El Burro - March 1974 - Volume 35 Number 3

UTEP A Unique ·school

TheUniversityof.TexasatEl Pasoisunlikeanyschoolofhigher learningintheworld.Thecourses, thelifestyles,andthesettingat theUniversityaresouniquethat they·areunparalleledelsewhere. Themostobviousreasonwhy studentswhocometoUTEPfall inlovewiththeschoolisbecause ofthebeautifullystructured Bhutanesearchitectureandthe areasurroundingthecampus.The architectureattheUniversity defiestraditionalivycoveredbrick wallscommontomostuniversities

acrossthenation.Any discrepenciesinitareoverlooked orlostinthemagificcenceofitall. Itisdifficulttodeterminewhether thelibrary•isoftheBhutanese style,but.itcertainlywasdesigned bymengiftedinarchitectural· design,_TheBoardofRegentsfor theUniversityofTexasSchool System.Thisbuildinghouses nearly400,000books,almostas. muchreadingmaterialasa m�diocrepublicliorarylibrary. AnotherexampleistheEducation building.This•buildingis functionalexceptwhenstudents orfacultywishtotakethe elevatortothe3rdor4thfloors,

it'sjustthattheelevatordoesn't stopatthesefloorsleadingoneto believethattheydon'texist.One couldexpoundonthelocation design,andmaterialsused·for these•buildings,but.itisalso importanttomentionthecampus grounds.Therearelushgreen areasforthosewhoenjoystudying outsideorforfrisbeeplayers, exceptitisadviseabletobeaware ofthenumerousunderground watersprinklerswhichhappento beplaced2inchesaboveground. Thenumberofstairsatthe Universityalsokeepstudents occupied.whiletheytrip,slide, andfallonthewaytoclasses.

Despiteallthehomelikethe·landas_asymbolofstrength .featuresonthecampusitistheandingenuity.Othersitesofman's surroundingcommunitywhichprogressintheproximityarea -enhancesitsbeautyandcementplant,abrickplant,anoil tranquility.-Themajestic,.refmery,andseve�altextilemills, untouchedRioGran.dewithitsallworkingwiththeUniversityto overflowingbankssurges.rightbyprovideusefulskillsforthe theUniversityandisafavoritestudents. crossingzoneformuchofElTheUniversityofTexasatEl Paso'sculturalinfluence.TothePasoisfortunatetobelocatedin northwestisanotherborder,suchascenicpalisade,anditsvast ASARCO.ASARCO'sdutyistoopportunitieshelptoenrich maintainapurifiedexistenceforuniverisitylifeandtheELPaso thestudentsattheUniversityandcommunity• thesurroundingcommunity.Its· mostnotiblecharacteristicis.the ARTIFACT•(somecallita smokestack),whichhoversover

Editot'bi:c~~Th;;;~JJ,:,-1Ann Crowe: Biology -major, sophomore, neit~J; wre~ all-aroun'~ f~l, and nonbeliever f{!J ;(;;J \ti ' ' \;:\

¥~aging' ' E~i,l~9fe~n T?.!~ert. --Journalism, senior, busy, always w~~~ng. '?~;'i\1(~t •h< J{f/ Pho'togqtpher-Dei:mis GJ.!e,rta: Senior, •secondary education, jobless, beardliss 1 owner of tlie _'¢ai~ • ~·<\t~:fJ l} __;;,

: Assistant Ph;~~;~pher-Don T. Knott. Sophomore, NexiaHsm, Combat cadre leader-mountain _ desert revolutionary liberation front. •

Staff members: Ann Keller, Danielle Alvarez, Tom Enger, John Ehinger, Terry Hammons, Cindy Curtis.

Thank to Michal Summers, Linda Willis, to KINT AM/FM, Chief Coulter, and all those who made this possible.

Publications's Policy •

The view:(~xprJised

El Butrn brings you it's very own version of · the downtown papers Capt~in Kangawho with his tiny tidbits of titillati!)g truisms to taste your toast with _ every morning; (That is if he got around to finding the stuff in his attic for your monling paper that he wrote ten years ago).

Good .Morning ·

F.un Country

ANOTHER POLL -

Polls can, and do ' , show almost anything. Because of this !found one that I liked. It wasp.'t any old poll, it was one my cousin in Rotten Hals took for me:and since it was just what lwanted to hear I thought you would want to hear it too. •My' cousin • asked the questions and._ his neighbor -folk gave th~ right answers. _

QlJESTION - Do you think Richard Milhouse Nixon has - a cre9ibility problem?

• Answer - Richard • who? On Richard President Nixon -• you ~ean? What kind 6f problem you saying he _has?

Qtjestion • - Do you • believe everything he says?

• Answer - He;s the President, ain't he?

·

_ __ _

I can proudly say that all three ofthe people my cousin asked said • thesame thing. It's good to know there -are still a -few more of us around; ain't it? For a while there I though -i was going the way of the DODO: Imagine a DODO with his very own nespaper. Ridiculous! EXCITING LETTER •

My wife and I just got a letter. Not only was it a leUer it was three and a half pages long. I want to share the best Parts with you. It's from the hotel we stayed at last year wh~n we took our annual

vacation tQ Fabens. couiigeious charge backwards Dear Friends; shortly before he was retired in • This is j~st a friendly reminder one of our • 'glodous battles. that our room is for rent again in Scarsborough writes: •lovely downtown Fabens and since Dear Friend, •we enjoyed having guests so much It- is with great -alarm and fear ast year we were hoping you • that I write you of a matter most would consider us again. The only urgent: Our satellites _ have thing we ask is that you not sing - dfacovered that the - Russians are • all '. Jou,r • stanzas of the painting - their :ICBM's with their Star-Si:iangled _ banner - before National colors; It has come to my retiring with the Mrs. •Also, you attention that -ours are still in their left a number of red, white, and • basic gleaming silver'. What -_a blue towels lying about. _ disgrace to· the - American Those folks really know h.ow to taxpayer! Jf we are to destroy the make you feel wanted don't they? enemy then shouldn't we do sofa We really had a nice time there flying colors? The Russians will be Thank you for writing Mr. and destroying us with their colors Mrs. Smith ofl20 Right Lance, flying - high artd after our Fabens Hotel, Fabens, Texas. •annihilation we would simply send These fine folks manage my motel over anonymous missles in for me where you can't beat the gleaming silver! Absurd! prices and the service in the whole It is because • of this •urgent town. oversight by our defense • DEFEN~E SPENDING department that _ I ask you to

• Thanks to a letter from ex-Rear _ encourage your re aders to support Captain Scarborough I have been - a 12 biHion doll~r increase -in our

•• made awa re of a: threat to our defense spending •• SC> that the

• ri.~ti~nal • security. Scarsborough Soviet propagandathreat can be

• was the semi-intelligence officer adequately covered.

f o r t h e b r e a k d o w n • Annihilation with communications sector of the Patriotism! little known, but highly respected

Yours truly, 48th regiment of the • GREAT Ex-Rear Captain Scarsborough WARS. His nickname is old Iron Glatteus Maximus for his

Smog over

Politics And Other O.ddities

Wheatley And Downtown News

• By Glenn Tolbert

Richard Wl}eatley really isn't mad at anyone.· He just doesn't •belie"e that filing a misdemeanor complaint ag:Jnst Mayor Fred •Hervey of El Paso is sufficient reasonfor losing his:newscasting • job at KTSM Radio-TV (Channel 9), The complaint alleges Hervey's violation ofthe new Texas OpenMeetings Law. ·

•''KTSM overreacted,)They coul; have simply pulled me off iny city beat. Interpreting my letter of protest to the management for being taken off the air as. a threaf was overreacting to the situation. • When r asked Carl Wyler, principal • owrier of· the station, to put his •reasons for _firing me fo. writing he refused, saying that he'd never • done so before and didn't see why it .wo~ld be necessary this time," Wheatley said.·

Wheatley calims to have' filed the complaint against the Mayor because he feels ·i. sense· • of • tesponsibility to the public's right to know "My story won't get much coverage : in the rne,;Iia locally; tht; cmnpus newspaper i covers it., KTSM will give the facts as- they see them, but by and __ large there won't 1:ie· much said about.it.''

. Wyler caHms to agree· ~ith Wheatley's right as a private citizen to file suit. But when Wheatley did so as a newsman, and· it was his face and his voice on the aifgiving the facts of the case; "it was too much," according· to Wyler.

"l have the right to assign people that work for me anywhere I want. After he (W~eatley) filed the · • misdemeanor .• complaint against the Mayoi: I. too~ him off the air. • He was ~till in the newsroom, at the same salary, and. working the same hours. · He protested and threatened us, so we fired hi~. To say that he wa:s fired for ·no reason is a goddamned He," Wyler said. • When Jack Rye, Executive,V.P. of KTSM; · was contacted,. he contende!l that giving reasons for dismissal in writing toWheatley was not necessary-. "What is never mentioned in this case is the fact that Wheatley quit on usonce to go· to Phoenix where he was expecting bigger and better things. He didn't give us reasons for his leaving in writing. When _the

position· didn't turn out. to be · In Wheatley's case, accusations Pete •Heinlein is •a •. former what .he thought it would.we took ' and innuendoes are being made newscaster on Wyler's KTSM. He him back. We didn't give him our whenever· his name pops up in was hired in 1967 and worked for reasons in writing th~n either," conversation. Examples :ire; Does·. the station until 1972, excluding a Rye said. Fred: Hervey have stock holdings short period when he was called Wheatley's firing. from ·KTSM in the company and does this have · into·the services of Uncle Sain. . has received no in-0epth coverage, anything to do ~ith . the case? "One of the unwritten rules I locally, except for The Prospector, Hervey owns KSET Radio AM/FM conUnually broke was giving too despite ·the fact that several and Wyler denies Hervey having much coverage to the National Media Associations have any financial investments KTSM. Mexican-Aineri_can groups," Pete contacted him and asked him for Is it pos1Jible that local politici.ms, said. his story. Among these are the media men and ; all major He was told on. several occasions Associated Press in Pallas, the businesses in town jointly look by Jack Rye that the old man , Cohunbian Journalism _Review, after each other'Sinterests to the doesn't want any Mexicans on the The Daily Texas and Time point·that it has a bearing on the air. Especially the trouble~making magazine. young man's present state of ones." (The old man· refers to National interest in the case is • unemployment? Where locally can Wyler.)

