UTZINE UT ZINE
FALLS IN LOVE! 3 Situationships: a Game of Truth or Dare 4 Valentine’s Day Dress-Up 5 The Top 5 Romance Films of 2023 6 Single and Not Ready to Mingle 8 Confessions of a Valentine’s Day Baby 10 How to Get Through Valentine’s Day 12 Breaking the Cycle: Dating in Your Present, Not Your Past 14 Find Your TCD Soulmate
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SITUATIONSHIPS: A GAME OF TRUTH OR DARE
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Sajal Singh asks whether love without labels is really possible
What are we?” “Are we exclusive?” “So can we see other peo- lationships thrive on the quirkiness of the undefined. It’s a dance of ple?”.The age-old game of truth or dare in the dating world today emotions set to the beat of an eccentric playlist, where ‘complicated’ has taken on a completely new meaning. From swiping right on is not just a relationship status but a badge of honour. Labels? Who dating apps to navigating the murky waters needs them when you can embark on a of ‘situationships,’ Gen-Z faces a unique journey of adventure without the weight of set of challenges in the quest for love and Seeking authenticity in an age relationship expectations? companionship. While the game remains But I think I now understand that of carefully curated online about doing silly things and being vulnerthis grey era called a situationship was able in front of new people, it gets more born out of fear. The fear of being either personas is like journeying complicated when one approaches relamore or less involved than the other perthrough a hall of mirrors. tionships with a blend of both scepticism son. The fear of losing is one of the pros and openness. Seeking authenticity in an of being single. The fear of losing feelings age of carefully curated online personas is like journeying through a upon the advent of adverse circumstances or someone more attractive. hall of mirrors. We crave meaningful connections that align with our The fear of having to make sacrifices and compromises and still ending values and aspirations, but the dare lies in being willing to share your up hurt. The fear of losing ‘something’ in the quest for ‘everything’. authentic self while being mindful of the potential risks. The dare is While a situationship can help some people focus on personal growth, not just about trusting another person but also daring to trust one’s circling in such a holding pattern may not be for everybody. So, felinstincts and navigate the nuanced world of emolow love explorers, it’s time you communicate. tions that come with it. Establish clear expectations and ensure that both Situational The truth is that relationships evolve organically, of you are on the same page regarding the nature navigating a spectrum from casual to committed, relationships thrive on and future of your connection. but before this comes the variety of relationship Also, whenever you are ready, an eye-openthe quirkiness of the structures based on the degree of involvement, ing Tumblr post for me includes the words, ‘Peolike just dating, friends with benefits, being in an ple are meant to be a burden’, as humans rely on undefined open relationship, etc. each other to support one another, and it’s not a Enter the term ‘situationships’, a concept that encapsulates the am- bother, it’s our purpose – to love and be loved in return. So if you ever biguity of modern-day dating. Whether it’s sharing a pizza at 2am or think you are being annoyed, just remember that it’s going to be better debating the existence of extra-terrestrial life forms, situational re- and that all of us are sailing in the same boat.
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VALENTINE’S DAY DRESS-UP
Hanna Valila’s sartorial suggestions for the big night, whoever you’re spending it with
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celebration of love in all shapes and sizes, a day to remind your loved ones how much they mean to you, but, most importantly, a reason to dress up on theme — Valentine’s Day is around the corner and you want to make this one memorable. Regardless if you’re celebrating with a partner, your besties, or practising all the self-love you deserve, take this opportunity to feel good by looking good. The most important ingredient to radiance is confidence, so focus on what makes you feel like the best version of yourself. But if you are looking for specific inspiration to put your own spin on, we have you covered.
fancy date night
Whether you are lucky enough to be taken out by your partner, or have a partner worth taking out, anywhere from a nice restaurant to a cocktail bar is a great option to show off in public. The classic is a red dress, which can be found in so many different variations to accommodate your style. Pair it with sleek black heels or boots to feel powerful in the most elegant way. If red is not your colour, Barbie fans can opt for a pink to embrace femininity. Alternatively, nothing says quiet confidence like an all black outfit — either a long dress or tailored trousers with a textured top and a nice belt will leave the venue speechless without your outfit yelling in their face. If you own something a touch risqué which you have not had the opportunity to wear yet, now is your time! But remember your partner is with you for you, so the most attractive outfit is one that is true to yourself.
a cosy night at home
Maybe you and your partner are homebodies, you want to spend the day more intimately, or you simply do not have the energy or funds to splash out for Valentine’s Day. A cosy night at home can be just as romantic, and doesn’t mean you don’t get to dress on theme. A matching pyjama set is a great option here. You can even surprise your partner by getting you both silk pyjamas that not only feel luxurious, but are good for protecting your skin and hair as well. A cosy night in is not limited to couples!
