The Book

The

Book Everything you need to know about

surviving your year at UBC

U

THE UBYSSEY

UBC’s newspaper since 1918

TAKE A

DEEP BREATH You are here. This is happening. In the coming weeks and months, it’s good to remind yourself of that fact.

It’s an exciting time, but your first year can give you a case of emotional whiplash.

It’s totally okay if you feel like throwing up, because if the emotional morass you’re swimming in right now doesn’t make you feel a little queasy, the dizzying size of UBC will.

EDITORIAL Coordinating Editor Justin McElroy coordinating@ubyssey.ca

Managing Editor, Print Jonny Wakefield printeditor@ubyssey.ca

Managing Editor, Web Arshy Mann webeditor@ubyssey.ca

News Editors Kalyeena Makortoff & Micki Cowan news@ubyssey.ca

video@ubyssey.ca

Culture Editor Ginny Monaco

Web Writer Andrew Bates

culture@ubyssey.ca

Senior Culture Writer Taylor Loren tloren@ubyssey.ca

Sports Editor Drake Fenton sports@ubyssey.ca

abates@ubyssey.ca

Graphics Assistant Indiana Joel

Academics

P27 Fun

webmaster@ubyssey.ca

features@ubyssey.ca

copy@ubyssey.ca

The Ubyssey is the official student newspaper of the University of British Columbia. It is published every Monday and Thursday by The Ubyssey Publications Society. We are an autonomous, democratically run student organization, and all students are encouraged to participate.

Editorials are chosen and written by the Ubyssey staff. They are the expressed opinion of the staff, and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Ubyssey Publications Society or the University of British Columbia. All editorial content appearing in The Ubyssey is the property of The Ubyssey Publications Society.

Stories, opinions, photographs and artwork contained herein cannot be reproduced without the expressed, written permission of The Ubyssey Publications Society.

The Ubyssey is a founding member of Canadian University Press (CUP) and adheres to CUP’s guiding principles.

Letters to the editor must be under 300 words. Please include your

P15

ijoel@ubyssey.ca

Interim Copy Editor Karina Palmitesta

feedback@ubyssey.ca Print Advertising: 604.822.1654 Business Office: 604.822.6681 advertising@ubyssey.ca

Living

Webmaster Jeff Blake

Features Editor Brian Platt

CONTACT

Business Office: Room 23 Editorial Office: Room 24 Student Union Building 6138 Student Union Blvd Vancouver, BC V6T 1Z1 tel: 604.822.2301 web: www.ubyssey.ca

Video Editor David Marino

art@ubyssey.ca

Duncan Cairns-Brenner, Colynn Chan, Colin Chia, Josh Curran, Will Johnson, Will McDonald, Bryce Warnes,

The Panel

This book is a humble attempt at making sense of this weird little bubble. Its message? You’ll do fine. It’s not the sugarcoated take you’ll get from the university.

Rather, it’s the stories of regular students: what they’ve learned since they were in your shoes.

So take a deep breath.

Dip a toe in and test the waters. Then give it the old college try and dive in.

Art Director Geoff Lister

CONTRIBUTORS

Table of Contents

phone number, student number and signature (not for publication) as well as your year and faculty with all submissions. ID will be checked when submissions are dropped off at the editorial office of The Ubyssey; otherwise verification will be done by phone.

The Ubyssey reserves the right to edit submissions for length and clarity. All letters must be received by 12 noon the day before intended publication. Letters received after this point will be published in the following issue unless there is an urgent time restriction or other matter deemed relevant by the Ubyssey staff.

It is agreed by all persons placing display or classified advertising that if the Ubyssey Publications Society fails to publish an advertisement or if an error in the ad occurs the liability of the UPS will not be greater than the price paid for the ad. The UPS shall not be responsible for slight changes or typographical errors that do not lessen the value or the impact of the ad.

P33 Vancouver

P43

So, you’ve made it to university...

Now what?

There’s friends to make, food to cook, awkward hookups to be had...and also that “going to class” thing which you’re paying an arm and a leg for. The best way to learn anything is to ask questions to people who have been in your shoes.

That’s where we come in.

We’ve assembled a panel of 14 students to give advice throughout this book. Some of them have been super involved, some of them haven’t, but they all went through the same first year lumps. Here’s a brief description of each of them—and their advice on one thing you should know about UBC before beginning classes.

4 Student panel

The Panelists Ricardo Bortolon Neuroscience 2012 (graduate)

“Profs actually want you to do well.”

— “As much as first-year classes are designed to filter people out, it’s not that professors or TAs enjoy seeing people fail or don’t really care who falls between the cracks.”

Anthony Bryson Medicine 2014 (graduate)

“Don’t buy textbooks.”

— “It’s just a waste of money. It’s expensive being a student, and when you could spend hundreds of dollars that you’ll only read a couple of times, you don’t get much back from it.”

Chantelle Chan Forestry 2012

“There’s help out there that is free.”

— “There’s plenty of resources here for you.

You just need to know where to look, and you do that by talking to lots of different people.”

Ekaterina Dovjenko Commerce 2012

“It’s really different than high school.”

— “It’s big, it has a lot of people and there’s a lot more opportunity. You’re going to go through so much growth that the person you’ll graduate as is going to be very different than the person who came in.”

Student panel 5

David Fernig Arts/Science 2012

“Be patient.”

— “It might take you a while to find courses you like. But don’t skip class. As Woody Allen said, ‘80 per cent of success is showing up.’”

D E U T

Megan Heise “It’s what you make it.”

U P

— “If you get involved, if you have fun, it can be an awesome experience. Or you can go to school and just leave. The choice is yours.”

Alex Lush

Engineering 2013 The

Ubyssey

“It’s a big campus.”

— “Have a map and know your classes, so you have a basic idea of where you’re going.”

ANE

Erik MacKinnon Pharmacy 2013

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NT

Arts 2010, Education 2011

“Have an open mind.”

— “If you approach everything with an equal level of interest, it can really help you find your niche.”

Tracy Pham Science 2013

“The school load is something you should keep your head up for.”

— “When I was in high school I did IB, so I thought that would prepare me for university, but it was still very overwhelming. Even though at the beginning of school there’s no work, it will catch up to you.”

6 Student panel

Kate Piotrowski Science 2013

“You will never be prepared.”

— “It does not matter how many people tell you certain things or even if you spend time here before you actually come. Prepare to be completely remodelled.”

Erin Roeder Human Kinetics 2013

“There are a myriad of resources there for you.”

S

U P

N

D E U T

— “The majority of people coming could find something they’re interested in without too much effort.”

Stepan Soroka Arts 2013

The

Uby

“Try hard at your classes.”

— “But if all else fails, maybe it’s not for you.”

Jeremy Whitmer Engineering 2013

ANE

“There’s lots of little different ways to get involved.”

— “It’s important to realize that there are plenty of types of communities out there and to get plugged into one of them.”

Alicia Woodside Commerce 2011

“Find a good balance between school and life.”

— “Looking back now, I did a lot, and that’s why I stayed for a fifth year, but there were still even more things I could have done, and I value the social aspects as much as the academic functions.”

Student panel 7

93

Our annual list of

things to do

during your time at UBC 1 Find The Ubyssey’s office in the SUB. 2 Spend 24 hours straight in IKB. 3 Be the only fan at a UBC Thunderbirds game.

