February 10th, 2014

a student newspaper of the university of tulsa

february 10, 2014 issue 16 ~ volume 99

Tulsa buses abandon riders Our writers were willing to go to the ends of the Earth to test out the Tulsa public bus system. It’s a shame the bus stood them up. p.6

Nikki Hager / The Collegian

10 february 2014

Sports

the Collegian : 2

Blankenship pleased with speed, physical play of recruits New recruits fill weak spots for the Golden Hurricane in an effort to ensure success as TU transitions into the American next year. Jesse Keipp Staff Writer

Most of the nation’s remaining football recruits signed their letters of intent for college programs across the country on Feb. 5. The Golden Hurricane reeled in a strong class before into its inaugural year in the American Athletic Conference. The Hurricane will face some stiff competition, including former C-USA rival and 2013 Fiesta Bowl champion University of Central Florida. Head coach Bill Blankenship and his staff set out to address two main needs. “We knew we needed to get speed on offense; I think we did that. We got longer, bigger and more physical on the offensive and defensive lines,” Blankenship said. On the offensive line, TU added four recruits, three of whom are projected to play tackle. Mildren Montgomery, Tyler Bowling and Isaac Johnson stand at 6-foot-5, 6-foot6 and 6-foot-7 respectively, with Montgomery boasting an impressive 7-foot wingspan. Chandler Miller, at 6-foot-2 ½ projects to play an interior line position. “The linemen we signed, we are over the moon about. We think that we got the three best linemen out of the state (of Oklahoma),” Blankenship said. On the defensive side of the line, Blankenship and company recruited three interior linemen and one defensive end. Threestar defensive tackle Willie Wright played primarily offense in high school, but looks

to make the switch to the defensive side because of his highly touted tenacity. “We’ve really increased our athleticism across the board at receiver, at running back, at tight end,” Blankenship said. The coaching staff brought in five recruits to fill holes in the receiving corps. The group is highlighted by Kansas product Justin Hobbs. Tragically, Hobbs’ best friend, a teammate at wide receiver, passed away from a stroke during the season. Hobbs honored his friend with a stunning performance after switching from tight end to wide receiver. Because of his short tenure at wide receiver, Hobbs flew under the radar of other schools. Regardless, he towers at 6-foot-4 and runs like a gazelle, with a 4.5 second 40-yard dash. “This guy just exploded. He blossomed incredibly. (He) only played (tight end) for six weeks. In my opinion, he may be the sleeper of this class. He has tremendous upside,” Blankenship said. After playing his senior year at quarterback, Texas product Terrance Ivery will likely return kicks and punts, while playing slot receiver for the Hurricane. Because of his position switch, he, like Hobbs, likely was overlooked by most programs. “(Ivery was) one of the state leaders in Texas returning kicks and punts before his senior season,” Blankenship said. Blankenship reeled in Tavarreon Dickerson, a junior college transfer from Texas, to fill the void left in the backfield. The threestar running back has already enrolled. After a conversation with Dickerson’s high school coach, Blankenship repeated, “(Dickerson) was undoubtedly the best running back (his high school coach has) ever coached.”

Logan Miller / Collegian

Golden Hurricane head coach Bill Blankenship discusses the 23 new members of the Tulsa football team Wednesday in the Case Athletics Complex.

Additionally, having played on a championship-caliber team at Trinity Valley Community College, Dickerson offers a maturity and experience level that most recruits don’t have. Tapping into the fertile Memphis recruiting grounds, TU stole Ramadi Warren, who was named MVP of Tennessee’s Toyota All-Star Game, after a 270-yard rushing performance. Standing at 5-foot-9, Warren runs with a low center of gravity and should be a challenge for opposing tacklers to take down. At tight end, Payton Prince joins the Golden Hurricane from Norman, Okla. At 6-foot-4 and 237-pounds, Prince projects to be freakishly athletic for a tight end. Expect to see Prince running routes between the numbers in the near future. “(Prince) was our most highly rated tight end on the board. The guy can do everything. He is a legitimate catcher,” Blankenship said of his only tight end recruit. The Hurricane sought a winning pedigree with recruit quarterback Jabe Burgess out of Arkansas. Already enrolled at TU, Burgess is the first cousin of current NFL and former Arkansas quarterback Tyler Wilson. Ranked as the fourth-best Arkansas recruit by Rivals.com, Burgess led his team to a 26–1 record as a starter, with a 72-percent completion rate. While the Hurricane addressed its needs of athleticism at the skill positions and size on the lines, perhaps linebacker Petera Wilson will prove to be the gem of the class. Since the Memphis product is loaded with potential, Blankenship could not resist praising the ESPN four-star.

Because of his ferocious pass-rushing skills, Wilson looks to split time between defensive end and linebacker. The ferocious phenom chose TU over Alabama, Florida State, LSU, Ole Miss, Ohio State and others. “(Wilson) will be able to rush the quarterback like Shawn Jackson did, but with a little more speed, a little more quickness,” said Blankenship. While Shawn Jackson had a stellar career at TU, winning the CUSA Defensive Player of the Year award last year, Blankenship believes Wilson may exceed his predecessor. “I think [Petera] is more productive at this point in time than Shawn was...When you see Petera rush the passer, you see what Shawn was doing in his last couple years (of college),” lauded Blankenship. While debuting in the American Athletic Conference will certainly up the competition, the prestige of the AAC nonetheless helped the Hurricane draw some top-notch talent. And though last season’s poor record was expected to hurt recruiting, Blankenship noticed the substantial playing time for freshmen last year helped to draw recruits, hungry to see the field as soon as possible. Ultimately, the Golden Hurricane addressed its needs at its skill positions and lines, while adding depth elsewhere. In a class headlined by quarterback Jabe Burgess and linebacker Petera Wilson, Coach Blankenship looked forward to the future. “I think we really helped our program with the guys we signed … I’m never going to settle for not trying to sign good players,” concluded Blankenship.

eye on the hurricane The Golden Hurricane softball team began the 2014 season in Boca Raton, Fla. by competing in the Florida Atlantic University Kick-Off Classic. The team won the first two games Friday, beating St. John’s 5–1 and Ohio State 1–0. Erica Sampson’s three-run home run and Aimee Creger’s school-record 26th career shutout lifted TU to a 3–0 victory over No. 18 Louisville Saturday. Later Saturday, TU faced the FAU Owls. Neither team allowed a run through seven, but the Owls emerged with a 1–0 victory in eight innings under International Tiebreaker rule. Tulsa rebounded with a 2–1 victory over Northern Illinois the next day.

The men’s basketball team traveled to Louisiana Tech Thursday and Rice Saturday. Louisiana Tech overcame a fivepoint TU lead at halftime to pull-off a 66–61 win. A close game until the end, TU pulled away from Rice with under a minute to go to grab a 66–56 victory. The team returns to the Reynolds Center to face East Carolina at 7:05 p.m. Thursday and then Old Dominion Saturday at 3:05 p.m. The women’s team fell to Old Dominion Wednesday 65–53 in Virginia and then lost to Florida Atlantic in a close game 91–86 at home. It will play Rice Wednesday in the Reynolds Center at 7 p.m. and will play Saturday at Southern Miss.