Matching pyjamas with your friends is just as valid. Together you can watch a rom com, or Titanic, in accordance with the mood of the night. Order pizza or make sure you’re stocked up on Ben & Jerry’s and chocolates. Popcorn is a must. If matching pyjamas is not your friend group’s vibe, you can get each other t-shirts with a silly anecdote or an inside joke, Secret Santa style. A new pyjama set is also a treat you deserve for your self-care night in. A pair of fuzzy socks and some brand new skincare would go along very well. A nice bathrobe is a luxury you don’t realise how much you benefit from until you have one. Wrap yourself up warm and practise whatever form of self-love works best for you!
galentines on the town! Perhaps the most empowering way to spend the day is with your best single gal pals. The importance of platonic love is often understated. Take this opportunity to fully express yourself and dress “for the girls”. When you’re out with your besties celebrating each other, you can take any and all fashion risks you might have been nervous about. This is the perfect opportunity to experiment with bright pink or red eyeshadow, try a new hairstyle or wear that crazy hat that you bought on a whim. Just don’t forget to have a photoshoot and hype each other up!
THE BEST ROMANCE FILMS OF 2023
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Why not kick of 2024 with a reflection on the on-screen loves found and lost in the past year, asks Sajal Singh
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part from the fact that love is the greatest human emotion, capable of making and breaking lives, the reason there are countless movies about love is the fact that nobody knows what it is. The feelings and experiences of relationships are so unique and complicated for everyone that any story about them can be made fascinating. Each of the romance movies I saw in 2023 beautifully captured the complexities and nuances of love, offering a fresh perspective on this timeless subject. From heartwarming tales of long-lost lovers reuniting to bittersweet stories of unrequited love, these films reminded me that love can take many forms, and be both exhilarating and heartbreaking. Now, let’s get to the list: Passages (2023) Ira Sachs’s Passages took audiences on a mesmerising journey through the intricacies of love and intimacy. Premiered at the 2023 Sundance Film Festival, this French romantic drama featured stellar performances by Franz Rogowski, Ben Whishaw and Adèle Exarchopoulos. The film explores the relationship between a gay couple when one of them has an affair with a woman. The film’s nuanced storytelling and dynamic sexuality are carefully and impactfully explored in this cinematic masterpiece, leaving an indelible mark on the hearts of those who experience its tender narrative.
marks deeper trouble than just bringing a child into the world. The emotional depth and cultural resonance of Joyland make it an unforgettable addition to the global romance film landscape.
Just Go With It (2011) While not a new release, Just Go With It secured its place on this list as a timeless romantic comedy. I know I might be too late to the party, but released in 2011 and starring Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston, the film continues to charm audiences with its humour and heart. From the scene in which Jennifer Aniston enters the frame, one is bound to know that she is the heroine. Past Lives (2023) The classic “fake relationship turned real” plot, coupled with the Celine Song made an impressive feature directorial debut with comedic chemistry between the lead actors, ensures that Just Go Past Lives, a 2023 American romantic drama. Starring Greta With It remains a comfort watch for romance lovers. Lee, Teo Yoo, and John Magaro, the film delves into the complexities of love and connection across different lifetimes. Nora and Red, White, and Royal Blue (2023) Hae Sung fall in love as kids, but destiny has other plans. When Red, White, and Royal Blue brought the pages of Casey Mcthey finally meet years later, their lives change forever. The movie Quiston’s 2019 novel to life in this American romantic comedy made me bawl my eyes out as it reminded me of the relationships directed by Matthew López. The film’s witty humour, charming that didn’t work out. Right person, wrong timing, you know. The characters, and fresh take on royal romance made it stand out in storytelling and performances are so compelling that they make the romantic comedy genre. Alex (Taylor Zakhar Perez), the son you sink deep into the lives of the characters. Sometimes it’s the of the president of the US, and Britain’s Prince Henry (Nicholas dialogue, but mostly it’s the expressions that make it a hard-hit- Galitzine), second in line to the throne, have a chemistry that is ting real romance masterpiece. too hard to miss, along with the obvious heat of the two actors that captures the audience. Joyland (2022) 2023 was a year that made my love for the romance genre even Joyland marked a significant milestone in Pakistani cinema as it fonder. I stepped in and out of the world of movies while trying to became one of the first Pakistani movies to enter the Oscars short- navigate reality. I hope you enjoy my recommendations on your list. The Saim Sadiq-directed movie slightly broke my heart as it movie night with a bucket full of your favourite snacks. Sit back, exposed the truth about the struggles of queer identities in Asian relax, and let the magic of cinema transport you to a world of love, families. The marriage of the protagonists, Haider and Mumtaz, laughter, and unforgettable moments.
