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Volume 136 Issue 21

utdailybeacon.com @utkdailybeacon

Monday, October 29, 2018

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SPOOKS&SCARES

The Daily Beacon • Monday, October 29, 2018

DAILY BEACON STAFF AND POLICY INFORMATION EDITORIAL Editor-in-Chief: Kylie Hubbard Managing Editor: Tyler Wombles Copy Chief: Paige Greene Campus News Editor: Cat Trieu City News Editor: Allie Clouse Asst. News Editor: Neeley Moore Sports Editor: Blake Von Hagen Asst. Sports Editor: Will Backus Engagement Editor: Alec Apostoeai Digital Producer: Tara Halley Asst. Digital Producer: Kelsey French Opinons Editor: Margot McClellan Photo Editors: Emily Gowder, Megan Albers Design Editor: Elisa Razak Production Artists: Grace Atter, Lauren Mayo, Emily Gowder, Meliya Evans, Catherine Fei, McLane Zaitz, Jeremiah Pham, Emory Hockett, Meg Kiestler

ADVERTISING/PRODUCTION Advertising Manager: Zenobia Armstrong Media Sales Representatives: Hailie Hensley Advertising Production Artists: Kinsey Johnston, Elisa Razak

Letter from the Editor: Trick or treat, smell my feet It’s spooky season.

Or has it been spooky season since Oct. 1?

Whether you’re someone who thinks holidays come a month (and sometimes months) before the actual holiday, I’m feeling spooky season. Candy and costumes and parties and those Pillsbury sugar cookies with the pumpkins and ghosts on them, what a time to be alive.

I’m dressing like a crocodile this year, but some of my past costumes are included in this letter. They were pretty solid, if I do say so myself.

If you don’t know what to dress up as, check out Staff Writer Luna Brewer’s article on some easy DIY costumes. Or just head out to a haunted house and wear your pee after you get scared. Will Backus offers some haunted houses in this issue.

Or stay home and don’t dress up, but party.

Copy Chief Paige Greene gives some spooky playlist tips, and Contributor Mackenzie Ostrom and Senior Staff Writer Gabriela

CONTACTS To report a news item, please e-mail editor.news@utdailybeacon.com or call 865-974-2348 To submit a press release, please e-mail pressreleases@utdailybeacon.com To place an ad, please e-mail beaconads@utk.edu or call 865-974-5206 Advertising: (865) 974-5206 beaconads@utk.edu Editor-in-Chief: (865) 974-3226 editorinchief@utdailybeacon.com Main Newsroom: (865) 974-3226 editorinchief@utdailybeacon.com LETTERS POLICY: Letters to the Editor must be exclusive to The Daily Beacon and cannot have been submitted to or published by other media. Letters should not exceed 400 words and can be edited or shortened for space. Letters can also be edited for grammar and typographical errors, and Letters that contain excessive grammatical errors can be rejected for this reason. Anonymous Letters will not be published. Authors should include their full name, mailing address, city of residence, phone number and e-mail address for verification purposes. Letters submitted without this information will not be published. The preferred method to submit a Letter to the Editor is to email the Editor-in-Chief.

CORRECTIONS POLICY: It is the Daily Beacon’s policy to

quickly correct any factual errors and clarify any potentially misleading information. Errors brought to our attention by readers or staff members will be corrected and printed on page two of our publication. To report an error please send as much information as possible about where and when the error occurred to managingeditor@utdailybeacon.com, or call our newsroom at (865) 974-5206.

The Daily Beacon is published by students at The University of Tennessee on Monday and Thursday during the fall and spring semesters. The offices are located at 1345 Circle Park Drive, 11 Communications Building, Knoxville, TN 37996-0314. The newspaper is free on campus and is available via mail subscription for $200/ year or $100/semester. It is also available online at: www.utdailybeacon.com

The Daily Beacon is printed using soy based ink on newsprint containing recycled content, utilizing renewable sources and produced in a sustainable, environmentally responsible manner.

Szymanowska give some easy treats to make.

If you’re feeling like dying- go visit Campus News Editor Cat Trieu’s creepiest places in Knoxville. I’m not saying you’ll for sure die, but I’m also saying I’d rather stay home.

Sports Editor Blake Von Hagen got called a princess when he dressed as a Native American Chief from Last of the Mohicans when he was 11 years old. The story is on our website. Feel free to comment meanly on Facebook; he’s used to it.

