TAUG: Boundaries, Spring 2016

decal |

The TAUG DeCal course is designed with two primary purposes. The first is to introduce students to the rich tradition of Christian thought through various texts written by major Christian thinkers of the past, from Augustine to Martin Luther to C. S. Lewis and discussing those texts with fellow Cal students. The second is to teach students how to produce a journal through writing, editing, and designing articles.

To An Unknown God is a journal of Christian thought at UC Berkeley. We exist for the purpose of encouraging Christians and peoples of other faiths to engage in dialogue about how the Christian faith may influence thinking about important cultural, philosophical, political, and academic issues and we seek to foster a deeper understanding of the faith by providing a forum for discussing these issues.

Every semester To An Unknown God relies heavily on private donations to fund its printing costs. Please prayerfully consider donating to make our next issue possible! Any amount is highly appreciated. Thank you for your generosity! Checks should be made out to ASUC/To An Unknown God and mailed to: ASUC/To An Unknown God University of California 112 Hearst Gym, MC 4520 Berkeley, CA 94720-4520

artwork credit

Cover: Caitlyn Lim, Stephanie Yom; 2: "home on the grid" (flic.kr/p/ZsQr) by Kai Schreiber (www.flickr.com/photos/genista/) is licensed under CC BY 2.0 (creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/) / Black and white from original; Table of Contents: Stephanie Yom; 6: Stephanie Yom; 8: "US Capitol west side" is licensed under CC BY 2.0 (upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4f/US_ Capitol_west_side.JPG) / Black and white from original; 11: Public Domain; 12,13: Public Domain; 14: Public Domain; 17: Public Domain; 18,19: "The Rugged West" (flic.kr/p/67b9Gr) by Kevin Dooley (www.flickr.com/photos/pagedooley/) is licensed under CC BY 2.0 (creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/) / Black and white from original; 20: "Homeless By A Wall" (flic.kr/p/jYZykc) by Garry Knight (www.flickr.com/photos/garryknight/) is licensed under CC BY 2.0 (creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/) / Black and white from original; 21: Public Domain; 22,23: Millie Ma; 24,25: Stephanie Yom; 26: Ami Takei Yuen; 28,29: Public Domain; 30: Ami Takei Yuen; 31: "Pink Lotus" (flic.kr/p/9mJETZ) by Nattachai Noogure (www.flickr.com/photos/natifoto/) is licensed under CC BY 2.0 (creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/) / Black and white from original; 32,33: "lotus flower" (flic.kr/p/dpb5eT) by temaki (www.flickr. com/photos/_temaki_/) is licensed under CC BY 2.0 (creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/) / Black and white from original 2  To An Unknown God | Spring 2016

TABLE OF CONTENTS 4 LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Laura Clark

THEMED ARTICLES

UNTHEMED ARTICLES

6 The Cost of Freedom

24 The Prayer for My Future Husband

8 How Would Jesus Vote?

26 The Strongest Argument Against

Lauren Cho

Meredith Triplet

11 Boundary Lessons From Infants Lisa Ann Yu

14 On the Dignity of Sex A.S. Bethel

Jenny Mun

Christianity

James Frederick

28 Reforming Insignificance in the Church Diana Lutfi

31 Resting in the Land of the

THEMED FICTION 17 Invitation Meal Andrew Chang

Lotus Eaters Eleanor Duan

34 The Dilemma of Faith in a Secular Age

Micaela Walker

THEMED POETRY

UNTHEMED POETRY

10 Broken Lines

30 From the Island of Trees, Looking Out to Our Planet

Josephine Kao

21 Dismembered

Naomi Francisco

Amanda Gee

22 The Reaped Souls

Jacquelyn Vasantachat

BOUNDARIES

Spring Spring2016 2016|| To An Unknown God  3

Letter from the Editor

Dear Reader,

R

ules, divisions, and barriers surround us. They define and confine our world and our selves. Berkeley students in particular are frequently confronted with the charge of finding, understanding, and breaking boundaries. In biology classes, we examine the distinctions between species and marvel at the richness produced by the collision of biomes in ecotone environments. In political science classes, we try to identify the grounds of separation between liberals and conservatives. In engineering classes, we use the boundary conditions of beams to understand their deflections. And in our Berkeley protests, we fight unfair rules, divisions between rich and poor, divisions between races, and all the painful boundaries we rub against that restrain us and divide people.

We chose the theme of boundaries for this TAUG issue because of its importance to Berkeley students as well as its relevance to Christians. As Christians worship, we can be tempted towards two extremes related to boundaries. One extreme is to get so caught up in finding and following rules as ways of worshiping God that we oppress ourselves and create new divisions between ourselves and others. The other extreme is to become so frustrated with the rules and the irrationality of trying to force our personal restrictions on others that we become stressed even thinking about boundaries.

Genesis records that God’s first act of creation was making light. His second act: separating the light from the dark. In continuing his creation of the world, God separated the land from the water, the day from the night, and the seventh day from the working week. He placed the first people inside a garden – a garden which had a defined outside, as they would soon discover. He gave these first people a single rule which they must not break. God created a world with boundaries. In some ways, he created our world by creating boundaries. These boundaries created order and allowed for beauty.

But God broke one of the greatest divisions imaginable when he became a man. The limitless God took up a man’s body and a man’s limitations. The perfect one ate with the most despised people of society and became friends with sinners. God became a human. At the moment of the God-Man’s death, the curtain which separated people from the holiest place in the temple tore from top to bottom.

As you read this TAUG issue, we invite you to explore with us the boundaries in our world and in our lives. We invite you to look for the beauty that boundaries can create and to heal the wounds cut by divisive boundaries. It is our hope that you can use this journal as an opportunity to start conversations about boundaries across boundaries, as we together strive to know the unknown God who in dying tore the curtain between us and him.

In Christ,

Laura Clark

4 To An Unknown God | Spring 2016

"Therefore, the One whom you worship without knowing, Him I proclaim to you." - Acts 17:23 * Not photographed: Naomi Francisco, Josephine Kao, Keana Richmond, and Pachia Xiong Editor-in-Chief Laura Clark

Business Manager Lisa Ann Yu

Executive Editor Jenny Mun

Business Manager-Designate Anna Park

Managing Editor Stephanie Yom

Poetry Editor Amanda Gee

Managing Editor-Designate Caitlyn Lim

Website Manager Kerri A. Chen

Publisher Aurora Ling

Social Chair Jacquelyn Vasantachat

Associate Editors Joanne Chen, Amy Fann, Naomi Francisco, Josephine Kao, Millie Ma, Keana Richmond, Pachia Xiong, Ami Takei Yuen Editors Emeriti Chris Han, Sarah Cho, Stephanie Chiao, Laura Ferris, John Montague, Whitney Moret, Wesleigh Anderson, Natalie Cha, Micaela Walker

To An Unknown God is not affiliated with any church or any religious group. Opinions expressed in articles do not necessarily represent those of the editors. We are completely student-run and funded partly by the student body as an ASUC-sponsored student publication. Funding is also provided through individual donations.

Distribution is free while supplies last. To contact us, please email us at unknowneditors@gmail.com. Visit us at unknowngodjournal.com.

Spring 2016 | To An Unknown God  5

the cost of

freedom

L

Lauren Cho, CONTRIBUTING WRITER ast Easter, for Lent, my family jumped onboard with the Whole30 kick. The only diet I’ve ever tried is “how many Girl Scout cookies can I fit in my mouth at once,” but all things being fair, this one seems legitimate. It’s all about natural: cutting extra sugars, all the processed grains, resetting your body and metabolism to its natural levels. Science. Science. Health.

Science. Hormones. Health. Health. Science. Health. Natural.

Yeah.

It was great to participate in my family’s journey. I recall my mom once sharing about the freedom and joy it was to go grocery shopping. A loose quote: “It was so much faster not to have to go down certain aisles.” Instead of battling with her desire for sugary breakfast cereal or drooling over the various cheeses in the deli section, she found a certain freedom in knowing the rules of her diet and simply sticking to them. More or less, she was talking about the liberation in the law. The freedom found in constraint.

The joy made available through restriction. Something not so far off from the life God calls us to as His children.

Sure, God has some strict rules about the way we should live our lives.

Exhibit A: Don’t lie. Ever.

Exhibit B: Don’t think mean things about others. It’s the same as murder.

Exhibit C: Actually, just live, breathe, and be like Jesus. No 6 To An Unknown God | Spring 2016

big deal.

At the same time, though, God knows all along that it is submission to these strict laws that will bring us into the fullness of life we were meant for. Although submission is not easy, God does know His children1 and all of our needs.

In fact, God knows us much better than we know ourselves.

He knows our hopes, fears, struggles, and desires, and, frankly, our need for a savior.2 He knows that our hearts are bent toward the destruction of ourselves and of those around us. Therefore, without a clear-cut law to tell us what to do, there is no hope.3 So God gave us His own law.

I’m currently reading through Exodus, and it is a glorious story of God’s grace when He met with Moses to reveal the Ten Commandments. Yahweh, the eternal God, met Moses in person on Mount Sinai—such that the beauty of God’s glory radiated from Moses’ face.4 By God’s revelation of His covenantal law, mankind was graced with instructions of how to live holy, righteous lives. For man is reckless. We harm ourselves and one another. We do what we want and we don’t consider the consequences. We need rules.

Yet in the years, days, and minutes that passed after God revealed His law, it was clear that the hearts of men were still set on doing evil.5 There was no freedom to be found in God’s perfect law, because there was no freedom from the bondage of sin.6 Mankind was still just a bunch of sinners, now subject

to a holy rulebook. The ignorance of our sin was no longer an excuse.7 Instead of bringing about life and fullness of joy, the law brought condemnation and despair; for none could live up to God’s perfect design for man.8 Was that the fault of the law-maker? Absolutely not. But the unattainable law, and man’s inability to fulfill it, pointed to a greater promise. One that was yet to come: Jesus Christ, the perfect fulfillment of God’s law. He is the righteousness of God Himself,9 who was tempted and tested in human form,10 yet depended perfectly on the Spirit in truth and power to bring about the redemption of man.11 In His perfect life, Jesus restored the broken relationship between God and man that was lost in the Garden of Eden, providing a way for all people over all of time to return to God.12 And to all who believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus, the righteousness of Christ is accredited,13 and the right to be called Children of God.14 So, what then is true freedom? It must be the balance between a perfect law and a perfect grace. The implementation and upholding of perfect justice is based on perfect boundaries of what is perfectly good and perfectly right. Yet without the blood of Christ, we all fall short of God’s glory.15 We are ever lacking in our ability to live as God has asked us to. We are sinners, wicked at heart,16 with evil desires that contradict the livelihood God longs to instill in us through His Spirit.17 So Christ came to us, in our great need, declaring that He himself would provide a way— provide grace—to take upon Himself God’s wrath, to pay for our horrendous offenses against God’s perfect law. That He Himself, the spotless lamb, was the only way to the Father.18 That by His sacrifice, His grace, we might live in the freedom God designed for us—the freedom to make good, healthy choices; to live joyfully, hopefully, abundantly;19 to thrive within the restrictions we were made to exist within, for we are by design.20 In this way, the cost of freedom is already paid in full. Christ took that burden upon Himself when He died for our sins on the cross.21 We were purchased by His blood.22 But there is a cost to taking up this freedom, too. Submission. Humility. Folding the (evil) desires of the heart and allowing God to change us from the inside out. It’s all by His power and grace anyways. Sure, there’s a sacrifice. We have to let go of the selfish desires and choose to see the beauty of the design God has for the life He wants for us. Give Him the reins? Yeah, it is terrifying. But what’s even more frightening is missing out on life as we were meant to know it. Holding on to the chains of death that enslave us and declaring a love for our bondage.23 I refuse that. It is no life. I choose Grace. I choose Law. I choose Freedom.

