Meaningful Connection to Fight

By Bisirat “B” Sium, USAG-H EAPC

InKorea, the word “heojeonhada” (국어의 로마자) captures or expresses those feelings or the state of being lonely. When we feel isolated or perceive ourselves to be disconnected from the groups or people in our environment, we may also be engaging in “social isolation,” which is the voluntary or involuntary absence of contact with others. This isolation or disconnection breeds feelings of emptiness, low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression and is prevalent in many countries and communities. In Japan, 1.5 million young adults are reclusive and engage in this extreme social isolation and are known as “hikikomori” (ひきこもりor 引キコムリ). According to a recent report on CNN (14 April 2023), the Ministry of Gender Equality and Family in South Korea announced in March 2023 that it would provide $650,000 (about $500USD) per month to young social recluses to support them to “re-enter society”. The ministry reports that about 3.1% of South Koreans aged 19-39 are lonely and reclusive with 40% beginning their isolation in adolescence. This stipend is available to young people aged 9-24 in households below the median national income of 5.4 million won (about $4156/month for a household of four).

Recent reports from the Army Public Health Center and the 2022 Suicide Prevention and Response Independent Review Committee (SPRIRC) found that isolation was one of the leading risk factors for suicides in Korea. An epidemiological study conducted in 2020 by the Army Public Health looking at Behavioral Health and Social Outcomes data for Korea from April 2019 to March 2020 found that loneliness was a significant contributing factor to suicides and other mental health problems. 39% of the 7,134 soldiers surveyed reported experiencing loneliness, 77% of the soldiers who had suicidal thoughts also felt lonely, and 55% of those who reported few or no relationships or social support felt lonely. Similarly, a recent Harvard national survey of 950 Americans found that 36% of respondents reported feeling lonely frequently, almost all the time, or all the time. This number almost doubles for those aged 18-25 to 61%. Psychology

Today reports that 73% of Gen Z (those born 1997-2012) report feeling alone sometimes or always.

Army Public Health defines loneliness as “the perception of being isolated or disconnected from other people.” The American Psychological Association (APA) defines loneliness as “affective and cognitive discomfort or uneasiness from being or perceiving oneself to be alone or otherwise solitary.” Social scientists describe this as a major public health crisis and an epidemic that began before COVID but has worsened since. In a 2018 Pew Research Center survey found that one in ten Americans reported feeling lonely frequently and in 2020 through 2022 during COVID, that number had jumped to one in four Americans. However, recent results from the Gallup National Health and Well-Being Index survey show slight declines in reported loneliness by Americans since the lifting of COVID restrictions.

The effects of loneliness are not only psychological or emotional; research indicates that there are detrimental health impacts such as increased risk of heart disease, stroke, dementia, weakened immune system, poor sleep quality and premature death. Further, loneliness can be felt and experienced even if we are not physically or socially isolated from others. For example, have you or someone you know expressed to you how they were surrounded by people or were in a social gathering, but felt utterly alone? Social proximity does not mean or equate to meaningful connection or a sense of belonging. So, this begs the question, how do we minimize feelings of loneliness and build connection with others.

In his book, The Loneliness Cure (a product of 20+ years of research), communication and relationship expert Dr. Kory Floyd offers these six strategies for finding real connection:

1. Be open to receiving affection;

2. Invite and model the type of relationship you seek;

3. Recognize diversity in affection displays;

4. Nurture a variety of affectionate relationships;

5. Beware of toxic affection;

6. Be optimistic but realistic.

The Department of Defense (DOD) Human Performance Resource center recommends the following steps to combat loneliness:

1. Make a one-on-one connection by talking about your day with a friend or relative;

2. Increase your opportunity for social connection;

3. Be curious about others and focus on those around you.

4. Adopt a pet, if possible;

5. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, build meaningful relationships with a variety of different groups;

6. Practice Mindfulness.

We can fight loneliness by creating and seeking opportunities for healthy, meaningful connection. Particularly in overseas assignments, we must find our “tribe” or people we connect with that we enjoy spending time with or who can provide us support and friendship, and vice-versa. Another recommendation from social scientists is also learning to enjoy or embrace time alone to decrease insecurities in social situations by developing self-awareness and social competence.

In their book The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book, Bradberry and Greaves emphasize the need for understanding the thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that accompany our feelings of discomfort in social situations so that we may understand and learn to reduce the intensity of those feelings and question the validity of any irrational thoughts or resulting behaviors or anxieties. Increasing self-care, finding healthy hobbies, or ways to serve others is also an effective way of building self-awareness and confidence to help you seek and engage your “tribe” or new circle of friends. This can be accomplished by seeking and engaging in activities, hobbies, or any groups of interest on or off the installation (see the resources below to find available activities/supports). You also can be the catalyst to positive change in your units, offices or communities by initiating or creating opportunities or healthy social engagement groups where people can gather in a shared experience they enjoy, build connection, develop friendships, and create support networks that would help build your “tribe” or “bujog” (부족)

Resilience/Wellness Support Resources

For Free counseling and Resources: Employee Assistance Program Coordinator: DSN: 755-1086 or 0503-355-1086

For info on your MFLC or Volunteer Opportunities: Army Community Service; DSN: 757-2363 or 0503-357-2363

For community events/volunteer opportunities, please contact your volunteer coordinator at ACS: https://humphreys.armymwr.com/programs/army-community-service/ army-volunteer-corps https://www.facebook.com/acs.humphreys

For all DFMWR activities: https://humphreys.armymwr.com/ https://humphreys.armymwr.com/happenings/fitness-class-schedule

For fun activities and volunteer opportunities, contact the USAG-H BOSS program at DSN: 757-1647 or FB page at: https://www.facebook. com/humphreysboss

For volunteer and connection opportunities: Humphreys USO: https://www.facebook.com/uso.humphreys/ https://korea.uso.org/humphreys-maudehall https://korea.uso.org/humphreys-sentryvillage

For volunteer opportunities; Humphreys Red Cross: https://www.facebook.com/HumphreysARC/

For list of available spiritual activities: please visit the Religious Support Office FB page at: https://www.facebook. com/HumphreysChapel

For the books mentioned in the article and other books on resilience, self-care, and personal growth: please visit your local library: https://humphreys.armymwr.com/programs/duke-memorial-library

For free nutritional/fitness services: Army Wellness Center: DSN: 737-5758 or 0503-337-5758

For 24/7 support for service members and dependents: Military One Source: https://www.militaryonesource.mil/

For additional resources: Army Resilience Directorate: https://www.armyresilience.army.mil/

If your isolation/loneliness persists and you experience thoughts of suicide, please reach out to the 24/7 Crisis Lifeline at DSN: 988 or 0808-555-118