WINTER IS COMING But the Collegian’s got your back, p. 2
a student newspaper of the university of tulsa
Reading Partners Reading can change a child’s life! Become a True Blue Neighbors Reading Partner at Kendall-Whittier Elementary, commit to one hour a week and a 45 minute training session and you can be the catalyst to launch a child’s education to a higher level. Time slots are still available. Springdale Elementary Starting November 5, 2013, from 6:00 – 7:30 p.m., Springdale Elementary School is needing volunteers to assist with child care and reading buddies during ESL and Parenting classes. This is a once a week class and runs through May.
december 9, 2013 issue 12 ~ volume 99
Habitat for Humanity Habitat needs volunteers to finish up their fall builds. The shifts run from 8 a.m. – 12 p.m. or 12:30 – 4 p.m., and dates are November 9, 16, 23 & 30, December 7, 14 & 21 Lunch Room Monitor Kendall-Whittier needs lunch room monitors on Fridays. This is only for 30 minutes from 10:45 – 12:45. A background check is required.
For additional information on volunteer opportunities, contact Kathy Shelton in the True Blue Neighbor Volunteer Center at kathy-shelton@utulsa.edu or call 918-631-3535.
9 december 2013
the Collegian : 2
Top Ten: Things to do while stuck in Tulsa this winter As the Collegian staff toiled inside our hideout this snowy weekend, we started to wonder: what will we do when the ice finally melts and we can journey to the world outside? Winter is coming; here are some things to keep you busy until spring. Anna Bennett Nikki Hager Fraser Kastner Staff
Rhema Bible Church Christmas Lights Rhema Bible Church, located at 1025 West Kenosha Street in Broken Arrow, holds an annual Christmas light display. This year’s display will feature two million individual lights decorating the campus. Admission is free, and carriage rides will be offered for $10 on select nights. This event runs until the Jan. 1. TU will be offering shuttles departing from ACAC to Rhema on Dec. 10 from 6–8p.m.
Winterfest The sixth annual Winterfest will take place this year from Nov. 29 to Jan. 5. Located on Third and Denver next to the BOK Center, this event features an ice skating rink, a free fireworks show on Dec. 14, and Oklahoma’s tallest Christmas tree.
Ice Skating at the BOK Center The Oilers Ice Rink is open for public skating for just $7 per person or $10 with skate rental, Mon.–Fri. 11:30–1:30 p.m., Fri. 7–10 p.m., Sat. 12–2 p.m. and Sun. 1–3 p.m.
Holiday Productions at the Performing Arts Center Stay warm by enjoying live performances in a cozy theatre! Tulsa Ballet presents its annual holiday favorite, “The Nutcracker.” This classic production set to Tchaikovsky’s unforgettable music takes the audience on a journey through a young girl’s Christmas Eve dream. The show runs weekends Dec. 13–27. For a much more irreverent look at the holidays, “The Eight: Reindeer Monologues” produced by Theatre Pops will run Dec. 12–15 and Dec. 19–22. This comedy follows the antics of the North Pole’s inhabitants in the wake of a not-so-jolly accusation against the big man himself. Those same weekends, the American Theatre Company presents “A Christmas Carol.” The Dickens-inspired holiday classic features lots of song and dance numbers and Victorian period costumes, and offers a dose of “old-fashioned seasonal cheer,” according to the PAC website.
Festival of Trees Visit the Philbrook Museum of Art’s “Festival of Trees!” This feature includes festively decorated gardens as well as gingerbread houses. Admittance to the museum is free with a TU student ID and is open Tuesday through Sunday 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Lights on the Hill and River Lights While Rhema is known throughout the city for its extensive light display, several other venues in the city have excellent displays as well. Lights on the Hill is at Chandler Park until Dec. 31. Chandler Park is located at 6500 W. 21st St. near Riverside. Not too far away at 41st and Riverside will be the River Lights event, presented by the River Park Authority. This event will be on Dec. 15 3–5 p.m. and will feature live music as well as free food and drink.
Indie Emporium Get into a DIY holiday spirit! This festival, held Dec. 13–14, is a celebration of art, craft and fashion. This year’s festivities will be held at the Arts and Humanities Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) in the Brady Arts District, 101 E. Archer St. Get your shopping done, support handmade vendors, and enjoy make-and-take projects, DIY demonstrations, a fashion show and live music. If you bring canned goods to donate to the Community Food Bank of Eastern Oklahoma, you receive $3 off admission (normally $5).
Events at the BOK Six-time Grammy winner TobyMac performs at the BOK on Dec. 12. Tulsa Project Theatre brings a festive, musical version of the holiday classic “Miracle on 34th Street” to the Cox Business Center on Dec. 13–24. On Dec. 19, Trans-Siberian Orchestra brings “Rock Theater” to the BOK, with an encore performance of “The Lost Christmas Eve.” The Zac Brown Band rocks the arena Southern-style on Dec. 28.
New Year’s Eve in Tulsa Ring in the new year Tulsa-style! Crystal Ball, a New Year’s Eve Masquerade, offers the 21+ crowd a huge party at Enso and the IDL ballroom, featuring Tulsa’s hottest DJs, complimentary masks, a photo wall, midnight toasts and a balloon drop. Tickets are $35 per person, or $60 per couple. The Brady Theater is hosting a New Years Eve party as well, with DJs, live music and drink specials (early-bird tickets are $15, the event is 21+). Those in search of a unique cultural experience should check out the New Year’s Eve Powwow at the Tulsa Convention Center, 100 Civic Center. The event is free, lasts from 1 p.m. until midnight and features a range of traditional Native American dance.
Parades! The Tulsa Parade of Lights will take place on Dec. 15 starting at 6 p.m. and can be viewed anywhere on 1st and 4th Street between Elgin and Denver and on Denver between 1st and 4th Streets. The interfaith parade will feature floats, marching bands, giant balloons and a traveling jumbotron.
Ice storm shuts down campus
All photos, including cover photo, courtesy University of Tulsa, except middle, taken by Logan Miller / Collegian
What’s Your Master Plan? Master of Business Administration Master of Science in Finance Master of Accountancy Master of Energy Business
www.utulsa.edu/gradbusiness
On the afternoon of Dec. 5, a wintry mix of snow and ice began falling upon TU’s campus. Top and bottom: By the next morning, campus was covered in 3.5–5.5 inches of snow, and the administration had called off classes for the day. Students took advantage of the snow to make snow angels and participate in other snowrelated activities. Middle: The TU Compliments Facebook page advertised a campus-wide snowball fight that day at 5 p.m.
editor-in-chief—J.Christopher Proctor managing editor—Kyle Walker news editor—Conor Fellin sports editor—Will Bramlett variety editor—Stephanie Hice opinion editor—Patrick Creedon satire editor—Anna Bennett photo & graphics editor—Jill Graves apprentice editor—Morgan Krueger copy editor—Carly Putnam business & advertising manager—Liz Cohen distribution manager—Walker Womack web manager—Alex White
variety
the Collegian : 3
9 December 2013
Polanski’s “Rosemary’s Baby” recognizably eerie Studio 54: A weekly review of all things retro. Helen Patterson Staff Writer
It is the fate of many films to become so dated that they can no longer speak to a contemporary audience. However, director Roman Polanski’s 1968 film, “Rosemary’s Baby,” does not fall victim to this fate. The fear, paranoia and insecurity surrounding pregnancy and childbirth are universal themes that continue to chill viewers today. “Rosemary’s Baby” was adapted from the 1967 novel of the same name by Ira Levin. There are some minor changes in plot between the film and the novel, all of which are well-advised. The plot follows a young couple, struggling actor Guy Woodhouse and his wife Rosemary (John Cassavetes and Mia Farrow), who have just moved into a creepy apartment building with a colorful history, determined to start a family. There, they encounter Minnie and Roman Castevet (Ruth Gordon and Sidney Blackmer), an overly solicitous couple. Rosemary becomes pregnant under dubious circumstances, but forgets about her uneasy dreams, pleased to be starting a family. However, as her pregnancy progresses, she becomes ill and increasingly suspicious. She discovers that Roman’s father was a well-known Satanist, and begins
to suspect that the Castevets, their friends, her doctor and even Guy are all witches who plot to use her child in some ritual. The film is closed in, shot mostly in the apartment building or in doctor’s offices. Even when Rosemary does leave the house, she is in New York City, so a claustrophobic feeling permeates throughout. This aids the tangible, atmospheric dread that Polanski builds so efficiently. It also keeps the audience uncertain: is Rosemary simply hormonal and paranoid due to the pregnancy, or is there really a plot against her? There is a clear struggle between Rosemary in her isolated, vulnerable condition and the various authoritative, male figures who dismiss her fears. From the beginning, Rosemary notices little things that are wrong, such as a dresser blocking a seemingly ordinary closet and a man going blind allowing Guy to get a lucky break. She has disturbing dreams, hears strange chanting from the Castevet’s apartment and finds herself eating bloody meat. Whether these little things amount to supernatural evil or are rationally explainable is left open until the very end. The minimalist soundtrack mirrors the mental strain and emotional outbursts that Rosemary undergoes throughout the film as she struggles to keep her unborn child safe. The most striking musical motif is the opening and closing song, a wordless, creepy melody that simultaneously sets the horror and the tension of the film while suggesting a maternal lullaby. “Rosemary’s Baby” remains one of the best psychological horror films ever made. Its depiction of the evil of ordinary, slightly vulgar, people is chilling because it is so recognizable. The understated, unpredictable ending still leaves an audience unsettled over forty years later. Regardless of whether you are a horror buff, you must see “Rosemary’s Baby.”
Photo courtesy Atlantic Records
Switchfoot frontman, Joe Foreman clasps the hand of friend of the band and professional surfer Rob Machado. The band’s new documentary “Fading West” is filled with heartwarming moments like these, where the band tries—often a little too hard—to earn their “California campfire” brochops.
