8 December 2014

a student newspaper of the university of tulsa

december 8, 2014 issue 12 ~ volume 100

The Blankenship has sailed After four years at the helm, TU’s head coach is out to sea. p. 4 & 7

Pencils for Promise raises money for Ghanaian school. p. 2 Grand jury outcomes spark questions about justice, race. p. 8–9 An objective game review—it’s about ethics in gaming journalism. p. 13 Relive your traumatic childhood with terrible Christmas gift bingo. p. 14

Graphic by Sarah Power

NEWS

the Collegian : 2

8 December 2014

A journey outside of Tulsa: Sand Springs

Left: a statue commemorates Charles Page, the founder of Sand Springs, and his philanthropic commitment to widows and orphans. Right: Sand Springs Main Street.

University News Reporter Caitlin Woods explored the suburb Sand Springs. She found a statue and museum commemorating the town’s founder Charles Page and explored downtown Main Street.

The city of Tulsa is pretty spread-out. We have neighborhoods like Kendall-Whittier and the Cherry Street area that were once suburbs, and then we have former suburbs, such as Bixby, Broken Arrow, Sand Springs and Owasso, that have become their own cities.

Sand Springs is one of the older suburban towns surrounding Tulsa, which lies to the west of Tulsa’s downtown area. Sand Springs was once a thriving suburban district which, much like Tulsa to its east, suffered from white flight and rapid expansion.

Sand Springs was founded in 1911, with a railroad connecting the town to Tulsa. According to the city’s website, “Sand Springs is Oklahoma’s only planned industrial town,” founded as a “children’s home and widow’s colony” by Oklahoma oil man and philanthropist Charles Page. I had the opportunity over Thanksgiving break to visit this old suburb of my hometown, which reminded me of so many towns I’ve seen scattered throughout Oklahoma.

The main drag runs along Main Street and is about half a mile long. Many of the buildings are up for rent, but what few shops inhabit the old buildings are unique. I visited a bookstore along Main Street that was in the midst of refurbishment. The storefront’s paint was dull and faded, but unique and inviting, and the inside was a combination of both a bookstore and an antique shop.

Possibly the most interesting part of Sand

Springs is not its Main Street, but its museum and statue of the city’s founder, Charles Page.

The museum is housed in the Page Memorial Library, built in 1929 to honor the death of the city’s founder three years prior.

The building is really unique, a combination of Bauhaus and Art Deco aesthetics, but since I went over a holiday I didn’t have the chance to go inside. According to the museum’s website, it has a permanent exhibit about “Charles Page, the Sand Springs Home and Widow’s colony, and life in an early 20th century industrial town.”

Proud and tall on the corner of the Page Memorial Library and Sand Springs public school stands a statue of Charles Page—a monument to the philanthropy of the Oklahoma oil man. Below Page’s feet reads a Biblical quote, and children and mothers are standing to either side of him. This statue

Fraser Kastner / Collegian

makes sense when you realize that Sand Springs was founded as a town for widows and orphans, but out of context it has a bit of a North Korea vibe.

Much of the rest of the town is taken up by more conventional suburbia. Chain restaurants, residential neighborhoods and winding streets can be found to the north and south of Main Street.

The town itself seems to house a large number of run-down storefronts and industrial areas. Driving back to Tulsa via Charles Page Boulevard (3rd Street, when it gets to Tulsa), took us past a number of these areas.

The Sand Springs area has a lot going for it—history, old buildings, small-town charm, out-of-the-wayness. Just make sure to do some research if you go visit, or else you might miss the town’s highlights and get stuck in an IHOP along the highway.

New organization to raise funds for school in Ghana

Nikki Hager / Collegian

Lunch & Learn: DATING VIOLENCE &

SEXUAL ASSAULT

December 10th, 2014

12:00 – 1:00 p.m.

The Union, Great Hall A Come and listen to Angela Brown from DVIS speak about dating violence and sexual assault.

Eat lunch, listen, and learn.

Catered by Qdoba Hope to see you there!

Left: Senior psychology major Gabriella Pierce greets students at Favour Preparatory School in Accra, Ghana.

Pierce volunteered there as part of a TU study abroad course, focusing on interpersonal violence in the West African nation. Right: 2014 psychology graduate Laura Luke plays with students at the school.

Senior Gabriella Pierce founded Pencils for Promise, which aims to raise over $25,000 for a primary school in Ghana. The organization had its first fundraiser last week.

Student Life Reporter Michaela Flonard explains.

Pencils for Promise is a new organization at TU, founded by senior Gabriella Pierce.

Through this organization, Pierce hopes to raise 25,000 dollars to build a school in Ghana.

Pierce’s interest in this organization began after studying abroad in Ghana the summer of 2013, where she did a service project “at a primary school, which was in a lot of need ... The school had a tin roof, with a dirt floor, and that’s all it had. There were no books,” Pierce said.

The trip was, according to Pierce, “an awakening experience because it really touched (her) that these kids were still going to the school every day and doing the best that they could, and the teachers were working with what they had.”

“Through that, I dveloped an interest in doing international aid work,” Pierce said.

She then read a book by the founder of Pencils for Promise, Adam Braun, and was further inspired. Her organization is now a part of the larger Pencils for Promise organization.

Although the organization was approved by the Student Association several months ago, Pierce said she “hasn’t really had time to get going because it’s been a busy semester.” The organization’s first fundraiser was this past Tuesday at Chipotle, which raised about 200 dollars in three hours. “That’s our first step in a big project,” said Pierce, who hopes to raise at least a thousand dollars by the end of her senior year.

Much of the success of the project, according to Pierce, “is going to be dependent on getting people to help and finding people who are also passionate about the topic.”

Because most of the student volunteers she’s working with are seniors, Pierce said she hopes to involve more undergraduates soon.

“It’s a big project,” she said, “and I don’t want to have to do it all myself.” Next semester, she is thinking about organizing a

coin drive, or “maybe partnering with an elementary school to build more of a community around the Pencils for Promise team.”

The goal of raising 25,000 dollars will account for the foundation of the school. However, “(The Pencils for Promise organization) does other things, like funding teacher training and student scholarships ... They keep working with the schools,” Pierce said.

“It’s an ongoing commitment so they provide other things.”

Through the organization, Pierce hopes to give the students from Ghana “the resources to help their community so they can become sustainable.”

“They have tons of dedicated teachers and people who are absolutely invested in making sure they get the best education possible,” she said, “but they have very few resources to work with.”

While she realizes that we certainly have needs here at home, Pierce believes that we can’t only focus on problems here in the U.S. “We have an incredible number of resources that people can use, that people from the outside don’t have,” she said, “so if someone here isn’t fighting for (the students from Ghana), who is?”

In the end, Pierce said, “certainly, you have to be conscious of need on several levels. But once you find that niche that you’re passionate about, you should go for it.” This organization, according to Pierce, is “what I felt I needed to do.”

Nikki Hager / Collegian

The physical structures at Favour Preparatory School are made up of scrap metal and old wood. The students lack school supplies. It is difficult to hear the teachers above the children on the playground and the other teachers.

NEWS

8 December 2014

the Collegian : 3

Parade of Lights renamed to Tulsa Christmas Parade … again Following controversy surrounding the parade’s inclusive name, the Parade of Lights will now be called the Tulsa Christmas Parade.

State-Run Media Editor Fraser Kastner reports.

This year, the annual parade held in downtown Tulsa will once again contain the word “Christmas” in its title, in what is being called a “unified” parade.

Since the tradition first began in the 1920’s, the parade had always been Christmas-themed. It even included an appearance from Santa.

In 2009 the name was changed to “The Tulsa Downtown Parade of Lights.” The name was thought to be more inclusive to the thousands of people of non-Christian faiths that make their homes in Tulsa.

Initially, there was not much of a reaction. The parade had been the Parade of Lights unofficially for years, and “Christmas” was only officially dropped in 2009.

In 2010, however, Senator Jim Inhofe publicly refused to attend as he had in past years. In a 2010 press release, Inhofe decried the “shameful attempt to take Christ, the true reason for our celebration, out of the parades title.”

In a 2011 issue of This Land, Natasha Ball writes that “this year it will be a celebration of the city’s diversity—evidence that the city really is becoming a more tolerant and welcoming place for people of all beliefs and creeds.”

However, a 2013 opinion poll reported that 78 percent of the 400 people polled wanted the word “Christmas” to be put back in the title.

This year’s parade will once again feature the “Christmas” title. The parade, now titled the

“American Waste Control Tulsa Christmas Parade,” is being organized by Tulsa Events Group LLC, a different organizer than previous years, and one that has been formed for the specific purpose of putting on the parade.

The official website for this year’s parade reads, “Anyone and everyone can be in the parade and support the parade.” The site also claims that the organizers “have a vision to make Tulsa a Christmas destination via this parade,” and that “our desire is to use the publicity to honor God.” One of the organizers, Josh McFarland, also helped organize last year’s “Tulsa Christmas Parade,” a rival parade that sprung up in South Tulsa following the naming controversy.

Editor’s note: Although it was written by the State-Run Media Editor, this story is real.

TU adds video game design major

A computer simulation and gaming major will come to TU and available this fall.

Dr. Roger Mailler is sponsoring the major’s adoption.

Student Writer Nate Beckemeyer reports.

A new major is currently undergoing the process for approval.

Dr. Roger Mailler, the member of the computer science department spearheading the effort to get the major approved, is confident that the “Computer Simulation and Gaming” (CSG) major will be unveiled this coming fall.

The major focuses on the creation of game engines—enabling things like physics, lighting, etc.— and their use in making games. It also incorporates a wide variety of elements: script writing from the English department, 3D modeling and animation from the arts and programming from the computer science department.

According to Dr. Mailler, Com-

puter Simulation and Gaming “mandates some courses that computer science (CS) considers elective, removes some courses that are required by CS, and requires a greater depth of knowledge in areas related to game and simulation development.”

Additionally, he said that, “Being a non-ABET-accredited major, students have a greater degree of freedom to tailor the major to the particular niche areas of CSG that they find interesting. For example, a student could easily major in CSG and get minors in both Math and Art. Another student could work toward a minor in Music with a major in CSG.” ABET accreditation has a long list of criteria, so not receiving that accreditation reduces the number of classes specific to the major.

Double-majoring in computer science and CSG should be relatively easy, but there will be “some pretty intense semesters,” according to Mailler. “However, if

Students perform in opera

Chuyi Wen / Collegian TU students perform “The Mikado.” Written by Andrew Sullivan with a libretto by W.S. Gilbert, the 1885 comic opera satirizes British institutions by disguising them as Japanese institutions.

a student comes in with AP credit, it would be quite easy to get the double major.”

Dr. Mailler commented that the most exciting part of the major is its future potential.

“We’re seeing a great deal of excitement from all over the university about this new major because games are exciting,” he said.

“As time goes on and the major matures, I hope to see new courses that supplement our already strong collection of gaming-related courses offered here at TU. I’m thinking of offering a new course in Game Level Design that would be appropriate for freshman students from all over the university. I have also heard rumors of a new Digital Studies minor in A&S that could certainly complement what we are doing in ENS.” If students are interested in getting more information, they may contact Dr. Mailler. However, he cannot release details until they are approved.

Graphic by Elias Brinkman

Nikki Hager News Editor

Typhoon hits Philippines Heavy rains, flooding and mudslides have resulted from Typhoon Hagupit in the Philippines. Millions have fled their homes and at least three have died as a result of the storm. Hagupit comes just one year after typhoon Haiyan killed thousands. However, last year many people did not heed warnings and evacuate. This year, the country was much more prepared

Protests erupt in Greece Over 5,000 protesters marched in Athens last week on the six year anniversary of the police shooting of an unarmed teenager. To disperse the protesters police used tear gas and water canisters.

While the police officer has since been jailed, protests have broken out annually on the anniversary of the 15-year-old’s death.

Gunman frees over 200 inmates in a Nigerian jailbreak Over 200 inmates escaped a prison in northeastern Nigeria last week.

Only around 10 inmates were re-captured.

This is the third major jailbreak in the past two months in Nigeria.

On Dec. 1, over 300 inmates escaped a jail bombed in the southeastern part of the county, and almost 150 escaped in early November in central Nigeria.

The jailbreaks are suspected to be carried out by the terrorist group Boko Haram.

U.S. hostage killed in Yemen American journalist Luke Somers was killed by al-Qaida militants after a failed U.S. rescue attempt in Yemen. A South African teacher was also killed in the mission. The mission was conducted after the militants threatened to kill the captives if their demands were not met.

The same unit that killed Osama bin Laden attempted the rescue; however, the noise of helicopters, drones and other aircraft alerted the militants, who then shot the captives.

There’s a war on Sudoku

Our culture gets so caught up in the numbers and problem solving of Sudoku that we tend to forget what the puzzle is really about.

This puzzle, designed in 1979 by a retired architect from Indiana, is really about a baby boy who was born in Bethlehem some twothousand years ago. Some people think it’s politically incorrect to say this, but you shouldn’t let their fragile sensibilities prevent you from enjoying the true meaning of this puzzle. Keep Christ in Sudoku!

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editor-in-chief—Kyle Walker managing editor—Conor Fellin news editor—Nikki Hager sports editor—Matt Rechtien variety editor—Abigail LaBounty commentary & barricade editor—Giselle Willis satire editor—Fraser Kastner apprentice editor—Sara Douglas photo & graphics editor—Sarah Power feature & layout editor—Morgan Krueger copy editor—Will Boogert, Amanda Hagedorn business & advertising manager—Jesse Keipp distribution manager—Witt Womack, Katie Hill web manager—Sam Chott

NEWS

the Collegian : 4

8 December 2014

Blankenship fired after last football game This past Monday Tulsa Athletic Director Derrick Gragg announced that head football coach Bill Blankenship has been relieved of his duties as Tulsa’s coach after his fourth season at the helm. Sports Editor Matt Rechtien reports.