• spurred by Jerome A. Barron's •• tl).ese .accusations be ai.red to the ''I was told not to give coverage thesis, which is creating havoc public in. an effective .· manner? to .the La Raza· Unida _Convention among Media owners across the Reading it In EL BU.RRO doesn't which took place in El Paso, on nation. Barron is a Professor of carry the same wieght as hearing it the Labor Day Weekend, in 1972. Law at the National Law Center,. on television.. I refused to go along with this and George Washington University. His If KTSM. had backed Wheatley's gave them as much coverage as I basic thesis is that no one in this wave-making actions, and stood up • felt I could get away with," he country really has first for his right to file a complaint said.

• Amendment rights unless· he against the city ·government, then Pete Heinlein also said that liappens to own his own nespapcr would not a precedent be set and there were times when Rye would or broadcasting station. No matter the other media businesses in town make comments to him about what one has to say, or h.ow the be expected· to let loose the reins· spe·nding so much time - on words are distributed for ublic • on their reporters and editors? coverage of the convention or consumption, it will not get the Wouldn't it .,be _nice to hear the other Mexican,American groups. favorable reactions it does when·. viewpoint .of others beside the .Pete said that Rye felt more time· voiced over an established media station .owners' op1mons in: should be given .to the Shriner's, outleL Owners of these are zealous editorials and even in. the manner the Boy Scouts, as welLas)ocaly guardians of who says what, and that 'straight' news is presented? . Rotary Clubs. how much in thei.r newspapers, This isn't the first time that This philosophy pervaded not _television or radio stations. • censorship has occured • in local only KTSM but local media. in Why the local media does not news, imposed .· by the news general, despite the fact that look more thoroughly into managers them~lves. Examples national ni::twotk people were in Wheatley's case· can be explained • are hard to find. After all, 'town i!n asse and that the by .them with, "it isn't that suppressed •information i~ convention had _representation important," yet what is dismissed suppressed and by. its definition from oveteighteen states. ''I know • by this simple brush offisa whole • difficult to. come by, however, a this was true; Thad a ringside •field of hum.~ rights. •• few stories do nianage to pop, up seat," Heinlein says.

Two weeks after the cohventton Heinlein· was fired. "KTSM. gave their reasori as my criticizing, on the air, the performance of the UT° • El Paso Football team. There were inferences that my .other stories •had something to. do with it,' 1 Heinlein s~d.

Rye's comment on Heinlein's • accusations ·was, "Since we fired • him, he doesn't hold us in high esteem, You're starting off with a built-in bias interviewi11g people who were fired here. If there was a· '· •• convention in 1972 I'd say we covered iL l'here _is no ·policy here on not covering radical· groups. I • don't_ think we ignored any news stories."

Concerning Heinlein's •c.riticism of the football team on the air, Rye said, "He was· not hire~ to give editorials."

• Incidents concerning local· businesses and certain privileged individuals having their interests protected have also occured according to former. employees of two television stations.

Jsoeph della Malva; Student •Publications Director, was a newsman and later News Director at KR0D-TV, now KDBC-TV~ • from ·• 1966 to 1970;,; :wwte claiming that the station did carry· stories _:which were adverse .to local businesses, advertising on the station, he recalls two incidents were management persuaded the news •department not to run certain stories.

THE MECHANIC

Presently Beasley, ":-Ie 'll go easily!"

Remember old Don Corleone, · And the • offers he· mad to his How about,Bosseau? cronies? Where did he go?·

Well, look at Don. Ollie B.' Hell! He's probably fish?ait! Simpleton, ,It's hard to count all the hits he And his offer to Vice President has made,

• · Pennington, •. From his astroturfed office where Or the one to Vice P;esident he si_ts all afraid,. ..Brooks, · When HE makes an offer you '_ "We gotta get rid of dem kooks!" cannot re;use, Then to Vice President Hatch · ~·Ian, _he s gonna win and you Who don't care to play catcll,' gonna LOSE! _ And now has to wait in Kuwait. • But the day always comes when Next it was Polk the tables are turned, ''He wasn't kinf;lk, And O.B. himself will. inost likely And • ·t .all c h • d f h get burned. 1 s_ 1or t e goo o t e state!"

In 1967 two UT. El Paso football players were arrested for stealing acoin machine at a local ,:ar wash. Since. themen were on athletic scholarship, partially supported ·· by a .local bottling bompany which adverHsed heavily •On: the station, management felt that it would be better notto run the story: The_ News Director at the time wanted to .run the story, since films had been taken of the • arraignment and it.was ready to run, but management felt thi.s would hurt its· business interests.

_:_ Unanimous

Della •Malva tells of anothe,r incident, whert • he was News Director where management persuasion. prevailed. It involved the story of a truck, owne_d by the same obttling company, which was involved in a two-car accident in which no one was injured, but the driver of the truck was cited for

Continued on Page 4

POLITI.CS· And Other Oddities

·''Efficiency" Hits· Local Firm

(Wheatley Continued)

causing the accident. ''Since the b<>ttling comp~ny was a heavy advertiser on • the station manage~ent used strong

prominent El Paso family have anything to do with the story· Fred's. Fizzle Filers Inc. had ''retired", efficiency set in at a getting only minimal coverage? finally been caught up in Jt all.. maddening·. pace. Professionals tinding what they wanted. Now The BANDITOS dido 't kn. ow ·w·r're· ·imported pro,.essi·o·nals i·n t.hey could spend hours decoding Hiudsight allows the inevitability ' ' 1 • "anybody" a.nd, thanks to the th1·s· case be1'ng· anyone who had new systems and walk away with a of the new trend toward efficiency • · •.· • , intense in. terest local ne. wscasters· spent eno11gh hours i·n a classroom· felling of accomplishment. if the. y at a. ny cost. The first sign of H was and newspapermen bred into their when Fred himself was. asked to to complete their Masters Degrne • •left with what they had come for. story, they were condemned in Fizzle Filing.. These people·; Certain doors, which had always leave the firm after some twenty b • nationwide. after being given a crash course by • - een open to the public, now had ·odd years of building it up from a • ·rt· ·a1

persuasiqri on me not to run the • story., I suspect the action was taken to protect the advertiser. Though I protested vigorously, I did not consider that confrontation sufficient reason for What. of the rape case w.here a th.e Fizzle. Filers already p· resent,· o 1c1 hours during which..• they • ,, few hundred scattered mes to its me to resign. prostitute charged a policeman· were t.hen put in charge of them. could pe entered. Some would H · 1 · all · current collection of 400,000 or • em em rec s management with raping her in jail last month?· Coffee break trivia now turned close atS:00, while others would censorship in 1967 by KTSM How many El Pasoans know that so. Despite his rr. t lier · srfange form. the sexual exploits of follow open in concert with the one's when he had covered a story and story? Not many' because the sexual habits, which furnislied employees. to who got the latest being closed. •• • filmed the arraignment 9f two story was buried 'in the back pages ample material for coffoe break demotion. "Betty isn't head filer It was. coinplete now. The firm young men, both sons of a local of the newspapers and the conversation among the staff, Fred in Fizzle Processing anymore. Now was much more efficient, ind business man who advertised on prost1·tute's story was never had been a personable sort, whom • d th much of the work was·d·o·ne under·

• she's only a supervisor .an • a_t the_ station. The·. y·oung m·en· wer·e·· even • the more vicious • of the • th 1 ·ct 1 • f h uttered by any newscaster: new guy is in charge of her as well e ea ersup o t e new young accused of beating up a woman The latest. installment in our •gossips Hked and • respected, as Fizzle Sales and Fizzle man who was imported for the and stealing h_ er purse. Heinl.ein lf d despite the fact that most oftheir purpo. se. se .-censonng me ia comes from • Promotions", was typical of the·• claims that despite the story being what was once the only "FREE tongue •wagging centered around new trend in conversation. The One thing, however, •got ready to go, a call from their story • •RADIO" in t_own. KINT*FM has his escap~des.

• "new guy" had been brought on overlooked. A fear started jo grow to management ·was a11· the act1·on d • • Things went rather slowly under th k • p f. now turne stereophonic top-ten the scene because he not only had among • e wor ers. • art o it necessary to censor it. and along with this comes the him. The staff did get Fizzle Filing a Masters in Fizzle Filing, but came from little faces with Wheatley, Heinlein and della top-ten philosophy. Disc 1·ockeys done, but certainly ~10 tremendous·· professional smiles .peerin.g· around t f f,.

• • · • anoth.er one in somethinrr equally Malva have all had their limit.their comments to who sings amoun ° e iort_ w,i:; put into it.· corners. The rest of it came from a · ·why w k • 1 h d. impressive, and was young to · experiences with the intersts of what and how many copies it sold. ' or· ers w.1 u a.· doctor's boot. • variety of • other innovative local media. The lack of coverage Whereas once the FM station led a appointments could • siinply cio annoxances. •The fear kept_ with t fil. · 0 Of course, the people who were in some of the cases theymentioned· comparatively easy-going role with. ou I mg out forni.s growing, and normal tasks which makes Oll·e w·o·nder· what othe·r requesting pcrmissio_·n togo, and i·t:. at the top did not take all this room for. divergent views; never l - • d were once willingly done now b was not unusual to close down ymg own. They too became • • • su. jects no one has the possiblity verbalized· on any other media, infected with efficiency and became monumental burdens of hearing. about. When a story now ,the void for controversy is certain departments 10 or 15 we~en 't content with mere.ly which had to be accomplished breaks from a local media and complete. minutes early if no customers· were d "for this damn place". • d , around You mightsay Fred ran a emoting people; swapping titles, d. raws attention riationally, it It is not unusual for segments of .nd dishing·· out. ·unheard of salar1·es Su dently' the upper echelon · t b · ·ii f th pretty lo_ose ship. 1· d I • h d h • seems o e usua y o e records or of comedy homs to be - for mere Fizzle Filing;-offices were rea ize w mt a appened, but it "Ban.dito" type. Marginal elemen·ts · 1· t f 11 d b ·h· d • • Employees who had g·ruff. w. as no. w too late. They kne\" that cu ou.·,. o owe• y ·t e_ isc. chan°ed a·nct· p·a·1·nted f. • ''t " personalities and couldn't stan·d .to , o • • • ; : urm ure • of society. which share no vested jock.ey's admission; "Well, we got. w d 1 h under the guise of ·efficiency, be bothered with d.etails were as rearrange ' te ep ones were or invested interest in the local too many complaints about that : al.lowed to. removed and put back in. Staff • much had been lost, including media, political and business record, so · the management continue being members were evaluated in their own potential for promotion, panorama are spotlighted. decided not to run it." themselves:· Why, it was even since the new young man had