4 Drink beer on the Knoll.

5 Storm the Wall.

6 Have a wizard battle in the Harry Potter room.

7 Find the UBC Farm.

8 Jump on the bouncy bushes.

9 Fall asleep on a couch in the SUB during the day.

10 Stand in the middle of the weird echo chamber on Main Mall.

11 Explore the famed steam tunnels.

12 See a play at Freddie Wood.

13 Get lost on campus because you didn’t bother to look at a map.

14 Get your groove on at the Pit. 15 Punch someone at McDonald’s.

16 Steal an umbrella.

17 Compete in Day of the Longboat.

18 Become a treehugger.

8 93 things to do

19 Skip class and play bocce on Main Mall.

20 Take part in the annual Undie Run. 21 Find Stephen Toope’s house.

22 Build a milk crate fort.

23 Get frisky with someone in a library.

24 Engage in competitive axe throwing.

25 Sign a petition for anything. Anything at all.

26 Get on top of a roof.

27 Visit the SUB Art Gallery.

28 Play a drinking game that isn’t King’s Cup. 29 Watch a 99 B-Line pass you by.

30 Fuck in the bushes.

31 Play “Campus Golf.”

32 Swim at Wreck Beach.

33 Pie a student politician in the face.

34 Finish your term paper on the bus.

35 Slide down the Knoll on a cafeteria tray.

36 Urinate in the weird sink at the Pit. 37 Feed pigeons outside the SUB. 38 Choose a favourite pigeon.

39 Name the pigeon.

40 Irrationally love the pigeon.

41 Make fun of a stupid sign on campus.

42 Visit the mysterious field next to Totem.

43 Do an exchange to UBC-O. 44 Go to the Vancouver Art Gallery on 4-20.

45 Buy a vintage game system.

46 Get too invested in said game system.

47 DO A BARREL ROLL! 48 Have a two month pottery craze.

49 Join a club because the president is hot.

50 Make a porno.

51 Create a flash mob about anything.

52 Start a really weird club.

53 Smoke up behind Totem Park.

54 Plant a flag on the Knoll.

55 Pick up the only girl in your engineering class.

56 Pick up the only boy in your nursing class.

57 Discuss how pretty Mayor Gregor is.

58 Forage for berries behind Brock Hall.

59 Make out with Mike Duncan.

60 Take a nap at the swimming pool.

61 Get overly passionate about the Canucks.

62 Take pictures of overly passionate Canucks fans.

63 Then criticize those people on Facebook.

64 Take a dip in the IKB fountain.

65 Feed Otis.

66 Learn how to roll a joint from Ubyssey alumnus Pierre Berton.

67 Enter Norm Theatre sober; leave drunk.

68 Attend Block Party.

69 Be sad it’s not Arts County Fair.

70 High-dive into the pool, despite the tent.

71 Play ultimate frisbee on the top of a parkade in the middle of the night.

72 Try the Canopy Walkway.

73 People-watch at the anime convention.

74 Write a midterm while hungover.

75 Sleep through a midterm.

76 Run as a joke candidate in an election.

77 Float across the moat at the Asian Centre.

78 Try out for a Thunderbird varsity team.

79 Be overly happy when the sun breaks out after ten days of rain.

80 Be overly pissed when the rain returns five minutes later.

81 Learn about DC++.

82 Go to Nitobe Gardens; ignore its beauty and play Angry Birds instead.

83 Don’t stop believin’.

84 Deface the E in the middle of the day.

85 Get threatened with arrest.

86 Copy a fad another university did.

87 Copy that fad in an over-the-top manner.

88 Go to McDonald’s at 2:30am.

89 Build an impractical but awesome robot.

90 Ride a pony with the Equestrian Club.

91 Drink a beer in class.

92 Spend six years getting your degree, do Go Global, make best friends, lose best friends, find yourself, find your true love, lose your true love and make the years you spend at UBC the most memorable and rewarding of your life.

93 Graduate.

93 things to do 9

Map

To a veteran UBC student, exploring campus can still be daunting. For a freshman? Nigh impossible, unless you happened to stumble upon a handy UBC map.

Panel: What are the nicest Student Union Building places to be on campus?

(SUB) Ricardo Bortolon

Three floors of food, student clubs and government. Also, flocks of pigeons to feed who waddle inside. Be a good samaritan and hold the door.

Nitobe Garden

Beautiful Japanese garden.

And you don’t have to pay to get in!

The Boulevard

The Boulevard has the best coffee in the best atmosphere Wreck Beach on campus, though it’s best •Wreck Beach Wanna get naked?

Vancouavoided if you can’t stand the •Koerner’s Patio sound of Joanna Newsom.

•McDonald’s (the only place ver’s only nude beach! to get food at 3am)

Aquatic Centre

Chantelle Chan

U P E

Some of the best positioned real estate on campus. And if you get in, you can live with five other students and share a tiny kitchen. Hurrah! The flat screen TVs are a plus, UBC Bookstore Or maybe it’s called UBC though.

Central now? Who knows.

It’s where you get your U- The Village Pass, textbooks and UBC Cheap food, the only liquor Card. Be prepared for days store on campus and a Staand days of line-ups. ples. The only 24-hour McDonald’s and a late night Pita Pit. And Fresh Slice has $1.75 Clock tower It rings every hour, making slices of pizza! that side of campus sound all collegey and reminding you The Endowment Lands that you’re late for class.

Mansions. Tons of mansions.

•The Forestry Building •Pacific Spirit Park •Anywhere on my bike

ey

Ubyss

The

Ekaterina Dovjenko

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Gage Residence

T

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The “womb”—the upstairs bleacher section of the pool— is one of the best places to nap on campus.

AN

The Knoll is one of my favourite places on campus, I absolutely love it. Wreck Beach—it’s probably magical to a certain degree.

Stepan Soroka •The double-set in the Rose Garden.

•The curved up ledge off of Student Boulevard.

•The BC Liquor Store.

10 Map

Brock Hall

Enchanted Forest

Bus loops

RCMP

Where you give away all your savings to pay for tuition and the like. Employment services and counselling are there too.

The scraggly patch of trees behind Totem Park where people get high. Eventually, an evicted student will build a tarp fort and live there.

Your way out of the UBC Yes, careful planning—right bubble. next to the frats.

Beaty Biodiversity Museum Thunderbird Stadium

THEY HAVE A BLUE FUCK- Home to the football team, it’s ING WHALE. been quiet over the past few years as market housing and artificial playing turf have put Bouncy bushes Drunk or sober, just jump and an end to the concerts that were once held there. feel like an astronaut.

The University of British Columbia

LOWER MALL

WEST MALL

EAST MALL

NW MARINE DR

MAIN MALL

WESBROOK MALL

Map 11

12 Advertisement

Power T

his area is the largest city in Canada without a local government. UBC is both developer, owner and legislator of the entire campus. Yes, it’s weird. No, it’s not ideal. Politics here can seem like soggy Alpha-Bits cereal— muddled, full of weird letters and ultimately not worth your time. But think of the intrigue you’d miss out on!

President Stephen Toope:

Federal: Joyce Murray

Notes on the 12 UBC prez: •Toope was appointed president in 2006 and was just reappointed to a second term.

Like any president in their second term, he’s legacyhunting—in this case, to make UBC the most sustainable thingamabob in the world.

•In his spare time, he doubles UBC is part of the federal ridas a human rights expert. ing of Vancouver Quadra. The current Member of Parlia•While technically he may ment is Joyce Murray of the be an academic, he’s now the federal Liberal Party, who has head of a billion-dollar or- held the seat since 2008. It’s ganization—his job is to del- considered a Liberal strongegate, mediate, have a vision hold, and has been held by and raise money. Not care that party since 1984. about your grades.

The Board of Governors

The UNA

Provincial: Christy Clarke

The Board of Governors (BoG) is UBC’s final decision-making body. As UBC doesn’t have any sort of municipal representation (since it pulled out of the Greater Vancouver Regional District in 2010), the BoG makes the kind of decisons normally made by cities. Interestingly enough, the BoG is mostly made up of appointed members, with only three elected student reps. Sounds real democratic, eh?

The University Neighbourhoods Association (UNA) is a pseudo-municipal body created in 2002 to represent the nearly 6000 residents on campus. The student rep is the AMS VP Academic. The UNA has a hand in noise, parking and animal regulations. They look out for the long-term interests of owners of market housing developments and are often at odds with students.

