October 17, 2022

Abortion illegal Abortion restricted Abortion legal with fewer restrictions Abortion legal with very few or no restrictions Abortion laws still under review

Abortion access for Oklahomans, p. 3 Human composting is becoming legal, but is it moral? p. 4 Tulsa volleyball looks to rally in coming games, p. 5 Stocking up for the winter, p. 6 Unplanned 2 set to film in Broken Arrow, p. 8

News

The Collegian: 2

October 17, 2022

No. 6 Tennessee beats No. 3 Alabama 52-49 on late FG Al Lesar Associated Press KNOXVILLE, Tenn. (AP) — After 15 years of being a rival to Alabama in name only, Tennessee snapped a humbling losing streak, stamped itself a championship contender and celebrated in spectacular fashion.

Chase McGrath made a 40-yard field goal as time expired to give No. 6 Tennessee a 52-49 victory over No. 3 Alabama on Saturday.

As soon as the kick knuckle-balled through the uprights, some of the more than 100,000 fans stormed the field to join the party as the Volunteers (6-0, 3-0 Southeastern Conference) ended a 15-game drought to the Crimson Tide (6-1, 3-1).

Fireworks went off over Neyland Stadium and it glowed orange as the song “Dixieland Delight” by the band Alabama — a Crimson Tide favorite — blared over the stadium speakers.

And it didn’t take long for the goal posts to go down.

“This is college football at its absolute best,” Vols coach Josh Heupel said. “We were the best team on the field tonight. That’s all we can control.”

“We didn’t answer the bell today,” Alabama coach Nick Saban said. “We did too many things to help (Tennessee).”

Hendon Hooker drove the Vols 45 yards in 13 seconds to set up the winner. An 18-yard pass to Ramel Keyton and 27-yard hookup with Bru McCoy set the stage for the winner.

“It wasn’t my cleanest hit,” said McGrath, who missed a PAT earlier. “I didn’t have the best contact on the ball.”

Jalin Hyatt caught six passes for 207 yards, setting a Tennessee record with five touchdowns and earning a postgame cigar — a longheld tradition in the third Saturday of October rivalry — with former Vols great Peyton Manning.

Bryce Young, a game-time decision because of a sprained right shoulder two weeks ago, completed 35 passes for 455 yards and two TDs for the Tide.

“It was great to be out there with my teammates,” the Heisman Trophy winner said.

“Shoulder is fine.”

Hyatt’s fifth TD catch tied it at 49 with 3:26 left in the fourth. “(This game) just happened,” Hyatt said.

“It’s not just me. It was just the looks we got.”

Young drove the Tide into the Tennessee territory in the final minute, but Alabama stalled at the 33 with three straight incomplete passes.

Will Reichard’s 50-yard field goal attempt for the lead was wide way right.

courtesy Associated Press Tennessee students toppled the goal post in celebration of ending their long drought.

With only 15 seconds left, overtime seemed likely, but Hooker wasn’t done and did the Heisman winner one better.

Hooker finished 21 for 30 for 385 yards and five TDs. “He played at an unbelievable level,” Heupel said. “He’s the key to our ignition.”

Tennessee had not beaten a Top 10 teams since 2006 against Georgia. That was also the last year the Vols beat Alabama.

A season later, Saban became Alabama’s coach. While the Tide has become college football’s greatest dynasty with six national titles, Tennessee has burned through coaches and been mired in mediocrity.

In his second season in Knoxville, Heupel has pulled the Vols from the muck.

Tennessee looks like a legitimate national title contender behind a transfer quarterback from Virginia Tech who should now be right near the top of those Heisman leaderboards.

“We approach every game the same,” Hooker said. “Play 100% for our brothers.”

A week after Alabama held Texas A&M out of the end zone on the last play of the game to dodge an upset, the Tide went down. The Vols scored the most points against an Alabama team since Sewanee put 54 on the Tide in 1907.

The Tide also had 17 penalties for 130 yards, the most during the Saban era, according to ESPN. Tennessee’s up-tempo offense jumped out to a 21-7 first-quarter lead and led 28-20 at halftime. All four touchdown drives took over two minutes.

Young threw for 205 yards and a touchdown in the first half, while Hooker had 166 yards and two scores. Young wasn’t sacked, but was knocked down five times in the half.

Alabama fumbled Tennessee’s only punt.

The Vols recovered and scored four plays later.

THE TAKEAWAY Alabama: The Tide will lament the final time it had the ball and not being able to just get a few more yards for Reichard, who missed three field goals last week against A&M. Jahmyr Gibbs dropped a short pass over the middle with room to run on second down and then the Tide threw again incomplete on third. A running playing or two could have also forced Tennessee to burn a timeout, which ended up coming in handy when the Vols got the ball back.

Tennessee: Four of Tennessee’s six victories have come against teams that were ranked at the time of the game — though none of Pitt, LSU and Florida were ranked coming into this

weekend. Still, the Vols resume is as good as any in the country.

NOT AVAILABLE Two key Tennessee players weren’t available. WR Cedric Tillman, who sustained a high ankle sprain against Akron, didn’t play despite having surgery to speed up the recovery process three weeks ago. This was his third missed game ... S Jaylen McCollough, a four-year starter, was arrested for aggravated assault last weekend. He had played in all 41 games since his freshman year with 32 starts.

BY THE NUMBERS Hooker has thrown a touchdown pass in 18 consecutive games, tying Heath Shuler’s school record (1992-94). His third-quarter interception was his first in 260 passes.

OLD SCHOOL Tennessee had the ball on the Alabama 2.

Breaking from the norm, Hooker went under center rather than the shotgun as the Vols were lined up in the I-formation. Fullback Princeton Fant, a tight end who was recruited as a running back, had his first carry since 2018 and scored.

UP NEXT Alabama: Hosts Mississippi State next Saturday.

Tennessee: Hosts Tennessee-Martin next Saturday.

Alex Jones ordered to pay $965 million for Sandy Hook lies Dave Collins Associated Press WATERBURY, Conn. (AP) — Jurors ordered conspiracy theorist Alex Jones on Wednesday to pay nearly $1 billion to Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting victims’ relatives and an FBI agent, who said he turned their loss and trauma into years of torment by promoting the lie that the rampage was a hoax.

The $965 million verdict is the second big judgment against the Infowars host for spreading the myth that the deadliest school shooting in U.S. history never happened, and that the grieving families seen in news coverage were actors hired as part of a plot to take away people’s guns.

The verdict came in a defamation lawsuit filed by some of the families of 26 people who were killed in the 2012 shooting, plus an FBI agent who was among the first responders. A Texas jury in August awarded nearly $50 million to the parents of another slain child.

