Making Trash: Facing Insecurity to Transform Ideas into Reality

by Mathis Delestre

As I walk into Willai’s room, I walk into a whole universe: printed images of prominent artists and album covers plaster the walls. “I am a student, I do not need to spend too much money on decorations... it’s about what these images represent and the vibe they give off, not whether or not they are legitimate posters” he tells me. His home studio stands proud in front of his window. I already see that his room reflects his creative mindset: a musical ambiance created with the means at hand. We talk about his student life for a bit before plunging into the topic of his creative process and overall ideas about music.

So you are pretty active in posting your latest releases, notably dropping singles pretty often on your Soundcloud or Youtube, but not on streaming services like Spotify. Is it deliberate that you do not post your music on “legitimate” music platforms?

Yeah, definitely… nothing official yet. I have a lot of ideas and I’m really content with them and the core of everything I make. But regarding the technical aspects of my music, I don't think I'm on the level yet that I want to be. I also don't spend a lot of time and effort in spreading my music and marketing it because I don't think it's ready yet. The thing is, I like making music and I think I have the right ideas, but technique wise, there still needs to be a lot of improvement.

So was that technical imperfection an important factor in the creative process of making your EP?

Yeah, it was. I'm quite a perfectionist, but “perfection” is only an idea. Nothing on this earth is perfect. As soon as you want to make something real, by definition, it has to be imperfect because otherwise, it couldn’t exist.

Is that one of the reasons why you named your EP: “Making Trash”?

Definitely. The title is really about: “OK. I actually want this to become more of a reality, so I'm going to embrace that it's trash. I'm going to set my bar so low, I'm going to call it “trash” so that I'm not scared. “From ideas to reality” is really the concept behind the album. Only by acknowledging the fact that it's imperfect and that your first thing is going to be trash, will you be able to actually do something. Otherwise, you’re just obligated to never reach the bar which you have in mind. I had to accept the imperfection to make it real.

The title of the album relates more to this concept of trying to create something despite it being imperfect, but the meaning of the album is more about my mind and my doubts and how I cope with them... more like, how I sort of captured them in…I don't want to say in art… but in a certain image I have, which can be expressed through music.

So your writing process was more based around what goes on in your mind?

It's hard to explain, and that's also because a lot of my writing is not conscious in a way. I'm very visual. I would almost explain it like a dream… You know, you have dreams, you wake up, and you're like: “What the fuck?” Yet it makes sense that there's such a strong feeling attached to it because you saw things so clearly and it made sense in the dream. Then later you realize, “Oh, this particular thing from my life is what showed up in my dream.” I like writing so much because I don't overthink it. It just flows. And then afterwards, I realize: “Oh, this line comes from here because I'm struggling with this, or this line represents this.” It’s very therapeutic.

That’s interesting that you talk about that because when I listen to your EP, the themes of the songs, like “Glock Nine”, seem to be talking more about your inner demons and how you wish to make them evolve into something more positive…

When I ask Willai if he is proud of this EP despite the technical imperfections he points out, he says that he is not confident enough to show it to the public yet. However, he really sees it as a strong first step in his musical endeavour, giving him more certainty for the future: “I wanted to push myself to put something out there and see if this was really something I wanted to pursue, and, thanks to this EP and the process of creating it, I'm now pretty certain it is something that I will keep on doing.”