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SINGLE AND NOT READY TO MINGLE Attending a wedding in Uruguay without a partner, Cleo Daly navigates the societal and family pressures of being single.
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hey say weddings are the best place to find a partner. However, arrived in (most likely taken against their will), and the list of people as an individual who is against incestual relationships, I’d have to avoid at the wedding began to form. My cousin’s supposed partner to disagree. I had the pleasure of travelling to Uruguay for my was, it turns out, related to us (through marriage), and I didn’t even cousin’s wedding during the break, as she had kindly chosen me as one want to ask about my partner’s connection to the family. It was at the of her bridesmaids. The discussions of the wedding had been ongoing wedding rehearsal that I discovered that my partner was now in a refor many years, and the last time I had seen my cousins I had miracu- lationship, and that myself and my cousin were to walk down the aisle lously been in a relationship. They had been delighted at the news, and together. The news was something I was overjoyed with, as I had not insisted I bring him as my guest to the wedding. I fancied trying to make small talk with someone however don’t have the best track record in terms who likely didn’t speak the same language as myof relationships that outlive a fruit fly (I feel disinself, but I also found myself slightly disappointed. But why would clined to disclose the length of their lifespan due to We ended up walking in a four, ourselves and two my dignity), so I was quite certain the man would being seen as single other women, separate to that of the other bridesnot be stepping foot on Uruguayan soil anytime maid and groomsmen. I felt as if we were the single disappoint me me, , soon. When the news broke that I’d be attending parade at the back (turns out the two other women the wedding single, my cousins rushed to set me up and why did I feel were not single, and that some of the couples conwith someone they believed to be my own age (he sisted of single individuals who had been put tosomewhat ashamed? was, in fact, not my age, I’m not even sure it was gether, but at the time I was not aware of this). But legal). They did the same for my other cousin who why would being seen as single disappoint me, and was also (thank God) attending the celebrations by herself. why did I feel somewhat ashamed that I hadn’t found a serious partner As the wedding approached, I had hoped they had given up on their who was prepared to fly across the world with me? Answer: societal quest to wed us off, but soon enough, videos and photos of the boys pressure — but we will get back to that in a bit.
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The news of my failed partnership wasn’t something that I shared with my friends in fear of disappointing them with the news that a Uruguayan romance was off the table. However, I should have known my cousins better, because directly after the rehearsal I was introduced to my new potential “partner”. I say introI was certain if I duced, but really my cousin pointkissed someone, I ed at me, said my name, age (actually the would find out the same as his this time), and that I next morning that we was single (announced to the whole were, in fact, related. restaurant). I soon learned that he had little to no English, and my relationship status had not been understood. I don’t know how many times I was re-introduced to this poor man (pushed in front of him), and all we could exchange were some awkward polite smiles. A lovely man, I’m sure, but I was not going to be finding that out. The big day rolled around, and I found myself further questioning this notion of finding your partner at a wedding. By the time I had reached the diml y lit dance floor (optimal partner-finding time, apparently), I had had one too many drinks and I was certain if I kissed someone, I would find out the next morning that we were in fact related. During the dinner portion of the wedding, my cousin and I had been seated amongst a slew of couples. It seemed the majority of people had brought their partner, or had been in- vited via their partner. I was much too afraid to look anyone in the eye, in case their romantic plus one materialised behind me, and I found myself in an unwarranted fist fight. My cousin and I stuck quite closely to one another for the majority of the wedding until she too found a partner (miraculously not related to her), and I was left to fend for myself. This fending for oneself consisted of ordering drinks until I felt confident enough to dance with strangers (whether much dancing was achieved I would not know as I blacked out and was taken to A&E, but that is aside from the point). When the news broke the next day that I had in fact not kissed the man I had so much in common with (both single, both twenty one), I was met with a series of why nots. I pointed out that we had no way of communicating with one another, but as that apparently had nothing to do with kissing, my argument was swiftly shot down. There had been a bouquet toss at the wedding, and I had hidden at the back, in fear they’d force myself and that poor man to slow dance if I had caught it. Luckily, I can’t catch. However, I was still met with multiple cries of “it’ll be your wedding next”. Unless there isn’t another wedding for at least another ten years (and perhaps not another one ever), that would be incredibly unlikely. I had once mentioned that perhaps I’ll never get married, but that was just met with “of course you will, don’t be worried”. Why is it that we always respond to someone being single with pity or worry? Why is it that society sees a life without a partner as an unhappy one? Why can’t one be happy on their own?
