hitched 2020

hitched 2020

Photo by Kylee Ann

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table of contents 6

Bridesmaid Goals!

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How to Pick a Wedding Song

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How to Balance a Friendship with a Relationship

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Relationship Q&A

14

Dating Apps Pros and Cons

16

Finding a Partner in Logan’s LGBTQ+ Community

18

Dating After a Mission

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Bridesmaid Goals!

Emily White

happened: your friend is getting married. And she picked you to be one of her bridesmaids. Before you hyperventilate, breathe, and look at the title of this article. That’s right, you’re about to become bridesmaid goals.

Thirdly, it is so important to put your friendship with the bride first. Schedule a lunch date and just talk to her about the wedding plans! Ask if you can help her with anything. Be there for her as a friend so you can party it up as a bridesmaid.

The first and most important way to become the best bridesmaid ever is simple: be honest. If you have financial concerns, if you can’t be there for the wedding, or need special accommodations for whatever reason, talk to the bride! Being up front and honest about your concerns will keep the relationship honest while avoiding any unnecessary awkwardness.

If you want to really go the extra mile, start a shared Pinterest account with the bride and other bridesmaids. Get a good feel for what the bride likes and contribute! The more ideas you bring to the table, the better.

Whatever you do, don’t say “call me if you need anything!” Offer to do specific things for the wedding so the bride doesn’t have to stress so much.

The second way to become bridesmaid goals is to pick out a dress and buy it quickly. The last thing you want the bride to be worried about is your dress. Make it less stressful for everyone and get the dress out of the way so you can start planning other things.

Putting the bride first also means putting her friends and family first. The fourth thing you need to do to be bridesmaid goals is to build a relationship with the other bridesmaids. Start a group text and plan things together. The last thing you want is to have this wedding become a group project that you alone work on. Understand what the

THE INEVITABLE HAS

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bride wants and deliver it together! Remember to be kind to everyone, regardless of your personal feelings. Work together for the bride!

The fifth thing that will make you bridesmaid goals is to plan the best bachelorette party ever. Of course, this can mean a lot of different things, but if you know your friend, you’ll know what she wants. If the bride wants it, she gets it, no questions asked. It’s also a good idea to set money aside for the party so the bride doesn’t have to worry about it. Let loose and have fun!

Finally, the day of the wedding has arrived.

The last few things you need to do are easy and simple. Smile and be so happy for the bride, this is her day! Be ready for any possible catastrophe. I suggest arming yourself with safety pins, a sewing kit, tissues and lipstick. Stay close to the bride during pictures and dance your heart out on the dance floor. That’s what being a bridesmaid is all about!

How to Pick a Wedding Song Dara Lusk

A COUPLE’S FIRST dance

at a wedding is a beautiful, sentimental moment that is often one of the highlights of the day. This means the song needs to be just as memorable. As stressful as that sounds, it doesn’t have to be. Here are two simple things to keep in mind while choosing your music:

Choose a song that means something to you: A wedding is a social affair but, more than anything, it is for you and your spouse.

Choose a song that holds some special meaning between you. Perhaps it is a song you heard while on your first date together, a song you frequently dance to or a song that reminds you of each other. Whatever the reason, it should be important to you.

Choose a song that makes you feel: We have that one song that every time we hear it, we want to run away from life and flee to Paris to fall in love. When you’re dancing with your new spouse, it should be to a song that evokes emotions and sentiment, so think of those tunes that let your inner hopeless romantic run wild.

Here are five great go-to love songs to help your wedding brainstorming: “All of Me” - John Legend “A Thousand Years” Christina Perri “Perfect” - Ed Sheeran “Thinking Out Loud” Ed Sheeran “Can’t Help Falling In Love” -Haley Reinhart

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How to Balance a Friendship with a Relationship William Bultez

there. Your friend finds a significant other and suddenly you’re no longer a priority. You vow you won’t do the same, but chances are, if you find a significant other yourself, you will do the exact same.

WE’VE ALL BEEN

Once we begin dating someone or get married, it is all too easy to forget our other friends. Even if you make an effort to keep in touch or make time for them, it will never be the same, unless you’re single together again.

“It’s an interesting dynamic once you get married,” said Jenelle Graham, a student at Utah State University. “You almost get sucked into your own little vortex where it’s just you and your spouse.”

Graham said she had been married for about three months before she realized she had alienated her friends. At one point, after being the only person either talked to for a long time, the couple decided they needed to branch out more and reconnect with their old friends. Although she now makes a greater effort to see her friends more often, she lost a group of friends she referred to as “stage-of-life friends.”