TU lacrosse begins competition

TU’s newest club team will begin competition against other schools Saturday by hosting Arkansas. Catherine Duininck Staff Writer

The University of Tulsa will host its firstever Lacrosse game on Feb. 15 against the University of Arkansas. The game is scheduled for 11 a.m. on Harwell Field. The TU team practices three days a week for around 1.5–2 hours. There are 20 members on the team and 12 of those played lacrosse in high school. The three captains are freshman Teddy Martin and sophomores Grant Wiseman and Max Boudreaux. “As far as confidence, we really do not know how good we are yet,” Martin said,

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“but we are optimistic and really excited.” This game is the first at TU and the first for the team. The members of the lacrosse team have spent time inviting students to their game and have made it clear they want fans to attend. There is a Facebook group for the event that already has 89 confirmed guests. The Arkansas Razorbacks men’s lacrosse club is an up-and-coming program with 35 team members. The team competes against universities like Oklahoma, Nebraska, Iowa, Missouri and now Tulsa. This will be an exciting first game and a fun event to attend on a Saturday morning. Max Boudreaux is even hosting a Southern Tide event at the game where spectators can sign up for a raffle to win free merchandise or compete for prizes.

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Sports

the Collegian : 3

10 february 2014

Sochi Olympics underway, U.S. wins gold The Americans took home the first gold medal in the Sochi Winter Olympics which began Friday night.

Jesse Keipp Staff Writer

With Friday’s Opening Ceremony, the 2014 Winter Olympics are underway! Well, for the most part. The hotels are hardly livable, as reports streamed in from journalists who checked in. Some of the disgusting highlights include mysteriously yellow water (available if one’s hotel happens to have the luxury of water). Door knobs often fall off upon turning. Packs of stray dogs roam Sochi, even walking into some of the hotels. Feces-stained toilet paper piles up in bathrooms, as the plumbing can’t flush the futuristic wonder of toilet paper. At least you very well may have the comfort of a charming photo of Russian President Vladimir Putin on your nightstand to help you fall asleep. On an unrelated note, Olympic planners also decided that the fifth Olympic ring isn’t all that important for the Opening Ceremony. Someone’s going to be sent to hard labor in Siberia for that one—oy!

Photo courtesy USA Today

Five giant snowflakes hanging from Fisht Stadium in Sochi, Russia were supposed to transform into the Olympic Rings during the Opening Ceremonies. Only four snowflakes transformed into rings unless you were watching on Russian TV which cut to rehearsal footage of the transformation working correctly.

Famous actor Steven Seagal has had a phenomenal career, starring in action movies such as “Under Siege” and “Above the Law.” His work has everyone asking, “How has Steven not won an Oscar yet?!” Beyond his film career, Seagal has put his seventh degree Aikido black belt to use as a reserve deputy sheriff in Louisiana. As such, a Russian news agency considered Seagal enough of a security expert to interview him regarding security at the Sochi Olympics. He may not have been the most qualified, but it’s Steven Seagal. The world’s obese soccer fans are in luck, for at the Brazilian World Cup later this year, there will be seats specially made for fans as round as soccer balls. The seats, as mandated by the Brazilian government, measure at roughly twice the width of regular seats. Those fans who love soccer almost as much as chili-cheese fries will be able to purchase their tickets for half-price. Furthermore, as if to incentivize befriending a rotund person, those purchasing an obese ticket may receive an additional complimentary ticket. If you’re thinking, “Golly gee! I’m going to buy an obese ticket without them knowing that I’m not actually obese!” you’re out of luck. The Brazilian Ministry of Health defines obese as having a Body Mass Index, or BMI, of 30 or higher. But if you’re thinking, “I wonder if I can become obese in time for the World Cup,” you might want to take a long, hard look at your priorities. While watching the Opening Ceremony, I noticed a commercial starring U.S.A. Winter Olympic skeleton racer Noelle PikusPace. While I’m certain that Ms. Pikus-Pace put an extraordinary amount of work and talent into qualifying for the Olympics, how exactly does one discover that they’re an excellent skeleton racer? Because, after her self-discovery of her presumably hidden talent, she’s now making endorsement money from T.D. Ameritrade. This begs the question: do I have the potential to be good enough to qualify for an Olympic sport? A high school friend of mine took up handball after college and has since transferred to Auburn University as a potential member of the 2016 Olympic team. While I’m no Hercules (though I’m close), I have an inkling that I could qualify for the Olympics in some sport. Because of my moderate enjoyment of shuffleboard, maybe I’ll try my hand at curling. Olympic longshot, you say? See you in Pyeongchang!

Graphic by Will Bramlett

Jesse Keipp, now a Genovia citizen, enjoys curling at the 2018 Winter Olympic games in Pyeongchang, South Korea despite placing last.

Kimberly Poff Staff Writer

After much hype and anticipation the Winter Olympics began in Sochi on Thursday. Media attention has been focused on the seaside town of 340,000 for several weeks now as concerns surfaced about security, cost and the readiness of Sochi, Russia and President Vladimir Putin to host these games. As the press arrived in Sochi social media and Twitter in particular began blowing up with the state of unreadiness of hotels in Sochi. Amidst reports of “dangerous face water,” broken door knobs, and hotels without lobbies the twitter handle @SochiProblems has surpassed the official @Sochi2014 in followers. Despite the issues with construction, athletes arrived and began competing Thursday. The men’s and pairs portions of the newly introduced event, team figure skating, were completed as well as the qualifying rounds of the men’s and women’s slopestyle—also a new event—and the women’s moguls. Friday saw the semifinal round of the men’s slopestyle event, but most importantly the opening ceremony. 40,000-seat Fisht Olympic Stadium housed the ceremony, and will host only one other event during these games: the closing ceremony. The opening was a huge spectacle, reminiscent of its Beijing counterpart. A young girl representing the spirit of the country flew around the stadium in a series of dreams taking viewers through first the Russian alphabet and then Russian history. This history was mainly represented using several-story, animatronic, light-up creations suspended on a giant conveyor belt circling the stadium. It was accompanied by thousands of dancers and projections on the floor which set the scene. While the cultural significance of many of the elements of the show were likely lost on foreign spectators, it certainly beat the brute-force patriotism of the Salt Lake Games and the overwhelming kitch of the Atlanta games. In case you missed it, the Atlanta opening ceremony featured cheerleaders, a stomp team, monster trucks, and a marching band. What will be most remembered from the ceremony, and will likely come to symbolize the Sochi games as a whole, was a giant gaffe. Five snowflakes of light floated around the perimeter of the stadium and then came together to expand into the Olympic Rings. However, the final snowflake didn’t open and left the rings looking as if someone had put an asterisk over them. Putin, typically, looked bored and unamused.