When rumored •that occasionally you categories from 1-10 on everything • d. one compares the Jerome Barron's thesis is proven from h • t t al manage, to become very Coverage gl·ven the .BA_NDITO · could catch a scent of alcoh 1 ones Y O person life • fl • t·al • fi d" in El I>aso. The media in this town 0 on ·styles. m uen 1 m m mg a permanent MOTORCYCLE GANG against dori't seem to.· be in any cmi·n·ent lfo breath of some of the workers· , Th ··k • th - replacement for Fred. In the l ' d ' 1 f ·. an s to e Avant Garde that given the murder of a security danager of government censorship; w 10 , 1 a n t e t the building for , F z1 • Fil • • interest of efficiency, he was not guard at a local tavern in El Paso, hours. Some people were loose iz e • ers, new categories for dedic_ated • to promoting thos.e they do _a good enough job on indeed. • Fizzle Files •were thought up so one wonders co.uld the fact that themselves. th •• qualified individuals who had been the accused comes from a ·-Shortly ·after· Fred • was at cuSfomers would not be workit1g in the orga~ization •for bored with simply w1Pdn,'; in ~n,1 wtr"",..,.,11-.,-"-""-111•11·11•11-.,-"-""-111·w-w-.--111-"-"",..,,_,_,-.,-.v11-11-i,i-11-w·w-,..-"-""-111-~·•11-11-llftlM'NWllftlM'NW""MWWMMIAA , •,:,ars. { TRICK:;~;;;;;.:-s-:;:;---•~;,::,-;;;,-:;;.;;;~unknown~... •. •- • Among the workers, and even

· · By F~d Trafton and we see

Should've stopped.with his first • •.. ) !he top crust of Fizzle Filers, a last Terry Hammons

We watch the dying of your ·try

• • desparate hope still persisted. OVERTURE populatjty ·

We should have asked "why?" Anyone as efficient as the young CORRUPTION ON OUR MINDS And remember ..- we've been your Retirement in "White House man and his. cohorts could not • ·PUBLIC: "silent majority'' far too long West" possibly wish to stay very long at Our minds are clearer now

· Because of bureaucratic graft

Would have suited Nixon best- Fred's Fizzle Filing Firm, for a Atlast all too well we can see Dick, you're gonna get the shaft. He,'d have caused nobody harm much more "efficient" place will All your impurity We'll impeach you if you grow too No-one alarm

• surely lure them away, and they If you ~trip away the truth_ from strong • ' Listen,. Nixon, do you ~ant to will be as one with its coldness. the bull

We remember when this whole save face? It' is because of this hope that We willsee whatyou're trying to .thingbegan

Don't you see you must keep in. the old guard has stayed at Fred's, pull In the election you. seemed the your place?. and are willing to work for the Nixon! We've started to believe best man

But it's sad to see your power same salary that they had when The things they say of you

But believe us - McGovern could strengthening with every hour Fred was around. It is believed We really do believe · , • have hardly been much worse

All the Democrats are blind that things will be more lax Of Watergate you knew And every word you say today Too much corruption on their· people will. be allowed to •b: And any good you've done Will be denied on the next day minds themselves, and Fizzles •can once Will soon get swept away And you'll leave the White House · They'll impeach you - and they •again be filed at a leisurely pace, The press is now more credible in a hearse have the power perhaps even over a cup of coffee Then a~iy_thing you say - Whittier, your famous son

Yes, they all have the power! and a hit of juicy gossin.

News And Misc.

your

within a harleq"4in weave • finely tailored • fitting poorly qualityfrnperfection as ought more jest than jester

Tears painted ghostly blue eyes

smile sand blownthrough deserts unwetted

only agony seen ruby brush having failed hideous attempted laughter happiness you must be young must-::::) but seeming so very old unwrinkled

•Jaundiced and scarred with fathomless wisdom and answers howisit you cannotla:ugh you're no( whatyou are what are you a man hung up really · yet not a man between BC and AD to dry and thus is gone butnever was a magic man way back when Michal Summers

"P ssst, hey! You want to score· ' "But, but, but, Officer, we some ashes." weren't doing anything wrong."

"Huh? Oh, pardon me Father, I "Can the song and dance, didn't see you standing there." , Islets."

"That's alright, kid, er, my son. "When in Rome do like a I only- want my friends to see me. Roman, You need any blessings?" make a cross on your abdomen "Sure, Father. You know me, two four six eight always one of the faithful." time to transub -'-"

"SSSht! Noi so loud. Do you "I said to cut the song and want the cops to catchus?" dance, or ' I'll run you in. You "Huh?!!" · know the rules, Islets. There is to "State property and all that, be no distribution of reHgion on you know." Th~ rotund man of this campus for any reason. Now, the cloth glanced Juritively over the chief told us to go easy on both shoulders. you. You just take your practice

\ "This being ash Wednesday I out to the Holy Roman parking suppose that you need the usuaL lot •·out front. .Lord knows that Well, let's get it taken care of most of those cars don't have a quickly, I don't wan t to appear prayer of getting out 6f there suspicious. "Ashes to ashes, dust unscratched. Now get moving.!" to dust - you know the rest .,.. get "I'm going, Officer, just keep

th hell out of here, the cops are your hair shiitOn:" c ~ing, Amen:" "By the way, Father, do you , Hold it right there you two! know where my sister can get an k, grab the evidence before he exorcism, cheap?" h a chance to swallow it."

This is the stark and desolate scene on the Second floor of

Library. Just think what those same thousand$ could do. for

This is astro-turf doormat. It co~t $2.95. For $2.95 you get daisies on your doormat. •

••- This will 6e all astro turC it cost thousancl s m ore dol ars ilian th~ doorma C This time you are the do:0rmat because n<.> one asked y~u if they could buyastroturfwith some of

money.

tJ1Q

this picture.

Ultima.te: Allocation

though an electric shock had run which Inteinal security reports is through her as his probing hands I being prepared as a forerunner to a bega~ to seek out th~ mysteries of massive offensive some!ime this

Construction has finally gotten •The walls of the building will be_·. her wonderful body. spring.

underway· _on· the multi-million constructed of a special ligh~ He knews she couldn't hold out When asked if the artillery dollar- artificial lake which is being weight material made of aluminum much longer, and he was right, for strikes might not endanger· the· built on UTEP campus right chlorhydrate and styrofoam coffee as his experienced hands began to lives of civilians in the area, behind BELL HALL. The lake has cups. $300,000 has been_ allocated manipulate her ample body, and Coulter replied "Yea, it might not. been a great disappointment ·to. for the drawbridge which. will be • she was overtaken with ecstacy, she We '11 get another gun from the qi.any Engineering and Biology. niade entirely of recycled spiral couid remain still no-longer. It was fort first thing in the morIJing."

majors who thought that this was notebook wires. • • almost as if the cry of pleasure had •. going to be the site of the new $250,000 has been set aside. to been torn· from her throat as she • Engineering/Biology complex. • stock Lake UTEP with pirhanas, •began to call, "MOOOO," in a However, the EL BURRO staff is man-eating alligators,. and two " dreamlike voicei pleased: to announce that you three-tuske_d walrus~s. However, University· needn't worry. In keeping with due to a slight oversight, no funds our mission of informing you, the have yet been appropriated for Defended student, as to the happenings on filling th e lake with water. campus, we have discovered the Euell Gibb9ns will be the first.

• · • •• guest lecturer to ap.pear at the • exact method in which the new· Engineering/Biology complex will complex. $50,000 has been• • be built. allocated to pay Gibbions and to

When 'asked in advance ·about the event, Chief Coulter bared his opinion that the streakers '.'Would not have the. balls to go through with it." Eye witness accounts indicated, however, that they did.

President Farley Simpleton, in an exclusive interview, denied any cover-up.

The streakers, whose identities

The new building is to be constructed on large inflatable pontoons and the. building will be moored on three large anchors at the bottom of Lake UTEP. The complex will float directly in the middle of the lake itself. replace any parts of the building which he eats.

Police chief: Raiph Coulter announced today that reports haq reached. his ears that several locations around campus had become infested with "marijhuana addicts".

Lake UTEP promises to be one of themain attractions in the· El Paso area for some time to come·, urtless one of the alligators decides that the pontoons lo?k tasty.

Vowing that n_o one would ev~r shoot up a hit of marijhuana again, Chief Coulter • unveiled new University equipment brought in to put down the insurrection.

For students witp. seasickness ..-. ,.._ • ,_ Artill.ery p1·eces on loan ·from Fort

problems, special rooms will be • • • • I .. ' Bliss are being brought up and • constructed at intervals along the •• targeted upon enemy strongholds hallway·. Each room will contain • I' 1 B b "l 'd "sorry m ate, a Y, ie svi The rebel-held territory known three special fixtures designe.d to h • tl 1 d • the door as e qme Y c ose as the "Green Triangle" is located ·oe sick into, and will also have h d h' "b I t h be in 1m·, ut go ere as in an area northwest of the coin-operated sick bag and I Id OK?" soon as cou • • Education building. Loyalist. motion-sickness pill • dispensing d I t I till

As he move c oser O ier s troops have • been heretofore machines. form, barely visible in the dim unable to clean the area of Naked emotions were laid bare are clothed in secrecy, have_

The seats in the classrooms will. • • b d • • • light, his nostrils ecame more an insurgents and it was· felt. that the today as tw6hude runners escaped labeled as ''a bare faced lie" • be mounted on ball bearings· to f th • al' • • · • · more aware O e ien only countermeasure .with any arrest" by· the skin of their teeth, previous reports that the feat· was alleviate. classroom dullness. All • kl • · t • II wh t k1·n • • d & all h f sic y-swee sme ; some a •a hope for success would be to expo~ 1.ng. once an 1or t e performed only in the interest o upper floors of the building will b~ • h hi h he h d ak d th b hi d h to newmown ay, w c a •. bomb .the "&'%&! place back to n e tru e ·n t e rumor that publicity for the UTEP Athletic equipped wi th seat belts, shoulder· known so many times .before .the _stone age." • U'i'EP stude11.ts are virtually' bare Department. "Who would want harnesses, and diving· hoa rd i h, during his tempestuous affaii: with The action was, initiated •in. of creativity. Fortuna'tely, the ' to help those assholes?", asked · the event of one of the pontoons the beautiful, br~wn eyed Elsie, order to protect American lives intrepid El Burro staff was there ohe. breaking, thus allowing the h I t· b & hi

·f f w o now ay pan mg eiore m, and property from the maurading o cover 1e event, a ter a ran tic Th.e stark truth_ seems to 'be that complex to sink into Lake UTEP, nude_ but for the necklace with bands of the. Wearit Long. The •· search for a skim.ask and pair of the stunt was :an attempt to gain each classroom will also c.ontain a • b f 1 T • I b 11 h' h

d th &

the eauti u emp e • e , w 1c e action· is l'.lescribed as a protective • ·tenrus s oes uncovere e •1act National exposure.· selection of life • jackets, resuce he had bought for her just the day reaction strike and is designed to that the_ secret plot had been flares, and swimming inS tructors. before. He felt her body tense_ as prevent .a massive enemy buildup exposed.