Blankenship found early success as head coach, winning the Conference-USA in 2012, and beating a (now Power Five) Iowa State, in the Liberty Bowl. Since then Blankenship has only won five games compared to nineteen losses.

“It’s a bottom line business, college athletics, obviously it’s about academics and student athletes and what you instill in these young men as a coach, but at the end of the day you are held accountable for winning as well. Being 5–19 in the last two years, and 4–12 in the

conference, those were the overriding factors,” Gragg said in his post-announcement press conference.

Asked whether or not he had any ideas on replacements for Blankenship, Gragg said, “The whole saying is that an athletic director should always have a short list ready, but we’re going to hire a search firm like we did for basketball, and that firm will help us in the development of a good shortlist.”

“I think this school has a lot of history and legacy, especially in the past decade, and going forward we want a winning program, and even though we sit outside of the Power Five, we still have access to playing those game. So we want to get back to the point where we are competing for championship, first and foremost in the conference, that’s what we’ve thrived on in the past and I think that is what will carry us going forward.”

One of the big concerns and de-

bates for a school like Tulsa, is being a stepping stone school, where we can either hire an young coach who can invigorate the program and leave, or coach more likely to stay who might not bring that same invigoration. “I’m comfortable with (hiring a new coach every two to three years) if we are being successful, I’d rather have that,” said Gragg.

When asked if he thought that Tulsa faced a disadvantage in terms of recruiting Gragg said, “I think recruiting is very important, so if you look at the recruiting calendar, you need to be able to salvage it (with a quick new hire). I don’t think it’s hard to recruit here at all, we just have to do a good job at keeping the guys here. We can’t do anything here to compromise our athletics.”

Blankenship, who played quarterback for the Hurricane in the 1970s, was very thankful to Tulsa for the opportunity saying, “It’s been a tremendous pleasure to get

to represent my alma mater, it’s been an honor and I’m very thankful to President Upham for giving me the opportunity four years ago.”

Blankenship did bring up the fact that we currently have a young football team that doesn’t have a ton of experience. “I really believe that it really matters at a mid-major level when you don’t have a mature football team and we had a void in those two classes, we didn’t have that many scholarship players left in those two classes and we knew that we were going to have a rebuilding year, it’s just taken longer than we thought it would.”

“What I hope is that this will be the catalyst, there is the opportunity here, there was a significant step when we moved to the American Conference in terms of what we have to offer our players, and students, and athletes, and resources.

We’ve been very successful without a lot of the resources that out

competition has, and we’ve taken a lot of pride in that, but I think that divide is getting bigger and bigger.”

When asked about difficulties with being known as an academic school, Blankenship said that “It’s a tough environment (being a school with an average ACT of 29 and 1 of 9 students a national merit student), and we have found guys that can thrive here, but we need to do that on a regular basis and expand the recruiting base.”

Blankenship is convinced that his career as a coach is not over, and that he does not regret his time at Tulsa. When asked if he thought the expectations were too high givn the kind of school Tulsa is, he said “No, where do you want to go, where the expectations are just average?”

The University of Tulsa will look to hire a new coach in the near future, and bring Tulsa back to it’s winning ways.

Exchange students celebrate winter holidays

Student Life Reporter Michaela Flonard interviewed students from Brazil, Turkey, Germany, France and Oman about how they celebrate winter holidays at home.

TU is home to many internatiTU is home to many international students, and as the holiday season nears, some of the differences between cultures become more evident.

Renan Kuntz, a freshman from Brazil, noted “our Christmas would probably look like your Thanksgiving.”

“We have almost the same meals,” he added. “We have turkey, and then you add whatever you want for sides.”

He loves Christmas because “all the city is lit up with Christmas lights.” In his city, he said, “they have a Santa house. They put like a house in the city, usually in a square or park, and the kids can go talk to Santa.”

Although Kuntz noted that his family doesn’t have many traditions, there are several for New Year’s. His family has “a meal and when it is midnight, they have fireworks . . . In cities where they have beaches, they have huge New Year’s fireworks,” he noted, and added if celebrating on a beach, “you have to jump seven times be-

cause that will bring you luck.”

His family also eats lentils because they bring good luck. Kuntz added, “everybody wears white because that symbolizes peace.

But if you want to get money next year, you have to wear yellow or gold...If you want love, you should wear red. If you want hope, you wear green.”

For Tana Alison, a freshman from Turkey, the holidays are a little different. Because Christmas is a mainly Christian holiday, her country doesn’t widely celebrate it, although you can still see some Christmas trees and decorations.

Instead, she celebrates New Year’s on March 21. “New Year’s, as a tradition, for us, is in March,” she said, “because spring is coming—and new beginning and new life.” This holiday is “like the beginning of spring.”

“Everybody cleans their home, makes traditional cookies, and there’s breaks, so girls help their mothers,” according to Alison.

“There’s a lot of traditions,” she noted, “to predict the age of marriage, or even the person. There’s fun stuff for kids.” One of the traditions is having “a bonfire, and you have to jump over it to get rid of the negative things.”

“Some people wear traditional clothes,” as well, and Alison said “in Istanbul, the capital, everybody dresses up and comes and celebrates the holiday.” This holiday is widespread, as it “includes

all Turkish countries,” according to Alison.

For Melina von Roenn, a German foreign exchange student, “the pre-Christmas time is a pretty big thing in Germany and everybody loves it.”

“We start with our advent tradition four weeks before Christmas,” she said, “and then we count down.” Advent day is on a Sunday, and Roenn said, “we have a wreath with four candles on it and we light the first candle after first advent.”

But at the same time Roenn said, “everyone has a traditional ‘advents’ calendar...you can open a door every day until Christmas starting the 1st of December.”

In the cities, Roenn said that “Christmas markets are another thing–every city has its own, and the biggest and most famous one is in Nuremberg (a city in the German state of Bavaria).” Because the markets are outside in the winter, Roenn said, “we warm up with some hot mulled wine, roasted almonds and fried ‘schmalzkuchen’ (little German donuts).”

Other food during the holidays is “roast goose or german sausages with potato salad and sauerkraut,” Roenn noted, although her own family “has a ‘raclette,’” which has “got pretty popular during the last years. It’s a little grill that you put on the table,” she said, “and everyone has his or her own little pan to prepare vegetable and cheese or meat.”

4:00 a.m.

Officers responded to a report of a burglary from residence at a US West apartment. The residents reported that an unknown person entered their apartment through an unlocked patio door and took their television while they went off-campus during the times listed.

One of the roommates was asleep in their room during this time. The investigation is pending.

Nov. 16 5:32 a.m.

Officers responded to an intoxicated student at LaFortune Hall.

The PSM on duty was notified and arrived on scene. EMSA arrived on scene and transported the student to OSU medical.

Nov. 17 10:00 a.m.

On 17 November 2014, the University Bookstore manager reported that a student employee was terminated for stealing merchandise during the dates/times listed. The student made full restitution and no charges were filed with Tulsa Police Nov. 20 9:00 p.m.

Housing representatives requested Officers to the 5th Pl.

House to take a report of underage possession of alcohol. Alcohol was found in a closet during a routine room inspection which Officers confiscated. It was later determined the student was of legal age to consume alcohol.

Nov. 22 7:10 p.m.

A student reported receiving an international phone call at their off-campus, non-TU 7th St. residence. The caller claimed to be with customer support of a computer company and convinced the student to allow remote access into their computer.

Upon doing so, the caller gained control of the student’s computer and demanded payment. The student was advised to file a police report and monitor banking information.

3:20 a.m.

While trying to return a student’s found wallet, Officers went to the student’s Brown Village apartment.

Upon arrival, Officers detected the odor of marijuana coming from the apartment. Officers searched the apartment and discovered a small amount of marijuana and smoking paraphernalia in the roommate’s room.

The roommate’s non-TU affiliated visitor was uncooperative and issued a trespass warning. No arrests were made and the contraband was destroyed by Officers.

Nov. 25 3:35 p.m.

While on routine patrol an officer noticed two non-university affiliated men sitting by the Donna Hardesty Sports Complex sign.

The officer learned one of the men had called an ambulance because of severe back pain from prior surgery.

Dec. 6 is traditionally “the ‘Nikolaus’ day,” according to Roenn, “mostly celebrated for children because the night before they put their boots in front of their door ... When they wake up, the Nikolaus has passed by and either put sweets in your boots if you were well-behaved,” Roenn added, but “if you get a branch, it means that you didn’t behave during the last year.”

The actual Christmas celebration is on Dec. 24, and Roenn said that “usually around the afternoon families come together, sit around the Christmas tree, sing Christmas songs and go to church in the evening … then we get our presents that Santa Claus has put underneath the tree meanwhile.” The following two days “are holidays as well,” according to Roenn, and they “usually have another lunch with the family or see the part of the family that wasn’t there on the 24th.”

Marine Rougeron, a foreign exchange student from France, said, “I think our traditions are not really different from yours.”

For Christmas, “people usually like to be with their family. We like to have a big dinner with family,” noted Rougeron.

In cities, Rougeron said, “there are Christmas markets during one month, starting one month before Christmas.” According to Rougeron, most cities “have a cathedral illumination/ lighting up, while we

can hear the story of this cathedral.”

For food, Rougeron said “we like to eat traditional winter French dishes such as Tartiflette and Raclette, and a special winter drink that we call Vin chaud (hot wine) made with red wine, orange and other spices (cinnamon, cloves, ginger)”.

For Fahad Ansari, a freshman from Oman, there are two major holidays, Eid al-Fitr and Eid alAdha. Both of these “are national holidays,” he said, “because it’s an Islamic country.” “The thing in Oman, because it’s a Muslim-majority country, they don’t celebrate Christmas,” he explained.

Eid al-Fitr is “at the end of Ramadan, the month of fasting . . .

Basically you pray in the morning, and then invite guests over,” he said. According to Ansari, “different countries have different dishes, but basically you cook a lot of food for a lot of people.” For this holiday elders are supposed to give the younger people money.

On the other hand, Ansari said that for Eid al-Adha “traditionally, you slaughter a goat, but people do cows too.” That meat is “distributed to other people or you can just have it amongst your family,” he added.

“There are other holidays as well,” Ansari added, “but those are the most important.”

The other man was a friend who stayed with him until he received assistance. Emergency Medical Services Authority arrived and transported him to Saint John Hospital.

30’s.The investigation is pending.

Nov. 26 3:20 a.m.

An officer was dispatched to University Square West Apartments in reference to a stolen moped. The victim had last seen the moped on 18 NOV 2014 at approximately 1730. The victim’s roommate did not see the moped the next day on 19 NOV 2014 at approximately 0930.

The victim has not driven the moped in over a week due to the cold weather and noticed it was missing and the lock to the moped had been cut. The investigation is pending.

Nov. 27 1:00 a.m.

While on routine patrol an Officer observed 2 males open the north west gate to the US West apartment parking lot and exit the parking lot, running northbound in to the neighborhood. The Officer discovered that the chain used to secure the gate had been cut.

The 2 males were found walking in the nearby neighborhood but they ran in different ways and were able to evade officers. One of the males was white and was in his mid 20’s and the other was a black male in his late 20’s to early

Nov. 29 1:06 a.m.

Officers were dispatched to the 7th Street House for stolen property.

Upon arrival, officers spoke to the victim who stated that he had several items stolen from his room after the football game. The victim told officers that the value of all the items that were stolen was approximately 1500 dollars. Officers told the victim that they would file a report and conduct an investigation.

11:30 p.m.

Officers responded to a Mayo Village apartment after receiving a loud party complaint. Upon arrival, upon arrival there was a strong odor of marijuana coming from the apartment.

Before the search of the apartment the suspect attempted to dispose of the evidence but was unsuccessful.

That suspect resided at a different apartment and when officers searched that apartment they found more marijuana, on duty Tulsa Police was contacted, an issued citations to the listed suspect.

Tulsa Police confiscated the marijuana. No arrests were made.

The Collegian does not produce or edit the campus crime watch except for content and brevity.

8 December 2014

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Sports

8 december 2014

Jesse Keipp is…

Greg Diskin / Collegian

Left to right: Junior guard Shaquille Harrison lets go of the rim after finishing a dunk against Louisiana-Lafayette before Thanksgiving break. Junior forward D’Andre Wright powers past the Ragin’ Cajuns’ defense during the 64–53 win, the Hurricane’s first win of this season. After beating ULAR, they sit at 5–3.

2014 Season recap: football disappoints again Expecting to bounce back this season, the Golden Hurricane football team ended their season with a dismal 2–10 record. Sports Writer Wade Crawford discusses how it all went down.

The Golden Hurricane football team saw their season go from cautious hope to another disappointing campaign, with the man at the helm, Bill Blankenship, relieved of his duties.

In a season that ended 2–10, the Hurricane finished in the bottom ten in the country on defense and barely cracked the top 100 in offense. The Tulsa defense gave up 39.3 points per game and 487 yards per game. Offensively, the Hurricane scored 24.7 points per game and gained 413 yards per game.

Though the season was a disappointment, the team had some major standouts. The most notable is wide receiver Keevan Lucas, whose 1219 receiving yards rank eighth

in the nation. Quarterback Dane Evans threw for 3,102 yards, good for 25th in the nation. On the defensive side of the ball, defensive end Derrick Alexander led the team with eight sacks.

The season started out well, with the Hurricane beating Tulane in a 28–26 overtime thriller. The next week, however, the Oklahoma Sooners washed away Tulsa 52–7 on a wet first Saturday of September.

The next week saw the Hurricane go on the road for the first time, losing to Florida Atlantic 50–21. After a bye week, the Hurricane rounded out September with a late comeback against Texas State at home, only to fall in triple overtime, 37–34.

Tulsa’s October began with the final nonconference matchup of the season, a 42–17 road loss to the Colorado State Rams. Following this contest was another road trip, this time to Philadelphia, where the team fell 35–24 to the Temple Owls.

Homecoming weekend saw Tulsa gain a 20-point lead on South Florida, only for it to be squandered in a 38–30 loss. October

(mercifully) ended with a Halloween contest against Memphis, a 40–20 loss.