Switchfoot brings faded act to Tulsa As part of their 2013–14 Fading West tour, alternative-rockers Switchfoot performed at the Brady Theater on Nov. 22. Overall, the rather disjointed performance proved to be mildly entertaining, save for the jarring opening documentary that highlighted the band’s latest world tour and home life. Conor Fellin News Editor
Switchfoot was fighting an uphill battle during their Nov. 22 show at the Brady Theater. The band’s puzzling decision to open the concert with a screening of “Fading West,” a travel documentary starring the band, had the predictable effect of stiffening up the crowd. The effect had not entirely worn off by the end of an
altogether too short set list despite the concert’s occasional gems. I can’t say I blame the crowd. Who goes to a concert to watch a movie anyway? The film, which documented one of Switchfoot’s recent world tours and the various surf stops they made during that tour, more than anything else seemed to shout, “Hey everyone, look at what cool people we are!” “Also, we’re really good human beings,” the scenes about Switchfoot’s family life and their visit to a South African childrens’ choir chimed in. When the band finally did come on stage to play, they focused on a more relaxed but anthemic sound centered around songs from their new album, also named “Fading West.” The alternative-rock shredding that the band is perhaps most famous for was present, but more as a concession to the fans rather than as an integral part of the concert. Frontman Jon Foreman repeatedly compared the tone the band was going for to that of a “California campfire.” The comparison
was overly belabored, but I appreciated the sentiment. Indeed, the new songs, which I was initially sceptical about, grew on me as the concert progressed. What they lacked in energy, they made up for in smoothness and catchiness. In one of my favorite moments of the show, keyboardist Jerome Fontamillas demonstrated his newly acquired cigar-box kalimba, or thumb piano. The plucky melody that Fontamillas picked out on the novelty was soon accompanied by guitar and blended into the intro of their hit “Dare You to Move.” In another of the concert’s highlights, the entire band huddled around a single microphone and performed a scaled down version of “Hello Hurricane.” Only Jon Foreman’s perpetual insistence that the concert was, in fact, supposed to feel like a California campfire tainted the moment. Ultimately, the concert provided enough entertainment to leave a fan mildly satisfied and enough misguided attempts at self-invention to annoy anyone else.
Battle of the consoles: which will emerge victorious this holiday season? With the release of the latest advances in gaming technology, the PlayStation 4 and the Xbox One, comes an all-out brawl for costumers’ money. Each platform maintains its own advantages and disadvantages, depending on the player’s gaming style. Elliot Bauman Staff Writer
The end of November ushered in the release of the two major next generation gaming consoles: the PlayStation 4 released on Nov. 15, and the Xbox One, which followed shortly after on Nov. 22. With winter break and the holiday season quickly approaching, many gamers may be considering purchasing one of these new platforms, or hoping to receive one as a gift. While console preference ultimately condenses to a matter of opinion, this article seeks to compare the two as factually as possible, analysing the PlayStation 4 and Xbox One across five broad categories. 1. Hardware Advantage: PlayStation 4 Of all the comparison categories, hardware is by far the most objective, and the facts clearly indicate that the PlayStation 4 is the slightly more powerful option. While both the Xbox One and PlayStation 4 have 8GB of RAM, the PlayStation 4 uses GDDR5, while the Xbox One opts for DDR3. In simple terms, this translates to a significant bandwidth advantage for the PlayStation 4.
The Xbox One does have 32GB of ESRAM, which, if properly used by developers, could help alleviate the console’s RAM disadvantage. Furthermore, the GPU, or graphics processing unit, present in the PlayStation 4 is roughly 50 percent more powerful than the one in the Xbox One. The two GPUs are, for the most part, fairly identical, but the PlayStation 4’s higher compute unit count gives the console an advantage. It is worth noting that the Xbox One has a slightly faster CPU, but when it comes to gaming, the GPU does the heavy lifting. Both consoles have a 500GB hard drive, but the PlayStation 4’s is removable, and thus upgradable, while the Xbox One’s drive is unfortunately integrated into the system and cannot be removed. 2. Exclusives Advantage: Xbox One While many next generation games are cross-platform, a number of titles are exclusive to one console or another. The Xbox One offers a wide variety of titles, most of which have been generally well-received. Some of the most notable include “Forza Motorsport 5,” the latest installment in the racing franchise, which sits at a Metacritic score of 81. There is also “Dead Rising 3,” an open world zombie apocalypse survival game. “Killer Instinct” and “Ryse: Son of Rome” represent the fighting and action genres, and there are a number of arcade titles. Finally, “Titanfall” the highly anticipated first person shooter, arrives in March as an Xbox One and PC exclusive. In contrast, the PlayStation 4 does have exclusives, but nowhere near as many as its competitor. “Killzone: Shadow Fall,” a scifi first person shooter, is the only major title currently available; the
rest of the lineup is not comprised of large-scale commercial games. The other significant PlayStation 4 exclusives such as “The Order: 1886” and “Infamous: Second Sun” are currently slated for 2014 releases. As it currently stands, the Xbox One clearly offers the greater variety of exclusive titles. 3. Controller and Accessories Advantage: Xbox One It may not seem like much, but the device used to control a game console can have a significant impact on the overall experience. The PlayStation 4 includes the improved DualShock 4 controller, which features a number of advancements over its predecessor. For one, the DualShock 4 has an integrated touch pad that can be used for a variety of different applications. Sony has also added a Share button, which can be used to upload user content for others to experience. That being said, the basic design of the controller is nearly identical to the PlayStation 3’s DualShock 3. Microsoft has taken a similar approach to the new Xbox One controller. It too is very similar to its predecessor, albeit a number of improvements; the joysticks, buttons and triggers have all been redesigned and upgraded. Additionally, both the PlayStation 4 and Xbox One come with stock headsets, although there is a difference in quality. The Xbox One comes with an actual headset, while the PlayStation 4’s “headset” is merely an ear bud with a microphone. The Xbox One also has a number of additional features, such as the ability to play live television, something the PlayStation 4 has no answer to. 4. Physical Appearance Advantage: PlayStation 4 This is another category where
the PlayStation 4 has an almost undisputable advantage, unless you prefer large and bulky electronics that take up a lot of space. The PlayStation 4 is a very slim and sleek looking device; approximately 10.8in x 12in x 2in, for a final volume of 259.2 cubic inches, it is surprisingly small for such a powerful system. On the other hand, the Xbox One is 53 percent larger than its competitor. The console is not exactly visually impressive, either. Compared to the edgy design of the PlayStation 4, the Xbox One is not much more than its name implies: a box with a glossy and matte finish. The console, unfortunately, also comes with a large power brick that must be connected to the console for functionality. This contrasts poorly to the PlayStation 4, which has a much more desirable internal power supply. 5. Value Advantage: PlayStation 4 While neither of the two next generation consoles are cheap, the PlayStation 4 does have a $100 advantage over its competitor. The console is currently available for $399.99, compared to the Xbox One’s launch price of $499.99. Recall that the PlayStation 4 is the more powerful system, so what explains the extra $100 for the slightly weaker Xbox One? Microsoft decided to include its brand new Kinect 2.0 with all Xbox One consoles, a move that has upset a number of Xbox fans, who are now forced to pay more for a device they might not ever use. Sure, the Kinect 2.0 does allow for convenient voice control of the console, and having it in the hands of all Xbox customers would very likely increase developer support for the device—but that there is not a cheaper, Kinect 2.0-free op-
tion is unfortunate. That is the route that Sony took, as they offer the PlayStation Camera, which is slightly more limited than the Kinect 2.0, separately for $59.99. It is also worth mentioning that, unlike last generation, both the Xbox One and PlayStation 4 will require a subscription fee for online play. Depending on payment plan, the two fees are more or less identical. 6. Final Verdict Advantage: You Decide Fans could battle back and forth all day over the apparent advantages and disadvantages of the two consoles, but it really does come down to a matter of opinion. Both the Xbox One and PlayStation 4 are truly next generation, and are a significant improvement over current hardware. The author’s take: get the console that most of your gamer friends play on. This is sort of a hidden factor in console comparison, but playing online with friends is some of the most fun one can have in gaming. If you are a solo gamer, then choose the console that feels right to you. If you cannot stand the DualShock 4 controller, get an Xbox One. If you want a slightly more powerful system and do not care about non-gaming features, get a PlayStation 4. You cannot miss with either console.
Which system will win? You decide.
Head over to our Facebook page to vote for your favorite console!
Sports
9 December 2013
the Collegian : 4
Basketball runs with premier teams in early season
Catherine Duininck / Collegian
Logan Miller / Collegian
Madeline Doyle / Collegian
Madeline Doyle / Collegian
The Golden Hurricane men’s and women’s basketball teams have both been playing against some of the best college basketball teams in the nation. The currently No. 11 ranked Wichita State Shockers and the Golden Hurricane, former rivals from the Missouri Valley Conference, tipped-off for the 123rd time Nov. 20. The teams went into halftime tied at 31 points, but the undefeated Shockers pulled away in the second half to win 77–54. The men’s team then traveled to Omaha, Neb. to face the then No. 23 ranking Creighton Blue Jays. The Golden Hurricane again held its own in the first half, only trailing by one at the half, but the team was unable to keep pace as the Blue Jays won 82–72. The women’s team competed for the Mayor’s Cup against the Oral Roberts Golden Eagles Nov. 26 in the Reynolds Center. The Golden Hurricane only led by two points at the half, but outscored the Golden Eagles by 12 points in the second half to secure a 72–58 win. The women’s team has games against Arkansas Dec. 10 and Kansas Dec. 22 before beginning C-USA play January. The men’s team will be playing a rematch against TCU Dec. 21 and then faces Maryland Dec. 29. The Golden Hurricane men’s basketball team will also play the Oklahoma Sooners Saturday Dec. 14 at 4 p.m. in Norman, Okla.