Take up your cross.24 Put to death the flesh.25 Choose to live under the law and experience the freedom of grace found in Jesus Christ when we mess up, because we will. This is where true life is found. Not in the indulgence of your desires, but in the

transformation of your spirit into the likeness of God’s own—to reflect His image and glory.

Much like my family and their strict adherence to their diet; I, too, have struggled with the balance between obeying the law for the sake of obedience, compared to the genuine joy of obeying out of reliance on God’s character. During Lent, my mom came to the point of truly enjoying the restrictions set before her. She was able to look at her circumstances, not as cruel or malevolent or cutting her short of the delight of cheesecake, but rather as an opportunity to experience a better, healthier, more fulfilling way of life.

Personally, I have struggled with legalism in my walk with God for a long time. It’s a daily battle to believe that I am truly set free from the burden to prove myself—to others, to myself, and to God. My righteousness is not my own,26 and I praise God for that; for if it were, I could never reach His standard. But because of Christ, because He could—and did—live the life I couldn’t…

Well, that makes His grace all the sweeter and it floods my life with the hope to trust and obey that God does know and want my absolute best.

The cost of freedom was pricy indeed: the blood of the Son of God. Christ came to earth to bear your iniquity in order that you might come to understand the joy of knowing Him.27 Is there a price in heaven or on earth that you could set on accepting His gift? It is free to any who would take it.

“Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come buy wine and milk, without money and without price.” 28 Blurb: Freedom’s never free. What price would you set on the power to set you free?

1 Psalm 139 2 Hebrews 4:12-13, 15 3 Psalm 14:1-3 4 Exodus 34:29 5 Exodus 32 6 Hebrews 10:1-4 7 Micah 6:8 8 Romans 3:23 9 Hebrews 1:3 10 Hebrews 4:15 11 John 17:21 12 Romans 5:18-19 13 John 14:6 14 John 1:12

15 Romans 3:23 16 Jeremiah 17:9 17 2 Corinthians 3:18 18 John 14:6 19 John 10:10 20 Genesis 1:26 21 Romans 4:25, 1 Peter 3:18, Mark 15:37-39 22 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 23 Galatians 5:1 24 Matthew 16:24 25 Galatians 2:19-20 26 2 Corinthians 5:21 27 John 17:3 28 Isaiah 55:1 (ESV)

Lauren Cho graduated from Cal in the Class of 2015. Slowly, she is learning to trust that God does not withhold good from His Children (Psalm 84:11). Follow her blog at www.gloryencountered.wordpress.com.

Spring 2016 | To An Unknown God 7

How would Jesus Vote?

P

Meredith Triplet, CONTRIBUTING WRITER olitical polarization has never been so high. It seems inevitable that political conversations will veer towards vitriol. How, exactly, has our country built such strong boundaries between those of differing political beliefs? How did we end up in our current state of partisanship? Why do some people believe that all liberals want to squelch freedom? Why do some people believe that all conservatives are racist bigots?

Finally, why is each of these beliefs held by some Christians?

Why isn’t our identity in Christ isn’t enough to outweigh our political differences?

I’m going to level with you - I don’t have an answer to these questions. But one thing I do know: conservatives and liberals are both sincere in wanting what’s best for our country and our world. We come to different conclusions on what needs to be done to improve our world because our differing backgrounds give us differing perspectives. Despite this, we can be united by the gospel.

In order to bridge the political gap, it’s essential that we better understand one another. Lots of ideas get thrown around when trying to explain the divide between the political parties: rich/

8 To An Unknown God | Spring 2016

poor; white/diverse; educated/uninformed; coastal/midwestern; secular/Christian. But in my own experience, the distinction between “rural” and “urban” is much more informative than any other. Where you grew up determines the amount and type of exposure you’ve had.

If you’re from a city or a college town, then you’ve likely met many people from different backgrounds who hold to different beliefs and different ideas than your own. You’ve probably had the chance to meet an immigrant, a struggling single mom, someone who was denied a great opportunity because of racial bias, someone who is Islamic. These personal experiences have impacted the way you see the world, helping you to foster compassion for those with different backgrounds from your own and the desire to provide equal opportunities for everyone. You’re more likely to be liberal. Smog in your city or research on global climate change might lead you to worry about our environment.

The ever-increasing cost of rent and stagnating wages in your area might lead you to worry if the rich are growing richer at your expense, and at the expense of the working class in general. Put in context, I find this worldview to be quite reasonable.

If you’re from a more rural background, then you’ve likely interacted with stable a circle of people you’ve gotten to know and work with over a long period of time. You’ve likely attended the same school or church for most of your life and had the chance to see others overcome their struggles through the support of the community. You’ve probably been in a group where most people

look like you and think like you. These personal experiences have impacted the way you see the world, helping you to value loyalty to your group, commitment to the sacred ideals of your religious beliefs, and commitment to hard work as the primary means of solving problems. You’re more likely to be conservative. Recent conversations about discrimination might lead you to worry that your church might be forced to hire someone who doesn’t agree with your beliefs. Job loss at an important local industry might make you worry that new energy sources or other technological advances might harm your community and our nation, or that outsiders might come in to take the rewards of your labor. Put in context, I find this system of belief to also be quite reasonable.

We all have understandable values and understandable fears.

But as Christians, we need to be reminding ourselves of the overarching themes in the Bible that point to God as a source of confidence and hope. We are assured that he is looking out for us as a mother hen looks out for her chicks.1 We are assured that our own worry cannot add a single day to our lives, but that God is sovereign over all things.2 Of course, God can use us to accomplish his will in the world - but we are to judge our efforts according to our fruit.3 Is our political dialogue producing love and peace, or hatred and enmity? Are we as Christians encouraging those who share our political opinions to trust in God to work all things together for good, or are we anxious in our desire to accomplish our own plans? Do we consider those with different opinions from our own with charity and compassion, or do we put our political identity above our spiritual identity when talking politics with those who disagree with us? If “there is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus,”4 then surely there is neither Democrat nor Republican, Socialist, or Libertarian!

It is easy to dream up nice-sounding ideas about Christian collaboration across political divides in vague terms, but in the nitty gritty details, things can get messy. What about a commitment to life, to the unborn - are Christians supposed to ignore the Biblical description of all human life as possessing the image of God? Or, what about a commitment to loving our neighbor and the stranger among us - are Christians supposed to turn a blind eye to racism and classism? How can we stand before a holy God when we are willing to tolerate such unbiblical positions in our midst? For a very simple reason – none of us are holy to begin with! We have no option but to stand broken and sinful and fallen before God. We do not stand before God dressed in our own righteousness, but rather clothed in the righteousness of Christ.

We all depend on God’s grace, liberal and conservative alike. And we are called to offer the same forgiveness and grace to others that God has given so freely to us! I know without a doubt that I have blind spots and faults in my own perspective of the world, and yet I know that God looks upon me as his beloved daughter.

Therefore, how can I not offer the same grace to my brother or sister who has different blind spots from mine? How can I do anything other than affirm them as a beloved creation of the One High King and seek to learn from the particular insights they have gained from their particular experiences of the divine?

And indeed, if I am sufficiently in awe of God’s holiness, how could I not long for my own blind spots to become illuminated?

What a gift it would be if we could help one another refine our perspectives, instead of hold shouting matches to find who can stay standing longest!

Dream with me for a moment. Imagine a pro-life person listening to a pro-choice person about the struggles of a young woman facing the severe financial implications of an unwanted pregnancy, and possibly even the ostracization from her religious community, if she does not get an abortion in secret. Imagine the pro-choice person considering in turn the value of all human beings, regardless of status or ability. Imagine the joint movement towards compassion that could lead to a more holistic solution – that could address the problems that lead to unwanted pregnancy and financial distress in the first place. Imagine an open dialogue between someone concerned about global climate change and someone concerned about job loss based on the impact of regulations on the coal industry. Imagine the possibility of new, creative solutions outside the tried-and-true political talking points, such as on-the-job-training for new energy positions or tax incentives for corporations that keep employees while transitioning to more environmentally favorable methods. Let’s follow Jesus’s example by inviting to our table the “tax collectors and sinners” of our political opponents! Let’s make this dream a reality in our day-to-day conversations!

I see a nation and a church that is split along boundaries of political affiliation and rural/urban background divides. But Christ is bigger than this boundary! If we can come together and be united as one, what a powerful picture that would be of the boundless love of Christ! I can’t help but meditate on the vision of oneness that Christ himself prayed in the high priestly prayer.

Oh, that we may all - liberals and conservatives and communists and fascists - be one, united with and through Christ, even as Jesus is one with the Father.

1 Matthew 23:37 (New International Version) 2 Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV) 3 Matthew 7:16 (NIV) 4 Galatians 3:28 (NIV) Meredith grew up in Missouri, got her BS in chemistry and math at Wheaton, IL, and is currently exploring the behavior of signalling proteins with quantitative techniques in her PhD program at UC Berkeley. Additionally, Meredith serves as a deacon at Christ Church East Bay.

Spring 2016 | To An Unknown God 9

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. - Psalm 16:6, HCSB How do I break the Line?

Break the Line Break the Line?

I could pull it till it snaps, I could push it till it cries, I could force it to collapse, I could ride it till it dies.

BROKEN

LINES JOSEPHINE KAO

Perhaps I will cut it.

With obstetric precision, I’ll cut the line— Easy but bloody, Easy but not clean.

Skipped waits, snipped ties.

I find myself septic.

Maybe I will twist it.

Braid it into strands of Self, Until Self is strange: foreign, Buried deep under iniquitous sludge — It takes one to tangle.

I could cross it.

They've always said so much About the Other side; Darker, better, backwards Broken.

I crossed, then I said to myself: I can’t get back.

But the Painter of Pleasant Places Broke in to brokenness Placing the bands of love Unravelling the cords of kindness Becoming my Lifeline Despite all my pulling and cutting Pushing and twisting, crossing and breaking I’ll learn to trust the Painter’s boundaries And when I pass through the line of time Into eternity Maybe then I’ll see:

10 To An Unknown God | Spring 2016

Boundary Lessons From Infants

I

Lisa Ann Yu, STAFF WRITER am about to graduate, and one of my greatest fears is that I won’t have any friends after college. I know it sounds irrational, but I have had a bad history with friendships. Throughout my childhood, I alternated between one best friend I would become tired of and a group of friends where everyone else seemed closer to each other than they were to me. Is there hope for me? Or will my greatest fear soon become realized?

In my desire to learn more about forming friendships, I began to research how people form attachments. According to the British psychiatrist John Bowlby, “our early attachments with our parents and other caregivers shape our relationships for the rest of our lives.”1 The key to healthy relationships must be found in examining early attachments.

One of John Bowlby’s collaborators, a developmental psychologist named Mary Ainsworth,2 invented the Strange Situation in 1969 to evaluate early attachment. The Strange Situation is an experiment where 12-18-month-olds3 are briefly separated from their mothers and then reunited. Ainsworth and her team observed two major categories of behavior. Some babies were distressed when their mothers left, and then comforted when they came back. The babies then explored the room and showed their mothers the toys they found. The other babies were either distressed when their mothers left and still inconsolable after they returned, or had no response when their mothers left and ignored them when they returned. Babies who exhibited behavior consistent with the first category were classified as securely attached, while babies who exhibited behavior consistent with the second category were classified as insecurely attached.

Studies have shown that early attachment styles predict adult attachment styles. Securely attached babies are most likely to become adults who believe they are lovable and others are generally responsive. They are comfortable with independence and intimacy4. Insecurely attached babies are most likely to become adults with relationships characterized by avoidance and/or anxiety5. Adults with anxious style relationships have a high view of others but a low view of themselves; they look to others for validation, yet anticipate rejection and constantly look for signs that others are losing interest.6 Adults with avoidant style relationships have a low view of others but a high view of themselves; their high self-esteem protects a “fragile self that is highly vulnerable to wounds.” They are fearful of emotional intimacy and typically respond to conflict or a stressful situation by becoming distant and aloof. 7 I would argue that at its core, insecure attachment is an inability to set emotional boundaries. According to author and clinical psychologist Henry Cloud, boundaries are “lines…that mark a limit, bound, or border.” One type of boundary is the psychological kind, which is the “realization of our own person apart from others.” Boundaries are meant to be permeable, for they are merely lines, not walls: just as people can enter and exit private property as invited, so should encouragement and emotional support flow in and out of a person.8 Adults with anxious style relationships are unable to see where others end and they begin; they feel entitled to have validation and support from others, and do not believe they have anything worth giving. Adults with avoidant style relationships construct walls, rather than boundaries, around their lives. They do not allow others to enter into their personal struggles and choose to carry giant burdens on their own.

