John McDonald

Have you ever been driving along a lonely Maine road, in the middle of nowhere, when you come upon an impressive looking historical marker that reads something like:

“It was on this spot in 1743 that Eli Crimmons — frontiersman and doofus — made camp one night near what would eventually become the town of Crimmonsburgh, a small backwater settlement we’re sure you’ve never heard of until now and we’re equally sure you’ll never hear of again.”

You drive away from the historic spot feeling you’ve somehow “connected” with the area, like burrs “connect” with your wool socks. You also feel you’ve learned a little more about this great country of ours.

Finally you realize you’ve just wasted 20 precious minutes of the brief time you’re allotted on this planet.

I was thinking about such things the other day and concluded we here in Maine don’t have enough historic makers and time wasters cluttering up our roadsides and should do more — a lot more — to mark the memorable places throughout our state, where something actually happened. Let natives and visitors alike know what — of a historic nature — went on where and when.

Like what? You ask. OK, that’s a good question. Where is the marker in Waterville to inform mirror buffs it was in that river community that Mildred Dunham invented the Vu-Back mirror in 1936? “What the #&%@ is a VuBack mirror?” I hear some of the more cynical among you ask. The Vu-Back mirror happens to be a mirror specially made to hang around your neck, giving you free use of your hands. OK, so the Vu Back mirror may not rival the discovery of penicillin or splitting the atom, but it’s something, and it happened right here in Maine. Come to think of it, the Vu-Back mirror probably isn’t as important as the invention of the “stickum” note, but like I said, it’s SOMETHING and it deserves a plaque of recognition.

And another thing! Where are the historic markers in Brunswick telling visitors about when President Franklin Pierce — 14th president of these United States (1853-57) — lived there while a student at Bowdoin College and probably frequented many of the same crazy college-kid haunts crazy college kids hang around today?

“But, John,” you say, “Franklin Pierce is considered one of our worst presidents, and on the rare occasions when he is talked about by scholars the words ‘weak’ and ‘vacillating’ are mentioned often in the discussions. Why would we want to tell tourists about him and his association with our state?”

Another good point.

It’s true Pierce had a less than stellar presidency, so what else is new? True, he managed to make the division in his party — the Democrats — even worse than it was before they nominated him. He was even denied the nomination of his party at the convention of 1856 but, hey, he was president, he did live in Brunswick, he is part of the Maine experience. Even scholars can’t deny to Pierce the crowning achievement of his presidency — the Gadsden Purchase. Maybe other examples would demonstrate my point better.

Where’s the historic marker in Norway to show the exact spot where golf tees were first produced? Speaking of wooden things, are you aware of any official recognition given to Charles Forster of Bangor?

“Was he wooden?” you ask, sarcastically. Charles Forster of Bangor was only the inventor of the toothpick and after he invented the ingenious little things he began making them in his shop soon after the Civil War. You’d think orthodontists would want to recognize Forster as a small way of thanking him for all the crooked front teeth his simple wooden invention helped create. It would also be nice to have a marker in Winthrop that tells people all about that town’s famous native — Ezekiel J. Bailey.

“OK, John, I’ll bite again. Who was he?”

Ezekiel J. Bailey built the nation’s first oilcloth factory in his hometown of Winthrop in 1845. Many more oilcloth factories would soon follow, but Bailey was the first. Despite the fact some might think I’m all wet here, I think Ezekiel deserves some long-overdue recognition. Come on, you folks in Winthrop! Where’s Zeke’s roadside marker?

John McDonald is a storyteller and author of five regional best selling books, including “The Maine Dictionary” and “A Moose and a Lobster Walk into a Bar.” To book him for your next special event, call 207-2408324 or email maineauthorjohn.mcdonald@yahoo.com

LEWISTON — The Greater Androscoggin Humane Society has announced the winners of the Cold Paws, Warm Heart annual raffle, which generated more than $9,300 in ticket sales.

Eve Duplissis, of Lewiston, who won $600 in home heating assistance; Ashley Rand, of Gray, $300 of home heating assistance; Christel Desjardins, of Sabattus, $200 of home heating assistance; Robert Lindahl, of Auburn, $100 of home heating assistance.

Each winner also received a handmade quilt in addition to the heating assistance. All proceeds from the raffle directly benefit the Humane Society.

The Greater Androscoggin Humane Society, at 55 Strawberry Ave., provides a safe haven for more than 4,500 sick, homeless and abused animals in the greater Androscoggin area a year. The primary support for the shelter comes from fundraising events and donations of individuals.

For more information, visit www.SavingPetsInMaine.org or www.facebook/GAHumane.

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Observed annually in June, National Safety Month focuses on reducing leading causes of injury and death in our homes and communities. This year’s safety campaign is focused on Hazard Recognition, Slips, Trips and Falls, Fatigue and Impairment; all very important topics. For this month’s column I’d like to focus on slips, trips and falls. Each year, millions of people 65 and older fall. In fact, more than 1 out of 4 older people falls each year. Falling once doubles your chances that you will fall again. What Can Happen After a Fall? Many falls do not cause injuries. But 1 out of 5 falls does cause a serious injury such as a broken bone or a head injury. These injuries can make it hard for a person to get around, do everyday activities, or live on their own. An older person who falls and hits their head should see their doctor right away to make sure they don’t have a brain injury. Many people who fall, even if they’re not injured, become afraid of falling. This fear may cause a person to cut down on their everyday activities resulting in isolation. When a person is less active, they become weaker and this increases their chances of falling.

to Fall? conditions that contribute to falling. These are called risk factors. Many risk factors falls. They include: lower body weakness, walking or balance, and some medications. There are also environmental hazards to be aware of such as broken or even steps, throw rugs, extension cords across walking areas, and clutter. The more risk factors a person has, the greater their chances of falling. What Can You Do to Prevent Falls? Get a falls risk assessment. SeniorsPlus and other community agencies offer these. Do exercises that make your legs stronger and improve your balance. Sign up for a Tai Chi or Matter of Balance class. Locations can be found at healthylivingforme.org. You can also call SeniorsPlus at 1-800-427-1241. You should also have your eyes checked once a year, and be sure to update your eyeglasses if needed. Get rid of things you could trip over, add grab bars inside and outside your tub or shower and next to the toilet, put railings on both sides of stairs, and make sure your home has lots of light by adding more or brighter light bulbs.