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I’ve been asked on many occasions if I want kids (a question I feel women are asked a lot more than men), but no one ever asks if I want to get married. It seems to be something that is presumed. I think I’d like to get married if I met the right person at the right time, but I’d have to be certain. I’ve never understood this rush to get married at a certain age, to keep up with your friends. It seems foolish to do so with something that will impact your life so greatly. It seems ridiculous to me that everyone is expected to find their life partner all at the same point in their lives. Statistically speaking it should be almost impossible. With marriage, even relationships, comes great sacrifices and endless commitments. With modern dating culture, relationships are expensive and incredibly time consuming. There’s pressure on couples to go on lavish dates, buy one another costly gifts and go on trips abroad together. Technology and smartphones result in constant texting and video calls when in-person meetups can’t be arranged. It’s nearly impossible to set boundaries in relationships, to take time for oneself. Space i s always seen as a bad thing, as a sign that the relationship is on its last legs, but people need space sometimes, and having someone constantly on our minds can cause more distress than enjoyment. Society puts an abundance of pressure on young people (women in particular) to be married off, and to provide their parents with grandchildren. All throughout history spinsters have been blamed for their absence of a partner and looked down upon by society, deemed as being past their sell by date. In many East and Southeast Asian countries, a new concept of renting a romantic partner has appeared. Singletons who feel pressured to bring a date to events, and bring a partner to meet their parents, can now rent someone to pose as their loved one. For one to feel the need to go to such extremes to hide their lack of a relationship highlights the extensive levels of failure associated with being on your own. I can understand for financial reasons why having a partner can be a necessity, but if that’s not the case, why burden people with such unwarranted stress? Modern day technology allows for single parents to raise their own family, and they shouldn’t be expected to have a partner if they believe they are capable of managing on their own. I’ve pondered the question I was still met with of whether I want children many a time, and I’ve conmultiple cries cluded that it’s similar to that of “it’ll be your of my answer to marriage — if wedding next!” the time is right and I believe it’s the best thing for me, then sure. We should alter this mindset that getting married and having children is an automatic path that we take in life. Instead, it should remain like many of our decisions in life — just that, a decision. One that we make of our own accord, one we decide based on our own circumstances, wants and needs. Our choices in life should all lead to one thing, and that is personal happiness.