November began well for the Hurricane, with a 38–28 victory over SMU. However, the momentum didn’t carry over into the next two weeks, with road losses to UCF (31–7) and Houston (38–28). A final 49–32 home loss to East Carolina spelled the end for Tulsa’s 2014 football season and head coach Bill Blankenship’s tenure at TU. Though this year turned out to be much worse than anyone imagined, things are looking up for next year. Only seven starters are leaving due to graduation, leaving 15 returning for next season.

The tentative schedule seems somewhat favorable, trading an impressive Colorado State and Texas State for New Mexico and Louisiana-Monroe. The conference games in the new divisional setup for the AAC, include games against Houston, Memphis, SMU, Tulane and Navy, with SMU and Tulane being Tulsa’s only wins this season.

Add this with a new coach to lead the team, and there is plenty to be hopeful for in 2015.

Women’s basketball at five hundred The women’s basketball team has been playing extremely competitive basketball this year, splitting their season thus far, but with confidence for the rest of the season. Sports Writer Joseph Edmunds reports.

After eight games, TU’s women’s basketball team finds themselves at an even 4-4.

The team has yet to hit their stride and go on a winning streak of more than two games; however, they have also yet to lose more than two games consecutively.

The back-and-forth schedule started with a loss at home to Northern Iowa (69–66), which was followed by a victory against Lamar (73–69). ORU got the win in Tulsa’s next game, securing the Mayor’s Cup. Tulsa responded with their only set of consecutive

wins to date, against Texas Southern (67–64 in overtime) and Buffalo (87–77).

The team’s only consecutive wins were followed by their only consecutive losses.

Miami got the better of the Golden Hurricane (69–57), followed by a TU loss against Saint Louis University (63–58). In their most recent game, Tulsa prevailed against Valparaiso (87–63).

In each of their games this season, TU has been in a position to win. Their biggest loss was to Miami, and only by 12 points. The competitiveness of the games this season can be seen in the average score differential: +2 in favor of the Golden Hurricane. Over eight games, +2 is a small average.

Tulsa features a balanced scoring attack, with Mariah Turner leading the Golden Hurricane with 15 points per game, and Ashley Clark and Kadan Brady also averaging dou-

ble figures in points. Tulsa has shot a solid 45 percent from the field this season, including 36 percent from behind the three-point line.

The Golden Hurricane have averaged 70 points a game with their strong shooting, while keeping the opponents to 68 points a game on 42 percent shooting from the field, and 28 percent from three.

In the game against Valparaiso, Tulsa made 15 three-pointers. This effort shattered the previous record of 11, that had been done three times.

Their next game is against Arkansas Sunday, Dec. 14, at the Reynolds Center. The game is the first of three remaining non-conference games, before Tulsa enters conference play on Dec. 31 against the defending national champion Connecticut Huskies.

The game was a rematch of Tulsa’s season opener, which was played in Saint Louis. They dropped that game to the Billikens in Saint Louis by a score of 1–0. In that game, the score remained drawn at 0–0 until SLU scored with under five minutes left to get the win.

In the NCAA Tournament game, which was also played in Saint Louis, the score was again 0–0 at halftime, true to the form of the season opener. However, it only took the Billikens 20 minutes after halftime to claim the lead at 1–0. The Golden Hur-

ricane were never able to get the better of the Billikens, who added another goal with a mere three minutes left to seal the win and move on in the tournament.

The loss concluded a strong season for the Golden Hurricane, who finished second in the American Athletic Conference standings during the regular season with a 11-6-3 overall record. They proceeded to win the conference tournament and earn a spot in the NCAA tournament. Next up: for the seniors hopefully the MLS SuperDraft, from Jan. 14–18.

Soccer falls in NCAA 1st round

Men’s soccer traveled north to play the Billikens of Saint Louis in the first round of the NCAA tournament, returning to Tulsa with a loss.

Sports Writer Joseph Edmunds reports.

The Golden Hurricane men’s soccer team saw their season come to a close after a 2–0 loss to Saint Louis University in the first round of the NCAA tournament on Thursday, Nov. 20.

A Word for the Wise Imagine that it’s finals week and you’re walking into your differential equations final in Kep M1. You know a B is out of the question. You’ve heard of As, but you doubt their existence. So passing would make for a decent day. Your professor hands you the test. What kind of sadist writes these tests?

As soon as your eyes meet the paper, bile begins to rise up from your stomach, burning your throat, and passing through that slit which was once used for smiles. But instead of curling up or shedding tears, you power through and you destroy that test. Yes, you earn that elusive C and pass the class.

Who says you can’t learn life lessons from sports? “No one says that.” Shut up, reader. I’m trying to make a point. In Oregon’s beatdown of Arizona in the PAC12 Championship Game, Arizona’s center, Carter Wood, refused to give in despite the game’s futility. Late in the matchup, Wood descended into his stance, vomited on the pigskin, then snapped it to his quarterback.

That’s dedication. “Timeouts are for toddlers,” Wood heroically proclaimed (probably). So if you ever find yourself in a tight spot that may or may not involve vomit, remember Carter Wood. My sources tell me that the story is being pitched to the producers of Remember the Titans.

They Forgot What Winning Was Apparently, SMU’s coaches didn’t have much faith in their football squad all along.

In Saturday’s matchup against UConn, the Mustangs found themselves in need of the victory formation. However, the offense was blissfully unaware of how to run a simple QB kneel. First, the offense was incorrectly flagged for an illegal formation. The penalty didn’t hold because having only ten players on the field isn’t actually a penalty. Secondly, on the retry, the officials penalized the offense for having an illegal formation. So, ultimately, the Mustangs coaches just guessed their way into a passable formation, which eventually sealed the long awaited victory.

NFL Raw/Smackdown On Sunday, the New Orleans Saints and Carolina Panthers competed at the Superdome in a “fierce” division matchup. “Fierce” because someone has to win the dreadful NFC South. After Cam Newton scored a touchdown and celebrated in the first quarter, Saints players decided to show their fans that they cared in a way other than actually winning. Instead, the players chose to incite an on-field brawl. Now, I’m all for violence in sports. I love me some big hits in football and hockey games during my ice fights.

However, it doesn’t take Muhammad Ali to realize that throwing punches in football pads is pointless.

Courtesy deadspin.com

“Man you’re so lucky that these guys are stopping us from hitting each other, or else I would destroy you!”

—every football player.

Where do you land a punch on a guy fully decked out in safety gear? Head? Helmet.

Shoulders? Pads. Gut? 40 pounds of fat on the linemen. My advice to the backyard brawlers: if you’re going to fight, it has to be WWE style. Don’t be afraid to get creative.

A helmet’s worst enemy is a folding chair.

Unpadded necks are just asking for choke holds. Eye gouging will teach those smug guys to wear visors.

News from around town: Oilers stay in second The Oilers have been playing consistent hockey, doing what they need to do to stay in second. Sports Writer Wade Crawford reports.

Through the past two and a half weeks of Oiler hockey, the team has had moderate success, going from 5–4–1–0 (wins, losses, overtime losses, shootout losses) to 11–8–1–2. This puts them behind the Allen Americans for second place in the Central Division of the Western Conference.

The stretch began on Nov. 18, as the Wichita Thunder visited the BOK Center.

Oilers Steve Mele and T.J. Caig put Tulsa out to an early 2–0 lead in the first quarter, a lead that grew in the second period with a goal by Kyle O’Kane.

However, Tulsa was not able to find the goal for the rest of the game, as Wichita came back to tie the game at 3–3. After no scores occurred in the overtime period, Tulsa pulled through in the shootout, shutting out the Thunder.

The late comebacks caught up to the Oil-

ers in their trip to Quad City the next day, after a 3–1 lead with less than two and a half minutes in regulation led to a 4–3 shootout loss. The first score didn’t happen until eight minutes into the second period, a backhand goal by Adam Pleskach. Jon Booras and Steve Mele also scored in the contest. The Mallards took a 2–1 shootout lead that it would not relinquish, sending the Oilers to Missouri with a loss.

The Oilers was back on the winning track, beating the Mavericks 4–1 on Nov. 21. Newly-acquired Maverick Josh Brittain scored at about three minutes into the game, and the home team was held to that goal the entire night. Despite having nine power plays, the Mavericks were unable to score on goalie Kevin Carr, who tallied 33 saves on the night. Oilers goals came from Jon Booras (two goals), Nathan Lutz and Drew Fisher.

Wichita returned to the BOK Center on the 23rd. The two teams each scored in the first period, with goals from Wichita’s Theo Peckham and O’Kane. This trend continued

in the second period, as Wichita’s Kurtis Bartliff and Booras scored to make the game 2–2 going to the final 20 minutes of play.

Booras sealed his third multi-goal game of the season with a power play score 12 minutes into the final period. The Thunder were not able to answer, and Tulsa secured a 3–2 victory.

Thanksgiving week did not treat the Oilers well, as Tulsa went 1–2, with one of the losses a close shootout loss. Both losses occurred at the hands of the Allen Americans, by scores of 3–1 and 5–4 (on Thanksgiving Day). The Oilers rebounded on the next day, defeating the Quad City Mallards 3–2.

Tulsa hit the road for the weekend, defeating the Thunder 3–2 in a shootout on the 30th to wrap up the month.

Through the first two games of December, the Oilers hit a rough patch, dropping two of three games to the division-leading Americans while being outscored 17–9.

Last Tuesday, three combined goals by Tommy and Steve Mele wasn’t enough to match Allen’s offensive explosion in a 7–4

victory. The next night saw Allen cruise to a 5–1 victory, the only Tulsa tally coming from Matt Larke.

On Friday night, the Oilers and Allen Americans were matching goal-for-goal.

Goals by Mele, Pleskach and O’Kane (2) answered Allen’s four goals and sent the contest to overtime and eventually a shootout. Rookie Kevin Carr continued his impressive 37-save night by stifling all five Allen shootout attempts, making Fisher’s shootout goal the equalizer in a 5–4 victory.

The next night didn’t go as well for the team, as they dropped a low-scoring game to the Missouri Mavericks, 2–1. Tulsa was shut out until exactly one minute was left in regulation, when Jon Booras finally found the net.

The Oilers now enjoy a five-game homestand. Wichita visits on consecutive Wednesday nights (Dec. 10 and 17), while other opponents include the Brampton Beast (making their first visit to Tulsa) on the 12th, Quad City on the 13th and Rapid City on the 19th.

Sports

8 December 2014

the Collegian : 7

Basketball finding its footing under Haith

A lot of basketball has been played in the last three weeks; the Hurricane traveled to Vegas for a tournament, played a couple top-25 teams and went to Little Rock. Sports Writer Joseph Edmunds recaps the state of the team.

the season to this point, losing games to Oklahoma State (73–58) and Wichita State (75–55), who was ranked No. 9 in the country at the time. In each of the games, Tulsa struggled in the first half, and found themselves down by at least fifteen points in each game, and the deficits proved too difficult to overcome.

Tulsa rebounded from these losses with a strong performance against a Creighton team that was ranked No. 23 in the country the week before. The Golden Hurricane started the game better than they had the previous two, jumping out to a seven point halftime lead.

Creighton made a run to start the second half, and the lead narrowed to two. However, TU continued to pressure the Bluejays, eventually pulling away for a 77-64 statement win led by James Woodard and his 23 points. Not only were the 23 points Woodward’s high for the season, but he also passed the 1000 point mark in his career at

TU during the game.

The defensive effort of the Golden Hurricane has been the primary factor in the beginning stretch of the season. In each of their three losses, the team has given up over 70 points: 77 to Oral Roberts, 73 to Oklahoma State and 75 to Wichita State.

On the other hand, only Creighton has scored over 55 points in a TU win. And even though Creighton managed to score 64, it marked their second lowest score total of the season.

The Golden Hurricane held both Auburn and Abilene Christian to under 40 points, at 35 and 39 respectively. In these games, TU’s defensive play was impressive: holding teams under 40 points typically only occurs when the two teams have vast skill level differences, such as when the top teams in the country play lesser teams in their non-conference schedules. Tulsa achieved the feat twice, but more impressively, twice in consecutive games. They have used their speed

at the guard positions to hassle opponents into causing turnovers.

If the defense has dictated the results of the games, where does that leave the offense? The offense has been less consistent.

This inconsistency can largely be attributed to the growing pains with a new system being run by new coach Frank Haith. The offense has seemed stagnant at times in the halfcourt and operates best when the defense is creating turnovers for the guards to get out and push the tempo.

TU uses its speed to its advantage on the break, creating opportunities with more ease when on a fast break than playing half court offense. As the team becomes more accustomed to Haith’s coaching style as the season moves on, the halfcourt offense should be able to flow more freely, making the team’s overall offensive output increase.

Tulsa will finish 2014 with four more noconference home games before traveling to Orlando to face UCF on Dec. 31.

Student Writer Pat Fox responds to the university’s decision to fire head coach Bill Blankenship last Monday with his opinions about Blankenship, Tulsa football and “Game of Thrones.”

Tulsa as an institution though. We do not have favorable majors for student athletes and do not accommodate them as well as other schools. Though, as someone paying to go here I would point out that they still go here for free and should not be complaining.

But I understand what Blankenship is saying. Top recruits all think they are going to play in the NFL. Football is their main focus and school probably comes second to most of them. It is hard to get top recruits when you are competing against other schools who are structured around supporting athletes. TU also does not have the money in their football program to build amazing facilities like some other schools *Cough* OSU *Cough*.

College football reminds me a lot of “Game of Thrones.” What I keep hearing about Bill Blankenship is that he is a great guy who has strong morals and does the right thing. You know who else did the right thing? Eddard Stark. And if you read the books or watch the show you know what happened to him.

I heard the exact opposite about Blankenship’s predecessor, Todd Graham, and watching Graham on the sidelines of Arizona State games, I can see what they are saying. Graham reminds me of Tywin Lannister, and really if you look at any successful coach in college football outside of Bill Snyder at Kansas State, they will also remind you of Tywin Lannister (especially Nick Saban).

