Team Hager Our Journey Together

By Bethany Hager

Myfriend and I were out celebrating my 30th birthday when I met Lloyd… A few months later we were happily engaged, and in a whirlwind of love, we whisked ourselves off to Las Vegas to say “I do” in front of Elvis!

Newly married, living in a small, cramped 500 sq ft apartment, we spent most of our time working. I was an Art Instructor, with a Bach- elor’s of Science in Art Education and five year’s experience teaching under my belt. I was fully independent and enjoying my career and lifestyle. Lloyd had a few months to go with his current assignment and was waiting on his next set of military orders. During his down time, he made a wonderful house husband. I came home to a clean house and he had dinner waiting when I got home from work. I could see myself living happily ever after like this!

So applying young couple logic, we both made the decision to follow his military career, and I quit my job. Together, he and I were off to see the world and find where this journey would take us!

South Carolina

Fast forward many, many years later to 2016, and we thought we hit the jackpot! We were thrilled to get three-year orders to South Carolina! This was our tenth duty station. By then, I was getting tired of relocating all the time and we had three energetic girls who were in elementary and middle school. This seemed to be a great place for us.

Yay, I thought, I’m finally going back to the South. With three years to stay put, I can teach again! I would have time to unpack, settle in, relax, and decorate a house. We bought a cute little house, with a big backyard for the girls to play in. It’s situated across the street from the water, so of course, we had to buy a boat! Just to add to our list of toys, we also got a little pink golf cart to drive around the neighborhood.

For the first three months, we got really cozy, then we received a congratulatory phone call that we were going to relocate to California! I was in tears! I just couldn’t believe it. The first thing that popped into my mind was that I should not have considered settling down. I would have preferred to live on base if we were only going to be there for less than a year and would not have purchased a house. I reflected on how much we had invested into all those things to make South Carolinia our home. At that point, I was mentally exhausted wrapping my head around the idea of packing up again.

As I was crying, I was also totally dreading telling the girls. I asked myself, “How in the world do I tell the girls we are moving again, when we just got here?”

While I was attempting to mentally prepare myself to tell the girls the shocking news, it spilled out.

“Daddy got orders to move to California!” To my surprise, without missing a beat, all three screamed in unison, “Yay!!! Hollywood here we come!”

I’ll never forget the excitement they showed that morning, the thrill of three little ones jumping up and down in joy. These girls were right back onto another adventure! Selfishly, I had to ask: “Are you sure? Daddy can go one year unaccompanied and we don’t have to pack up and move again.”

They insisted that they didn’t want to leave daddy. “He can’t go to California all alone,” they said. It’s team Hager! The reaction gave me so much strength to do this all over again. My little girls showed me that sticking together is best for our family. They gave me the strength to focus on enjoying what was left of our South Carolina tour.

As time moved on, I remained frustrated about the idea that we were leaving South Carolina. We had met wonderful neighbors and the girls were in a good school. Plus, I was exhausted! At that point, we had many moves under our belt over a short period of time. One year at a schooling program in Washington DC, two years in Hawaii, two years again in Washington DC and now one year in South Carolina. So many places I felt like I was losing count! I have to keep a detailed list on my computer, just to help me remember!

The fact was, if we kept moving at that rate, we might as well just live in a mobile home. So I told my husband, if we are all going together as a family, pets and all, let’s sell everything and get an RV! So we did. We sold just about everything and traded in his paid-off Toyota Tundra for a 34 ft RV, that he could drive while I made sandwiches and everyone could use the restroom on the go!

Summer of 2017 we packed the huge rig up with three wild pre-teenage girls, a tiny puppy, an elderly cat and a vicious green-cheeked conure bird. California or bust!

We drove down the I-95 to the I-10 and headed West, parking our RV on friends’ driveways as often as possible—we felt like cousin Eddie from the National Lampoon's Family Christmas! Along the way, we experienced all types of RV parks and now have a zillion stories and many wonderful, funny, lasting memories.

California

We arrived safely in California and parked our RV right on the beach, where the girls could enjoy as much of the summer as possible. Before we knew it, we found a house in Temecula. Lloyd had a beautiful drive to and from work, the girls could walk to their new schools and I could enjoy a swimming pool with a view of the mountains. When Lloyd was available on holidays, we drove that RV up and down the beautiful coastal areas of California. Our two years were quickly up, and Lloyd was accepted to the Army War College.