Robbie Parker, who lost his 6-yearold daughter, Emilie, said outside the Connecticut court that he was proud that “what we were able to accomplish was

just to simply tell the truth.”

“And it shouldn’t be this hard, and it shouldn’t be this scary,” said Parker, who became an early target of conspiracy theorists after he spoke at a news conference the day after the shooting.

The jury awarded him the most of any plaintiff: $120 million.

Jones wasn’t at court but reacted on his Infowars show.

As courtroom video showed the jury awards being read out, Jones said that he himself had never mentioned the plaintiffs’ names.

“All made up. Hilarious,” he said.

“So this is what a show trial looks like.

I mean, this is the left completely out of control.”

Jones’ lawyer, Norm Pattis, portrayed the trial as unfair and pledged to appeal.

“Today is a very, very, very dark day for freedom of speech,” he said outside court.

The jury awarded various sums to the victims’ relatives, who testified that they were threatened and harassed for years by people who believed the lies told on Jones’ show. Strangers showed up at the families’ homes to record them. People hurled abusive comments on social media.

The plaintiffs argued that Sandy Hook coverage helped Jones’s career explode.

courtesy Associated Press

Mark Barden testified that conspiracy theorists urinated on the grave of his 7-year-old son, Daniel, and threatened to dig up the coffin; Barden and his wife were together awarded about $86 million. Now-retired FBI Agent William Aldenberg, awarded $90 million, described the horror he saw at the school as he responded alongside other law enforcement, and his outrage at seeing online claims that he was an actor.

Erica Lafferty, the daughter of slain Sandy Hook principal Dawn Hochsprung, testified that people mailed rape threats to her house.

“I wish that after today, I can just be a daughter grieving my mother and stop worrying about the conspiracy theorists,” Lafferty said outside court. But she predicted that Jones’ “hate, lies and conspiracy theories will follow both me and my family through the rest of our days.”

To plaintiff William Sherlach, the verdict “shows that the internet is not the wild, wild West, and that your actions have consequences.”

He had testified about seeing online posts that falsely posited that the shooting was a hoax; that his slain wife, school psychologist Mary Sherlach, never existed; that he was part of a financial cabal and somehow involved with the school shooter’s father; and more. He told jurors the shooting deniers’ vitriol made him worry for his family’s safety.

“Going forward — because, unfortunately, there will be other horrific events like this — people like Alex Jones will have to rethink what they say,” Sherlach said.

Testifying during the trial, Jones acknowledged he had been wrong about Sandy Hook. The shooting was real, he said. But in the courtroom and on his show, he was defiant.

He called the proceedings a “kangaroo court,” mocked the judge, called the plaintiffs’ lawyer an ambulance chaser and labeled the case an affront to free speech rights. He claimed it was a conspiracy by Democrats and the media to silence him and put him out of business.

“I’ve already said ‘I’m sorry’ hundreds of times, and I’m done saying I’m sorry,” he told jurors.

Twenty children and six adults died in the shooting on Dec. 14, 2012; relatives of five children and three educators sued in Connecticut. The trial was held at a courthouse in Waterbury, about 20 miles (32 kilometers) from Newtown, where the attack took place.

The lawsuit accused Jones and Infowars’ parent company, Free Speech Systems, of using the mass killing to build his audience and make millions of dollars. Experts testified that Jones’ audience swelled, as did his revenue from product sales, when he made Sandy Hook a topic on the show.

In both the Texas and Connecticut lawsuits, judges found the company liable for damages by default after Jones failed to cooperate with court rules on sharing evidence, including failing to turn over records that might have showed whether Infowars had profited from knowingly spreading misinformation about mass killings.

Because he was already found liable, Jones was barred from mentioning free speech rights and other topics during his testimony.

Jones now faces a third trial, in Texas, in a lawsuit filed by the parents of another child killed in the shooting.

It is unclear how much of the verdicts Jones can afford to pay. During the trial in Texas, he testified he couldn’t afford any judgment over $2 million, and his lawyers plan to appeal and try to reduce the damages there. Free Speech Systems has filed for bankruptcy protection.

But an economist testified in the Texas proceeding that Jones and his company were worth as much as $270 million.

A lawyer for the families in the Connecticut case, Josh Koskoff, said that “if this verdict shuts down Alex Jones, good.”

“He’s been walking in the shadow of death to try to profit on the backs of people who have just been devastated,” Koskoff said. “That is not a business model that should be sustainable in the United States.”

October 17, 2022

News

The Collegian: 3

Post-Roe abortion access in Oklahoma Following the overturn of Roe v.

Wade, abortion access in the United States has become increasingly difficult, especially in more conservative states like Oklahoma.

Victoria Grossman Student Writer On June 24, the Supreme Court released its ruling on the case of Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization, stating that the Constitution did not guarantee the right to an abortion, effectively overruling more than 50 years of case precedence. This new ruling effectively overturned the landmark ruling on Roe v. Wade of 1973. This Supreme Court decision drastically changed abortion access in many states, including Oklahoma. The state had a so-called “trigger law” in effect to automatically ban most abortions pending the overturn of Roe v.

Wade. Under the new Oklahoma law, abortion is only legal in cases of sexual assault, incest or if carrying the fetus full-term would result in the death of the carrier. Oklahoma is one of thirteen states to have placed “trigger” laws prior to the overturning of the landmark case. Other nearby states that automatically banned abortions include Missouri, Texas, and Arkansas.

The overturn of Roe comes after a draft of the majority Supreme Court opinion was leaked in May, kicking off protests and ral-

lies for abortion access across the country.

When the opinion was leaked, many of the justices expressed grave concern for the sanctity of the court. Even now, several months removed from the event, no more details regarding the leaker’s identity have come to light. Opinions offered in the press have theorized much on the strategic reason for the leak, the most prevalent of which being that the leak may have served to solidify the votes of the justices, so the 5-4 majority against Roe v. Wade would remain.

The court has come under heavy fire for the ruling, due in part to several conservative judges proclaiming Roe to be “settled law” during their confirmation hearings.

Brett Kavanaugh, Neil Gorsuch and Chief Justice John Roberts, three of the conservative judges that voted to overturn Roe, gave no indication they would vote in such a way. According to Gallop polls, the court’s credibility has dropped over 11% in the past year, presumably not only as a result of this ruling, but also because of former Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s decisions regarding nominees.