The Lannisters of Casterly Rock were a proud family and very powerful until Tywin’s father became lord and then everything went downhill very fast. Tywin’s father was very weak to say the least. Then once Tywin’s father died Tywin took over as lord and quickly made the Lannisters of Casterly Rock a powerhouse in the seven kingdoms once again through intimidation and by showing no mercy. Tywin put the Lannister name over everything else including his own honor and morals. He killed two children without even giving it a second thought. Dominant college coaches do the same thing.

Do you think that starting Jameis Winston this year after all he has done is the honorable thing? No probably not, but Florida State is undefeated. Blankenship always did the right thing like Ned Stark. He recruited players who were outstanding citizens, but maybe not the best football players.

In this profession, nice guys are not going to get you wins. It’s sad to say, but in a profession like coaching sometimes you need an asshole to lead your team, because assholes get wins. And when it comes down to it, all anyone cares about is winning, not what kind of person you are.

I would much rather have a really good young coach who is going to invigorate our program and leave after two years than one who is just average, but will not leave us. It is like dating. Are we going to take a chance on an amazing girl even though she is way out of our league and could find somebody

better, or are we going to settle for some average girl just because we know she will not leave us? I would go with the amazing girl, because even if she does leave you, the short time you had together was way better than the long boring time you had with the average girl. And who knows, if we keep going for the amazing girl maybe one will fall in love with us and decide to stick around.

If Tulsa wants to be a successful program once again they need to go after a good young coach who has an offensive background, because it is much easier to build a dominant offense at a school like Tulsa than a dominant defense.

There are a couple of coaching candidates (both offensive coordinator) that could thrive in Tulsa including Jake Spatival from Texas A&M and Doug Meacham from TCU. Personally I’d prefer Meacham because TCU’s offense was amazing this year and would fit better Tulsa’s personnel better than Spatival would. I’d be happy with both because I think they would invigorate our team to go back to their winning ways.

Through their first seven games of the season, the Golden Hurricane men’s basketball team has played a 4–3 record. The theme of the results of those games? Defense.

Following their season’s opening loss to Oral Roberts, TU rattled off three consecutive victories, defeating Louisiana Lafayette (64–53), Abilene Christian (65–39) and Auburn (53–35). The team achieved these wins with strong defensive efforts and a balanced scoring attack. A different player led TU in scoring each game.

In their next two games, the Golden Hurricane faced their biggest challenges of

The Blanken-ship has sunk: a commentary

There is the old saying that “all good things must come to an end.” Well so must all bad things.

Tulsa Grad Makes Rookie of the Year Former Tulsa safety and current Edmonton Eskimos linebacker Dexter McCoil was awarded the Rookie of the Year award in the Canadian National Football League. McCoil scored three times and tied for the league lead in interceptions with six. He also led the Eskimos with 67 tackles for the year.

Volleyball Makes All-Conference Sophomore Erica Bohannon and senior Valerie El Houssine were named to the American Athletic Conference AllConference Team, Bohannon to the first team and El Houssine to the second team.

Bohannon finished second in the league in both kills per set (4.19) as well as points per set (4.83). She was the Offensive Player of the Week once and an honorable mention six separate weeks. This is the second straight year Bohannon has been named to the all-conference team, as she was named to the C-USA second team last year. El Houssine earned her first allconference award being ranked first in the league and fourth in the country in service aces per set with 0.52. She was fourth in the conference in points per set and seventh in kills per set.

Rowing Inks Seven The women’s rowing team has picked up seven recruits who signed national letters of intent to the University of Tulsa during the November signing period. Head coach Kevin Harris on the recruits: “This is an exciting and diverse group of athletes who will bring a lot to our program.

We are seeing higher caliber athletes from around the world look at Tulsa more and more. I think these student-athletes will only help us get faster and contribute to the University in positive ways.”

I’d file Bill Blankenship’s head coaching tenure strictly on a performance basis as a bad thing. Bill Blankenship’s last two years at Tulsa were especially horrific as the team went a combined 5–19.

Despite a worse record, this year’s team seemed to play better in my opinion and was a lot more fun to watch, which probably had a lot to do with the fact that I did not have to watch Cody Green launch balls ten feet over receivers’ heads this year, but that is neither here nor there. Let’s get back to the point: Bill Blankenship.

A lot of people in the Tulsa area were really upset with the firing of Bill Blankenship. They point to the fact that he won us a conference title and was C-USA Coach of the Year in 2012. They point to the fact that we have had a young team the past two years. They point to a lot of facts, but they always fail to point to the 5–19 record and the fact that he had Todd Graham’s recruits in those first two years.

The other big bugaboo among these Blankenship supporters is they do not want Tulsa to be a stepping stone school for coaches.

Well I want to be seven feet tall, German and have an unguardable fade-away jumper, but I’m not Dirk Nowitzki and Tulsa is a stepping stone school.

I do not think Blankenship would have left TU for another school because he attended TU and has lived in Tulsa for a long time, but he was not nearly as good of a coach as the other coaches that have used us as a stepping stone school. TU is a mid-major school in the sixth or seventh best conference in the country and is not in contention to compete for a national championship.

The business of college football is sad for schools like Tulsa. Assistant coaches at big schools take head coaching jobs at small schools in hopes of getting an offer from a power five conference school. Tulsa cannot compete with power five conference schools; it does not have the money to do that.

People do not like to admit it, because living in a naïve world is a lot easier than facing the truth, but college football is all about who can cheat the best. Rich alumni at big schools care so much about football that they will do anything to win, and by anything I mean pay their players.

It just depends if they are stupid enough to get caught like SMU in the eighties. If you honestly think SMU was the only team to do that then you probably also believe that the world is six thousand years old and that OJ was innocent.

Tulsa will never compete for a national championship, but that does not mean we cannot have a fun football team who competes every year.

Blankenship did point out a problem with

2014

Collegian bowl pick’em

How to sign up for the Collegian Sports Contests: 1. Go to espn.com and sign in or create an account. (It’s free and only takes a minute to do.)

2. Hover your mouse over Fantasy and Games and select Capital One Bowl Mania.

3. Create your entry, and when it tells you to select a group, click the option that says “Don’t see your group.”

4. In the search bar type “Tulsa Collegian Contest.” (TU Collegian is not the contest, do not join that one.)

5. Once you have selected that group, click the RED button to join.

6. Type in the password: tulsacollegian.

7. Make your picks before the first bowl game on Dec. 20.

8. Good luck!

‘Cane Calendar Dec. 8 – Jan. 18 Wednesday, Dec. 10 Men’s Basketball vs. SEOS; Reynolds Center, 7:00 p.m.

Sunday, Dec. 21 Women’s Basketball vs. UALR; Reynolds Center, 2:00 p.m.

Saturday, Dec. 13 Men’s Basketball vs. Oklahoma; Reynolds Center, 1:30 p.m.

Monday, Dec. 22 Men’s Basketball vs. Incarnate Word;

Reynolds Center, 7:00 p.m.

Sunday, Dec. 14 Women’s Basketball vs. Arkansas; Reynolds Center, 2:00 p.m.

Wednesday, Dec. 31 Men’s Basketball @ UCF; Orlando, FL,

11:00 a.m.

Women’s Basketball vs. Cincinnati;

Reynolds Center, 2:00 p.m.

Wednesday, Dec. 17 Men’s Basketball vs. Missouri State;

Reynolds Center, 7:00 p.m.

Thursday, Dec. 18 Women’s Basketball vs. New Orleans;

Reynolds Center, 7:00 p.m.

Saturday, Jan. 3 Women’s Basketball @ UCF; Orlando,

FL, 3:00 p.m.

Friday, Jan. 9

Track @ Arkansas Invitational; Fayetteville, Arkansas Women’s Tennis @ Hurricane Invite;

Case Center Saturday, Jan. 10 Women’s Tennis @ Hurricane Invite;

Case Center Sunday, Jan. 11 Women’s Tennis @ Hurricane Invite;

Case Center

Thursday, Jan. 15 Men’s Tennis vs. Arkansas-Pine Bluff;

Case Center, 1:00 p.m.

Men’s Tennis vs. Illinois; Case Center,

7:00 p.m.

Friday, Jan. 16 Men’s Tennis vs. Arkansas-Pine Bluff;

Case Center, 9:00 a.m.

Men’s Tennis vs. Texas; Case Center,

6:00 p.m.

Saturday, Jan. 17 Women’s Tennis vs. Oral Roberts; Case

Center, 9:30 a.m.

Women’s Tennis vs. Arkansas-Pine

Bluff; Case Center, 3:00 p.m.

Sunday, Jan. 18 Men’s Tennis vs. Incarnate Word; Case

Center, 10:00 a.m.

Women’s Tennis vs. San Jose State; Case Center, 3:00 p.m.

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the Collegian: 8

8 december 2014

“I can’t breathe” ~ Eric Garner’s last words

Thanks to Amanda Hagedorn for compiling these clippings. Clippings courtesy Tulsa World, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, U.S. News. Graphic by Kyle Walker.

Half-hearted case against Wilson a miscarriage of justice By eschewing a proper prosecution and not building a case, St. Louis County Prosecutor Bob McCulloch showed preferential treatment to Officer Darren Wilson. Managing Editor Conor Fellin and Student Writer Katie Nichols discuss.

The protests in Ferguson are about a lot of things: they’re about gentrification and the political inequalities that creates, they’re about stereotypes and the effects these stereotypes have when they’re held by juries and police officers, and they’re about police militarization and how it disproportionately affects specific demographics.

But for all this, the protests do have a proximate cause, the shooting of black teenager Michael Brown by white Ferguson Police Officer Darren Wilson and the subsequent decision not to indict him.

Critics of the protests have argued that not indicting Darren Wilson was the only reasonable response given the conflicting testimony of witnesses and the discreditation of the “hands up, don’t shoot” narrative. The protests, they’ve argued, are ignoring the facts of the case in order to make a politically expedient statement.

What these critics are overlooking is that an indictment is not the same conviction and that a grand jury is not even close to a criminal trial.

In fact, when you apply the standards typically exercised in a grand jury to the case, the failure to indict is so astonishing that the

National Bar Association itself has released a statement condemning the verdict.

A grand jury hearing consists only of a jury, a prosecutor and whatever witnesses the prosecutor chooses to call to the stand. There is no judge and no defense attorney, and therefore no one to moderate the evidence the prosecutor chooses to present. What’s more, the proceedings, the vote and the identities of the jurors are all se-

teed. In 2010 (these are the most recent figures available), 11 out of 162,000 cases brought before a grand jury nationally did not result in an indictment. That’s .0068 percent. It’s these kinds of numbers that caused Former New York state Chief Judge Sol Wachtler to remark that a prosecutor could get a grand jury to “indict a ham sandwich.”

Usually, prosecutors take advantage of their power to create

“The intent of a grand jury is to weed out cases that have no foundation, not to determine the guilt or the innocence of the defendant” cret, meaning that no one will ever know what happens (unless the judge chooses to disclose it).

Why give the prosecutor this much control? Because the intent of a grand jury is to weed out cases that have no foundation, not to determine the guilt or the innocence of the defendant. They work in secret to save defendants from having their reputation tarnished by a frivolous criminal trial.

The amount of control a prosecutor has makes an indictment in a grand jury trial basically guaran-

a very focused case with carefully chosen evidence designed to make the jury indict on a particular cause. McCulloch, however, did not do this. He presented “every scrap of evidence” he could find to the grand jury and allowed them to choose from five different verdicts, adding confusion about the law to confusion about the facts.

McCulloch made this decision in light of accusations that, as the son of a police officer killed on duty, he would prosecute the Darren Wilson case half-heartedly.

Abigail LaBounty / Collegian

Supposedly, it would cut back on the subjectivity of the hearing. Yet abdicating his duty as a prosecutor and thrusting the job of sifting through facts upon twelve people who do not study law for a living was in itself quite a half-hearted prosecution.

The people of Ferguson gave no support to McCulloch as the prosecutor. Over 70,000 of them actually signed a petition demanding that he recuse himself as prosecutor in this trial due to his bias.

His refusal to step aside in the case alone would cause mistrust in the proceedings. Friday, November 21, McCulloch was reported to have made a comment to the jurors, “I think you are going to make the right decision, I think you are very bright.”

But doesn’t presenting more evidence help the cause of justice?

Not necessarily. The legal system is, after all, constructed around the notion that people making the decision will not be equipped with the knowledge or the training to sift through a mountain of facts themselves.

That’s why a normal trial has an advocate for both sides and a judge to filter out evidence that would unduly prejudice the jury. The system is adversarial by design so that it can present the jury with

alternate narratives for interpreting the evidence (or in the case of a grand jury, a single narrative). A prosecutor that takes it upon themselves to be judge, prosecutor and defendant is failing that system. A prosecutor that doesn’t advocate for anything is doing even worse.

There was one key witness which McCulloch quoted during his nationally televised statement of no indictment. Witness 10 stated that “One describes his [Michael Brown] movement towards Officer Wilson as a ‘full charge’”.

This testimony alone was the only witness singled out by the prosecutor, and was the only testimony that agreed with Darren Wilson’s description of the events that took place before the murder of Michael Brown.

At any rate, we can’t have special treatment for Officer Wilson.

Simply put, a special prosecutor should have been assigned to the case given McCulloch’s clear bias.

Had the grand jury indicted Wilson, would it have ultimately resulted in a conviction? Probably not. But the Ferguson community deserved an opportunity to see Officer Wilson on trial. That, after all, is part of the due process of law.

Conor Fellin / Collegian

Left: One of the buildings on W Florissant Ave., burned down the night the grand jury verdict was announced. Right: Protesters at the St. Louis Galleria Mall express their frustration with the system that showed preferential treatment to Officer Darren Wilson in the grand jury proceeding.