Some friends are not destined to be lifelong friends. Some will last only as your current circumstances persist. Once a life-changing event like marriage blows through, they will move on. They’re not being bad friends or unsupportive, they are just unable to adapt to their friend’s major lifestyle changes.

Despite this, Graham said, “Remember hitched / 2020

how important having friends besides your spouse or significant other is.

Having a support system that you don’t live with is so imperative.”

In order to do this, she sees her best friends at least twice a month for dinners or game nights, while texting and staying connected on social media with friends who have moved farther away. In addition, she has found new married friends who understand their busy lives. But for the most part, her single friends have been married and are easier to spend time with now.

“Just because you marry your best friend don’t exclude your past friends,” said Jessica Jacques, another student at USU. “You need to maintain your friendships.”

Jacques moved to Logan from Vernal in August to go to school. Having friends in common with her husband made it easier to stay connected, although the 4-hour drive now complicates those relationships.

She agreed that married people still need a break from their spouses every now and then, so connections with old and new friends are important. She keeps up with them by throwing parties at each of her friends’ houses, going on double dates and having girls’ nights out. Jacques also does what she can to meet up with her single friends although it can be difficult.

Although all friendships are not meant to last, it is important to not lose potentially long-lasting friendships due to a relationship. @willistheginger

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Relationship Q&A Alek Nelson

like to think we can figure out relationship problems on our own, it’s often helpful to get some outside advice, whether its from family and friends or maybe even a therapist.

WHILE WE WOULD

Kay Bradford is a professor in the Family Studies Department at USU. With a Ph.D. in marriage, family and human development, his research focuses mainly on relationship education and how it can help those in relationships. We had the opportunity to ask him a few questions:

Q: What got you interested in studying relationships and family life?

A: I find the power of people’s relationships fascinating. Relationships grow in importance in our lives.

Q: If you had one tip to give young adults that are dating, what would it be?

A: Be real, your best self, and look for the best in the other. Research shows us that the better you know a person, the better the relationship.

Q: What would you say is the biggest detriment to relationships today?

A: Even in a great relationship, the other person can’t make us happy. We bring who we are to a relationship.

Again, be your best self!

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Q: How can couples learn to c ommunicate better?

A: I hear, “We can’t communicate,” but couples communicate constantly, for better or worse. Especially if you disagree, consider her/his point of view.

She/he may return that favor, or probably already does that for you.

our free class, “How to Avoid Falling for a Jerk or Jerkette.” Taught through USU Extension, these classes are available in many counties in Utah. We also have free classes for healthy couple relationships, parenting/ fathering, and blended families: https:// healthyrelationshipsutah.org/class_descriptions/smart-dating-class-description.

Q: What are some tips for handling disagreements in a relationship?

A: As cheesy as it sounds, try reflecting back what the other person said. It could be a revelation.

@nelsonalek

Q: What are some signs of a healthy relationship?

A: Look for respect, trust, and honesty.

If those things are there in the relationship, then caring, fairness, and good communication are often there, too.

Q: What are some signs of an unhealthy relationship?

A: Manipulation, dishonesty, and control are “EXIT” signs in a relationship.

Q: Why is visiting a marriage and family therapist useful for couples?

A: While therapy can help couples see their strengths and challenges, relationship education is a great option for most.

For singles in Utah, I strongly recommend

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Finding a Partner in Logan’s LGBTQ+ Community Darcy Ritchie

that dating can be hard, but it’s even harder for members of the small LGBTQ community in Logan, Utah.

IT’S NO QUESTION

Henry Fye, a gay freshman at Utah State University, described his overall dating experience in Logan so far as negative.

“I feel like the LGBT community in this area is really small, so there’s not really any options,” Fye said.

“It’s nonexistent pretty much.”

When asked how many openly gay men he had met so far at USU, he answered that he could count them on one hand.

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Another student, Nat Skousen, who identifies as pansexual questioning and nonbinary trans-femme, expressed similar experiences dating in Utah.

“Dating is hard here simply because it’s hard to meet people in the LGBTQIA+ community who are visible, single or willing to date,” Skousen said. “That, coupled with the challenges of dating in general, it’s difficult to be in a relationship.”

Skousen also expressed Utah’s conservative culture causes visibility to be difficult for members of the LGBTQ community.

“We live in a very conservative area, and while we have Pride and organizations dedicated to deconstructing stigma and discrimination,”

Skousen said, “it still definitely occurs -and from anybody.”

Finding open and visible members of the community is a struggle for most students in the area, and while dating apps help with visibility, opinions on the apps are mixed.