Following Justice Antonin Scalia’s death in February 2016, it appeared that thenPresident Obama would nominate a justice to be confirmed in his place. Instead, McConnell, who was in charge of scheduling senate confirmation hearings, refused to allow the former president to nominate a judge, arguing that it was too close to the

November presidential election. McConnell suggested that as the American people voted for their next president, they were also voting on the future of the court. McConnell abandoned this argument when liberal Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg died mere weeks before the 2020 presidential election, allowing former President Trump to nominate a conservative justice who was then confirmed to the court. Some argue that if McConnell had played by the same rules both times, either preventing

both nominations or preventing neither, the Supreme Court and abortion access would look differently today.

The new abortion ban does not mean Oklahomans cannot get an abortion for any other reason. Traveling out of state to seek an abortion is not illegal under the new state law. Under the Kansas State Constitution, abortion remains legal and it will be for the foreseeable future.

courtesy Wikimedia Commons Leading up to the offical statement, protests were held around the world advocating for abortion access.

True Blue Pantry aims to end food insecurity in students The True Blue Pantry on campus seeks to eliminate student hunger on campus by offering free food to students at TU. Mary Lickona Business & Advertising Manager Food. We all need it. We all want it. But sometimes, it is a bit hard to come by. Maybe you struggle knowing where your next meal will come from, or you wonder whether you’ve eaten a vegetable all week. An article published earlier this month in The International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health found that 43.5% of students in higher education suffer from food insecurity, that is, a lack of resources necessary for a healthy and sustainable diet. The causes of food insecurity are many, from a lack of money to a lack of healthy food options. No matter the cause however, no student should have to choose between food and school.

The True Blue Pantry seeks to solve this problem for our campus. Located at 8th &

The pantry provides a wide range of food options like fresh produce, canned goods and microwaveable or other easy to prepare meals.

The pantry also provides free toiletries, such as shampoo, soap and women’s sanitary supplies. New shipments come in every week from Oasis and the Eastern Oklahoma Food Bank, which also includes gluten and dairy free options.

The True Blue Pantry not only exists to alleviate food-related stress among students, but to also serve the community by working to remove the stigma surrounding food insecurity. Diego Espinosa, the GA for the True Blue Pantry, says, “This is a place where students can alleviate their stress. We don’t want the community to struggle with food insecurity, and we want to remove the stigma. We want this to be a safe space where students can come and talk. We can even provide information about other food options and services if True Blue doesn’t work for you.” In addition to de-stigmatizing food insecurity, the True Blue Pantry also aims to promote and provide education around healthy eating and healthy living.

“The pantry provides a wide range of food options like fresh produce, canned goods and microwavable...meals” Gary in LaFortune Hall (across from the Reynolds Center and in the same building that the bike shop used to be), the True Blue Pantry provides food for any student, staff or faculty member. Open from 12-7pm Monday through Thursday and 8am-7pm Friday’s, anyone who needs food can come by and fill out a one-time application to indicate your needs.

How can students get involved with the True Blue Pantry? Spread the word, Diego says. 44% of students on campus have no idea that there is a free, local food pantry here at TU. Students can also donate if they have the resources, or just come by on Mondays (delivery days) to help unpack supplies. Reach out to your friends if they are struggling and let

courtesy Coalition on Human Needs Having food to eat while studying in school is a right, and the True Blue Pantry is here to help students.

them know that there are resources. It is hard enough to provide for yourself generally, but with inflation and the added stress of school it becomes even more difficult.

Living on your own for the first time presents many challenges, but food insecurity does not have to be one of them. Whether you are food insecure or just insecure about how

to maintain a consistent, healthy diet, the True Blue Pantry is here to serve you.

True Blue Pantry is at 8th & Gary in LaFortune Hall, with free and healthy food options for anyone on campus.

Open Mon-Thurs 12-7pm and Fri 8am7pm.

courtesy Facebook.com @University of Tulsa Parent and Family Association The University of Tulsa has resources available to students who need it.

The Collegian: 4

Commentary

October 10, 2022

Human composting gains traction in the U.S.

Green burials have been legalized in five states amid opposition from the Catholic Church.

Shelby Hiens Commentary Editor The phrase “human composting” is not something you hear everyday. It is otherwise known as the “green burial” option that has emerged in five states so far. Washington, Vermont, Oregon, Colorado and now California have legalized green burials.

You are likely asking yourself what exactly a green burial is. “The process involves placing human remains in a steel box with biodegradable materials, which help the body naturally decompose,” according to Pew Charitable Trusts. Soil is produced during the process which is then given to the family of the deceased. The family may use the soil to spread in their flowerbeds or grow potted plants.

courtesy wikimedia commons Five states have legalized green burials as of now.

Recompose, a death care company based in Seattle, describes the process in-depth, “Recompose places each body into a stainless steel vessel along with wood chips, alfalfa, and straw. Microbes that naturally occur on the plant material and on and in our bodies power the transformation into soil.

Over the next 30 days, everything inside the vessel breaks down thanks to natural decomposition. The soil is then removed from the vessel, screened for non-organic items such as hip implants, tested for safety, and allowed to dry and cure for an additional two to four weeks. Once the soil is complete after six to eight weeks, families can either take it home for use on trees and plants, or donate it to conservation efforts. Each body creates one cubic yard of soil amendment.”

Green burials are more eco-friendly and sustainable than other conventional burial practices. When the deceased are prepared for a viewing at a funeral, they are injected with embalming fluid to keep them from decomposing so they retain a life-like appearance. Embalming fluid is extremely toxic to the environment and to us, requiring bodies to be encased in steel and concrete if they are buried in the ground to prevent toxins from leaking into groundwater systems and the surrounding earth. Embalmers and grounds-

courtesy wikimedia commons Green burials are eco-friendly and more sustainable than conventional burial practices and cremation.

ones without harming our environment and cluttering the ground with non-biodegradable caskets. We can conserve our natural resources, reduce carbon emissions and

at best with this proposed composting/fertilizing method, which is more appropriate for vegetable trimmings and eggshells than for human bodies.”

“Green burials are not new in any capacity. People were buried in the ground long before embalming fluids were invented.” keepers are also at risk of contracting blood and neurological diseases as well as cancer from the toxic nature of the chemicals.

Cremation is no better for the environment. Cremating the deceased requires the burning of fossil fuels and generates air pollutants that are harmful to the surrounding environment and humans. “Cremation requires a lot of fuel, and it results in millions of tons of carbon dioxide emissions per year,” according to National Geographic.

Green burials are not new in any capacity. People were buried in the ground long before embalming fluids were invented. Allowing the body to decompose naturally and return to the earth is the most sustainable method of caring for our deceased loved

work on restoring the environment if more people switch to green burials.

The Catholic Church opposes the practice of green burials, saying that the process fails to show “respect for the body of the deceased.” Executive Director for the California Catholic Conference Kathleen Domingo said the process “reduces the human body to simply a disposable commodity.”