DEAR H·ELOISE,

Dear Heloise,

When you buy cocaine off the. street, it is hard to fell the quality before you pay your money, and when I buy coke that has ·been ; stepped on so many. times it is only useful for baking biscuits i.t really· burns me up! A way I've found to teU if the coke. is OK is to carry a regular 48 black light at· all times and hold the coke where , it will catch the lght. Any impurities will shine like a beacon, telling you at a_glance if the coke is a good buy! With inflation as bad as it ;;: today, it is well to re~e~per,. "A. penny_ save,d is a .,.·. 1, I' -

W.D. McC.

El Paso, Texas

Bless you for sharing this "bright" Dear Heloise, idea with •us! Its great to know 'I've read your column for years , you're,,!'snjffing:,oµC, i:iew, Wll-YS. to. ,:and.·.L jt1st,. .th!,mght: .of:.,an idea I

could give you for a change! Want everywhere! . Since these to • know how to· live •to be· one • "employees" are of an ethnic hundred? Eat a good breakfast and group known to be a little bit place at least one illegal wiretap "um-day", they respond with per day for 36,525 days! It really warmth and animal like grunts of works! pleasure whenever you throw J. Edgar Hoover : them a bone or promise to let , No Address given them look out a window! If .you Your swell idea should be a reall don't b~lieve me, ask the man who swell "time saver" for all the swell fo*s who read this swell paper! You know who! owns one! Heloise

Dear Heloise, Dear Folks, That's a really keen idea, and I You • sweil folks are always know •it will save· lots of time, ~oming •• up, to me an~ saying,. money, and work, believe you me! :Why don t you go sit on a • • • Willie Farah flashlight, you decrepit old fart!", so I thought I'd share a tip with you gals who just Hate. to do.·. Housework! My solution: buy • yourself a slave! They can be found in underground ladies rooms in better San Jacinto Parks /.·.~5:·1,~.,,.1.'.:' .'/.··-.:.1·',, /<,:(:/, , 1

Heloise

Fear And· Loathing In The Temple· • .

Wolverton M?untain .inside th~.-------------~-------------'!tecor and the antiques_ clash Temple birth and death of al , ,

RETOLD

, , , leautifully. So does that noise we, s t o r y G o n z o , fiear. insul ~ed. .afte~notes _ from I ,' , , · , . ._, When T am running my toes are

I It can't be possible, I think. Canutillo. , ' - I' ,, l have toes and they talk. When saying "Stop. Stop" Butl do not There.'s no such thh~g as country - By Dr. Thompson S. Hunter I I _go to sleep my toes talk. They stop; ancl my toes are shouting land western muzak. Driving up North Mesa Street saythattheydonotwanttogoto '"We hate you. We h.ate you". I "ls .that , 'Wolverton , during the five o'clockrus~ inside I 'S,leep. They say that they hate me When I am talking to someone my , I ~oun~aiil'?" gasped our edi~o~ in, an unbearably stuffy,car with heat I , because, I ,walk on them and they toes talk too. My toes hate me d1sbehef. My deepest susp1c10ns waves being ricocheted off -the do not like that, and they do not because I am not nice to them. I are confirmed. But maybe it's not vinyl seatcovers in an unrelenting I like me to have baths because then Well, they are not nice, to me. My I muzak after all. Maybe it's only a attack on my senses is like guiding I ,they must be under the water and toes talk all day. Sometimes they ., radio. I firmly refuse to believe in an oven through a sea of ,1 they d~ not like that. When I go to talk all night.. • any such thing as country muzak. chrome-and-glass armored tanks bed my toes do ,not, like to be ·I "Yes, it is," replies the I Last night things got worse. I occupied by , various snarling under the blankets - because they heard IPY foot say to the other I secretary. "Do~'t like it?" pterodactyl's,,,,,',',·:,''_,'cob_,,ra_s_' py_·thons, I 'cannot.see. , , I "O',,h,_,·_.· qe __ rt __ ~,mly,, we agree, ·,, , · , foot "l have five toes and you aredrag_ ons and _the ·_like rettea __ Ung to I / \Vh~n. l put on my socks my fi, f , • ,, a_ greem_.ent_ bem_g,the_ only recourse theu dens after a' day's kill1·ng 1·n

ive. toes; 1 we do a multiplication• , I ma situation l_1k_e this. . I foes do not like that, and when I we can be twenty-five toes. Theri the downtown ·marketplace. The put, cin my shoes my toes do no_t' she can't put us into shoes and she. I We give her our names and she trick is_ to _·_man,e,_uver down, the I •· Iike•it at all. So all day Ion·g and all • •

1_announces our arrival, th_en in the c,an 't put us into socks and if she road without being swarmed upon I night long my toes talk. They puts us into the ,bed we can all I doorway appears Dr. Te111pleton by· _the vicious predatory monsters shou_t how_ , th_ey hate me and I himself. The Head Guru, of I scratch her legs." • flocking out of Exe_cutive Center don't like that, so I say to my toes Now I am going to kill my toes. I course, dresses to suit the Temple Blvd. who will kill_ anything that I "Be quiet''.. Then my toes make a

1,decor - modern executive. We are stands between them and their I I am going to wrap them up tight led into an.impressive _conference 1 lot more. noise; that's when they're in Waterproof band aids so they I home air. I'd made it sci far. Only happy. But that's when I'm said can't breath and I will riot look at

room and after everyone is a couple more miles and I'd be .at I because I am trying to go to sleep. them until next Tuesdays.

I introdu~ed, it begins. the cros_ s-roads and from there it I When I eat my toes talk about

1· · * * * Aren't you glad your toes can't was only a neck and neck race tracking through garbage and they

Like most grim epics, it started , with the 5:05 train roaring its way I talk? Felicity Martin Williams I out innocently enough but no one through the valley before I would I Age 10 I could deny that within minutes, be home safe again to ponder the I an ugly screaming Travesty -wa:s _____ _ strange and terrible outcome of , I born, one from which we would this after~oori's travestry. Right I · , , , , ._ • , •.• • I shrink later_ in fear and ·loathing. now ~he important thing is to I · _ , :, , ·· ,

, I Unholy ~pisodes have a tendency m~ke 1t to th~ crnss:roadswithout ·--------------------------------- to re~am f()rever ~n~raved in the bemg ~atte~ed to pieces by the~e - Templeton thataftirnoon at 2:00 stopp~<i, do you. know what time positions we. ~ill ~.e interviewing co~sc10usnes~ oftll9s involved and screammg buds of prey.The rad10 was of even gr~ater importance, in it is?" before-we write, the finished piece. th1_s \Vas one of them._ normally would help in a situation fact, if I had been told we were What would happen if everyone, Sitting here now, riHeading that It began when Terry asked what like this but in El Paso it's useless going to interview Howard Hughes whether they be student, faculty; , last paragraph it ;n makes so much the procedures were at the to try and get anything even dose I couldn't have been more staff,. or tourist for that matter,' serise. It all fits together. We get university for dismissing,. say' a to good music on the air. ·intrigued. Interviewing the co,uld justwalk_in and'take him up opinions from people who 'should faculty member. Wait. A familiar tune is. drifting· president. And that was, the on that? The mind boggles., know • about what constitutes ''You're not looking at the out to me through _the question. Did Dr. Te~pleton Right now, what's evident is grounds for dismissal and,write an person who does that. I.don't fire claustrophobic atmosphere inside really exist? that we have an interview with the article about someone who did get faculty. That all begins with the the Dodge. Several people had seen his president .of this university in an dismis:,ed: My editor understood department charimen. I sit "They say don't go picture.Theoretically, he was reaL hour and in orie hour we are going it. I understood· it. Why, then, defending the.rights of the faculty. Up Wolve_rton Mountain. ,, But was he alive? There had been a to actually meet this man didn't Dr~ Templeton understand I'm a'judge. I listen to appeals and Shrieking as thou,gh I'd heard a ,' rumor circulating to th.at effect for personally and, see •for_ ourselves it? I have a right to veto a dismissal. I ghost I turn the radio off.in a wild some time, b-t;t no one had ever that he really: exists. We have that _ ' * * * explain to the persons involved the lunge and sit exhausted and confirmed it. No one I'd spoken to uncanny instinctive knowledge At •2:00 that afternoon Terry due process involved in dismissing gasping at th e st0 Plight. Why had ever seen him. He'd been found only in journalists and and I and Don, our photographer,, a faculty member. I explain that would "Wolverton Mountain" reported to have his office heads who've.just downed a hefty walked into the •administration they're entitled to legal counsel. If se nd me into such a panic? somewhere iri the administration hit of acid that this is going to be., building with as much prescience you have any questions about that, .,,. Why indeed? building but no one was sure. No big. Very big. for what was about to happen as a I suggest you go talk to the

Reptilian predators running amok in the streets during the rush hour were the farthe~t thing from my mind when I stepped into the office the afternoon ·of The

one had been there. No one I, So· big, in fact, it almost middle-class Republican who's just department heads." talked. to had ever taken advantage overwhelms the main story, This ··swallowed several hits_, of LSD This was the point where it of the Open-Door Policy which interview is part of a series .of cleverly concealed, in the local starte.d to get out of ·control. So states that ~anyone at all can come interviews we are -doing as water supply. Th,ei-e is a peculiar, far, the , situation. which was in anytiine and have a chat with backgrouna for a story about how office~like .·· sinell ,that permeates supposed to be in our hands had the president. employers feel about dismissing the entire ground .• floor of the slipped. away from us. Snatched in • lnc,redible ,Nightmare. I had come' "Just so no one feels left out ;r , their employees when the admin building which doesn't a vicious plan not to be cornered insignificant or gets the idea that employee. gets involved in disappear until you get up to the into saying anything definite abut to answer a summons froni the editor so I knew something must he up. But. how could I have possibly foreseen the ghastly horrors that were to follow? That