UBC is located in the provincial Vancouver-Point Grey riding. Our current Member of the Legislative Assembly is Premier Christy Clark of the Liberal Party, who gained the seat in a by-election in May 2011 after former premier Gordon Campbell stepped down.

Vancouver-Point Grey has been the home riding of BC premiers since 2006. As you can guess, we haven’t really seen them around that often.

th

Power 13

The Alma Mater Society AMS Council The Alma Mater Society (AMS) is the official student union for UBC’s Vancouver campus. AMS Council, which directs the society, is made up of 45 representatives, most of whom are elected through their faculty constituencies.

Five executives are elected in an annual student-wide election to handle the day-to-day business of the AMS. They discuss and shape the representative student voice, and are, for better or worse, your advocates. The U-Pass?

That was them. They also handle your health and dental insurance, lobby governments on your behalf and administer campus clubs. Also, you’re almost guaranteed an interesting scandal once a year. Stay tuned.

President Jeremy McElroy Oversees the student AMS Executive and makes policy.

VP AcademicMatt Parson Elected to be a liaison with the university on academic matters.

VP Finance Elin Tayyar

VP Admin Mike Silley Oversees clubs and the new SUB project, to be completed in 2014.

Responsible for overseeing the $15 million AMS budget.

VP External Katie Tyson Tip: Show up to AMS Council meetings for the free food.

They meet every second Wedneday.

Lobbies governments and organizations on student issues.

U DE T S

Panel: Do student politics matter?

14 Power

U

The

Ricardo Bortolon

It does matter because each They matter if you want to Council that comes inUwants be involved in things where byss people care about that sort of to leave their mark. It might ey like politics, journalism or not be obvious in day-to-day stuff, life, but students are affected management, or want to stay by it whether or not they are at the university for a long time, aware of it—like the initia- and you want to work for the tive to bring in compostable university, it’s great. If this isn’t cutlery. Things like that defi- the case, it still matters, because nitely make a difference. the AMS is spending your money and you should care about where it goes.

AN

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No. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter at the end of the day. In a very, very non-visible level at UBC, there’s some things it impacts. But in reality, day-to-day, if you’re a student, no.

Erin Roeder

NT

Anthony Bryson

EL

Living Rez Life P16 Eating P20 Sex P22 Help! P25

Rez life Y

ou’ve packed your bags, waved goodbye to mom and dad, and are ready to begin that authentic university experience. Pure, sweet freedom. The freedom to screw up your budget and have no safety net, that is. If you’re going to survive and thrive in rez, you need the right attitude.

What your rez contract says about booze: •“Drinking alcoholic beverages or carrying unsealed liquor is permitted only in residents’ rooms, designated floor lounges, and at licensed residence events.”

•“Participating in drinking games is not permitted. Drinking games are games which involve the consumption of alcohol and usually involve swift consumption and/or high volume consumption. Some examples are: ‘beerpong,’ ‘funnelling,’ ‘shotgunning’ using a bier stick or otherwise, ‘quarters,’ and ‘floor crawls.’”

The rez rundown Homesick?

Sexiled!

You may not realize it at first, but moving away from home is a huge shock. You are divorced from the social support systems that you’ve relied on in difficult times.

You are a small fish that’s just been thrown into a very big pond. It’s natural to feel home sick.

According to UBC’s National College Health Assessment, 25 per cent of female and 14 per cent of male undergraduate students have felt homesick at some point in their first year. Remember, you’re not alone in this. Try to keep in touch with friends and family from back home.

There may come a time when your roommate needs to have sex. It is best to casually bring up this possibility before it happens, to set up ground rules and avoid a truly awkward situation. Even better, come up with a secret “sexile” code. For example, if one roommate puts on Sting’s “Fields of Gold,” it’s time to GTFO.

16 Rez life

•“Possession and/or consumption of ‘common source’ alcohol (e.g.: keg cans, large containers of pre-mixed alcohol, et cetera) within residence is prohibited.”

What your rez contract means about booze: •Drink in your room or commons. If you get caught out in the halls, you’ll be shunted back into one of these respective areas. Housing defines a party as seven or more people plus music or booze.

The Points system

•Don’t get caught playing drinking games. If it has a rule and involves drinking, it’s a drinking game.

Three strikes and you’re out!

Points are awarded misdeeds.

They stay on your record for a year and if you manage to accumulate three of these suckers, you’ll be out on your ass.

•“Common source alcohol” is a very flexible term. Sometimes it’s a 1.14 litre bottle, but the occasional RA will stretch this to the two-six you’re splitting with a friend.

Drugs

Chill

Sleek

Busy

Light

mesmerizing

Fun Social

Loud

Windows Close to beach

Far

Party Weird sounds

Ask the panel We asked the panel to describe each rez in five words. Here’s the rez life conventional wisdom.

Traditional

TOTEM

Bland Caf Smart Civilized

Studious

Grown up Light

Ugly

Gamble

Eclectic

Views

North Loud Swanky

independent Hangover

Tall

GAGE

Concrete

Bleak “Six girls in every room”

coffee

Homey

Forboding Quaint

Location

Ultimate

FAIRVIEW

Far Away

overpriced

“Too far to care about”

Unique Fun

Upper-year

Fancy

Beautiful

and great view”

VANIER

Privileged

Friendly Green

Freedom

Support

Stinks Introductions Dark Experience

Drinking

New

Last resort

Community

Awesome

Old

“Amazing sunsets

View Dirty

Fire alarms Interesting Laughter

MARINE

Video games

Losing virginity

Cozy Rez life 17

Caf facts

T

he cafeterias in Totem and Vanier are wonderfully convenient and tasty, but if you’re not smart, they’ll rip you off and make you fat. Here are some tips on stretching out your meal dollars and dodging the Freshman 15.

•Be careful in Totem and Vanier, as the salads are priced by weight. If you load up on garnishes such as hardboiled eggs and olives, you’ll be paying.

•It is never a good idea to combine Fruit Loops and ice cream, no matter how hard you try to rationalize it.

•Don’t buy drinks. If you buy two $1.50 drinks per

18 Rez life

day, you will be paying Magda’s and Hubbard’s: roughly $90 a month.

A convenience store is a necessity for any undergraduate •The grill will make you fat. with a) late-night munchies, The caf provides healthy op- b) midterm cramming around tions—get them. the corner, or c) a hatred of both the cafeteria and cook•Get friendly with the staff. ing. They’re slightly more expensive than a normal corner •Buy the minimum meal plan. store and lacking in variety, You can add money when you but you’re not really going need it, and it’s hard to get re- to walk to the Village at this imbursed if you have any left time of night, are you? That’s over at the end of the year. what we thought.

Eating F

ood is good. But when you’re a university student, food is often the last thing on your mind. Between the essays and exams, the hooch and hangovers, the most pleasurable of life’s necessities often gets pushed to the side. But with the right know-how, you can overcome your post-high school hunger pains.

Free and cheap Eating around campus can be expensive and mundane, unless you know the right tricks.

During the first month of classes, many, many clubs and groups will try to woo you with free food take advantage of that. The first meetings at many of the bigger clubs will have refreshments, and the dry rushes at fraternity houses are another excellent source of nourishment.

After the first month, food is still plentiful at various student government and university meetings throughout the year. The AMS council meets every second Wednesday on the top floor of the SUB and the meal is paid for with your student fees, so make sure you eat up.

The Graduate Student Society, which tends to have better food than the AMS, also meets once a month. The GSS has also been known in previous years to provide free beer at their meetings on the third Thursday of the month in the GSS ballroom.

Best Food—One More 20 Eating

The UBC Senate also meets erratically on indeterminate Wednesdays. And if you’re willing to listen to speeches about noise complaints and gardening policy, the University Neighbourhoods Association has a lovely cheese platter once a month.