I am unsure of what my attachment style was as an infant, since I never went through the Strange Situation procedure, but as an adult, descriptions of both avoidant and anxious relationships characterize most of my friendships. I have consistently struggled to believe that I am lovable. With some people, I continually expect the other person to lose interest in maintaining our friendship; with others, I become distant when we experience conflict, choosing to become withdrawn rather than experience further pain by discussing a difference in opinion.

Like nearly everyone, I want to be securely attached to others. And it is possible I was securely attached as an infant. But maybe somewhere between age eighteen months and age twenty-one, I forgot how to be securely attached. Maybe as my needs changed to include social, emotional, and cognitive aspects, I never learned how to attach myself to a caregiver who could provide for more than just my physical needs. Maybe I need to think as an infant again to learn how to meet my need for lifelong friendships.

Spring 2016 | To An Unknown God 11

Securely attached infants believe their caregivers will continue to be responsive because they have been responsive in the past. In their experience, they have only to express their needs by crying and the caregiver will immediately provide whatever they need. That security gives them the ability to explore the room, rather than spending every second looking at the caregiver, wondering if the caregiver will provide for their needs.

How do I become securely attached as an adult? It appears that I cannot attach to another human in the same way I attached to my mother as an infant, for no one has the capacity to take care of me in the same way. Specifically, no one knows my needs perfectly, no one has the resources, and no one has the responsibility.

It may be true that my mother was extremely responsive to my physical needs when I was an infant, but my needs were much simpler then: to be fed, have my diaper changed, experience physical contact, be exposed to language. As an adult, my needs are much more complicated, and the reality is that people will inevitably fail to meet my needs. They do not know exactly what I need, much less how to provide for my needs; indeed, I rarely know exactly what I need.

Furthermore, no one has the resources to take care of me like an infant. Ask any parent, and s/he will tell you babies are a 24/7 responsibility. Even the best of friends cannot be responsive to my needs 24/7 because they cannot be everywhere at the same time. In addition, even if someone were available 24/7, no one would have the willingness to respond to my needs every second of every day because that can be exhausting.

Finally, it was my mother’s responsibility to take care of me, for we were in a hierarchical relationship. It would be irresponsible to have my mother do everything for me now that she did when I was three months old. We are now both adults with our own lives to lead. My friends are peers with their own lives to lead, and asking a friend to be responsive 24/7 could lead to resentment.

So where does that leave me? Am I left to be perpetually let down by others? Do I need to simply “grow up” and accept that it is unreasonable to expect this kind of love from others?

No, while it is unreasonable to look to others for fulfillment of my needs, I choose to believe in a God who is a perfect Father, regardless of my age. First, unlike my parents and friends, he “knows what [I] need before [I] ask him.”9 He is aware of my more complicated needs, like my need to be loved and accepted and have purpose. He knows when I need someone to listen and when I need someone to tell me the painful truth.

Second, unlike my parents and friends, he has the capacity to be responsive to me 24/7. He is with me 24/7, and declares he will never leave me. 10 He is beyond time, for “with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.”11 He has the financial capacity to respond to my every need for the entire earth is His.12 Finally, I will never move beyond that hierarchical relationship with God. My parents have always known they would have to let me go for at least two reasons: they cannot be with me forever, and they are imperfect people. One day, their minds and/or bodies will become frail, and I will need to take care of them, reversing our hierarchical relationship.

And on another day, my parents will die and leave me on this earth. However, God is unchanging, and he is with me forever, as mentioned above. As I grow in my understanding, I recognize more and more that my parents are imperfect.

Although I respect them, I would not choose to obey anyone for the rest of my life unless I knew his or her character was perfect. But because God’s character is perfect, I can try to emulate him and see him as the standard of perfection.

Thus, he is a Father who never has to let his children go and I can always remain a child in his presence. Like a child, I can securely attach myself to God, knowing he will never let me down.

What happens when I am securely attached to God? I have the freedom to explore, like the securely attached infants who used their mothers as a base from which they explored the room. I have the freedom to run experiments on the world and create beautiful artwork using the world’s resources, which I can run to show my Father, knowing he delights in seeing my handicraft.

When I am securely attached in the love the Father has for me, I can engage with other people and build friendships with them, for I know there is one person I can always count on. Rather than needing to be built up by others and running after their affirmation and approval to feel like I have purpose and belonging, I can rest in the fact that God loves me unconditionally. This gives me the freedom to love others out of abundance, rather than need.

When I am securely attached to God, I can love my friends enough to go to them for community but not to fill the places only God can fill. I can stop trying to be God in other people’s lives by having their well-being depend on me and point them to the only one who can fill those hollow places.

12 To An Unknown God | Spring 2016

When I am securely attached to God, I can discern the boundary between needs only God can fulfill and needs God uses other humans to fulfill. I sit on a boundary between God and man, and only when I am securely attached can I distinguish between what is supposed to come from God’s side of the line, and what is supposed to come from man’s side of the line. All the “good” comes from God, but God sometimes uses other humans to send me “good” on His behalf.

I do not mean to say friendships are unimportant or unnecessary. Rather, the relationship God desires to have with man is emulated in the very best of human friendships. What kind of friendship am I imagining? The kind of friendship based on unconditional love. The kind of friendship where I can have other friends and other interests. The kind of friendship where I already know the other person cares about me, so I don’t need to be with him/her every second of every day. The kind of friendship where I bring up where I have been hurt by the other person instead of distancing myself. The kind of friendship I want to replicate in all my other friendships. The kind of friendship where encouragement rapidly flows in and out.

Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend call the “Serenity Prayer” the greatest boundary prayer ever prayed.13 God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Here is my version for you: You cannot change your early attachment style. You also cannot change the fact that your Father loves you infinitely. What you can change is your perception of your Father. Rest in his unconditional love for you, and all else will follow.

1 Gilovich et al., Social Psychology (New York: W. W. Norton & Company, Inc., 2013), 363-364.

2 http://psychology.about.com/od/profilesal/p/ainsworth.htm 3 http://www.simplypsychology.org/mary-ainsworth.html 4 Bartholomew, Kim and Leonard M. Horowitz. “Attachment Styles among Young Adults: A Test of a Four-Category Model.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 61, no. 2 (1991): 226-244.

5 Technically, there are three types of insecure attachment in adults: fearful, avoidant/dismissing, and preoccupied, but for the sake of simplification, I call avoidant/dismissing avoidant, preoccupied anxious, and do not mention fearful, since the point is merely to describe insecure attachment.

6 http://www.psychalive.org/understanding-ambivalent-anxious-attachment/ 7 http://www.psychalive.org/anxious-avoidant-attachment/ 8 Henry Cloud. Changes that Heal (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1992).

9 Matthew 6:8 (ESV) 10 Hebrews 13:511 2 Peter 3:8 (ESV) 12 Psalm 24:113 Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Boundaries (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1992).

Lisa Ann is a graduating psychology and statistics major who will be attending "that one school across the bay" next year to study statistics.

Spring 2016 | To An Unknown God 13

ON THE DIGNITY OF SEX

I

A.S. Bethel, CONTRIBUTING AUTHOR n the 19 years that I have been alive, the topic of sexual intercourse has never been discussed in my family. We all know what it is—it’s just awkward to bring up. Yet, the media these days is lowering standards of what is “PG-13”; books detail the process of intercourse, and music hints at experiences. “Sex” has become a topic with a voice much too loud to simply ignore.

I have often received the question, “Why is it ‘taboo’ to talk about sex in church?” from non-Christian friends. They either call me a prude or tease me for “conservative Christian values.”

I write this article now for two reasons. First, I have been on the polar opposite side of “conservative Christian values.” And second, I think the topic of sexual intercourse is misunderstood, by both Christians and non-Christians alike. Thus, the purpose of this article is to clear up some misconceptions about the Christian perspective on sex—from someone who has been on both sides.

SEX IS NOT A SIN To start, sex itself isn’t bad. In fact, it’s a good thing. It’s actually a gift from God. There is no shame in the concept. Song of Solomon, for example, is an entire book of the Bible dedicated to the passionate love between King Solomon and his bride. The imagery provided is unmistakable: “With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. … His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me!”1 These lines are unabashed in their expression of passion and pleasure. This entire book clearly demonstrates that sex is a pure and holy expression of love—by no means a sin.

Even in the very beginning, God said, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”2 Indeed, we were made as sexual beings, and there is no shame or sin in that! C.S. Lewis furthers this point, declaring that “if anyone says that sex, in itself, is bad, Christianity contradicts him at once.”3 Christianity thinks highly of the human body and of sex.

Now, in regards to the question of being a “Christian prude” when it comes to the topic, people often confuse prudery with respect.

But let’s get one thing straight: Prudery isn’t biblical. Respect is.

The former, by definition, is “the behavior or thinking of people who are too easily shocked or offended.”4 The latter, on the other hand, is a “high or special regard,” or “the quality or state of being esteemed.” Having respect for something is “understanding that … something is important, serious … and should be treated in an appropriate way.”5 Thus the view is that, for example, the casual sex that defines hookup culture is not something of which to boast. It is taking lightly and treating inappropriately what is sacred and intimate.

Christianity respects sex as the culmination of a holy covenant between two people in the context of marriage, where they become unified as one. Christians uphold sex with dignity and respect, because they believe that it is more than just a physical act. Ultimately, sex deserves respect and should not be taken lightly as simply a pleasurable pastime or bucket-list experience. This idea is not prudish—it is respectful.

Now, what makes sex a contentious topic is when it is placed outside of the context of boundaries and marriage—sounds conservative and antiquated, I know. But just wait.

WHY DO WE NEED BOUNDARIES? In order to address the need for boundaries, it is important to first look at what happens when boundaries are not in place. We have 14 To An Unknown God | Spring 2016

all seen or heard it before. From cheating and adultery to rape and molestation, sexual wrongdoing is the root of much hurt and suffering in the world. In some cases, friendships are lost and trauma is caused as boundaries are crossed. Closer to home, we see the damage done by sexual wrongdoing as we look to the recent scandals on the UC Berkeley campus. Sexual misbehavior has a way of ruining lives and relationships in a way that other misconducts do not. Indeed, when that which is more precious and intimate becomes twisted, it can then become the worst.

Further, we need boundaries because all good things need boundaries. C.S. Lewis says that “for any happiness, … quite a lot of restraint is going to be necessary.” In fact, everyone “must have some set of principles by which he chooses to reject some of his desires and to permit others”—whether this is based on Christian, hygienic, or sociological principles.6 Restraint, guardrails, and boundaries are necessary things in life, even just to maintain health, safety, and civility. The repercussions of lack of boundaries clearly demonstrate this.

Therefore, what exactly is the boundary for sex? It is this: Do not engage in sexual activity outside of marriage. Period.

If we were all just bags of flesh walking around on earth, our only purpose to live long enough to reproduce and then die, then perhaps casual sex outside of marriage would be understandable and even justified. However, we are not just physical beings; we are so much more.

Marriage is the intended context for sex because marriage was always supposed to be lifelong, binding, exclusive, precious, and constant— regardless of changing feelings and circumstances.

While this article is not arguing the sanctity of marriage or the biblical defense of the institution, Christian thought on sex cannot be without discussion of marriage. Thus, I will continue to briefly discuss it.