Despite that one embarrassing moment, the events themselves have proceeded without issue. Ten of the events over the weekend were for Olympic medals, resulting in 30 medals. Norway leads the current, and historic, Winter Olympic medal count with six medals, followed by the Netherlands, the U.S. and Canada with four each. Russia comes in fifth with three medals. Sage Kotsenburg and Jamie Anderson took gold for Team U.S.A. in the first Olympic men’s and women’s slopestyle competition, respectively. In the men’s event, gold was expected to go to one of two Canadians. One earned a bronze medal and the other finished fifth. The U.S. leads the historic snowboarding medal count with 20 total medals. Switzerland and Canada trail that number with nine and six, respectively. The U.S. took bronze in another new event, team figure skating. In a very individ-

ual sport the team event seems to be looked on by the skaters as a warm-up for their individual competitions. Regardless, America’s power couple Davis and White were unable to pull the US ahead of Russia’s 15-year-old wunderkind Yulia Lipintskaia and her more individually minded team. As of Sunday evening, the most recent U.S. medal came as a bronze for Hannah Kearney in the women’s moguls. She came in after two Canadian sisters, Justine and Chloe Dufour-Lapointe. Kearney won gold back in Vancouver and was noticeably disappointed in her bronze. Afterwards she tweeted, “Bronze feels a lot like a broken heart.” As the Olympics progress, Russia and the U.S. will be head-to-head in the individual figure skating events. Wednesday’s women’s ice hockey match between the U.S. and Canada will be another game to watch as it is a rematch of the 2010 gold medal game.

News and Notes •

Kansas City drew the best broadcast ratings of any city for Super Bowl XLVIII with a 58.1. Tulsa drew a 53.9, the best ratings of any non-NFL city.

•

Super Bowl XLVIII was also the most watched television event in American history, more than 111 million Americans saw the big game.

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When bidding for the Sochi Olympics, ESPN estimated the value of the games to be $400 million less aired live than tape-delayed.

Olympic hockey’s ties to Tulsa With Olympic hockey underway in Sochi, the Collegian takes a look at Tulsa’s history with Olympic hockey. Will Bramlett Sports Editor

The Tulsa Oilers play minor league hockey, but the team once faced some of the game’s best. The Oilers faced the U.S. men’s Olympic team in Tulsa on Oct. 3, 1975 and reportedly won the game 5–3. The Oilers faced the U.S. men’s team again before the 1980 Winter Olympics. Each team in the Central Hockey League played two games against the Olympic team which counted in league standings. The 1980 Olympic team, which went on to win beat shock the Soviets and win Olympic gold, held-off the Oilers 7–4 in the first game and 5–2 in the second game. Five members of the 1980 U.S. men’s ice hockey team went on to play for the Oilers. Rob McLanahan, Bill Baker, Dave Silk,

Collegian archives

The Tulsa Oilers ran two advertisements in the Collegian for the 1975 season including a game vs. the U.S. men’s ice hockey team on Oct. 3, 1975.

Bob Suter, Steve Janaszak combined for 107 games with the Oilers. Norwegian Henrik Odergaard of the Missouri Mavericks is the only CHL player participating in the Sochi Olympics.

U.S. Olympic uniforms a horrible mess: 1984 edition The 2014 Olympic uniforms for Team U.S.A. continue a long-running tradition of ugly Olympic attire.

Fraser Kastner Staff Writer

Nineteen eighty-four. Ronald Reagan was winding down his first term in office. People were listening to George Michael and Frankie Goes to Hollywood. “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo” was somehow in theaters. In Sarajevo, the Winter Olympics were in full swing. What can be said about the year 1984 that cannot be said about that year’s Olympic uniforms? Loud, poorly thought-out, obnoxious and ill-conceived are all suitable adjectives. My first impression of the uniforms was that they look like something Ronald Reagan had designed himself. A white stetson, fleece jacket, blue jeans and a red sweater. And let us not forget the cowboy boots. This is what I picture Reagan wearing as a child, or perhaps as an adult, in his free time. And yet this was not a beloved treasure from Ronald Reagan’s imaginary wardrobe. This is what Team USA, our nation’s representatives, wore in Sarajevo during the Winter Olympics. And it is perfect. There is not a single thing about this uniform that does not scream, “ United States of America, 1984.” Pristine white stetson hat perched upon our head, clearly the good guys. My guess is this choice of attire was very carefully picked. When your host country is socialist, you have no choice but to arrive dressed in the most outlandishly American way possible, even if it makes you look like a quaint vision of an imagined past.

Photo courtesy USA Today

Team U.S.A. marches in the Parade of Nations of the Opening Ceremonies of the 1984 Winter Olympics in Sarajevo, Yugoslavia (present-day Bosnia and Herzegovina).

Activist arrested in Russia An environmental activist will be unable to protest in Sochi following his arrest for reportedly breaking an often unenforced Russian law. Morgan Krueger News Editor

An environmental activist was arrested before leaving for Sochi, the location of this year’s Winter Olympics. His crime was swearing in public. Yevgeny Vitishko was going to present a report about the environmental impact of Sochi, a plan that will have to be postponed until after his 15-day jail sentence. A witness who chose to remain anonymous accused Vitishko of cursing at a bus stop. While Vitishko was booked for petty hooliganism, he denies cursing. He also denies he was even at the bus stop. He was denied his request for the prosecution to produce witnesses. Swearing in public is a crime, but the authorities have been accused of only enforcing it when convenient.

Officials claimed that Vitiskho’s plans to present a report on the environmental impact of Sochi were unrelated to his arrest. A human-rights group, on the other hand, accused Russian authorities of “harassment.” “Vitishko and his friends have been trying to expose environmental violations during the preparation for the Sochi Games. For this they are being punished,” Denis Krivosheev wrote in a public statement. Krivosheeve, who is the Amnesty director in Europe and Central Asia, also accused the authorities of “trying to gag” Vitishko. Vitishko’s report would have provided details on how the Winter Olympics are having a negative environmental impact on the area surrounding Sochi. He was arrested as he was leaving the nearby city of Tuapse on his way to give his report in Sochi. Unfortunately for Vitishko, due to his 15 days in jail he is going to miss a court date where he would have defended himself against a sentence he got for a previous protest. Vitishko will now likely have to serve that three-year jail time sentence, which had previously been suspended.