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CONFESSIONS OF A VALENTINE’S DAY BABY Ella Hussey shares how being born on the most romantic day of the year has shaped her perceptions of life and love
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was born on Valentine’s Day. A day that dates back to the eighth iday. They married and then on February 14th 2002, they had century, when Saint Valentine apparently had a feast. From my me. In a weird turn of events, my Mum’s college friend of 30 years
very basic Google search, I can’t really find one good reason went into early labour and subsequently had another Valentine’s why this day is specifically associated with baby. We are still called their ‘Vallove. I suppose someone decided to comentine’s Twins’. A running joke and a positive mercialise the day with Cupid, flowers, As the eldest child and at 12 cards etc, and somewhere along the way was that I always received a card days overdue, I naturally was a very everyone decided that they were okay with on Valentine’s Day, Day, one from my needed baby. However, for my poor it. I don’t blame them, however, I have forparents, a day that once celebrated mum and then another from my ever shared this day with Saint Valentine, their love for each other was now a for better or for worse. day of celebrating me. A new love mum I suppose it all started really with my parin which they both experienced ents. They met in a very well-known but since shut down night- together for the first time on Valentine’s Day, now rebranded to club, Tomangoes (very romantic guys). Valentine’s Day was a day ‘Ella’s Birthday’. Still to this day my Dad claims I was “the best of love, dates and flowers, specifically my Mum’s favourite: white Valentine’s Day present he ever received”. roses. My Dad used to work in town, so my Mum always reminiscGrowing up, my birthday had lots of pros and cons. A runes on the massive bouquets he would come home with on the hol- ning joke – and a positive – was that I “always received a card on
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Valentine’s Day”. Actually two cards, one from my mum and then another from my mum, since she made sure we would all wake up to a Valentine’s Day card. Another positive was that no one ever forgot what day my birthday was, even if it did always fall all on a midterm and I never got to bring a bag of sweets to share with Each year we spend my class. A negative our birthday together was that I was an atsurrounded by our closest tention seeking child and hated that my friends, I realise that birthday wasn’t just I was experiencing the love of my birthday. It was a 2 for 1 deal. Since, friendship through our endless I have grown up and conversations, laughs and now laugh at ninesupport for each other. year-old Ella. I feel as though I have learnt love in different ways from my birthday. A day notoriously associated with romantic love, I have realised that love can be celebrated in many forms. For example, through my friend, Niamh. We met in secondary school and quickly discovered our shared love of musicals and that we also had the same birthday. I have since learnt that Valentine’s Day is the most popular birthday in the first half of the year, but at the time we thought this was crazy. We have spent many birthdays together for the last eight or maybe nine years, and we will always have that bond, no matter what age we are. Each year we spend our birthday together surrounded by our closest friends, I realise that I was experiencing the love of friendship through our endless conversations, laughs and support for each other. Another notable birthday came last year when I turned 21 in New York. Being the first sibling to hit the milestone, the family decided we’d take a big trip to the Big Apple to celebrate. I am Although it can come extremely lucky to across to people as be able to have these memories of being ‘corny’ or ‘cheesy’, to together in America me the significance is the for the first time. I remember sitting in the sentiment: “I want to give you lobby of the hotel for a card because I love you and I ages with my Dad and actively choose you every day” brother complaining about how long my Mum and sister were taking to get ready. When I got back to my room after an evening of exploring, I walked in to see the entire room decorated with balloons, banners and gifts. I couldn’t help but burst into tears, thinking “this is the nicest thing that has ever happened to me”. It was the love from my family that I will never forget, the love that I’m lucky enough to be surrounded with every day.
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Now, I am about to turn 22 and for the first time in my life, I am experiencing the romantic side of Valentine’s Day. Spending my first Valentine’s with my boyfriend, I feel very grateful to have found a love so genuine and pure. I now understand the cards, chocolate and flowers which used to confuse me before. Although it can come across to people as ‘corny’ or ‘cheesy’, to me the significance is the sentiment of “I want to give you a card because I love you and I actively choose you every day”. It’s not actually about the gifts, it’s about what they mean. Audrey Hepburn said that “the best thing to hold onto in life is each other” and I agree. It is the love we experience in every form that should be celebrated on Valentine’s Day. I suppose I am by default a lover girl to my core, almost as if I was born on the day of love. So if you’re not experiencing romantic love on Valentine’s Day, look around. I find that love often hides in plain sight. There are always people around you who are actively showing that they love you every single day. I believe there is nothing more sincere than the love we show each other on the days that aren’t especially carved out for it. I am glad I’m born on Valentine’s Day – I doubt I would be the same person if I wasn’t.
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HOW TO GET THROUGH VALENTINE’S WITHOUT A BROKEN HEART OR A BROKEN BUDGET
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Ellen Duggan’s guide to being sentimental without splashing out
h, yes. Valentine’s Day. Because nothing says love like spending half your rent money on your partner. Eternal bliss notoriously depends on you getting them that box of chocolates. The key to matrimony is to possess enormous amounts of cash (as Jane Austen so notably recorded). That leaves those of us who are broke in a very, very unfortunate position. Obviously, there’s no way we could actually love our partner unless we are willing to bankrupt ourselves for them. If that doesn’t suit, guess you better break up! All things said, Valentine’s Day is a really sweet opportunity to give your partner something that they care about and to spend some time with them. Or, alternatively, to have a movie night with your flatmates. (Or, given that Valentine’s Day falls on Ash Wednesday this year, to go to mass.) So we here at UTZine have compiled a list of things you can do this Valentine’s Day that DON’T involve spending crazy amounts of money.
