The Path to Self-Acceptance

BY CHARLIE BISHOP

The past is the past. Nothing we do now can change that.

There you go; I said it. It seems blunt and scary, but it is true.

Yet before we can move forward, we must acknowledge and accept what has happened, process it, and accept it to allow us to move on.

And we can move on.

Yes, moving on doesn’t mean forgetting our experiences or brushing them under the carpet, it’s about finding a way to live with those feelings, to allow us to lead happy lives and grow with, not against, our experiences.

It can feel like the hardest thing to do and there is no easy answer to that, but there are tools out there that can help.

Mindfulness is the practice of being present and aware of our thoughts and feelings as they happen moment to moment. It is used in therapy as a way of focusing on awareness whilst acknowledging and accepting the thoughts, feelings, and body language that comes along with it.

With it, also comes the understanding of relaxation and breathing techniques that can help us feel calmer.

Acceptance isn’t something that just happens. It is a process. A process that can be easier for some than it is for others. That’s okay.

Mindfulness can help us to get more perspective and by being more aware of ourselves and everything around us, suddenly it can become a powerful tool to help us take our experiences, worries, and stress and convert that into strength and growth, and ultimately happiness. Real happiness.

Being present is more than just living in the moment, but also being conscious of what is happening to us and around us right now. It doesn’t mean we don’t think about the past, that we shouldn’t acknowledge it, or that we shouldn’t think about the future. In fact, those things are actively encouraged, but it’s about doing that in the present and being aware of how that makes us feel.

Being childless not by choice, whatever the cause, is a pain impossible to describe to others. It is unbelievably personal as well. It is so easy to get overwhelmed in difficult situations and for our thoughts to take over when all we want is for that pain to stop.

There’s a trap I have fallen into so many times—being much too eager for things to change and willing a future to happen without letting myself live in the now.

However, that doesn’t mean we can’t learn from the past to help us in the present, and be more conscious of our plans for the future.

We may not realize it at the time, but being able to acknowledge our feelings, not brush them aside as many of us are used to, has so much power. What did I learn from my past? I learned quickly that I needed to understand myself and my body in a way I never expected. I learned to be older than my years, to think about difficult topics as a teenager, and I learned that there is so much more that can be done for our own happiness when we are ready to make a change.

Change is scary. Our experiences in life can sometimes also be scary, but they can provide opportunities and experiences that were also not prepared for, ones we never expected could provide so much more than we would have imagined.

I know this sounds over the top, perhaps even ludicrous to understand, but the power of our own awareness and process of our thoughts is quite something and can certainly help to unjumble the mind in a way many of us perhaps haven’t tried before.

Would I have wanted my life to be different and the past that has happened not be the case? Part of me says yes, but the other part of me, absolutely no. Without the experiences I have had, I don’t believe I would have had the chance to grow and learn and be where I am today.

It took many years to feel this way and there have been so many tears along with it. Throughout my journey, I have learned not only that my experiences don’t define me, but also they are something that grows with me, and I can learn from them despite how painful they can be.

Whatever tools you choose to process your diagnosis, experiences, and grief, be sure to be present. Don’t brush those scary or painful feelings aside, and be sure to live in every moment.

Every moment is different; every moment is new. The past will always be the same and the future is not yet written.

Charlie Bishop (@mrkhconnect) is part of the Tutum Journal editorial team, and the Executive Director of MRKH Connect, based in Norway. www.mrkhconnect.co.uk