Pi Magazine - Issue 736: Epiphany by Pi Media UCL

Featuring: Providence Epiphanies Do Not Exist Credo, Amo, Spero. My faith gives me strength Back from the HCA How a messenger brought about the COVID-19 Vaccine

EPIPHANY Pi Magazine Issue 736 Winter 2023

University: A Segue into Self Actualisation Home is Where the Heart is — but here's the catch Ephemeral Epiphanies The Rapture On Creative Epiphanies Anagnorisis

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Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

EDITOR'S Foreword Antara Basu Coco Kemp-Welch

Providence by Tricia Teo

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University: A Segue into Self Actualisation by Saniya Udeshi

_________________________ Epiphanies Do Not Exist by Ewan Alderman

Home Is Where The Heart Is by Matt Chau

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_________________________ Credo, Amo, Spero. My faith gives me strength by Conor Walsh

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Back from the HCA by Hamish Kennedy

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How a messenger brought about the COVID-19 Vaccine by Altay Shaw

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14 illustration by Beca Summers

Ephemeral epiphanies by Cia Kohring

— but here's the catch. by Rebekah Chia

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The Rapture by Daniel Castillo

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On Creative Epiphanies: Where do creative ideas come from? by Aphra Greenwood

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Anagnorisis by Edouard De Bray

t o i r ’s d E reword fo

Coco KempWelch and Antara Basu

Dear readers, In the vast landscape of human experience, few moments hold the power of an epiphany. The concept of an epiphany encapsulates those remarkable instances when understanding, insight or realisation emerges with striking clarity. In these profound moments, the veil of uncertainty is lifted to illuminate our path to growth and evolution. Epiphanies, whether short, ephemeral bursts or prolonged, nuanced streams, hold the power to be profoundly thought-provoking, shaping our lives in unimaginable ways. The pieces in this issue approach the concept of ‘Epiphany’ from all angles. You will encounter a tapestry of personal revelations, scientific breakthroughs, spiritual enlightenments and poetic awakenings. Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

As editors, we sought to curate pieces that reflect the kaleidoscopic nature of these revelatory experiences, recognising that an epiphany can be as subtle as an apple falling off a tree or as bold as a clamouring ‘Eureka!’. May this issue serve as a source of inspiration, fostering a shared understanding of the human capacity for growth and enlightenment. As you delve into these pages, we invite you to consider the transformative potential of your moments of insight, recognising the power possessed in that intangible but eternal concept of epiphany. We hope these words kindle a flame of introspection, and guide you through the labyrinth of thoughts and experiences. This issue is for you to savour the depth and breadth of human experience, and contemplate the power of your epiphanies.

A BRIEF NOTE from our editors Thank you to everyone involved in making this issue come to life it’s been quite the journey. To our section editors: Maria, Sophie, Elliot, Alicia, Meriel, Emily, Stás, Cia and Amber. To our design team: Lucy T, Raaneem, Riya, Lucy G, Edie, Bram. To our writers, whose work lies before you. We cannot thank you enough for your dedication. A special shout-out to Conor, our President, for being the administrative hand of god, whenever necessary. Finally, to Beca, our Design Officer, for putting this wonderful edition together: we adore you! Thank you all, and thank you, readers, for picking up this magazine: we hope it creates as many insightful revelations as we’ve had while making it!

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars"

-Oscar Wilde

Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

n apple fell off the tree and hit Isaac Newton on the head, sparking one of the most infamous epiphanies of all time: the discovery of gravity. All this would likely be true if it wasn’t for the simple fact that epiphanies do not exist. You see, Isaac Newton’s theory of gravity and laws of motion was put forth in 1687, when he was 45. Age is never a hindrance to achievement, but when Sir Isaac Newton had already spent decades studying works such as Leibniz’s concept of natural inertia, Copernicus’s heliocentric model, and Johan Kepler’s laws of planetary motion (published over 200 years prior), can we honestly owe his infamous discovery to a eureka moment spurred on by some fruit? I am not trying to subtract from Newton’s achievements, but perhaps it’s time to take another look at creative thinking. What is creativity? How can we induce it? Epiphanies, it seems, are nothing more than the culmination of studious thought. Let me explain. Firstly, if epiphanies are considered bursts of creative solutions, notions, and thought, then to understand epiphanies, we must understand creativity. Plato believed an individual’s creative thoughts were proof of divine inspiration, yet current scientific understanding differs, telling us that creativity is, as it functions, the product of the intricate synchrony between 3 different brain networks. These three brain networks are the Default Mode Network, the Salience Network, and the Executive Network.

Finally, the Salience Network provides a pivotal aspect in producing creative thought, as it allows the transfer of information between the default and executive networks, acting as the glue that binds these previous networks together. The Salience Network decides which pieces of information are most efficient for the task at hand, by filtering the external sensory stimuli we are bombarded with and choosing to relay only the stimuli it deems most efficient to the current undertaking. It’s a fine neurological filtering system. Thus, creative thoughts are birthed through the might of three encephalon networks: the perfect harmony between Dionysian and Apollonian forces. It is these forces that grow our epiphanies,allowing us to reach further and to go beyond what is established. So, if creativity is so fundamentally ingrained into our very being, what is its purpose? Socrates believed creativity was man’s attempt to make sense of things, to find the signals, patterns, and meaning within life’s chaos. Meanwhile, Da Vinci saw creativity as the human race’s answer to our endless creativity; simply a self-imposed satisfaction lest we drive ourselves mad with questions.