ADULTERY AND MARRIAGE Sex outside of marriage is adultery. And from American Beauty to The Scarlet Letter, adultery is a topic that has both intrigued and terrified a wide range of audiences. Hebrews 13:4 specifically defines it, saying, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” God created sex to be in the context of marriage, between a married couple. When taken outside of this context, sex is adultery.

C.S. Lewis concisely sums up the Christian view of extramarital sex: “The monstrosity of sexual intercourse outside marriage is that those who indulge in it are trying to isolate one kind of union (the sexual) from all the other kinds of union which were intended to go along with it and make up the total union.” He draws a parallel between the pleasure of sex and that of eating, saying that we “must not isolate that pleasure and try to get it by itself, any more than [we] ought to try to get the pleasures of taste without swallowing and digesting, by chewing things and spitting them out again.”7 Sex is meant to create a union of the body, but without the holy union of marriage, it is ripped out of its intended purpose.

More blatantly, the crucial reason why marriage is essential to sexual activity can be found in Genesis 2. As stated, man and woman become “one flesh”: there is unity. Thus, as in hookup culture, when there is only bonding in the flesh but no bonding in marriage, people are then subscribing themselves to bonding and tearing apart again and again. To further illustrate this, Psychology Today actually details how today’s hookup culture “has been linked to psychological problems, such as drinking, anxiety and depression.”8 While sex is natural, the obsession and proliferation of it outside of marriage are not. Nowadays, hookup culture may be the norm. Yet it was never meant to be that way.

God sets boundaries for us because He loves us. He tells us that our bodies are holy temples, and He himself dwells within us. As 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 states, “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” While sex is a good thing and the concept itself does not defile the body, in the wrong context, sex profanes and destroys this temple. There is nothing holy or beautiful about detachedly sleeping around.

Christianity values marriage because the idea is that marriage is for life. Once a man and woman are married, they are then regarded as “a single organism,” like how a violin body and a bow are regarded as one instrument.9 Divorce, therefore, is akin to “cutting up a living body.”10 To have sex outside of marriage in the current hookup culture, then, would be in essence getting divorce after divorce—perhaps even worse, since there was no intention of covenantal promise in the first place.

GREATER THAN CARNAL Lastly, while we were created as sexual beings, we were not created as solely sexual beings. In Galatians 5:13, Apostle Paul writes, “For you were called to freedom. … Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” While we do have these natural passions, we should not let them consume us. Ultimately, we are more than fleshly creatures desiring to procreate.

God created bodies with sex organs, but He also created minds and hearts to pursue love and righteousness.

Romans 12:2 pleads, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” The plea is that we do not buy into the lie that sex in any Spring 2016 | To An Unknown God 15

context outside of marriage is acceptable, that we do not settle for the standards of this world that promote extramarital sex as “modern,” of good humor, or casual.

As Apostle Paul writes, “ ‘All things are lawful for me,’ but I will not be dominated by anything.”11 Though there is no condemnation in the concept of sex, something is very wrong with our obsession of it. The focus of our lives should be something much greater, something much more meaningful and fulfilling. That is, as Christians, we are called to refrain from engaging in sexual activity until marriage, so that we may not be consumed by our desire for fleshly passion. The hope is that instead, we may first focus on furthering God’s kingdom, loving and serving others, and being sharpened to become vessels for every good work.12 MY STORY I myself have felt resentment and bitterness towards notions of “purity” and “chastity,” and rejected them as highly antiquated concepts that only objectified people. Yet eventually, I started to wonder in which case objectification was happening more: in a worldview that called for the refrainment of sexual activity, or in a lifestyle that promoted the pursuit of sexual gratification.

I have now learned that the boundaries that God has placed in my life are good. There was a period in my life when I wanted to push against them, thinking that I was shackled. Truly, I have discovered that God really is not trying to deprive us by pleading that we refrain from pursuing sexual desires. God is not an evil, patriarchal judge who only wants to guilt-trip us into upholding Victorian ideals. God is a loving Father who cares deeply about our well-being—not just physical, but also our mental, spiritual, and emotional well-being. He cares for all of his children, and it causes Him deep grief when He sees us sharing our bodies in any context short of a lifelong promise.

All this being said, I know that a lot of us, Christians and non-Christians alike, may already have struggled with sexual desire and perhaps even experienced the consequences of it. I in no way want you to feel guilt or shame weighing down on you—whether it’s because you’ve consensually engaged in something, or because someone else did something to you. I do hope, however, that if you are struggling against something that you feel is wrong, you may voice and address it. And most importantly, after that, I pray that you can come to fully know and understand God’s grace. I pray that you can find security in claiming God’s steadfast love that knows no bounds and is not intimidated by anything that has ever happened.

After all, “The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.”13 There is so much more to this topic (and so much more that I wish to say) than can be written in one article. Nevertheless, I hope that my words can lead to fruitful discussions and deeper understanding between both Christians and non-Christians. Above all, I pray that we may all seek truth and maturity in wisdom.

1 Song of Solomon 2:3,6 (ESV).

2 Genesis 2:24 (ESV).

3 C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (C.S. Lewis Pte. Ltd., 1952) 86.

4 “Prudery,” Merriam-Webster, accessed April 4, 2016, http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/prudery.

5 “Respect,” Merriam-Webster, accessed April 6, 2016, http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/respect.

6 Lewis 87.

7 ESV. 8 Lewis 91.

9 Gregg Henriques, “The College Student Mental Health Crisis,” Psychology Today, February 15, 2015, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/theory-knowledge/201402/the-college-student-mental-health-crisis.

10 ESV. 11 Lewis 90.

12 Lewis 91.

13 ESV. 14 ESV. 15 1 Corinthians 6:12 (ESV).

16 2 Timothy 2:21 (ESV).

17 Psalm 103:8-12 (ESV).

A.S. Bethel took her name from Genesis 28:19, and has just come back from a long journey away from God. Bethel was hesitant about writing this article, but in the end decided it was something she needed to do—if not for anyone else’s sake but her own. She is currently studying human rights and is a sensitive soul, categorized as an ENFJ for Myers-Briggs. She enjoys ice cream much more than coffee, and talks way too fast in real life. She loves questions and discussions, and would be very happy to engage in dialogue with readers via email at: asbethel2819@gmail.com. Finally, she wants to thank readers for their open minds and hearts, and is overjoyed that they picked up this journal and read through the articles.

16 To An Unknown God | Spring 2016

InvitatioN Meal Andrew Chang, CONTRIBUTING WRITER

H

e gripped the jug forcibly between his twig-like fingers, as if daring the trembling, earthen neck to crack and send the cherry red wine sloshing out. But it held, and only the sharp reverberations of his slurping interrupted the inn’s low hum.

Unsure of what to do, I hastily made an effort to bite out of the bread placed before us. In my own discomfort, I took account of the bread’s rubbery feel and how the fire-baked crust slid with the slightest squeak between my teeth. My fingers slowly found the corner of the table and tapped nervously, a soft staccato to join the quiet murmur.

Along the farthest wall, a fireplace’s flickering flames threatened to escape the confines of the hearth, each red and orange arm lapping and roaring along the glowing clay bricks. But aside from the fire, the large room stood primarily vacant and dull, and the tender’s hollowed face reflected this depressed and sunken atmosphere. But who could blame him? The famine had ravished this city and the surrounding districts, transforming bustling stores and inns alike into empty grounds whose only customers were broken spirits seeking to drink away reality’s burdens for just a moment or two.

The time’s toils, however, seemed more heavily etched on this man’s face than any I had encountered yet. I had found him, wretched, slouched against a shed for pigs and hens. Although he evidently worked for the field’s owner, his broken demeanor bespoke of a man who had lost something greater than a job. His brows, perhaps tempered by many unforgiving nights outdoors, were furrowed under a mop of hair. But it was his eyes, hollowed and sunken, that signaled that he had not caught even a glimpse of hope for some time. He could not have been more than a few years older than me.

“Why are you here?”

Startled out of my thoughts, I yanked myself back to attention and I stammered, “I am a–My father sent me to the city to study at the academy. He wishes that I gain an education, to become literate.”

“But why are you here?”

Spring 2016 | To An Unknown God 17

“I’m sorry, I don’t–” “Why are you helping me?”

I looked up. His eyes burned accusingly and suspiciously, but they also hinted at a tender fragility.

“Ah….well it is a difficult time with the famine…And you are a foreigner...no? You have the face of the Hebrew people. Because of my father, I have wealth to spare, but I hope that I have not offended you...that was not my wish.”

This answer was received with a slight grunt, and the man leaned back in his seat, as if to say, “Go on.” Slightly emboldened, I probed, “What is your name, my friend? And, if I may, why are you here? As I said before, you do not look like a native of this town.”

It is interesting to note what society’s least seek for. Food and shelter are evidently desirable. But equally important is one’s desire to have a voice. To express thought and opinion. Simply put, they wish to be known. For immediately at my prompting, the man’s eyes seized one more lingering and haunting gaze into mine, like a heavy deep breath before the plunge.

His name was Peter, youngest of two sons of the great field owner, Matthias of Gath. Lush prairies, flocks of hundreds of sheep, and servants for every household business, from the harvest to crop transportation, made up his home and life.

Square in the center of the affluent property, stood a massive two-story house. An impressive display of carpentry was splayed throughout this unmatched structure. Cherry, oak, and mahogany.

Smooth tables, arching domed hallways, and swinging doors.

“I would wake up at dawn’s onset and, after putting Father’s insignia ring on, ride out with him and my brother to survey the acreage and hand out the day’s tasks. We were hailed by our servants, even revered. And each day brought newer and grander profits. It was a fine establishment, my father’s land and business.”

I could not help but admire and wonder at this picture. It was as removed from this torn city as anything could be. What was Peter doing here, in this state? But monotonous routine, however bountiful, disillusions the youth. So it was not long until Peter, gripped by his own passions and his own ambitions, issued his command to his father.

“It was comfortable. But I had no desire to be Father’s servant for years and years. I was, I am, in my prime. Tending the land and soil may suit Father fine, but I wanted the city. With the wealth Father had accumulated, I could rent. I could build. I could invest!

He was surely upset and hurt when I demanded my inheritance, but did he not recognize my potential? That I would always be beneath my brother? That he hindered my growth? I had to leave

18 To An Unknown God | Spring 2016

– there was nothing left for me in that ancient culture.”

I glanced quickly at Peter’s hands. No ring.

“And so you came here.”

“Yes, I came here.”

I gripped and re-gripped my fingers together, furiously battling the intense urge to point out the blatant discrepancy between this Peter’s reality and that Peter’s dreams. It’s strange how often curiosity is tied to getting yourself into trouble. I scuffed my feet on the ground, took a drink.

“It was better before the famine, you know.”

My hands relaxed.

“It was exactly as I planned. I found an inn. I had the excitement I never had. There were the taverns, full of drink and the company of women. There were projects to be invested in. There were fish markets, the caravans, and even construction projects along the northern districts. I never got the chance of course, because of the famine.”

“Ah, I see. But if you hadn’t put your money in yet, how did the famine–” Pfft! I had struck a chord. The jug rapped hard against the table. This time actually spilling its contents down its sides. “Do you see everyone else? Look at these people, everyone suffers!

There were living expenses! The inn’s rent was unrelenting. I needed food, my comforts. What was I to do? No one wanted to expand business, no one offered anything but trash jobs, no one offered any help! Shrinking, sniveling. Licking their own wounds, and skiving off back to their families. Well I have no family here!

So I am forced to serve at the dregs of some fool of a landlord.

He knows nothing. Father would overshadow his business in a fortnight. But here I am, feeding swine, untouchables back home, even eating their decadent litter at each day’s end. Curse this famine, this city’s gods, and its people! Damn them!”

My hand found itself a part way across the table before it froze itself, and then drifted down to rest on the wooden surface.

“You...you have been through a lot.”

Peter gave an audible snort at this remark.