Brinleigh Cahoon, a bisexual USU student, has found dating apps to be helpful.

“Dating sites have definitely helped. Tinder is alright, but for my gay side, I like the site Her,” Cahoon said.

Even with the dating apps, Cahoon still identified finding people to date in Utah as her biggest challenge.

“The sites definitely make it easier, but

sometimes I see a girl, and I’m getting gay vibes. But I don’t want to seem predatory, so normally nothing happens,” Cahoon said.

On the other hand, Fye’s experience with dating apps has been unsuccessful.

to be asking people on dates, no matter our identity or sexuality.” @darcyrrose

“I’ve used Tinder. Not very good. You can only go so far talking on an app,” Fye said.

“It just never really goes anywhere.”

Though much of the LGBTQ community in Logan struggles to find dates, many students have great success and are in steady relationships.

USU student Chantelle McCall met her girlfriend when they lived on the same floor in Valley View Tower during her freshman year. They have been together for two years now.

Being in a steady relationship is difficult no matter what, but McCall identified the conservative culture in Utah as a challenge unique to relationships for the LGBTQ community.

“It’s definitely conservative, especially Logan. Walking around holding my girlfriend’s hand in the grocery store, you definitely get a double take. Everyone has to go, ‘Oh, they’re holding hands. They’re together,’” McCall said. “Holding hands with her in public is almost uncomfortable, and I shouldn’t let it bother me, but also, it’s kind of hard to ignore people watching.”

For those in the community struggling with dating, McCall advises them to get involved and meet more people.

“There’s definitely people, and there’s definitely a good group here in Logan.

There’s a pretty diverse range of individuals here,” McCall said. “Just keep looking, and keep trying. Get to know people, and get involved with things. You’ll find them.

Don’t worry,” Skousen encourages those struggling to get numbers and ask everyone on dates.

“If you’re attracted to them, go for it,” Skousen said. “We shouldn’t be ashamed 17

Dating After a Mission Sydney Dahle is a difficult journey with many road bumps that can cause you to turn around and try again.

FINDING LOVE

Going on a mission can be difficult as well; after all, you are leaving everything behind to go to a new place for one to two years.

The two combined might make love seem impossible, but many returned missionaries have learned that, no matter how hard it might seem, it’s possible to find love.

Klaus VanZanten is the video and production manager for Student Media at USU. He served a mission before attending school and came back to find that many eligible girls were a lot younger than him, so dating seemed a bit worrisome. He then met his soon-to-be wife, Sydney. She was also in video production and their aspirations were similar. Suddenly, the stars aligned.

“You don’t want to hop into anything,” said VanZanten. “A lot of missionaries come home and immediately start looking for a wife. I think it’s important to wait and not be impatient. You want to make sure she’s the one and that she will call you out when you are in the wrong. You also want to make sure that you like her family, she likes yours and your families like each other.

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You’re gonna be with each other for a long time, after all.”

Some returned missionaries look at the dating scene with optimism. Logan Jones, a recent graduate, returned from his mission with a positive attitude.

“Sometimes people leave on missions still in relationships and I’m sure that’s something that weighs on their mind,” said Jones. “I think it’s best to sever all ties since so much can change in the time apart.”

He continued by saying that returning to dating isn’t that big of a deal if you go in with the right mindset.

“If finding love is your singular focus, as it sometimes is with returned missionaries, then sure, there’s probably a lot of self-imposed pressure to become overly social and go on frequent dates. Everyone has a comfort zone they struggle to leave, but dating after a mission is just a part of life.”

Jones said.

Even so, Jones never considered the age gap a factor in dating after serving a mission.

“I’m sure it can be difficult being a 21-yearold freshman in college alongside a host of recent high school graduates,” said Jones.

Returned missionary Darcie Hawks would agree.

“I feel like I am older than most of the guys who came home at the same time as me,” Hawks said. “They all left when they were barely 18 and got home at barely 20, while I just came back and am almost 21.

It is weird.”

Beyond that, Hawks admitted that it is

scary to think about marriage now that she’s returned from her mission.

“I think there is definitely some loneliness that comes right after a mission since we are so used to being with someone 24/7. Dating after the mission is much scarier because I don’t have a mission between me and marriage anymore, so dating has a much more long-term perspective, which is terrifying,” said Hawks.

Regardless of when you return from your mission, dating is not off the table. Whether you struggle to find someone or can make a connection right away, take pride in knowing that everyone moves at their own pace.

That special someone is out there and one day you’ll find them. @dillydahle

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