We like Halloween here at the Beacon and I hope this special issue will help you find out what’s going on for Halloween in Knoxville and inspire you to dress, eat and dance spookily this year.

Trick or treat!

Courtesy of Kylie Hubbard

Spooking up Halloween dorm treats Gabriela Szymanowska Senior Staff Writer It’s time to start spooking up delicious treats as Halloween is almost here. One of the best parts about the spooky season is getting free candy and making treats for yourself or friends to enjoy.

However, living in a dorm room can mean that students sometimes have limited access to ovens and stoves to be able to make all the Halloween treats for that Monster Bash party their friend is throwing.

So here is a list of four spooky treats you can brew in the dorm for yourself or for a party using what’s available: a microwave.

Cute and Creepy Pretzel Monsters For this recipe, you will need a bag of pretzels, two tablespoons butter, one to two bags of white chocolate chips, food coloring and M&Ms. Melt the butter in the microwave first. Pour it over the white chocolate chips in another bowl and microwave on high for two minutes. Stir until the chocolate is nice and creamy.

Very carefully, separate the chocolate into three bowls and add orange and green food coloring into two of the other bowls. Dip the pretzels into the chocolate, coating completely. Place the pretzels on wax paper to cool.

As they are cooling, drizzle the melted chocolate in a zig-zag to create a mummy look. Add M&Ms for eyes.

For the orange pretzels, add a green M&M to

the top to create a pumpkin. Add M&Ms as eyes are no clumps.

In the mug add the the crushed cookies on the to the green pretzels to create a ghoulish look. bottom, pouring the pumpkin pie mix on top.

Howling Strawberries Microwave for one to one and a half minutes.

For this recipe, all you need is a bag of white Check every 30 seconds. The top may look damp chocolate, two tablespoons of butter, some straw- when it’s done, but it should set when it cools. berries and some mini chocolate chips.

After it’s taken out of the microwave, let it Melt the butter in the microwave. Pour it over stand for a few minutes to cool. Then using the the white chocolate and microwave on high for icing, paint on the Jack o’Lantern face, making it two minutes. Stir the chocolate until completely as scary as you like. melted and smooth.

Poppin’ Caramel Popcorn Dip the strawberries into the chocolate until This is a quick recipe, but to make it more almost completely coated, leaving the stems visible, and place on wax paper to cool. As the choc- homemade requires a few extra ingredients olate is cooling, add three mini chocolate chips to including microwavable popcorn, one cup brown sugar, one-fourth cup white Karo syrup, half a cup create a face. Voila, howling ghost strawberries. of butter, half a teaspoon of salt, one and a half Jack o’lantern Pumpkin Pie Mug Cake teaspoon of vanilla extract and half a teaspoon of This miniature version of an actual pumpkin baking soda. pie takes the classic pumpkin pie and makes it a Place the popcorn in the microwave and follittle smaller, enough to fit into one mug. low instructions on the bag. Once the popcorn is To make the pie, you’ll need two small graham done, pour into a bowl. crackers crushed into two tablespoons of crumbs, Then in another microwavable safe bowl, add one-third cup pumpkin puree, one egg, one table- the brown sugar, Karo syrup, butter and salt. spoon milk, two tablespoons brown sugar, one Microwave for 45 seconds. Remove from microteaspoon pumpkin pie spice, one pinch of salt wave, stir and microwave for an additional minand half a teaspoon of vanilla flavoring. You’ll also ute and 30 seconds. Add the vanilla extract and need a small bowl to mix things in, one microwav- baking soda. Stir until it stops fizzing. able mug and a spoon.

Lightly drizzle the caramel sauce over the To create the Jack o’Lantern, you’ll need to popcorn. Using either your hands or a spoon, mix also have some frosting in any color, but prefer- the popcorn so that the caramel sauce is evenly ably black, orange and yellow. distributed. Again, drizzle more sauce onto the Mix together the pumpkin puree, egg, milk, popcorn and mix. Repeat until all of the caramel salt, brown sugar and pumpkin spice until there sauce is used or the popcorn is how you like it.

SPOOKS&SCARES

Monday, October 29, 2018 • The Daily Beacon

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Your guide to Halloween events going on in Knoxville Neeley Moore

Assistant News Editor

remain open throughout the week starting at 5 p.m. every evening in October.

FrightWorks Haunted House

It can be tricky to find the perfect way to spend Halloween night.