I'm inaccessible, , come on in something , controv~rsial that has second floor: wherein lies anything; We •are dealing with a anytime and I'll be available and nothing to do with his job Templeton's '.felhple, the office of man who is used to this. Used to we can talk_about anything you necessarily. After interviewing I)r.· Arleigh R Templeton, fieldiri.g off questions he doesn't' want." several· employers and President,. University of Texa<: at , want to answer. We're sinking fasL wretched farce in which we were "Dr: Templeton, I haven't seen administratdrs we wiU use THAT El Paso.:The fasi~e-of the Temple. This could be the shorte,st about to participate? any · cocaine around here in as background for still another is furnished in corporate modern interview in the history of the

Ah, •but these questions are pur~ly,. academk, .p.o~. TJ:t~ ,n~ws that we had an intervi~w with Dr.

months. The shortage in story on 'Richard Wheatley's • decor with touches , of class world if Terry doesn't do Venezuela is just terrible." recent firing. Dr. Templeton is just provide d by sever al something fast. She does. ''Dr: Templeton; my watd(his'-·· one _df the pe·opfo iri adrtiinistfa.tive ''frnpressive-looking antiques. The, C:

administrator on what rights an employee has to exercise his constitutional rights as a citizen dealing in a contmversial issue on • 'company time' when that issue, doesn't really have any connection with his status as an employee. We're doing an article about the Wheatley case "

"But you see, sir, we're only By now I'd realized the story what "off the record" means, Anyone who professes to be editor of a publication~ even one _ as dubious- as EL BURRO, knows

stupid to even have thought we could write something relevant from the angle at which we· were approaching this. Anybody in any position of power is going to hedge on the question of employees defending their constitutional rights as citizens in

• what "off the record" means. A high school freshman who cannot conjugate the verb "go" knows what "off the record" means. Did Dr. Templeton know what "off the record" meant?

trying to get your opinion as .an· was dead. Bad idea after all. It was AP Juarez, Mexico - The citizens of Juarez viewed the destruction of America today from a close vantage point - their city being situationed directly across the Rio Grande from El Paso, Texas. One Juarez official was quoted as saying: "I wish I could say I was sorry to 'see our sister-city go, but. .well, they were giving us a bad name."

She's over the brink. He reacts ·as I expect him to.

"I' cant't answer any questions about the Wheatley case. That's way out of my territory. That doesn't even concern me. My only professional concerns are with this university and so long as Richard Wheatley is not a student here or a faculty member, I can't answer any questions about the case."

Oh my God.

"We know that," she continues. (Do we have a chance now? Do I_ see a chance?) "All we're trying to do is get some opnions. .''

'_'I can't give you any opinions."

", • on what bosses think is right and wrong for employees. ." -e.:s.~chance.

"I'm not the employer. The University of Texas is the employer. I'm just here to run the university, that's all." He's patronizing us now.

Sam Ervin, you are no longer the folksiest country boy in America. You're number two.

It's out of our hands now,. He's not going to give us any definiteanswers on anything and judging by the rate tha_t he's talking we're not going to get -a word in edgewise to ask any questions. The photographer has finished photographing and he leaves us. Don, you swine. How could you?· Or maybe he's the rat leaving the sinking ship. You're a smarter man than I am, Gunga Dirt.

By now I'.ve settled back in my chair and· braced myself for the Siege. Now that he's in control he's not going to give it up. He's. going to keep talking as long as we're there to listen. The guru _philosophizing to his disciples. A bureaucrat with a captive audience. Escape is impossible. The only thing to do is sit tight and plot a course of action for recovery measures when· we get out of here.

That gruesome mistake was growing bigger by the second in all its grotesque proportions and showed no signs of edning yet. We were thoroughly ensnared in a vicious tangle of patronizing authority.',;:,.•;, :,_,-. ,Y;\\•Y, ~,:, ._,,.;

didn't even have a car until I was 24 yea rs old." The I-Am~Poorer-Than-Thou Marathon continues. I suppose I should've broken the news to the good man that when he was 24 years old, it wasn't customary for parents to give their children silver Stingrays for their sixteenth birthdays. But what the hell, why spoil it for him. He's going good now. They're coming around the stretch - now and he's ahead by .a nose. All heneeds is one more cliche and he '11 have the title sewn up.

the courts and clam up completely It's 2 a.m. out here in the on the subject of Richard cou~try and I'm still· up with a Wheatley. There is no head full of crank trying to dig up "background" to a story like the a lead for this wretched story. Or Wheatley case. All the facts and non-story. Or joke. Half-written details are in the foreground. We sheets torn_ up in anger are heaped are all involved. in little mounds around rriy feet as But too late· for that now. We I mull over the gruesome were s_till in the Tempie and the memories. A menacing- deadline is loathesome scene was limping looking me in the face and I have along. We must have triggered a • nothing to·. show. The story I set Freudian response when we out to do_ is dead, choked by the "Do you think South El Paso's bad? _ Have you seen SLUMS?

mentioned constitutional rights same bureaucratic nonsense that because not only did he spend 20 gave it birth. L_etters trickle from minutes telling us how Hberal he is _my typewriter which become now but he started telling us how words which become paragraphs •.

South El Paso's not half as bad as_ slums in other cities, as a matter of fact, El Pash has probably the b\!st public housing program in the United States!"

AND IT'S ARLEIGH B. OVER

AP Caracas, Venezuela - David Moses, leader and spokesman of the 'People of the Lord' religius movement was found to be residing in Caracas today, after predicting the destruction of America almost four months ago. His only comment was, "I told you so."

THE FINISH AND AHEAD BY A UPI Heaven - A special interview LENGTH!! was granted at the 'Great White After that, I refuse to write ,any Throne' - today. When questioned about the destruction of America· more. I was sent out to write _ liberal he was. whic become.. .what?

"You can't understand poor What indeed? What can you call folks until you've been • poor _ a series _ of paragraphs, which, yourself. I know. I know what it's connected together, relate the like to be poor." details of the dialogue that took

about various aspects relating to that occurred early this morning, 'the Wheatley case and wind up God remarked, "Thos bastards i n stead c O vering the _ deserved it. You have to admit I-Am-Poor-And-Humble Contest in though, as destructions go, it My mind slipped offinto shock. place in the Temple? What name all its gross and savage wasn't a bad performance." - Cold, numb shock. would apply to a story depicting a

* * * _ situation where an obviously

I can only thank God I'm not affluent educational administrator stoned. Acid at a time like this explained to us that he knew what • would be suicidal. Na"t in' these :it was like to be poor? What term surroundings. Not with these describes that scenario_ in which a people. Mescaline? Mescaline has a middle-class white man confessed tendency .to exaggerate reality to us that he empathized with rather than distort it as acid does, poor people? What would you call and exaggerated reality right now , a group of paragraphs like that? Is would be fatal as well. The reality there a word in the English we've got is exaggerated enough. language that comes close to what Coke would be a good defense those paragraphs would be? I tactic Then we'd be babbling as don't know why he got to talking .much as he is. Reds right now about poverty and, in all fairness would be funny. to The Man, he didn't either "This university has more ("How did we ever get to talking latitude than any other about poverty and poor folks and organization." He's expounding on all that sort of stuff?"), but I still his original position -of defending think my Freudian-response • the rights of the faculty. He •• theory is pretty good. How else do continues. '.'I take care of my you explain what followed?

repercussions. My friend Raoul •Duke has warned me that sportswriting might prove to be too terrible for me to handle and after this I believe him.

The story is dead. Long live the story. I'm leaving for _a life of • ii;nmediate seclusion soon.

A Parody

By Ann Keller

''OFF'' o-uR

WIRE

people here." And continues. "I I was still in shock when I heard have a personal concern for .the words, "poor folks". I didn't everyone, from department heads know whether to think_ that "poor UPI Toronto Interested to custodieans." And continues. folks" was· a result of my garbled onlookers at both the Canadian "Let me give you an example. This state of mind or. if I actually had and Mexican borders to the B.S. would be off the record. You do heard it. But the grim truth would - amazedly watched as the United know what 'off the record' soon make itself apparent. States sank into a gigantic sea of MEANS don:t you?" "You don't know what it's like mol~n rock which was formed as * * *

Cazart! Do we know what "off the record" means? Did· Nixon _ know about the cover-up? That presumptuous insult to our intelligence was no~hing more than a blatant admission that he had no faith in his own university's abilty to educate. Any one who prefesses to be a journalism major knows

to be poor until you've been poor a result of atmospheric yourself. I know. I know what it's distrubances related to the close like." Here we go. It's unbelievable _ passing of the comet Kohou tek. that a man who prides himself on The only known survivors of the all the social work he's done for catastrophic event are· Pres. Dick "poor folks" would use the term Nixon, John Erlichman, and the as much as he does. No one who Rev. Billy Graham. They were works with orfor poor people uses flown to safety in the Presidential the term "poor folks." jct by an unidentified Navy

."Talk about the gas shortage, I , officer.

ODDS & ENDS

Tawny tan tresses in soft cheek caresses

Cascade gentle curls in strong shoulder swirls, And bouncing breast betrays peeping nipple-pearls.

Crinkled corners shy from slanted summer rays; Azure sky and silent glade lie within .the twinkle of your eye

Speckled, gold fleck fetching quie~ passions all ablaze.

Slowly, senuous arms you spread: lithe, lazy, silent stretchingUrgently calling "to bed, to bed!" Such soft grassy cushion is said Resilent, returning love's labor best.

Yet., beware it is not catching;

Tangled thighs and naked breast

Find poison ivy quite the pest.

.David A. Morman

A mood swept throughout the land The little people, long weary of the frost and cold of the harsh winter, welcomed· the return of their warm friend, the sun. A day was . picked for· the celebration, devoted to greeting the new spring and bathing in its glory. As the people were dancing around the 'altar of life', one lad exclaimed, "It's such a nice day what use have we for our robes?" The people stopped awhile in thought and decided that it was a slight bit ridiculous to remain clothed on such a fine day. One brave individual shucked his clothing, and was soon followed by others. After a period of time, many of the little people were iO: a similar state of undress/ dancing and running and otherwise enjoying this early spring d2.y.

