A Beginner’s Guide to
SELF LO LOVE AND RESPECT Love yourself enough to walk away. words: Emma Neenan | design: Leah Sullivan & Revati Mahurkar Self-love has somehow been turned from a positive to a sensitive topic that needs to be carefully discussed. People don’t want to seem “too conceited,” “too forward,” or “too selfish,” however, self-love is none of these things. Self-love is the things you like and dislike, the person you want to be, the friends you mesh best with, the traits you look for in a partner, and your desired lifestyle. Respect follows self-love. When you can fully love yourself you hold both yourself and others in your life to a higher standard, naturally. Speaking of standards, when you enter friendships and relationships aware of your worth and exactly what you bring to the table, you will be able to acknowledge that you are the prize in this situation. Viewing yourself as the prize does not mean you think you are better than other people. It simply means that you are aware of how lucky someone would be to be in a relationship with you. Choosing to spend your time, effort, emotions, and energy on someone should not be taken lightly. Where you choose to place your energy, or more importantly who you choose to spend it on, will directly affect you. If you spend time pouring yourself into someone who doesn't love you (romantically or platonically) in the way you desire, you are only hurting yourself. Everyone in your life will inevitably affect who you are, the mannerisms you adapt and phrases you find yourself saying are a direct reflection of who is in your life. More importantly, if you surround yourself with people who view you highly, you will also carry this mindset through your day-to-day thoughts. And those people will never allow you to be mistreated. Friendships or relationships that are polluted with jealousy and competition will never last in the long run, and spending time with these people will most likely leave you feeling bad about yourself. Everyone has been there, when you are hanging out with that one friend that you know is not looking out for your best interest. This is not normal, friendships and relationships should add to your life, not make you question your every word. You are worth the quality of friendships and relationships, where you know that in a room full of people, they would talk so highly about you. Cutting people and situations off and saying no can be so daunting, but we are here to tell you that it is ok to be selfish. Being selfish is painted in such a negative light, however it does not always consist of screwing people over. Being selflessly selfish is a concept that should be engraved in all of our brains when we are left wondering about that on-again, off-again friendship or
relationship. This way of thinking focuses on making decisions that both benefit and fulfill your life. Saying no to people who take and take may initially be uncomfortable. This is because they are so used to you saying yes and being there to give yourself and your time to them fully. When you say no they may be offended because they are so used to you cooperating under their terms. However, how someone reacts to you choosing what is best for you tells you everything that you need to know about that friendship or relationship. Anyone who truly loves and cares will never punish you for doing what is best for you. Choosing to end those onesided relationships and focus on the people who treat you the way you deserve is the highest form of self-love and respect. You view yourself too highly to be put in a situation that makes you feel as if you are worth less than you are. You would never take a job offer that completely underpays you for your skills, you would simply apply somewhere else. This is the same situation as the people and relationships we choose to surround ourselves with. Do not stay in situations with people who do not view you as worthy of the best treatment and care. Not feeling 100% about a situation can make leaving a situation seem difficult. Walking away from someone who seems ok but does not truly love you the way you are looking to be loved can be so difficult. But remember that someone does not have to cheat on you, lie to you, or act rude towards you for you to walk away. Not being completely sure about someone is just as valid of an excuse to end that relationship or situationship as finding a press that isn't yours in his bed. Carrying the skills of self-love and respect throughout your life will allow you to attract people who view you just as highly as you view yourself. It may push some people away, however, it is important to realize that the people who are being pushed most likely did not play a role in building you up in the first place. Carrying these traits will allow you to connect with people and situations that align with what you desire most. Leaving that job that pays you half of what you had anticipated may seem intimidating. Ending a relationship where someone does not truly value and cherish you may make you sad at first. Choosing to end a friendship with someone you were once close with may seem like the wrong decision when you first do it. However, the feelings that come after making the decision that was made with self-love and respect for you, are worth all of the initial uncomfortable emotions.