The synchrony between these networks is believed to operate as follows: The Default Mode Network is the primary source of idea production, typically manifesting in daydreams and musings whilst the brain is not focused on a task. Operating in stark contrast, the Executive Control Network is responsible for where we apply our attention. This function, in connection with the prefrontal cortex and the parietal regions, allows these two networks to work in conjunction to concentrate on the formation of new creative thought. It is these two aspects of the brain that are responsible for every creative thought you conjure. New recipes, new hymns, new stories– it all begins here.

Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

EPIPHANIES

DO NOT EXIST

Written by Ewan Alderman Designed by Riya Moore

Contemporary scholars are not unanimous in their explanations for why we are so creative, but it is agreed that creativity is vital to our progression, both individually and collectively. We need not look far for the evidence; the pandemic saw people rethinking how space and technology can be used to overcome hardships, not to mention the plethora of creative media and culture - we consume daily that help us learn more about ourselves. If creativity is evidently so integral to humanity and its functions, how can we harness it? Are epiphanies reserved for a select creative few? MRI scans indicate an increased efficiency in the brains of creative networks of people who regularly partake in creative exercises like painting and creating music. These results demonstrate that creativity is not a bestowed trait but rather something that can be nurtured and expanded upon with experience. So, when data implies that epiphanies lay dormant within us all, what can we do to bring them out? It’s here that science does not have all the answers. But where the data ends, the search does not; there are plenty of creative individuals to draw inspiration from. Psychologist Shelly Carson found that consistently capitalising upon your own emotions can lead to an increase in creative thought. This can be done by consistently navigating what you feel; if sadness plagues you, write about why that is, or if it is happiness you feel, create stories to reflect that. The Harvard professor believes it is this constant exploration of the self and ego that stimulates creative innovation. Meanwhile, Henry David Thoreau found that temporary isolation and travelling off the beaten path encouraged his philosophical thinking, whilst Einstein found that interpreting classical melodies helped him navigate scientific theories.

Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

The advice varies, to say the least. There are no formulae to increase creative prowess or foolproof plans to spur on epiphanies. But all these creative minds do have a few things in common. It was never easy, for any of them. Their “epiphanies’ ‘ never came before months, years, or sometimes decades of research. They all put in the work studying their craft whilst making innumerable mistakes. Yet, they persevered all the same; they did what they loved and great things came from it. Perhaps that’s not the most scientific conclusion to derive from a neurological exploration of creativity, but it remains the truth. Finally, there is no other conclusion to arrive at besides the obvious: epiphanies do not exist, at least not how we know them. Epiphanies are not sudden bursts of realisations: they exist only as slow, creative burns within our mind, advanced only by our will and desire to explore our creativity. Epiphanies are the conclusion of eighty-six billion firing neurons, the climax of diligence, our reward for perseverance. So the next time you have an epiphany of your own, do well to remember you’ve earned it.

faith y M g

Cre d

str e

o ves

. ro th

o, Sp m A , me e

Written by Conor Walsh

aith is a funny thing. To some, it's synonymous with worship and belonging. To others, it's a peculiar concept—one that assumes a radical or cult-like belief. To me, faith is salvation. My religion gives me the strength to push through life's challenges, it enables me to appreciate the talents that I am blessed with, and it puts my life into perspective. Faith is the ultimate epiphany. As a young person, the concept of religion often feels taboo. Unless, perhaps, you’re religious yourself, chances are faith is not a topic high on your agenda. Most young people are reluctant to talk about faith—either because they think religion is poppycock, or because they’re afraid of what others will think. Religion is something that I rarely discuss with friends. I rarely cite scripture, nor do I discuss the day’s gospel. And yet my belief in God is a fundamental part of who I am. From my personality, to my moral compass, my faith means much more than attending mass each Sunday. It means living my life in a faithful way—looking out for those in need, making sacrifices for those that I love, and standing up to injustices. Compassion is central to this. As is respect. I understand that not everyone believes in God. In fact, I embrace it. I admit that that’s much easier said than done. But as a Christian, loving my neighbour, whatever they might believe, say, or do, is a core part of who I am. Pi Magazine Magazine Issue Issue 736 736 Epiphany Epiphany Pi

Illustrations by Beca Summers

Every day, I aim to share my faith with others. Not in an overbearing, preachy or in-your-face sort of way. But in a respectful and understated manner: by aspiring to be a kind, genuine and loving human being. To be a kind, genuine and loving human being does not, of course, require faith. Faith is not a prerequisite for such attributes, but gosh does it help. I use the word aspire with a great deal of emphasis because, oftentimes, I fail at this goal. Life is full of temptations, problematic scenarios and general bewilderment. No matter how good one's intentions are, it’s far easier to end up on the wrong side of the tracks than the right side. This is rarely any one individual's fault. Sometimes things just happen—emotions take over and before you know it, all your good intentions are just that, intentions. In the day-to-day, it’s far too easy to criticise someone than to praise them; gossip and jealousy are always at the tips of our tongues; and in our current world of globalisation, next-day shipping and ‘buy-now-pay-later’, over-indulgence is unavoidable. Turning a blind eye is almost instinctive; our ability to sit on the sidelines is intrinsic, whilst the conviction to stand up and speak out is rarely forthcoming. It’s my faith that keeps me on the straight and narrow—it puts my life into perspective and allows me to appreciate the gifts that I have been blessed with.