I thought, here we go again, another one-year assignment. I found myself asking the girls, “Do you want to stay in sunny California and daddy can go unaccompanied for one year or do you want to go to Pennsylvania for one year?” ally unloaded into our temporary historical home in downtown Carlisle.

The girls were absolutely not letting daddy go alone. There you have it, we were planning our next great journey across the USA.

Lloyd was very busy with school and the girls and I were enjoying the historic town of Carlisle, when halfway through our year in Pennsylvania, the COVID pandemic hit. The Army War College and the kids’ school were shut down and both became an online experience.

We tried to focus on positivity. Our family bonded. We even had the unique experience of watching daddy grow a beard. The girls have the RV so that we could pack ourselves up and take off to our next destination.

Pennsylvania

Along our merry way, we drove the RV North along the California coast up into Oregon, then along the upper part of the USA — a new experience for us. We stopped to see more friends and family along the way and eventu- plays and making indoor games. The girls loved preparing lovely fancy dinners for Lloyd and me where we had to dress in fancy gowns — us adults dove into creating new cocktails for ourselves called “kick covid-Emergen-C martinis!”

With all this creativity busting throughout our house, we were also packing and preparing our house for our next adventure. We were very excited to get threeyear orders to Okinawa! My third daughter was born at Lester Hospital, the U.S. Naval Hospital at Okinawa. The girls grew up listening to Okinawa stories, so much so, that we always wanted to go back, so they could experience it for themselves. Obviously we couldn’t take the RV overseas. We were extremely lucky and found a wonderful family who were happy to maintain it while we are gone. We tried to get our dogs plane tickets, however due to COVID, the airlines canceled our pet travel with very little notice. So, in order to keep the team together, Lloyd rented a large van to drive to Seattle. We loaded it up with three teenagers, a 65-pound energetic poodle, a 7-pound tiny silky terrier and all our luggage.

This was all happening during lockdowns, a scary pandemic, can

I say, the aura was post-apocalyptic…we were nervous!

Okinawa

After an exhausting journey, we arrived safely and we were greeted graciously in Okinawa. Finally, we could relax! We were 99% percent sure that we were staying in Okinawa for three years. There’s no chance, well maybe a 1% chance, of anything happening! We dove into our living arrangement. My oldest was driving her and her new friends to Kubasuki High School in her cute little pink Japanese car. My other two were running around the neighborhood with their new besties and walking to malls, shopping at the Daiso. Together as a family, we were hiking, snorkeling, zip lining, driving to the beach, walking around American Village — we were living the Okinawa dream. A few months into settling comfortably in Okinawa, the 1% chance of us relocating happened. Lloyd was selected for a prestigious position in South Korea.

I was excited about the idea of living in Korea, we could not pass this experience up! But, how would I tell the girls? I bought a beautiful piece of local art, wrapped it up and attached a card. Written inside the card was “Explore all you can now, because this summer we are moving to KOREA!”

I had one crying, one mad and my oldest who gave in and shouted “Yes! 12th grade, 12th school.. Let’s do this!” I really did think that relocating to Korea would be good news, but the reaction of my two youngest daughters broke my heart, so I told them, “We have an option, Lloyd can go for one year unaccompanied, that way us girls can stay here!” All three didn’t skip a beat, “We are all going with dad!” All I could think was wow, my daughters have always had the “let’s do this” attitude and the strength to ride out this roller coaster of a lifestyle, as a family.

South Korea

So then, we found ourselves living in South Korea and residing on the quaintest little military base called Camp Walker with our three teenage daughters who all attended Daegu Middle High School and two dogs that drive me crazy. There is a great community here, particularly with the spouses that tie us all together and an amazing school that is always finding ways to keep all of the students involved. The Evergreen Golf Course is great for golf but also as a venue for homecoming, prom, and Command events. Night golf as a family was one of the best MWR events we have seen across all thirteen duty stations we have called home. Our two years have flown by and our tour will end soon. Yup, here we go again, we are moving this summer! Uprooting ourselves from another good home. We move every one to two years. A constant motion of packing up the house, unloading the house and doing it all over again. As we prepare for our move, I ponder, how in the world do we handle this lifestyle? I came up with five things that have gotten my Team Family through it:

My Past Experience

As I reflect, I think that I might have always been drawn to a nomadic lifestyle. After high school graduation, I spent a few years at a small college, then transferred to a larger university. I found my first job as a teacher’s aide, before landing my career of choice in North Carolina, far away from where I grew up in Pittsburgh. While I was a teacher, I relocated from apartment to apartment, before bumping into Lloyd on Front Street in Wilmington, NC

FAMILY & FRIENDS

Growing up, my father always insisted that there is so much more out there in the world and to always go explore: “Life is outside the house! Go experience life! Never stop moving!” At one point in my father’s life, he himself was an expat living in Costa Rica. He passed away years ago, and since then, I have had no one else on my side of my family. I directed my focus solely on my little family; Lloyd and the girls, along with the support from Lloyd’s parents.