Thunder short of lofty expectations The start of the Thunder’s season is impressive, but not as good as in previous years. Victoria McGouran Staff Writer
It is always important to reflect on important moments as the year ends and for the Oklahoma City Thunder this season, that will not be an easy task. To say the Thunder have had a tumultuous season is putting matters lightly. Granted, its 15–4 record is nothing to scoff at, as is its second place position in the Northwest. However, as anyone who watched a game this year can tell you, those victories have not come to the Thunder easily. Losing James Harden’s ability to close late in games, get to the line and seemingly score at will has left the Thunder without its much needed third scorer. Other NBA teams are figuring out ways to shut down Kevin Durant, and OKC still can’t seem to decide what to do with Kendrick Perkins. With Westbrook a semi-hit-ormiss player, it certainly seems like the Thunder will be at a disadvantage when playoffs roll around. However, fans have no reason to lose hope yet. Despite problems with slow defensive starts, they still manage to pull off an impressive number of wins. Despite their issues, the Thunder have a lot going for them and this season has boasted some pretty memorable moments so far. Kevin Durant recently made NBA history in the Dec. 1 game
against the Minnesota Timberwolves with 32 points, ten rebounds and 12 assists in addition to four steals and four blocks. According to the Elias Sports Bureau, Durant is the first NBA player to record 30 or more points, ten or more rebounds, 12 or more assists, four or more steals and four or more blocks in the same game since blocks and steals became official NBA stats during the 197374 season. Head Coach Scott Brooks seems to be making up for the loss of James Harden this season by placing his trust in the combined talents of Jeremy Lamb and Reggie Jackson. In Harden’s final year with the Thunder, he averaged 16.8 points, 3.7 assists, and 4.1 rebounds a game. This season, Reggie Jackson is averaging 11.4 points, 3.6 assists, and 3.8 rebounds per game while shooting 47.7-percent from the floor. Jeremy Lamb is putting up numbers decent as well with an average of 9.1 points, 1.1 assists and 2.2 rebounds per game while shooting at 45.5-percent from the floor. In the Nov. 27 game against the San Antonio Spurs, Jackson and Lamb scored a cumulative 35 points and yet their combined salaries make up only a quarter of what OKC would have been paying Harden. Serge Ibaka, another player who stepped up after Harden left, used to score only nine points per game. With Harden wearing a Houston jersey, Ibaka gave the Thunder 13 points per game last year and is averaging a double-double with 14.8 points and 10.3 rebounds per
game this season. During the Nov. 29 game versus the Golden State Warriors, Ibaka scored 18 points with 13 rebounds and three blocks. This is his third game in a row to score over 17 points, 11 rebounds and three blocks, stats that prove what a key player Ibaka has become. Beyond just the NBA action, there are a lot of things that make a trip to the Chesapeake Arena worthwhile. This season especially, certain Thunder fans have been given a new reason to love being at games. Since March, four Thunder fans have made the coveted $20,000 half court shot, a feat that is completely unprecedented. The most recent fan to hit a shot from half court may have to give up the $20,000 prize to maintain NAIA eligibility. Cameron Rodriguez plays for Southwestern College in Winfield, Kan. The rules of the NAIA are that a player can not make money from the sport which he plays. Rodriguez and the college are requesting that the NAIA allow Rodriguez to use the $20,000 entirely for tuition. The Thunder will be back in action on Dec. 10 versus the Atlanta Hawks and will face the Memphis Grizzlies, the team which knocked them out of the playoffs last season, the following day. Games not broadcast nationally including these will be on FOX Sports Oklahoma, channel No. 27. The Thunder then face the Los Angeles Lakers on ESPN Friday night and play a Christmas Day game on ABC against the New York Knicks.
M. Basketball
Tuesday Dec. 10
vs. UALR
W. Basketball
vs. Arkansas
W. Basketball
vs Abilene Christian
Reynolds Center
Fayetteville, Ark
7 p.m. 7 p.m.
Saturday Dec. 14
M. Basketball
vs Oklahoma
Reynolds Center
2 p.m.
Norman, Okla.
4 p.m.
Wednesday Dec. 18
M. Basketball
M. Basketball W. Basketball W. Basketball
M. Basketball
vs Grand Canyon
Reynolds Center
Saturday Dec. 21
vs TCU
Fort Worth, Texas
Sunday Dec. 22
vs Kansas
Lawrence, Kan.
Saturday Dec. 29
vs Harvard
vs Maryland
New York City
College Park, Md.
7:05 p.m.
11 a.m 2 p.m. 2 p.m.
6 p.m.
Monday Dec. 30
W. Basketball
vs Fordham/ UNCG
M. Basketball
vs Cal State Fullerton
New York City
TBA
Saturday Jan. 4 Reynolds Center
12 p.m.
Friday Jan. 10
Track
M. Tennis W. Tennis
Arkansas Invitational
Fayetteville, Ark.
Friday Jan. 17
vs ORU
Case Center
Saturday Jan. 18
vs ORU
Case Center
All Day
1 p.m. 5 p.m.
Tulsa falls short at icy National Championship
Kirk Smith / Collegian
Kirk Smith / Collegian
The Golden Hurricane men’s cross country team ran in the NCAA D1 Cross Country National Championship Saturday Nov. 23. Colorado won the men’s race with a score of 149. The top five were rounded out by Northern Arizona, Oklahoma State, BYU and Oregon. The Tulsa team which finished No. 7 last season under-performed, finishing No. 27 out of the 31 teams. TU earned a score of 628 behind No. 26 Colorado State and only two points ahead of North Carolina State. Tulsa’s Chris O’Hare finished his last cross country race as a Golden Hurricane in 50th with a 10 k.m. race time of 30:54.6. The runners now prepare for upcoming track & field season.
Sports
the Collegian : 5
9 December 2013
Football moves on without TU Jesse Keipp Staff Writer
Over the past several years, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and league officials have changed numerous rules to better accommodate player safety. With these changes, the NFL hierarchy has hoped to set an example while raising awareness for future players in youth leagues. Despite this, rule makers have failed to protect the future children of San Francisco 49ers’ tight end Vernon Davis. In a Week 13 Rams-49ers game, Rams safety TJ McDonald took down Davis by firmly grasping his groin. Trying to make a play, McDonald innocently grabbed onto the biggest thing he could find. Realizing their dubious oversight, NFL officials have since been scrambling to amend the rules to protect the groin area. When asked about the fondling, Davis said, “I kept telling him, ‘Let go, get off of me, get off of me,’ and he wouldn’t let me go.” Rolling fields, fireplace mantles, sunny beaches, Auburn’s Pat Dye Field at JordanHare Stadium: what does each of these hold in common? They have each been known to be someone’s final resting place! While it may be commonplace to place Uncle Bill’s ashes on a mantle or dump his remains at his favorite nature scene, you may want to consider scattering his cremated remains at Auburn’s football stadium. At least, that’s what one family did with their loved one’s ashes after Auburn topped Alabama with a game-ending field goal return for a touchdown. Some fans are content with purchasing pieces of old playing field. But this fan became a part of the field.
Photo courtesy /u/ put_bacon_on_it
The NBA has long been rumored to give red cards to unruly fans, but the cards had never been seen in the wild. One fan posted a card “his friend” received to Reddit. The association now officially recognizes these cards and claims to have been giving them to fans since 2005.
In an attempt to hush rowdy fans faster than the Dog Whisperer can silence dogs, the NBA has begun to dish out red warning cards to fans. NBA officials distribute cards to fans whose ramblings constitute “excessive verbal abuse.” It is rumored that NBA commissioner David Stern has discussed the possibility of hosing down fans that have the audacity to boo. In the event that these cards be handed out at TU men’s basketball games, the Collegian will be starting a petition asserting our freedom of speech. In the event that these cards be handed out at TU football games, no one will be there to receive them. In the annual Bedlam game, Oklahoma State kicker Ben Grogar sailed a 41 yard field goal through the uprights. Who cares, you say? I care, I say, and you should too because Grogar kicked the pigskin during a magnitude 4.5 earthquake. Unfortunately for OSU fans, OU topped the Cowboys in a 33-24 effort, simultaneously ruining OK State’s bid for a BCS bowl. But if you asked me, bragging about kicking a field goal during an earthquake is more impressive than a Big XII championship.
The Tulsa football season draws to an end, but there are still 36 exciting college football games left to be played. Will Bramlett Sports Editor
The Golden Hurricane football season finally concluded Saturday, Nov. 30 in a difficult loss to the North Texas Mean Green at H.A. Chapman Stadium. The Mean Green marched down the field on its first possession, but Tulsa’s Will Barrow picked up a loose ball and returned it for a 97-yard touchdown just over four minutes into the game. The fans had hope that this team could finish a down season on a high note. The fans were wrong. The first quarter ended with the Golden Hurricane leading 10–7, a score that remained until the Mean Green’s Mike Marshall blocked a Hurricane punt, which his teammate Jarrian Roberts picked up and returned for a touchdown. That touchdown was the first of five unanswered touchdowns for the Mean Green. In its first year of Conference USA play, North Texas went 6–2 in conference play following a 3–5 showing in the Sun Belt Conference the previous season. Tulsa’s last year in C-USA was the team’s worst season in the conference, finishing with a 3–9 record and 2–6 record in C-USA play. TU had only finished one other season below .500 when the team went 5–7 in 2009 and finished 3–5 in conference play. The last season the Golden Hurricane had three or fewer wins was in 2002, when the team went 1–11, with its only win coming against UTEP. But while Tulsa’s season ended prematurely this year, the rest of college football went on unabated. The Conference USA championship game was played Saturday. The Rice Owls, the winners of C-USA West, hosted the Marshall Thundering Herd, the winners of the East division, at Rice Stadium in Houston, Texas. The Owls raced out to an early 7–0 lead over the Herd and tacked on another touchdown minutes later when Taylor McHargue hit Jordan Taylor for a beautiful 75-yard touchdown pass. The Herd were unable to recover from the early deficit. The Owls defeated the Herd
41–24 for their first outright conference title since 1957, when they won the Southwest Conference, a conference with historical powerhouses such as Texas, Arkansas, SMU and Texas A&M. Rice will represent C-USA at the Liberty Bowl, one of the oldest college bowl games, Dec. 31 in Memphis, Tenn. against Mississippi State. Competition outside of C-USA has been most exciting down the stretch. Texas A&M and the reigning Heisman Trophy winner, Johnny Manziel, tanked in November, losing to the two top-25 teams, Louisiana State and Missouri. Compared to Texas Tech though, A&M had a wonderful end to the season. The Red Raiders started the season 7–0 and then dropped the last five games of the season. The team has won one November game over the last three seasons and it was over Kansas—the perennial Big XII-doormat. The biggest upset of the year came Nov. 30 at Auburn when the two-time reigning national champions and undefeated Alabama Crimson Tide were knocked off by instate rival Auburn in the Iron Bowl. The Tigers tied the game with little time remaining, but Alabama head coach Nick Saban did not want to play for overtime. His team reached the Auburn 38 yard line with a second to spare and attempted a 57yard field with goal his backup kicker, after starter Cade Foster missed three field goals in the game. Auburn’s Adam Griffith, at the back of the end zone, caught the kick which fell just short of the uprights and ran all the way down the field to score a game-winning touchdown with no time left on the clock, upsetting the entire BCS picture. Auburn’s victory would send it to the SEC championship game to face the Missouri Tigers, two teams which combined for a 2–14 record in SEC games in 2012. The iron-clad defenses of the SEC did not show up in Atlanta. Auburn led Mizzou 45–42 at the end of the third quarter and added two more touchdowns in the fourth to win the SEC title 59–42. But the Auburn Tigers, a one-loss team, needed some help to make their way into the national championship picture. The Florida State Seminoles and the Ohio State Buckeyes, two undefeated teams, were projected to play for the national championship should they win their respective conference championships this weekend. The top-ranked Seminoles smoked the Duke Blue Devils,
MLS Cup excels despite freezing temperatures The MLS Cup Final Saturday afternoon was an exciting match spotlighting the increased popularity of and improvements to American soccer. Mariano Marin Student Writer
Through Kansas City and across America, soccer fans were excited for the MLS Cup. In one of the most memorable—and cold— Major League Soccer championship games to date, Sporting KC faced-off against Real Salt Lake Saturday evening. Ninety minutes played in a 12-degree windchill would decide the champion of United States soccer. As play began, it was quickly evident that this would be a game of hard knocks. Given Sporting KC’s reputation for physical play, the pressure of the final and officials allowing dubious plays to slide, a lot of very aggressive soccer only added to the excitement of the match. After a see-saw first half that ended 0–0, KC seemed to have had the better number of
chances to score, but Salt Lake fans likely felt cheated after their best chance, an opengoal shot from close range, was just cleared off the line. Both teams looked solid up front, but holes had begun to appear in the Kansas City defense. As the second half kicked off, a very well-organized and technically sound RSL overcame early pressure from the formidable KC offense to score on a beautiful half-volley shot in the 52nd minute. Álvaro Saborio made the finish, after a classy-looking buildup from the flank. KC’s desperate defensive line could not hold out, and Saborio’s finish left keeper Nielsen in the dust. As the game progressed, an urgency developed in the KC squad and the ever-excellent Graham Zusi pushed harder and harder, but to no avail. RSL looked too confident, and KC seemed, by comparison, rather sloppy, especially when defending. After yet another shot on goal from Salt Lake which struck the crossbar, there was a rather embarrassing mistake in the 73rd minute from Sporting keeper Nielsen; a shot that he expected would go wide actually struck the side post and nearly rebounded in.