People often view religion as a crutch or a get-out-of-jailfree card which provides justification for wrong actions and comfort for inaction. It’s the worship of an imaginary God, or other supernatural beings so that people can feel guilt, express sorrow or confess their tragedies. But I can tell you now, wholeheartedly, that these criticisms couldn’t be more wrong. Yes, a big part of my religion, my faith, is admitting my sins and asking for forgiveness. But an equally big part is my undivided love for God, our beautiful planet, and my brothers and sisters—my fellow human beings. My belief in God is what gives life its meaning. It is the ultimate epiphany, providing me with perspective, solace and a never-ending appreciation for the smallest of things. It gives me the conviction to act and to make a positive difference. Through my faith, I believe that I am a better person. Or, to my earlier point, I try to be.

To have faith is very simple. It’s the understanding that there exists, in some way, shape or form, something much greater than ouselves. Whether God, a collection of gods, or something else, that’s up to you. What matters is that the meaning of our lives cannot be understood in isolation.

Life is greater than just you and I. It’s about love—love for one another, love for ourselves, love for our planet, and love for our creator. Faith is a beautiful thing. But it can also be a dangerous thing. Faith, and more specifically religion, has been the fuel behind many a conflict. This is a tragic irony. The one thing which unanimously teaches love, compassion and understanding has also been the supposed source of bloodshed, hatred and destruction. But, I would argue, it is not faith or religion which causes these condemnable acts. Instead, it is our failure to properly adhere to and understand our faith. When we let our differences get between us, as is easily done, things can get out of hand; and when those differences are the bedrock for how we live our lives, disagreements can quickly materialise. It is important to remember, however, that there is much more that unites us than divides us. I am Catholic. My flatmate, and best friend, is Muslim. We might not see eye-to-eye on everything, but we have a mutual respect for one another's beliefs. Where we disagree, we’re open to listening and learning. And oftentimes, we realise that we share more in common than either of us first thought. Our faith in humanity, community, those that we love and, perhaps, our faith in God, is what gives us salvation. I act on the conviction that faith is the lighthouse in the storm of life. It challenges us to be the best possible version of ourselves: to stand up to injustices, to do good towards others, and to love our fellow human beings. My faith gives me strength, and I pray that yours does too.

Conor Walsh

Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

Written by Hamish Kennedy Illustrations by Lucy Gray

Earlier this year, in September, I was on my way to the BFI to meet some friends. We had agreed to make a stop beforehand at a local pub and, as I approached, I could already see them sitting outside. Opposite them, however, was someone I didn’t recognise: an older man, pint in hand, chatting away. I sat down and introduced myself: his name was Phil. A graduate of the now defunct Hornsey College of Art, Phil had been studying graphics in the class of ’72 when the group was given recording equipment by teachers one day. Being musically inclined, Phil and some of his classmates set about rehearsing together and, a few weeks later, they had produced six finished songs. This was then pressed into a small batch of records, which were then distributed amongst the five members of the band. And, for the next 50 years, they were almost entirely forgotten about. This was until 2022 when Dave Pescod, a band member of Phil’s, received a mysterious email from a man claiming to have found a copy of one of the records in a Berlin flea market. That man was Jannis Stürtz, a mercurial German ‘crate-digger’ and label executive at Jakarta Records. As it turned out, Stürtz was not new to this world. Having co-formed Jakarta Records in 2005, Stürtz’s work with the Habibi Funk imprint, which he also helped create, has since built a cult following through his re-release of lesser-known funk and soul records from the Arab world. It was this passion of rediscovery that propelled Stürtz to reach out and contact Dave in the first place, and to then devote himself to the re-release of Phil and his bandmates’ work. Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

Back in the HCA album artwork. Source: Jakarta Records.

It is important to note that, at this point, the band did not even have a band name, much less an album cover or title. More worrying to the technicians at Jakarta Records was the state of the vinyl record that Stürtz had listened to, and how much of the material on it could be salvaged. Luckily, another member of the band, Ted, had a trump card: he had kept tapes of all the original recordings in his attic in mint condition. In fact, it had been through Ted and his time and connections with the National Youth Jazz Orchestra that much of the backing music for the album had been written and recorded in the first place. With that, the Bowes Road Band was born, taking its name from the section of the North Circular that the Graphics campus of the HCA sat on. On the 1st of September 2023, they officially released their first album Back in the HCA more than 50 years after their initial formation, and a few weeks before I met Phil for the first time.