NEWS

10 february 2014

the Collegian : 4

Network upgrade will increase security On Sep. 10, 2012, the Collegian ran an article drawing attention to potential security problems with TU’s wireless internet network. Following up, we found planned improvements to some of the issues we raised. Oscar Ho Staff Writer

As part of an 18-month plan to upgrade the university’s network beginning this month, University of Tulsa officials will be increasing the security of the school’s wireless network by adding an option for encrypted connections. This decision will alleviate many concerns that some of the university’s computer security experts have been expressing about the possibility of stealing students’ information and pretending to be someone else on the network. TU had an encrypted wireless network until the beginning of the fall 2012 semester, when the option to encrypt was removed. “We just simply aren’t staffed—I’m not suggesting we should be staffed—to help people configure (their devices to the network),” said then-Chief Information Officer Dale Schoenefeld, explaining the decision to remove the encrypted network. Current Chief Information Officer Richard Kearns expressed more optimism about Information Technology’s ability to configure their devices to the network. He cited the improvement in wireless technology, better network documentation and an increased IT staff as reasons that students could more easily learn the network. Kearns also said that the encrypted network will run on brand new infrastructure separate from the unencrypted network. It “will not interact with old Cisco switches that were problematic,” a move that should result in a much better network than the secure one from 2012. The encrypted network will become available to students gradually. As each building’s infrastructure is upgraded, students will be able to access the encrypted

network from that building. The regular unencrypted network is receiving an upgrade too. This will include “the replacement of all out-of-date data switches; the upgrade of the core network routers, switches and firewalls; … and expansion of the wireless network to accommodate expanded use.” Users should expect more security, reliability, and speed from this upgrade. The decision to bring back an encrypted wireless network means that students can again connect to the network without exposing themselves to a number of attacks. In a world where spying and malware are perpetually evolving threats, maintaining network security is a complex task for the Information Technology office. No network is 100% secure, said Michael Haney, a graduate student in computer science. That is certainly true for TU’s wireless network. Several computer science students, including Mr. Haney, shared two major concerns they had about the network. Both revolved around the fact that TUwireless is unencrypted. An unencrypted wireless network is susceptible to eavesdropping. A smart eavesdropper could, in TU’s case, learn enough to commit identity theft just by listening to traffic on TUwireless. Listening in on the network is quite easy. Information can be picked up with any computer or a special antenna. Perhaps the most important information on the network is metadata. Metadata is “information about information,” said Mr. Haney. These tidbits provide clues about other people on the network. For example, a computer sometimes makes its name visible to anyone on the network. This piece of metadata, a computer name, could reveal the computer’s purpose. For example, a computer named “Bob’s laptop” could indicate who owns that computer. A computer named “Fluid Dynamics Lab 1” could indicate the purpose and physical

Staff Writer

TITAN, the University of Tulsa’s Institute of Trauma, Adversity, and INjustice, has sponsored interdisciplinary courses in Ghana in 2011, 2013 and 2014. By sending more students this summer, the group hopes to continue its investment in the TU community in Ghana. To raise funds for the trip, TITAN will screen “The Witches of Gambaga,” a film about Ghanaian witch camps at 7 pm Feb. 13 and 17 at Circle Cinema. Specifically, the group will use “half of the ticket sales … to assist TU students in designing, building, and installing a powergenerating playground at the Maranatha Power School and to begin various projects at the Favour Preparatory School,” in Ghana, according to a press release. The movie shares stories of women condemned to witch camps in northern Ghana. TU student Nikki Hager’s photographs of women and children living in the camps will be on sale during the event. Hand-made Ghanaian jewelry will also

However, this registration is only necessary if a user wants to use TUwireless to explore the internet. As a result, an attacker can listen for metadata without registering his computer with the University, said Haney. If he has a wifi antenna, he can listen. The problem is if someone steals a MAC address and uses it to pretend to be someone else, said Haney. The thief may start to do illegal activity under this disguise. The suspicious web traffic will be linked with the MAC address, which is registered to a law-abiding person, not the thief. It is a form of identity theft where a villain frames an unsuspecting person. This had happened before. Unfortunately, MAC addresses are currently visible as plain text metadata to anyone listening to TU’s network, said Haney. Stealing a MAC address to cover illegal activity can be easily done here.

“A snoop could drive into a TU parking lot and paint a picture of TUwireless”

TITAN invests in Ghana, organizes fundraiser “The Witches of Gambaga” will screen at Circle Cinema, where hand-made Ghanaian jewelry will be sold to raise funds for mosquito nets and schools. Proceeds will also go to wages for the women who make the jewelry. Giselle Willis

location of that computer. Users’ devices are not the only things broadcasting metadata about themselves. Servers, routers, and other hardware on the network infrastructure can similarly be

be for sale at the Circle Cinema. The women who made it will be paid “four times the average daily wage,” and “in addition to helping support schools in Ghana, each piece of jewelry purchased will provide a Ghanaian family with an insecticide-treated mosquito net.” Dr. Joanne Davis, co-director of TITAN and Director of Trauma Research at TU, said it was important to know about witch camps in Ghana because “the witch camps represent another example of trauma and injustice for women and children.” Davis explained that “the women may be accused of witchcraft for any number of reasons, and their fate rests with the manner in which a chicken falls when it dies,” adding that “it is a complicated situation mired in religious beliefs and traditional ways of life.” Davis believes that “there are many instances of injustice around the world that are not widely known about; this is one example.” Additionally, she said the government of Ghana “is currently wrestling with the question of what to do about the witch camps,” but finds it difficult to simply close them because “there is nowhere for the women to go. Most of them face the threat of death if they return to their villages.” Davis and TITAN members hope that “The Witches of Ghana” will help bring attention to the issue.

sniffed. This freely available, unencrypted metadata is a cause for concern. Metadata is important for someone trying to take advantage of the network. A snoop could drive into a TU parking lot, fire up a computer inside the car and listen for metadata that can paint a picture of TUwireless’s users and infrastructure. Using this metadata, our snoop could decide on a target for a hacking operation. TU controls its network by requiring its users to register their devices’ Media Access Control (MAC) addresses with the IT office.

See Security, p. 6

Feb. 4

Feb. 2 14:48 Officers responded to a fire alarm at the 7th St. House. Upon arrival, they determined that steam from a rice pot had set off a smoke detector in the kitchen. There was no evidence of fire or damage and the house was reopened. Feb. 3 8:10 A student reported their vehicle had been struck overnight while parked in a Norman Village Lot by an unknown vehicle. Officers inspected surrounding lots but could not find a vehicle with matching damage. No witnesses have come forward at this time. 11:00 An Officer on patrol observed damage to a parking lot sign at the entrance to a Norman Village Lot off S. Delaware Ave. It is unknown if this damage is related Report Number 105-14. 14:49 An employee’s vehicle was impounded from the Westby Lot by Officers after they observed the vehicle parked in violation and having been previously identified as a frequent violator of the University’s Parking Regulations.

1:50 Officers conducted a welfare check on a student in John Mabee Hall after a concerned employee received text messages from the student. Upon making contact with the student, Officers determined the student was only sending religious quotes to friends. 2:20 Officers responded to an injured employee at the University School. The employee was struck in the chin by a student’s head during a recess activity. Officers escorted the employee to a local clinic for further evaluation. Feb. 5 6:25 An Officer found a pair of sweat pants in the Mabee East Lot. The property will be impounded at Campus Security for safekeeping. 10:30 Officers and Tulsa Fire responded to a fire alarm at the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity. Upon arrival, it was determined that burnt popcorn had activated a smoke alarm. No injuries or damage were reported and the house was reopened.

The Collegian does not produce or edit the Campus Crime Watch except for content and brevity.

United Socialist Republic of Sudoku

Courtesy elversonpuzzle.com

You won’t KGBelieve what we have rationed for you this week. Putin the numbers 1–9. Arrange them in their communal plots. Quit Stalin, there’s work to be done! So Caucas with your friends because the learning curve is Steppe. We know you’re probably Russian to get to class, but if you don’t start now you’ll Brezhnever finish it!