Hastily making a recovery, I blurted, “Yes, sorry, obviously you have. But I think that...well, first of all, thank you for sharing, and I feel for your loss and difficulty. I truly do. But going forward, the pressing question is what you are to do with the problem at hand. Famines such as this one are unpredictable. Who can tell when it will end? And you cannot subsist on...decadent litter for many more days…why not, if I may, travel back to your father’s land?

“That would not–“

“Why not? He is your father is he not?” I asked with what was hopefully a winsome smile towards Peter’s deadpan face.

Unfortunately, Peter’s face only reflected a slightly grotesque grimace.

I pushed forward. “He chose not to disown you but freely gave you your inheritance even after you rejected almost every valued custom of his people. Does that not mean that he continues to bid you well, that he wishes your life to be joyful? He gave you the freedom to choose your own path, but it seems that your father has clearly demonstrated his own ability for thriving and flourishing in this world, for becoming respected and loved by his countrymen. He has lived a decent life.”

I leaned forward, hands planted flat on the table as my eyes stared beseechingly into his. My voice an intense whisper.

“You could go to him, renounce your faults! He would accept you. He would teach you. He would love you.”

“How?” It was my turn to laugh. “How? Tonight, you collect the sum of your possessions. And by tomorrow’s first light, you–” “I know that! I mean how can I do that? You were right. I broke all the customs, I chose a different future, and I rejected my father. Perhaps my father was different; he spared me a worse punishment, and instead he granted me my wish. But who are you to say that my father would take me back? If I were him, I would not be so accepting. No. The relationship I had with my father cannot be rectified. In any regard, it does not need to be rectified. I will not come crawling back to him, groveling at his feet. It would place me at a lower position than the one I had left.

Instead, I must prove myself capable. This is my life, and I have my own merits. I need neither his grace nor his pity.”

Once again, Peter’s defiant eyes stared challengingly back at mine, ready to repel any criticism. But it was hard to say if quelling his own overwhelming resignation to his fate was an even more difficult task.

“Peter,” I pleaded softly, “I have only just met you so I do not pretend to know every facet of your life, of your father’s life. But I believe from what you have said that your father wishes for your return. I think I might have understated the extent of love he already exhibited by allowing you to choose your way. Would it not have been so simple for him to disown you? But I believe he vies for you to eventually choose him. And to address the issue further, you are his son. It is only natural that you serve underneath his tutelage. But to serve him well, to know his craft and to know and follow because of who he is as a father and a man, there is still honor and respect in that! What better joy

is there than to be labeled endearingly as the son of the great Matthias?”

But as I spoke, he shook his head. He kept shaking his head.

“No, no, no. I cannot believe that. This theory that you hold onto, it is a myth. A miracle story,” he choked out with a bark of laughter.

“What you say is nice. But this is reality. I cannot cross the line into your belief. He will not take me back. Nor is my redemption hidden in him. It is found in my ability to live my own life and succeed, to be hit hard and to be able to get back up. I will manage.

I will live through this. I will make it,” he said, clenching his fists.

At these words, Peter stood up. The chair made slight rivets in the dirt as he stood.

“A miracle,” he muttered one more time and started striding away.

My eyes followed his back to the door, silently calling him back. As if he heard, abruptly Peter turned, “What is your name?”

“Andrew,” I gasped out quickly.

“Andrew…thank you.”

With this last whisper, Peter left. Out into the city, out to combat hunger and tragedy. A man after his own glory. Who is to say whatever happened to him? I can only wish for the best, that in the end, he found a far better rest and peace than he has ever known. May his God bless him and keep him.

But when he came to himself, he said, "How many of my father's hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.”’ And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son." But the father said to his servants, "Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found." And they began to celebrate.

Luke 15:17-24, ESV Andrew is a slightly forgetful, yet cheerful individual who finds himself constantly on the receiving end of grace and mercy. But despite life's ironic twists, turns, and mishaps, he hopes that when he is old and frail to be able to say "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

Spring 2016 | To An Unknown God 19

Story Behind Invitation Meal The concept behind this story is what boundaries we, as humans, set up between us and God. What self-created boundaries prevent us from entering the relationship that He is urging us to accept?

The most readily identifiable one is pride. A second is disbelief in the Gospel, to dispel this magical solution as something that can’t possibly be true.

How can we just wrap up our guilt and sins as if we have been made righteous by Jesus’ act on the cross? Thus, this story is a spin-off of the prodigal son parable. Rather than returning to his father, the son chooses not to for these reasons.

Additionally, the specifics of this story are loosely based off of an actual conversation I had with a homeless man in Yali’s Cafe. And it is off of this conversation that I have tied the two stories-one real, one imagined-together.

20 To An Unknown God | Spring 2016

Dismembered Amanda Gee

to re-fill the Void from the Wake after the Fall, during the Break, the Senses dismembered to re-form Body in the rust to re-mold Mind out of the dust.

Eye heard serpents whisper of fruit.

Ear sought teachers to fit its own suit.

Hand ran away toward prodigal estates.

Foot reached for friends’ bathing wives to violate.

“Then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature”

- Genesis 2:7, ESV

when Word spoke Body into Thought and Mind into Motion, Bones breathed. but these Senses rot in isolation. these dead dis-members, might they be re-pieced together, might they be re-membered from dust out of dust again. for Flesh replaces Stone as Heart surrenders all.

O Soul, cry out! the dawn breaks, your redeemer’s Blood rises once it falls. when Foot can run no more, and Hand grasps a thousand sands, may Ear still turn to hear the call: “Eye, behold the Carpenter’s nailed hands!”

Spring 2016 | To An Unknown God 21

The Reaped Souls

Dear Sweet Reader, No matter your age, no matter the time, No matter your faith, no matter the crime, No matter your pain, no matter life’s limes, I hope you’ll read aloud this poem’s rhymes.

Yours truly, J. J. Vasantachat

Jacquelyn Vasantachat

What is a father? A figure that’s meant to kindle a hellish fiery torment?

To shatter bosoms of mother, child?

To fan consuming flames, Despair wild?

Is it to heartlessly wreck, rip, remove, foundations which would otherwise behoove?

Ah! Traitor, betrayer, oh selfish scum Who forsook blood for more pleasure and some!

Who crushed bright fragments Hope and Love and pressed lips eager t’other woman’s glove, Acting noble prince pursuit of princess when game he’d been playing; a game of chess!

Wanting to have and keep two queens at once, One meant, another not, father, you dunce!

The nature of man, to want what’s not his, Yet, so father’s nature is what it is.

What is a father? A curse? Haunting bane?

Inconsiderate fool who wax’s and wanes?

Whose presence, though there, is absent in thought, Being is near, yet mind wandering, caught?

Oh father, what father, would do such a thing so as to make merry that which does sting?

Ah! Inflictor of wounds, so deep and long!

A practiced poet of merciless song, with alluring words, chiming false and sweet by which you pitch, mother’s tears fall; repeat.

Yes father, you father, don’t dare deny the shameful acts you’ve committed, but try!

Trudge the miry murk and murky mire You’ve so thoughtless posited us—Sire!

See the woman you’ve left, sorrow you’ve brought, Hear lost infant’s woe, your child, cared naught!

22 To An Unknown God | Spring 2016

Still—you’ll play a rogue? Cast disdainful sneers?

Leave woman and child to flow’ring fears?

How can this be? No remorse? Is this real?

Not shame, not guilt, nor consoling appeal Bursts forth from your hollow chest, your frost lips.

Oh how that famished visage drools and drips, Eyes future hopes ours, ambrosia fine, As the family crumbles—the sipping swine!

Indeed, he sips, he drinks, he feasts and cheers, For wreckage he cries, towards pleasure he veers.

Desolate ruins are left in his wake!

Bonds forgotten, his eyes ravenous make A risen dream! Feared nightmare come for sport?

Perchance a vision of sober sad sort?

Nay—he won’t rue, yet, he’ll dare rage! Wont smite throbbing embers surged, sparks fain to ignite.

Yes, misfortunes are theirs, they the spurned spawn!

What inheritance felt, when dark breaks dawn!

‘Round minds walls erupt, glacial glass hollow, Those frosty forts which shrivel, wilt, swallow the budding hearts, floating down rivers red, Make a streaming meadow, the fragrant dead.

A harvest of souls youthful and souls ripe Beckon the reapers that reaping come—Swipe!

But this, is this, a father’s true nature?

Could it be all? Or is it none? Neither?

Melancholy, loneliness, anguish, grief All at his hands? No—No! In disbelief I’ll not, no not, settle. I’ll stand steady to search for what’s true, steps right, feet ready.

Dear Soul! Reaped Spirit! Your essence is mine!

Dwelt darkness of shadows thoroughly thine!

You roam, you wander, five senses no more, Though pain and sorrow ’rupt, feelings galore!

Here now, heart self! I’ll draw you nigh to me.

Put end stormy muses past! Look now—See!

But a father, the Father our Savior, Came to the rescue and came to labor among our reaped souls in houses shamed, Yes, with woe He came for those spirits maimed, For the welfare of young ones and mothers, For both the bad and good earthly fathers.

There, over there, is a father who cares!

There, over there, is a father who wears Love in his eyes, in his heart, in a word, In a whisper, yes—there’s comfort assured!

He’s unlike the father we’ve had and known.

There’s something diff ’rent. Come! It’s clearly shown!

Oh Father of fathers! You’ve done much more Than human efforts that have gone before, To fill spirits void, heal spirits slashed deep, Only in You can one find soulful sleep.

Yes, what height, what depth, what glory revealed!

When Father offers us salvation sealed.

See how warmth suffuses his kindly face!

See how tenderness touches his embrace!

Hear how humility in his steps sound!

Hear the treasures of love jingle year round!

Songs sweet, songs pure, music glorious rise, Pleasing to children of all ranging size.

If only we too could have a small share, Then, oh then, how wonderful would we fare!

To have a father who’d render and raise the spitting images of romanced days, A father who’d caress mother alone, All the days long, ’til they’re soil and stone!

But humans! They fail, they stumble and fall, Even fathers, yeah, who do seem sky tall, Are not, no not, flawless shepherds ideal, No matter what qualities so genteel, No matter how good they may seem to be, For perfection eludes all—even he.

But it's perfect love I want and I’ll seek, For there’s someone I know with nature meek, Nature mild, who loves all that I am, Loves this sheared heart and wants this soiled lamb.

He is better than the father I’ve known, And better yet than the good father shown.

He’s someone who’s won this heart of mine, And I truly hope you’ll let Him win thine.

For all are like sheep that have gone astray, Down they have gone, their own Dismembered way.

They fracture this earth, shared world of mankind, And make a house of the broken and blind.

Spring 2016 | To An Unknown God 23

The Prayer for My Future Husband Many people are astounded when they find out that I, a current junior in college, have been consistently praying for my future husband for almost three years. After all, isn’t college the time of casual dating and fun exploration? Marriage seems like such a far way off; isn’t it a little too early to start thinking so seriously about my future husband? I began this prayer at the end of August 2013 and am still continuing to this very day in April 2016. Throughout the days, week, months, and years, I noticed that my prayers did not fade away or become burnt out. Rather, they have become even more fervent and earnest as I started tacking on a few things here and there. Many people are curious about what I pray for – what I could possibly pray for. Many people my age tell me that they haven’t started praying for their future spouse yet because they want to concentrate on working on themselves more. I agree with this. I do believe that I should strive to become a Godly, virtuous woman. However, I personally think it can’t hurt to also pray for my future husband. So without further ado, here is, quite honestly, the authentic prayer that I pray to the Lord for my future husband.

Jenny Mun, STAFF WRITER Dear God, Please hear my prayers for my future husband. Lord, I have absolutely no doubt that you will provide the man I am praying for – the man I want, and the man I need.