The album itself is a joy to listen to, melding equal parts of early Pink Floyd, James Taylor, Jefferson Airplane, and Free Jazz, resulting in an astounding tonal versatility over the course of just six tracks. Alternating between guitar and bass on all songs, Phil finds his voice on 'Grass is Grass', a lo-fi ballad about the quest for rural peace and quiet in the urban sprawl of North London. Growing up in Tottenham, Phil revealed that he was always happier in the greener valley of the Lea River, and 'Grass is Grass' is a reflection of that. The folksy vocals and guitar work on 'Tomorrow’s Truth' and 'Goodbye to Rosie' continue this theme, whilst also allowing the clarinet-proficiency and jazz influences of Ted and the NYJO to shine through. The tone then takes a turn for the psychedelic on 'Inside My Head' and 'Doctor Doctor', where themes of alienation and suicide blend strikingly with dissonant and distorted background noise that Syd Barrett would be proud of. This culminates in 'Two Fingers', a passionate, if tonguein-cheek, rock’n’roll number about the life of a boy scout, which wouldn’t feel out of place on The Kinks’ 'Muswell Hillbillies'. References to camping, the great outdoors, and Dutch Elm disease bring the album full circle to 'Grass is Grass', solidifying the rural-urban divide as a key motif for the project. Above all, the record serves as a window into life as an HCA student in the early 70s, and a love letter to the musical diversity and complexity of that era. Others, apart from Jannis Stürtz and myself, seem to agree. 'Grass is Grass' has received more than 100,000 streams on Spotify, as well as airtime by Radio Six Music DJ Giles Peterson. A batch of the re-released vinyl was shipped over to New York last month and sold out almost immediately, with the last one being picked up by Benicio del Toro.

Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

"Above all, the record serves as a window into life as an HCA student in the early 70s, and a love letter to the musical diversity and complexity of that era." What almost interested me most about Phil was that it genuinely seemed as though he hadn’t told many other people about this. As we prepared to part ways after our first meeting in September, I couldn’t help but feel blessed to be one of the few privy to this story. Sitting down in the cinema later that night, I felt this slowly grew into a sense of responsibility to share it further. By chance, the film we had gone to see was Celine Song’s 'Past Lives', a key theme in which was the Korean concept of In-Yun: the idea that all interactions you have with another person are the result of thousands of less consequential meetings between previous versions of yourselves in previous lives. As I left the cinema, it was hard not to feel the hand of cosmic intervention in the serendipity of both my chance encounter with Phil and the introduction I’ve had to the beautiful album he’s had a hand in creating. After you’re done reading this, I suggest you take 25 minutes out of your day to listen to it in its entirety. I doubt you’ll be disappointed.

How a Messenger Brought about the COVID-19 Vaccine Written by Altay Shaw Designed by Riya Moore

Background on

mRNA

Messenger Ribonucleic Acid (mRNA) vaccine groundwork was initially laid out by Robert Malone in the late 1980s. Mixing a few strands of mRNA into droplets of fat, the resulting mixture was added to human cells, which started to produce proteins. This application was later applied to a number of embryo models, including frog embryos, suggesting that this process of protein generation and adaptation could be controlled. Still, many scientists did not invest much time in this field of research and mRNA was deemed too unstable for widespread use. Additionally, the financial aspect of their application was considered a limit to their viability for general population use. US firm Merck tried to partner up with Vical to produce a viable vaccine using the technology in the 1990s, which ultimately ended in failure as the “cost and feasibility of manufacturing” prevented them from progressing with the work. One of the scientists determined to continue work in the field was Karikó. In 1995, after multiple funding applications to continue her work in transforming mRNA into a viable drug platform, she was demoted in position after being provided with an ultimatum to either take a pay cut or leave the University of Pennsylvania. Not wishing to give up her life’s work, she continued with the application, now alongside Drew Weissman. Their initial work focused on a potential vaccine for HIV/AIDS.

Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

The 2023 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine was awarded to Professor Katalin Karikó and Professor Drew Weissman for their contributions to mRNA development. Their work ultimately paved the way for COVID-19 vaccines, which have protected billions of lives since their approval. Whilst the science behind the products existed for years before the development of the Moderna and BioNTech-Pfizer vaccines, the initial therapeutic use was intended for treating debilitating conditions such as strokes. So, how did an initial discovery of protein release induced by mRNA result in one of the most important treatments of the 21st century?

... AND THEN?

BioNTech had previously used the process of protein replacements for cancer treatment. These interventions and studies still carry on at BioNTech. However, the initial use had not been as a vaccine. Rather, they were injected directly into the tumours to act as markers for the immune system. This injection would allow immune cells to learn and distinguish which cells belonged to metastatic tumours at the time. This technology would later be refined as a vaccine to treat pancreatic cancer, acting as an immune checkpoint inhibitor, preventing cancer cells from affecting the immune system. Pfizer led initial work to use mRNA as a treatment strategy for flu cases, applying the technology from 2018 to produce vaccines for influenza. When the pandemic hit, the focus of the clinical trials shifted to work on COVID. Karikó remarked in her interview with Scientific American that had the COVID-19 pandemic happened decades earlier, limits to gene technology would have caused “a big delay”. Now, with genetic synthesis, creating the DNA to produce the RNA is much simpler.

The issue remained on how to get the RNA into individuals. mRNA is not protected when it is outside of the cell, typically requiring a layer of protection to prevent human enzymes from degrading the nucleotides. As such, another innovation was crucial in ensuring the success of the mRNA vaccines. Groundwork in the 1990s, led by Pieter Cullis, that silenced gene activity allowed for the development of lipid nanoparticles. Lipid nanoparticles are formed from a mixture of four fatty molecules. One of the components is the ionizable lipid, which prevents the degradation of the mRNA strands and helps to improve the uptake into the cells. Encased within an endosome, a membrane-bound region, the protonated lipid can then be used to break down the membrane, allowing release into the cytoplasm. This allows the transcription of proteins to fight the disease and provide some level of protection. This combination of techniques, providing the basis for lipid nanoparticles and mRNA to be applicable in vaccines, was described as the eureka moment. Andrew Geall, chief development officer at Replicate Bioscience, stated it was the moment a “process” was produced that could be scaled. This breakthrough, built on from work by Karikó in the 1990s, was then developed into a process which provided vaccinations for millions and was the first large-scale recognition of the field.

