Conversations with Friends in Russia

We are paralyzed by fear, by guilt for which we cannot make amends without losing everything that we still value – our families, our homes, the little bits of freedom that we have left.

So for all those who advocate for sanctions against all Russians so the regime is changed from within, you are mistaken. The sanctions only give Putin and his gang of criminals more power to do anything they want with people in Russia. With more borders being closed, more opportunities being cancelled, less visas being issued and more sanctions being imposed, Putin will get exactly what he has always wanted – an isolated country, full of people who have nowhere to run and who will either be tortured and imprisoned or will have to stay silent.

"We are hated for the war which we did not choose, a war which millions of Russians find inhuman, horrifying and completely unacceptable"

Yesterday, when I was talking to my mum, we were discussing whether I should go home for the summer holidays. Of course, I would love to go back and see my family, but obviously I would risk not being able to leave the country afterwards. In a way, it got me thinking about how it would feel to be in Russia right now during the current events. To be honest, I am scared to find out. I am afraid that I won’t find a home in Russia any more: there is no more Russia as I knew it, not with a humanitarian catastrophe – fueled by its people and resources – unravelling in the middle of Europe; not with an unchosen president waging an unwanted war against an imaginary enemy.

Нет войне!

Conversations with Friends

in Russia by Nina Alberti

On Thursday morning, February 24, shortly before my alarm was set to wake me, the New York Times daily briefing interrupted my sleep: ‘Day 1 of Russia’s invasion.’ For weeks Russian forces had been accumulating near the border with Ukraine. Whether it was a serious threat or just one of Putin’s terrifying bluffs remained disputed. But that morning this question was answered once and for all: Ukraine was under siege, as it continues to be until this day.

Watching videos of tanks, shelling, and the accompanying cries, it felt strange going to class. Never before had I been this close to war. And still, there were those even closer. The conflict affected our campus directly and the pain of the Ukrainian students among us was tangible, just like the unwarranted shame of those with Russian roots. Class discussions felt meaningless next to the complex feelings and fears these students were experiencing.

Suddenly every class began with a discussion of the war. This rightfully begged the question where these conversations were when some of our other classmates had conflicts brewing at home. In Myanmar, in Palestine, in any other country outside of Europe. But it was Ukraine that was everywhere. All my podcasts were covering it. All my news apps were publishing live updates. And all my light-hearted notifications suddenly turned dark and depressing.

"People were brutally beaten with batons, kicked, raped, tortured, fired from work"

On Saturday, I decided to text a friend in Saint Petersburg. She had been my host sister during a high school exchange program and I still talked to her online from time to time. While she was surprisingly open about traditionally taboo topics such as gay rights, the subject of Putin had remained off-limits during my stay with her, and my attempts to discuss him were repeatedly answered with silence.

Within minutes she replied. ‘Putin has gone completely mad. It was clear a long time ago, but no one realized the degree of his insanity. I can hardly call him human.’ Never before had she spoken this candidly to me about her political views. But wasn’t she scared to communicate via social media? ‘No,’ she said, ‘I’m not afraid to speak the truth on any platform!’ Her Instagram posts, alternating between pictures of her cat and anti-war slogans, attested to this.

"Putin has gone completely mad. It was clear a long time ago, but no one realized the degree of his insanity. I can hardly call him human."

‘We have protests here every day.’ She told me about the rallies in St. Petersburg, which were still relatively small, and those in Moscow, where her sister lives. ‘The police very cruelly detain people, even though they only shout “no to war”.’ People have become even more scared to voice their opinions in the streets since the pro-Navalny protests. ‘People were brutally beaten with batons, kicked, raped, tortured, fired from work and expelled for participating in the protests.’

Today, Russians risk being beaten by numerous policemen solely for carrying a ‘no war’ poster and, as most news outlets have already covered, are forbidden from calling the war a ‘war’. Assistance to Ukraine is also prohibited. So in order to help the Ukrainian cause my friend joined OVD-info (ОВДИнфо), a project that supports truthful reporting, offers information on how to join the anti-war movement, and extends legal help to those detained at the protests. Besides OVD-info there are several other helpful projects, such as the ‘Committee Against Torture’ (Комите́т по предотвраще́нию пы́ток), which helps victims of torture by law enforcement agencies. Until recently there was also a project called ‘Look for Your Own’ (Ищи своих) which enabled citizens to track Russian soldiers. Yet this service was quickly taken down by the state. ‘We are not told the number of Russian deaths,’ my friend told me at the end of February, ‘only one was officially announced.’

For those unable to join physical rallies or projects there is the ‘quiet picket line,’ a concept created by the poet Daria Serenko. ‘The idea is to use slogans and express thoughts natively. Inscriptions on clothes and bags, posters in the subway. It helps people to see like-minded others.’ On her social media page my friend shares some of these subtle statements.

But when I wrote to her mid-March, she sounded more forlorn than before. She spoke about the Navalny trial, how ridiculous it was. About martial law, saying that she hadn’t heard of any plans. And about the indefinite departure of some of her friends and the ‘craziest detention stories’ of others. She still couldn't believe how much her life had changed in two weeks, gravely concluding her message: ‘the future of Russia is dead.’

НЕТ ВОЙНЕ!

For independent news sources reporting within Russia check out: DOXA, TV Rain, Varlamov news, Meduza, and Mediazone.