Makeup and the Male Gaze

Photography by Elinor Franklin & Jenny Lee Yamiya

AURA OF RESILIENCE

Written by Amanda Flynn

When you first meet Yamiya Fowlkes, you are met with an aura of resilience like no other. From trudging through an uphill battle after her life was torn to pieces, the 24-year-old is finally at a place where nothing can tear her down. How did she get there? She is letting go of her past and letting her future shine bright.

Fostering a Creative Spirit

One Christmas morning, ten-year-old Yamiya unwrapped a gift that would open her curious eyes to a brand-new world. After making countless tiny clothes for her beloved teddy bears, her parents bought her a sewing machine to take advantage of her hobby unlike ever before. From there, her fascination for fashion and creative expression blossomed.

Growing up in southeast Washington D.C., Yamiya quickly learned how to live in a fast-paced and free-spirited environment. Yamiya and her family later moved to Prince George's County in Maryland. Until eighth grade, Yamiya went to a French immersion school with her brother and after that, she went to the Duke Ellington School of the Arts for vocal music with her sister. Outside of her studies, she partook in various types of art classes to fuel her lust for creativity.

At her middle school, students had to wear uniforms, but Yamiya remembers coming down the stairs in her hot pink leg warmers and her Mom said, “Oh! I love these leg warmers!” Yamiya’s cousin, who was living with her at the time said, “What are you wearing?” to which Yamiya replied, “Well, Mommy said that they’re really cute.”

After two years at the performing arts school, Yamiya could not see a future in the vocal arts. She ended up transferring to the School Without Walls in Washington D.C. to pursue a STEM track after excelling in her math and science courses. It wasn’t a creative path, but it was one she succeeded in. Within walking distance to the White House, she describes having a “unique” high school experience. Whether it be bumping shoulders with politicians in cafes or having the opportunity to be an active participant in walkouts and protests, Yamiya contributes much of her creative spirit to the surroundings she grew up in — rather than her school subjects.

When it came to Yamiya’s future, her parents’ philosophy was that she was free to do whatever she wanted, except when it came to her career. As she began planning her future, there was only one school on her mind: New York University, commonly known as NYU. Yamiya was determined to call the big apple her home and there was nothing stopping her from making her dream of studying creative arts a reality, despite her parent’s wanting her to pursue something STEM-related. Applying to NYU was a “given” for Yamiya because she calls it her “second home.” “I would catch the buses all the time to New York and stay with my cousin. We would have the time of our lives for a weekend and then catch the bus back,” recounts Yamiya. “I feel like I fell in love with New York City because it was so easy to get there.”

Fast-forward to application season. Yamiya began applying to more than 20 distinguished schools, but claims that NYU was the only university she “can remember caring about.” On top of these schools, her parents encouraged her to apply to the United States Air Force Academy (USAFA), but Yamiya could never imagine herself there. She begrudgingly applied.

While at an aerospace engineering conference, an opportunity for USAFA presented itself to her. Yamiya had the opportunity to meet Stayce Harris, the first Black woman to become an Air Force lieutenant general. “I kept in contact with her. My parents said, ‘Just ask her about the Air Force Academy,”’ says Yamiya. “I was talking to her about [applying] just to please my parents.”

Despite going through the complex process of applying, she pushed everything USAFA-related into the back of her mind and “wasn't thinking anything of it.”

As acceptances began to roll in, Yamiya was on the edge of her seat for the life-changing email to grace her inbox. One night, Yamiya’s mom called her telling her she had an email waiting to be opened from NYU. Yamiya waited until her mom came home to read her fate. “Congratulations” appeared across the screen. Yamiya remembers excitedly jumping up and down on her bed because her dream finally came true. She would be living in her second home — her creative side could finally flourish.

“For two whole weeks, my mom and I played “Empire State of Mind” on repeat because we were convinced that I was going to go. At this point, I hadn't gotten into the Air Force Academy.” If Yamiya were to be accepted, she knew her parents would push for USAFA over NYU. So, with the looming decision, there was a cloud floating above the celebrations, waiting to unleash a treacherous storm.

Her World Turned Upside Down

The NYU festivities took place at the end of Yamiya’s senior year. During that time, she visited the campus and became accustomed to her new environment for the next four years. However, during these celebrations, one message stumbled into her inbox — this time, the “Congratulations” brought Yamiya the very opposite of excitement.

With the price and logistics of NYU, her parents saw no other choice but for her to go to USAFA for aerospace engineering. With a full scholarship and a guaranteed job after completion, there was no other option her parents considered — no further discussion.

Yamiya could not wrap her head around this news. She remembers thinking, “Are you serious right now? We had already visited NYU, we had looked at dorms — it was really crazy … I don't think I had any positive thoughts.”

A mere two weeks after her high school graduation, Yamiya had to prepare herself to move to Colorado due to the timing of basic training for the academy.

“In my head, Colorado is nowhere. I'm from a big city, so the idea of Colorado is not appetizing at all. I was just like, “Is this really happening?”’ recalls Yamiya.

She only had one week to digest this news.

Yamiya knew little to nothing about what she was about to get herself into. She was unaware of the rules and the day-to-day happenings that take place at USAFA. Yamiya never saw the academy in her future — only her parents did. The week leading up to leaving was not an easy feat. When reflecting on that difficult time now, Yamiya states that it’s a blur.

“When you're going to basic training, they don't allow you to bring anything with you. So it was just like, I have a week to emotionally prepare. There was nothing enjoyable about the experience at all,” Yamiya recounts. “I was just distraught. I sat in my bed for that whole week and just waited until it was time to catch the flight there.”

An Identity Stripped Away

Once she stepped foot in Colorado, Yamiya’s life was forever changed. “My very first day was extremely traumatizing,” asserts Yamiya. “It was a turning point in my life.”

When Yamiya arrived at the campus, she had only a short time to say her goodbyes before she would be thousands of miles away, with little to no connection to her parents. She remembers feeling “terrified” after they left. A week ago she was dreaming of New York City, and now, she is in the middle of Colorado, alone, in a place she never imagined she would find herself.

“Immediately you're in basic training mode — which is just like the movies,” Yamiya describes. “[Cadets] load you onto a bus and they're screaming at you, harassing you. Telling you that you’re worthless.”

After a tense bus ride, she walked into the academy and instantly felt her identity being taken away.

“The first thing [the cadets] say is, ‘We have to cut your hair off. We don't allow locs here,’” mentions Yamiya. “And mind you, I've been growing my locs since childhood. That is my identity. Especially as a Black woman, hair is such a controversial topic.”

“Not only are they cutting my hair off, but it's the military, there are not many Black people. So, there was a white woman who had no idea how to handle Black hair, cutting my hair,” says Yamiya. “I didn't have any hair products, so I was walking around with a horrible haircut with no hair products that take care of my hair … As a Black woman in a white space, it was traumatizing because I had no idea where to go from there.”

To add to her trauma, Yamiya was one of the very few women and black people there. After having her hair cut, she remembers crying on the way to have her photo taken. “They took me to a back room and there was a photographer … She's like, ‘I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how traumatizing this is for you’ … This is actually the only moment that I feel like I experienced any real empathy.”

This is actually the only moment that I feel like I experienced any real empathy.