The Future In her interview with Scientific American, Karikó stated that their work could be applicable not solely for the use of coronavirus but for “all vaccines except those against bacterial infections.” Karikó has suggested that work within the field could provide additional treatment strategies for cancer and malaria. Still working as an adjunct professor at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, Karikó assures that their intentions are to continue her work, suggesting the prize money, around $1 million dollars, will be used to continue funding work in the field. This keeps in line with her previous philanthropic actions, like giving away smaller awards to support the education of underprivileged children worldwide.

Fires devour then ashen, but ashes need not always be discarded.

Ephemeral Epiphanies Written by Cia Kohring

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A spark, a bulb, a moment of

enlightenment. The feeling of ecstatic resolution, relieved confirmation, the final genius to heal our confused hearts and torn minds. This is epiphany. Or so we think. For, how much longer than mere seconds, minutes, days, or weeks do our transcendental revelations really last?

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hat which unites young people is an intense burden of uncertainty combined with pressures to succeed, or worse, ‘find oneself’. While many of us may pass our first years at university in something of a haze, sooner or later, we must all face the dread of a future beyond the bubble of sociable academia. It is in this grey zone when we begin to seriously look ahead, that we experience the most intense and frequent ephemeral epiphanies. In earnest, we search for signs, clues, the faintest of hints, with hopes of finding a smidge of guidance, affirmation or reassurance. But what are ‘signs’ or ‘clues’ if not manifestations of our desires or imaginative fabrications? In believing that we have found subtle directives, we engage in a kind of deliberate denial of our personal project to concoct make-believe for selfpreservation. Epiphanies are the sudden, invigorating, soothing results of our anxious forethinking, but do they matter? Do they last and then turn into something more tangible or permanent? And even if they do all these things, are they not still initially of the same alluring seed as all of our other private fictions?

Illustrations by Raaneem Mayenin

Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

What I’m trying to get at is whether revelations aren't simply lies we semi-subconsciously create for our own benefit - or detriment. I’ll share a private moment to illustrate. The other night, I found myself on the Northern line when I was struck with an immense understanding; from out of the dark, an unfaltering and heart-touching conviction came to me. All at once, I was happy. I saw my destiny and knew that I could reach it. I would defy the misbelievers and enter a life where intellectual stimulation was valued higher than salary, where I would love and derive pleasure from both career and private living despite the seeming impossibility of such prospects in London. Most importantly, I was to immediately quit this darn melancholic worrying about the future because my conviction told me that everything would fall into place in the manner that I needed and intended it to. This epiphany lasted for precisely two stops until Elephant & Castle, at which point my previously beaming heart collapsed, and I ceded to sullen defeat followed by a first silent tear of disillusionment. Turning the rational cynic again, I saw all of the obstacles in my path and did not think I had either the vigour or the capabilities to tackle them. How quickly brilliant inspirations ashen. Perhaps, and this is something of a speculation, our romanticisation and strive for epiphany stems partially from the self-help culture that has developed over the last few decades. Bookshelves, BookToks and virtual platforms like Audible incessantly promote the genre. And it makes complete sense. No one believes they are without fault; everyone feels lost at times, and the selfhelp book can make promises that render it an affordable and desirable quick fix. Problematically, the discourse in such texts often simplifies internal life by suggesting that one quality idea, or an essential understanding, can propel radical improvements in multiple areas of life. Such mythologising of revelation might be what we want to hear in that it is reassuring and unravelling of a complicated life, but it also encourages an incredibly unhelpful conditioning that manifests only in temporary relief and a long-lasting fixation on the monolithic power of the idea.

Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

The truth is ideas do not translate to action, productivity, happiness or improved life quality in any other sense. Whether we are talking about personal development or ‘finding oneself’, discovery, refinement and improvement are mostly slow processes that inherently involve failure as well as disenchantment; with that moment of truth (epiphany) or, more damningly, with yourself for investing such emotional intensity in that flash of inspiration. Epiphanies do not remind us that growth is an eternal operation but build in us that lie we so ardently wish for, of destination, as a possibility and the ultimate goal. So, we might not necessarily be able to avoid these ‘revelations’- of changing the world, of ‘making it’ simply because we’re intelligent and compassionate, of not caring about deriving big money from our careers because there are more important aspects of life, or of working hard to arrive at where we wish to be, a place of achievement and contentedness. But maybe, when we subsequently feel self-betrayed by our assurance and naivety, we should try to regard our epiphanic mind games as a point of departure rather than a piece of finality. However beautiful the idea or convincing the moment, we cannot rely on epiphanies. Nonetheless, there is something to say about the intensity revelations evoke. If anything, epiphanies should remind us of the power of our hearts, our preparedness to look for creative solutions, and our staunch willingness to seek good for ourselves and see good in our futures. Epiphanies illustrate our courage in and love for a life that is often challenging and incomprehensible to the mind and soul, even when appearing objectively smooth and easy to others. Let us not spiral in and mourn our great revelations, but equally, let us not dismiss them entirely.