crafting is key! If I had a form of useful skill (knitting, baking, welding, bookbinding), I would be a much wealthier woman — not only because I would actually have a means of making money in the world, but because I would never buy anyone any gifts ever. I would simply create them. A one-of-a-kind gift that you’ve put thought and effort into will always mean more to someone than something they could easily get for themselves. Plus, they’ve got something to remember you by forever — and what’s more romantic than that?
propose on the spot. Dublin is home to many wonderful markets, including my personal favourites in Herbert Park and Dún Laoghaire. Tell your partner that you’re taking them on a surprise trip at the weekend, get onto the bus, and experiIf someone brought me on a surprise trip to the farm- ence the glory of loose fruit and veg, delicious baked treats er’s market for Valentine’s Day and bought me a coffee and and small book stalls and jewellery stands. Top it all off with some form of warm bread, I think I would lose my mind and a hot chocolate and a walk on the seafront… a dream date, all for under €20.
a trip to the farmers’ market?
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cook them a meal While being treated to a meal at a fancy restaurant is something very few people would say no to, it can be kind of harsh on your wallet. So why not see what you can whip up in the kitchen? Prepare the food, get a bottle of wine in Dunnes (or steal one from your family home) and have a quiet night in with your partner, complete with the beautiful meal you’ve just cooked for them. Plus, if you have leftovers, that’s lunch covered for the week.
have a girls’ night in Alright, we get it, someone loves you! No, yeah, of course I’m fine, why do you ask? But just because some of us aren’t coupled up it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t get to celebrate all the beautiful different forms of love in our lives. Gather your nearest and dearest (preferably one of whom has several subscriptions to different streaming services) and celebrate how much you all mean to one another. Watch a stupid movie! Have a crafting night! Bake a cake! Make a PowerPoint presentation on a topic of your choice! The world is your oyster.
make them a scrapbook Possibly the most beautiful and thoughtful gift I have ever received from someone was a scrapbook filled with photos, with little notes detailing the person’s thoughts at the time the photos were taken. If you want to make your partner feel adored, there’s no better way to produce a heartfelt gift that doesn’t cost the earth than going to Boots, printing off a few photos, and glueing them to the pages of a second hand book. Get some coloured sheets of paper to provide a caption for each picture and you’re sorted.
bring them to the family farm and get them to feed the lambs Okay, so maybe this one’s just me.
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BREAKING THE CYCLE: DATING IN YOUR PRESENT, NOT YOUR PAST Ellen Duggan’s guide to being sentimental without splashing out
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e all come with a past, but why should it stop us from alise the person had been cheated on, lied to, or broken up with experiencing new things, relationships, and more im- out of the blue. To those who have experienced these, it is easy to portantly love? I have found assume it’s fate or an ever-present part myself in a few situations – and situaof their story. Or, they tend to associEvery little thing the other person ate one bad thing which has happened tionships – where, even when all was going well, I still found myself overdid would be a reason to obsess obsess,, to them with another. For example, if thinking it. Every little thing the other someone has been cheated on fairly over-analyse and find ways to run person did would be a reason to obsess, recently, they might embark on a new away in case I got hurt again. again. over-analyse and find ways to run away relationship with trust issues which in case I got hurt again. Even when make proper communication difficult, everything they did was right, I would leading to their new partner abruptly still think it was all too good to be true. So, how does one over- breaking up with them. But this chain of unfortunate events does come those feelings? I think it all comes down to a few stages that not necessarily have to occur. a healing relationship has to go through. So how to break it? Find a person you actually trust. I have generally found it easier to date people I had been friends with beProblem of attachment fore we started forming any romantic relations. This way I already know them – I’ve seen them in a variety of situations and spoken The most obvious piece of baggage someone can bring into a new to them about their views and their past. I know how to communirelationship is one labelled ‘trust issues.’ You open it up and re- cate with them without unnecessary stress. Although it is different