Nikki Hager / Collegian

77 Adjoa, Nojo, Nopu by photographer Nikki Hager, is one image that will be for sale at Thursday’s event.

In the ACAC renovations story last week, the 20 meals per week/650 Dining Dollars/50 Game Day Dollars plan at $2,527 should have been 10 meals per week/650 Dining Dollars/50 Game Day Dollars at $2,527. Sorry about the miscommunication.

NEWS

the Collegian : 5

10 February 2014

Eye on the world: Magdalena Sudibjo

expect he’s out petting a leopard somewhere, probably with his top off,” co-founder James Watt told The Independent.

Staff Writer Asia

Middle East

Japan Mamoru Samuragochi, renowned as a genius musical composer in spite of his deafness, confessed last Wednesday that he did not write many of the musical scores attributed to him during the last two decades. Samuragochi’s ghost-writer Takashi Niigaki said that he had been paid the equivalent of about $69,000 to write for the older composer and accused him of faking his deafness to gain sympathy. During a press conference, Niigaki claimed Samuragochi threatened to commit suicide when the ghost-writer had wanted to confess to the public earlier. The album “Hiroshima,” which had been attributed to Samuragochi, was a best-seller in Japan, and Japanese Olympic figure skater Daisuke Takahashi is scheduled to use the Samuragochi-credited Sonatina for Violin in his short program later this month.

TURKEY The Turkish parliament has adopted a new Internet bill that allows Turkey’s telecommunications authority to block any website without a court order as part of the government’s reaction to the graft scandal that erupted last December. “The new internet law is catastrophic for Turkey,” Özgür Uçkan, a communications professor at Istanbul’s Bilgi University, told The Guardian. “It makes censorship and surveillance legal in Turkey, which is contrary to our constitution and to all international conventions that Turkey is party to.” Supporters of the measure claim that authorities would only block specific content rather than impose bans on whole websites. “In many European countries (the laws) are much harsher,” Communications Minister Lutfu Elvan said. “None of the criticism bears any relation to reality.”

Europe

SYRIA

Russia Last Friday, police in Moscow reported that they were searching for three men who stole two trucks full of Ferrero chocolate worth $375,000 from a factory. According to police, the theft took place on two separate nights in December, but the theft was not announced at the time. A spokesperson said that thefts were not uncommon and would not impact the chocolatier’s regular business.

The Syrian government reached a deal last week to allow the evacuation of civilians from the war-torn city of Homs. People started to leave last Friday, and a total of 611 people had left by Sunday. Homs, Syria’s third-largest city, has been a major battlefield in the rebellion against President Bashar al-Assad, and around 3,000 civilians living under dire conditions are believed to be trapped inside its borders.

SCOTLAND

Africa

BrewDog, a Scottish brewery in Aberdeenshire, sent to Russian President Vladimir Putin a case of its limited edition “Hello, My Name is Vladimir” beer to protest Russian anti-gay laws. The full description on the label reads: “Hello, my name is Vladimir. I am 100 per cent hetero and will pass laws to prove it. Drinking me gives you energy, ignorance and dogmatism required to shoot a deer (with your top off) and pass internationally denounced, discriminatory legislation (top optional) before you’ve even had your caviar breakfast.” “We’ve not heard anything from Mr. Putin, but we

Egypt An Egyptian court of cassation (a type of appeals court responsible for interpreting law) last Thursday ordered the retrial of 21 people sentenced to death for the deadly soccer riot in Port Said two years ago. Seventy-four people died when al-Masri fans stormed the stadium with knives and bottles during a February 2012 match. Besides the 21 people on retrial, in January 2013, 24 people were sentenced to prison and 28 others were acquitted.

Photos courtesy abs.net.au and ctvnews.ca

While the Collegian was unable to find a image of Mr. Putin shirtless while petting a leopard, we hope the above images make up for this lack. Above is Putin shirtless after horseback riding. And below is Putin petting his little “friend” who, minutes later, attacked and injured two journalists. I challenge you to find a manlier despot. That’s right, you can’t.

Rose District provides unique shopping Broken Arrow’s Rose District is home to hidden treasures, including a chocolate shop, a store that sells exclusively madein-Oklahoma merchandise and a Irish-Bistro-bookstore. Nikki Hager Staff Writer

Most University of Tulsa students refuse to take the perilous trek to Broken Arrow. An exhausting 15 minutes away (or a debilitating 25-minute drive in traffic), the faraway land is infamous for megachurches, minivans and soccer moms—the epitome of suburbia. Three TU students, News Editor Morgan Krueger, writer Alyssa Adamson and I, not only made the expedition in sub-freezing temperatures, but managed to find solace in a stretch of shops and restaurants known as the Rose District. Located in downtown Broken Arrow, the Rose District spans several blocks of Main Street from Fortworth to College Street. Last June, the city of Broken Arrow launched a $3.7 million project to revitalize the area. Renovations included new sidewalks, fewer traffic lanes, landscaping and rezoning the area. City councilwoman Jill Norman was instrumental to getting the Rose District project started. She emphasized creating something new and unique for the area, while still honoring the city’s past. “It was not to turn Broken Arrow into a copycat of what other cities across the U.S. are doing but rather capitalize on the unique features, attributes and characteristics we have in Broken Arrow and highlight them to create a gathering place downtown, as it was so many years ago,” Norman said in an interview with the Tulsa World. According the Rose District’s website, early settlers of Broken Arrow sought to beautify the area’s prairie landscapes by adding rose bushes, and travelers began to refer to Broken Arrow as “the City of Roses.”

The first stop on our adventure was 1907, a shop dedicated to selling made-inOklahoma products. The shop was opened six months ago by TU alumna Brie Caywood and her brother. Walking through the door, the first thing I noticed was a faux-grass, Oklahomashaped doormat, and I instantly thought, “I must have this.” As I scanned the shop, I found myself continually experiencing an “I must have this,” reaction to a majority of the products in the store. From beautiful hand-crafted jewelry to pillow covers to funky screen-printed tees, all of the products made in the store were made in Oklahoma, with the exception of the clothing, which is still sourced from within the United States. The Caywoods get much of their merchandise through Made in Oklahoma, an organization that promotes Oklahoma agricultural and craft businesses. The Caywoods also design and craft much of the retail themselves. “When I first came here, there were a lot of baby-bow stores and shops geared to old ladies,” Brie Caywood said. “I wanted to open a shop that was unique to Oklahoma and couldn’t easily be replicated.” The shop is a member of “Keep It Local OK,” which started in 2010 in Oklahoma City and has been spreading throughout the state ever since. It is an incentive program to encourage Oklahomans to shop locally. With the purchase of a 10 dollar “Keep it Local Card,” cardholders enjoy a 10 percent discount at member stores, as well as other discounts and rewards. “A lot of (boutique) stores go to Market in Dallas to purchase their items,” Caywood said, “but if we can’t support Oklahomans why should anyone else? I love Oklahoma, and I think if we could have as much pride as Texans have about their state, it could help Oklahoma grow.” The next stop on our journey was McHuston Booksellers and Irish Bistro— one part used bookstore, one part cafe. The shop offers trade for used books, which

can save an avid reader a lot of money. Books like “A Politically Incorrect Guide to Socialism” and “20,000 Insults” line the shelves, as well a variety of more familiar titles. Perhaps her favorite find of the day, Adamson purchased a three-volume pictorial history set of the city of Tulsa. According to store owner, McHuston, there have only been two of them to come through the bookshop in eight years. We rounded out our trip at Nouveau

Chocolates, which offers a variety of chocolates, teas and other treats. Overall, the trip exceeded my expectations. Broken Arrow is not exactly known for a riveting arts and entertainment scene. 1907 and McHuston are two unique, quality stores that I would highly recommend making the trip to see. Additionally, a wine and cigar shop is slated to open just down the street. I plan to make a trip back to the Rose District when it opens.