There is always the option to throw your own Halloween party, last minute. Since the holiday falls in the middle of the week, consider a bonfire or movie night. But if you are looking for somewhere to celebrate and to go all out for spooky season, Knoxville (and surrounding areas) have plenty of options for different people’s preferences.

Location: Powell Price: $23 per person

Haunted Knoxville Ghost Tours Location: Gay Street Price: Varies, Group prices available Titled “America’s Leading Historical, Investigations Based Ghost Tour,” the Haunted Knoxville Ghost Tours are for those wanting a ghost tour with lots of information.

Not only are the tours well-researched, but they also offer some spooky moments along the way. Tour attendees cover lots of ground on the walking tour, including their own investigations with paranormal experts and go to real locations of rumored ghost activity.

FrightWorks haunted house opens at 7 p.m. every night leading up to Halloween and on Halloween itself. Visitors have the choice of five different zones in the haunted house including “Nightmares”, “Hauntings”, “Catacombs”, “Asylum” and “Massacre.”

While it may be more of a drive, the Haunted House is a popular attraction that has been running for over 16 years and will A Ghost Tour of the Historic Bijou Theatre Ripley’s Haunted Adventure Fright Nights provide scares for those looking for a very & Dinner haunted Halloween evening.

Location: 908 Parkway, Gatlinburg Location: 803 South Gay Street Price: $13.99 per person Price: $70 per person James White Fort’s HearthScares Tours Looking for a classic haunted house Location: James White Fort, 205 E. Hill Ave. For a fancy night out or date night on with a Gatlinburg twist? Ripley’s Haunted Price: $10 Halloween, the Bijou is hosting a formal dinAdventure is open year-round but has special Those looking for a spooky tour in the ner and ghost tour of the Bijou on Tuesday. late options in October for “Fright Nights.” heart of Knoxville can join the two-hour The event start at 6 and ends at 9 p.m. Dinner This year, Ripley’s “Fright Nights” are tour which goes through historical landmarks will be provided along with a tour going themed “Zombie Contamination,” and guests with spooky origins and stories. Following through the Bijou at dark. must make it through the haunted attraction the ride, guests are welcome to a bonfire and Halloween Spooktacular with the mission of avoiding being caught marshmallow roast at the fire.

Location: 117 Natalie L. Haslam Music and turned into a zombie.

The tours will start at 7 p.m. and end at 9 Center “Fright Nights” start at 6 p.m. every night p.m. on October 30th.

Price: Free on the weekend, and the haunted house will

Neeley as a ladybug Courtesty of Neeley Moore On Halloween night, join UT’s school of music is hosting a concert and celebration at 6 p.m to 7:45 p.m. for a more casual yet musical evening.

It should be a nice treat for those wanting to celebrate Halloween but not stay out all night long.

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The Daily Beacon • Monday, October 29, 2018

Local legends…in East Tennessee?

Abdullah Salim Contributor Think of East Tennessee and the first few things that come to mind are the Smokey Mountains, Dollywood, the VOL nation, and the wonderful tight-knit communities of the region.

But with Halloween just around the corner, one cannot help but wonder what scary stories and legends this place is home to.

Sadie Baker – Ten Mile One of the most well-known local East Tennessee legends is perhaps that of Sadie Baker. Taking place in the small town of Ten Mile, the story goes that in the early to mid-1800s a beautiful young woman shows up to town unexpectedly.

Disoriented, disheveled and looking for her coins, she is taken in by the town’s residents who are fascinated by her beauty, charm, and quiet nature.

Despite being in town for only a few days, she begins to draw more suitors than all the local girls combined as every eligible bachelor vies for her hand in marriage.

Soon enough, the local girls get jealous and they accuse Sadie of witchcraft, claiming that she has bewitched the whole town into being enamored by her. After a witch trial, Sadie is said to have been buried alive, but to this day, her spirit is reported to roam around Concord Cemetery.

Bijou Theater – Knoxville What is a better site for a ghost story legend than a building from the early 1800s that has served as a hotel, Civil War hospital, and a theater?

That is exactly what the Bijou Theater used to be a home to.

It is believed that the spirits of those that have passed away in the building have been trapped there, and it said that they continue to roam the premises, walking up and down stairs, moving bookshelves around, dropping books and even screaming on some nights.

Baker Peters House – Knoxville Another building with a deep history in the area, the Baker Peters House is the site of a famous Confederate-Union feud.