Boycotting Olympics not the answer Boycotting the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia will harm LGBT athletes, not advance human rights.
Carly Putnam Copy Editor
This summer, a “kiss-in” protest in St. Peter’s Square ended as two dozen protesters were arrested by Russian police outside the State Duma. Onlookers shouted obscenities and threw eggs. Protestors not arrested were beaten by a masked mob a few streets away. Meanwhile, inside the Duma, a law banning “homosexual propaganda” passed unanimously. Such loosely-defined propaganda includes rainbow flags, Facebook statuses, and telling children that homosexuality exists.
a team ranked in the BCS standings for the first time in school history, to win the ACC, but the Ohio State Buckeyes, a team which had not lost in two seasons, was unable to hold off the Michigan State Spartans in the BIG10 finale. The ten-team Big XII no longer has a conference championship game. There were only two Big XII games scheduled Saturday. The in-state rivalry of Bedlam between the Oklahoma Sooners and Oklahoma State Cowboys was the first Big XII game of the day. The Sooners were not playing for the Big XII title for the first time since 2009 and the Cowboys were playing for a share of the Big XII title and a BCS berth. Bedlam did not live up to its name early; the Cowboys would score and the Sooners would respond with a score of their own. The Sooners won Bedlam in 2012, but had not led Bedlam since 2010. The Sooners took their first lead with a field goal five minutes into the fourth quarter. The last few minutes of the last few Bedlam games traditionally have been where Bedlam lives up to its name. The Cowboys flew down the field with less than two to spare to retake the lead 24–20. The Sooners had enough time to respond. Jalen Saunders found the end zone with 19 seconds to spare. On the last play of the game, the Cowboys lost the ball and the Sooners picked it up for a touchdown after time had expired. The Sooners won Bedlam 33–24. With the Cowboys loss, the second Big XII game of the day became the de facto Big XII championship game. The winner of the game between Texas Longhorns and Baylor Bears would win the Big XII outright and secure a spot in a BCS bowl game. The Longhorns were looking to win the Big XII after two embarrassing losses out-ofconference to start the season and the Bears were looking for their first Big XII title after dominating teams nearly the entire season. The first half ended tied at three, but the Bears came out with fire in their bellies in the second half, scoring 27 points and only allowing one Longhorn touchdown. Baylor won the Big XII with a dominant 30–10 win over Texas. The Collegian will be hosting an ESPN College Bowl Mania group where readers can predict the champion of all 35 bowl games. The winner of the group will receive a $20 gift card (or cash if we are lazy). A link to the group can be found on Facebook, Twitter and our website, TUcollegian.org.
While the law doesn’t outright criminalize non-heterosexual relationships, it effectively drives them underground—and contributes to an atmosphere increasingly hostile to LGBT Russians. In July, a video depicting the torture and rape of a young gay man in Novosibirsk surfaced on YouTube; last month, a popular Russian talk show argued that “Western, European sodomites are trying to infiltrate Russia and organize…our Russian perverts.” The rights of Russian gay couples aside, the recent uptick in anti-gay harassment has many concerned about the repercussions of next winter’s Olympics, which will be held in the Russian city of Sochi. Many human rights groups have called for the boycott of the games. This would be a bad move. Putting aside the hypocrisy of boycotting Olympics so soon after the 2008 Beijing games—as if China wasn’t rife with wellknown human rights abuses—boycotting the Sochi games will accomplish more harm than good. A boycott of a single event will have little long-term impact on Russia’s anti-gay laws; instead, it would only further
isolate Russia’s sense of persecution and isolation. As much as one can pretend the Olympics are about sports alone, they are also form of diplomacy. And diplomacy is effectively a long-term process, allowing transgressions—including significant transgressions—to occur in hopes of accomplishing greater cooperation, trust, and understanding. Furthermore, approximately four billion spectators will watch all or part of the Olympics worldwide. Footage of openly gay athletes competing will normalize, not stigmatize, homosexuality in spectator nations. And gay athletes have shown no signs of wanting to boycott; athletes of all sexualities have devoted their lives to training to compete on the international stage. As Anastasia Bucsis, an openly gay Canadian speed skater looking forward to competing in Sochi says, “Having more LGBT athletes come out during the lead-up to Sochi will promote acceptance, awareness, and education regarding gay athletes and their contribution to sport.”
Then came KC’s moment: a corner taken by the always-impressive Zusi. It curled into the box and met the oncoming forehead of Aurelien Collin for a textbook-perfect goal in the 76th minute, tying up the game in front of the elated home crowd. Suddenly, it seemed Sporting KC had come to life. Game play instantly became even more intense, and RSL’s defense barely withstood a barrage of Kansas City attacks, including a brilliant volley from Zusi that forced a miraculous save from RSL goalie Nick Rimando. But at the whistle, the game was still tied 1–1, so the teams took a few minutes to regroup and prepare for two 15-minute periods of overtime. Though the overtime started just as the second half had left off, it quickly became more cautious as neither side wanted to be the one to make a defensive error to give the game away. RSL had one shot that actually went in—another Saborio goal—but it was disallowed for offsides. And so after a full 120 minutes of play, the game was still tied and went to a penalty shoot-out. Five kicks were to be taken by each side. KC’s first penalty was a slam dunk. Saborio stepped up for RSL and hit the top crossbar. Sporting kept on rolling: its second penalty hit the back of the net, and Nielsen saved RSL’s second shot. After four rounds, KC led RSL 3–2. Zusi, arguably KC’s man of the match, stepped up to win the game—but his shot sailed harmlessly over the top of the net. Morales scored for RSL to force extra rounds. The sixth shot from each team scored— then each team scored in the seventh round, as well. The tension in the stadium mounted. Then Kansas City’s eighth man missed horrendously, and RSL’s Velazquez shot was saved by keeper Nielsen, and the penalties continued. The ninth penalty for each team scored. In round 10, KC scored and the pressure went to RSL’s Palmer to keep his team alive. In the moment of truth, he hit the crossbar, and sporting Kansas City had won the 2013 MLS Cup Final. The match which was a testament to the rapidly rising quality of the MLS—truly a spectacle of a game and one that could make some European football fans think twice before discounting MLS as second-rate. This really was a top-level game between two excellent teams.
NEWS
9 december 2013
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SNAP cuts hurt Kendall-Whittier residents The Collegian visits a few residents of Kendall-Whittier affected by the recent drop in SNAP benefits (known as food stamps). Kyle Walker Managing Editor
The snow was just starting to fall in Kendall-Whittier last Thursday when I arrived at Earlene Lynn’s apartment. We sat at her kitchen table, an aquarium with goldfish to my right, the television and front door behind me. From where I sat I could see into the apartment had a living room, bedroom and kitchen. The rent is $525, she tells me. We were talking about food. Lynn is one of around 620,000 Oklahomans who rely on the federal Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP, known colloquially as food stamps) to put meals on the table each month. And she, like many other Oklahomans, recently saw her benefits cut. In 2012, 43.5 percent of Oklahoma SNAP recipients were children, 18.7 percent were adults taking care of children, and 30.3 per-
cent were elderly or disabled adults, like Lynn, who has rheumatoid arthritis. Lynn had to end her 35-year career as a certified nurse assistant because of the autoimmune disease. When she worked Lynn brought home $2400 a month. But she was renting her house and her company didn’t offer a retirement plan. Lynn tells me about additional challenges as well, including the recent death of her husband. Although Lynn receives both Social Security and Social Security Disability Insurance payments, she now receives only $730, down from a household income of $1086 when her husband was alive. But the rent hasn’t changed. It’s still $525. “When your rent’s $525 and you get $730 a month, there’s really nothing left,” Lynn said. When her husband was alive, the two of them received $328 in SNAP benefits. Lynn now receives only $91. After rent, she has only $296 a month with which to buy food and household necessities. But money is not the only resource needed to get food. There’s also time and transportation.