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8 december 2014

the Collegian: 9

Ferguson riots more than just “thuggery”

The Ferguson community and the nation at large showed a wide spectrum of responses to a grand jury’s decision not to indict Darren Wilson for Michael Brown’s death, including riots that sprung from frustration with the justice system. Managing Editor Conor Fellin and Student Writer Katie Nichols report.

Over the week of Thanksgiving, protests erupted throughout the St. Louis area and across the nation following the announcement that white Ferguson Police Officer Darren Wilson would not be indicted for shooting black teenager Michael Brown this August.

A Week of Tension On the evening of Monday, Nov. 24, protesters awaiting the grand jury’s decision had gathered across the street from the Ferguson Police Station, where a line of police officers in riot gear stared back at them.

Missouri Governor Jay Nixon had declared a state of emergency the week before and had promised to place national guard troops in Ferguson.

The weeks following Michael Brown’s shooting had seen a QuikTrip destroyed, journalists arrested and protesters attacked with tear gas and rubber bullets.

St. Louis waited anxiously for the fallout of the grand jury decision.

Business owners had boarded up their stores in anticipation of the evening. “Black Owned. Do not loot,” was spraypainted across the cardboard that blocked the windows of a grocery store.

Then, at 8 p.m., St. Louis County Prosecutor Bob McCulloch announced that Wilson would not be indicted. For a while, there was calm. Then a dozen civilians at-

tempted to tip a police car. The police responded by dispersing all of the protesters with tear gas.

Over the course of the next few hours, fires broke out in several businesses. The fire department was not called because police had at this point deemed Ferguson unsafe.

Meanwhile, a number of peaceful protests occurred throughout St. Louis and the nation. Protesters in St. Louis City blocked off a major highway for two hours. Major protests also occurred in Seattle, Washington D.C., New York City, among others.

One woman by the name of Sandra Liggins had spent all day in downtown St. Louis.

“I am protesting because of the injustice of our system,” Liggins stated. “What matters is us coming together as a community because we’re upset. An unarmed BOY was walking down the street and he was murdered. He was murdered because he was a black boy.”

Later in the week, protesters capitalized on Black Friday to stage a series of protests at area malls. At the St. Louis Galleria, for instance, shop owners closed off their stores as hundreds of protesters walked by chanting slogans like “black lives matter” and “stop shopping, join the movement.”

Kymone Freeman, a representative of WE ACT radio (which Freeman described as “the most radical media outlet in this nation’s capital”) gave a speech demanding a more representative police force, a federal investigation of the Michael Brown shooting and the immediate firing of any police officers who kill unarmed civilians.

Roughly an hour into the Galleria protest, protesters staged a “die-in,” a gesture that had become common throughout Michael Brown protests where protesters spread out and lie on

Conor Fellin / Collegian

Top: Protesters participate in a “die-in,” a gesture that symbolizes Michael Brown’s death. They lie on the ground for 4.5 minutes in recognition of the 4.5 hours Brown’s dead body lay on the street. Bottom: Protesters line the hallways. Both photos are from the Black Friday protests at the Galleria Mall of St. Louis.

the floor, symbolizing Michael Brown’s dead body and obstructing foot traffic. During the die-in, police officers asked shoppers to leave the mall.

Cbabi Bayoc, a South City resident who came to the protest with his three children, said that he thought that the protests were “getting people who aren’t really thinking about things in our society to be more concerned about what’s happening.”

In defense of the riots Opponents of the protesters have been using the fact that buildings were looted on the night of that verdict as an excuse to dismiss the protesters in general as thugs, anarchists or hooligans. Even within the movement, there is a tendency for people to disassociate themselves from the violence, claiming that the looters were just a few outliers that do not represent them.

First of all, it should be noted that the lootings and vandalisms

that these criticisms focus on are relatively minor forms of violence.

Destruction of property simply is not on the same level as destruction of life.

Secondly, these opponents are too quick to dismiss violence when violence can actually be a powerful way for repressed communities to come together and make themselves heard.

When communities feel alienated by the world at large, violence can provide an intoxicating feeling of community. “(Rioting) offers a kind of intense belonging, not dissimilar to what spectators feel at a sports event or fans at a rock concert,” remarked organizational psychologist Ken Eisold, Ph.D, in his article “Understanding Why People Riot.”

Violence is also a reaction against a political system in which the rioters have lost faith. When the county prosecutor has failed to get even an indictment against a public official that killed one

of their own, many in the community feel that the court system has failed them. It is not surprising then that the rioters do not try to achieve change by “working within the system” that is against them from the outset.

The violence on the night of the verdict, then, was the response of a group of repressed people desperate to affect something, not a bunch of thugs with deficient morals.

In fact, Martin Luther King, Jr., whose quotes on nonviolent resistance have been used to shame rioters, articulated this point quite eloquently.

“I contend that the cry of ‘black power’ is, at bottom, a reaction to the reluctance of white power to make the kind of changes necessary to make justice a reality for the Negro,” King said following a summer of violent protests in 1966. “I think that we’ve got to see that a riot is the language of the unheard.”

investigation.

Tamir Rice lived in a world where a twelve-year-old boy can be identified as a lethal threat then shot to death in under two seconds.

Eric Garner lived in a world where “resisting arrest” means trying to keep your hands free while repeating “I can’t breathe,” where a video of a police officer choking you to death is insufficient to secure an indictment, where your asthma is seen as a more significant factor in your death than the arm wrapped around your neck.

The world they lived in is the flip side of mine: the privileges I derive from the color of my skin are inseparable from the violence visited upon Brown, Rice, Garner and others. Moreover, it is the dependence of my privileges on a system which disadvantages people of color that preserves those very disadvantages.

Most white people seem willing to admit there is some racial inequality in the United States. But only a subset of those are willing

to go further and admit that some of their own prosperity is built on racial violence.

To many, the relationship between white prosperity and black misery is invisible. The traditional narrative is that white communities are wealthy because their constituents are hardworking, skilled and upstanding citizens, while black communities suffer from indigence and the residue of Jim Crow.

We’re told that white people owe their success to their hard work, while black people owe their misery to the chips on their shoulders.

The truth is that white prosperity is founded upon violence. This is uncontentious when we’re talking about history: Slavery, the Tulsa Race Riot, Jim Crow, Selma.

And that’s where the list stops in contemporary discussions about race. Somehow, 1965 is taken to mark the end of race problems in America.

But this is to ignore the uninterrupted violence and repression

faced by people of color since 1965. It is to render incomprehensible the rise of the Black Power Movement. It is to ignore the enormous impact of the War on Drugs on communities of color. It is to ignore the countless people of color killed by police officers in questionable circumstances.

It is to ignore the myriad of ways in which the courts cover for police officers at the expense of justice. It is to pretend that the deaths of Brown, Rice and Garner are isolated incidents.

They are not.

The question is: what can people like me do about it? We can “unpack our invisible knapsack” of privileges. We can speak up, whether on social media or in public. We can listen when people of color speak out. And eventually, we’ll have to give up the benefits that a violent system accords us.

I will never be shot by a police officer

Editor-in-chief Kyle Walker reflects on how his race allows him to enjoy benefits that stem from the disadvantages that people of color inherit.

A week or so ago, a good friend of mine made a solid suggestion: re-read Peggy McIntosh’s “Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack.”

The article contains a list of conditions that white people can count on but that people of color in otherwise similar circumstances cannot.

Following McIntosh, here are a few benefits I enjoy by virtue of my race.

As a white man, I am surrounded by people of my own race almost all the time.

If approached by a sales clerk, I can be sure that they want to help and that they do not suspect me of shoplifting.

I need not worry about being singled out by law enforcement because of my race.

I need not fear that I or my children will one day be killed by a police officer.

Not all people, not all communities, have this luxury.

The deaths of Michael Brown, Eric Garner and Tamir Rice are painful reminders of this reality. A reminder, at least, for those of us who can afford to forget.

After all, forgetting is a luxury that I have: I can ignore the constant political and social challenges faced by people of color, since I benefit from the system that disadvantages them.

I can live my life in relative peace, unaffected by the violence produced and exonerated by that system. I can choose whether or not I even hear about it.

Michael Brown, Tamir Rice and Eric Garner could not. The world they lived in is fundamentally different than mine.

Michael Brown lived in a world where conflicting witness testimony and ambiguous physical evidence mean that a violent death does not merit further

My thanks to Nancy Eggen, Laura Allen and Haley Stritzel for their thoughts on this topic.

Commentary

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8 December 2014

Improving ‘Cane Transit

After international and domestic students expressed interest in an improved shuttle system, Student Writer Vanessa Siemers helped ‘Cane Transit come up with a new plan.

Courtesy Wikimedia Commons

Above is a delicious pumpkin pi pie, perfect to enjoy during the holiday season.

Why pi is yummy

In light of the holiday season, the Collegian asked Student Writer Sam Beckmann to share his thoughts on the most delicious of Thanksgiving treats, and this is what he wrote.

For most Americans, Pi has a special place in their hearts. I know that, in my house at least, Thanksgiving is not over until at least three separate pi’s have been served. There are pi eating contests, pi throwing contests, we even have American Pi! It’s safe to say that this country is obsessed with pi. But what makes this delectable treat so special? What is it that separates 3.14 from every other delicious treat out there? Why is pi so much more popular than brownies? Well, even setting all its mouthwatering mathematical recipes aside, the real reason for pi’s success is simple: it’s a nice, round number.

Americans love round things.

Baseballs, pizzas, monster truck wheels, disco balls. When someone is the best at something we give them a gold round thing to celebrate. We live on a giant round thing. Heck, we even celebrate our round thing taking a round journey around a bigger round thing by lowering a shiny round thing from the sky. And round numbers are no exception to this circle-centric attitude. And pi is, without a

pure mathematics, pi has something for everyone. The great John Evans, a comedian who got his start right here in Tulsa, acutely pointed out that if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter, the result is exquisite pumpkin pi. There are even theological connotations associated with the dessert, as the sum of the first 144 digits ( (6+6) x (6+6) ) are equal to 666, which many people use as evidence for a higher power, which they refer to as “Satan.” For more information about these Satanists, contact Fraser Kastner of “The State Run Media.”

As if you weren’t convinced already, in the theory of pi, a scientific theory the origins of which date back to some date before I was born, scientists have agreed upon 3.14 reasons why everyone should eat pi. First, creating a pi can tell us much about the inner workings of our universe. Carl Sagan illustrated this notion when saying, “If you want to make an apple pie [sic.] from scratch, you must first create the Universe.” Second, the Egyptians had the first recorded instance of pi. Current theories believe this heavenly treat was given to them by aliens, and by eating Pi, you are helping to reestablish contact with the aliens. Third, research has shown that Boston cream pi is not actually pi, and in reality just a cake in disguise.

This pi-imitation only furthers the notion everything in the universe

“The real reason for pi’s success is simple: it’s a nice, round number”

doubt, the roundest of round numbers. For instance, when rounded to the nearest whole number, pi is equal to 3, a number consisting of two round humps, as opposed to straight, unrounded numbers such as 4, or 1, or 71447114714774.

This, combined with the inherently round nature of pi, (Have you ever been served a triangular pi?) well establishes pi’s roundness, explaining America’s infatuation with the tasty number.

Even if you have a disdain for

wishes to be pi. Finally, the latest data demonstrates pi should be able to cure cancer. In a quote from a famous scientist I read on one of my friend’s facebook wall, “It’s, uhh, truly amazing. I think this will completely revolutionize the way we do things. We’re living through some exciting stuff.”

And, for those asking, of course Tau is better is better than Pi. Why restrict yourself to one Pi when you can have two? Easy as Pi.

The shuttle system of the University of Tulsa will be changed in the following semester. Being part of a group project in a management class, my group members and I decided to take our project as a chance to try to improve the situation of the shuttle system of the University.

We were aware of the fact that this wouldn’t be so easy. There are so many facts and circumstances which you have to have in mind.

First the people working with the shuttle system must find interest in our idea, then there has to be money available and improving the shuttle system also means more buses and drivers.

Before starting we jointly created with those responsible a survey to see if there is really a need for an improved shuttle system or if this is just an important concern for exchange students like me because

we don´t have cars and depend on the shuttles. The evaluation of the survey showed that Americans would also be interested in getting more possibilities to take a shuttle.

So we sat together with the people from ‘Cane Transit who were really nice, helpful and surprisingly receptive towards our ideas. After some meetings our project showed success: The shuttle system will be improved. In the next semester there will be each month on one Saturday a shuttle leaving to different places in Tulsa. The places are the Tulsa Aquarium, the Philbrook Museum, Cherry Street & Utica Square, the Tulsa Zoo and the May Fest. Additionally the shuttles are running; they are probably leaving around noon and coming back in the late evening.

We came up with this idea because we determined that actually there is only one shuttle on Saturdays going from 1 pm to 7 pm to different grocery stores and to one little shopping mall. This schedule is very limited which often makes it difficult for people to take it. Additionally, you have to wait until Saturday to go shopping, but when you need something immediately you always have to find a nice per-

son who can give you a ride. Another disadvantage of the current shuttle system is the places where it is going. The shuttles don´t bring you to different coffee shops or some attractions of the city like the zoo or the different museums.

Thinking about other possible places to go to, a group project in one of my classes came up with a solution.

Coming as an exchange student to Tulsa in August 2014 I was really excited about the US in general and about Tulsa and the University. I want to explore as much as I can during the short time I am staying here. Before coming to the US I was already aware of the fact that the shuttle system wouldn’t be the same as in Germany or in Europe, but after arriving here and searching desperately for shuttles that would take me downtown or to a coffee shop, I had to accept that there is no way to get there by bus. I really had not expected that there would not even be one shuttle going to downtown. But as I mentioned above this will be changed in the next semester so that hopefully also many other students can take advantage of the new shuttles.

Scientists should be legally accountable to laypeople

Last issue, Nate Beckemeyer argued that juries for cases relating to science should be composed exclusively of scientists. Managing Editor Conor Fellin disagrees, claiming that doing so would give institutions of science too much power.