Just as the froHc in the sun was hitting its peak, the doors of the castle burst open and out came McCoy the Marauder: a large,. scowling, much-feared ogre. The sight of McCoy brought a hush

THE TRUE STORY OF our part, so we watch television But I don't like the, you know FRANCIS XAVIER MASTRES and get our adventure and because I'm a guy. So I was just AND HIS ATTEMPT TO COVER generally wouldn't be seen writing sitting on our new Medit~rranean HIS DEBTS. stodes about •ourselves, ca~se. sofa covered with bright red velvet It isn't that I'm the type that we're just average, and havent't trying to relax a little till you'd find sitting around writing got time for that kind ot friing. something came on, and the phone sto*s about himself; I mean I'm • But I was thinking· that this here rang •. not pretending that I'm one of •thing that happened to.· me was Well I let the phone_ ring • a those writers that have lots of really important, so I decided to - couple, maybe three times because adventures to tell about. You write it down so you all could see it isn't polite to answer it after the · know. l'm just like you, well, I. -what you tl!ink. first ring or even before the first don't mean just like you, or It was Friday afternoon and I.· ring is finished which I could have anyone else. I'm just the average was home from work about three easily done because we have an kind. of guy. I don't have thirty and my wife wasn't home extension in the living.room ~n adventures. I get my adventure on .fr~b being ·_ a checker at the the end of the sofa where I was television. Television is good for supermarket yet. I go towork at 7 sitting. I said -Hello; and this that sort of thing. You can get the a.m. which is why I get off at 3 woman says that she is Miss Lamb idea of tracking down a spy o'clock except when I get at the phone company and that without ever having to really doit overtime which I didn't that day. she would like to speak with Mr. yourself, because guys like me, •. I was sitting in the livingroom, Mastres which is who I told he I · you see we keep up our end, and there wasn't anything to • was. She said that she was calling which is really the ·most watch on television yet. Those in referral to my bill chich must impor~ant, keeping allthe little soap operas were still on so· I have been overlooked and that.if I wheels rolling so that _all the big turned it off and was just sitting didn't come downtown to the ones can turn, especially when there. My wife Julia watches them phone company and pay it before there is a crisis and the president · which is alright because the; five-thirty they were going tc has to make a snap decision, well inform her about the troubles of temporarilly disconnect my service thats when guys like me do, we do everyday American housewives. tomorrow. I told her that my wife

_ over the. gathering. Women· fainted, strong men cried, the children and elders were rushed to • places of safety. McCoy began to address • the crowd, his magnificierit booming voice shaking the very foundations of the land that they stood open. Quoth McCoy: "Has the entire kingdom gone mad? What possesses you to throw all standards of morality aside? Do you not know that if God had· · desired us to go without clothing that each of us would have been born. .NAKED? Such tomfoolery must cease at once. If this sort of behavior continues, King Arleigh shall be forced to call out the Royal Guard." The little people jumped to their kn;es and cried, "Forgive us, kind sir, we shall transgress thee and thy kind no more."

The ogre fumed to leave and while doing so he smiled inw~rdly to himself.Yes, he smile'd, for he remembered the words of the great sage who said, "There's a sucker.born every minute."

Julia must have overlooked the bill bathroom which was a good thing and couldn't I mail her a check that I did because l found the

• because if I cam all the way checkbook on the back of the •

• downtown I ,vas gonna probably toilet, which is where !guess she miss the news. But she said that it left it.

wasn't up to her and that I would By now it was almost a quarter have to come down cause the to four so· I decided that !'would matter was out of her. hands. I said hurry up and maybe l could get I was glad she took all the trouble home in time to see the news after to. call me and that I would be all. We have a new Ford Country right· down, and that was alright Squire stationwagon which is just anyway. like what I have always wanted. I l had a hard time finding the • drove. it· down to the freeway and checkbook which is in both our got on at the Piedras street

•names because Julia is in charge of onramp.

•paying all the bills - and.· I only Traffic was just starting to pick make out the big ,checks that are up because of the rush hour which important and have a lot to do always is exciting to me, because it with our future happiness in reminds me of all the progress that married life. So I don't usually we all have made. I suppose know where she - keeps the _nothing symbolizes progress better checkbook. llooked in the desk in to me than_ a super highway all full her drawer and in all of mine and of cars with people busily on their it wasn't there, so I looked in the way or coming from their jobs. It's desk drawer and in all of her what keeps this country great. purses and .it wasn't there either, When l got to the downtown so then I didn't know where to exit which is rriy favorite exit, that look. So I had to go to the one and Mesa, because they each·

"The Real McCoy"

After A Few Continued

[True Story Continued]

• have two lanes. 1t reminded me favorite part, except where th e you saved. Is Jesus in your heart." wnn prayers wnmm on tm: cuvta. that I hadn't been downtown since ocean turns into a road. Well right then I wasn't sure that "Well thanks a lot, my wife,Julia, .I took Julia _down to get her "Hi, I'm bro ther Lionel, what's this guy was in college after all and .can probably use this, in her glasses adjusted, and that was five you name, bro th~r?" "My name is ·1 was thinking about getting along Sunday school class sometime. I months ago in March. We don't Francis Ma st res and I'm on my wy • so that ·I could pay my phone bill. gotta go now." "Bless you brother usually go downtown because it is to pay my phone bill, and I only "Well, I don't know about all that, Francis. See you up there." "Well difficult to park there when you came in here for a minute. Its a listen here. buddy, I'in on my way thanks for all that too. See you are out shopping and all the stores real nice place, showing movies· to pay mY phone bill, which has later." seem to close early. Besides, we go and every thing. A real nice place. gotta be paid before fi~e thirty or I went up the stairs and crossed to a shopping center that is. Well, I got to be going now·" they are gonna temporarilly over into the plaza' again. It was convenient to all our needs. "Well· brother, Frances we won't dissconnect my service " "Render four fifteen so I didn't feel so bad I drove over to Mesa street and keep you from your appointed unto Caesar what is Caesars and about talking with that ·college turned down toward south El errand. Its only th at we are unto God what is God's. Have you student and his friend They Paso, hoping that I would be able concer~ed with your soul. We'd got yourself right· with God probably worked in that place to find a parking space so that I like to know that you are saved • friend?" "How long will it take, I showing movies after their daily would only_ have to pay a nickle eternally from damnation. Do you said, thinking about that phon_e classes were over. I was looking at instead of forty cents which is believe that. Jesus is the son of bill?" those steel benches with the what most of those lots charge.· God?" "Well yes, I mean everyone Just step across the. street with designs on their backs which are Well I was pretty lucky to find one knows that." "And do you believe me brother. That's our place over painted too look silver, which are right on the corner not too far that God rose him (rom the there. You can talk with a spirit my favorite kind of bench and from the ,San Jacinto Plaza which dead?'' "I told him that I suppose filled brother." I didn\ suppose make me proud_ of El Paso'.s is rich in history. that was right. "Well you see· I that this would take too long so I history when this guy who was Because· of this fact I decided guess thats right, I don't know went across the street with him to wearing a curtain. comes over to that I would walk through the .• about ali that stuff cause lorily go this place that you had to go me. "Hari Krisn." Now that he plaza so that I could experience to church once in a while. You'll downstairs to ,get unto. I wasn't was right in front of me I could some history. I crossed over at the have to ask my wife some time, too sure about everything though.· see that he wasn't wearing a· corner of Oregon St. I was looking she's the one th at teaches Sund ay Inside they are showing a movie. I curtain after all, it just looked like up at the big sign on top of that school." ' 1Well then bro ther you , think that one where Charlton· one, sortalike the ones Julia used hotel when this guy walks up to are saved and you are going to Heston is Moses,· and the people to put up in our bedroom in me-,, and says, "Do you know Heaven. Hallehuiah, Praise God watching were all shouting, Praise summers. He also had almost no Jesus?". He was. dressed like a ano ther sheep is accounted for." God and Far out! This college hair except for thisbigstringofin • college student so I decided that I ''I know I'm going to heaven, I've student type goes over and talks to the middle of his head where his shouldn't walk right past him. I never hurt anyone except in th e this guy in a red shirt and then he normal hair should be. This helped said, "Yeah, my· wife Julia goes defense of my country and th at gets up and comes over to me me to recognize him as a foreign over to church every Sunday and covered under th e exceptions to while the college student sits down. student except that he spoke good that the both of us were always , therule. If you don't mind I gotta to watch the movie which is .at the · English,-except for. that first thing donating to the United Fund go to pay my phone bill now.:: point wht:re theflamingbush with he said which I suppose means which is supposed to keep you "Here brother take one of these. God inside is hitting clay tablets hello in his language. "Would you covered. No brother, I mean; are He handed me a little red book with a flame thrower, which is my like to buy some incense so that

'iii-Oiii-Tiif_T_e_rripl'e----------rNEiVS-7

"The Earth is flat," announced. university president • Farley 'simpleton, "and anyone who thinks otherwise is a running dog revanchist." I'm keeping with. this policy all terrain prominences are being buldozed to a "ti:ue ideological ·level."

''It is felt that when young min~s are surrounded by random uneven surfaces and non perpendicular lines and planes the mind itself becomes uneven and random. We are, of course, likely to meet resistence from so· called ecologists, but these are the very rand.om minds that we are trying to eliminate."

In • further keeping with this policy the library, "which was obviously designed by a revisionist pig," will be demolished an4 replaced a proplerly planar stru~ture.

When asked if the trapezoidal Bhutanese structures would remain, Simpleton replied, "I'm afraid that those too will be demolished. You see the .slight devia,t~on." from the Jrl,l(l square

, March 1974 we could feed the poor." "I give to the United Fund which has got me covered for stuff .like that. They take H right out of my pay check down at the plant."

"Krishna is God, Krishna is love, Krishna is all, all that ever was; all that ever shall be. His love is manifest. Would you like one of our books?" He showed me this magazine that had a picture of a little white doll that was dressed up like so!'.llethitig out of Aladdin's lamp which had all the.se funny glass flowers and pearls and stuff ,all around its feet. "No I don't • think that I want to buy and books right now·. I'm on my way to pay my phone bill." "Say Hari Krishna and you will find happiness in heav.~n and bliss on earth''. Then he began to sing and dance •a catchy little tune which I have forgotten except for that part that qieant hello. I took this to be some of his foreign cutoms which he had not yet learned to give up. "Well goodbye~ Good luck in your studies as a foreign student."