UNIVERSITY A SEGUE INTO SELF ACTUALISATION

WRITTEN BY SANIYA UDESHI Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

ARTWORK BY LUCY TOZER

Three days into living at university, I found myself on the floor of my friend Aman’s room debating intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. My intellectual sparring partner is a 22-year-old exchange student, meaning he had a lot more brevity to his arguments given his four years at university than I did as a freshman. Naive as I was, I drew my case completely based on high school and A-levels, insisting that extrinsic motivation was the best incentive to do well in life and that nothing beat the thrill of outdoing others in my cohort. However, I walked out of that room a changed woman, and as the weeks have passed, my time at UCL has only reinforced everything he had to say about intrinsic motivation. But what exactly do extrinsic and intrinsic motivation refer to? Simply put, extrinsic motivation concerns the idea that we do what we do in order to reap benefits or avoid punishment, and that our incentive comes from the high of doing better than those around us. Conversely, people who are intrinsically motivated find their gratification in simply doing their best and excelling at an activity for personal contentment rather than some separable outcome. As first-years at university, fresh out of high school, I am sure that a lot of you might have had similar opinions to mine. When you are in that kind of competitive environment, nothing matters more than getting better grades than your peers. The first thing I would ask my friends on results day was always “What did you get?” and this helped me determine how much more effort I needed to put in next time. This feeling was massively reinforced by the cutthroat race of getting into top educational establishments, and the distinctive knowledge that I was trying to get into the 8th best university in the world only made me work that much harder to beat out all the other candidates. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), this thinking will not hold you in good stead at university, or in the job market moving forward. So let me introduce you to how my friend thinks. Aman starts his day by deciding on what he intends to work on, and will not sleep until he completes all he has set out to do. On days that he is successful in this endeavour, he sleeps like a baby. Other days, he sleeps disappointed in himself. And that, he says, is the worst feeling of all.

Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

He truly believes that the majority of his incentive to flourish in his ventures comes from within, in an attempt to achieve inherent satisfaction and actualise his potential. So while someone like me would only be happy if my efforts reaped rewards, the mere knowledge that he did his best at a task is enough to sate him. As the night progressed, he continued to shatter every argument of mine with extremely logical and convincing ones of his own, and I found my adolescent opinion quickly beginning to change. This feeling has only been heightened by the weeks that have passed since, as I continue to attend lectures and see firsthand how different the environment is at UCL in comparison to sixth form. I realised that at university, you aren’t accountable to anyone. No one checks if you have attended your lectures or done your reading. No one asks you how you have done in your test and compares it to their own grade. Most importantly, unlike high school, you aren’t graded on a curve, so your achievements are solely yours, and your grades singlehandedly determine your overall accomplishments. At the end of the day, the only thing that really matters is that you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror and be proud of what you have achieved. This ‘eureka moment’ may have hit me much later if not for that thought-provoking debate many moons ago, but I am most definitely grateful that it happened when it did. University has been easier knowing that I have been accountable to myself from day one, and while it has taken a lot of self-control to stop me from asking my coursemates how they have done on various quizzes and coursework, I truly believe that working my hardest for my personal contentment alone has made me a more resilient person and will serve me in good stead not just now, but for the rest of my life. I am sure that being intrinsically motivated will help me in the work field too, and ensure that I perform at the highest calibre I am capable of, so that I can walk with my head held high and smile at myself every time I cross a mirror. I’m sharing this with all of you in the hope that it inspires many of you in the same way that it inspired me, as a stepping stone to self-actualisation: Maslow himself would be proud.

Home Is Where The Heart Is Written by Matt Chau Illustration by Beca Summers

t’s been a couple of months since the school year started, and as a third-year international student from Hong Kong, I think I’m pretty accustomed to living away from home. After all, it’s my third time returning to London, and every year it gets easier to settle in. Still, it’s not always as smooth as I anticipate. September has become a complicated time for me: as soon as I celebrate my birthday, I’ll have to say goodbye to family and friends. I remember when the dreaded day came this year, I walked through the airport gates, ready to give my family a final wave goodbye. To my surprise, I turned around and saw my mum crying! What was even more surprising was that in seeing my mum cry, I began to tear up too, and I thought to myself: “I’ve done this twice already, why hasn’t it gotten easier?”

Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

The more I reflect on the times I’ve gone back and forth, the more I realize how jarring it is to be an international student. You leave the place you’ve grown up in, the only place you’ve ever called home, and move to a foreign city. You try to build a new life for yourself: find new hobbies, and make new friends. For nine months, you adapt to a new culture. But it never feels the same as home. You feel out of place.

Fast forward to arriving at my London apartment. I had the place to myself for a week, and after unpacking, I just sat at home, alone and bored out of my mind. It was strange to think that just last week, returning home meant seeing my family and now it meant a quiet, empty apartment. The isolation made me think of the summers I was back home.

Then, you finally go home for the summer holidays, thinking it will all feel the same. But it doesn’t. You get so used to living in a new city that you’ve forgotten what home is like. Your friends find new hobbies and people to fill up their time, to fill up the space you’ve left. You have to adjust to your own city, even though it’s all you’ve ever known. Then, by the time you’ve adjusted, it’s already time to leave again. For those three short months, you constantly feel like you’re running out of time.