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once you start dating, you still have some sort of foundation you boundaries and understand your expectations. Make time to talk, can lean on if your trust issues try to catch up with you. clarify what you need and remember that you need to respect your partner’s feelings as much as you expect them to do the same for Not pressuring yourself to be cured you. For example, if you want the other person to listen to you, be an active listener yourself. At the same time, don’t push yourself If they do, however, remember it’s not right to insist on feeling to open up to them; it might not come quickly or easily. If you’re ‘fine’. Getting over past relationships is a long and winding road feeling too overwhelmed, tell them. It’s not bad to not be ready to and it’s normal to stop along the way. It is so much worse to act talk. like you’re alright without feeling so. There will be ebb and flow to every relationship, no matter you or your Loving yourself partner’s past. The important thing to reIt might be that just when You have to learn to understand your feelmember is that just because you have found someone who makes you feel safe, doesn’t you least expect it, the right ings and not apologise for them. It’s impormean you are automatically healed. Never person is going to show up tant to heal your relationship with yourself mind how long you’ve been together, there before creating a bond with another perand help you experience a will come moments when your past experison. The journey is different for everyences resurface in your brain, and you will healthy relationship. Don’t run body, but what might help is to make time need a moment to gather yourself back tofor yourself. Try doing things you loved as away from them gether. a child, like painting or rewatching your favourite films. Spend time with your friends Not taking things personally and maybe for a while don’t stress about the romantic aspect of your life. If this happens it is important to take a step back and think about what has triggered you. It may have been a bad day, or a few un- Taking the plunge comfortable things happening in a short span of time. Your partner also might have said or done without meaning to. That’s why It might just be that when you least expect it, the right person is it is important not to limit yourself to your own thoughts, which going to show up and help you experience a healthy relationship. can be myopic and over-analytical. Although it’s hard to do, it is Don’t run away from them and try not to sabotage it; they won’t important to remember that not every comment is meant to be in- be acting nice to trick you and you will recognise it. Give in and let trusive or mean, some are just meant to be a comment. You have yourself be loved, because not every person is meant to hurt you, to learn to lower your guard and let the other person in for the some are meant to heal you. relationship to continue.
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Trusting them What helps (painstakingly obvious, I know) is trust. You have to believe the other person is not trying to hurt you, although this can be hard to do for people, who have been taken advantage of in the past. I had this problem before, but I think once the right person comes along you know you’re safe. You’ve got to look out for those little moments when your partner will be able to notice you’re not feeling okay, even when you’re wearing your ‘mask’. And you ought to be able to trust them enough that when they ask you what’s wrong, you can explain it without worrying. Having the talks It is possibly the hardest thing to do, but talking is a cornerstone of any relationship. Having a person who will want to know everything about you and will be willing to give you as much time as you need to tell them is not something that you should be lucky to have, it’s something you should expect. To make the hard conversations easier, it is important to set your
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find your TCD SOULMATE By Cleo Daly
1. What would be your idea of 2. Which of the following a perfect first date? would you consider the most A. Sharing an overpriced pint as you de- romantic... velop lung cancer outside a musty bar. B. Sitting on their yearly washed sheets as you wait for them to finish gaming. C. Having a meal in a fancy restaurant, which they offer to pay for. D. Watching paint dry (but together).
A. They write a play in your honour (it’s a one man play about their internal struggles, but like, it’s for you). B. They create a powerpoint presentation explaining why you should sleep with them. C. They don’t take five working days to respond. D. They only occasionally hit on your mum.
3. What is something you 4. What is the most attractive 5. What is your biggest turncan’t stand? trait in a potential partner? off? A. Capitalism and all those in power. B. Socialising.
A. Questionable facial hair
B. Having no friends of the opposite B. They write poetry to express their gender.
C. Being apart from the ones you love. D. Completing your degree.
A. They attend their lectures.
C. Loyalty. D. Being alive.
complex emotions. C. They don’t shower D.They enjoy spending time with you.
Keep track of your answers and see the page opposite to reveal where your one true love is lurking!
if the if the if the if the majority of majority of majority of majority of your your your your answers answers answers answers were ‘A ‘A’ were ‘B ‘B’ were ‘C ‘C’ were ‘D ‘D’
The Arts Block is the place for you. Your soulmate is most definitely shortening their lifespan outside in the smoking area, or busy displaying their thrift finds on the red couches while they miss their fourth class of the week (they only have four).
Off to the Hamilton you go. The one you’re searching for is in STEM. Your other half can be found locked away in the Hamilton library already on their third night, or in their lecture halls a half an hour early, because God forbid they’d miss a minute out of their 60 hour week.
Your one true love does not exist. They’re not out there so don’t go looking. Please lower your standards, there are no decent people left in this world.
You really must hate yourself. The students at Trinity are bad, but they’re not that bad. For such peculiar taste, it would be recommended to look for your soulmate elsewhere, such as UCD or DCU.
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