Love Thy Neighbor (AND THYSELF)

Written by Tia Sparks

Designed by Wesley Harwood

The opening scenes of the play Les Misérables are always emotional: Jean Valjean’s backstory, his release from prison, his subsequent homelessness. When I watched the play for the first time, I sighed with relief when he came to the Bishop’s house, a place that would shelter him for the night. When I read the book several years later, I learned just how deep the Bishop’s compassion for others was. The author, Victor Hugo, describes him navigating rural, poor France, writing that “the sadness which reigned everywhere was but an excuse for unfailing kindness.”1 The Bishop filled his days with works of charity, serving the poor in every capacity. However, he was careful not to exhaust himself. He particularly loved to spend his evenings gardening or reading books, remarking that with “a garden to walk in and immensity to dream in,” he could want for nothing.2 Even amidst a life dedicated wholly to the service of others, the Bishop found time to spend caring for himself. As college students, we are prone to let others occupy much of our time and emotional energy. While this pattern is not inherently a bad thing, in my experience it often comes at the expense of my own care and stewardship of myself. During my freshman year at UNC-Chapel Hill, I was so focused on finding

“my people” and cultivating close friendships with people I had just met that I would often neglect my schoolwork until the last minute, leaving me racing to finish it and sacrificing precious sleep in the process. This year, while I have gotten better about not leaving my work until the last minute, I still struggle with being what my mom calls a “fixer” and taking on my friends’ struggles and problems, letting them impact my own emotional health. “But isn’t this a good thing?”

I ask myself. “Aren’t we supposed to love others and care about their struggles?” I challenge my mom. Yes and yes. It is a good thing to spend time with your friends, to love them, and to care about the challenges they are facing. Jesus teaches us that the second greatest commandment is “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). Loving each other, therefore, is never wrong. However, I have found in my personal experience that I love others much more fully and that I am able to care for them more effectively when I take time for myself - emotionally, physically, and spiritually. The legal maxim nemo dat quod non habet (one does not give what one does not have) applies well to my spiritual life, too. If I am unrested, neglecting my prayer life, or stressed about something else, then I will not be as equipped to listen to, love, and support my friends. If I fail to cultivate my garden, it will not bear as much fruit.

However, Christian culture, especially on college campuses, can unintentionally emphasize love for others at the expense of taking care of yourself. We are constantly encouraged to take care of our friends, to walk with them in hard times, and to always be there for them. All of these things are important, and none of them are wrong. However, I find that we focus on orienting ourselves outward while forgetting that selfcare is an important component of loving our neighbors well. This is not unique to Christian culture; despite a recent emphasis on mental health on college campuses, students tend to overexert themselves in the care of others, while neglecting to take care of their own physical, mental, and spiritual health. If I choose to take care of a friend at the expense of my own rest or my own mental health, that friend may feel loved in that moment. However, neglecting my self-care will, in the long run, leave me tired. It will leave me with less energy - physical, emotional, and spiritualwith which to love my friends. For me, much of my self-care happens in the mornings. I spend an hour or so before my first class making myself a cup of tea, journaling, studying the Bible, or spending time in prayer. I have found that reserving this time for my own self-care makes a huge difference in my outlook on the day. Since I have started my tea time in the mornings, I find that I am more patient, diligent in my work, and loving toward others. Taking time for myself is not an act of selfishness but rather an investment in myself so that I can better serve others - what I was made to do.

To a General Audience, Pope Francis urged the public to view resting not as “a mere escape or diversion, but a command to imitate God himself, who on the seventh day rested from his works and contemplated the goodness of his creation.”3 He emphasized that resting and self-care are not selfish, but an integral part of our spiritual journey. However, distinguishing between self-care and self-indulgence can sometimes be difficult. As Jesus teaches in Matthew, we can evaluate the morality of an action by its effects. Jesus taught that “every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit” (Matthew 7:17). There are no hard and fast rules about which actions constitute self-care and which tend toward self-indulgence, so we must judge them by their fruits. If an act of taking time for yourself leads you to be more loving toward others, a good fruit, it is likely healthy selfcare. However, self-indulgent actions are those that bear bad fruits: ones of pride, lack of consideration for others, or laziness. The distinction is different for everyone, and it takes some trial and error to find the kinds of self-care that work well for you and to distinguish them from habits that lead you toward selfishness.

Throughout the Bible, God instructs us about the importance of rest, both through the commandment to rest on the Sabbath and through the portrayal of rest as a gift from God. In Genesis 2:2-3, the origin of the Sabbath rest is revealed: it is an imitation of God himself to obey the commandment to rest on the seventh day of the week. Furthermore, Psalm 23 makes it clear that rest is not just a command, but a gift from God, as the psalmist rejoices that “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul” (Psalm 23:1-2). Jesus himself, the perfect example of how we should live our lives, often fulfilled this commandment and enjoyed this precious gift by to do their work in the future, so he encouraged them to take some time by themselves. Given the enormity of Jesus’ mission, I assume he constantly felt that there was more to accomplish, but he knew that he and his disciples both needed time to rest and renew themselves, so they could continue their work. This lesson is good, not just for the apostles, but for all people in all times.

By taking time to cultivate my garden - spiritually, physically, and emotionally - I become better equipped to love my neighbors. In our world today, we are often pulled to choose between love of neighbor and care of ourselves, but Jesus reminds us that we are called to be personal stewards just as much as we are called to love each other. We taking the time to recharge through nourishment, prayer, or rest. After one of Jesus’ most well-known miracles, the feeding of the 5,000, he was swarmed by people wanting to speak with him. However, Jesus and the apostles were exhausted because of the miracles Jesus had been performing, so he urged them to “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest” (Mark 6:30-32). Had they stayed behind, they could have talked to more people or even performed more miracles, but Jesus knew that they needed to eat and rest in order will always feel tension between our mission to love others and our need to take care of ourselves, but living into this tension reveals that selfcare can help us to love our neighbors more fully. Like in the Bishop’s mission to serve the poor of rural France, there will always be more for us to accomplish. However, we will not accomplish it any faster by neglecting to take care of ourselves.

TIA SPARKS Class of 2021 Business Administration