P aradise W aits
American Auctioneers is offering you the opportunity to bid on your own not so little slice of heaven.
FEBRUARY 2026
COLUMNS FEATURES
10
Humor author Mark Suroviec, M.Ed., interviews himself about his new book FUN Lies [Again] and answers the question, “Why did NASA choose to broadcast the words of his book as a message of peace to sentient alien species across the galaxy?”
14
American Auctioneers invites everyone to bid in a rare name-your-price open auction of 700+ acres of premium farmland.
Publisher's Note
February is upon us and for this middle-aged man, it means another trip around the sun has been completed. 46 years of life down and who knows how many more to go. This June will mark 20 years of V3 Magazine and being here from the start means most of my adult life I’ve been part of this monthly publication. I’ve picked up writing the publishers note from Neal Howard in 2010 so with the exception of a guest note here and there, I’ve pinned this little letter for 16 years.
My youngest son, Carter, a 4th grade student at East Central Elementary, told me he wanted to take something off my plate for my birthday this year, so I jokingly said, you can write my publishers note...to my surprise,
OWNER & CEO Ian Griffin
hello@v3collective.com
Why are funeral celebrations important?
TRANSCENDANCE
MEANING
Funerals remind us to live deeply, with joy and lov e.
EXPRESSION
Funerals give us a moment to reflect on the questio ns in our hearts and seek answers that bring peace.
The funeral is a time for mourning--expressing grie f outwardly-so that we may begin to heal.
SUPPORT
Funerals are in remembrance of those who died, but are for the living to come together in community and support on e another in their grief.
RECALL
Funerals allow us to share memories and see how the person’s life touched others.
REALITY
The funeral helps us acknowledge and accept the rea lty in that the person we love is no longer here with us.
fun WHERE IS NEVER FAR FROM HOME.
Five years of extraordinary senior living.
There’s no shortage of energy and excitement when you live at The Spires at Berry College — whether hiking around our scenic lakeside location, raising a glass at our pub for happy hour or exploring Rome’s charming attractions with friends. While immersed in Berry’s lively campus culture, residents have countless opportunities to attend university athletic events, arts performances and even lectures — not to mention form meaningful relationships with students. At the heart of it all, you’ll find the spirit of togetherness that makes our community one of a kind.
See why The Spires is not just a place to live — but a better way to live. Call 706-607-5322 or visit RetireAtBerry.com to schedule a personal tour.
Unbiased Review of the Fourth Greatest Book in the History of the World
When Ian Griffin asked me to interview myself about my new humor and satire book, I was honored, and a wee bit surprised. The homemade voodoo doll I found behind a dumpster at the West Rome Walmart worked way better than intended.
IAN: [struggling to overcome the magical paralysis] “Yeeeessssssss… pleaaaase return control of my hands and feeeeeeettttt.”
MARK: “The following are excerpts from an interview with and by humorist Mark Suroviec, M.Ed. Mark is the author of FUN Lies [Again]: The Ambassador’s Unauthorized Sequel No One Asked For. In 2025, he was voted Runner-up for Best Local Author 2025 by the Rome News Tribune.1
Strap in for a wild mixed-metaphor ride on the Pony Express train to Book Town—population: 150 billion.
DRAMATIC INTRODUCTION
The crowd held its collective breath as Abraham Lincoln stood among the gravestones of Gettysburg. Top hat slightly ajar, his voice echoed an address to be remembered throughout the annals of history.
“Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers brought forth on this continent…[important speech bits]…and did you know
if you boil holy water first, it’s twice as deadly to vampires?” — Abraham Lincoln | Guy wearing sunglasses on the cover of FUN Lies [Again]
WHAT IS FUN LIES [AGAIN]?
FUN Lies [Again] is volume two of the FUN Lies Collection. It is an anthology of humor and satire stories, beamed directly from the author’s brain into written chunks of shenanigans and tomfoolery.
Many stories are entirely fictional, but others are genuine incidents from the author’s life, embellished with a creative twist. But the stories are told by an unreliable narrator who playfully uses truth as a sliding scale. The reader should suspect even the footnotes and hunt for easter eggs.
LIKE WATCHING THE DAILY SHOW, OR READING THE ONION, OR THE BABYLON BEE?
Yes, but it’s the Temu version.
Mark Suroviec, M.Ed., is the Chief Ambassador of Fun at WorkPlay Solutions, the author of Forever Sisters, and the Vice President of the Children’s Museum of Rome. He hopes you pity laugh at his humor and satire stories, especially the ones that aren’t funny.
GIVE AN EXAMPLE OF ONE OF THE EASTER EGGS IN THE BOOK. The first letter of every chapter title spells out a secret message from the author. 2
WHAT WAS THE INSPIRATION FOR WRITING THIS BOOK? Money.
But independent authors make diddly-squat on royalties, I’ll settle for bringing joy and laughter to people who need a good giggle.
WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE CHAPTERS?
• The Fun Dad’s Return to Redneck Slide-o-Rama
• Bacon Bacon Bacon and Other Gourmet Halloween Costumes
• My New Year’s Resolution Is to Gain 400 Pounds
• Is It Pinkeye, or Are You Demonspawn?
• 13 Reasons You’re Writing Ain’t Good
WHAT ARE FAMOUS PEOPLE SAYING ABOUT THIS BOOK?
“FUN Lies [Again] is the missing right hand to The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursala LeGuin.”
— Nate “Nepo Baby” LeGuin | Talentless grandson of author, Ursula LeGuin
“This book is like if the Holy Bible and the Magna Carta had a baby and that baby wasn’t kept behind hermetically sealed glass in the tower of London.”
— Winston Churchill | British guy who did some stuff
“For less than the price of discounted alpaca feed, you too can own the fourth-greatest book in the history of the world.”