However, the best free food you will find comes from our friends at Sprouts, who take all the leftover food from the week and turn it into some delicious grub they serve on Fridays at noon. Head to the SUB basement early, as the line gets huge. Best part: it’s all volunteer-run and vegetarian. The only catch is that you have to bring your own fork and bowl, but it’s well worth it.

If you can’t get at the free food, you can always give cheap a try. Every Friday at 3pm, the Delly (in the basement of the SUB) slashes their prices dramatically to get rid of all of their food for the weekend. It’s a great time to stock up on whatever you want.

Best Value—Delly

Panel Responses BEST FOOD One More (x3) Tim Horton’s Pendulum Sprouts Blue Chip The Village The Point Grill

BEST VALUE Delly (x3) Pendulum Tim Horton’s Curry Point Agora Bernoulli’s

WORST FOOD Starbucks McDonald’s The Moon Totem Caf Delly Red Burrito The Pit

WORST VALUE Mahony’s (x5) Starbucks Rez hall without a meal plan Faculty building coffee shops

Worst Value—Mahony’s

Late-night eats There will often be a time when it’s late and you’re hungry (read: drunk). Luckily for you, there are a few late-night options to soothe your ravaging hunger. Both Totem and Vanier have little variety marts (Magda’s and Hubbard’s, re-

spectively) that are open to 11pm, where you can stock up on all the instant noodles you could ever desire.

If either your books or your bottles are keeping you up late, Pita Pit and Fresh Slice in the Village are magnets

for hungry fiends. Alas, even those close, and in the most desperate moments, you can always stagger over to the Golden Arches, which shine brightly 24/7. Or better yet, go to Calhoun’s on Broadway to eat AND study.

Parents With your newly won independence, your parents are likely to come down with empty nest syndrome and will want to spend more time with you than they did in high school. So when they come down to campus to visit, get a good meal out of it. The Pendulum in the SUB is good for a quick, sit-down meal, for the time and cash conscious.

If you think cash is no worry to them, give Koerner’s or the Point Grill a try.

Sage Bistro, a favourite of professors and visiting dignitaries is—contrary to popular belief—merely a decent meal.

The food is over-priced and mediocre, while the atmosphere is stuffy with faux Ivy League pretensions.

The best place to sit down (if you’re of age, that is) is Mahony’s. With excellent food and beer-a-plenty, it’s certainly the best choice if someone else brings out the wallet at the end of the night.

E UD N

U P

Burgoo. It’s good food, but it’s comforting, especially if it’s a rainy day and you just want soup and a sandwich.

The

ey

Ubyss

Kate Piotrowski

Alicia Woodside

L

ST

Alex Lush

T

Panel: Where should you take your parents to eat?

ANE

My dad and I religiously go Sage Bistro. But make sure to the Naam. It’s not classy or they pay. anything like that but it’s really clean.

Eating 21

Sex Y

ou may think you’ve escaped the immaturity of high school romance when you get to UBC. Think again.

Flirting, sex, relationships and breakups are just as emotionally fraught at 21 as they were at 16. The locker room gossip may be gone, but hormones can still screw up everything.

Your student health plan is better than you think, especially with sex. The Shoppers Drug Mart on campus, for example, is set up so that you don’t have to deal with annoying forms.

Here’s what’s covered:

$10-25

The cost of a three month supply of most generic birth control pills at 80 per cent of regular price.

Monthly free pills are available at the Shoppers on campus.

$130

The cost of one HPV vaccination. You’ll pay up front, but you receive $150 of coverage per year.

Your Bedside Survival Guide Condoms.

Tissues.

$5

The cost of Plan B (the morning after pill) with your health plan.

$10.50 Cost of buying 20 condoms

Don’t rely on your partner or Because no one really wants at the Wellness Centre in the roommate for your supply. cum all over their new towels. SUB. They also have free ones.

Stock a variety of lubricated/ unlubricated condoms (or dental dams!) in different sizes.

$40

The cost of Plan B without your health plan.

Lube.

Vibrators.

Just stick with simple, waterbased lubricant. Lube makes things less painful and more enjoyable. Whether you usually use it or not, keep it on hand.

Whether you’re still dating that guy from your hometown, believe in abstinence or are too The cost of an STI test at the busy studying to get laid, an student health clinic at UBC orgasm is great for stress relief. Hospital.

22 Sex

$0

STIs: Don’t freak out, you’re not going to die

G

et tested regularly. It takes about 15 minutes and doesn’t involve anything uncomfortable except for the drawing of three vials of blood and peeing in a cup. Call the student health centre at the UBC Hospital to book your appointment (604.822.7011). Ladies, get your pap smears every year to check for cervical cancer. Too scared to tell your past partners you have something? Visit inspot.org to tell them anonymously and get more information.

Common STIs on university campuses Genital warts (HPV).

The “common cold” of STIs, there isn’t really a test for them and they can be transmitted even if you use condoms. Seventy-five per cent of Canadians will contract HPV at some point in their life and may exhibit no symptoms. So basically, it’s the luck of the draw as to whether you’ll get warts.

Chlamydia/gonorrhea.

It hurts down there and you don’t know why, or you just feel weirdly uncomfortable. They’ll ask you to pee in a cup and will probably give you free antibiotics to treat it, even if you don’t have anything.

Urinary tract infections.

If it hurts when you pee, go to the doctor. Ladies, pee after you have sex. Anything insertable should be kept clean. If you get UTIs regularly, buy a bottle of cranberry pills to pop when you feel one coming on, or visit your doctor. They can prescribe medication to take after sex to prevent infection.

STIs that start with H. Herpes, hepatitis and HIV are serious health concerns that make having sex super awkward. Always wear a condom.

Tip: The UBC Wellness Centre sells a line of sex toys— at cost! The Lady’s Choice five inch vibrator costs only five dollars, and comes in black, ivory, lavender and pink!

Sex 23

The long-distance relationship So, you’ve decided to stick with your long-term boyfriend or girlfriend while you’re away in university. Good for you!

There are a few things you can do to make a long-distance relationship slightly more rewarding, such as video calling on Skype or sending gifts in the mail. Your attention will help quell feelings of jealousy. But beware: balance is key when it comes to contact.

You might be sad and wish to spend every ten minutes calling or texting “just to say hi”— don’t. It’s smothering. Troubles could eventually arise if you find yourself growing in a different direction from your mate—like when you find out they don’t know who Christy Clark is. What happens when you realize you don’t really know the person you’re dating anymore? See “The Turkey Dump”

24 Sex

The “Turkey Dump”

OR

Still dating your highschool sweetheart? Break up. A long-distance relationship will only serve as a distraction from getting your degree (stress), meeting new people ( jealousy), having fun (Skype date nights), and just experiencing everything that UBC has to offer (like the 45,000 hotties). Hell, even Vancouver to Surrey should count as long distance. Whether this inevitable break up has been a long time coming or you have a sudden reality check, Thanksgiving (early October) is the perfect excuse for a long weekend trip home to visit your parents and break up in person. Be sure to do it on the Friday so you have ample time to go through denial, have break up sex, celebrate your newfound freedom with your old friends, cry and then eat your feelings with pumpkin pie.

Help!

W

hen you have no money, or no friends, or no chance at passing a course, just remember—there’s a way out, and it usually starts by talking to someone at UBC. No one goes through life without adversity, and if it happens here, there are plenty of resources available.

Money problems How you wound up with no money is immaterial. The point is, you have none, and need it fast. Here are a few things you can do:

Find a job.

1

There are literally thousands of casual labour jobs on campus, all paying $9-15 an hour, none of which require more than 15-20 hours a week.

Check out Career Services for job postings.

Better yet, if you have a second-year friend with an on-campus job, ask them if their workplace is hiring.

Get a line of credit from your bank.

2

Lines of credit from your bank can actually be more affordable than a student loan, especially if you and your family already have accounts in place.

Contact Student Financial Assistance.