The New York State Catholic Conference shared a statement in response to the human composting bill awaiting approval in the state. It said, “While not everyone shares the same beliefs with regard to the reverent and respectful treatment of human remains, we believe there are a great many New Yorkers who would be uncomfortable

The green burial option would not take away from the celebration of the life that was lost or dehumanize the process. The ritual a family uses to process and cope with death could incorporate green burials. What is the difference between receiving the ashes of the deceased versus the soil? If anything, receiving the soil that was produced from a loved one could help with the emotional and spiritual connection of knowing that new life will grow from that person.

It’s time society adopted a four-day work week

Society is evolving and so is the workplace. It’s time to stop laboring over jobs for 40 hours a week.

Abby Fakhoury Student Writer As Americans, 40-hour work weeks are the standard if not the minimum amount of time spent on the job. With the majority of daytime hours spent at the office, we often leave family time and household duties for the leftover scraps of time in the evenings.

Sometimes, the typical American lifestyle leaves me to wonder if we work to live or live to work.

courtesy wikimedia commons There are approximately 70 companies and organizations participating in the U.K. trial.

the hours spent working have any effects on productivity? These are the questions that leaders in countries like the United Kingdom, Sweden and Spain have asked, and the results of their trials would shock workaholics everywhere. In fact, 95% of U.K. com-

Ford pioneered the two-day weekend with his implementation of the 40-hour work week. While this creation has tokenized the American worklife, I think that the evolution of our economy beyond assembly line labor would justify a shift. Our modern commerce system seems to have secrets

from even the most expert economists, as if we’ve poured so much of ourselves into it that it now has a mind of its own. Since it’s no longer a machine with gears that we have to manually turn, then is it necessary to actively contribute to our economy for 40 hours a week, if we’re even contributing at all? And even if we are, why must we live so far outside of ourselves and give so much to a system that has nothing to do with basic human nature and needs? Humans created the system of commerce thousands of years ago in order to make their lives easier, not to create a new life entirely.

A four-day work week might allow people to take up a hobby, something only known to retirees and children. Nowadays, a full-time employee with a hobby might even be called a Renaissance Man (or Woman). So much of modern life is focused on productivity, achieving career goals and fulfilling the expectations of having a family while retaining sanity and maybe even being happy. Is simply striving for happiness considered to be admirable… would it even be considered a valid goal? I think that experimenting with a four-day work week would be valuable in determining where our priorities lie in our modern society and perhaps even shifting those priorities towards existing as humans rather than employees.

Then, perhaps we could stop living to work and start working to live.

“... perhaps we could stop living to work and start working to live.”

In some ways, the pandemic improved the lack of work/life balance. In the long run, however, I think it’s safe to say that the effects of a global shutdown disrupted that balance even further. No longer could people leave their work at the office, because their home became their office. Work life permeated home life, and families became separated not just by the walls of their homes, but the different headspaces they began to live in as well. Now that we’ve allowed work into our homes, it’s begun to take root. Early morning and even weekend Zoom calls have brought the office to employees wherever they are… oh, joy.

Does increasing time on the job lead to increased productivity? Would decreasing

panies who participated in the trial have found that working for four days instead of five has had no negative impacts on productivity and has even led to better collaboration among employees. These results lead me to wonder about the other ways in which we could be intentional about spending our time and perhaps reassess whether we truly value quality over quantity.

The weekend as we know it wasn’t always two days of rest. Originally, it was just Sunday to allow people to go to church and perhaps do their laundry. When factory employees began skipping work on Mondays, or “keeping Saint Monday,” the weekend was extended back into half of Saturday in hopes of improving productivity. Henry

courtesy wikimedia commons 95% of U.K. companies who participated in a four-day work week trial found that there were no negative impacts on productivity.

Sports

October 17, 2022

The Collegian: 5

Tulsa volleyball looking to bounce back after a rough week Sports writer Joe McCurdy covers Tulsa’s three previous matchups against AAC’s top competitors.

It was a tough week for the Tulsa Women’s Volleyball Team as they went 0-3, failing to secure a victory in any of their matches. After winning their first two home matches, it was going to be an uphill battle for the Golden Hurricane, facing two of the last three top 5 finishers in the American Athletic Conference the previous season in the University of Central Florida and Southern Methodist University along with Memphis.

Tulsa would first face off against UCF, traveling to a neutral site in Wichita, Kansas due to the danger of Hurricane Ian. UCF was the previous No.1 overall team in the AAC, finishing with a 27-7 record and winning the AAC Championship. Earning an at-large bid to the NCAA Tournament, UCF lost in the second round to UCLA in a fiveset match. The narrative hasn’t changed for

UCF though as they continue to dominate with a 13-1 record, their singular loss coming at the hands of the Houston Cougars.

Tulsa was David and UCF was Goliath and Goliath came out on top in this matchup as UCF won in a controlling 3-0 fashion (2517, 25-16, 25-9). Kayley Cassidy finished the match leading the Tulsa team in kills with 13 in total and recorded her 1000th kill as a Golden Hurricane.

Next up was a two-game home standoff facing conference rivals SMU and Memphis. Looking to defend home court and bounce back from their loss to UCF they would first have to face SMU, who finished top five in the conference last year with a record of 14-6. It was a highly competitive match, to say the least, with the two teams trading sets. Tulsa took SMU to five sets, winning the first and fourth set, but the size

and power of SMU eventually got the better of the Golden Hurricane as they were unable to pull out the fifth set, losing 15-12.

Kayley Cassidy once again led the team in

start winning the first two sets 25-21 and 24-18. Tulsa looked flat compared to their last outing against SMU, and they couldn’t seem to find any momentum. They were

“The Golden Hurricane will look to find some sort of momentum as they prepare for a four-game road trip.” kills, finishing the game with 20.

Memphis was the last opponent of the weekend and was a must-win for the Golden Hurricane. Memphis finished near the bottom of the AAC standings the previous year, completing the season with a 6-14 record.

Memphis seemed to have turned a new leaf this year as they came into the match with a 12-6 record, doubling their wins from the previous year. Memphis came out to a hot

able to pull out the third set (25-21) to avoid the sweep, but that’s all they were able to find, losing the fourth and final set 25-21.

Cassidy (25) and Lauren Eitler (15) led the team in kills, but it wasn’t enough, as Tulsa fell to 9-8 on the season and 2-3 in conference play. The Golden Hurricane will look to find some sort of momentum as they prepare for a four-game road trip.

Formula 1 victory marred by controversy

Navy upsets Tulsa fooball in week six

Sports writer Thomas Jackson reports The Tulsa loss against Navy comes as a suon the most recent F1 race. prise, sports columnist Joe McCurdy writes.