The truth is, I never felt 100% comfortable even when I was back in Hong Kong. Little things constantly reminded me that I hadn’t been home for nine whole months, and I wouldn’t be here for long: my little sister had taken over my room; my dad now uses the shelf where I used to put my school bag for his backpacks. I didn’t even know where to put my toothbrush because the toilet cupboard was now completely occupied by the rest of my family.

This back and forth between two places leaves me in a state of limbo. I don’t live at home anymore, but I can’t exactly call London 'home' either. As an international student, I straddle two worlds, one foot in each, but never fully belonging in either, like my identity is split in two. Not only has it made me feel disconnected from my home and my culture, but it has also made me question if I’ll ever find somewhere I can truly call 'home'.

When I first realized that, I immediately felt nostalgic for a time when I knew for sure what 'home' meant to me, when I got to see my friends every day, when I took my family’s company for granted. The more I dwelled on it, the more lonely I felt, stuck between two places that I’m extremely fond of. It also made me worry about the future: if I can’t call either Hong Kong or London 'home', where exactly will I find my place in this world? This existential crisis had me searching everywhere for solutions. But the truth is, there are none. I can’t change the fact that, as an international student, this is my reality, so I just have to accept it. But, I don’t have to feel lonely. The reality is that even though leaving Hong Kong and being on my own for the first time has felt intimidating, it’s also been strangely freeing, to know I get to choose where I go next, and which path I will take. Being away from home has also taught me to cherish the little time I have with my loved ones, and put in the effort to show that I care. University is a time to grow, to form new parts of your identity and discover what you want from life. Being an international student lets me occupy different identities simultaneously: as a Hong Konger, a Londoner, and a student at UCL. We are all a patchwork quilt of the people we’ve met and the places we’ve been, and we take all these experiences with us as we add to our ever-changing identity.

Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

________

We are all a patchwork quilt of the people we’ve met and the places we’ve been, and we take all these experiences with us as we add to our everchanging identity. ________

As I begin my final year at UCL and step into my 20s, the future seems more unpredictable than ever. In moments of doubt, I find solace in music to help me process my emotions. Right now, I am reminded of Taylor Swift’s 'You’re on Your Own, Kid'. Although I’m not entirely sure where 'home' is right now, I am choosing to appreciate the excitement, freedom and endless possibilities in this uncertainty.

— but here's the catch. Written by Rebekah Chia

Illustrations by Raaneem Mayenin

how unlucky, to come alive in this heat-death explosion— the sap spilling out of you in thunderbolts, the spark still shuddering in the wake of your lungs. slipped through the initial sunburst and none of the colours ever seem to taste right, anymore, bubbling in that divot where the words are all rationed on your tongue. hold your dreams in the well of your throat and speak. speak! (what is it you want to hear?) these days it feels like the only things you can cough up are made of ash, each brittle syllable falling apart, held up to the half-light. take this sorry helplessness in your own two hands and wring it dry. what else can you cling to now? the snow-black wasteland of you has become a haunted place, a house of all the damned (if you do,) damned (if you don’t,) noise. there are no such things as

silences anymore. instead they just tell you— don’t worry, this is what godhood looks like. we choke on the dust that we are carved from. it is not our fault that we are always looking towards the end of the world. how unlucky, to come of age in the end times and oh how unlucky, to survive it.

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The Rapture Written by Daniel Castillo Illustration by Raaneem Mayenin

he shore was laden with a silence of still water. Looking out, he thought of sunlight making white patches across the lake or bubbling but the sky was cotton gray. A latex glove floated about, catching his eye. Small waves pushed it onto shore, and then, suspended on moist dirt, the wind played with its fingers. He stared at the glove for a while, watching it writhe and writhe. It jumped, unfurling as if to glide, but just to fall. Eventually the mud grasped it, liveliness smothering. The sky-blue glove sank and the wind continued to blow. Before, the lake was a place of wonder. Fish swam its shallow depths, fathers and sons dropped anchors to enlace with the myriad of life. Before, there was a small dock on which they would converse about trivial things. Now, two wood legs stand naked between the kicking waves. He took a swig from his flask, then another, then the flask was finished. Wiping sweat from his brow, Noah opened another bottle and swigged again. He walked warily, following the shoreline towards the old dam. The forest was thick and dewy, the roots of lumbersome trees invading his path. He tumbled twice, yet, miraculously, the bottle wasn’t damaged. Clinging to it, he pushed through the shrinking shoreline as the forest and lake enmesh. Leaves caress him, branches lay on his coat like fetal hands, holding, then clasping, pulling, then stabbing.

Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

Old trees reach out and block his way, driving him into the forest. He doesn’t feel the red lines on his paling knuckles. Dew seeps into his shoes as leaves crinkle underfoot. Sedated, he follows himself. How could he not? Two inextricable parts of a self, a man and his needs, a bottle and its drying punt. Not even the coarse bark can break his glass spirit as he falls with one arm raised, as if to catch himself from the bottle’s neck. The sinking sun greets Noah at the dam. Hugging the stair’s rail, he clambers down the monolith. Cracks cover the stone and tell the story of a river. Caught by man it became a pulpy pool of liquid, powering glowing orbs and whirring hoops. Through all time, water sloshes against the aged concrete, as the ocean reclines against the gray wall. Thunder cackles as water finally splits stone. Standing in the dry channel, Noah stares up at a bawling giant. Jets break through the barrier and separate into dendritic tendrils of glassy hair which catch the sun and blaze in bulbous halos and linear rays. Staring up, his pupils sober into pits. He’s running, pounding boots and flesh into dust. Cracks race along the wall, pumping out the murky liquid. Masses of stone fall like tears of the vast cataract, its coronas of mud raining into the flood. Waters clash and bounce as waves upon waves upon waves dance and twirl in shawls of white foam. The booming resounds in Noah’s pumping heart as he sprints uphill. He throws the bottle at the flood, and himself toward the branch of a cypress tree. The waves swell into a viscid wall, galloping towards his peering eyes. He grins, drunk on the solemn rapture of a rumbling earth.