The last issue of the Collegian included an article entitled “Scientists should be tried by their peers.” The article described a group of Italian geologists who were convicted of manslaughter for incorrectly predicting that an earthquake would not occur. That earthquake went on to kill more than 300 people.

While the article was correct in saying that particular conviction was preposterous, it went on to make an unwarranted conclusion: when scientists are tried in matters regarding science, they should be tried by other scientists.

This conclusion overlooks the fact that the science community has institutional biases of its own.

Most prominently, the scientific community has a stake in cutting back on the regulation of science.

The scientific community, then,

should not get to dictate the role it plays within society. Unfortunately, this is exactly what having scientists tried by scientists would amount to.

Let’s assume the minimum requirement for being on a jury of scientists is a bachelor’s degree in some science (including a social science), mathematics, technology or engineering. Even with such a low requirement, the large swathe of society that for one reason or another did not attend a four-year college would be unable to participate, as would anyone who chose to pursue a non-scientific discipline.

Of course, most of the people on this jury would have little more background knowledge on geology than a layperson. Also, with just any bachelor’s degree, they cannot be trusted to actually know the scientific method. So we’ll painstakingly draw up a list of graduate degrees, professional certifications and so on that make these jurors expert enough in geology to serve on a geological jury.

At this rate, the case is being judged by an increasingly small elite that have undergone increasing scrutiny by others in their field to and have consequentially spent

increasingly large amounts of time immersed in their respective academic silos.

Science has had a huge impact on society, and, barring sudden political changes, its impact will only get bigger. People who aren’t genetic engineers should have something to say about genetic engineering, and people who aren’t artificial intelligence experts should have something to say about artificial intelligence. If only scientists can try other scientists, then any attempts to regulate these fields from the outside are effectively neutered.

Yes, if we let laypeople decide the fates of scientists, we’ll probably have a lot of stupid and unfair verdicts. But that’s the risk we run every time we let twelve people who may or may not know anything about the law decide the fate of a defendant.

I am not saying the jury in scientific trials should be ignorant.

The jury should be given an opportunity in the trial to become somewhat informed about scientific issues through the testimony of expert witnesses. But requiring the jury to consist entirely of scientists simply does not provide for a balanced view of the facts.

Former idol sparks personal reflection Student Writer Hannah Kloppenburg shows that those who grew up with “The Cosby Show” must reconcile Cliff Huxtable’s family values with rape allegations against Cosby.

In recent months, comedian Bill Cosby has been the subject of a number of rape allegations. Many find the allegations particularly shocking because Cosby is a beloved comedian, actor and wellknown advocate of family values.

Some readers will find it alarming to learn that these are not the first allegations against Cosby.

Victims began coming forward in 2005 and 2006 with charges against Cosby, but these allegations were largely ignored by the general public and eventually faded from the limelight. In the last couple months, these charges have resurfaced, along with testimonies from a whole slew of new victims—a total of 17 women.

The large majority of Cosby’s alleged victims state that they were drugged by Cosby and then forcibly raped. Most of the assaults occurred well after Cosby was married with children and had made a name and career for himself in comedy and television.

Why have these allegations flown under the radar until now?

Several reasons, most of which have their basis in the fact that as a society we don’t like to see our heroes fall. We don’t want to live in a world where wisecracking sitcom dad Cliff Huxtable is a serial rapist.

As upsetting and painful as it can be to see our heroes go wrong, it’s especially important to pay close attention when this happens (and it will) because this disillusionment often has something to teach us about society, human nature or even ourselves.

Heroes represent an ideal, but it’s easy to forget that the ideal aspects we admire in our heroes can sometimes be representative of only a single facet of their being. As humans, it’s normal for us to exist with aspects of good and bad or even some sort of wishywashy moral in-between. And as unbelievable as it may seem, it’s very possible for a man who advocated for education, promoted family values, and made significant strides for black Americans in television to be the same man who drugged, coerced and assaulted nearly twenty women.

When Cosby’s actions are condemned, it causes us to question his motives and messages in unrelated areas; in other words, a perfect opportunity to think critically about the lessons he had to teach us. It’s a difficult process and not

necessarily a pleasant one, particularly when the man in question is seen as a trusted authority. But in questioning the things we’ve been taught by our heroes, we’re given a chance to prevent the mindless acceptance of messages and foster the independent development of opinions and values.

This sort of situation also gives us an opportunity to evaluate ourselves—for example, what is your reaction to the rape allegations?

Do you find yourself trying to defend Cosby or reassuring yourself that it’s totally possible that these women are lying for personal gain? Are you immediately jumping to the defense of the victims or sitting back, simply not sure what to make of the whole thing? Taking a look at your own response is a chance to assess aspects of your personality or internalized values that you might not consciously consider otherwise.

It’s a wonderful thing to look up to others, and we’re fortunate to have people in our society who we deem worthy of admiration.

However, in light of recent events, we are reminded that our heroes are only human, and humans are flawed. Rather than be despondent, I suggest that we take these situations as opportunities to make ourselves into intelligent, aware, independently thinking people.

Courtesy Wikimedia Commons

Cosby managed to avoid confronting rape accusations for a long time because he’s admired by many and promoted values that the country likes to uphold.

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Late in November, President Obama announced that his administration would take executive action to fill the immigration policy gap left by an unproductive Congress. Since Obama took office, the Department of Homeland Security has deported record numbers of individuals. The administration’s DACA and DAPA programs aim to provide a path to legal status for long-time undocumented U.S. residents.

Graphic by Sam Beckmann

Obama’s executive action on immigration wide-reaching

News Editor Nikki Hager outlines and analyzes Obama’s new program for undocumented parents of children born in the United States.

President Obama announced that the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) would no longer deport the parents of U.S. citizens and Legal Permanent Residents (LPRs) as part of an executive action on immigration on Nov. 20. Deferred Action for Parental Responsibility (DAPA) provides temporary relief from deportation and grants work permits to individuals have a U.S. citizen or LPR son or daughter, have lived continuously in the United States since before Jan. 1, 2010, do not have legal immigration status, pass a background check.

Further, there is a caveat that individuals applying for DAPA, “present no other factors that would render a grant of deferred action inappropriate.” In other words, the DHS still has the final say and allows for a great deal of agency discretion.

There is also another large ex-

ception. The program stipulates that individuals applying for DAPA must not be an “enforcement priority”— simply put, persons that have committed crimes, or are deemed a threat to public safety or national security.

Throughout his presidency, Obama has focused on deporting criminals. Over half of the people deported in the last several years have criminal records. This is in part due to the implementation of the Secure Communities program that works with local law enforcement.

Aside from the advantage of potentially reducing crime, convicted criminals often bypass immigration courts, which are already backlogged with the average wait time for an immigration court is over 500 days.

Obama also announced that age cap for Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) would be eliminated. The program, which works similarly to DAPA, applies to undocumented immigrants that were brought into the country before they turned 16. Previously, the program was limited to those who entered before 1981.

To be clear, DAPA and DACA

are not amnesty, they are merely an act of presidential discretion.

The terms are rather vague, but so long as they don’t misbehave and play by the rules, certain undocumented immigrants can stay for now. = The terms are rather vague, but so long as people looking to participate in the program don’t break any laws, they can stay for now.

President Obama is doing the best he can to work with a broken immigration system.

The last time the United States had major immigration reform was 1990, the same year the Soviet Union broke up and several years before most current TU students were born. Since then, we have seen major demographic and economic changes both globally and here at home.

On the other hand penalties against undocumented immigrants have increased—today immigrants who have been living in the United States without documents for over a year are barred from applying for legal entry for 10 years. In fact, there is no current system in place for undocumented migrants to obtain legal status while they are in the country. While it is vital to up-

hold the rule of law, our country cannot afford to rip out the undocumented immigrants that make up 5.2 percent of the labor force.

Meanwhile, the budgets for the Department of Homeland Security, Immigration and Customs Enforcement and other enforcement agencies have exploded. The budget of U.S Customs and Border Protection skyrocketed from under 6 billion dollars in 2005 to 12.4 billion this year. And according to studies done at Princeton and U.C. San Diego, increased border enforcement does not deter people from crossing the border.

With 11 million undocumented immigrants living the United States, it does not make sense to deport them all. Not only would it costs billions through expansion of immigration agencies and immigration courts, but it would tear apart families, and it ultimately goes against the notion of America as a land of opportunity.

It also does not make sense to prohibit them from working. By issuing work permits, it allows the government to not only keep tabs on who is in the country and where they are living and working, but it makes it easier to collect taxes.

Further, the notion that immigrants take native-born workers’ jobs or lowers wages paints an incomplete picture, ignoring the cycling through of the migrants wages into the economy, spurring consumption and incentivizing production.

President Obama has limited tools: there are only a select number of actions he can take without Congressional approval. Further, DHS has a limited budget and the immigration courts are already backlogged. DAPA relieves some immigrants’ fear of deportation while allowing them to work, stimulating the economy and making it easier to collect taxes. It also allows the DHS to focus its resources on finding and deporting others who pose a threat to country or, at the very least, have not started a family here.

However, the President’s actions are only a drop in the hat of a larger immigration problem. Only Congress can reform the complex family-based and employmentbased system that legal immigration depends on. Only Congress can increase immigration court funding to reduce the long wait times. Only Congress can allow true amnesty.

the sequestration, as a reason for his opposition. Since then, he has changed his mind about the tactical value of voting against the Speaker. He still believes that Boehner is not the best choice, but with the Republican Party having a historically large majority, he doesn’t believe changing leadership is a feasible option. He reasons that there will be enough Republican votes to make Boehner Speaker even if a number of representatives oppose doing so.

Voting for Boehner is a good move for committee memberships.

In Congress, most of the work is done through the various committees. Legislation has to pass through a committee before it can be voted on by the entire chamber.

The composition of these committees is determined by congressional leadership. Opposing party leadership can risk one’s committee assignments.

In 2012, representatives Justin Amash and Tim Huelskamp, the only Republicans who voted against Paul Ryan’s budget, were removed from the House Budget Committee. Two other represen-

tatives also lost seats on the Financial Services Committee: David Schweikert and Walter Jones.

According to a Washington Post estimate, Jones had only voted with the party 69 percent of the time from 2011–2012, which is extremely low. Schweikert is the only one of the three that voted for John Boehner. Bridenstine’s decision to support Boehner this time helps make his assignments on the Armed Services Committee and the Science, Space and Technology Committee more secure.

Bridenstine asserts that “Speaker Boehner has not been sufficiently strong in challenging the President—the most ideologically liberal and obstinate in our nation’s history.” Assuming that Boehner hasn’t been strong enough, that President Obama is very ideological and that it’s desirable to oppose Obama, voting for Boehner is the most logical decision. A unified Republican Party would be more effective in counteracting the president than one that’s divided. Votes against the Speaker reinforce the idea that there’s a “civil war” among the GOP. This

narrative is used as evidence of Republican extremism that shows Republicans aren’t capable of governing. Even with the Senate victories, Republicans still need to work with the president and

Democrats in the Senate (because of the 60 vote rule). Republicans fighting amongst themselves gives the Democrats less reason to join them. Also, party in-fighting could make the 2016 race more difficult.

A more strategic choice for Bridenstine

Politics Writer Brennen VanderVeen believes Congressman Bridenstine’s vote for John Boehner as Speaker is a more strategic choice than last year’s opposition.

With every new Congress, a Speaker of the House must be elected by the representatives.

Historically, each party nominates one of its members. The Republican Party majority has voted to nominate incumbent Speaker John Boehner. Since Congressman Jim Bridenstine was first elected in 2012, this will only be the second time he takes part in an election for Speaker. This year, Bridenstine has announced that he will vote for John Boehner. This is a good thing because deviating from most of the members of one’s party makes little strategic sense.

In 2013, Bridenstine voted for then Majority Leader Eric Cantor. He was one of only twelve Republicans (excluding Boehner himself) who did not vote for the Speaker. He cited Boehner’s support for the Budget Control Act of 2011, which eventually led to

Once you start writing for the Collegian …

You’ll never want to leaf.

variety

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8 December 2014

My 20th Thanksgiving: tedious but worth it Student Writer Doesn’t-want-to-ruin-his-relationshipwith-his-family relates the awkwardness of going home for the holidays, and the overall love and familiarity that makes spending an entire day with your family worth it.

My first Thanksgiving:

An exciting experience in a foreign country

I walk into my grandparents’ house and the smell of packs and packs of cigarettes invades my nostrils. I hug my grandmother, who never seems quite as happy to see me as her other grandchildren, and go to find my aunt, the only one I know of who cried when I left for college. She gives me a hug and tells me I look skinnier, too skinny.

Next I write out my Christmas list for this year’s Secret Santa. I never know what to put down. I don’t really trust them to buy anything I’d actually like, so I just write down This giftcards, like I do every year. is an arI try talking to my cousins, there are a ticle about bunch around my age, but none of them really a German have much in common with me. Most of them girl (me) are sporty, and to be frank, not extremely inwho had her telligent. I manage to have a nice conversafirst Thankstion with one of my cousins about hockey, giving in the one of the few sports I enjoy watching, and United States. how difficult it is to watch a game in OklaBefore writing homa, where no one cares about hockey. about my expeOne of my other cousins tells me I am riences I want to “too literal” when I inform him that you shortly introduce what cannot, in fact, be 200 percent sure about expectations I had before havsomething. I am saved from a dreadful aring my first real Thanksgivgument about the laziness of hyperboles ing. in language by the announcement that Thanksgiving in Germany dinner is ready. is not as big of a deal as it is Ahh but Thanksgiving dinner, guarhere in the United States. It´s anteed to turn any sub-par Thanksgiving a religious event celebrated around. The turkey is moist and amazing in church, not a tradition in when smothered with gravy. My grandwhich families celebrate tomother’s mashed potatoes have more gether in a private atmobutter in it than I wish to think about but sphere. my God was it delicious.