3

Grade problems

If you’re eligible for a bursary or need a student loan, they’ll help you. UBC has a policy that “no eligible student will be prevented from commencing or continuing his or her studies at the university for financial reasons alone.” It’s the guarantee they make to justify high tuition—so best take advantage if you can.

I know you probably think that you're going to be one of the few who keep their university grades the same as in high school. But you probably won't. In fact, they might fall. By a lot.

1

Withdraw: If you're doing terribly in a course and you're less than 40 per cent of the way through it, you can withdraw, with only a "W" instead of a number on your transcript to show for it. Check the academic calendar for more details. Even if it's past the deadline, you can withdraw if you get permission from your faculty.

If you've had a family emergency, they're understanding. Oh, and you're also out the $600 you paid for the course.

2

Just show up: You have to be stupid to flunk out of university. Not stupid-dumb, just stupid-not-using-your-brain. So long as your grade average is above 55 per cent each term (Google "UBC academic probation," followed by your faculty) you should be fine. And as it's pretty hard to get below 65 per cent if you just show up for class and finish assignments—which is what you're here for, anyway—you don't have any excuse for flunking.

Help! 25

Breakdowns Mental Health If you ever need help, UBC has the following services available to lend an ear.

Counseling Services 1040 Brock Hall 604.822.3811 Offers services to help UBC students cope with stress, anger, depression and relationships, among other things. They also offer group counselling programs.

AMS Speakeasy UBC has free counselling services. They have, courtesy of your health plan, free referral services as well. They are available for emergency appointments (604.822.3811).

Not only that, they’re available to document any mental or psychological illness you might have, in case you need an academic concession. If you feel that life is getting to be too much for whatever reason, you don’t have to visit them at Brock Hall. But doing so won’t hurt.

Finally, regardless of what the situation is, let people know what you’re going through. Many university students are alone for the first time, without family or friends to act as a support group; when things go bad, they suffer in silence. Don’t be that person. Talk to your roommate or RA. More importantly, make sure you’re getting out and trying to find a community. If you reach out, chances are you’ll find someone who’s been in your shoes.

SUB, North Concourse, Main Level 604.822.3777 “A supportive ear” for those experiencing distress, including substance abuse, sexuality issues, exam stress and relationship problems.

UBC Ombuds 1043-1874 East Mall 604.822.6149 Empowers students when dealing with fairness concerns with the institution.

Panel: What can you do to make UBC a better place?

U

ST

26 Help!

U P

Alex Lush

Just be respectful and con- Get involved. Find a club that siderate to your classmates. interests sey you, so you get more Don’t litter. Find a respectful bysout of your experience than U place to smoke a joint. Don’t just going to class and then ride your longboard through going home. Most of my most puddles h with e your sandals, rewarding experiences at becauseTit makes you look like UBC have been non-academa kook. If you’re going to ride ic, and they help you grow in to class, practice first. other ways.

L

Smile. Holy shit, people walk around pouting on this campus. We’re tired as fuck and some of us look like zombies.

I’ll be walking around and I’m the girl with the iPod on and earbuds in singing. People might be laughing at me, but I can make them smile.

DENT Stepan Soroka

E

Kate Piotrowski

Academics

Studying P28 Courses P30

Studying T

o quote Louie CK, “you do what you can to improve it, but in the end, there’s a limit. Because it’s school.

And ‘school sucks.’ Remember?” There’s no way you can make studying enjoyable all the time. But you can at least make it tolerable, even occasionally pleasant. Here’s how.

What are your top study tips?

How to survive the long term study binge

Dave Fernig Take advantage of office hours. UBC is a top school and your instructor is likely an expert in their field. Don’t pass up the opportunity to talk to them.

T

EN D U

y bysse Writing out your U own notes is e helpful for digesting inThvery formation. Really pay attention in class to the examples the professor gives—it can help you flesh out an answer when writing tests. Write out your own questions and answer them.

Stay nourished. Take breaks.

This doesn’t mean having a Big Mac and Coke every hour.

Pack fruits and veggies to give your body and mind strength.

Need some primo study food?

Try a salmon or tuna sandwich: mash up a can of fish with mayo; spread on bread; add lettuce. A sandwich is better than a Big Mac when you need to feed your brain.

You’re not going to learn anything if you’ve been power studying for ten hours straight in the basement of Koerner Library. Abandon your study cubicle and go outside for some fresh air. You’ll feel rejuvenated when you come back in. Even better, get some exercise. Run around the library a few times.

Sleep on it.

Switch it up.

L

T

U P E Erin Roeder

AN

Stepan Soroka

Study your material the night before, not just the day of.

When you sleep, your brain Organize your time. But that goes through everything never works so I recommend you’ve done the previous day just make a lot of time for and essentially re-studies the reading. material for you. Win! 28 Studying

Can’t get a concept? Write out key points on a flashcard and see if you can remember the points and expand on them aloud. Memorization is fine to a point, but it’s by truly learning and knowing the material that you’ll succeed.

Where to study: IKB or Koerner?

What are the best study spots?

Kate Piotrowski

IKB is a jungle; it just becomes a living place for a lot of the students. You see them camping out there, just sleeping there on the benches at all times of the day and they have their little wall of garbage that’s built up around them.

ST

Irving K Barber (IKB)

EN D U

Irving K Barber (IKB): New, beautiful library with tons of group study spaces where talking quietly is allowed. Also home to two key study spots on campus: the silent study Riddington Room, with a two-storey wall of UBC presidential portraits, and the Chapman Learning Commons, with high ceilings and a grand atmosphere. Both are the closest UBC comes to Hogwarts. It is also nearly impossible to find a seat.

U P Ekaterina Dovjenko

The Asian Studies Library: they have cubicles, way less people, more freehstudy T e spots and a freaking moat.

Alex Lush

A

Irving, since they have the private study rooms you can book online.

Koerner Library Most of the study cubicles are located in the semi-basement sub levels, although cubicles with a view can be found along the windows of the above-ground levels. Not as bright and shiny as IKB, but has a lot of quiet, more secluded study areas. Although Koerner’s Pub has yet to reopen this year, the library and the pub are named after the same wealthy donor.

Be sure to clarify whether your study group wants to meet you at the pub or the library before you commit to a Friday night before a final exam.

Eric MacKinnon

I stick with Woodward because I’m in health sciences, but it’s a bit of a dump. Best library is Irving.

Studying 29

Courses Y

our courses are what you’re going to be spending a lot of time concerned wth during your degree, so you better know how to make the most of them. With literally thousands of courses available, how to get the most value for your dollar is something you’ll have to learn—and the sooner, the better.

Talking to the right people

Advising

Get the right prof

There are A LOT of things that can go wrong in degree planning. See an advisor regularly, especially before you register for your final year, to make sure that everything will flow smoothly. The last thing you want is to get to your final term and find out you’re missing a class. You know what happens then?

Your fifth year. (Or sixth, in some cases.)

• Know your prof. You’d be surprised by how many classes you can ace just by cultivating a good relationship with the professor. Participate in class, speak with the prof after class and attend office hours.

TAs

If you have a tutorial worth ten per cent of your grade, you need to actually attend the tutorial to get the marks.

It’s essentially like having a second professor. In most classes with a tutorial, it’s going to be the TA who is mark• Research your prof. Your ing your exams and papers. enjoyment of a class is heavily See the section on professors dependent upon who delivers and follow the same tips. the material. Search ratemyprof.com or ask someone in Tip: If your TA is grading your your program for advice before paper, make sure they know Tip: Do a grad check before go- signing up for a class. who you are. Try asking about ing into your fourth year. their research.

What to ask at the start of any class Unless it’s a required course, you should have a little room to pick and choose the classes in your degree. When you receive the syllabus on the first day of class, ask yourself some questions.

Is the professor engaging enough to stick around?

Am I comfortable with the assignments?

