BREAK [IT] DOWN

by Xena Hyacinth Estinoso

I learned the hard way that not everything that does not kill us makes us stronger when I made the life-changing decision to leave my hometown and run in pursuit of my purpose in an island I have never set foot on. I came to Iloilo in November of 2018 not knowing anyone. I did not know how to speak the language. The only decent human interaction I had were the mornings I spent with the Carmelite sisters on our way to the University Chapel for the daily mass and little time I got to spend with my circle of dorm friends during meals.

Perhaps, it was that half a year of being alone that gave me the courage to send even an almost blank application form to the USA Pub when they were recruiting for staff members in June of 2019. I did not know why I was trying. It just felt right to be there and to give it a shot.

I was never a writer. Clearly why it took me two hours to think about what that familiar word “inverted pyramid” means during the Pub’s news writing exam. Almost hopeless, I wrote all the articles in a way I wanted to read. It could’ve been sheer luck or destiny, I became a part of the USA Publications Editorial Board for A.Y. 2019-2020.

There is no way of sugar coating it, the USA Publications challenged my self-esteem and made me question my skills. On one moment, I carry a sense of pride to be deemed as part of the cream of the crop, and with a snap I am searching “Feature Writing Tips” on Google whilst frustrating myself over an article I cannot seem to put together.

The doors of opportunities the USA Publications have opened for me are endless. I have learned and become so much more than expected ever since I joined the Pub. Allow me to share my biggest realizations while I’m in the Pub.

WHERE WRITING BECOMES “RIGHT-ING”

More than teaching me how to write, it taught me to see and think in different lights. Joining the Pub popped me out of my privileged bubble and made me gain a new sense of perspective on empathy. It made me think critically and allowed me to understand the weight of words and the truth. Writing is not only putting together words that make sense. In the USA Publications, writing is amplifying voices, immortalizing circumstances that shape our future and writing is fighting for the truth.

WHY HUMILITY IS GOOD PLACE TO START

While it may be uncomfortable to be a beginner, this is where I learned most. Alongside my very little to no experience of writing were the journalism credentials and awards of the brilliant people I got to work with and it humbled me. In retrospect, it was on every question asked and on every honest confrontation that I needed help that allowed me to deliver well. Humility took me to places.

WHEN HEART WORK MAKES THE TEAM WORK

Every year, from a pool of well-skilled students who take a chance to join the Pub, only about 20 can make it to the cut. Despite the fact that it made me doubt my skills at some point, I knew I had and gained the right to be there and my work mattered.It is this affirmation that compelled me to be 101% dedicated to the work that we do. Truly, the Pub is not a one-man army. When we work, we work with our team.

HOW FRIENDS TURN TO FAMILY

Nothing can ever equate the sense of belongingness and the gift of friendship I found in the Pub.

To my Emybells, my EIC, thank you for your understanding and patience. In more ways than one, you made my managing work bearable.

To Glaiza Rae and Jeff, thank you for the unwavering guidance and support. Thank you for boosting my confidence at every presswork.

To my Rotsen Marie, Joanna, Marlyn, Pauline, and Honey, thank you for the fun and rough times we had together. I’m glad I get to share my first year in the Pub with you, I wish we had more.

To my Gemyboo, I don’t know how I’d be in the Pub without you. Thank you for the breakthroughs and breakdowns we had together and for being my sanity and insanity at the same time. I have so much to thank you for and our friendship is something I will keep close to my heart forever.

To the rest of the members of the editorial board for A.Y. 2020-2021, my heart aches to think of all the times we could’ve spent together if not for the pandemic. You, our pub babies, are a great bunch. The USA Pub is surely in great hands.

To Ma’am Cristy Daguay, thank you for the tough love. Thank you for believing that we can always do and be better. The USA Pub has reached greater heights because of your guidance.

To the Carmelite Sisters, thank you for the support and for your patience to wait for me when I have Pub work beyond curfew hours. You truly are my home away from home.

Lastly, to my family and parents, thank you for the unending support and faith you have for me.

My decision to be in the Pub is a commitment I assessed and renewed every day for the past two years. It was a journey of breakdowns and breaking it down. At the very moment that I am writing this, a sense of confidence engulfs me that since I made it to the Pub I can make it through anything I put my mind to.