Lord, I pray that my husband is first and foremost a Christian – a man who has truly met you and been regenerated from the inside out…a person who has become a new creature in you (Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. – 2 Corinthians 5:17, ESV). A person who has truly encountered you and started to become a regenerated, new creature in you, who has abandoned his old worldly ways and instead developed Godly desires and longings. Lord, I pray that my husband is a Godly man who seeks to be more and more Christ-like each day, who is a man of Scripture, prayer, and holy fellowship with other believers. Lord, I pray that he is a man who fears and reveres you. I pray that above all and anyone else, he loves you first and foremost. I pray that he is a man who loves your Word and someone who can lead me spiritually.

I pray that he is a man who makes me draw nearer to you, not further from you. I pray that he will seek to guard my purity, not taint it. You, above all else, know me, Lord. You know my struggles and you know my past. I pray that during the dating or courtship period, you will pour down your grace and blessings on us as we struggle and fight to put you first and remain pure (“God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13).

Lord, I pray that we can adhere to the Biblical model of what a husband and wife are, what a family is (“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands” – Ephesians 5:22-24). I pray that he will be the head of the household and I will submit to him.

I pray that he is a Godly man who is worthy of my respect and honor, and that he in turn loves me.

Speaking of love, I pray that he genuinely loves me. I pray that he loves me like Christ loves the church (“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…husbands should love their wives as their 24 To An Unknown God | Spring 2016

own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself ” – Ephesians 5: 25, 28). I pray that he loves me with a true, deep, far, and wide love, and I pray that I also love and moreover, respect and submit to him (“…let the wife see that she respects her husband” – Ephesians 5:33).

Lord, although it would be nice if he thinks that I am physically beautiful in his eyes, I pray that first and foremost, he falls in love with my inner beauty (“…imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” – 1 Peter 3:4).

I pray that his love for me is rooted in my inner being, because that is what makes love constant, true, genuine, deep, and eternal.

I pray that we will be a couple that is pleasing to your eyes, glorifies your name, and expands your kingdom. I ask that our marriage will be Biblical and glorifying to you. I pray that we will go to church together, go on missions together, pray together, read the Bible together, share the Gospel together, and overall just fall in love with you more and more, which in turn makes us fall more and more in love with each other. Let us draw nearer to each other by drawing nearer to you.

Lord, I fully entrust the timing in your hands. I know that you, a perfect God whose ways are above our ways and whose thoughts are above our thoughts, have already been working and are currently orchestrating a perfect plan for the ultimate time we meet, date, and marry. I really lift up the timing to you, Lord, because you know what is best. I will be patiently waiting.

I pray that my time of singleness will be used fruitfully. I pray that I may really grow in love, patience, kindness, and goodness towards others. I pray that I may grow as a woman of God and become more spiritually mature. I pray that I may be able to use this time of singleness productively in such a way that really glorifies you and expands your kingdom, whether it is through actively sharing the Gospel, or living my life in such a way that reflects your goodness and glory. Lord, use me, prune me, shape me, and mold me during this time of singleness.

God, sometimes I am tempted and swayed by other guys, but then I always keep in mind the man you have in store for me. Lord, sometimes it’s really hard to wait. But personally, I don’t see much purpose in dating a guy that I know for certain won’t become my husband, the man you are preparing for me and you are preparing me for. So Father, please help me guard my heart (“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs 4:23). Even though at times it can be hard, I know the wait will be so worth it. Please give me grace during the times I am tempted or swayed.

Lord, I trust you. You know that I trust you so much and I have absolutely no doubt whatsoever that you will indeed provide me this man that I am praying for – this man that I already love so much and feel so committed to. I believe this is what true faith is: (“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” – Mark 11:24; “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” – Hebrews 11:1). Lord, I trust you and I thank you and praise you ahead of time. Lord, thank you.

If I can add a little bonus, I pray that he will be tall and also funny. Yes Lord, I am human and I inevitably have other desirable qualities that I’d like my future husband to have, such as being tall (at least 6 feet), humorous, masculine, and attractive in my eyes. However, Lord, you know that my only true requirement is that my husband is a man of God. Even if my husband does not meet any of my more “worldly” requirements, I will still evermore praise your name. As a Father, you know what is best for me – I ask that you, the Creator of the universe, will give what you know is best for me.

Lord, during my time of singleness I ask that you will mold me and shape me to become a virtuous woman of God. Lord, break me, shape me, and mold me. Help prepare me to become a good wife to my future husband, a good mother to my future children, and of course, a good daughter to you, my Father.

Lord, may we really have a household that is modeled after the exemplary descriptions found in the Scripture. I pray that we can together raise Godly children with discipline and much love, who will grow up to be the salt and light of the world. I ask all of this in your name and ultimately for your glory.

Lord, I trust you, praise you, and thank you for everything ahead of time. I will faithfully and prayerfully wait. Until then, I pray that you will watch over him, protect him, and prune him. I pray that he will abide in you and become a more mature believer and man of God who will be prepared to lead a wife and a future family. Please watch over him and be with him.

Thank you, Lord, and I love you.

In Jesus’s name, I pray, Amen.

Jenny Mun is a third year English major at UC Berkeley who loves coffee, jazzy hip hop, and gloomy weather.

Spring 2016 | To An Unknown God 25

THE STRONGEST ARGUMENT AGAINST CHRISTIANITY

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James Frederick, CONTRIBUTING WRITER here are a lot of arguments people like to make against Christianity. First, let me define what I mean by “Christianity.” When I say Christianity I mean the system of beliefs based on Jesus of Nazareth. To briefly summarize, Christians generally believe that God created the world good, but it was broken by the disobedience of humanity. This disobedience is called sin, and the penalty for sin is death, which separates humanity from God. The gospel is that God sent Jesus Christ to pay the penalty for our sins by his death on the cross in order for believers to have eternal life with their Creator, evidenced by Jesus’ resurrection from the dead. I’m going to argue that this worldview is actually very consistent with a lot of secular evidence, despite common arguments people like to make against it. However, I think that the strongest argument against Christianity can be made by comparing modern Christians with the Bible.

If I look at all the scientific evidence, I see nothing that directly contradicts the proclamations of Christianity. Science has never made any discoveries that disagree with the idea that some intelligent being designed life and the universe. Rather, science has made many discoveries that can be interpreted in different ways. You can look at the world of science and see it as evidence of intelligent design, or you can look at the world of science and see it as the product of time and chance. I would argue that both views are pretty consistent internally, but I don’t think modern 26 To An Unknown God | Spring 2016

science can determine which worldview is more accurate.

If I look at philosophical arguments against Christianity, the most prominent is that God cannot be both good and powerful since so much evil and suffering exists in the world. However, I would argue that the current reality of evil is actually very consistent with the Christian worldview. If God created the world good and made humanity in his image, but people decided to disobey God, then a broken world would result. Then we would expect to see an imperfect world filled with people doing bad things to each other, people dying, and people realizing that this is not how the world is supposed to be. And this precisely describes our world. Like with science, you can interpret the world in different ways. You can look at the world as a place messed up by sin, which God is in the process of fixing, or you can look at the world as a place messed up because there is no God. But the evil in the world does not contradict Christianity’s presentation of the world.

If I look at the historical evidence, there is nothing that directly contradicts the primary message of Christianity concerning the death and resurrection of Jesus. It’s indisputable that Jesus of Nazareth was crucified. There’s no reason for Jewish common people to invent a story in which their messiah gets killed. It’s most likely that the tomb of Jesus became empty because if the corpse of Jesus was clearly present in the tomb, no one would believe he was raised from the dead. Also, there’s pretty good

evidence that something drastically caused the disciples to truly believe Jesus was raised from the dead. Written accounts record that the disciples initially doubted the resurrection (which is embarrassing, so it’s probably true), and it makes no sense for them to go from publicly doubting Jesus to suffering and dying for lies in favor of Jesus.1 People are sometimes willing to suffer and die for what they believe is true, but I don’t know of a case where someone suffers and dies for what they know is a lie. So again, all this evidence can be interpreted in different ways, but it does not disagree with Christianity.

Most of the evidence people try to use against Christianity can be easily viewed in a manner consistent with the claims of Christianity; on the contrary, I have found that the most damaging evidence comes not from without the church but from within the church. And when I say “church,” I don’t mean a certain building or a specific organization; I mean the communities of people who call themselves Christians.

According to the Christian Bible, when someone puts their faith in Jesus as Lord and Savior, something remarkable happens: the Spirit of God enters into the believer and acts as a “guarantee” for heaven.2 Jesus said the Holy Spirit “will teach you all things” and “guide you into all the truth.”3 Paul wrote that “the fruit of the Spirit is love” and that if “anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.”4 Ezekiel prophesied that the Holy Spirit would “cause you to walk in [God’s] statutes and be careful to obey [his] rules.”5 However, when I look at the church, I don’t usually see a community of transformed people who are careful to obey God’s rules and are characterized by love. Usually, I see a group of people not radically different from other groups of people. Churches tend to act just as superficial with just as many problems as any human organization without the Spirit of God. Christians seem to make just as many mistakes as non-Christians, if not more, and usually don’t act or feel like a new creation. And there are some who used to call themselves Christian who apparently were not guaranteed by the Holy Spirit.

We can try to justify this in a couple of ways. First, we might say that not everyone who is part of the church has truly put their faith in Jesus Christ, in which case they would not have received the Holy Spirit nor have experienced any biblical transformation. If enough members of a particular church were false positives, then that church would be a poor example of the Christian community exposited in the Bible. Second, we might say it’s very difficult to compare people with different backgrounds who are in different walks of life. If a professing Christian commits adultery, it’s easy to compare him to a virtuous atheist instead of considering the complex factors of each of their individual lives.

However, while we can try to interpret away some of these problems, they’re far too pervasive, in my opinion, compared to what I would expect. According to the Bible, Christians have put

on a new nature “which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.”6 This means God should be transforming Christians to be more like Jesus in nature, but this does not seem to be happening at an appropriate rate. Sometimes, Christians look less like Jesus than other people. I think the worst cases are when people who are indisputably Christian are involved in doing things that are very hurtful. If God’s Spirit is supposed to guide us into all truth, then how come he doesn’t seem to be completely effective?

So what does all this mean? If you’re Christian, it’s really easy to point the finger at other Christians and at other churches. It might be easy to blame old traditional churches or strict conservative churches as missing the whole point of Christianity. But really, you should be looking at yourself and your own church community. When I was part of a Christian student organization at Cal, it felt like a good community that really understood the purpose of Jesus. However, at meetings it was really easy for me to talk only with my friends or to focus on people I found attractive, and that builds a culture of exclusivity and superficiality, which can lead to very negative outcomes. Someone in desperate need of Christian community might not feel welcome. Because of this, someone might find himself on a much darker path. And this has definitely happened. Usually, it’s because everyone tends to be a little less mindful than they ought to be, which escalates quickly if done communally.

I really don’t know what all this means, but I’ll make a list of things that I think could help reduce some of these problems. 1) Be like Jesus by making a proactive effort to be welcoming, accepting, and loving to strangers, particularly outcasts. 2) Be like Jesus by making a proactive effort to be vulnerable in having deep loving relationships within your community, since the best kind of love knows all of someone’s flaws yet continues to love. The strongest argument you can make in favor of Christianity is by acting more like Jesus and by teaching others how to act more like Jesus. While the failures of Christian communities can be a very strong argument against Christianity, I think Christian community has the potential to be the strongest argument in favor of Jesus.

If you’re not Christian, then my only suggestion is: Seek God, and don’t let anyone or any of this get in your way. By “God,” I mean the supreme or ultimate reality, not with any narrow definition. Instead, you should figure out that definition. What is God? And can you experience God? 1 Mark 16:11, Luke 24:11(ESV)

4 Galatians 5:22, 2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)

2 Ephesians 1:14 (ESV)

5 Ezekiel 36:27 (ESV)

3 John 14:26, 16:13 (ESV)

6 Colossians 3:10 (ESV)

James Frederick graduated from UC Berkeley in 2014. He is currently a math teacher who simultaneously works as a lawmaker, cop, judge, governor, and entertainer for seventh graders.