Photos courtesy brokenarrow.gov

Just a fifteen-minute drive from Tulsa, the Rose District is filled with charming shops and enjoyable sightseeing.

10 february 2014

the Collegian : 6

Tulsa short on late-night eateries Though Tulsa has few truly 24-hour diners, the Collegian offers a few options for your late-night dining pleasure. Will Bramlett Sports Editor

We all know Tulsa is a relatively small city with a population just shy of 400,000. Naive, I once imagined that such a scrimpy city would measure up to my home town of St. Louis in at least one key area: 24-hour diners. I envisioned legions of diners scattered across the city, all waiting to open their doors to whatever lonely traveller should wander in. But I quickly discovered that latenight Tulsa kinda sucks. However, that does not mean that there is nowhere to grab a bite to eat late at night! National breakfast chains are the most helpful. IHOP is open 24 hours a day, but sadly just dropped the all-you-can-eat pancakes from its menu. The blue-roofed diner still has the best pancakes of the national chains and the sweetest fruit drinks any time of day. Fellow 24 hour chain Denny’s serves some of the more extravagant breakfast items and meal options beginning at $2. Trips to IHOP and Denny’s are a bit out of the way. Denny’s is four miles from campus and IHOP is six. Village Inn, another all-night

breakfast chain, is only two miles from campus on Harvard at 28th Street. The pancakes were small and lacked fluff to improve their so-so taste, but they got the job done. Locally, coffee shops 918 Coffee and The Phoenix Cafe are both open until at least midnight every day of the week. The Phoenix extends its hours of operations until 2 a.m. Friday, Saturday and Sunday. For more information about these and other Tulsa-area coffee shops, check the Dec. 9, 2013 issue of The Collegian, which can be found at TUCollegian.org. The Oklahoma-based chains should not be forgotten. Sonic, based out of Bricktown in Oklahoma City, has locations scattered around Tulsa. America’s Drive-in will be offering a Red Velvet Molten Cake Sundae for Valentine’s Day along with the rest of its already impressive dessert menu, but get there before Sonic closes at midnight. While Oklahoma chains QuikTrip and Reasor’s are not exactly “restaurants,” they do have great deals and provide a wide array of options. QuikTrip is just a hop across Harvard and, unlike most gas stations, its food will not induce vomiting and/or diarrhea. Reasor’s will have excessive amounts of Valentine’s Day treats on sale following the big day, as will CVS, Walgreen’s and Walmart. “One for me, one for me, one

Courtesy Logistics LED

Can’t get to sleep? Need somewhere to hide from your roommate and his girlfriend at 2 a.m.? Just want to eat away your sorrows after spending Valentine’s Day alone? Well, Tulsa doesn’t have much in the way of 24-hour restaurants. It does, however, have a few restaurants that are open into the early hours of the morning.

for me…” Locally, Andolini’s and Joe Mama’s pizzerias will both be open late Friday. Joe Mama’s in downtown is open until 3 a.m. on the weekend and can cater to the daredevil. The Travel Channel show Man vs. Food Nation visited the Tulsa pizza place in 2011 in an episode which one of Tulsa’s bravest takes on the Incinerator Pizza Challenge, consuming an excessively spicy pizza in 60 minutes. Andolini’s, located on Cherry Street, serves more-than-fantastic New York-style pizza. It has by far the best garlic knots I have ever tasted in my life, an appetizer everyone needs to try at least once. You will feel right at home, as TU student Rob Hanigan writes, “The service is spot on. The servers are

From Security, p. 4 Everyone who we consulted said the most effective way to prevent the sniffing of MAC addresses is employment of network encryption. The man-in-the-middle attack is the most significant threat to TUwireless’ security. To perform a man-in-the-middle attack, an attacker fools a user into connecting to a wireless point that he controls. Performing a man-in-the-middle operation can be very rewarding, and at TU, it is nearly undetectable. By listening to someone’s internet activity, the attacker could learn usernames and passwords to email accounts, social media, Amazon.com accounts, and more. Utulsa login credentials may be stolen, giving the attacker access to a victim’s university Gmail, WebAdvisor, Filer and Harvey. It is difficult to detect because the attacker disguises his connection as a legitimate access point to TU wireless. Haney believes there is nothing TU can do to discover a man-in-the-middle. Given the enormous volume of data that flows around TU, “it’s easy to be a needle in a haystack” and avoid detection, he believes. Encryption makes a user’s activity unintelligible and can be

friendly, they know the menu and are willing to help you if you’re overwhelmed by any of the choices.” Down the street and around the corner is Phat Philly’s Cheesesteaks. Even the smallest philly cheesesteak nearly stopped my heart, but I would surely go back for another. Thankfully they are open until from 10 a.m. to 4 a.m. on Friday and Saturday. As a last resort, there are the 24-hour drive-thrus at McDonalds, Taco Bell and Whataburger. Whataburger serves the juiciest, cheesiest, filling and not In-andOut burger I have ever tried or wanted to try. Taco Bell offers TU students a 10 percent discount with student ID and McDonalds has a special deal for Valentine’s Day.

The fast food mega-chain will be selling cheeseburgers on Feb. 14 for 69 cents. Seriously. At least during the Olympics, Oliphant 110 will be open many nights and should have a few treats and drinks. Yes, I will be spending the next two weeks watching the Olympic games in the Collegian office. Following a binge screening of House of Cards season two when it is released in its entirety Friday on Netflix, I will be watching the Olympics all night long beginning with curling at 11 p.m. and concluding with my death caused by a lack of sleep following the USA vs. Russia men’s ice hockey game at 6:30 a.m. Another miracle on ice, anyone?

employed in at least two ways. One is the use of an encrypted network. This is an option that is not currently available to students, but will become available as the network is upgraded. The second method is the use of an encrypted connection to a website (via Secure Socket Layer SSL). It is easy to tell whether you have such a connection. A “https” prefix instead of “http” will appear in the URL. Some browsers even have a little lock or “secure” icon that will pop up. In the digital domain, security and convenience rarely come in the same package. Security requires maintenance. Much like the TSA makes benign people’s lives miserable at the airport in an effort to keep lives safe, security mechanisms in the digital world can cause problems for a legitimate user. The effort necessary to maintain encryption algorithms and firewalls, protect servers, and assist users is significant, said Haney. In contrast, a convenient network would mean easy access to anyone. The price is that such an accessible network would mean few protections from eavesdroppers or anyone seeking to plant malware.