In an altercation with Union soldiers, Dr. Harvey Baker, the owner of the Baker Peters House at the time, was shot and killed. His son, Abner Baker, was furious at hearing this and decided to seek revenge for his father upon returning to Knoxville.

In doing so, he murders his father’s killer only to be murdered himself by a town mob. Since then, the Baker Peters House has been used for a wide variety of functions, serving as a restaurant, bar and jazz club over the years.

Nevertheless, owners of these different businesses have claimed that Abner continues to roam the establishment, with many reporting a number of paranormal happenings, including glassware moving and breaking randomly, lights going off and on and footstep noises being heard. There is even a photograph of the ghost on display.

John Hendrix – Oak Ridge The legend of Oak Ridge resident John Hendrix takes place in the late 1800s.

One day while praying, John Hendrix is believed to have had a vision telling him to sleep outside in the forest ground for 40 days and 40 nights. Shortly after doing so, he starts seeing even more visions and he begins to predict certain events that would go on to occur in Oak Ridge.

He predicts the arrival of the L&N railroad to Oak Ridge and prophesized that the city would one day become a bustling urban center that will go on to play a role in ending a great war. In addition to all of that, Hendrix has also predicted the relative location of several buildings and businesses standing in Oak Ridge today.

Perhaps he could have seen the railroad coming, and perhaps he was making a simple prediction about the city’s future development, but to prophesize Oak Ridge’s future role in ending WWII when Y-12 was not even there at the time is something that continues to haunt the Oak Ridge community.

Commenting on these East Tennessee legends, two Knoxville natives were not entirely convinced, but some of the stories definitely raised their eyebrows.

Riley Walker, a Knoxville native and freshman at Central New Mexico Community College, said if any of these stories is to be true, “the John Hendrix legend was the one; there is just simply too much for all of it to be coincidences.”

Chayton Wilkerson, also a Knoxville native and freshman at Pellissippi Community College, begged to differ.

“In the end, they are all legends, but the Baker Peters House is by far both the creepiest and most realistic one,” Wilkerson said. “They even have a picture of it (the alleged ghost).”

Believe them or not, though, East Tennessee is definitely home to some scary, spooky tales and legends.

13 NOT-SO-SCARY MOVIES TO WATCH THIS HALLOWEEN Kylie Hubbard Editor-in-Chief

Aren't fond of scary movies? Here are 13 timeless classics that you don't have to watch hiding behind your hands.

1. Shaun of the Dead 2. It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown 3. Monster House 4. Halloweentown 5. Corpse Bride 6. The Haunted Mansion 7. Hocus Pocus 8. Beetlejuice 9. Casper 10. Ghostbusters 11. Buffy the Vampire Slayer 12. Frankenweenie 13. The Nightmare Before Christmas

RIP

4 EASY LAST-MINUTE HALLOWEEN COSTUMES Luna Brewer Staff Writer

The Working Dead Instead of just opting to be a zombie, be a relatable zombie! As college students, most of us can understand that a minimum wage job can make us feel dead inside sometimes. So you might have a spare pencil skirt or slacks laying around. Add a white dress shirt or blouse (ones you don’t mind ripping up).

Heartless Witch This outfit is for the makeup enthusiasts, people who can follow Halloween makeup tutorials on YouTube or people who have some spare cash and are willing to just buy an $8 scar kit from Walmart or Party City. With an all black or witchy outfit, preferably with a v-neck cut, place a cut and scar over your chest (near your heart). Paired with a mean scowl and a wand or a cheap witches hat, you’ve got a magic touch and a lack of a heart.

Cereal Killer For this punny outfit, just wear any jeans and a shirt you don’t really care about.

You’ll need some boxes of cereal, preferably some stale cereal hiding in the back of your pantry. Cut a hole in one of the boxes and glue the cereal to the shirt you have. Then you’ll want to add some fake blood to the shirt and your hands and carry your dead box to complete the killer look.

The Invisible Man This one is the easiest of them all, just don’t go out! If you’re not feeling up to the party for one reason or another, just get some information about what happened and it’s like you were there the whole time. No assembly required!

SPOOKS&SCARES

Monday, October 29, 2018 • The Daily Beacon

Creepiest places in Knoxville

Best Haunted Halloween Thrills in the Knoxville Area Will Backus Asst. Sports Editor

FrightWorks Address: 904 W Emory Rd, Powell, TN 37849 Hours: Oct. 30 & Oct. 31, 7 p.m. to 10 p.m.