Spring 2016 | To An Unknown God 27

Reforming Insignifi

Diana Lutfi, CONTRIBUTING WRITER

I

’ve met dozens of strong-minded atheists who, not without good reasons, left the church and will never consider going back. A clear majority of these individuals left not because they objected to a theistic worldview - and if so, it certainly didn’t start that way. It was mainly because most had issues with its controlling authority structure shunning curiosity and limiting abilities. I realize that this type of culture does not predominate all Christian churches, but I do have to acknowledge that these types of communities exist, and I’ve been a victim of them.

The number one reason that constantly leads me to question my own faith has almost always been imperfect people. I did not have issues with having a Christian theistic worldview until I came across all sorts of Christian theologies that I did not know existed, as well as a good share of name-calling and threats of hell from church “leaders” who always seemed to look down on me. In the process of questioning my identity in Christ and my purpose for being alive on planet earth, there were moments when I felt valueless for prioritizing being a part of a church community for many years. I’ve been told several things that have left me very confused and in tears, such as “God only speaks to His leaders that way; He won’t just directly speak to you” or “You’re not ready to receive Christ; you’re just a little kid, you don’t understand.” These would have been sufficiently credible reasons for me to completely walk away from the faith, but on top of that, because our family was extremely broken and impoverished, we were treated as though we were burdensome to the church. When I started to pull my focus away from engaging in that community, I was fortunate enough to be in an academic environment that valued student potential.

This setting enabled me to grow in confidence and launch two sustainable high school programs as well as a TEDxYouth movement in Southern California. I thrived outside of the church and there were practically no reasons for me to go back to being a part of that disempowering environment. This is why I could easily empathize with many headstrong atheists -

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because I would have become one.

The reason I did not leave the faith is because I was able to rationalize that I was merely upset and resentful towards a community of people, not the Christian worldview itself. Even though I could have easily questioned the injustices and suffering that I’d endured, not just by the cruel world but also by the people who were supposed to be my heavenly family, these were not the inherent issue for me. Frankly, many ancient and modern philosophers already had great answers to these issues. I also stayed because there was at least one Christian individual who I was able to trust and whose maturity in the faith and genuine love for me as a sister was sufficient to sustain me to not lose sight of who I am and what having this worldview actually says about the nature of my existence.

Believing in the God of the Holy Bible means believing in a Father who wants you to succeed – whose plans are to prosper you and not to harm you,1 who wants you to realize that you are meant to be significant. You were created in the image of God to be exalted and to take dominion over every living thing.2 When the Bible speaks about being made out of dust,3 even science can confirm this - have you not seen the Symphony of Science “We are Star Dust” music video?4 You are also gifted with such an incredible combination of abilities and talents that resoundingly enables you to live out every page of every chapter that God has planned for you.5 God has special promises for every one of His children, and He will NOT fail to fulfill them.6 Recognizing your worth and significance as an inherent biblical truth is the first step to not allowing lies and others’ hurtful remarks deplete your identity and those promises.

It took me a while to understand that the imperfect nature of people - especially those in leadership - was actually what I had been hurt by all along. And it’s not shameful to be hurt by this - Jesus even grieves about it.7 In fact, the Bible says we should treat one another as brothers and sisters, regardless of how knowledgeable and “grown-up” we are in the faith. We

cance in the Church

are to regard each other as equals, giving honor to one another selflessly - without asking for honor in return because Christ honors us for honoring them.8 I know now that most mature Christians placed in leadership positions are trying to model this in the best way they can, but in the process of trying to carry out their leadership role, they may fail to recognize how their efforts in discipling others to be “righteous” may devalue and even undermine some of these individuals’ sense of significance and identity. This is exactly why Paul cautions us to first seek peace prior to strengthening one another as fellow brothers and sisters, being careful to not destroy the work that God has done in each individual’s life.9 This framework has shifted my mindset to realize that just because someone is an appointed leader in a church community, that doesn’t make them flawless or more gifted than you. For instance, a leader’s measure of faith may be lower than the person they are discipling. Another reason why Paul cautions us again in Romans 12:3 is because this issue of different measures of faith can be directly related to pride and doubt - the antithesis of humility and faith. The passage also encourages us to see the best in others and to not undermine them in their current role and in their hopes, dreams, and goals as unrealistic one might think they are.

With all sorts of flawed people and systems everywhere, I often get asked whether there is a certain set of standards one HAS to follow as a Christian, the most common being the obligation to belong to a locally organized church. Understandably, the line of thinking behind this goes into being able to just avoid all the mess and commitment involved in being a part of a church community.

I’ve grappled with this question myself for the longest time, so my response to it, unlike many others, will not be an enthusiastic “yes.” I am aware of how many individuals are hurt by these institutions and I’m not going to try to defend any sort of corruption in the system. The term “church” in a biblical sense is defined as the Body of Christ,10 the People of God,11 and in a much more unified way: the Bride.12 As someone who has also

studied the ways by which power can corrupt, church leadership (with a hierarchy system as opposed to just having Christ as the head) can definitely fall into the same pothole. Yet I do however, see that part of our responsibility as Christians is to continually build and reform the “church”; having a local community you belong to that actually respects your input and enables you to live your God-given destiny just makes this responsibility easier to fulfill. This type of community can certainly be hard to find depending on who you are and where you look, but this shouldn’t discourage you from looking or starting your own Christian community. Your calling and identity should not be diminished for the sake of being able to commune with other Christians. But sometimes, compromising one’s sense of self-significance for the sake of loving other people well may just be something that God is giving you the peace to do.

In all cases, walking with God means allowing Him to directly situate you where He wants you to be. The best part of pursuing a closer relationship with Him is realizing that, actually, He is the one pursuing you.

1 Jeremiah 29:11 NIV 2 Genesis 1:27-28 NIV 3 Genesis 2:7 NIV 4 Melodysheep. “‘We Are Star Dust’symphony of Science”. Filmed [May 2012]. Youtube video, 2:58. Posted May 2012]. https://www.youtube. comwatch?v=8g4d-rnhuSg .

5 Psalms 139:16 NIV

6 Numbers 23:19 NIV 7 Matthew 23 NIV 8 Matthew 23: 8-12 NIV 9 Romans 14:19-20 NIV 10 1 Corinthians 12:27 NIV 11 Hebrews 8:10 NIV 12 2 Corinthians 11:2; Revelation 19:7, 21:9 NIV

Diana Lutfi is an Interdisciplinary Studies major with a field focus in Medical Ethics. She directs a large worldview decal called Faith & Reasons (faithandreasons. com) that aims to investigate Big Questions of life and allow people to develop a resolved perspective about these questions. Diana has a huge heart for seeing a chosen generation of young people arise and fulfill their God-given callings.

Spring 2016 | To An Unknown God 29

From the Island of Trees, Looking Out to Your Planet Naomi Francisco There was a girl I met here who knew you. You were behind the glass, the picturesque motion of a nightingale taking my seat. I was related to you, but someone bought me and caged me, and so now I’ve seen more borders and bridges and breaks in the sidewalk than you. We don’t even speak the same language anymore.

You were real to me once, and our feathers were from the same quilted blanket. But how can I make you realize that you are just a picturesque motion and that your name is the act of crossing the street?

It’s cold out here. We who make it – well those who did before me – have flown on, beyond, past. Every year they get to advance a league away.

That’s how we assign ranks.

But I guess this is the hardest part. To wear my grey-given suit and set off on a bus I woke up on and join the others abroad; we just get farther from the port and always farther in longitude from each other. I met someone on the groves of fog but they were too busy trying to make money by selling windpipes saying they would keep me warm when I blew them.

I was connected to you once; we sailed above the reflectors of the sun, and today I am alone on an island of trees. The meltertone will take my song to you. Please pay him a sum of 1,200 words. He can only be at all places at once with that fee. Write me again when you come to realize that I was always trying to be with you. But the day-man prevented me.

I was holding your hand, do you remember? When you fell and I didn’t want to run away but the sea came up and he caught me and explained to you all my sins. I kissed you goodbye and I know I was never the creative one, always thinking of other people’s stories about dances and Crimea and the life of beetles. You didn’t see, but I closed the glass behind me, because that’s what you would have wanted anyway. I always wanted what made you want me.

My ship is about to leave. I am going North –

30 To An Unknown God | Spring 2016

Resting in the Land of the Lotus-Eaters

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Eleanor Duan, CONTRIBUTING WRITER n Homer’s Odyssey, there is a scene in which Odysseus and his men, sailing home after many years of war and peril, come upon the Land of the Lotus-eaters. Some lotuses are given the sailors to taste, and those who eat lose all memory of the journey home, of wife and children too. They linger in the strange land, pining for more lotuses—now the only desire that fills their hearts and minds.

As one reflects on the sailors’ years of striving rendered so suddenly and frivolously void, the immensity of waste turns the effort to reconstruct this scene in the imagination into a painful labor. Both the past memories that shape their identities and the hope for home that stretches out the future horizons evaporate simultaneously. The yet unwitting sailors are left to grope and ponder in the present—a present of temporal, spatial, cognitive and emotional stases. It is a flat world, one that flashes only the revels of the moment, a world fragmented and unsustained.

There is yet another cause for pain that comes from the pity and compassion for the sailors. Imagining their blithely usurped longings, one feels the loss with giddy acuteness. The sympathetic spirit responds to the story by echoing its motions, undergoing an emotional parallel of the sailors’ physical displacement and estrangement, and is likewise forced upon a meaningless meander. Thus despite the span of millenniums, there is between Homer’s lotus-eaters and present-day readers a profound correspondence—one that arises out of an empathy, which is activated as we deduce and extrapolate from our own similar circumstances to imaginatively reconstruct and experience the characters’ states of being.

Spring 2016 | To An Unknown God 31

One crucial yet often unnoticed point is that rapport of such affinity could not be supported merely by a shared humanity.

We are able to fully understand and sympathize with the sailors’ situation because seeing their vulnerability, we unconsciously yet fundamentally acknowledge our own susceptibility to the same evil. In other words, we fear and tremble at the hideous effects of the lotuses since, like Odysseus and other onlookers, we too perceive the disguised danger and feel imminently threatened.

Similarly, the bewilderment and melancholy clinging heavily to us like a weeping child disclose a subliminal pining to return to a long-lost home. There is an earnestly cherished hope of finally gaining rest, one far different from the vacuous slumber of the Land of the Lotus-eaters; a slumber that may well be our own.

And I do not refer to this potential absence of real rest, or a state of restlessness, in an abstract or metaphorical way. Too often and keenly do I witness in myself and in those around me how the unfulfilled and unfruitful founder the full sense of being. Such is manifest in every aspect—academic stress, interpersonal relations, financial concerns, pursuit for a sense of belonging, persistent failings and frailties that defy desperate hopes for regeneration, the dreary daily effort to prove the long-cherished belief that “I” is special despite seemingly contrary-wise evidence… and the list goes on, unique for each person—yet disturbingly familiar to all.

Like the lotus-opiated sailors, our entrapment is two-fold: the thralldom of deprivation of all true valuables, masked by a false contentment; and at the same time an anxious determination to cling to this haggard state. The latter may be motivated by hope of improvement through continued effort, or fear of stepping outside the only known mode of living, or simply a malicious cynicism that doggedly persists in cankering the self both for a sickening pleasure of willful abandon, and for the scourging pain as a cathartic means.

One approach to this double predicament may find its inspiration in the book On Beauty and Being Just by Elaine Scarry, Professor of Aesthetics at Harvard. Amongst the properties she ascribes to beauty in the attempt to explore its effects is that of being unprecedented, and thereby carrying with it a fresh and entire world unknown before. Perceiving beauty, the mind wishes to search its inventory for a precedent; yet being “too exclusively filled with the beautiful object that stands in its

32 To An Unknown God | Spring 2016

presence,”1 it cannot even initiate the search, failing before it begins. Overwhelmed by the immensity of beauty that “fills the mind and breaks all frames,”2 the mind is temporarily paralyzed, the entire being shocked out of its own existence to wonder at that of the beautiful thing and the new potentials it heralds.