Tulsa football took their third straight loss of the season on Saturday, Oct. 8, as they lost to the 1-3 Navy Midshipmen with a score of 21-53 in Annapolis, Maryland.

This came as quite a surprise to many as Tulsa had been highly competitive in their two previous losses, never losing by more than 10 points and holding their opponents under 40 points. With their previous two losses to Ole Miss and Cincinnati, both of which are now ranked in the Top 25, there was optimism that Tulsa would be able to turn their season around and continue with the momentum they had at the beginning of the season. Alas, this would not be the case as Tulsa would be embarrassed on the road by a team that is notorious for giving the Golden Hurricane unexpected losses. In the Phillip Montogmery era, Tulsa was 1-7 against the Midshipmen with their last win coming in 2020.

Coming into the game, Tulsa knew that it would be a hard-fought battle.. Navy is a hard team to face for many reasons. Their head coach, Ken Niumatalolo, began coaching at the Naval Academy in 2002 and has been their head man since 2007, so there’s not a lot in terms of schemes and playcalling that he hasn’t seen and wouldn’t be prepared for. Navy is also notorious for running the “triple option,” which in the world of football means that they have three players lined up in the backfield that might have the chance to run the ball. Which, in Tulsa’s case, was used successfully in being able to confuse the defense and keep Tulsa off balance. Navy finished the game with 490 total yards with 455 of those yards coming on the ground. Navy is also one of the best run defenses in the nation, ranking 17th among FBS schools, allowing an average of 105.3 yards per game. This run defense shut down the RPO (Run Pass Option) for Tulsa rather quickly, as they held the Golden Hurricane to 25 total rushing yards. Even Tulsa’s electric

passing offense couldn’t help them in this matchup as the offense continues to be riddled with injuries. Finishing the game with 284 yards through the air, there was no cutting into the lead Navy had built in the first half as the Golden Hurricane succumbed to the Midshipmen as they were held to a measly seven points the entire second half. To add injury to insult, starting quarterback Davis Brin once again re-injured his ankle – an injury that has plagued his season ever since the Ole Miss game. Brin has continued to play through the injury, playing the entirety of the Cincinnati game. In the Navy matchup, Brin went 20/31 with 284 passing yards with two touchdowns and two interceptions along with taking two sacks. After being rolled on late in the 4th quarter, Brin’s day was done, and saw redshirt freshman Braylon Braxton under center for the remainder of the game where he went 0/2 passing with one interception.

While there weren’t a lot of positives that came out of this game, Tulsa wide receiver Keylon Stokes continued to inch closer to Tulsa football history. In a game where the 5th-year senior had seven receptions for 152 yards and one touchdown, he became the second all-time in receiving yards and is now only 28 yards away from passing Howard Twilleys record of 3,343 career yards. Not only is Stokes close to breaking this record, but he also continues to rack in individual accolades as he now sits alone as the leading receiver in the nation with 765 receiving yards on the season.

This week will be a mental and physical reset for the Golden Hurricane as they go into their bye week where they look to recover from injuries all across the offensive front. If Tulsa looks to become bowl eligible for the third year in a row, they will have to get past Temple in the week following before facing SMU at home for Homecoming week.

After a difficult start to the season, 25-yearold Dutch Formula 1 driver Max Verstappen has sealed his status as the F1 champion this year. This is the second year in a row that the driver for the Austrian team Red Bull Racing has won the F1 World Championship. This comes after estimations had been made that the point gap between Verstappen and Sergio ‘Checo’ Perez, who also races for Red Bull, were so vast that it would likely be impossible for Perez to catch up in the last four races. As of now, the point total stands at 366 points for Verstappen and 252 points for Perez, who is in second place.

However, this victory came on the heels of some rather controversial behavior by the FIA, the governing body of F1 and many other major international auto racing events across the world.

During the Japanese Grand Prix at Suzuka Circuit in Japan on Oct. 9, Pierre Gasly, a 26-year-old French driver for the Italian F1 team Scuderia AlphaTauri, or AlphaTauri for short, had been forced to head into the pit lanes after his car was damaged by debris from an advertising board, which had been caused by a crash involving another driver earlier in the race. As he came out of the pit lanes and attempted to catch up to the rest of the pack under a safety car, he came within a couple of meters of striking a tractor that was on the racetrack without any warning lights visible on it. This tractor was on the track to recover the vehicle of Carlos Sainz, the 28-year-old driver for Scuderia Ferrari, who had crashed early on in the race.

Given the rainy conditions and extremely poor visibility, it was likely impossible for Gasly to see the tractor until he was practically able to touch it, leading to some rather angry comments from Gasly. “This is unacceptable!” he could be heard saying to his crew over his headset.

Indeed, although Gasly’s actions of racing so quick to catch up to the rest of the pack despite the rainy conditions and poor visibility have drawn some backlash from

commenters online, many have shown their support for Gasly, stating that the tractor should not have been allowed on the track while cars were out, given the conditions.

George Russell, a British driver currently driving for Mercedes’ team and a director for the Grand Prix Drivers’ Association, commented on this when speaking to Motorsport.com: “We’re all going to speak to the FIA. In our view, it’s pretty straightforward. No tractors on track, and if you need a tractor on track, red flag it.” A red flag, in this case, means that the marshals of the race believe it’s unsafe to continue a race due to bad conditions on the track, and upon receiving it, racers are to slowly proceed back to the pit lane while the race is halted.

Lando Norris, the 22-year-old British driver for the McLaren F1 team, also commented on his Twitter. “Wtf. How’s this happened!? We lost a life in this situation years ago. We risk our lives, especially in conditions like this. We wanna race. But this… Unacceptable.”

Indeed, this incident has given many drivers a rather poor opinion of the FIA as some believe the FIA has completely failed to learn its lesson after an incident in 2014 on the same track at Suzuka, where Jules Bianchi, the then-25-year-old French driver for the Marussia F1 team, lost control due to the rain on the 43rd lap of the race and collided with a tractor crane that was removing a vehicle that had crashed earlier. Bianchi sadly later died from the injuries he sustained in the accident.

For many, this incident at Suzuka has brought back painful memories of the 2014 incident and shown just how close Pierre Gasly came to potentially dying. This day should have been a day of celebration for a new F1 World Champion, but is now marred by this. Now it’s up to the FIA to try and win back the public’s trust, and the trust of their drivers.

Oct. 17 - Oct. 23 Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday 19

18

17

Thursday

Softball

@ ITA Central Regional

Fort Scott Community College

All Day

W Tennis @ ITA Central Regional Championships

TBA

none

none

5:00 p.m.

W Soccer @ Memphis 7:00 p.m.