Before coming to the Someone brought sweet potatoes, which United States I hadn’t are a personal favourite of mine. But the star heard much about how of the meal, as always, is Grandma’s dressThanksgiving was celing. I don’t even know what’s in the stuff, but ebrated here. That´s I know the flavours send good vibes all through the reason I was reyour body. ally excited about After dinner I just want to sit on the couch, preit. During the tend to be interested in a football game, and text my holiday I friends about how bored I am, but one of my aunts stayed in decides that it would be a great idea to not just sit around two and watch football but instead to play charades.

After an hour of embarrassment (and it must be said that apparently no one in my family has even heard of “Catch-22”) people finally decide it is time to leave.

Overall, coming home from college is a strange experience. Everything seems new and just a little bit different, but it is still familiar. The world goes on without you and that makes people just a bit uncomfortable.

Despite this, your family still accepts you, drops you right back into the fray. However much they might bore or annoy me, I must admit I did miss them all just a little bit.

Student Writer Vanessa Siemers shares her thoughts on experiencing Thanksgiving in America for the first time as a German international student.

She describes her thoughts on the family togetherness and consumption of copious amounts of food that characterize American Thanksgivings. different houses, so I got the opportunity to celebrate two Thanksgivings.

The first family I stayed with celebrated Thanksgiving more traditionally. Every year they celebrate this event with some of their friends, and each year all the members of that friend circle have Thanksgiving in a different house.

This year the family I stayed with went to a friend’s house to celebrate there together. Because I left them one day before the event, they offered to have their own Thanksgiving, so that I could get a first impression of what Thanksgiving in America looks like.

The preparations for the dinner started in the morning. I would say the most difficult part of the preparation was cutting up vegetables to roast inside the large bird. In the evening the whole family was assembled and prepared the rest of the dinner.

This Thanksgiving dinner included: the turkey, mashed potatoes, bread and croissants with butter, different kinds of sauces, a mix of green beans and other ingredients called green bean casserole—a popular Thanksgiving side dish in the United States, I’ve been told—gravy, cornbread dressing and cranberries.

In this family no typical Thanksgiving drink exists, so we drank what they normally drink for dinner, milk. After the main dinner we had two different sorts of dessert: crème brûlée and

Writing Out Loud touching, insightful

Student Writer Hannah Kloppenburg attended the thought-provoking performances at Writing Out Loud, an open mic held in McFarlin Library.

TU’s writers are ready to make themselves heard. Wednesday’s Creative Writing open mic, “Writing Out Loud,” featured a number of TU students who volunteered to share their work with others.

The event, held in the cozy environment of one of the McFarlin Library’s study rooms, featured works ranging from prose to poetry to song.

The open mic was organized

by Michael Wright, director of the Interdisciplinary Program in Creative Writing at TU. In the future, Wright hopes to hold similar events once per semester.

Though the event was somewhat small, it was not at all exclusive.

Despite having no connections to TU’s creative writing program, we were greeted, welcomed and enthusiastically offered pizza immediately upon our arrival.

Students sprawled on ornate sofas and plastic chairs, munching on pizza and chatting amongst one another. The atmosphere was warm, informal and friendly, perfect for an evening that would involve the sharing of personal work.

Each student had a unique perspective to share, in the form of modern free verse, short stories, song, even poetry reminiscent of the works of centuries past.

The students who courageously shared their work with others were not only talented writers but also performers. Some works decidedly fell into the category of slam poetry, while others were simply well-written and well-read prose with dramatic pauses at the appro-

pumpkin pie, which both tasted really good. After the dinner we sat together, talked a little bit and watched a movie.

The Thanksgiving dinner at the second family differed more than I had expected from the dinner of the first family. Instead of a whole turkey, they had a turkey roll that had all the bones removed with rice dressing and sausage inside.

The rice dressing they used is a special sort of Cajun style dressing.

Instead of mashed potatoes they had sweet potatoes, and their cornbread dressing differed from the recipes from the northern parts.

They also had a basic gravy to put on the turkey, and for dessert we had Cajun brownies and a chocolate pie.

In this family all the family members came together on Thanksgiving.

We dressed up and ate all the delicious food together. It was a really nice atmosphere because

Music

Review

By Meagan Collins

Jazz concert had great range

Sam Beckmann / Collegian

Professor Michael Wright performs his work in the McFarlin Library study room.

priate places and just enough emotion to make the pieces authentic.

As entertaining as it was to listen to each piece of writing, it was almost as much fun just to see the different performing styles. Some had their writing memorized, others did not. All presented beautifully.

It was a treat to listen to the words of my peers. I love that “Writing Out Loud” gave TU students a judgment-free, encouraging setting in which to share their work with others—something that can be surprisingly difficult to

come across.

I was touched by the stories they had to tell and left speechless after some of the more thoughtprovoking pieces. I left the study lounge with thoughts tumbling about in my head and the urge to pick back up some old writing of my own.

I definitely intend to visit the next open mic this coming spring semester. Unsurprisingly, I’m impressed with the talent that TU has to offer. Here’s to hoping we’ll see more of it in the near future.

Jazz singers and Big Band I started their December concert on Dec. 4 at 7:30 p.m. Solos introduced the singers, and Pam Prescott, with a voice fit for radio, began with “They Can’t Take That Away From Me.” Jevan Bremby came next with “One for My Baby” in a solid straightforward sound. Asura Oulds-Jones got backup singers for his bold version of “Valerie” and everyone had energy on stage. Katie Creed’s sang a sensual “Body and Soul.” Sophia Gilstrap concluded the vocalist solos with an ethereal “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” that was as comfortable and cozy as grandma’s cookies.

Then the jazz vocal group came together for a Gershwin medley and a fairly pretty but gloomy “Come Sunday” by Duke Ellington. Then to send away the singers and introduce the band, “Straighten up and Fly Right” showcased another fabulous Bobby Kitchen solo.

The TU Big Band I took over the second half of the concert with Sarah Maud.

There were some new songs and some reused from the last concert.

Thankfully the ones they chose to redo were just as great the second time around.

Trombonists TJ Smith and Greg Fallis showed off some solos in the classic and fun “Can’t Buy Me Love.”

some of the family members are no longer living there, and this event was an occasion when all come together to see each other for a day.

During the dinner we watched a football game, which they told me is a typical activity for the day. After finishing we went shopping because evidently Thanksgiving in the U.S. today is also the traditional start of the Christmas shopping season.

All in all it was a nice and great experience.

I learned that Thanksgiving is a time to spend the entire day cooking and eating with your family.

ACAC concert lost in the rush The reenergized Association of Music Students hosted the first Brown Bag Concert at ACAC on Wednesday, Nov. 19 during lunch hours. Musicians, mostly music majors, performed classical and a few Christmas pieces for the crowds to promote musical experiences.

ACAC was a difficult venue to perform in, with echoing walls and lots of talking and eating going on, but the musicians handled it well.

The main enemy of the performers was volume. Amps and microphones weren’t allowed, and as a result much of the beautiful music was swallowed up in chit chat. To make matters worse, the performers were forced into a small cove in the building as to not obstruct lunch traffic.

To counteract the natural acoustics of the building, the musicians chose exciting and vigorous pieces that would stand out, and some students performed duets to be even louder. The pianists, namely Drew Crane, Abigail Gschwend, Benjamin Krumwiede and Hayden Iskander, as well as vocalists Morgen Culler and Carter Jameson, were most successful at projecting their sound the farthest. When their music broke through the excess sound, students clapped enthusiastically.

Students hungry for the new Star Ginger restaurant were serenaded the best, while students in line for Chick-fil-A and Benvenuto’s didn’t notice the performances half the time as they were farthest from the music.

Although a lot of the performances were spent leaning over in my chair to hear better, there wasn’t one wrongly placed note and the audience showed their appreciation when they could hear it.

variety

8 December 2014

the Collegian : 13

Stead lights up Chapman Commons

Student Writer Vanessa Siemers relates the festivities at Night Light, the annual event hosted

by President Upham wherein carols are sung, cookies are eaten and the Chapman Commons are lit by thousands of blue Christmas lights.

Chuyi Wen / Collegian

A group of students from the University School sing classic Christmas carols under the direction of Kathy Call at TU’s Light Night.

Night Light is an event at the University of Tulsa where on one evening all the lights surrounding the Chapman Commons are turned on to kick off the holiday season.

The President of the University, Steadman Upham, invited the University of Tulsa and the Tulsa communities to the third annual Night Light at TU on Nov. 18, which started at 5:15 p.m. and went until 6 p.m.

After a speech from Upham, there was a drum roll and the lights were turned on. It was an amazing view to see all the trees surrounding the Chapman Commons and the apartments shining in blue lights.

Within a moment half of the place was covered in blue. Additionally all the guests got a little blue light which they could clip on their jackets and a light stick that they could wave into the air.

It was an amazing view to see all the lights, and Channel 6 did a live broadcast during the event.

The event was accompanied by various groups who sang different Christmas songs. The 109 children of the University School (a grade school on TU’s campus), directed

by Kathy Call, started with performances of some popular Christmas melodies. They raised their hands and waved their blue lights into the air.

Motivated by the children, the audience joined in, also waving their lights into the air. After they finished their performance the Cappella Chamber Singers, a smaller auditioned ensemble that performs music of higher caliber, entered the stage. They are a university group lead by Prof. Kim Childs.

The last singers were the Phi Mu Alpha fraternity singers, directed under Jack Conley, who were impressive with their high range of different voices.

All guests were invited to sit together, drink hot chocolate and coffee, and eat delicious cookies.

“Objective” game review: Bayonetta 2 uses buttons and control sticks to perform actions

Thanks to the #Gamergate movement, the Collegian has realized that video games should be reviewed objectively with no mention of art or social context. To fulfill this goal, Collegian Expat Patrick Creedon, Variety Editor Abigail LaBounty and Managing Editor Conor Fellin share their experiences of “Bayonetta 2.”

Courtesy bayonetta2.nintendo.com A promotional photo for Bayonetta 2: 0x303030 0x4d4d4d 0xf5f5f5 0x515151 0xf5f5f5 0x525252 0xd0d0d 0xe7e7e7 0xb2b2b2 0x6e6e6e 0xf8f8f8 0xe0e0e0 0x434343 0x494949 0x979797 0x848484 0x151515 0x878787 0x292929 0x838383 0x373737 0x424242 0x262626 0xb1b1b1 0x5e5e5e 0x1d1d1d 0xb6b6b6 0xf7f7f7 0xa9a9a9 0x3f3f3f 0x595959 0x8d8d8d 0xd0d0d0 0x7f7f7f 0x5f5f5f 0xf9f9f9 0xc9c9c9 0xc2c2c2 0x656565 0x1f1f1f 0xdedede 0xb9b9b9 0x838383 0x20202 0xd8d8d8 0x979797 0xfafafa 0x111111 0xf0f0f0..

Glow on the Green rings in the holiday season Student Writer Joe Watkins describes the holiday magic at the Guthrie Green’s annual Glow on the Green market and festival.

The 3rd Annual Glow on the Green Evening Market and Holiday Extravaganza took place on Sunday, Nov. 30 at the Guthrie Green urban park in downtown Tulsa. The event lasted from three until seven, beginning with live holiday music performed by the Council Oak Men’s Chorale.

A holiday market ran throughout the night, with local crafts and goods for sale. Lucky’s, a restaurant located on the Green, offered a special menu of foods and spirits just for the occasion.

Santa and Mrs. Claus were also present to hear children’s Christmas wishes. Over the course of the afternoon, different bands took the stage, including Team Galaxy, Bravo Bass and Mike Cameron.

In addition to all of the above, there was a special exhibit present on the Green. The Gathering Place Park Pod was a massive inflatable pod which contained animations,

“Bayonetta 2” is a videographic computer game for the Nintendo Wii U entertainment console.

Though released by Platinum Games only two months ago, it has already garnered a moderate amount of controversy for alleged sexist imagery of its characters.

In light of such controversy, it becomes necessary to analyze the merits of “Bayonetta 2” in an objective manner outside of any sort of journalistic agenda to undermine its art.

One first needs to understand the truth that a video game’s appeal comes only from its gameplay and absolutely nothing else. The portrayal of characters or quality of the story pales in comparison to the execution of input and its ensuing output on screen. And let me tell you, “Bayonetta 2,” exclusively on the Wii U, performs admirably.

By pressing the buttons or moving the control sticks on the Wii U GamePad, players can move the title character on the screen and make her perform attacks or jump in quick succession with almost zero lag time between input and the virtual action taking place.

Like in its prequel, this game has you fight bizarre renditions of angels and demons such as the

titular witch, and as you perform better and better by pressing the controller’s buttons at better and better times, players can enter perhaps the most revolutionary part of the series: Witch Time.

Combat slows down in ways unlike all the other video games out there, allowing the player to perform complicated combos very quickly.

And those combos, boy are they beautiful. I mean, they would be beautiful if beauty were not subjective. The button combos flow through your thumbs so smoothly, they’re committed to muscle memory almost instantly. This game objectively has the best button combos in all of gaming history.

And what is the prize for performing these combos so well?

Bayonetta the witch starts to use more and more of her powers.

The majority of her powers come from her being able to control the use of her hair in combat, and as the combinations of buttons one must press get more complicated, more of her body is revealed through such combat.

So that when one is performing those beautiful combos at the best that the game allows, players should see a near-nude, buxom,

bosomy witch attack CronenbergLynchian angel-demons using monsters made of her hair.

Which isn’t important. If games were examined as art in their socio-political context, an entire article could be written on this mechanic, but all this reporter can say, and this is a stretch, is that this mechanic definitely creates movement on the screen.

The art in Bayonetta is mostly blue. There are some yellows, whites and purples but really it’s blue. Like, super blue with curves.

The angles are never that sharp.

Yeah, there are a ton of curves.

In fact, I will now enumerate every pixel within my playthrough of the game, as well as every button I pressed and every sound I heard, so that your judgement of it can be unimpeded by any human analysis or interpretation: Turn on console.