— Little Sebastian | Celebrity Horse
“It’s like Where’s Waldo if Waldo was on every page and also cured colon cancer.”
— Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. | Brand Ambassador, Spray-Tan Villa, LLC
“FUN Lies [Again] will teach you to speak French fluently in Dutch.” — Duolingo Cartoon Owl
“9 out of 10 dentists agree, FUN Lies [Again] is better for your gum health than flossing.” 3
— Dr. Leigh Weldon, DMD | The 10th dentist
WHO SHOULD BUY THIS BOOK?
I firmly believe there are only two types of people in this world: those who should buy this book and those who should buy and read this book.
HOW DO I KNOW WHICH CATEGORY I BELONG TO?
The front cover has a helpful test embedded in the headline, “Over 150 Billion Copies Sold.” If you shrug and say, “Wow, this book is surprisingly popular,” then please purchase FUN Lies [Again] and leave it unread on the coffee table. You will hate it.
WHERE CAN I BUY THIS BOOK?
FUN Lies [Again] is available at Amazon and the trunk of the author’s Subaru Outback.
SERIOUSLY? YOUR TRUNK?
Yes. The author has been known to shamelessly disrupt church Sunday School classes until parents pay the ransom—er, purchase a book.
HOW MUCH DOES THIS BOOK COST?
On a balmy night in 1455, Johannes Gutenberg accomplished the crowning achievement of the Renaissance. Lying atop the printing press was the first copy of the Gutenberg Bible, crafted by a machine instead of a monk’s hand. That night, he was struck by a fever dream of the future.
“What if in the twenty-first century, my invention is used primarily to publish novels about horny werewolves and dragon erotica?”
He arose from his bed, ready to dismantle the printing press before it could be tainted by unending acres of smutty romantasy paperbacks. As he raised the axe to his life’s work, he heard a still small voice staying his hand.
“Johannes, the future is not lost. 571 years from now, your descendants can purchase FUN Lies [Again] for only $14.99 + tax.”
Johannes Gutenberg dropped the axe and slept soundly.
FINAL THOUGHTS?
“FUN Lies [Again] is 15% less funny than the original FUN Lies guaranteed! But it’s new, so you should buy it!”
FOOTNOTES AND CORRECTIONS:
1 I was surprised too.
2 The hidden message is, “Thank you for buying this book. NO REFUNDS.”
3 Floss, the dance. Not the string-flavored breath mint.
Disclaimer: This story was written by Mark Suroviec, M.Ed. All people and quotations are fictional, invented by the limited imagination of the author, and do not reflect the opinions of the author, editors, or V3 Magazine.
I N A N C I A L
A P romising P aradise
1039 Livingston Road pairs prime farmland, timberland, and pastureland with easy access to the Atlanta, Birmingham, and Chattanooga area.
On March 28, American Auctioneers will hold an open-to-all auction of this promising paradise.
Written by: Lauren Bachman Photographer: Kelly Alred
AmericanAuctioneers,
The South’s premier auction company, is proud to announce 700+/- acres with 400+/- selling at absolute auction, no minimums, no reserves, located on 1039 Livingston Road, Rome, GA.
This 700+ acre property offers 39 tracts of Floyd County’s best farmland, timberland, and pastureland. Located in the heart of the ABC triangle, it comes with an easy commute to Atlanta, Birmingham, and Chattanooga and is only minutes from downtown Rome.
American Auctioneers welcomes all to register to bid on this once-in-a-lifetime property, in conjunction with Hardy Realty. On March 28th, at 10am EDT, they’ll hold an on-site auction of the property open to everyone. This auction offers the rare chance for buyers to bid and buy homes, individual tracts, combinations, or as a whole, with 400 +/- acres selling absolute, no minimums, no reserves.
And with a scenic landscape and an array of natural amenities, “Buyers have the freedom to shape the property to match their vision—whether a private estate, working farm, recreational retreat,” or for development.
Interested parties will have the opportunity to view the property on March 14 from 10am EDT to 6pm EDT, March 21 from 10am EDT to 6pm EDT, March 23-27 from 8am EDT to 6pm EDT with staff on site, or by appointment.
This property is full of possibilities, with prime farmland, timberland, and pastureland. It has three houses and three barns, perfect for “residential, agricultural, recreational,” or developmental use.
This property boasts 2 miles of continuous road frontage, allowing for great visibility of the land and an added convenience for agriculture and business. Over 292 acres of fertile soil come “leased for cotton production,” and over 200 acres worth of planted pine offer “future timber value.”
The landscape boasts vibrant natural and planted forestry and an array of water features, all teeming with wildlife.
Trails have been laid into the forest for recreational use and ease of access between different sections of the property. Home to white-tailed deer, wild turkey, and more, it’s a prime spot for everything from a scenic hike to trophy hunting.
The property’s panoply of waterways feature an even more diverse wildlife, including waterfowl. Across the property are two creeks, a duck swamp, and 1.2 miles of the Coosa Valley riverfront. Buyers can fish any of these waterfronts at their leisure. Not only are they the perfect setting for a relaxing afternoon: they are also ideal for watering crops and several areas are prepared for lake development.
This is a once-in-a-lifetime rare opportunity to bid on 700 +/- continuous acres with 400 +/- acres selling at absolute auction, no minimums, no reserves. The 39 tracts will be offered individually, in combinations, or as a whole.
Registration begins at 9am EDT, and the auction at 10am EDT. All interested parties are required to bring personal checks or business checks and a driver's license to register to bid.
For more information or to schedule a tour: Call (866)789-5169 or visit American Auctioneers at american-auctioneers.com
Call Cole Allen with Hardy Realty at: (706)252-5196 or email cole@hardyrealty.com