When the girls and I are not exploring, we get involved in the community, enjoying all our new friendships. I’ve had such pleasure meeting spouses from all over the world! The military spouse community really is a family. Positive or negative, my military spouses have all taught me some valuable things that I will carry with me forever. We make each other stronger, smarter, and more resilient.

WHERE’S HOME?

Remember the AFN commercial where the lady is asked, “So, where are you from?” and the other lady starts naming all her duty stations, or place of birth and so on? That's us!

Relocating 13 times over the 22 years of being a military wife, I have called a lot of places home! So I focus on my girls and whatever the current country or state that we reside in.

Don’t ask my girls where they are from, it’s terribly confusing! I would say, “home” is being a part of the community you are in. It is made up of the people you choose as the friends you are currently hanging with, or the ones we adopt along the way that we choose as family.

I was watching a movie with Lloyd the other day where there was a scene in Colombia. It reminded me of my friend Lena, a spouse in DC, who now lives there. Our home has spread around the world, on many different contents. There is a positive effect of the diversity that makes up our home around the world.

Get Involved

You can get involved in just about anything your heart desires! The sky's the limit now, just look on Facebook you will find all kinds of activities. On base, you have welcome briefs, signups for clubs, and spouses’ groups where you can meet new people who are in the same position as you. Lloyd and I love to host monthly events at our house or local restaurants. It is a great way to introduce new people coming into the community and to say farewell to folks heading off to their next duty station.

My girls have had awesome opportunities to play school sports that they would not have had anywhere else, and the variety of sports have been amazing. At different duty stations they have played field hockey, lacrosse, golf, soccer, and even some skiing and surfing. There are great opportunities in sports on base for adults as well. Lloyd and I have gone to the gym and even did yoga at a couple of duty stations.

Find a church, no matter what your religion is, the doors are open for participation in things like vacation bible school and chapel events. Even if you have not had any experience with church growing up, the chapel is a great place to meet nice welcoming people in a new community.

Find a hobby. While stationed in Hawaii, it was fun to take private golf lessons and split the cost with another friend. I had many friends who enjoyed this activity with me and we all made some great memories!

Travel, there are some great opportunities, especially while overseas to visit some great places. The local travel office has packages built to meet just about every interest.

Thinking About What Keeps Us Going

Over the 22 years of living this nomadic lifestyle, sometimes I'm surprised that I haven’t decided to jump ship! It’s probably due to the fact that early on, Lloyd and I decided that once this particular lifestyle becomes undesirable, and we both find no joy out of it, we will get out—we will stay together as a team, Team Hager. Lloyd and I established ourselves as teammates. We balance each other out, he works well on certain things and I do well on other things.

We have been through thick and thin together, constantly talk about our future together, and benefit from three girls that seem to like the element of surprise. I started a little tradition by surprising the girls when we get our orders. We create a dream list of places to go see, and they get a kick out of the presentation of a gift box, opening it and inside reading a note to see if their dream location is our next destination.

I personally love to dive into the research of a new area. Finding new schools, new homes, and new activities that the girls can get involved with and building ideas of fun things we will do at our next home. I always ask the girls to choose our new lifestyle— do we want to be city girls? Or country girls? Do we want to be beach surfing girls? Live on base or off base? The girls love to get involved with the decision making. Plus, what’s more fun than to decorate their new rooms!

Time is flying by really fast these days. My oldest flew the nest last year and now is off in college. My middle child graduates next year and my youngest has two years left in high school. Lloyd’s mandatory retirement date is creeping up on us, it will arrive before we know it. We have been doing this lifestyle for so long… We’ve created memories to last us a couple of lifetimes. My heart tells me, we’ve been doing this nomadic lifestyle for so long, it will be difficult to stop this rollercoaster!

We’ve created so many wild, fun stories, it’s been an amazing journey and I will miss these adventures we made as a family. But right now, I am focusing on our next plan, as we get ready to pick up our RV and embark on our next adventure!

Beenies Journey Summer 2023