Follow your instincts. If a professor feels off, do more research on him/her before committing to the class.

Am I interested in the course description?

Is this course required for my degree?

You might have some options if you’re taking the course as an elective. Make sure you like the subject matter, and it will be easier.

If it is, you’ve usually got to just buck up and take it. If you hate the subject, then you should consider changing your major.

You might want to reconsider if it’s your first year and 50 per cent of your grade is a 25 page term paper; if you hate group assignments and that’s where your entire grade comes from; or if you hate speaking out in class and 20 per cent of the grade is from classroom participation and attendance. But there’s something to be said for stepping out of your comfort zone.

30 Courses

Making the most of your time in class

A) Fun class B) Class you need to graduate C) Classes with open seats

wo t k c i P

•Turn off your computer and take notes by hand. This way you won’t be tempted by Facebook or tempting others sitting behind you with your totally awesome pictures. It also helps visual learners to retain the information they are hearing.

Credit/D/Fail: take courses risk free Credit/D/Fail is a new course option offered at UBC, in which a student can enroll and receive either a credit, D or fail for a class instead of a percentage grade. Here’s what you can and can’t do.

You can: •Worry less about your grade and focus on learning for learning’s sake. Try the computer science class that’s always intrigued you without suffering a drop in GPA. •Count the credits towards electives in your degree.

•Engage with your peers.

See a cute boy/girl in class?

Sit next to them. Who knows, You can’t: maybe you’ll sit next to a cool •Take degree requirements as chick, become friends with her, join her at production Credit/D/Fail. Those have to day at The Ubyssey and then be done the hard way. become news editor the fol• Take more than six credits lowing year. Talking to peoof Credit/D/Fail courses and ple in class can yield the most have them count as electives. amazing experiences.

• Not attend class. You still need to get above a D average •Speak up. Nobody likes that in the class, or else the per- awkward silence when the centage counts towards your prof asks a question and waits GPA. for an answer. It takes the pressure off of those who like • Take any classes in Credit/D/ to speak up often when othFail. It will indicate in the ers voice their opinion. That’s course description if Credit/D/ what attending a university Fail option is available for that is for—interacting with and class. learning from others.

Tip: If the course is full, email the prof. At the very least, you’ll be put on a wait list. If you get Tip: Make a prof friend. You’ll need one as a reference at some point, and maybe they’ll take you for intellectual beers. lucky, they’ll let you in.

If you’re stuck, how do you survive a bad class?

Dave Fernig

Find some friends in the class. It helps a lot, since you can work on things together, bitch about the prof together, and it eases the pain of the class.

Alex Lush

Don’t get stuck in a bad class in the first place. Classes are expensive and grades follow you around forever. If you have any doubts about a class you’re in, drop it.

Kate Piotrowski

For St. Patrick’s Day I made a drinking game out of this course that I went to because it was so damn predictable.

Courses 31

Fun

Drinking P34 Outdoors P37 Drugs P39 Sports P41

Drinking W

hile the legal drinking age in BC is 19, this is university, and if you choose to break the law, you’ll have both plenty of company and plenty of options. There is no right way or wrong way to enjoy yourself when inhibitions drop and blood-alcohol content rises. But we asked our humour columnist Bryce Warnes to give his take on the subject.

A

re you finding univer- ant nature walk and a great sity life overwhelm- workout for your quads. Sliding?

Try getting ing a six pack of Lucky down drunk. your gullet will make an EngAlcohol makes it easier to lish degree seem worth accumeet new friends and numbs mulating $45,000 in debt. the horror of impending After lubricating your anxadulthood. Four or five shots ieties until they slip away, of vodka can make the crowd there is further fun to be had. at Pit Night seem like an in- Once the three bars on camteresting, enlightened group pus close, you’ll need to find of people. Two litres of cider a way to work off your aboveturns the descent to Wreck average blood-alcohol level.

Beach at 1am into a pleas- Try some of the following.

34 Drinking

The bouncy bushes Between East and Main Mall, University Boulevard becomes a parking lot. It is decorated with low-lying, tangled hedges that you can jump on, feet first, and bounce. Doing so with gusto opens up the possibility of backflips or flying bush duels to the death. When you’re done with your shit-faced acrobatics, you can lie down right there and sleep it off.

Eat a McGangbang Steam Tunnels

A McGangbang is a DIY special at McDonald’s that consists of a Junior Chicken sandwich placed, as a whole, between the patties of a double cheeseburger. Consumed sober, the combination of spicy faux-chicken breast crunchiness and nondescript grey beefiness (with pickles!) is liable to make your teeth explode from the side of your head and instantly kill anyone within a ten foot radius. Consumed drunk or stoned, a McGangbang will trigger multiple squirting flavourgasms. Those with vegetarian/vegan/locavore/ kosher/halal diets will find abandoning their normal eating habits for an evening is well worth the pleasures that a McGangbang offers.

If you know a guy who knows a guy, you may be able to find one of the few remaining entrances to this UBC adventuring staple.

Ideal tunnel activities: having sex or smoking a doobie.

Be warned, however, that doing either will increase your chances of sustaining potentially groinal hot pipe burns.

Wreck Beach When the Vikings discovered Wreck Beach 1100 years ago, they dedicated it to Freya, goddess of free love and groovy times. To this day, the Beach is a haven for the bare and the buzzed.

Piss on the cairn The engineering cairn on Main Mall is a rare product of what could be termed “student culture” or even “school pride,” and as such it is constantly the target of abuse. On any given night of the year, you can join the long list of cairn-befouling inebriates who came before you.

N That’s it!

o, seriously, there is nothing else fun to do at UBC late at night when you are drunk.

The Point Grey Campus is primarily a housing development/retirement community whose wrinkled, incontinent inhabitants frown on dusk

Trespassing The favourite option for afterhours trespassing on campus used to be the outdoor pool

by War Memorial Gym. Since last year, though, it has been protected by a steel structure designed to filet any student who tries to jump off the high dive. But don’t fret—there are plenty of other places to consider. The steam tunnels are a classic destination, if you can find an entrance. Nitobe Gardens are a popular option as well. And if the weather is good and you’re up for the stairs, Wreck Beach is the place for bonfires and skinny dipping.

Athletic types who wish to take their after-hours dickfoolery to the next level (literally) can check out the VOC’s guide to buildering around campus (ubc-voc. com/wiki/UBC_buildering).

You will find a selection of illustrated climbing routes for buildings around UBC. Following their directions is a great way to test your mettle against gravity and find out how good you are at not breaking your body.

til dawn dance parties or any 24-hour eating establishment that serves more than the most cursory attempts at food. You’re better off finding fun times elsewhwere. Even Kits has more to offer than this place. Sheeeeyit!

Drinking 35

T

Packed hockey friendly cozy best comfortable

karaoke impress

morning after

dark

mismanaged

KOERNER’S

36 Drinking

loud

cheap

underaged Irish PIT blackouts dingy Big Wednesdays underground Once awesome

Closed til further notice!

responsibilities

RAs

Beers Yam fries social

space

DORM

relaxing

bagels regular

MAHONY’S

upscale

pricey

GALLERY

cheap nachos

awkward awesome

his campus has precious few drinking holes, though each has its own unique ambiance.

We asked our student panel what they associated with each bar. We also weighed in on Koerner’s, the closed grad student pub, and the virtues of dorm drinking.

Outdoors A

large part of the student experience is consuming copious amounts of alcohol and doing crazy things with your friends. But you can also have a lot of fun while attending UBC without drinking any booze at all. Wait—why are you turning the page? That wasn't a joke!

Gardens

If you need to get a lot of reading done in a quiet place, or just love being surrounded by flowers and pretty things, UBC has a couple of very nice options. While the Van Dusen Botanical Gardens are hyped in the guide books, the Nitobe Memorial Garden on campus is a lesser-known jewel.