"Harl Krishna,'' he said which made me think· that he was from Okinawa .where goodbye and ht:llo are the same words and also explains why he spoke such good English because w_e have had bases there since we beat the Japs. I was in the. middle of the plaza and I could see all the things of •• important historical notice su.ch as

which manifests itself in these building is even more confusing and dangerous than ·the hills and • valleys themselves. Impressionable students viewing those structures · might think to ·themselves, 'if that is acceptible why i:10t one step further.' Soon we would be back :it the stage of geometric confusion tht prevailed When I an-ived here.

complex") and an empty wallet. I , I Over~oses of ' UTEP occur I , , , ,, I

occas1on~ly; and the victim I

usu, ally wmds upasahop,elessTA.·•coR

UTEP pushers can be found in

the Student Affairs and Freshman

C',- • ffi '·

.x;rvices o ices..

• the place •where you can stand, and ~ve a speech which is where President McKinley, who is a martyred president like John Kennedy, gave a speech a long time ago wheri he was still alive, but I'm sure if he was president then. T~:'lre is a commerative plaque __ • •ells about it there right f--i riu where they' give the speeches. l looked into that fountain where they used to keep the alligators before the people poked them with sticks and there was no water in it any more, which I guess is due the water • shortage.

A new drug has made the· scene Tragedy struck today as a team on campus, UTEP (Ultra Tri of terrorists, believed to be • Euphenism Phosphate), Unlike its· members of the. militant group predecessors (i.e. LSD, sTP; Associated Students Spreading DMT), UTEP cannot be taken in Havoc On Lipoidal Entities of the one dose. It must be absorbed Sou thwe st (A.S.S.H.O.L.E.S.), a sfowiy in small doses over a four branch of ITT, kidnaped the first year period. These small doses are and second floors, and the ground•. • called "courses" in UTEP user's·. floor of.. the historic UTEP jargon. The drug is absorbed Library. Witnesses were stunned. through the eyes, and ears, and The UTEP Police were manifests itself as· a pain the ass. summoned from stake-outs in the Other symptoms of UTEP SUB and the hill behind. the addiction. are: inflated egos Education Building,· when, they (9tp(lrw:is_c:l ~C>Wn ,as "smartcass were busy fighting crime.· After ;!,_.,\' lj./ ·••-:I;• 1 ·;{ ,s", ,.,', !,'·,

finding· out where the library was I supposed. to be, they rushed to the I spot, on,y to find the tqird floor of that once gn~at Tibetan I structure •hovtfring forlornly I overhead, stark and lonely in the I · bleak afternoon sun. Chief Coulter said in an exclusive , interview, I "Oh, wow!" • ·I A Library> Staff member told this reporter' "It , was terrible! I They took all five books, including I· two which r .hadn't finished; coloring." • , No clues have been found, hor are any expected.

This girl came over to me with a backpack on her back and said, "Spare change". I knew that this m~ant that sh.e was begging me for money because I had seen it done on Saturday Nigb.t at The Movies. "Got any spare change mister, I hven't eaten all day, and I gotta feed my kid" which I noticed was stuffed .in her backpack the way the Indians do. I recognized her to be a Hippie because she was in her bare feet and she didn't have a bra on. Also her hair was not done. Even though she was a hippie I felt sorry for her because she was a girl and she had this kid on her back. I felt around in my pocket and t'ound thirty five cents which was left over from my lunch money because· I didn't eat any desert

Continued on Page 11

• March 1974

Xavier Continued ~•""""'"" ,..,._~' that day _because I was hoping to. •and the ,Rh~i:-\;Jo-ildn~t~.ve my there by yourself?" "Yes." .I we live man, you didn't have not trim down a little because· its dime bi¢k: eve~ though-: 1:rn.t it. walked back around to the front I.D. man and nono bread so we• important that we keep ift as a This .~i·i sha~ beqmse tht{~as of the Hospital to cross the street figured th at it would be cool to · nation. I gave it to !1er a11d she ' niY ,~f di~~;,,thaf'J: had it?.fi,y to the parking lot where my car bring you here to crash. I'm sorry said, "Far out! Pea,:h and love pocµt' left' over (roITI my hl~qh was when I realized that this was ifit freaks you out man." brother!" I wanted to say that she mort~Y:, becaus'e'~·!·:~~~eq'.'.:·w.e the 'wrong parkinglot and that my I got up. out of the bed and was welcome but she left1i1e right rest qf-my rrio_t1e:¢\"6,tfiat girl-~J.tist car must be around the.other side that's when I realized that I didn't away and started to_ ask so~neone then \-s;t~, i(police C~f~,1~·•fue of the hospital. !_guess that I had have any clothes on. "Hey where else for money too. I notice_d that corner stcmP~-~t-a,f~l.jlft so I been in such a hurry to get my are. my clothes, what didya take it was now four thiity and that I'd started to 'rffit.S;~the light head X-rayed that I had gotten all my clothes off for, I shouted as I better get a move on, so I started changed and the police car took turned around. So I started to • pulled up the quilt to hide my to wal !,;: to the oprosite en~ of the off down the street and turned walk around to the other • side private parts." '' i warit to get outa plaza. I felt glad that America is a right on red after having. stopped when J guess that I must have here,. I was only on my way to pay great country and I was glad that I and .checked to see if there was passed out. my phone bill, and all . this had decided to let them t;ike a nay traffic coming the other way. Anyway the next thing that I happens. Jesus Christ, I can't dollar out of my paycheck every. I had called to them but they had knew was that I was laying on this believe it! Julia will never believe a week for the United Fund,. not heard me. mattress in a mom. There was a word! How can I explain being out. All of a sucfden this guy runs I decided ·that the thing to do quilt over me and_. there_ was this all night! _Where are my clothes?" - over to me 3Ucl pnt's a· gun in my was go to my:c~ and ddve .to the backpack leaned .up against the_ "Stay. cool inan.'' "I am cool, I'm face and tells i•1e to give him my police station; hvalked along the wall and this wa·s ali :that was in freezing;i;{here-with no clothes." wallet. This _w:is t() the side ,)f the sidewalk outside the park because _the room, There was light coming Hey mari, your clothes are outside fountain by a ·bench. and for that it was fairly dark inside and I in the. window so I supposed that I on the grass drying with the rest of moment there wasn;t anyone else didn't want to take any chances _had been there all night. lfelt this our shit. 1 washed ~em out when around_, I gave him my walllet and especially after what had thing on my head so I reached up I took a ba th laS t night. They I started to tell him what a creep happened. I was another police car and ound this cloth wrapped .should be dry by now. I'll get· he was when he hits me along-side across the other side of the park, around where that guy had hit me. them for you.". of the head and I guess I fell onto but I didn't even try to go after it I wasn't quite awake yet and was She went out of th e room and this bench tJ at was right there. I as l could se_e that it. was turning just laying there when the door after a while she came back wi th don't know what happened then to go down south El Paso St. opened. It was the person who I • my clothes. "Here are your because I was knocked out on this where the Mexicans live. When I recognized as the Hippie that I ha_d threads man. Hey what's your bench. got to my car, I discovered a ticket given the thirty five cents to and name?" "Francis. I'm sorry th at 1

down and sides the way they do on television. "This ones clean.'' By, now they had Ali and Ruddy leaning toward the other ·wall. They were rooting all over the • place as if they w.ere looking for something. One of. the officers came out of another room holding the baby that • I had seen Ali yesterday. ''This little sow has a piglet," _he said and. handed the • baby to another policeman who • took it outside. After a ~hile they stopped looking around the pla9e and one of them who I recognized as a sargeant came over _to me and said, "Where have you got the stuff stashed?_" -'~OJficer, I don't kow -whats going on here. I don't· even know th_ese people. I was just staying here for the night because they found me. after I passed out after I . passed out .after I was mugged on my way to pay my phone bill.'' "You what!" I started to try to explain again, when one of the officers said, "here it is. It was in a pocket of this here backpack.'' Ali shouted, "You damn bastards. Its a plant and you know it!" The Seargent said, "Take 'em downtown and book under · my· windshield wiper who owned the backpack came in yelled at you. You were only

After a while I woke up and informing me that I would have to and·sat down on the mattress next trying to help. Would you please 'em." it was dark and I looked at my only put a nickle in and now to me. "I don't know what you go into the other room so I can get watch an it said a quarter of eight, wished that it had been a dime so were on man," she says, but it sure dressed?". •:sure Fra?,cis. I'll· get·

We were loaded into one of those paddy wagons that they put criminals in. I was informed that I was charged with possession of illegal 9rugs_and.that I would have a he_aring in about. an hour. They put J!le in a ~elLall by myself and after abouf fifteen minutes an which meant that I couldn't pay tl_lat my time wouldn't have run put you· out like a light. You cut you something to eat. my phone biJJ. anymore and that out till they stopped checking. i your head when you fell, man, but After she had left I 'decided that my service w<>uld be temporarily put the •• ticket •in my glove it's. not bad, : it's really just a none of this was her fault. Really disconnected because by now it compartment along With_ my scratch." ''Someone stole my it wasn't anyo~es. Once I wasinto was out of _their hands; Lfelt real checkbook and started· up my wallef and hit_ ine.1 passed out by my clothesJ went into the other bad about that· and then I Country Squire whlch .so far has that hospital." ''Wow, far out, was room w,hich•. was a ki~chen. The remembered what happened so I always started up right away. Just that a hospital over there?" girl was at a· table putting mustard stood up to look for a policeman, then my head began to .ache and "Wow/' "far out," was that a on a pie~e of bread. "My name's only I felt real dizzy all of a • pound and I got scared that maybe hospital over there?" "Wow, man, Ali, have a bologna sandwkh.' 1 sudden so I had to sit back down. I had a concussion. I decided that if I had known that I would have Just then a car pulled up outstde While I was sitting there I· the best thing to do would he to taken you in there. Me, and and this Hippie guy comes in the remembered that the wallet that I drive right to the hospital so that Rudu/,. That's my old man, was door. He had real long hair and gave the guy was the wallet that I they could find out. When I got to driving along in our_ bus when we had a. lot of holes .in>-his pants. carry to work with me and that the hospital I parked at the saw you Jayi11g there .on the "This 'is :Fraricis·.'and he was there was nothing in if except for visitor's lot arid went around to sidewalk. At first I thought it was mugged down ~€rre and:wants you two dollars and a couple of free • the front door which. was locked. just .some drunk passed out, but to take tiJm down the toad so that passes to the movies. that I had , There was a sig11 that said that then I recogni:zed yoµ from th~t he can c;.11' his :~f~;H: ,sure man, won in a raffel held for the benefit there was a. door that was open park. We .picked you up and. we_'ll boogie • as soon as I get : of Charlie Beddows one of my, around to the left but when I got brought you up to our place. something fo eat." ·"You can have fellow employees who had a heart there that one was locked too. But Wow! man, rm sorry you got my bologna sandwich, I said. I'm attack while operating his forklift. there was a man inside sitting at a mugged. Real bummer, like .a real riot hungry." My wife keeps all our credit cards desk so I pounded on the glass down man." "Can I use your All of a sudden the door flew

officer and a man who said he was a detecti\e came in to talk with· me.J tried to explain that I didn't know anything, but all they saidwas that if I would give them the information they wanted it would go easy on me. They gave me a dime _and· said that I could make one phorie call.