SNAP benefit recipients by age, health, employment 3.8% 2.0%
Children
Adults taking care of children 30.3%
43.5% Elderly or disabled adults
“I don’t have transportation,” Lynn said. “Where can you go without transportation?” I asked. “Really nowhere unless I can get someone to go with me because you have to carry your stuff. I’ve been having to start using the food banks. And that’s two buses back and forth. That’s all day. It’s an all-day job
“When your rent’s $525 and you get $730 a month, there’s really nothing left” just to get some groceries.” I also spoke to Margaret Pollard and Amy Cox earlier in the week. Pollard and Cox have been housemates for ten months; previously, Cox had been homeless for six years. Both receive SNAP benefits, and Pollard, who had a stroke five years ago, is 66 and disabled. She used to cut hair for a living, but now her left hand can’t hold a pair of scissors or a comb. Receiving both Social Security and SNAP, Pollard still has trouble—but at least she owns her house: she doesn’t have to pay rent. Of course, SNAP benefits are calculated according to net monthly income: the
which together accelerated the expiration of the ARRA boost to Oct. 31, 2013. With the boost, SNAP benefits were already fairly low; without the boost, average benefits now amount to less than $1.40 per person, per meal. The November SNAP cuts will not likely be the last. In September, House Republicans passed a farm bill which cut $40 billion from the program. Negotiations between House Republicans and Senate Democrats are ongoing, but the House is set to conclude its business on Dec. 13. If another farm bill is not passed by then, the present funding levels will continue.
gross income of a household less certain deductions, including a portion of housing and shelter costs. An eligible household’s benefit is equal to the maximum allowable benefit for their household size minus 30 percent of their monthly net income. Since Pollard owns her home, i.e. she does not pay rent or have other housing costs, her net income is correspondingly greater. Pollard receives only $14 a month in food stamps. This is the minimum monthly allotment. When Congress passed the American Reinvestment and Recovery Act (ARRA)
Pollard and Lynn both worked for much of their adult lives. Until her disability, Lynn never had to rely on SNAP. Now that her options are more limited, she is much more reliant upon the social safety net, so November’s SNAP cuts hit hard. Combined with the loss of income following the death of her husband, finding food has become a substantial hardship. “I thought with my money going down (after my husband died), I would at least get more stamps,” she said. “But my freezer’s almost empty already.”
“I’ve been having to start using the food banks. And that’s two buses back and forth. That’s all day. It’s an all-day job just to get some groceries”
PrintFreeSudokuPuzzles.com Employed, able-bodied adults without dependents
Puzzle Set #E3528 Level: Easy Unemployed, able-bodied adults without dependents
18.7%
Graphic by Jill Graves
Only 2% of all recipients of SNAP benefits are unemployed able-bodied adults without dependents. Of the remainder, 43.5% are children, and 30.3% are elderly or disabled adults.
Students start business incentivizing service The for-profit business started by Abe Matamoros, Jared King and Regina Vatterott will promote companies by allowing them to sponsor giveaways rewarding community service. Kimberly Poff Staff Writer
Not many students have the gumption to start their own business. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics almost 25 percent of new businesses fail within the first year. Two students at the University of Tulsa however, have decided to give it the old college try. TU students Abe Matamoros and Jared King, in addition to Regina Vatterott at St. Edwards University, have founded InspireVive, a company that encourages students to volunteer through contests featuring tickets to concerts and sporting events as prizes. Matamoros is a junior economics major, King is a senior computer science major, and Vatterott is a sophomore entrepreneurship major. Through the website, people are able to earn points either by volunteering or raising awareness of volunteering through social media. Points go towards contests for tickets to a concert of their choice. Current contests include tickets to Flux Pavillion, Justin Timberlake, Thunder vs. Spurs and the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Current volunteer opportunities include donating blood at any AABB-accredited blood donation center as well as volunteering with
Emergency Infant Services of Tulsa, True Blue Neighbors and Tulsa Habitat for Humanity. Voting in any local, state or federal elections also counts. “We want to motivate individuals to discover the pleasure that comes from helping others,” said Matamoros. “We are hoping we can grow the company and launch it in cities all over the country.” While InspireVive currently only hosts Tulsa contests, the trio is looking to open in Houston and Austin as well. “People in Houston and Austin have already showed interest in launching it there.” The company is not a non-profit. Instead, it is a new form of marketing that provides a positive form of online promotion to companies purchasing its services. Currently contests are sponsored by StudioBlue and the company itself, but InpireVive will be running a campaign for the Student Association in upcoming weeks as well. The company has big plans for growth but has turned down offers of investment. Instead, the company plans to return to those investors when they have an established product. “When developing a business plan, I realized that there was a great opportunity in online marketing because the current quality of online promotion is very low,” says Matamoros, “and the $100 billion industry is growing at a tremendous rate.” In the future, the company hopes to host volunteer days to “mob” a charity of the week with volunteers. In the meantime, students can join the site, follow its Tumblr, like their Facebook page, or follow them on Twitter.
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THE BEN HENNEKE RESEARCH FELLOWSHIP (Master's students in the College of Arts and Sciences)
♦
THE WILFRED WOOBANK GRADUATE ASSISTANTSHIP (Natural Sciences & Engineering graduate degree programs)
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THE FOSTER BROOKS PARRIOTT GRADUATE SCHOLARSHIP
(All Disciplines) ♦
THE JOHN S. ZINK FELLOWSHIPS
(Students with physical disabilities)
Applications are available in the Graduate School Office, Lorton Hall 201, and are due by 5:00 p.m. on January 15. If you have any questions, please call 631-2336.
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In the Nov. 18 issue of the Collegian, the article “Activity fees not needed by SA for student orgs” reported that the Office of the Provost gave $450,000 to SA. This was a gross overstatement. Instead of half of the budget, the provost is responsible for only a quarter, $200,000. The other figures in the article were correct. In the same issue, the deck for “Upcoming Switchfoot concert opens with documentary” should read “Switchfoot’s Jerome Fontamillas discussed...”
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Furthermore, it has been brought to our attention that ORU is not in fact a university but a space station masquerading as an institution of higher learning. The Collegian does not at the time of publication know what the purpose of this station is, but we suspect it has something to do with lizard people. We apologize for any inconvenience the article may have caused.
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3 Qualified applicants must be United States citizens and either seeking admission or enrolled as a full-time graduate student in the applicable graduate program.
in 2009, it included a ‘boost’ to SNAP benefits amounting to a 13.6 percent benefit increase. This boost was intended to last until the regular inflation adjustments to the Department of Agriculture’s Thrifty Food Plan (on which SNAP benefits are based) matched the ARRA boost. But in 2010 Congress passed two bills
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Btold Sure, you can obey the dictates of society and fill in the Soduko with digits 1–9 like Mommy and Daddy you to. Or you can be a rebel, think outside the box. Write letters, or make your numbers take up multiple boxes. Scribble one illegible symbol that embodies your individual spirit over the entire puzzle in red sharpie. Or white-out the numbers that are already there, showing that you prefer the void over any entity. Just don’t be a servile pig by actually doing the Soduko. Courtesy PrintFreeSudokuPuzzles.com
Instructions, Tips, Answers, Reprints & More Sudoku Puzzles Online!
the Collegian : 7
Eye on the world:
NEWS
OECD mean scores and Peru sat at the bottom of the rankings. According to the survey, Shanghai students scored at a level nearly three years ahead of most OECD countries. Many critics believe, however, that these results do not reflect the state of education for the entire country since Shanghai, the only city representing mainland China, is one of the country’s richest and most elite city. SOUTH KOREA
Magdalena Sudibjo Staff Writer Asia china A global education report published by the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) last Tuesday
placed Shanghai students at the top in all categories. The annual survey evaluated more than 510,000 fifteen to sixteen-year-olds from 65 countries and special administrative regions on math, reading and science. Hong-Kong, Korea, Japan, Liechtenstein and Switzerland were among the group of topperforming countries, while the United States lagged behind the
Shell, the global group of oil companies based in the Netherlands, has released the world’s largest vessel, christened Prelude, out of its dry-dock into South Korean waters. The bright red ship, which weighs 600,000 tons and is longer than the height of the Empire State Building, is set to serve as a liquefied natural gas facility to be towed and anchored 300 miles off the coast of western Australia. Shell estimates that the float-
Tri Delta will host philanthropic pancake breakfast Delta Delta Delta’s annual pancake breakfast will provide students with pancakes to raise money for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. Giselle Willis Staff Writer
Tonight from 10 p.m.–2 a.m. at the Tri Delta Chapter House, five-dollar blueberry and chocolate chip pancakes will fill the stomachs of hungry students finished with the last day of classes. Every year, the Delta Delta Delta sorority hosts TriHop (Tri Delta + IHOP = TriHop) to raise money for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, which is, according to Tri Delta sorority Philanthropy Chairman Anna Roberts,
“Tri Delta’s national philanthropic partner” and “a non-profit hospital for children’s cancer research and treatment based in Memphis, Tennessee.” Last year, the sorority raised $25,000 for St. Jude “through events like Pancake Breakfast, Hoops for Hope and (the) ‘Sincerely Yours’ Letter Writing Campaign,” continued Roberts, a senior Management Information Systems major from Arkansas. According to the hospital’s website, St. Jude’s has treated children “from around the world,” with an average of “7,800 active patients” visiting each year, and a daily operating cost of $1.8 million, “which is primarily covered by public contributions.” It goes on to say that survival rates have gone from “less than 20 percent when the hospital opened
in 1962 to 80 percent today,” and for acute lymphoblastic leukemia specifically, the survival rate has gone from 4 percent to 94 percent. Families that go to St. Jude do not pay for treatment. Roberts also said the TriHop will feature “great music,” as well as “plenty of syrup … bacon, milk and juice.” There will be raffle items donated by Tulsa businesses, and pictures with Santa for a dollar. Roberts concluded that “the Tulsa Tri Delta sisters are so passionate about St. Jude and the children’s lives that are saved every day. If you’d like to join in the fight against childhood cancer this holiday season, please contact Anna Roberts at anna-roberts@ utulsa.edu to make a donation today.”
