COLUMNIST – KATHY CLUGSTON More Power To Her Elbow

Kathy Clugston

Kathy Clugston is a freelance radio presenter. She chairs the long-running BBC Radio 4 programme ‘Gardeners’ Question Time’ and presents the weekly entertainment show ‘The Ticket’ on BBC Radio Ulster.

MORE POWER TO HER ELBOW

This month, Kathy Clugston discusses finding the joy in life during the mundanity of lockdown.

“I’ve nothing much to report...” How often did we hear those words as we phoned or video-called our friends and relatives? Those of us lucky enough to have escaped illness, bereavement and unemployment now find ourselves aggravated by no one having any news to share that does not pertain to those three dreadful life events. No excruciating date stories, no nights at the theatre to recommend, no scandalous goings-on at the office party. The internet has been the saviour of so many of us who are parted from loved ones, but online socialising just isn’t the same. Group chats can make you feel oddly self-conscious and always go on far too long. It’s the casual, everyday contact we miss: speculating about the weather at the bus stop, exchanging ideas with a colleague in the canteen, swapping stories with an acquaintance at choir/ bingo/class, sympathising with someone in a waiting room - all these seemingly unremarkable interactions that root us in our neighbourhood and make us feel part of society at large. There is mounting evidence that the loss of these so-called ‘weak ties’ is doing us absolutely no good at all.

Anyway, I did actually have some news to share this week. I got what is possibly one of the best text messages I’ve ever received. It said “Are you able to talk to Adrian Dunbar this morning?” I can’t think of any circumstance, barring unconsciousness, in which the answer would be no. There was a brief panic when I realised I was still in my pyjamas with vertical hair. Nothing an aggressive brush, a dab of lipstick and a cardigan couldn’t sort. For Adrian, I might even throw in a quick swipe of the oxters. “Yrs,” I typed frantically “Yrs pleaae!” hoping my Radio Ulster producer would get the gist. And a short time later, my Zoom screen pinged and there he was: crisp of shirt, twinkly of eye and luxuriant of hair. He was there to talk about the life of his hero and mentor, the late actor James Ellis, and shared some fond memories of him. I tentatively nudged him into Line of Duty territory - how could I not? - and he graciously let me, skilfully deflecting anything that might betray the merest hint of plot. It must be so stressful keeping it all a secret. He spoke about the parallels between Ted Hastings and Bert Lynch, the character played by Ellis in the long-running police series Z-Cars, and happily admitted to “cribbing” from Ellis’ performance. A picture of the pair of us - him languid, me grinning like a loon - went straight onto social media and into the inboxes of every person I know. You’ve got to spread the joy, haven’t you?

Talking of joy, I have found a new love: the pressure washer. How did I not know about the great happiness this item can bring? When I was growing up, it was the men who always elbowed their way to the power tools. We might get hold of a screwdriver or a hammer but the drill, the hedge trimmer, the chainsaw? No chance. It has nothing to do with preserving our safety, or our delicate little hands not being big enough, it’s because these tools are THE BEST FUN EVER. Since I dug the pressure washer out from under the old hoses and bits of tarpaulin in my Mum’s garage, I’ve barely stopped. The area at the back of my house is mainly flagstones: you could eat your dinner off it now. There is nothing quite as satisfying as seeing little patterns of brightness emerge through decades-old dirt as you work your way methodically over each slab, schooshing algae and weeds into oblivion. Then you can set about the plant pots, the window sills, the car… By the end of it, you have dirty eyeballs and are soaked from hair root to toe tip, but what a sense of achievement! I have my eye on the masonry drill and the electric sander next. I’ve got the power now and there’s no stopping me.

Illustration by Jacky Sheridan

THIS MONTH’S OBSESSIONS:

Dead Eyes: – A podcast by the American actor Conor Ratcliff, in which he unpicks the experience of being fired from the TV series Band of Brothers by Tom Hanks, who reportedly said he had ‘dead eyes’. A great insight into the workings of Hollywood. Brussels sprouts: - I am inexplicably addicted. I buy them frozen, roast for 10 minutes then douse in olive oil and salt and cook for another 20 minutes. I sometimes add balsamic vinegar and parmesan shavings at the end if I’m feeling fancy. Unravelling Oliver - The Irish crime writer Liz Nugent’s first novel is a psychological journey into the making of a sociopath as seen through the eyes of his wife and wider circle.