Saturday

Softball Butler CC 5:00 p.m.

Volleyball @ Tulane 6:30 p.m.

Football @ Temple 6:30 p.m.

Sunday

22

21

20

M Tennis Championships

Friday

23

Volleyball @ Houston 1:00 p.m.

M Soccer @ Temple 6:00 p.m.

W Soccer SMU 1:00 p.m.

W Golf @ Jim West Invitational

All Day

The Collegian: 6

Variety

October 17, 2022

The College Cooking Survival Guide: Taking Stock give the sauce a body. Soups can easily be

Developing a healthy and easy founmade by adding ingredients to a simmering dation for meals doesn’t need to be so stock. Even rice can be elevated by cooking daunting. them in stock instead of water.

Matthew Montanio Student Writer Stocks are an underrated ingredient component. When somebody composes a list of groceries, chances are that you won’t have stock as a necessity on the list alongside milk and eggs or other things. However, if you know what you can do with it, you can end up using it more often than any other ingredient in your cooking.

For example, stock is the most important ingredient for any sort of pasta. If you want to cook pasta with a sauce, (which you should), then you should use a good stock to

With that said, what exactly are stocks?

Essentially, stocks are made of a series of ingredients left simmering and steeping in water. This ‘steeped’ water contains a lot more flavor, and it also contains a lot of the health benefits from whatever ingredients you decide to use. Stocks are typically made with vegetables and a meat of some sort, but they can also be made with just vegetables or, as with some forms of dashi stock, mushrooms.

To get into the specifics of the process, I’ll start with a description of how chicken stock is made. Chicken stock is good for chicken noodle soup, and it can also work well in cooking your ramen. Chicken stock

“For example, stock is the most important ingredient for any sort of pasta.” is made by first searing chicken in a large pot to get some golden-brown bits. Once the chicken is relatively cooked, (but not burnt), fill the pot with water and roughly chopped vegetables. Using celery, onions, carrots, and ginger as the starting basis will serve you well, but it’s also a great idea to experiment with different vegetables to find a flavor you really like. Bring the pot to a gentle simmer, and then add a little pepper and other seasonings. Do not use salt, however, because the different recipes using stock may not need it. Bay leaves, parsley, rosemary, dill, or similar herbs work amazing for stocks. After the herbs are added,

courtesy wikimedia commons Dashi is a type of stock that would be used for dishes such as miso soup.

along the top of the stock because those are impurities in the soup. After everything is finished, strain the stock into a storable container and use to your heart’s content!

From this basic chicken stock recipe, there are a few meaningful changes you can make to accommodate different diets. For vegans and vegetarians, substituting chicken with tomato paste will round out the stock in a very similar way as any meat, and it also reduces the cooking time. Vegetable stocks actually work better in some recipes, too!

Soups like carrot soup or butternut squash soup tend to actually prefer vegetable stocks to chicken stocks to maintain their ‘green’ flavor.

Instead of using vegetables or meat, use shiitake mushrooms or bonito flakes from a local Asian market to make dashi suitable

Regardless of what exactly goes into your stock, they will ultimately help you maintain a good diet. If for one day you only have pasta (or ramen) to eat, or if you have nothing at all, then using stock in your meal can supplement the vitamins that aren’t found in just water or pasta water. I encourage you to find whatever you can implement stock into, too! If you take the extra effort to make and store stock inside of your fridge or, then your cooking options will significantly increase and the speed at which you prepare delicious meals significantly decrease.

“Dashi is a different type of stock; it contains more of an umami flavor that works beautifully in lighter asian dishes.”

courtesy wikimedia commons Using stock instead of water allows for more flavor when cooking.

See me after class is a weekly column where a different professor reveals their variety favorites.

Shelby Heins Commentary Editor Dr. Tao Wang is a child development and cross-cultural parenting studies professor that joined TU faculty in 2005. He received his B.Ed. and M.Ed. in psychology from East China Normal University in Shanghai.

Wang went on to receive his Ed.M. in human development and psychology as well as his Ed.D. from Harvard University. Wang is a part of the Chinese American Educational Research and Development Association, the Society for Research in Child Development and the American Educational Research Association. He is a self-proclaimed “pied

simply let the stock simmer for a few hours.

The longer you can let it simmer, the more intense the flavor will become. As it simmers, be sure to skim the foam that forms

What’s your favorite book? What book would you say all undergrads need to read before they graduate?

My favorite book is “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor E. Frankl. I would suggest all undergrads read “Mindset” by Carol Dweck.

What’s reading like for you? Is there a specific setting, mood, drink set-up?

Reading in my office on weekends is my precious privilege. With a cup of hot green tea and a favorite book, that’s my day.

Is there a movie/show that you always return to?

Forrest Gump is the movie I always return to. Some songs in the movie are very historically provoking.

courtesy wikimedia commons chicken noodle soup is made with stock

What was the last book/movie/show that you actually found funny?

Jimmy Kimmel’s talk show about kids is my favorite.

What’s your favorite Tulsa restaurant?

Do you have any food/restaurant routines?

Fish Daddy’s Grill House is my favorite.

No specific restaurant routines.

Is there a media/pop culture/entertainment/music side to you that students wouldn’t expect?

I am not a music person. But my favorite songs are often outdated for my students.

Once I told my students that one of my favorite songs is “Take me home, country roads,” the whole class laughed.

“Reading in my office on weekends is my precious privilege. With a cup of hot green tea and a favorite book, that’s my day.” piper for many kids” and he was a national certified basketball referee about 30 years ago.

well for miso soup or for other Japanese dishes. Dashi is a different type of stock; it contains more of an umami flavor that works beautifully in lighter asian dishes.

If you had to pick three songs for a Playlist of Your Life, what would they be?

1. Take me home, country roads (John Denver) 2. Yesterday once more (Karen Carpenter) 3. Massachusetts (Bee Gees)

courtesy faculty. utulsa.edu Dr. Wang’s research intrest include parenting and child development.

“You too.” She laughed and nicely said: “Thank you anyway.”

Can you speak to the challenges and successes you found while writing your book Discipline and Love?

Challenges: to inform ordinary parents of new academic research findings in this area, especially as many findings were in English.

Successes: Many parents like to read this book because it well-integrated research and practice, modern western culture and traditional Chinese culture. They especially like many examples from my own training program.

I know you conducted many workshops for parents learning Parent-Child Interaction Therapy. What motivated you to start these workshops and could you see the impact they made?

This program is a perfect match with my parenting philosophy of Discipline and Love. But it took me a while to make some important modifications to fit Chinese cul-

parents have followed my training for more than five years. What touches me is that on my birthday every year, I got more than a hundred greeting cards with pictures of children. I can see how big they were. The number of cards is increasing every year.

courtesy wikipedia Dr. Wang recieved his BEd and MEd in Shenghai

“What touches me is that on my birthday every year, I got more than a hundred greeting cards with pictures of children.”