Price: $23; skip the lines for $34; parking is free Address: 9567 US-11, Lenoir City, TN 37772 Hours: Oct. 30 & Oct. 31, 7 p.m. to 10 p.m.

Price: $20 general admission; “Midway Attraction” extra $5 each; VIP ticket with all access $45

Screamville Address: 6825 Tindell Lane, Knoxville, TN 37918 Hours: Halloween, 8 p.m. to 11 p.m.

Price: Haunted trail $15, buried alive simulation $5 extra

SCARY GOOD PLAYLISTS FOR THIS HALLOWEEN Twisted Classics 1. “I Put a Spell on You” by Marilyn Manson 2. “Don’t Fear the Reaper” by Gus Black 3. “Season of the Witch” by Donovan 4. “Love Potion No. 9” by The Searchers 5. “I Was a Teenage Werewolf” by The Cramps 6. “Spooky” by Dusty Springfield 7. “I Walked with a Zombie” by Roky Erickson

Cat Trieu Campus News Editor

Knoxville isn’t always its cheerful orange and white self.

While Knoxville isn’t famous for being one of the scariest places around, every place has its secrets.

Here are some of the creepiest places to be in Knoxville.

Lakeshore Park

Dead Man’s Farm

RIP

5

Paige Greene Copy Chief

Old Haunts 1. “Black No. 1 (Little Miss Scare-All)” by Type O Negative 2. “Creep” by Radiohead 3. “Zombie” by The Cranberries 4. “Psycho Killer” by Talking Heads 5. “Lullaby” by The Cure 6. “Ghosts” by Michael Jackson 7. “Hell” by Squirrel Nut Zippers Frightful New Favorites 1. “Terrified” by Childish Gambino 2. “My Body’s a Zombie for You” by Dead Man’s Bones 3. “Werewolf” by Cat Power 4. “Dracula’s Wedding” by OutKast ft. Kelis 5. “Fresh Blood” by Eels 6. “Ghosting” by Mother Mother 7. “They are Night Zombies!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back from the Dead!! Ahhhh!” by Sufjan Stevens

If you have been in Knoxville long enough, you probably have heard of the famous “Lakeshore Mental Asylum,” which was actually originally named East Tennessee Hospital for Insane when it was first built in 1886. According to the park’s website, the park itself has an extensive history, going through several owners in the past, including local Cherokee tribes and Captain William Lyon.

However, the official Lakeshore Park wasn’t established until the 1990s.

While Lakeshore Park’s website describes the formerly existing institute to have given “127 years of extraordinary service to its patients and the community,” rumors circulated around that, like other mental institutions in the 1800s, patients were mistreated.

In the 1920s, the building burned down, leaving behind only ruins.

While a new building, the Lakeshore Mental Health Institute, was built in 1977 and closed in 2013, visitors claimed to see figures wandering the building, hear screaming and shouting and music from a music box playing.

Bijou Theatre

While the Bijou Theatre is still a popular spot in Knoxville for concerts and theatrical performances, what many people might not know is the theatre’s wide diversity in the past, originally existing as the Lamar House. Once a civil war hospital, it is believed that several ghosts haunt the property, including Colonel William Sanders of the Union Army.

With the theatre also existing as a 1960s adult film house, the rumors include that ghosts of actors and prostitutes also haunt the property, sometimes even floating across the stage.

Whether or not the stories are

true, Knoxville has celebrated the possible hauntings of the theatre, holding events like “The Haunted Bijou Theatre” when the band The Civil Wars came in 2011.

Halls High School

One of the most famous tales of Knoxville includes a high school couple and a mysterious murder in the 1970s. According to the story, while the couple was arguing, the girl’s boyfriend pushed her down the stairs, running away when he saw the blood of the scene he caused.

Rumored to have come back to see if she was alive or dead, the boyfriend found that she had disappeared.

The girl was considered missing for several months. After a year, the ex-boyfriend was stabbed to death on his way home from a party, with no weapon or person found responsible.

After his mysterious death, many believed that the girl had come back, dead or alive, to take her revenge.

Though the ex-boyfriend died, strange occurrences were reported to be happening on the stairwell. The stairwell was soon closed off by the school and used as a storage area.

According to Haunted Rooms, the custodial staff reported hearing the dead couples’ arguing and someone falling down the stairs at night.