This collapse of the self ’s conscientiousness as a result of encountering beauty is later described by Scarry as a “lift[ing] out of one ontological state into another.”3 Such a process, in which the being is suddenly arrested out of its own tracks and transported into another world, strikes me as a suitable model for how one might be extricated from the state of restlessness.

Just as how Scarry describes beauty as a “greeting” that “lifts away from the neutral background as though coming forward to welcome you—as though the object were designed to ‘fit’ your perception,”4 the same concept can be broadened and generalized to include perception of all kinds.

Rather than an active exercise of seeking and receiving information and impressions, “perception” could be seen as more of an experience or encounter in which the outside world comes towards the perceiver and renders itself known by striking, or literally impressing itself upon them. Imagine a pair of friends walking along a path and stopping to gaze at a pine tree.

A breeze passes and some needles seem to quiver with electric excitement. One friend notices this and points it out to the other, who, although looking at the same thing at the same moment as the former, saw only that parts of the tree moved slightly in the wind. The first friend is able to see in finer details because the needles’ shivering had struck him as existent, had intruded upon his conscious, puncturing the relatively self-containing and selfcentered bubble of existence. Thus like a moving train that is suddenly halted or turned into another track, so the perceiver/ experiencer is jolted out of his/her own more self-regarding existence in order to gaze upon the beautiful.

Now, what if this “moment of perception” is not the fraction of a second needed to notice the pine needles’ quiver or to glance into a friend’s eyes to find mutual understanding, but a few minutes in which a piece of wonderful music totally submerges and deprives self-consciousness, or the two hours of a movie that suspend all thoughts and feelings for the world outside the theatre? What about still longer experiences—the death of a

loved one that brings many lives to a screeching halt for months and years, a serene friendship that is a haven from the self and its troubles, or a deep appreciation for something in which one finds unspeakable comfort and self-expression, over a lifetime?

By the same logic that operates the momentary, fragmented “rest” of perception, one could argue that in all the examples given above, the self is arrested in its own tracks and diverted into the existence or the ontological state of another. Extending the implications even further, could there be an experience so momentous, forceful and encompassing as to cease the self and its concerns altogether, to thereby infinitely prolong the “moment” into an eternal rest? Such an experience that cannot be subjected to, arrested by, or diverted into any other experiences— this ultimate thing—what might its ontological state be like?

Unfortunately, even presuming the reasoning process to be thus far valid, these last questions are fundamental ones that require individual thinking and probing of all who wish to find an answer. Nonetheless, I will again tender Scarry’s opinion, and afterwards supply that of my own as a Christian. Scarry proposes that after a mind confronted with beauty is first arrested and then transported, its next act that completes the trilogy of movements is to familiarize itself with the new ontological state of the beautiful thing by relationally understanding and situating it: “[b] eauty, according to its critics, causes us to gape and suspend all thought … but simultaneously what is beautiful prompts the mind to move chronologically back in the search for precedents and parallels, to move forward into new acts of creation, to move conceptually over, to bring things into relation, and does all this with a kind of urgency as though one’s life depended on it.”5 Wonderfully, these motions backward into the past, forward into the future, and eagerly connecting pieces of existence, are the exact opposite of those in the Land of the Lotus-eaters who perform neither geographical nor temporal movements, but dwell upon flowers that fragment rather than cohere the realities of the present.

As the mind keeps going back in search of a precedent for beauty until it reaches something that has none, this something, Scarry suggests, “may very well be the immortal.”6 As a Christian, I acknowledge this immortality, this genesis of beauty as well as of all else, to be God; and as such, He is the

“ultimate," overpowering event/being mentioned above. By the implications of our resting logic, to “rest” in God means being perpetually jolted out and suspended from the immediate experience, and transported into a wholly different realm of the divine—to radically cease the worldly being, and invited instead to participate in an overarching purpose. However, this state of perfect and eternal communion with God does not occur while we remain human. Thus, to reconcile the two—to be inhabited by a heavenly glory while inhabiting the particularities of specific experiences, to render a worldly life holy through God, and at the same time fulfilling His Will and Grace by means of everyday living—is to both rest in God, and to welcome Him to rest in us.

Such is one of the essential goals and hopes that Christians strive daily to attain. Indeed, as St. Augustine said in the opening lines of his Confession: “Thou awakest us to delight in Thy praise; for Thou madest us for Thyself, and our heart is restless, until it repose in Thee.”7 As we are not static but are ever changing, so our understanding of God and of “rest” is never a fixed definition, but is both evolutionary and revolutionary: constantly refashioning the self to better align with the ideal of “rest,” we in fullness and joy not only always aspire and rest in Christ’s companionship here on earth, but also in the hope of the ultimate repose in our home in Heaven.7 1 Elaine Scarry, On Beauty and Being Just (Princeton: Princeton UP, 1999), 22.

2 Elaine Scarry, On Beauty and Being Just (Princeton: Princeton UP, 1999), 23.

3 Elaine Scarry, On Beauty and Being Just (Princeton: Princeton UP, 1999), 32.

4 Elaine Scarry, On Beauty and Being Just (Princeton: Princeton UP, 1999), 26.

5 Elaine Scarry, On Beauty and Being Just (Princeton: Princeton UP, 1999), 29.

6 Elaine Scarry, On Beauty and Being Just (Princeton: Princeton UP, 1999), 30.

7 Saint Augustine, Confessions. Translated by E.B. Pusey.

Eleanor is a sophomore who tries to find rest in God, in the lines of Milton and Spenser, in thinking up food recipes, in crying when she fails at these and else (as is very often the case), and in repeating Blake’s “I will not cease from mental fight,/Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand” as she fortifies the weakened spirit and renews the efforts with gladder heart.

Spring 2016 | To An Unknown God 33

the dilemma of faith A se D

Micaela Walker, EDITOR EMERITA espite the number of Christian fellowships that daily set up their tables on Sproul and the churches that dot the outskirts of campus, our university is a secular one.

Charles Taylor’s tome, A Secular Age asserts that our entire age is secular, not because we have rejected religion outright (the active, growing fellowships and churches would demonstrate otherwise), but rather our age is secular because belief in the divine is only one option out of many options that we can choose from.1 Likewise, ours is an age in which believers and non-believers alike struggle with doubt about whether our beliefs are indeed the right ones. In a recent New York Times article, the philosopher William Irwin, himself an agnostic, wrote, “Any honest atheist must admit that he has his doubts, that occasionally he thinks he might be wrong, that there could be a God after all — if not the God of the Judeo-Christian tradition, then a God of some kind.”2 In his commentary on Charles Taylor’s book, James K.A. Smith writes, “even as faith endures in our secular age, believing doesn’t come easy. . . We don’t believe instead of doubting; we believe while doubting.”3 We often assume that our society consists primarily of those who fall in either the camp of religious fundamentalists or the “New Atheists,” but Smith asserts that most of us occupy a middle ground where we feel pressured by both the contestability of our religious claims on one hand and by our longings for transcendence on the other.

The prominent American poet Mary Oliver has frequently written about this sense of being caught between belief and unbelief. Poems that speak to this tension are prominent in her latest collection of poetry, Felicity. In “I Wake Close to Morning” she writes:

34 To An Unknown God | Spring 2016

Why do people keep asking to see

God’s identity papers when the darkness opening into morning

is more than enough?

Certainly any god might turn away in disgust.

Think of Sheba approaching

the kingdom of Solomon.

Do you think she had to ask,

“Is this the place?”4 The poem is structured like an apologetic that attempts to justify the hiddenness of God by pointing out that maybe he isn’t hidden at all. Her reference to “God’s identity papers” suggests that she has certain New Atheist authors in mind—the likes of Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens and Samuel Harris—who assert that because there is no strong evidence for God’s existence, atheism is the only rational position to hold. Rather than using rational arguments, though, the poet appeals to a sense of how obvious God’s existence is. The speaker wakes and sees a sunrise and the drastic transformation of night into day. Upon beholding the scene, the speaker wonders how anyone could question God’s existence when this beautiful scene is proof enough that he exists.

She mocks the human desire to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that God exists by comparing it to impersonally “asking to see God’s identity papers.” The speaker tires of these inane questions that humans ask of God, emphasizing that we should instead be filled with a sense of awe in the face of his Creation. It seems that to ask “Does God exist?” is utterly beside the point.

In another poem from the same collection, though, the speaker finds herself questioning this earlier belief that she held. In “The Wildest Storm” the speaker self-consciously realizes that in the face of a powerful storm, she has tried to enchant it by imagining it is a “great sky beast.” This realization gestures back to her

in ecular AGE earlier assertion that God’s existence is obvious, casting doubt on her confidence of his existence. The reader wonders whether her confidence was founded upon her desire to “enchant” the world by attributing the beauty of the sunrise to something outside of the natural world, namely, to God. In doing so, Oliver’s poetry occupies a middle-ground wherein God’s existence is given, while, at the same time, she wonders whether that givenness is just a dream or something she has invented to explain for her own existence, God’s silence echoing in her ears. There would seem to be some kind of cognitive dissonance here—how can she believe that God exists while simultaneously believing that she has simply fabricated him? Yet, this state of being in-between is where many of us find ourselves.

We have longings for transcendence manifested through our desire for eternal significance, our insatiable hunger for beauty, and our existential questions about the nature of man. Yet our daily sensory experiences tell us that the only things which are real are those we can see and touch or prove scientifically.

Though we are constantly pressured and pulled by these simultaneous forces, we shouldn’t be content to leave the question of God’s existence unanswered or untouched. Rather, our longings for transcendence should move us toward purposeful investigation of the question. Nathaniel Hawthorne said of his friend Herman Melville, “He can neither believe, nor be comfortable in his unbelief; and he is too honest and courageous not to try to do one or the other.”5 Melville took it as an imperative that he could not stand between belief and unbelief but spent his life trying to figure out which was the better response to reality.

Indeed, it takes honesty and courage to leave the middle-ground and to decide where you will fall on this question.

Interestingly, despite the fact that this dilemma of being “inbetween” is a modern one, Christianity has the resources to uniquely address us right where we are. Timothy Keller writes

about how “Jesus modeled a view of doubt more nuanced than those of either modern skeptics or modern believers.” When Jesus confronted “doubting Thomas,” he “challenged him not to acquiesce in doubt (believe!) and yet responded to his request for more evidence.”6 In another passage, Jesus met a man whose dilemma of faith seems particularly modern. When Jesus questioned the man about his beliefs, the man said, “I believe!” but immediately confessed that he was really in the middle-ground, saying, “help my unbelief!” Jesus did not rebuke him or walk away, demanding complete faith. Rather, Jesus heard this man’s confession of his own doubleness and blessed him and healed his son.

A good place, then, for spiritual seekers to start seeking, might be with Jesus. Do an honest investigation of who he was, what he claimed and what his impact has been on history. Jesus was not threatened by this man’s unbelief, and he is likewise not threatened by us when we are stuck between belief and unbelief.

1 Taylor, Charles. A Secular Age. Cambridge, MA: Belknap of Harvard UP, 2007.

Print.

2 Irwin, William. “God Is a Question, Not an Answer.” Opinionator. New York Times, 26 Mar. 2016. Web. 3 Smith, James K. A. How (not) to Be Secular: Reading Charles Taylor. Print.

4 Oliver, Mary. Felicity. Vol. 1. N.p.: Penguin, 2015. Print.

5 Madden, J. “Melville and Nathaniel Hawthorne.” Melville and Nathaniel Hawthorne. n.p., 25 July 2000. Web. 07 Apr. 2016.

6 Keller, T. The Reason for God: Dutton, 2008. Print.

Micaela is a senior savoring her last semester at Cal, grateful for how God has answered her own unbelief through his world and his people.

Spring 2016 | To An Unknown God 35

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