Holmes offices will occupy ACAC The commuter lounge will be out of commision as Holmes offices are moved to the second floor of ACAC to accommodate the construction of a new dorm. Oscar Ho Staff Writer
You may have recently noticed heavy construction work on ACAC’s second floor. The space will soon become the temporary offices of Holmes Student Center while its current building is demolished and rebuilt. TU administration is ready to pick up Holmes and set it down in ACAC. The temporary Holmes will occupy the west end, Commuter Lounge and Gallery on the second floor. Earl Johnson, TU’s new Vice President for Enrollment Management and Student Services, told The Collegian that “all Holmes Student Center services” are moving to ACAC. According to Bob Shipley, Associate Vice President for Operations and Physical Plant, they are scheduled to move into the new Holmes by the beginning of fall 2015. Unfortunately, the move comes at a cost. TU administrators approached Student Association officers with a request to turn the Commuter Lounge into temporary office space. (The Commuter Lounge and the lockers inside were ordered last year by SA resolution and university consent.) SA agreed to the request. “The services offered by the Holmes staff are vital for the success of all TU students,” said SA President Katie McGouran, adding that the University “graciously offered to reinstate a much-improved commuter lounge” when Holmes moves out of ACAC, a promise TU Vice President Johnson reiterated. University and SA officials are determined to meet students’ needs during Holmes’ relocation. Activities in ACAC should not be severely impacted, according to Johnson.
“The Gallery will be the only room impacted by the temporary move,” he said, because employers will hold interviews in temporary offices there. McGouran thinks the move may be a good thing for student services. Speaking on behalf of SA, she said, “(We) believe that the Holmes staff will continue to provide the same quality of service regardless of their location—in fact, their increased proximity to students may be more convenient.” The Commuter Lounge has already been closed and will remain closed until it is rebuilt, which will be Fall 2015 at the earliest. Students who used the Commuter Lounge are not forgotten, said SA and University officials. “We realize the temporary move of the Holmes Student Center services is an inconvenience to commuters who previously utilized the area,” said Johnson, “and we sincerely appreciate their patience.” ACAC and SA worked to en-
sure that the lockers that were in the Lounge are still available, said McGouran. Lockers can be found beside or under the two main staircases and in the main dining area next to the newspaper stands. University administration is working to move Holmes personnel as painlessly as possible. The goal is to have students do business in the temporary offices in the same way they have always done in Holmes. “We think this move will prove beneficial for students in the longrun, and want to extend our gratitude to all commuter students for their patience,” said McGouran. According to Shipley, the temporary offices in ACAC will open in December in preparation for the Holmes Student Center demolition and new residence hall construction in January 2014. The temporary offices in ACAC will close and Student Services employees should move into their new space by the beginning of Fall 2015.
ing facility will be able to produce around 3.6 million tons of liquefied natural gas annually to help meet growing demands. Prelude has been designed to withstand a Category 5 cyclone and is scheduled to remain onsite for about 25 years. Europe EUROPEAN UNION Shell, the global group of oil companies based in the Netherlands, has released the world’s largest vessel, christened Prelude, out of its dry-dock into South Korean waters. The bright red ship, which weighs 600,000 tons and is longer than the height of the Empire State Building, is set to serve as a liquefied natural gas facility to be towed and anchored 300 miles off the coast of western Australia. Shell estimates that the floating facility will be able to produce around 3.6 million tons of liquefied natural gas annually to help meet growing demands. Prelude has been designed to withstand a Category 5 cyclone and is scheduled to remain onsite for about 25 years. UKRAINE Over 300,000 protesters took to the streets of Kiev last week after Ukrainian president Viktor Yanukovich failed to sign a trade agreement with the EU after months of pressure from its neighbor Russia. The Ukrainian government at-
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tempted to break up the protests with tear gas and stun grenades, but the protesters successfully held the centrally located Independence Square that became iconic in Ukraine’s 2004 Orange Revolution. The protests came to an apex on Sunday when the statue of former Soviet leader Vladimir Lenin was toppled by protesters. Current conflicts reflect the divide Ukraine has faced between the industrial, largely Russianspeaking East and Ukrainianspeaking West. Africa south africa Former South African President Nelson Mandela died last Thursday at the age of 95 at his home in Johannesburg after a long struggle with chronic lung infection. Mandela is most known for being the first black president of South Africa after he helped end apartheid by preaching reconciliation despite having been a political prisoner for 27 years. Mandela, along with Frederik Willem de Klerk, who preceded him as president, received the Nobel Peace Prize for their efforts in uniting their country. “Although we knew this day was going to come, nothing can diminish our sense of a profound and enduring loss,” said current President Jacob Zuma, who announced the passing. “Fellow South Africans, Nelson Mandela brought us together, and it is together that we will bid him farewell.” S. Tucker Dr. The RV’s retractable awning struck the sign and broke it off at the base. The driver admitted fault and Officers obtained their information. Dec. 1
Nov. 24 5:55 An Officer on patrol observed a vehicle tailgating his patrol vehicle through the US West Apartments. The Officer pulled over to let the vehicle pass and followed the vehicle off campus in an attempt to identify the vehicle. At approximately 0600, the Officer observed the vehicle park in the Brown Village Apartments. When approached by Officers, the driver was identified as a former student. The passenger was uncooperative and Trespass Warned but later identified as a student and an uncooperative person in Incident Report 961-13. Nov. 30 20:30 A Housing official reported witnessing the student carrying alcohol in the hallway. Officers disposed of the alcohol and searched the student’s room where Officers discovered a University barricade and empty alcohol bottles. The empty bottles were disposed of and the barricade confiscated. 20:30 A non-TU affiliate’s RV caused damage to a street sign at 8th St. &
The pit of de-stress
11:55 Officers conducted a vehicle traffic stop S. Gary Pl. after they observed a vehicle driving without headlights. Officers learned the driver, a TU student, did not possess a valid drivers license. The owner of the vehicle, another TU student, was contacted and explained that both students owned the vehicle. Dec. 2 11:55 A student reported that a center wheel cap was missing from their vehicle and was last seen on 23 November 2013. 15:45 A student reported their motorized scooter was stolen from a bike rack at the Mayo Village Apartments. The student claimed the front wheel was locked and that they had the only key. 21:00 A student and a non-TU affiliate were involved in a non-injury motor vehicle accident on 6th St. & S. Delaware Ave. The student ran into the rear end of the non-TU affiliate’s vehicle when the stop light on S. Delaware Ave. changed to green. Dec. 3 13:30 On 3 December 2013, an employee reported they believe gasoline was siphoned from their vehicle while parked in the Reynolds Center Lot on 22 November 2013. The employee reported they ran out of gas on the way home that day. Since the fuel gauge does not work in the vehicle, the employee gauges the fuel consumption by miles driven. The Investigating Officer did not observe any damage to the vehicle and the employee has obtained a locking gas cap. Dec. 5 18:00 Officers responded to a motor vehicle accident at 8th St. & S. Delaware Ave. A student lost traction on the icy road while attempting to stop on 8th St. and slid into the intersection on S. Delaware Ave. striking another student’s vehicle that was travelling north.
Courtesy Student Association
Last Thursday SA hosted a “Questions and Color” event to help students de-stress the week before exams. Students played in a ball pit where many of the balls had questions on them that would help the students learn more about each other.
The Collegian does not produce or edit the Campus Crime Watch except for content and brevity.
opinion
the Collegian : 8
9 December 2013
Report Card not informative about OK schools last school year, while the second half of the letter grade is based on Student Growth, which is further subdivided into two parts. These parts—both the growth of all students in the school and the growth of only the bottom 25 percent of students—are examined Morgan in the context of their OSTP ReadKrueger ing and Math exams. The achieved Apprentice Editor scores are analyzed in the context of a previous math or reading scores in order to determine growth. Additionally, schools can earn The A-F School Grading system bonus points. By meeting set criwas made law by Oklahoma Legteria in college entrance exams, islature in 2011, and its implemengraduation rates, dropout rates and tation has been rocky at best. attendance, among other areas. The controversy peaked this For example, high schools refall, when graders were released ceive five bonus points if they have and subsequently revised multiple over a 90 percent graduation rate, times amidst outcry that the grades although criteria differ between were arbitrary and unfair. So how grade schools, middle schools and does the grading system work? The overall letter grade is com- high schools. Student performance and stuprised from two parts. The first half dent growth plus any bonus points is based on Student Performance, are used to calculate the percentwhich includes student results on age assigned to each school. These all Oklahoma State Testing Propercentages translate into grades, gram (OSTP) exams given in the
The A-F report card used to judge Oklahoma schools serves no purpose whatsoever.
with over 90 percent equivalent to an A, over 80 to a B and so on. If a school fails to test 95 percent of eligible students, its overall letter grade will subsequently be lowered a letter. If fewer than 90 percent of students are tested, an F is automatically assigned to that school. This is confusing, as parents and the community don’t know if a school was assigned the grade they earned, or if their grade is an adjusted, penalized grade that doesn’t correctly reflect how well the school measures up to the state’s standards. However, there is no penalty for schools that receive a low grade; the system is simply intended to let the community know how well schools are performing and compare them. The 2013 Report Cards were released in November. Twenty percent of Oklahoma’s schools received A’s, 28 percent B’s and 26 percent Cs. This means 74 percent of Oklahoma schools earned a passing grade. However, 24 per-
cent of schools are failing with either a D or F. Whether this is due to not meeting standards or penalization of not testing enough of their students remains unclear. The remaining two percent of Oklahoma schools were labeled as “non-reported.” This grading system has received enormous scrutiny. A study conducted by researchers at OU and OSU analyzed over 15,000 student exam scores from 63 different schools concluded that there was “very little meaning” in the “misleading” modified letter grade system. Released in mid-October, the report found that “fundamental flaws...make letter grades virtually meaningless and ineffective for judging school performance,” according to the Tulsa World. Evaluations “hide important differences” between schools who receive different grades, according to News9. The OU/OSU report was subsequently reviewed by Dr. Robert Linn from the University of Colo-
rado, a renowned measurement and accountability expert. He concluded that the study provides “ a strong rationale for scrapping the current A-F system and developing a more valid accountability system for Oklahoma.” The OU/OSU report found several significant flaws. First, the difference between receiving an A and an F are small and mean little. The difference between a school receiving an A and an F could be merely every student missing four questions on one test. There were also issues in summarizing schools’ reading, math and science scores with a single letter. Researchers found that the achievement gaps between poor, minority children and wealthier, non-minority kids were masked by the given grades. With such glaring flaws, the point of the merely descriptive A-F Grading System is unclear. With no penalties or specific actions help schools improve, the letters are arguably useless.