Copper Ridge Road

As the location of the famous Copper Ridge Baptist Church, the road is said to be filled with either mysterious hauntings or miraculous healing.

Over the years, over 50,000 people have claimed to see light in the shape of a cross outside the window, ghosts of religious figures in photographs and angels. In the 1990s, people travelled from all over the world to visit the church in order to see if the legends were true and even to get their illnesses miraculously cured.

While the church no longer exists, blogs like Ghosts of Copper Ridge Road and Church keep investigating to see what truly happens there.

While these places have a historical creepiness around them, even places like The Strip late at night can give you the chills as you walk through. Whether or not you believe in the supernatural, there are just some places in Knoxville better left alone.

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The Daily Beacon • Monday, October 29, 2018

How to get away with murder on UT’s campus Margot McClellan Opinion Editor Tender lumplings everywhere, life’s no fun without a good scare ... or a murder!

So, picture this: you’ve just gotten finished committing the perfect killing.

You’ve got an ex-person who has passed on; they are no more; they have ceased to be; gone to meet their maker a bit earlier than expected; you bought their ticket over the River Styx.

What can I say, no one expects a sudden stabbing! Its chief weapon is surprise — surprise and fear. And probably the knife you used to commit the atrocity. Boy, that’s a lot of damage.

Well, now that your problem is gone, you also have created a problem. The body is in relatively plain view and whether you like it or not, it is covered in evidence that you are the one whodunnit, which is not good if you want to continue your career as a serial killer or live out the rest of your life as a free person.

So now what? Well, you see, it’s quite simple — you have to hide the body.

You’ve seen “Forensic Files” or any crime

Warning: The following is entirely satirical in nature. Some readers may find this material disturbing. Proceed with caution. drama ever made, so you know what I mean.

Now, you committed the murder on campus and you need somewhere relatively convenient. Proximity, ease of access and a relatively low likelihood that the body will be found are all factors you need to take into consideration.

Unless you suddenly start feeling some kind of remorse, then by all means leave the body where it is, turn yourself in and now you can repent for the rest of your life in a box and you won’t have to worry about student loans or voting. Which you should be doing while you’re still legally able to, by the way. Felons can’t vote.

Ergo, you don’t want to be a felon.

Anyhow, here are several places on good ol’ Rocky Top which may be good places for hiding the body of your murder victims. Hopefully this is the only one, but there’s nothing wrong with a little ambition.

UT Gardens If you are particularly eco-conscious, I suggest finding a nice, seldom-touched

area of the UT gardens. Bring a few pots of flowers to decorate the shallow grave and to avoid suspicion.

I mean, the victim’s already pushing up daisies anyways. Might as well play on that euphemism. If you want to balance out the heinous crime you just committed, plant a vegetable garden here.

If you are really concerned about the smell, start a small compost pile with various smelly things. Propose the project to one of the sustainability committees, and before long, there will be six feet of rotting ephemera covering up any semblance of human remains and you’ll be an eco-hero.

Congratulations, you’re scott-free!

That Swampy Area Behind UT Commons Okay, I know this seems illogical since the greenway gets a fair amount of traffic, but hear me out.

Since this swampy creek is already full of pollutants and such, what’s an actual rotting body going to make a difference?

Bodies tend to puff up with gases when they decompose, so you need to find a weight to keep the body from floating up to the surface, and low enough so that a drought won’t potentially expose the bones either. Good thing that Walmart is up the hill there.

I’m sure a quick trip up the hill would provide you with all that you need for under $50.

Sink the body like the Titanic and leave them there to sleep with the fishes.

Or at least, the ones which haven’t died from the pollution and algae overgrowth yet.

Near the Water Treatment Plant Another way to cover up your non-mistake (Quit telling yourself it’s anything but. If you’re paranoid, this isn’t going to work. You need to commit to this now.

Seriously, get ahold of yourself.) is to bury it in the near the water treatment plant on Neyland Drive.

This place already smells like death and decay. Well, maybe not quite, but you sure want to roll your windows up when you drive by, right? Precisely!

So if you are going to dig a shallow grave, do it here where the smell won’t

seem too out of place. Find a place covered with rocks, or put the body under the mulch to let the victim go the way of all flesh.

That Smelly Manure Dirt in the Numerous Construction Zones on Campus The beautification of campus is great for the environment and our Princeton Review campus beauty rankings, but there is one drawback to it. When you walk by the manure and soil that has been used to fill up the concrete hollows on the sides of the roads and in the medians, it smells. Badly.

