STACEY HEARTFORD

Forces & FCDO Education Consultant, Panoba

Dandelions - The military child at boarding school

Children of the armed forces are often described as Dandelions, bright and sunny, hardy, resilient. They spend their childhood blowing on the winds of change, putting down roots wherever they are taken. Most military children have experienced multiple postings, deployments and separations, stoically accepting disruption and change as the regular norm.

On the surface you might not even notice a military child is any different to his or her civilian counterpart. They appear outgoing, lively, enthusiastic, but their emotional needs will be much greater than you realise. They are used to moving at the drop of a hat and have extended family they rarely see. They miss relationships with grandparents and cousins, and they are used to going for lengthy periods without one of their parents, sometimes both. It is true, they make extremely valuable additions to a boarding environment. They are experienced at welcoming new friends, having lost and gained so many before. They are acutely aware of how it feels to be separated from immediate and extended family and readily lend themselves as an empathetic ear to a homesick friend.

According to the 2023 Independent School’s Council (ISC) Report, there are currently 4570 HM forces students boarding in UK Schools. Of the 3442 British pupils with parents living outside the UK this year, many will be from military families stationed overseas. Although some military families will choose a guardianship company it is common to source a school near family or friends. Guardianship becomes the responsibility of a familiar person, trusted to be there when parents are not able. Just like their international friends, at the end of term, some of those students may even have to make the journey “home” alone.

Have you considered that a military child’s’ “home” address is likely to change between 3 and 5 times in 10 years? This can make the return “home” from school during holidays an alienating and displacing experience.

Harris is a boarder whose parents returned to the UK from their Cyprus base at short notice; the move took place while Harris was at school, almost 3000 miles away.

“We’d been in Cyprus since I was 9 and it felt weird that I’d never go back. I didn’t get to say goodbye to our house or my friends. When I went to the new house at Easter everything was unfamiliar. It didn’t feel like home. I’d no one to hang-out with and nowhere to go. I’d lost my independence. I couldn’t wait to get back to school”.

What you may not realise is that many of these military children began their boarding journey at just 8 years old. For parents whose moves are widespread and frequent, the need to provide a stable home from home for their child is paramount. Research conducted in 2018 by Winchester University on behalf of the Service Childrens Progression Alliance (SCiP) suggests that regular school changes can be damaging, leading to gaps and repetition in a child’s education. As a result of parental mobility, military children can struggle to progress in line with their civilian peers. The research also recognises that military children are more likely to hold on to their fears and emotional stress rather than share with another.

My own military children aged 8 and 10 have just started their 4th Primary School. It’s been so hard for them to adapt and adjust each time they move, and it’s been heartbreaking for us as parents to witness. I completely understand why people choose to board their children at such a young age. Boarding school helps to give the best possible grounding on academic, social and emotional levels, and offers stability and continuity in an uncertain world.

Stacey is a military spouse, mum and author of whenhomekeepsmoving.blog, a light-hearted look at life inside of a military family. She also works as the Armed Forces Families education specialist at Panoba.