The balance between accessibility and security is tough to find, and no amount of security will eliminate every threat. “There are risks with wireless regardless,” said Haney. Until the encrypted network is available, users seeking maximum safety will need to look for other options. The use of “https” style encrypted websites whenever possible will defeat a man-in-the-middle attack. More privacy will require more elaborate methods, such as a VPN (virtual private network, which relies on an encrypted connection to a special server) or TOR (The Onion Router, which scrambles your identity and your activity). Commenting on the general safety of TU’s wireless network, Haney said, “I don’t think they have any glaring holes.” All the traditional rules apply, he said, including using strong passwords and avoiding suspicious websites and downloads. TU has to compromise between convenience and security. The user’s situation is not any different. “If you want to be 100% secure, unplug your computer,” he observed.

Tulsa Transit neither convenient nor reliable We at the Collegian heard rumors that Tulsa’s bus system was unreliable, and we decided to investigate. Four hours and eight miles later, we can verify the rumors; Tulsa public transit is awful. Will Boogert Amy Bunselmeyer Cute Couple

Riding Tulsa Transit buses is a relatively inexpensive mode of transportation—if you can catch one. The root of the problem is the amount of time between stops that a bus makes at a given stop.

According to timetables on tulsatransit.org, a bus heading towards downtown will stop at 11th and Harvard once every 45 minutes during the week and at intervals of an hour and a half on Saturdays. So if you miss your 7:12 ride to work in the morning, you’ll have to wait until 7:57 for the next bus to come by. That is assuming, of course, that the bus comes at all. TU senior Maria Castaneda takes the bus to work regularly. But when she waited for it Friday morning, it never showed up. “Most of the time, the buses are running late based on the schedule that is provided online,” she said. “There are not many routes and normally you have to take an extremely long route to get somewhere that is close if you drive there.” She called it “overall a bad experience, where it takes two hours roughly to get somewhere.” The writers of this article tried to catch a bus at a stop that was supposed to be at 15th and Evanston on Friday afternoon. We did find a stop there, but it was for a different route going in the oppo-

site direction. After 20 minutes of waiting in the freezing weather for a bus that never came, we decided to give up. This failure could be chalked up to user error in gathering information from the website, because it was no easy task to find out when and where a bus would be stopping. Many of the website’s links are dead, including the “Scheduler” and the “Tulsa Transit Trip Planner.” However, there is a live bus tracker that shows the location of every bus in the city (and a mobile app with the same information), and this was the most useful part of the website for us. One can access a PDF with all of the stop times and locations for each route using this tracker. We also learned that there is a 120-page “Traveler Schedule Book” available online. Additionally, you can purchase your own copy of the guide

for only 50 cents on any city bus, given you can first successfully find a bus stop. On Saturday afternoon, we decided to wait at the 11th and Harvard stop until a bus came. We were pleasantly surprised when one showed up after about ten minutes. After purchasing a day pass, we rode all the way to the main downtown station (located at 4th and Denver). From there we wanted to catch a bus to the Tulsa Aquarium in Jenks, but the next bus wasn’t coming for another hour. We also realized that once at the Aquarium we would have to be there for exactly an hour and a half or exactly three hours to make the return trip. We next wanted to see if we could get to Brookside or the Promenade Mall, but we faced a similarly long wait and the odd time constraints created by the long intervals between return trips. Finally defeated, we caught a bus back up 15th Street and walked from Harvard home to TU. However, the bus system is simply not extensive enough to be a reliable or efficient method of transportation. A

TU employee, who said that they had been riding the bus for the past 20 years, had a similar critique. In their experience, Tulsa Transit serves as a “social service provided for the indigent,” members of work release programs and those with suspended driver’s licenses, as opposed to a public good for the average citizen to casually travel around town. They wished the buses came with more frequency, and that there was a more extensive bus service during the night. In short, the Tulsa Transit bus system is a reliably unreliable transportation choice.

J.Christopher Proctor contributed feebly to this report.

Courtesy Wikimedia Commons

The center of Tulsa’s bus system, the Denver Avenue station downtown, was the first and only stop on our writers’ bus journey through Tulsa. Faced with the decision between going home without seeing Tulsa and waiting hours for a bus, our writers opted to call it a day and not experience any more of Tulsa’s unwieldy transit system.

WE WANT YOU TO IMPROVE TU Dreamers, Americans, Golden Hurricaners! We know you’ve got some harebrained schemes to fix all of TU’s problems, big and small. And we want to hear them!

Next week, we’re doing an issue focused on ways to improve TU, but we can’t do it alone. We need your help! We’ve overheard the complaints you make to your friends about the food at the caf and the inconveniences of parking. We’re full of ideas to fix things, but we know you are too! If we publish your ideas, you’ll get paid real money! Write about your ideas and send them to us. Nothing is too big or too small. Have a detailed schematic on how to retain more freshmen? Think you’ve got the perfect plan to redecorate the dorms? Want to require Hogwarts-style robes? Wish you could take classes in Klingon? Have ideas to improve the Collegian? We want to publish those too!

Send your ideas to us before this Saturday:

collegian@utulsa.edu

And as always, feel free to join us every Monday at 5 p.m. in Oliphant 110 for our weekly meeting!

variety

10 February 2014

the Collegian: 8

Build your own gaming PC! Looking to build your own gaming PC? Consider these components required for the challenge. Elliot Bauman Staff Writer

While consoles such as the PlayStation 4 and Xbox One certainly maintain the spotlight when it comes to gaming, the personal computer is a very viable alternative. Although it is true that a PC will require a greater financial investment than simply purchasing a PlayStation or Xbox, the resulting device retains an enormous amount of versatility. Sure, users can watch TV on the Xbox One or stream movies through Netflix on the PlayStation 4, but a PC can do both of those, and much more. Another favorable advantage for PC gaming is the fact there is no required subscription fee to access online content. This is not the case with traditional consoles, as both the Xbox One and PlayStation 4 require a membership to either Xbox LIVE or PlayStation Plus in order to play games online. Thankfully, some of the cost of buying a top-tier gaming PC can be alleviated by building one, as opposed to purchasing one prebuilt or pre-assembled by a manufacturer. For those looking to tackle this endeavor, consider these important components required to build a quality gaming PC. 1. CPU The CPU, or central processing unit, is essentially the brain of the computer. This component is responsible for carrying out instructions that govern the functionality of the PC. Today, most CPUs are manufactured by either Intel or AMD, and it seems clear that Intel has the advantage. CPUs come with a core count (usually two, four or six), and a locked or unlocked rated clock speed, in GHz. In both cases, generally speaking, the higher the core count and clock speed, the better. If the CPU is unlocked, then the rated clock speed can be increased by a process known as “overclocking,” but this requires additional cooling. When it comes to gaming, or PC use in general, it is important to have a quality CPU. Intel’s “i5” series offers great performance