You know what else smells badly?

Right. The body you are somehow still carrying around like the bloodied, evidence-ridden burden that it is.

As long as there is no longer any pipework that needs to be done, find one of these cavities, grab a nearby shovel and start digging. Be sure you are in an area where nobody will see you in the dead of night. Otherwise you might have two bodies to bury, and who wants that extra work? Not you — you need to make your getaway and study for that exam coming up this week, so be smart about this.

The Body Farm Okay, this one is for the boldest and most daring of killers, but also for the more caring of killers. All of these bodies were donated by science. You’re paying it forward by leaving this body here!

Taking them out to the farm, so to speak.

Just like Old Yeller, if Old Yeller was already dead for three hours.

Surely, the anthropology and forensics department won’t notice there’s an extra fresh one sitting here. And hey, I’m sure they won’t check dental records to verify it’s that missing person.

I suppose if you’re starting to feel guilt and remorse creep into your heart, you can leave the body here. They’ll identify them, find any trace of evidence left on the body, and your killing spree will come to an end. Great job, you got caught by UTPD. Maybe this wasn’t the best place.

Well, plead guilty, I guess. Do you think they serve fava beans and chianti in prison?

Happy Halloween, Vols.

Disclaimer: This article of The Daily Beacon is entirely satirical and is not meant to encourage any sort of illegal activity. Please do not murder your fellow Vols. Or anyone. And please don’t bury them on campus.

SPOOKS&SCARES

Monday, October 29, 2018 • The Daily Beacon

STR8TS No. 409

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7

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ACROSS 1 Most populous cittĂ in Italia 5 Vintage photo tone 10 Scheming 14 â&#x20AC;&#x153;Are you __ out?â&#x20AC;?

15 Tidies text 16 Scattered, as seeds 17 Ladled party drink 19 Vast landmass 20 Island near Maui 21 â&#x20AC;&#x153;__ a Ladyâ&#x20AC;?: Tom Jones hit 23 It blows things up 24 CPR pro 25 Cigarette brand featured on â&#x20AC;&#x153;Mad Menâ&#x20AC;?

29 Ingredient in a Florentine dish 31 Ancient Aegean region 32 Notice 33 Crosswordsolving Simpson 36 WWI pistol 37 Martial arts level 40 Happen next 43 Korean imports 44 â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hostelâ&#x20AC;? director Roth 47 __ Bornes: card game 48 Being disrespectful to 51 Manhattan stage attraction 55 Cal. column 56 Oft-numbered rd.

57 Saltimbocca herb 58 Stationery brand 60 Indian music 62 Slimy pest in a flower bed 65 Heal, in a way 66 Fire remnant 67 New Age composer John 68 Not mad 69 Fixes the leaks in 70 Two-toned cookie DOWN 1 Rummages (through) 2 Parkway entrances 3 Canadian force member 4 Met melody

By Kurt Mengel and Jan-Michele Gianette

5 Fall mo.

6 Part of a college URL 7 Belarus city 8 In need of calamine lotion 9 Fire pit residue 10 N. American land 11 Bulletin board item 12 Hostess sponge cake 13 Painting the town red 18 Chef Jet __, frequent â&#x20AC;&#x153;Cutthroat Kitchenâ&#x20AC;? judge 22 â&#x20AC;&#x153;All the same ... â&#x20AC;?

26 Western sch. with NCAA Division I team championships in 20 sports 27 Hen-to-be 28 Post office assignments 30 Sci-fi/fantasy award 34 Slalom slider 35 Embarrass 38 West Yorkshire city

9/19/18

Tuesdayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Puzzle Solved

Š2018 Tribune Content Agency, LLC

39 Morales of â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Brinkâ&#x20AC;?

40 Boards at the dock 41 Kurt &REDLQ¡s group 42 Alabama Slammer ingredient 45 More diminutive 46 Not outsourced 49 WWII weapon 50 Enthusiastic

9/19/18

52 Pay 53 â&#x20AC;&#x153;Only __â&#x20AC;?: NPR sports program 54 __ matĂŠ: tealike beverage 59 About 61 Dined 63 St. with a former â&#x20AC;&#x153;Small Wonderâ&#x20AC;? slogan 64 Stammering sounds

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The Daily Beacon â&#x20AC;¢ Monday, October 29, 2018

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