I remember when you gave us anecdotes about your experiences when you first moved to the U.S. during class.

Would you like to share your favorite anecdote with the students of TU? Once after checking my passport at Tulsa International Airport, a security lady smiled at me saying: “Have a good trip.” I replied:

ture and Chinese par- ents’ needs. It has been run for 7 years now and more than 500 families have participated in this training. I had got several parents reports that at the their children’s first day to preschools or schools they got calls from their teachers who were amazed by their children’s good manners and strong empathy. Many

courtesy wikimedia commons Dr. Wang recieved his edM and edD from Harvard University.

October 17, 2022

Our managing editor Maddie Walters gives a concert preview of Gogol Bordello ahead of their Cain’s Ballroom show coming up on Oct. 26.

Maddie Walters Managing Editor “For me, punk rock was always about the Woody Guthrie-ness and work ethic: ‘all your fascists are bound to lose!’ It’s music of pure impact with that experience driven intellectual insight into class struggle that comes only with working class territory

Variety

without the bullshit or pseudo-masculinity,” says Eugene Hutz, vocalist and guitar player of Gogol Bordello, a punk and selfdescribed Gypsy-swing band.

Gogol Bordello is a New York based collective comprised of Eugene Hutz (vocals, guitar), Sergey Ryabtsev (violin), Pedro Erazo (vocals, percussion), Boris Pelekh (guitar), Ashley Tobias (vocals), Korey Kingston (drums) and Gil Alexandre (bass).

Formed in 1999, Gogol Bordello has wowed audiences with their raucous energy and spirit. This group of seven friends are linked by the shared experience of immigrant traumas and dislocation due to war and disasters with members coming from Ecuador, Ukraine and Russia.

“This fall, Gogol Bordello embark on their North American tour in support of “Solidaritine.’”

The Collegian: 7

courtesy Michael Avendon Eugene Hutz plays a big part in Gogol Bordello as a singer and guitarist

Hutz has seen more than his fair share of tragedy, having been an evacuee from Chernobyl at only the age of 13 and now witnessing the war in his homeland of Ukraine. Gogol Bordello’s newest album “Solidaritine,” is about the spirit of resilience in the face of extreme adversity and though it was written before the war in Ukraine escalated, it still captures the essence of empathy, bravery and hope Ukrainians have maintained since the onset of the war.

“If you go to Ukraine now, people are fighting with integrity, heroism, and, believe it or not, humor too,” Hutz proudly says.“Despite anything, the Ukrainian people somehow just find a way to rise above these atrocities.”

With lyrics like “What is this fire that’s binding us all? Disentanglement Baby,” the single Forces of Victory is a morale boost to those who are fighting the war, featuring

This fall, Gogol Bordello embark on their North American tour in support of “Solidaritine.” In fact, on Oct. 26, they will be making a stop right here in Tulsa at the historic Cain’s Ballroom for a show that’s sure to be a tour de force of emotions and impressive musicianship. This isn’t the first time the band has made a stop in Tulsa, and it certainly won’t be the last. Crazy & The Brains will join Gogol Bordello for this outing, tying together what looks to be a mustsee show.

Tickets are still available and can be purchased on Cain’s Ballroom’s website at https://www.cainsballroom.com/event/ gogol-bordello/ or at the box office during open hours, though it looks like the show will be a sellout. Check back in after the concert for a photo gallery and an interview with the band. You can also visit our Instagram (@

“This isn’t the first time the band has made a stop in Tulsa, and it certainly won’t be the last.”

courtesy Sanjay Suchak Gogol Bordello is made up of 7 indviduals, Eugene Hutz, Sergey Ryabtsev, Pedro Erazo, Boris Pelekh, Ashley Tobias, Korey Kingston, and Gil Alexandre.

Ukrainian Nobel prize nominee poet and singer Serhiy Zhadan and electrofolk Ukrainian artists Kazka. At their heart, Gogol Bordello is a band about community and the shared experience of being human.

tucollegian) to enter to win a pair of tickets for the show. The deadline to enter is on Oct. 24, and a winner will be randomly chosen that night.

Kanye West’s threatening Twitter post Kanye West’s recent social media post has left everyone confused and concerned.

Victoria Grossman Student Writer American rapper Kanye West has been on a path of strange and threatening social media posts, coming to a head on October 7 when he posted a tweet widely regarded as antisemitic. The post appeared on his account after he was banned from Instagram for threats of violence. The tweet garnered instant backlash and resulted in a suspension. The post reads: “I’m a bit sleepy tonight but when I wake up I’m going death con 3 On JEWISH PEOPLE The funny thing is I actually can’t be Anti Semitic because black people are actually Jew also You guys have toyed with me and tried to black ball anyone whoever opposes your agenda” There is much to unpack there, from gratuitous grammatical errors to claims that African Americans cannot be anti-Semitic. It is also worth mentioning that (presumably) Kanye West is referring to the warning sys-

Kim Kardashian filed for divorce in February 2021, leaving her marriage to Kanye West officailly over in March 2022

tem DEFCON, which has become a popular slang term. DEFCON warnings range from one to five, one being the most pressing and

“The post appeared on his account after he was banned from Instagram for threats of violence.” the highest level of alertness, which would indicate a nuclear-war-type event is on the horizon. It seems that West picked the middle of the “death cons” not exactly sure how the scale operated.

Davidson edited in, or outright threatening him. While West posts quite regularly on the platform, he often deletes his photos soon afterward, prompting several archival accounts to keep a record of his musings.

Other than his most recent Twitter debacle, the most talked-about post series of his to date was about his daughter’s birthday.

West claimed on Instagram that he had not been invited to the birthday party of one of the children he shares with Kim Kardashian.

This rampage included text conversations between him and Kardashian, along with other family members of hers.

courtesy wikimedia commons

Semitism-laced tweet has sparked outrage.

This, along with his current use of the slogan “White Lives Matter” on t-shirts, has sparked a conversation about Kanye West’s history of anti-black and anti-Semitic actions.

“West’s anti-semitic statement suggest that he thinks Davidson is Jewish, leading to the hate speech.”

courtesy wikimedia commons Kanye West revealed he has bipolar disorder in 2018

This post was not without precedent, though, and is just the most recent in a rampage that seems to have begun with his separation from his wife, Kim Kardashian.