Student prescription drug abuse overlooked
Students should be aware of the danger that prescription drugs pose when used recreationally. Giselle Willis
Staff Writer
This finals’ season, stress is in the air. Students hurry to finish final projects, papers and presentations—and it can be difficult to stay focused. According to Ilma Afroz of the Clinton Foundation, “the proportion of college students using prescription drugs went up dramati-
cally (between 1993 and 2005): use of opioids such as Vicodin, Oxycontin and Percocet increased by 343 percent, and use of stimulants like Ritalin or Adderall increased by 93 percent.” Overall, she said, “the consumption of prescription stimulants increased from 5 million people to 45 million” in the last 20 years. Afroz went on to say that “one person dies every 19 minutes from a drug overdose, and overdoses involving prescription painkillers now kill more Americans than those involving heroin and cocaine combined.” Most of those killed by prescription drugs are college students, so the Clinton Health Matters Initiative hopes to “cut in half the number of young people misusing prescription drugs for the first time, focusing especially on college
campuses,” which she says could save approximately 10,000 lives. These statistics prove that taking a prescription drug that has not been prescribed to you, or increasing your own dose, is not safe. This January, the Clinton Health Matters Initiative (CHMI) will partner with the Jed Foundation, Facebook and MTV to “offer a
“Seventy-two percent of pills used by abusers come from friends and family, with only four percent coming from the conventional drug dealer” prescription drug abuse prevention campaign targeted at college students, which will include pub-
Do those blue poles work? The emergency blue light poles should be dependable, and more students should know how to operate them. Nikki Hager
Staff Writer
The neighborhoods surrounding the University of Tulsa have a reputation for being crime-ridden and dangerous. Last year, the Papa John’s across the street from the campus was burglarized and a delivery truck driver was murdered. The neighborhood of North Tulsa is just up the street and has been named the 24th most dangerous neighborhood in the US by Neighborhoodscout, a ranking based on FBI violent crime data. Throughout both my time as a prospective student and in my involvement with the organization University Ambassadors, the measures taken by the university to keep campus safe have been emphasized by the university. In ad-
Consumption of alcohol on college campuses is a widespread issue in the United States. We the writers hope to inform University of Tulsa students about the dangers of binge drinking, the hazards and consequences of drinking and driving, and the specific, clear TU alcohol policy, both through this article and through the booth we ran at the Oct. 10 health fair in Allen Chapman Activity Center. Binge drinking is defined as “a pattern of drinking that brings a person’s blood alcohol concentration (BAC) to 0.08 grams percent or above. This typically happens when men consume 5 or more
dition to a heavy presence of campus security, blue “emergency” poles litter the campus. Any time a student feels unsafe or an emergency occurs, they are supposed to use the automated phones in the poles to call campus security. Last Thursday, after several hours of sleet and snow, I was driving down Delaware Avenue through campus. Another student attempted to stop at the stop sign at Eighth Street. However, due to the weather and road conditions, he was unable to stop, and his car slid into the intersection, hitting my passenger side door. Following the accident, the passenger in my car found the nearest blue emergency pole to contact Campus Security while the other driver and I moved our cars into the Delaware parking lot to exchange information. After several minutes, my friend returned and said that the pole did not work and he had not been able to contact campus security. Then I found another emergency pole in the parking lot. Again, when we tried to contact Campus Security, the pole did not work. Eventually, we flagged down one of the Campus Security cars, filed an incident
drinks, and when women consume 4 or more drinks, in about 2 hours,” according to the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. Binge drinking is strongly discouraged in the TU policy on alcohol. The policy states, “Students and/or organizations demonstrating abuse, intoxication, dependency, or disregard of this policy may be subject to University discipline and/or removal from the University setting and will be referred to appropriate University or community services for assistance.” Binge drinking is a problem prevalent to most young adults,
lic service announcements, social media and technical assistance to campuses implementing prevention programs,” continued Afroz. The Clinton Foundation website, www.clintonfoundation.org, explains that prescription drugs have grown in popularity because they are legal and often “prescribed by physicians, giving…the
report and resolved the situation. I find it very alarming that the poles did not work. If someone had been hurt in the accident, it would have been critical to contact emergency personnel immediately. Additionally, in the event that we would have had to call the Tulsa Police Department it would have taken even longer, considering the number of accidents and weather-related incidents at the time. Whether it is a vehicular accident or some other sort of emergency, immediate action should be available. I am also alarmed that in writing this article, I found that few TU students, even seniors in leadership positions, were quite sure about how the emergency poles work and exactly how they should be used. As a University Ambassador, I regularly tell prospective students on tours that these poles are reliable. However, beyond tours students rarely receive information or instruction about how these poles actually work. If these poles are going to be relied on by students, it is vital that everyone need to know both how they work and that they do work.
not just college students. However, we find that college students are more influenced to take part in binge drinking because of variables such as needed stress relief, having freedom from parental control, and lacking the knowledge of its dangers. College students may think drinking and driving is not a relevant issue for a residential campus. However, alcohol affects one’s judgment, so decision making after the intake may not be sound. The bottom line is that no matter the distance of your destination, drinking and driving should never be an option. Drunk driving occurs when an intoxicated person has a blood alcohol level over 0.08% and decides to drive. This is not safe. According to the US Department of Transportation, “Every 52 minutes on aver-
illusion of safety;” but, “in reality, the addiction and withdrawal associated with the abuse of many prescription drugs can be more harmful than that associated with illegal drugs.” This false sense of security is exacerbated when 72 percent of pills used by abusers come from friends and family, with only four percent coming from the conventional drug dealer, according to a CHMI publication.
It also said 6,600 people begin taking prescription drugs “for nonmedical use” every day. It’s no wonder that Adderall, the anxiety medication Klonopin, and the pain reliever oxycodone are all in the top ten drugs used on college campuses, according to Elite Daily. College student website ulifeline.org lists negative consequences of prescription drug abuse, including health problems, addiction, accidents, poor academic performance and legal trouble. Freshman Morgan Jackson was very surprised to hear the statistics, but biology major Alex Wade said, “there are too many prescription drugs, and they are too easily prescribed.” She recalled rumors that anyone can look up signs of ADHD, go to the doctor and successfully receive Adderall prescriptions, thinking that if people were more aware of the consequences of taking a drug without needing it, maybe they would stop. If you have any opinions on prescription drug abuse among college students, use #healthoncampus to tweet at the Clinton Foundation, @clintonfdn.
Over Thanksgiving Break, President Steadman Upham sent out an email to University of Tulsa students and faculty describing the increasing enrollment the university is experiencing and some upcoming changes to expect. We want to thank President Upham for explaining these concerns in such an upfront and direct manner. First, the email explains that the 13 percent increase in the size of the student body over the past two years was unplanned. The university had considered pursuing an increasing student body size in 2008, however the 2009 financial crisis prevented it from doing so. The recent increase, according to Upham, is a result of better economic conditions. Upham acknowledges that parts of the university are not
equipped to handle such a high volume of students. Second, Upham describes upcoming changes to TU that will attempt to alleviate some of the problems created by higher enrollment including a new building where the Holmes Students Center currently is, hiring more faculty and creating new programs. We understand that running a university is extremely difficult, and it is often challenging to keep students informed. We want to thank President Upham for keeping the student body, faculty and community up to date and involved with all of the upcoming changes.
age, someone is killed in a drunk driving crash (9,878 people in total in 2011).” This crime is entirely preventable. However, people still believe they are okay to drive and risk the chance. This is a personal transportation plan before having alcohol intake is paramount. It is a shame that some violators do not learn their lesson the first time. “About one-third of the drunk driving problem—arrests, crashes, deaths, and injuries— come from repeat offenders,” claims the U.S. Department of Transportation National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. The problem of drinking and driving is a grave problem in today’s society. It is an issue that is never fully resolved. However, there have been many campaigns and public awareness initiatives that aim to fix the is-
sue. Initiatives like this may not be fully effective to eradicate the problem, but every little bit counts towards making our world a safer place in which to live. Many students do not consider that the TU alcohol policy has bearing on their behavior. Serious consequences are possible starting with the first offense. The school’s alcohol policy is available to everyone on TU’s website. The hope of this letter is to reach a wider audience with the merits of moderation. The three concepts of binge drinking, drinking and driving and TU alcohol policy are good to keep in mind as one enjoys being a TU student. Ellie Borje, Elizabeth Smith, & Dr. Lynn Clutter University of Tulsa, Collins College of Business, School of Nursing
The Collegian Staff
The Collegian: 9
9 December 2013
Spilling the beans: What’s brewing in Tulsa’s coffee scene? Nikki Hager Breviewmaster
Finals are sure to bring many late-nights and all-nighters for TU students. That means one thing—coffee. In the past few years, several coffee shops, like 918 Coffee, The Phoenix and Foolish Things, have opened. It’s easy to get stuck going to the same place every time to study, but so long as you don’t die in an ice storm driving down Tulsa streets, going to a new coffee shop or trying a new drink, might be kind of fun. These seven coffee shops are all within a fifteen-minute drive of campus.
The Phoenix Location: The Pearl District 1302 E. 6th St. Hours: Mon–Thurs: 6:30 a.m.–12:00 a.m. Fri–Sat: 6:30 a.m.–2:00 a.m. Sun: 6:30 a.m.–12:00 a.m. The rundown: The Phoenix opened earlier this year. It’s pretty much the college students’ dream. In addition to a coffee menu, The Phoenix offers a fully stocked bar, so after studying for your organic chemistry final for six hours, you can always switch from shots of espresso to shots of tequila. Or come for the best hangover bagels on the planet. Seriously, they are the best. If you’re not one for bagels, the menu is extensive. Specialty: The Phoenix offers a ton of snacks to share, including chocolate fondue and s’mores “served on a personal fire pit.”
Foolish Things
Location: Downtown, 1001 S Main St Hours: Mon–Fri: 7:00 a.m.–6:30 p.m. Sat: 8:00 a.m.–3:30 p.m. Foolish Things is another recent arrival in Tulsa. It uses locally roasted Topéca beans. While coffee enthusiasts may be familiar with the different ways coffee can be brewed, the causal sipper may not. The traditional cup of coffee, like the kind brewed in a standard coffee maker at home, is a drip coffee. Lattés, cappuccinos, Americanos and the like are espresso-based drinks, or a highly concentrated brew made from espresso beans. A lesser-known brew is a pour over—similar to drip, this uses a fancy funnel. Foolish Things specializes in espresso and pour over lines. Specialty: Foolish Things is unique in a lot of ways. There’s lots of specialty and experimental drinks, such as the Dusty Rose, a rosewater lemonade with espresso. It also gives a lot of discounts: get 10 percent off with a TU ID, or 30 percent off for riding a bike to the shop.