Hum of frequency 400 Hz. Frame 1: 0xFFFFFF 0xF2AB4F 0xF2ABCA? 0x1F47BF 0x378BDC At this point, we had to cut off Mr. Creedon’s review, as it goes on like this for … quite some time.

Merry Christmas and a futile New Year

Existentialism Editor Will Boogert waxes poetic on the materialism of Christmas, the futility of the New Year and the merits of eventually abandoning all religious affiliation photos and a 5-minute virtual to worship the Void.

tour contrasting the current Green with what it will look like after additions that are planned to take over the next three years.

As the sun set and the temperature cooled, the stage was surrendered to the Brady Orchestra, which performed a selection of songs from the discography of the Beatles.

At 6 p.m. Mayor Bartlett and his family took the stage to begin the Lighting of the Green. After he gave a short speech wishing the residents of the city a happy holiday season, the Christmas lights around the green were turned on, transforming the park into a festive holiday garden.

After the Lighting of the Green, many other buildings and parks in downtown Tulsa turned their own lights on. The Old Town Trolley began offering round trip tours from the Green to each of these locations for interested parties.

In case you missed Glow on the Green, there will be Holiday Music Festivals every Friday and Saturday until Christmas at the Green from 7 to 9 p.m., and attendance is free.

The Christmas season, whether you like it or not, is upon us now.

It’s time to be cheerful and insist that everyone else have a Merry Christmas, God damn it. It’s time to remind ourselves and everyone else of our material wealth by giving them plastic-wrapped products that prove it.

But it’s also time to be with the people that we love, if we can be so lucky, and huddle together with them in the face of the inevitable New Year—that interminable recycling of the months that deludes us into thinking we’re starting over and becoming new people, when really we’re just falling back into the same hopeless hopes of improving ourselves.

You would think we would have learned to stop raising our expectations during this arbitrary time of year only to have them dashed by mid-February, but that’s exactly the kind of behavior that an ignorance of the Void will lead you to keep repeating.

In this otherwise religiouslyoverstuffed part of the Gregorian calendar, this January you ought to start worshipping the Void. It’s dangerous to celebrate a holiday

that’s sponsored by shadowy robber barons who stole it from a bunch of people who worship a plebe who was literally born in a barn (you can’t make this stuff up).

Instead, the Void exists (or does it??) to lower your expectations to the point of irrelevance, so you never have to worry about whether or not life is fundamentally futile (it is).

Think about it: a bunch of capitalist overlords pay their workers just enough per year for them to then spend it all on overpriced gifts that the fat cats of business

Elias Brinkman / Collegian

have produced for them to buy— and they give these gifts to their children, who will grow up to serve in the military that the captains of industry have funded for Comrade Obama in exchange for tax breaks.

Rather than take part in this system unwittingly, it’s better to embrace the futility of life and treat this year exactly the same as the last one.

Merry Christmas!®

8 December 2014

The State-Run Media

the

State-Run media We see you when you’re sleeping.

Weird cousins convene to discuss 2014 holiday season game plan The National Convention of Weird Cousins will be held in Wichita, Kansas this year. It is likely that they will not be invited back.

Joe Watkins

Will Show You His Tattoos Arriving for a two-day holiday summit, the most prominent weird cousins, from families across the nation convened this weekend to lay out their plans for the 2014 Holiday Season.

“First on our agenda will be wardrobe. It’s the first thing your family will see about you, so you have to make sure what you’re wearing is off-putting enough so that they take notice of it without becoming offended. To that end, we’ve chosen to go with an array of sleeveless graphic tees featuring either fantasy artwork or characters from ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas,’” said Weird Cousin Spokesperson Clayton Boudreaux, who prefers to go by “Ace” and would really appreciate

it if you called him that. “This really works out great, since we struck a sponsorship deal with Hot Topic recently.”

“We’re all very excited about this year’s holiday season,” said Carly Blightly outside of a talk titled “Showing Up Drunk: Do’s and Don’ts.” “Many of our most prominent Weird Cousins have made major breakthroughs in making family gatherings uncomfortable.”

Some of the conference’s featured talks included “Leather Trenchcoats and Other Must Haves,” “Getting High in the Back Yard,” “Arguing About Religion With Your Grandparents” and “Introducing Your Pregnant Girlfriend: How Late is Too Late?”

The most widely debated issues at each Weird Cousin Holiday Conference are usually the Dinner Topics. After several hours of private deliberation, the three most senior weird cousins emerge and announce the divisive, almost certainly political topics that they will bring up during family dinners

Graphic by Elias Brinkman

Carl Blightly and Clayton “Ace” Boudreaux in repose after a talk titled “Conspiracy Theories No One Wants to Hear.”

and other social gatherings.

“Last year we went with the legalization of marijuana and the Snowden leaks, with a sort of violent revolutionary tilt to the language we used. This year, given the continuing unrest in Ferguson, most people are sort of

expecting some sort of extreme opinion on law enforcement to be the central focus,” said Sam Hyde, an attendee and Weird Cousin.

“We are committed to ensuring you leave the dinner table wondering what that was all about,” said Boudreaux, ending

his press briefing.

The conference was held in a hotel in downtown Wichita, directly across the street from the hotel hosting this year’s Racist Grandpa Convention and caddycorner to the Highly Judgemental Unmarried Aunt Conference.

Hey kids, here’s a fun game you can play this holiday season. Just look back into your sad, sad childhood and see how many of these terrible gifts you received. The prize for a perfect Bingo is a brief feeling of accomplishment followed by minor depression.

Christmas cards from your estranged father

Graphic by Elias Brinkman

Bill Strickland, who wishes there was something stronger than sparkling apple juice around here.

Drunk uncle solves all of humanity’s problems, passes out

New Atheist ravings

After solving all national and international crises, Bill Strickland vomited and passed out.

Caitlin Woods High-Functioning Alcoholic

An injured Veteran’s Foundation umbrella that your grandparents got in exchange for a donation

Presents as a substitute for love

Graphic by Nikki Hager

This Thanksgiving break many domestic students returned home to face a week of food, drink and, unfortunately, family. The Thanksgiving feast is a time-honored American tradition, often accompanied with heavy drinking—a tradition one family’s uncle was not going to break.

India Gallopavo, a TU student who returned home for the holidays, reported on the drunken revelations of her second uncle, Bill Strickland.

“We should have known we were in for a long night when he showed up at 2 p.m. already buzzed,” recalled Gallopavo. “By the middle of dinner we were all braced for loud, racist outbursts,” she said.

“But, surprisingly enough, Uncle Strickland actually … made

more sense the more he had to drink.”

Strickland is reported to have “found a solution to the energy crisis” and “solved nearly all foreign relations issues” after his sixth and seventh glass of wine, respectively.

“We were really tense when my cousin Jane showed up with her fiancé,” Gallopavo reported. Strickland had yet to bless his daughter’s engagement, and had been prone to violence toward her fiancé in the past. “But after his after-dinner brandy, Uncle Strickland not only blessed the engagement, but also came up with a financial plan for their first three years of marriage.”

“I don’t know what got into my dad,” reported Gallopavo’s cousin Jane, “but it was like the more he had to drink the more thoughtful and understanding he became.”

Around 5 p.m., Strickland finally passed out after revealing his plan to end world hunger and solve all religious conflicts. “It would have been a cute scene,” said Gallopavo, “if my uncle hadn’t thrown up all over the dessert table first.”

8 December 2014

the

The State-Run Media

State-Run media On the front lines in the war on Christmas.

President Upham reveals death ray to cheering crowd

The University celebrated its annual mandatory Night Light, a celebration of the holiday season and the unlimited power of our Most Valiant Leader.

Abigail LaBounty Loyal Subject

It’s that time of year again. On Nov. 18 President and Mrs. Upham once again invited the community to participate in the annual tradition of Night Light at TU, that wonderful tradition of warm drinks and carols to our benevolent leader and his many weapons of mass destruction.

The New U was packed with students Tuesday since, as per usual, attendance was mandatory. Students were sure to be on the U by 5 p.m. and could be heard shouting praises to Upham and about how they “definitely weren’t planning to revolt in any way or ever transfer to ORU” in the direction of the University Ambassadors.

The event started in the usual fashion, with carols sung in unison by all in attendance. The crowd, led by Yolanda Taylor, started out with “Jingle Bells,” the beloved tale of how President Upham allows the University community a lovely day of sledding and “fun” every year. The carols quickly progressed through “Good King Stead” and “Of the Father’s Love Begotten.”

Then, as hot chocolate that defi-

Graphic by Elias Brinkman

A recent art project produced by senior art student Amanda Washington. She received a C for her efforts, as she did not depict the rays of knowledge and benevolence shining upon the faces of the workers from on high.

nitely wasn’t laced with tranquilizers was served and the lights were lit, the moment we’d all been waiting for arrived. Sitting in the dry fountain area under the proud gaze of President Upham was his newest pride and joy, the University Death Ray.

As is tradition, a beautiful golden eagle was brought on stage so that all could ooh and aah at the death ray’s magnificence during a fantastic demonstration.

Freshman Eric Foster, who arrived less than a minute before the start and was the last student in

Frat boys object to use of word “frat” in everyday speech

The word “frat,” when applied to fraternities, can apparently have extremely hurtful consequences for their members.

Abigail LaBounty

Standing Up for the Big Guy

Fraternities are an integral part of campus life. There are 75 national and international fraternities with 397,000 members nationwide. Over 800 college campuses participate in Greek life, 85 percent of Fortune 500 company executives are part of a fraternity, and since the founding of the first social fraternity, every United States President and Vice President has been a part of one.

So it may surprise you to learn that fraternity members are marginalized and oppressed even within their own campus. That’s right, I’m talking about the word “frat.” A word that has been used

“When people hear frat, all they think about is binge drinking and hazing” to degrade fraternity brothers for years and yet is still a common part of modern-day vernacular.

According to Senior Chad Hemmingsworth, “people just don’t understand how hurtful it can be when they use the word frat.

My father, grandfather and great grandfather have all been affected by this hate-filled behaviour, and it’s time it stopped.” Hemmingsworth then re-tucked his polo

attendance was heard afterwards telling his friends how happy he was with President Upham’s mercy and how he’s “totes the best president evs” because of the decision to make this year a golden eagle year. He could be seen shouting this loudly towards the group

of University Ambassadors.

To commemorate the event, students were given a cute clipon blue light for jackets, shirts or backpacks. We can be fairly certain that those lights do not contain trackers or explosives, as that would be redundant.

Top Ten Things 1. Love Love is central to the human experience. Some might even say that it is the meaning of life. The love of family and friends has helped many people through tough times, and finding that special someone can be the highlight of a person’s life. Of course, not everyone has this experience. In fact, many of you reading this will likely die alone. And even if you have found someone for you, there is a solid chance that that person will die someday and leave you as horribly alone as everyone else. So enjoy it while it lasts, and prepare for the crushing sadness that is integral to human life.

2. Revenge There are few feelings more intensely pleasurable than revenge. Whether avenging the death of a loved one in one-on-one combat or ruining a rival business through blackmail, the intense rush of conquering an adversary who has wronged you remains unmatched by any drug. shirt into his pastel pink shorts and continued to polish his BMW. “Yeah, when people hear frat, all they think about is binge drinking and hazing,” chimed in Chris Johnson, as he unloaded kegs of low-point beer from his car. “Really it’s all about leadership and

3. Pizza Pizza is a simple enough food.

Bread, tomato sauce, cheese.

Maybe some herbs. You can put stuff on top, if that’s your thing.

And yet it is so much more than that. Pizza is an experience. Pizza is a way of life. Pizza is the food that comes closest to filling the profound emptiness thrust upon us in this rootless modern world.

4. A Job Well Done In this age of automation and mass production, the craftsman is a nearly extinct animal. It is a feeling few of us will ever experience, this immense satisfaction of completing some task through.

Even our most honored future engineers will likely become cogs in a wage-driven machine that will neither recognize nor appreciate their work. Most English students will never complete their planned novels. lt is unlikely that the reader will complete the

This week, the State Run Media seeks to write a definitive listicle to appeal to as many people as possible and achieve maximum viewership.

Fraser Kastner compiles. really important. Things like crushing your enemies under the heel of your boot, and dancing on the ashes of their greatest accomplishments.

6. Reading the State Run Media Few things are certain in this world. But one thing that is, is the State Run Media. The State Run Media is consistently excellent and the absolute best source for news in the entire world.

7. Admiring the Chief Propagandist If the State Run Media is the best news source in the entire world, the Chief Propagandist is the best person in the entire world. Paying tribute to him in the form of money and outspoken admiration is the closest many of you will ever come to greatness.

5. Victory On the road through life, it is important to remember what is

8. Puppies As horrific news headlines become the norm in life, and one can never be sure whether or not the next day will be one’s last, it sure helps to know that adorable balls of

community service. It’s not fair that we’re constantly being associated with these negative behaviors.”

Throughout history fraternities have been given the short end of the stick because of outdated stereotypes they have done abso-

lutely nothing to earn. It’s time to say enough is enough and show a little respect. With the cooperation of the general population, it is believed that someday the world may be free of the oppression experienced by fraternity brothers.

It’s time to look more critically

happiness exist in the same world we do. They don’t make the night less dark, but they help to distract us from the howling void.

9. Childhood Memories As the responsibilities of adulthood begin to press on our lives, we turn to happier, simpler times. Times when we were ignorant of the troubles of the world. Times when happiness was a dodgeball day in gym class, and a timeout was all we had to fear for our transgressions. Remember Lunchables? And field day at school? Our fond remembrances are marred by the irretrievable nature of the happiness we once knew.

10. President Upham Last but not least, our benevolent ruler. May he live a thousand years, may our children and our children’s children revere his name. May his divine visage shine down upon all of our weary, tired faces, granting hope in a world of darkness. at the way we misrepresent privileged groups in the media and in our everyday speech.

Take the pledge. Stop using the word frat, and make your University a safer, more accepting place, bro.

the Collegian : 16

8 December 2014