The posts seemed to reach a peak during his wife’s relationship with comedian Pete Davidson (who West frequently referred to as “Skete” in many Instagram captions). In fact, several tweets circulating following West’s anti-semitic statement suggest that he thinks Davidson is Jewish, leading to the hate speech. Kanye West posted several times on Instagram featuring photos with

Fans have zeroed in on one cause for this social media behavior: mental illness.

Kanye West, now legally known as Ye, revealed in 2018 that he has bipolar disorder, leading to speculation that these outlandish posts were the result of his being unmedicated. West has hit back against these claims, responding via an Instagram caption (in all capital letters) that it was “DISMISSIVE TO SAY IM (sic) OFF MY MEDS ANYTIME I SPEAK UP”.

Many have ignored West’s behavior up until this point, but his most recent anti-

courtesy wikimedia commons West’s twitter account is currently suspended.

The State-Run Media

October 17, 2022

the

State-Run media If satire loses its protected speech status, please don’t sue me

“Unplanned 2: The Empire Strikes Back” set to begin filming in Broken Arrow Unplanned sequel explores postRoe world. How will Planned Parenthood respond? Can the ProLife Rebellion defeat them?

Kyle Garrison World’s leading abstinence theorist.

This film stars Chris Pratt who is set to portray Mario, an Italian immigrant plummer who moved to the states to pursue trickle down economics and a protestant lifestyle. Recently converted from Catholicism, he meets Abby Johnson, the newly single protagonist from the first film and they fall in love.

After Roe v. Wade falls, the most powerful organization on earth–Planned Parenthood–launches an invasion of Oklahoma from their stronghold in Kansas–where they have already bought the state government–in hopes of taking the capital and relegalizing abortion. When Mario and Abby learn of this, they concoct a plan to bomb every Planned Parenthoods in Kansas. After studying Ted Kaczynsk to learn the intricacies of the US mail system, they begin their revolution.

While most of the film takes place in Kansas and Oklahoma City, they chose Broken Arrow for filming because, as the lead set designer we interviewed explained, “it really looks like America, you know? Everyone here is a red-blooded, white-skinned and blue-lives-mattersupporting American. Just as our founding fathers intended when they designed our nation’s flag.” Also, he mentioned, “they wouldn’t let us film anywhere else.

You have no idea how many times we were chased out with pitchforks and the occasional automatic machine gun. For

example, when we tried to film in Kansas, Westboro Church threw rocks at us because apparently we are ‘too liberal’ for them. At least now I know someone will attend my funeral.”

The film has many influential sponsors, namely Clarence Thomas, Mike Pence and Joseph Robinette Biden–who later put out an apology saying he thought the film was about accidentally becoming President of the United States, an issue he “takes very personally.” We reached out to Clarence Thomas for comment on the film but only received a memo from his staff stating, “the Honorable Judge Clarence Thomas regrettably is too preoccupied with deciding which human right to attack first. While he is leaning torwards the something with the gays, he might change his mind and declare Title IX unconstitutional first.”

We also reached out to Vice President Mike Pence for comment but have yet to receive a response and our editorial staff would like to formally recommend that someone performs a welfare check on him as no one has heard from him in about a year.

The film is set to release in 2024 ahead of the next presidential elections and casting calls are now open for extras who want to play Planned Parenthood thugs (blue hair and “I’m With Her” tattoos required, minorities preferred). All roles playing pro-life Christian rebels have already been cast after they went to Chickfil-A and asked the 50 people queuing outside the restaurant at opening time, all of whom immediately signed up.

At press time we received word that the filming had been put on temporary hiatus because the director discovered that stealing people’s baby’s to use as props is, in fact, illegal.

Disney’s legal team should be fine with their marketing choices.

graphic by Kyle Garrison

graphic by Celeste McAtee

I have compiled a list of some possible solutions for low turnout rates amongst younger voters.

Kyle Garrison I just think we need to view this multifaceted issue from all sides in order to fully understand it.

Some political theorists have attributed the extremely low voter turnout among young people to external factors such as voter suppression and disillusionment with the democratic model as a whole.

This is not true. We are a country built on individualism and pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. These “external factors” are nothing but commie lies pushed by Soros and all the other far-left multi-billionaires who want to eat the rich. Young people are just lazy, Instagram-loving, hot-chip-eating freeloaders.

I have gathered some solutions to the problem at hand that I think have a chance of being successful if the goal is a higher voter turnout rate. That being said, if you do not agree with my political opinions exactly, I would prefer you went back to

“Roblox” or whatever it is you younglings do all day. Regardless, please read my list of suggestions. I crave validation.

Setting the voter age to the retirement age These retirees treat voting like it’s a God-damn carnival, sure they lack the adequate eyesight to read the ballot, but that is neither here nor there. If young people cannot vote at all, they will not skew our turnout rates. Do you want high turnout or not?

Making election days national holidays You might think that this would allow young people who work multiple jobs to take time out of their day to do their civic duty. You’d be wrong, that is unless there is free Starbucks and avocado toast at the polling stations.

Telling young people to Pokemon Go to the polls Historical precedent says this ought to work great.

Removing barriers to voting by expanding the Voting Rights Act Not going to happen but it might work if it did. To be clear though, under no circumstances will this ever occur in any of

our lifetimes. Honestly, you can ignore this suggestion completely.

Pointing a gun at every eligible voter until they vote Extremely effective but only legal in red states and Vermont.

Offering 10 “Fortnite” V-Bucks to every voter Studies have shown that this greatly increases turnout among Gen-Z voters but as a downside, it greatly increases voter fraud on the part of people who are not old enough to vote and stole their parents credit card (and voter ID card).

Ending elections entirely Why not let the rich rule directly? They indirectly do anyways and the current system is far too complicated and obscured by illusions of democracy. If Bezos wants the minimum wage to stay at $7.25 then

by God, it will. Another plus is our great nation cannot be judged by its voter turnout if there are no elections.

Banning books I do not know how this one will solve the issue exactly but my state legislature constantly assures me that it will. I included it on the list however because, as we all know, they have yet to be wrong about anything.

Putting forth candidates all young people do not collectively hate This solution also is not politically feasible but would likely at least have some effect. By having candidates that–unlike Joe Biden, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton etc.–young people don’t hate, the turnout rates would inevitably rise among young voters. A potential downside to this is voter turnout might decrease among older voters who prefer either racist or incompetent candidates.

Make Twitter polls an option for voting This would allow for easy voting from home by simply signing into twitter. It also would provide a lot of comedic content for niche internet micro-celebrities and we all obviously want that. For the life of me I cannot think of a single potential downside to this option.

Giving up on politics entirely This solution does not affect voter turnout but who cares about that stuff anyways? Sure does not affect me, I will post an infographic every few months and that should be enough civic duty to satisfy my ego.