The Phoenix n
All photos Nikki Hager / Collegia
The Coffee House on Cherry Street
Shades of Brown
Location: Cherry Street, 1502 E 15th St Hours: Mon–Thurs: 6:30 a.m.–11:00 p.m. Fri–Sat: 6:30 a.m.–12:00 a.m. Sun: 7:00 a.m.–11:00 p.m.
Location: Brookside, 3302 S. Peoria Hours: Mon–Fri: 6:30 a.m.–12:00 a.m. Sat: 7:00 a.m.–12:00 a.m. Sun: 8:00 a.m.–12:00 a.m.
The Rundown: The Coffee House on Cherry Street (CHOCS) serves locally-roasted Doubleshot coffee and offers a wide selection of breakfast and pastry options made daily and with local ingredients. When the weather cooperates there’s a large porch outside that makes for a great study spot. Something to keep in mind, there’s a five dollar minimum for credit card purchases, so if you plan on ordering just coffee, be sure to have cash on hand. Specialty: Vegan/Gluten Free. Often times, establishments will offer one or two vegetarian or vegan options, not a lot of variety. CHOCS offers all kinds of vegan and gluten-free baked goods. Even if you’re a raging carnivore, the vegan baked goods are worth trying.
The Rundown: Late night hours and ample outlets are a must for study spots. Shades of Brown is open until midnight every night of the week and offers numerous outlets for laptops, cell phones and iPads. It also sells local artwork. Specialty: Their mugs are awesome. Owner Melinda Curren makes them by hand.
918 Coffee
Location: 2446 E 11th St. Hours: Mon–Sun: 6:00 a.m. –12:00 a.m. The Rundown: 918 Coffee is right down the street from campus, so as long as there’s not six inches on ice on the roads and sidewalks, 918 Coffee is only a short bike ride away. The shop opened up this year and was converted from an old garage. They also offer a TU student discount. Specialty: 918 Coffee has an extensive selection of smoothies, including the “Gold and Blue” blueberry mango smoothie, themed specially for TU.
Sumatra Coffee
Location: Brookside, 4244 S Peoria Ave Hours: There are no posted hours online or on the door. Call before going to Sumatra.
CHOCS Shades of Brown
The rundown: The owner, Yvonne, is extremely kind and the service here is excellent. It’s one of the only places, if not the only place, to get bubble tea in Tulsa. The only downside is that the hours are really sporadic; it could be 2 p.m. on a Tuesday and the place may not be open. However, it’s worth the extra call. Specialty drink: Bubble tea. If you don’t know what bubble tea is, stop whatever it is you’re doing and go to Sumatra Coffee House and get one. Also known as pearl milk tea or boba tea, the drink is usually tea-based, iced and mixed with fruit or syrup. Bubble tea’s signature, however, is chewy tapioca balls. You drink it with a giant straw. It’s lots of fun.
the
The State-run Media
9 December 2013
State-Run media God’s gift to journalism.
Top Ten Things to Do When You Are Alone for the Holidays... Helen Patterson
Single and Ready to Jingle 1) Buy presents for yourself since nobody else will. Wrap them in newspapers and tape them shut with the binding sorrow of your tears. 2) Make your own bathtub-eggnog. Be liberal with the booze. 3) Call all of your exes, your friends, your boss and your entire estranged family. Play a loud party track in the background and pretend that they are missing all kinds of fun. This works best after indulging in some of your eggnog. Graphic by Anna Bennett
4) Join groups of wandering carolers. Bask in the borrowed glow of belonging.
Despite Santaland!, Inc. representatives insisting that they pay their elves a living wage, leaked documents are now supporting anecdotal evidence that the corporation is in fact evil. CEO Kris Kringle said at presstime that “if they don’t like working for Stantaland!, why don’t they find another North Pole toy manufacturer to work for?”
5) Ask the mall Santa for “Just one person who cares!” Be sure to grab a free candy cane before you run crying to your car.
Controversial toy drive polarizes
6) Attend every holiday-related pageant, talent show, choral production and play that you can. Remember to bring your tissues so that you don’t have to wipe your eyes on your sleeve when you remember that you are alone.
Santaland!, Inc. defends controversial toy drive for employees, denies allegations of abject misery among elves. Carly Putnam
Elfish Correspondent Spokespeople for the powerful Santaland!, Inc., whose North Pole manufacturing and distribution hubs shower billions of children worldwide with toys every Christmas, have gone on the defensive this week after images of toy collection bins set up in the staff room of one of Santaland!’s workshops went viral. “Christmas is all about the spirit of giving,” argued company owner and CEO Kris Kringle, who pointed out that donating pittances to those locked into poverty by economic forces outside of their control is the true joy of Christmas. Elfish activists argue that the bins, whose labels urged elfish employees to donate toys to be given as gifts to children in struggling elfish families, are proof of Santaland!’s refusal to provide a living wage for employees.
Furthermore, statistics released over the last decade have consistently reported that a substantial proportion of Santaland!, Inc. employees are on food stamps, and rumors of employees struggling to make ends meet have persisted for decades. But, says Mr. Kringle, there’s no reason for associates to fret– there are always ways for struggling elves to make do this holiday season. ElfHelp.com, an employee resource website run by the Associate Resources department of Santaland!, Inc., suggests such strategies as selling children to the circus and eating cotton balls to lower grocery bills, and reducing heating costs by burning the bodies of deceased family members in the fireplaces conveniently provided in every Santaland! associate hovel. The only elf associate who agreed speak to this paper on the record spoke positively, if lukewarmly, about the toy collection bins. “Let’s face it,” volunteered Leah Crumpet, “a secondhand Tickle Me Elmo isn’t going to pay for my child’s cancer treatments– but at least it’ll make her happy if she survives until Christmas!” When asked if she was aware
of leaked documents indicating that Santaland!, Inc. would begin shifting its manufacturing to a subsidiary in Vietnam next quarter, Ms. Crumpet shook her head and backed away quickly, murmuring that she needed to finish her shift. Later, this paper learned, Crumpet froze to death in her home. Her children promptly burned her body for heat. In the face of such gross mistreatment allegations, some have wondered why the toy collection bins are receiving so much attention. “There are plenty of pictures of elves sewing soccer balls with their teeth,” admitted one activist, speaking under the condition of anonymity. “But these collection bins get much better press. They’re sad, but not too sad, you know? Like, comparatively.” Share prices for Santaland! have held steady throughout the week. “I mean, sure – the news has been plenty depressing,” said soccer mom Karen Knot, speaking in the parking lot of a popular big box retailer in South Tulsa. “But it’s Christmas–who can stay sad for long?” “And,” she added, “You just can’t beat those prices!”
7) Listen to Mariah Carey’s second Christmas album. 8) Watch every single holiday movie there is. Especially the Hallmark Original movies. Everyone knows that those are some of the finest films ever made. 9) Sit under your sun lamp, attempting to ward off your Seasonal Affective Disorder with the comforts of skin-cancer inducing UV rays. 10) Tell every child you see that there is no Santa, life is meaningless and he/she will never be loved. Looking for a brand new, instant holiday classic? Fox News Studios has just released their first entertaining offering for seasonal cheer, “How Obama Stole Christmas.” Although some of the rhymes are more forced than Seussical (rhyming “Benghazi” with “Commie”), the shoddily animated film nevertheless captures the spirit of its time. Children will love the colorful character and catchy songs, including such rousing numbers as “Every Real Who Says ‘Merry Christmas’” and “NSA Scandal.” Adults will appreciate the film’s subtle and sophisticated political humor, like the moment where the Mayor of Whoville says, “Obama is the Antichrist!” We won’t spoil the ending, but it involves a website that just won’t work! Will the Whos be able to stop Obama from Graphic by Nikki Hager taking all their guns? Find out by watching!
One Direction revolutionizes pop music 2013’s British Invasion dwarfs the influence of The Who, The Rolling Stones and The Beatles. Nicholas Foster Best Reviewer Ever
Directioners, your moment has come. The potential that was bubbling over on previous releases “Up All Night” and “Take Me Home” has now come to a rolling boil, and we are all the beneficiaries of the culmination of One Direction’s unparalleled culinary excellence, “Midnight Memories.” Critics may search and search for flaws, but “Midnight Memories” twists and warps the sounds we are so familiar with into a sonic landscape unlike anything we’ve heard before—originality in its basest, purest form. It will undeniably be championed as a watershed moment in pop history, though calling it “pop” is akin to likening a beautiful wintry landscape to a piece of white construction paper. No singular genre can hold the complexities that lie in the most skillfully crafted 48 minutes that we are likely to see this decade. “Memories” storms out of the gate without mercy: the opener, entitled “Best
Song Ever,” is, if possible, an understatement; Harry Styles’ delicate soprano glides through a provocative verse, equal parts teasing and sincerity, before the dam bursts and chorus waters flood the listener with a dizzying mix of emotions—pride, jealousy, lust, patriotism. The connection is so deep, so real, that it is immediately hard to imagine viewing popular music through the same prism again. As the album continues, what’s truly striking is how indebted they are to so many other genres of music while still sounding completely original. There is a constant stream of influences—shoegaze, krautrock, trip-hop, even ancient Javanese Gamelan— assimilated into one unified, perfect sound. And yet, the element finally pushes “Memories” over the top, though, is how introspective it is. 1D turns the mirror inward on themselves, and upon reflection, projects their deepest faults, fears, and fascinations on their ever-changing environment, leaving only shadows to flesh out the stories between their dense and provocative lyrics. Those who found their previous content a bit too maudlin will be refreshed here, as every “ooh” and “baby” is punctuated with an airy sense of the transience of life and love. Only the passing of years will be able to define where “Memories” finds its home in
Photo Courtesy One Direction. No seriously. This is a real picture.
One Direction will be blessing the city of Tulsa with their revolutionary new sound next September. Although apparently, they may need some directions so they don’t get lost in Arkansas.
the pantheon of recorded music, but this reviewer sees it being very near the top. There are so few albums that feel this whole and complete, and that balance innovation and sincerity this well, that know how to stimulate an audience in just the right ways to push them over the edge, leaving them reeling in a bliss-soaked haze.
FUCK
Thank you, One Direction, for providing us with a singularity in these troubling times. Lord knows we need it. Author’s Note: You can catch One Direction in concert at the BOK Center on September 23, 2014. Get your tickets online or at the box office. Go Razorbacks!