I was really sick; my head was aching, and I was scared. I had to talk to Jtilia. She must be so • worried by now. I put the dime in the slot and got a dial tone. What a relief. I dialed the number. There was a click and, "I'm sorry but the number. that you have dialed is temporarily disconnected " in h_er purse and I keep all of my dooi: till he came over and asked phone? I've got to call my wife." open and all these police came in. identification in my good leather what I wanted. I told him that I "We ain't got no phone, but the door. Two of them had guns, wallet that my Aunt Margie gave needed to .have an X-ra/ or there's ~ne down the road-about a and one said_. "Alright everyone me two Christmasses ago, which something that could tell if I had a -mile, My old man's not here right against the wall/' Ali screamed, • CLlCK"AHHHHHHHHHH was at that moment :on top of my concussion because soll).e guy hit now, he had to go otit to look for and started to .run for the other desk because I. had seen it when I me in the head. He . said; "Have a new place for us to crash because room but. one of the police

was looking for the checkbook. you reported this to the police?" we gotta be outa here tomorrow grabbed her by the arm and threw

• Finally I didn't feel dizzy "No," I said, I haven't·had time because thats when the rent runs her against the wal. "Freeze you anymore only me head was a little • because I was worried. thatthat I out; he'll be back after a while goodamned whore or I'll kick you

sore so I looked around for a · might get a bloocclot and pass man, and then we can take you in the ••• " I jumped up and said, policeman and I didn't see one. out." "Well you really should where you want to go." "There's a "Please officer d?n't hurt h~r, this But I did see a public phone booth report this, you know. But for phone about a mile down the must be some kind of .a mistake. over by the other side of the now you should go up to road! Where is this place?" "Pretty No one here has ••• " He grabbed me

fountain so I walked over to call Providence because they have an close to Canutillo. man." "Well by the throat and pushed me the police. I put a dine in the · emergency room and we don't. Do what did you bring me way out against the refrigerator. "Shut ph9_en b1:1t there was no dial tone you think that you can ~et up here for?" "Because this is where your filthy mouth. We'll do the

EHTi-. , :·,;,:,'\. ,.,. , , :•. talking." He ran his hands up and ·.·

BA.CKTOTHE RIOUS

.111 I fil,~ 1..J

MOTHER EARTH

tons of this chemic annu y

al all app.Jlcatlons have_ been rece1vecl.

Shortages of fuel and power: whenit reaches peak capacity. In addition; severallarge oil and during the energy. crisis may not _ Subterranean water also carries utility companies, including Union be as severe as some persons have a form of pollution because of its Oil and San Diego Gas & Electric, predicted since Earth seems high salt concentration: Many plan million-dollar _geothermal determined to provide industrial wells have yielded water high in plants. Pacific Gas & Electric of nations with alternatives • to .· salts of lithium, sodium, rubidium, California owns. The Geysers. petroleum. One of the more exotic cesium and potassium. These power station. of these is geothermal energy - minerals quickly corrode metal Despite these advances and the power of the earth's heat: pipes ancl turbines when the water hopes, geothermal ·energy is still in

Men have used heat from the is used to drive generators. a state of transition and. useless to earth, in the form of geysers and Concentrated salts are also a the majority of Americans. Even if hot springs, to· heat their homes hazard to agriculture if the water • the Los Alamo_s experiment is since the 19th century (buildings is emptied onto the land after use. successful, it will probably be in the capital of Iceland are heated One solution to this problem is years before geothermal energy is by water from hot springs). In using the hot water to heat fresh anything but a minor supplement 1904, steam escaping from fissures water in a closed system. By this to the nation's total_ energy in the ground first was used to method,· clean water flows over output, which remains dependent drive electrical generators near pipes containing.·.the hot • salty... upon the burni11g of fossil fuels;

Florence, Italy· water and is heated; The well Northern California boasts the water is then returned to the largest modeni geo.thermal- earth.

\,.~

Tli~se Two Articles Are Printe_d In Hope That Someone ·Will Not· Ignore· Them

•Dust And Yo-ur Music

-powered generator a_t The • According to a report by Dr. Geysers, 85 miles from San Cook, heating water by passing it By Tom Waldrep service and technician co st. The exceeding the maximum specified Fra n cisco. This _plant _P rod uces over moulten rock has gretat Little maintenace of modern assurances gained in longevity' temperature for your stereo 41 l ,OOO kilowatts of power potential. Engineers could drill s·tereo systems is required with the reduced noise and wear of system. The majority of stereo (one- third - to one-half· or' San wells as deep as. 20,000 feet to exception of routine waxing of components are a comforting systems are engineered to function Francisco's electricity needs) an <l • reach magma beds. Fresh water ·•· wooden cabinet. The areas where • feeling for the· often times dusty properly below the temperature of is expected to generate l ,OOO,OOO th __ en __ could be poured_ down one maintenance isimportant is in the· El Paso area. 80 degrees. Above this k b 1978 I'm not a .believer of record

w Y • • ' well, heated, and pumped i.lp preven tfon of mechanical temperature -the components Geo thermal energy result~ from another in the form of breakdowns. Dust and heat are by sprays or clo th s in removing du st haven't sufficent physical area to th e interaction of the intense heat superheated water or steam. far the most detrimental factors in from reco rd s, as th ey ju st coat dissipate the heat :generated. of the interior of the earth with andimbed the particles in the p 1 This process soon will be tested the longevity of modern solid state remature failure, b own fuses,

• t The w·ater 1·s eiected • grooves. Outside of ·usi_·ng wa er. • • • J at _the Los Alamos -Scientific components and stereos. and expensive trips to the service through cracks in the planet's Al NM ultrasonic sound wave cleaner, the d 1 E • Laboratory; Los. . amos, • . . • Id .1 bl - d . -th epartment are a resu t. xcessive

t• h t t o. re1 a e-soap an water 1s. e

crus as ot wa er ors earn. Robert Rex, president of Republic noise in ~peakers when· volume

S f fi e Used by • D

• 1 • d best way to remove dust, smudges, ur ace issures ar ca Geothermal Inc. and the originator ust partlc es are attracte to control is turned down is a good 1 • f the 11·thos·pher1·c b th 1 · al and grime. A sink of lukewarm over appmg O of the- twin-well system, was stereos Y e e ectnc indiactor of too much component

I f th th hi h • c- • water with a dash of mild dish P ates o e ear w c are quoted - in Time magazine as dif1erences existing between the heat. Cooling can be accomplished constantly in motion. These plates saying, "this energy could provide particies and various solid state detergent wm do a th0f0ugh job by maintaning a comfortable are located benea th the cru st. all the additional power the nation components. This attraction is of cleaning •reco rds: Holding the temperature controlled room or".

Actual steam excaping from the will require until thermonuclear·· most prevalent •if one looks into reco rd in the water' clean wi th a the use of a whisper fan. !fusing a lithosphere is comparatively rare. fusion and solar sources are the back of a television set- dust nylon briStled brush, -rinse in clear fan, never direct the. air stream

Much more common is hot water devel_oped." - dust - and more dust. This dust , water and allow to dry on a into the cabinet, but across the or molten rock (magma) close to - The availability of practical attraction. taking place in your phonograph rack. Cleaning should top from side or front. Never stack the surface: The underground methods of harnessing geothermal, stereo raises havoc with the be based • on record usage, equipment or block the cabin~t water may be pumped to the energy has led to greatly increased mechanical devices like volune favo.rites, and weather conditions 'back, as these are the primary heat surface and. converted into steam interest in the field. Last controls, switches, connectors, and as the soapy water will not harm dissipation areas. Preventive while the magma areas can heat December, the Atomic Energy settles on components to prevent the records. Skeptics about the maintenance against heat failure is water circulated through them. : ' Commission recommended heat dissipation. Dust has invaded durability of labels can ease their accomplished by keeping stereo

Proponents of geothermal government grants for geothermal your volume ,control when turning minds by painting them with clea away from external heat sources, .

• • energy • advance its lack of research be increased from $ 11 it causes scratchy, noises to_ be fingernail polish. To. prevent spills maintaining cont r o 11 e d pollution as an advantage over million in 1973 to inore than s40 heard in the speakers. Dust added on record grooves use recrod cover temperature•. and keeping. the other power forms. However, Dr •• million in 1974. The commission with a few particles of-industrial or hold above head when appling system well ventilated. C. Sharp Cook ·of the University suggested a total expenditure of pollution causes noise, wear, poor the polish. Making a habit of using Stereo Hints: physics department says the $185 million for research through • signal transfer and reduces. dust covers and covering entire 1. Laying rectangular speaker earth's hot wafer and steam are 1979. longevity of ·mechanical stereo console in bad weather are enclosures in a horizontal plane not as pollution-free as: some. Applications for rights to components. The best preventive the best preventitive measures for provides more sound at ear level. people think. , explore· federally-owned land for maintenance is to ·have a modern electronic components 2. A moistened sponge placed M_ any geysers and h_ot spwnnhichgs _.geo_th_ermal en_ergy have also technician •• seal all mechanical and systems. under phonograph dust cover h d ulfid s d Heat is the number one cause of emit Y rog~~-s 1 e ga,, ell·· ,i~creased enprmously. 1he evices in the_ stero with silicone reduces static and record dust. gives off a rotten eggs sm .•. Department of the Interior reports rubbeL The extra $10 added to solid state component failures in 3. Keeping stereo room sealed The. Geysers generating plant is that almost 2,500. such the stereo system cost will be all_ electronic and stereo systems. improved sound and reduces dead expected to produce about 18,000 d f • d • Preventive maintenance is in not save many 1mes over m re ucmg spots.