A second option is the Rose Garden, which is just past the giant Canada flagpole at the far north end of campus. With a sweeping view of the ocean and mountains, you won’t be lacking for eye candy.

Beaches

Count Wreck Beach as a tourist attraction that actually lives up to the hype. Since we can’t exactly call it a hidden treasure, we’ll just refer to it as a place full of riches (and on sunny days, a fair number of naked old men). Whether you want to get away from the crowd and veg out in natural surroundings or head down for a campfire with a bunch of friends, Wreck Beach can accommodate you. But with the police threatening to step up patrols for alcohol consumption, you may also want to keep the nearby Spanish Tip: Keep an eye out for the Banks in mind for late-night UBC Botanical Garden’s peren- gatherings. Either way, please nial plant sale at the beginning don’t be a dick: pick up your of September. trash.

Pacific Spirit Park

You may have noticed that between UBC and the city there is a gigantic, beautiful park filled with trails. If you don’t spend at least one afternoon hiking, running or biking on them, you’ve done yourself a disservice. Stanley Park gets all the fame, but Pacific Spirit Park is a less crowded, more rewarding experience. Plus it’s closer to campus.

Tip: Enter Swordfern trail on the north side of University Boulevard near the church.

Bring a bike that can handle some trail riding. Stay on Swordfern for a bumpy ride down to Spanish Banks. Well worth the ride uphill!

Outdoors 37

Panel: What local tourist traps are best avoided?

Ricardo Bortolon

The Grouse Grind is a bad hike. Too many people do it at the same time and there’s no good views.

Ekaterina Dovjenko

Tourist traps

EN D U

The Gastown clock—it’s just a clock, and it’s not even a steam clock. It’s fake steam!

There are so many cool things in Vancouver that are less touristy.

U P

ST

Depending on who you ask, a number of Vancouver’s landmarks are little more than tourist traps. Stanley Park, the Grouse Grind, the Capilano Suspension Bridge and Gastown are, as a rule, always crawling with people. While all of them can be quite enjoyable if you visit them on a day that isn’t crowded, they should be avoided on sunny weekends when all of the tourists will be elbowing you out of the way.

The Dave Fernig

Uby

AN

There is a suspension bridge in Lynn Valley that is bigger and better than Capilano— plus, it’s free.

Erin Roeder I like all the tourist traps! I Vancouver’s downtown museums are nice, but a little pricey. think everyone should go to UBC boasts two museums that are cheap to visit and provide all of them. a rich learning experience. The Museum of Anthropology is larger and better-known, but don’t forget about the new Beatty Biodiversity Museum. It’s the one with the ginormous whale skeleton in the window.

Museums

38 Outdoors

Drugs Y

up, we know they’re illegal. In many cases, even dangerous. But we also know you’re university students, and sooner or later you may be peer-pressured. Period.

So here’s a rundown of what you need to know when faced with that inevitable decision.

How to navigate the West Coast’s infamous drug subculture Weed

What to expect: You will have a newfound appreciation for philosophy, greasy food and YouTube videos. You may also fall asleep.

N

Where to do it:

T

Wreck Beach, wooded areas and anywhere with plentiful video games.

Stop when: You don’t recognize your

yssey friends’ faces and you lose

L

the ability to produce a coherent sentence.

EShrooms What to expect:

MDMA What to expect:

You will love everyone. Liter- You will be horny. Happy, too. ally everyone. You may also But mostly horny. feel like you’ve achieved Enlightenment.

Where to do it:

Where to do it:

Salvia

What to expect: You will be high for five minutes or less. But in that time you’ll experience an hour’s worth of overwhelming emotion.

Where to do it:

If you can’t make it to a sunny beach in Thailand, you may have to settle for a backyard patio.

Any place good for enthusi- Somewhere safe. We recomastic long-term copulation. In mend your living room. other words: a king-size bed, a night club bathroom or the tailgate of a truck.

Stop when:

Stop when:

Stop when:

You find it impossible to You’ve sustained an erection You stare into the abyss and conceptualize your own ex- for more than 24 hours or the abyss stares back. istence. you can no longer sit down.

Drugs 39

The serious part If your friend is fucked up, get them help. If you find that you’re skipping class and spending all of your time and money getting wasted, get help. Everyone says that you’re not an alcoholic or drug addict until you’re out of university, which is total bullshit. Know who to turn to if you feel like you are dependent on any kind of substance. Here are some resources.

E UD N

U P

ey

Ubyss

The

Ekaterina Dovjenko

Eric MacKinnon

L

ST Ricardo Bortolon

T

Panel: if you’re going to do drugs, remember...

ANE

Be in a place where you feel Ayahuasca is a bad idea. And Get them from a trusted very comfortable. don’t buy drugs from the na- source and do it for spiritual purposes. ked guy on Wreck Beach.

Overdose

Who to call

Words of Wisdom

•Know where your drugs came from and ask about quality and purity to make sure you have a sense of the strength.

• Don’t do drugs alone. If something goes wrong, make sure you have a buddy.

• Test your drugs by doing a smaller amount than usual.

AMS Wellness Centre

Erowid.org

If someone displays these symptoms, GET HELP:

wellness.centre@ubc.ca

Among its various sexual health services, the Wellness Centre offers workshops on drug and alcohol use.

Alcohol and Drug Information Referral Service 211

Provides blunt and honest information about the effects, experiences, use and risks of most drugs. Includes expert opinions from medical and academic experts.

If you’re having a bad trip:

This provincial governmentsponsored help line provides Try to remind yourself that information on treatment and you’re taking drugs, because • cold skin counselling options. you might forget why you’re • lips and nails turning blue feeling so weird. Have • vomiting someone around who isn’t Pacific Spirit Help Line • seizures taking anything and can be 604.267.3970 • chest pains your drug-nanny by com• very slow breathing A good source for addiction forting you and hanging out • unconsciousness counselling. with you in a quiet place.

Is someone overdosing?

What NOT to do:

UBC Counselling Services Don’t be sketchy

• Don’t put the person in a cold bath or shower • Don’t leave them alone • Don’t roll them onto or leave them on their back • Don’t hit them to wake them up

Offers services to help students cope with stress, anger, depression and relationships, among other things. They also offer group counselling programs.

40 Drugs

604.822.3811

• Stay away from prescription drugs—overdoses and addictions await.

•Press pills are sketchy; you often don’t know what you’re getting.

•Don’t mix drugs with alcohol.

Sports T

hough UBC isn’t known for having thunderous crowds or intense school spirit, the university offers plenty of opportunities for students to get involved with the athletics community and participate in UBC Rec events.

UBC Football The football team hasn’t been to the playoffs in five years but that doesn’t mean that going to a game at Thunderbird Stadium isn’t fun.

The marquee event this year will be UBC’s homecoming game against the University of Alberta on Saturday, September 17 at 2pm. Last year’s crowd exceeded 2500 people, there’s always a raucous beer garden and with any luck, the weather will be nice.

Storm the Wall

UBC Basketball The men’s team is perennially one of the best in the country.

Last year they won the Canada West title and finished third in the nation. Games at War Memorial Gym have the most consistent crowds of any sport on campus. Any game with rival Trinity Western University is a must-see game, owing to the hundreds of fans they bus in.

The result is an electric atmosphere absent from most other varsity games.

S

torm the Wall is an event hosted by UBC Rec that occurs each year at the end of March. It is a team event—though the physically gifted or mentally insane can compete individually—that is broken down into five stages. There is a 205m swim, 450m sprint, 2.8km cycle, 1km run and finally, the storming of a 12-foot flat-surfaced wall. Storm the Wall attracts large crowds and is easily the most anticipated Rec event of the year.

EN D U

Panel: Storm the Wall if...

You want to take part in one of the most awesome intramurals in Canada.

ey

Ubyss Chantelle Chan

Stepan Soroka

L

ST

U P The

T

Alex Lush

ANE

You want an amazing memory You’ve got nothing else going of UBC, even if you’re not on in your life. physically active. You may pull a muscle, but you’ll be fine.

