THE CEREMONY | ALMANDA BROOKS

THE CEREMONY

ALMANDA BROOKS

There are always people who claim to be something they are not. As a child, I believed in everything good in life. Even thought at one point I had seen the Holy People we pray to during a ceremony. I’ve been to many ceremonies and felt them bland and fake. I suppose I was expecting the whole “witch doc- tor” thing to help us. You feel this sense of aura from people and immediately you can feel the disturbance within their character. Finding someone pure in soul is quite impossible. There are so many scams going around and people taking advantage of people who only want to be helped. For a while, I gave up on it because I have a difficult time trusting and believing in people. I have been dormant with religion and tradition for the longest time because of all the disappointments I had endured. Apparently, I believed that God and the Holy People we pray to are supposed to take care of us and make us happy. Why wasn’t I happy? Why did we need these ceremonies to be cured of life’s ailments? Aren’t we the cause for who we are as

people? All these questions had made me lose faith immensely. One day, my sister sat me down and told me about everything that I had been feeling. She suggested I start praying again and paying the medicine men and women a visit. “You got to remember there is also a devil, and he is good at stealing people’s faith in our Diyin Dine'4 ,” she said. “The skinwalkers are out to get you woman.” We refer to our Holy People as “Diyiin Diné.” It is a sacred word to us as Navajos for our stories of our existence are based on these deities.

“I don’t know who to turn to. I just feel like all these medicine people can’t help.’ ‘It’s as though the power we be- lieved in has left us.” I said. “Why do skinwalkers have beef with me? I have done nothing to them but breathe haha.” I joked. She immediately gets defensive, “You should look at what others see from the outside. You are a beautiful, smart, intelligent woman. You know so much, but you don’t give yourself enough credit. They see you as better than them. That’s why they want you gone!” She does have a point. I don’t see myself as that. To me, I am nobody. I don’t have anything… It’s as though she can read my mind, “You know, for a smart person, you can be pretty stupid. Why can’t you stop, think, and be grateful for everything in front of you? You’re not the only one who is struggling with anxiety and depression.” My sister has always been my number one support- er. If it weren’t for her guidance, I’d be lost. She tells me of this medicine man out in Ganado, Arizonal area who has Tin7l44h. For the sanctity of his practice I will not give his name nor his location. I believe that Diyin Dine'4 always finds a way to bring me back into this religion when I am lost. I go out to Ganado the next day to see this guy. I am feeling pretty skeptical, and my mom can see it too. She is a wise woman who believes heavily in this. She would always tell me, “This is the way to go. You are Navajo. How else are you supposed to get better? You may be half white, but the blood of my ancestors is within you too,” she says.

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‘THE CEREMONY’ CONTINUED >

As the medicine man begins to pray and wake up his Tininlet, he looks at me and tells me in Navajo, “you need to get H0ch='7j7 .” I recall the death of my uncle; the Indian Health Hospital had admitted him a few days prior for stomach pain. He was an alcoholic. I walk into his room as he is lying there motionless and still. He looks pale and bluish both at the same time. I call out his name but he doesn’t

answer. His eyes are closed. He looks so peaceful and deep in sleep. I’m walking up to his bedside to give him a hug but notice he is not moving. I grab his hand and it is cold and stiff. I’m trembling as I touch his neck to see if he still had a pulse, he didn’t. I put my hand over his mouth and there was no breath. I walked out of the hospital room pale and in shock. My aunt and mother are in the waiting room ready to tell me the news that I know. My mother was so upset with me, but how was I to know that he had passed? He died of cirrhosis earlier that day. He begins to pray again and “listen.” He’s nodding his head in agreement as if someone were talking to him. His hands are trembling so fast as if it were possessed. The medicine man is pointing at the dirt and out the door with his eyes closed. This is weird. Who is he talking to? At this point, I begin to feel different…like a sense of weight has been lifted off me. They say that once you find the cause of your troubles, the pain will not affect you as much anymore. I feel hope now that I know. Everything that I thought was a lie has turned around to spite me. I complete the ceremony, and he sends me off on my way. He tells me that I need to be humble and holy these next few days. No shower, no feeding the dogs because they represent coyote. Which is understandable. I have seen so many of them cross my path but did not give them a second thought. Now I know. That day I go home feeling “different.” It is difficult to explain the sensations of relief. It was as though the see-through blanket that I have been living in has been lifted, and I can see for the first time clearly. I can breathe finally. I notice a change in my manner immediately and can see the positivity in life. That feeling of hopelessness and trauma is gone! How can this be? Have I finally found the real deal?

My sister greets me and she too can see the change within me. I thought this was supposed to take time to go away. Hell, I’ll take this! She asks me about the ceremony and what my plans are from here on out. I told her that I understand (I have found my way back). She knew what I meant because I had been ignoring her for so long. She nods her head and goes back to her artwork where she is painting a dragon. It is easy to get lost in this world. There is so much going on in this life that we do not understand. Not everything can be explained and that is okay. That is faith. The belief in the presence we cannot see with our eyes, gives us hope. I pray more and give thanks to the guidance I receive in life. Look toward the people who are willing to teach and talk to you. They can be God’s way of communicating with you when you are seeking him out. Thinking in this manner has helped me immensely. The beliefs that I have regained has convinced me that the Holy People have a plan for me. That plan has redirected me to go back to school. Although this year has not been great, I am better than I ever was thanks to my beliefs. I have experienced getting fired for the first time from a job I thought I loved, catching my husband cheating on me with a younger girl, and the loss of both my aunts. I’m sure things would have been dealt with differently if I had not gotten the help from these ceremonies and practices. As of today, I am content and keep the utmost belief that our Holy People are watching over me. They are keeping me on the best path they see fit. My husband has come back to me and has changed his ways for the sake of our relationship and for our daughter. For that, I am grateful. I am still seeking the career into which I can settle while achieving my goal of getting my needed degree(s) in college.