Written by Aphra Greenwood

Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

THE ART OF ANAGNORISIS:

Why storytelling is all about epiphanies

Written by Edouard De Bray Illustrations by Raaneem Mayenin

rom the small and trivial realisations - such as forgetting your keys whilst leaving the house - to the profound ideas that stir from the unknown place, epiphanies occur all the time. They are often unexpected, an unlikely arrival. Sometimes, they linger on horizons - their significance not realised - and leave. At other times, however, they are recognised and welcomed by the excitement of discovery. These are the true epiphanies. They can develop languidly, or come by a sudden spark, but they almost always bring significant change.

Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

We see this all the time in the arts in the form of anagnorisis. In drama, novels, plays, or films, these are the moments of epiphany that keep an audience hooked. In modern dictionaries, you’ll find anagnorisis defined as the recognition or discovery by the protagonist of the identity of some character or the nature of his or her own predicament, which leads to the resolution of the plot. It is Aristotle’s definition, however, which comes closer to capturing the significance of anagnorisis to the arts, as ‘a change from ignorance to knowledge, producing love or hate between the persons destined by the poet for good or bad fortune’.

From modern popular culture to revered classics, such epiphanies, or rather anagnorises, are central to any good story. Without them, the suspense that envelops viewers and readers would cease to be. We would lose the shock moment of revelation, story depth would inevitably disappear, and the intrigue in characters and their humanity would be lessened. Predictability would win over the unexpected.

The iconic ending of Flight Club displays the essence of the term superbly (spoiler warning!). As the world around him is blown to pieces and the Pixies anthem ‘Where is My Mind’ amplifies the dystopian scene, the protagonist (played by Edward Norton) discovers that he and his violent friend Tyler (played by Brad Pitt) are actually the same person. It is a defining cinematic moment that exemplifies anagnorisis in its most vivid form - the recognition of the protagonist's true identity - at the climax and ending of a thriller. We see this also in Sophocles’ Classical Greek tragedy Oedipus Rex - a revered text, especially to those who study Freud’s psychoanalytical theories. The anagnorisis occurs in the terrible moment Oedipus realizes that, in trying to avoid a fateful prophecy, he has unknowingly killed his father and married his mother. This anagnorisis had such a great effect that it has now become enshrined in our 21st-century vernacular through the ‘Oedipus Complex’. In the sci-fi world, perhaps the most famous anagnorisis occurs when Luke Skywalker learns that Darth Vader is his father - a revelation that is as gripping as it is tragic. Likewise, in the classic novel Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin, Elizabeth Bennet experiences anagnorisis when, in reading a letter from Mr Darcy, she realizes that her initial judgments of him were wrong. This is perhaps a softer anagnorisis, but one that is, nonetheless, central to the story’s progression and the character’s development. And the list goes on.

In The Truman Show, Harry Truman (Jim Carrey) discovers that his entire life has been a televised reality show. In Great Expectations, by Charles Dickens, we observe anagnorisis when Pip discovers the true identity of his mysterious benefactor. There is a clear link between great novels, films, and plays and the use of anagnorisis. One could even apply the term to visual art. Though in a different way to narrative forms, we can view works that elicit moments of inner realization within ourselves as anagnorises. For example, Salvador Dalí’s celebrated surrealist piece The Persistence of Memory and its depiction of melting clocks may evoke a sense of timelessness and fluidity in perception. It might prompt us to reconsider or even alter our relationship with time and nature. All of these moments can often be underappreciated and yet, at the same time, they are the reason why these works of art are loved by all.

They are the nexus of any good story. Their hold on the audience is unrivalled. And perhaps we can apply the term more broadly to inner revelations throughout our everyday lives. Given such prominence, it is worth questioning why the term is often overlooked and is far from becoming as popularised as other theatrical terms such as ‘protagonist’. I suspect it may simply be the difficulty in articulation - I try to use the word frequently and still struggle. To return to Aristotle, the ancient Greek term would have been divided into ‘ana’ (meaning ‘back’) and ‘gnorisis’ (meaning ‘making know’), together creating ‘anagnorisis’ meaning ‘recognition’ - and that is exactly what the word and the idea of epiphany deserves: more recognition. So, I hope this piece serves as a homage to the art of anagnorisis. Let this be a call to all to further establish the term anagnorisis into our vernacular, to remember its place within the art of storytelling and amongst the most venerated terms that are associated with ‘epiphany’.

At the end of The Usual Suspects, we see anagnorisis when Verbal Kint (Kevin Spacey) transforms into the elusive Keyser Soze, revealing his true identity. Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

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PRESIDENT Conor Walsh

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Section EDITORS NEWS

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LIFESTYLE & CULTURE Alicia Doran Elliott Hollingsbee Madeleine Robertson

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Pi Magazine Issue 736 Epiphany

EPIPHANY