BA Photography · Student Book Archive · Sympathy for the Devil by Callum Lewis 2022

Sympathy for the devil

Sympathy for the devil

Sympathy Sympathy is something I feel I do not deserve. When dealing with anxiety and depression, I feel like no one understands me, which is somewhat true. Everyone experiences anxiety and depression differently. I find it challenging to understand my mental health, let alone someone else’s. Therefore, how can I expect others to express sympathy towards me and my feelings when I can barely even show sympathy to myself?

Loathing I often experience feelings of self-hatred. I want to be able to love myself, but I cannot because I am consumed by self-loathing, which I cannot control. I am trying to accept myself for who I am and that my mental health issues will be part of me forever, which is difficult.

Normality Often, I feel abnormal because my mood can go from happy to sad in an instant without any apparent triggers. Like others, I experience feelings of happiness and sadness. However, for me, these emotions spiral out of control. The way my brain is wired makes me feel like an outcast. I always assume the worst in every scenario, which has led me to believe that no one will accept me for who I am. I understand it is not normal for me to feel like this, but for me, this is normality.

Acceptance My path to accepting my mental illness has not been easy. I have only recently started to accept that having anxiety and depression is ok. Sympathy for the devil has allowed me to face my demons. I was first diagnosed with anxiety and depression six years ago. Throughout those years, I experienced many highs and lows. During the lows, I did many regrettable things, such as hurting myself and trying to commit suicide because I could not deal with the fact that I was depressed. On this journey, I learned to accept myself for who I am and to deal with my mental health problems rather than work against them, which has helped me a lot. At this moment in time, I feel the best I ever have. I do not want anyone coming away from this book feeling sorry for me or sad because that is not my goal. Through my eyes, I wanted to show the highs and lows of anxiety and depression, that I have started to get better, and that others can too. It has taken me a long time to get to this point. I know my mental health issues will never disappear, but this journey has helped me to realise that they can get better.

No matter how bad things get, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. You just need to accept yourself for who you are first and show yourself some sympathy.

Callum Lewis