Sports 41

Panel: Must-see sporting event

ST

U P

42 Outdoors

ey

Ubyss

Tracy Pham

Hockey, though I’ve never actually seen a hockey game at UBC.

ANE

The BirdCoop There are a few places to work out on campus (the gym at the Aquatic Centre, Gold’s Gym in the village) but the BirdCoop, located beside the SUB, is perhaps the best deal of the bunch. A student pass for one term is $120 and the gym has enough equipment, weights and machines to keep even the most diehard juice-head happy.

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UBC Rec offers a plethora of intramural sports for those interested in prolonging their athletic careers or for those simply looking for a good Ricardo time. Sports offered include Bortolon ball hockey, volleyball, soccer, The basketball, flag football, ultimate frisbee, ice hockey and dodgeball. To get involved go Homecoming football game. to www.rec.ubc.ca/leagues.

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Intramurals

What does UBC compete at?

Varsity Men and Women: basketball, cross country, field hockey, golf, ice hockey, rowing, rugby, alpine skiing, Nordic skiing, soccer, swimming, track, volleyball. Men: baseball, football. Women: softball.

Intramural leagues The Ultimate [Frisbee] League, Nitrobe Basketball League, Cross Volleyball League, SRC Futsal League, Handley Cup Soccer League, Point Grey Cup Flag Football League, Bodin Ball Hockey League, Todd Ice Hockey League.

Vancouver

Van life P34 Commuting P37

Van life R

esidences are ridiculous fantasy camps, where you eat, sleep, study and play in the same little village. Leave that, and you enter a world of buses, lineups for buses, and god damn it why did that bus pass me again! Note: We showed great restraint in only making one joke about Kerrisdale here.

Point Grey Dunbar Why live here: “Super close Why live here: Kitsilano’s to campus, super close to the forest, a couple of good grocery stores and lots of cute, quaint houses.”

—Chantelle Chan

little sister. “It’s kind of like the Manitoba of Canada­— people forget about it.”

—Ekaterina Dovjenko

Commercial Drive Why live here: “To me

[Commercial] represents the boundary. It’s kind of the great mysterious beyond.”

—Jeremy Whitmer

Affordability: Cheaper than Affordability: Fairly cheap,

so you can buy plenty of food Affordability: Rent and food at the grocery stores...which are relatively cheap. are all too far away.

What to expect: Dogs wearWhat to Expect: Long waits ing sweaters, being on a firstfor the 99, restaurants with name basis with the owner patios, self-referential talk of Dentry’s, neighbours who about East Van. resent you for bringing down Why live here: “Whereisdale?”

–Stepan Soroka their property values.

“If you like old people and quilt stores, then you’re definitely in the right place.”

—Ekaterina Dovjenko Kitsilano, but that’s not saying much.

Kerrisdale

Kitsilano

South Granville

Why live here: “Lots of

Why live here: “If you like

What to expect: Yoga, yoga

“You have plenty of money to spend on things, and you want cheaper rent than Kits.”

—Ricardo Bortolon

Affordability: About the food, lots of shopping, lots of cheapest rent outside of East bars and pubs. You’re close to Vancouver and beyond. the beach and lots of people tend to live there.”

What to Expect: To rent the — Chantelle Chan leaky basement of a couple Affordability: Food or rent. who make over $100,000 a year; the elderly.

Choose. pants, low-fat lattes, Whole Foods Market.

Tip: Buy a copy of Charles Demers’ book Vancouver Special.

Demers is a local comedian and writer who has spent his entire life in Vancouver. This collection of essays is a readable popular history of a city which often forgets where it came from.

44 Van life

Main Why live here: “You prob-

ably have long hair and a moustache.” —Stepan Soroka Affordability:Cheap rent, but it is East Van.

yuppies or a more sophisticated crowd. That and it has really nice shops.”

—Ekaterina Dovjenko

Affordability: You will need

some money. Whatever you need a lot of money depends on how much you like to shop and eat out.

What to Expect: Traffic,

quick and easy ways to waste a paycheque, no grocery cheap groceries, coffee shops. stores.

What to expect: Hipsters,

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Vancouver, BC

Van life 45

Commuting

I

f you can afford to own a car and pay for insurance, gas and parking then stop reading this now...dick. If not, then rejoice! You are about to become a brethren of the BLine. So take out your U-Pass and prepare to have your mind blown by the possibilities of transit.

The U-Pass and late night rides

T

he odds of you living on campus for your entire undergraduate degree are slim to none. Best get used to riding transit ASAP. Here are some tips.

The value of the U-Pass Your U-Pass costs $120 per term. That’s a savings of $51 per month, if you’re only going one zone. According to the Canadian Mortgage and Housing Corporation, using your car costs you $9000 per year on average, and they’re not even taking into account the inhumane cost of parking on UBC­­—$867.33 after a 35.52 per cent parking tax for a one-parkade pass.

46 Commuting

The Broadway corridor

if you want to visit Richmond before it sinks, go downtown, or From UBC you can get to al- get to YVR airport. most anywhere in the Lower Mainland. All you have to do Night rider is become BFF with the 99 BLine. In roughly half an hour, It’s 3am, you’ve drank a bottle the B-Line can get you from of whiskey and spent the last of UBC to Broadway and Com- your cab money on a McDonmercial, which is home to a ald’s binge. The SkyTrain and central SkyTrain station, where Canada Line both stop running you can catch the Canada Line. at 1am. Your salvation? The N17 So if for some strange reason late bus. The last bus leaves you wish to explore Burnaby or Howe and Pender at 3:09am and Surrey, this is your stop. Other runs along Broadway all the way notable stops along the way are to UBC. The N22 leaves at the Broadway and Granville, leav- same time from the same locaing you ten minutes away from tion but heads along Cornwall the city’s entertainment district, and up MacDonald before evenand Broadway and Cambie, tually arriving at the Dunbar bus where you can find the nearest loop. Beware of sketchy characCanada Line stop. Get off here ters late at night!

Panel: Is it worth it to get a car?

Alicia Woodside It’s definitely not necessary.

I had a car, and it felt like an extra luxury, which is why I got rid of it in a year. Try car sharing.

U A

Chantelle Chan

People who ride the bus are sad, and other tips

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UD T S

D

•Bring an iPod—and listen to it at a respectful volume.

No one cares about how hip “insert indie band name here” is.

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No. Get a bike. Parking is stupidly expensive here. Don’t.

The it. If you park It’s not worth off campus, you won’t save much time because you still uring peak hours, •Shower. No one wants to have to catch a bus.

Ub yss express buses like smell you.

ey the B-Line or the 44—which travels from •Had Mexican food the downtown to UBC—fill up night before? Hold it in. See quickly. If you don’t get on at above. the first stop, be prepared to stand. Here are some helpful •Text, don’t talk on the Erin tips for the long bus ride. phone.

Roeder •Try to position yourself by people who are sitting and who do not look like they are heading to UBC. When they stand up, quickly take their seat. Pregnant women and •Usually no one speaks the elderly are usually safe while on the bus and ev- bets. eryone looks sad, so if you plan on acting chipper and •Avoid sitting next to the girl making an obnoxious phone with the yoga mat. She probcall about how great life is, ably reeks from just sweating don’t. You will receive men- out a gallon at hot yoga. acing glares.

•For the PDA couples out •That coffee you thought was there, please give it a rest. a good idea? It wasn’t. The Nobody wants to watch an bus just stopped suddenly OTPB (over the pants bang). and you gave an old lady third Remember, most people on degree burns. the bus are sad.

NEL

I drive but also take transit.

Transit is pretty reliable, but if you live far enough away in the suburbs it might help to have a car for things like grocery shopping or visiting family.

Dave Fernig It depends on the neighbourhood you live in.

Commuting 47