for price, with the i5-4670 being a particularly good model. The unlocked version, the i5-4670k, is a great alternative for users that would like to explore overclocking. 2. Motherboard As its name implies, the motherboard is a printed circuit board that all other components in the PC connect to. Unlike CPUs and other required parts, performance is fairly consistent across most motherboard types and manufacturers, and thus the focus shifts to size and features. Builders need to be sure that their selected motherboard will properly fit inside the PC case and be compatible with their CPU socket type. This information is easily found online. Other features to look for include number of ports and memory slots, SATA connectors and good manufacturer warranty programs. 3. GPU Also referred to as a video card, the graphics processing unit renders and displays images onto the screen. While not critical for typical PC use, when it comes to gaming, video editing and 3D modeling, the GPU is arguably the single most important component, and it is where builders should focus their financial resources. Contemporary GPU manufactures use technology from either Nvidia’s GTX series or AMD’s Radeon line, and both are equally capable. Like CPUs, graphics processing units have rated clock speeds, and the faster the clock speed, the more powerful a GPU will be. Another important consideration is the amount of memory, or VRAM, a video card has. Once again, more memory is better. GPUs range from $100 to more than $1000, so the build budget will determine what video card is selected. That said, it is worth skimping on other components to afford a stronger GPU. EVGA’s GTX 770 offers great performance for the price and will handle most applications very well. 4. Memory There is not much to say regarding how much memory, or RAM, a PC has. The more RAM a computer has, the more tasks it can handle at once. Eight GB is standard, and

four GB is the safe minimum. Enthusiasts or builders with some spare cash may want to upgrade to 16 GB or 32 GB of RAM, but eight GB is more than sufficient. 5. Storage When it comes to data storage, there are two options. The traditional method is through the use of a mechanical hard drive. The other alternative is through the use of a solid state drive, or SSD. SSD’s are faster and quieter than their mechanical counterparts, but are more expensive. Both types of storage can get the job done, and the selection between the two depends on budget. 6. Power Supply The power supply of a PC is fairly self-explanatory; it simply provides power to the motherboard, and thus all other components. Builders need to ensure that their selected power supply will be able to satisfy the Wattage requirement of all other PC components. It also is worthwhile to look for an efficient power supply, in order to save on electricity costs. 7. Cooling As all of these components consume energy, they dissipate some of it as heat, and as a result, the inside of a PC can get very toasty. This is where cooling comes into consideration. The convention is to use fans, but the option to use liquid cooling is now available, which is nowhere near as dangerous as it sounds. Unless builders plan to overclock their CPU, traditional fans will sufficiently cool the PC. 8. Case Another fairly unexciting category, the case does what one would expect—it holds all of the components in place. There are hundreds of options for cases, depending on size, color and other aesthetic properties. Many cases come with fans pre-installed, so a good selection can take care of cooling as well. 9. Peripherals Things such as a mouse, a keyboard and a monitor top off the remaining requirements for building a PC. There are literally thousands of options to choose from, so it comes down to builder preference and budget.

Olympic vodkas go for gold results in something ultimately silly and undesirable.

In celebration of Olympic season, we raise our glasses in honor of Russia’s classic drink, vodka. Planning an Olympic watch-party? Look no further than these vodkas. Kimberly Poff Staff Writer

In honor of the beginning of Olympic season, this week’s libation-centered review features the classic Russian liquor: vodka. As fate would have it, vodka is very similar to Olympic sports: not to be imbibed alone. Typically, most people do not watch Olympic sports (such as swimming or skiing) outside of the actual Olympics. At the same time, most people do not consume vodka straight from the bottle— especially the college crowd. This is probably for the best, as the vodka college students can afford should not be had without a good deal of mixer to mask the pungent odor and terrible flavor. In the spirit of the noble Olympics, we did not rank the eight sampled vodkas, but instead likened them to the athletic events that will grace our televisions throughout February. 1. New Amsterdam Citron Drinking this vodka is exactly like smelling citrus-laced hand sanitizer. It tastes like rubbing alcohol, and the citrus flavor comes only as a bitter aftertaste. Like Nordic Combined, the marriage of crosscountry skiing and ski jumping, this mixture of two decent flavors

2. New Amsterdam Red Berry This vodka is exactly like watereddown, alcoholic cough syrup and hockey—both are over-aggressive. This vodka punches you in the face with the berry flavor, while it slapshots you in the throat with the alcoholic burn. 3. New Amsterdam Peach Much like figure skating, this vodka is pretty much what you would expect. It tastes like peach vodka. Figure skating has jumps, spins and shiny costumes. It is fun to watch, just like this vodka is fun to drink. The New Amsterdam Peach Vodka pairs well with orange juice. 4. Smirnoff Triple Distilled This “Russian” vodka (which is actually owned by a British company) is much like the Sochi Olympics: a little bit of a failure. It smells like rubbing alcohol—enough to cause one to cough—and is very watery. Drinking this vodka is like watching curling; it’s not that great, but it is better than those non-Olympic sports, or Burnett’s, and everyone still knows what it is. 5. Smirnoff Wild Honey Drama is the essence of this vod-

ka. Like Ice Dancing, its flavors are over-the-top and in-your-face. It smells like a Bath and Body Works candle, and tastes as if it were nothing other than honey. Again, the vodka is anything but smooth, however, the excess of sugar overwhelms the flavor. Seriously, this could be put in tea or lemonade. And, like Ice Dancing, the Smirnoff Wild Honey is overdramatic, yet fun. 6. Skyy The snowboarding of vodkas. It is fun and, more importantly, it actually tastes good. You could party pretty hard with Skyy. Unfortunately, it still has a little bit of the rubbing alcohol smell; however, it does not linger after a few drinks.

7. Crystal Head Bottled in a glass skull, this vodka is Skeleton, for obvious reasons. Crystal Head is smooth, tastes good and does not smell like rubbing alcohol— a great selling point for a vodka. You might not even want to mix it, but instead drink it in a vodka martini. 8. Grey Goose This was the most disappointing vodka of the lot—like the Biathlon. Anything involving guns should be exciting, but Grey Goose lacks flavor and has a harsh burn. However, it still tastes better than the Smirnoff Triple Distilled, but not by much.

By Anna Bennett

Signs You Might Be a Senior

If this applies to you, then I know you won’t want to talk about it. But a big part of growing up is putting on a pair of pants and facing reality. If you’ve been so immersed in classes, parties, romance, substance abuse and existential crises that you may not remember that you are a senior, here are the signs that your time of reckoning is coming. 1. Selected Dyslexia. “Required” begins to look exactly like “optional” on paper.

anything about it.

5. The Pajama Game. You progressively start replacing articles of clothing with their sleepwear counterparts when going to class. Sweatpants are first. A bathrobe is the final step. 6. Uncontrollable and unprovoked crying. 7. Your filter needs replacing. You may find yourself swearing or talking about masturbation with a professor within earshot.

2. All the scary grownups are asking you what you’re planning to “do” with your degree— besides get it—which is all you ever planned on.

8. Several of your classmates and professors keep bothering you about this mysterious “project” you’re apparently responsible for.

3. Morning deafness. Many days, you may literally not hear your alarm going off.

9. You judge a piece of furniture on a scale of how quickly you could fall asleep on it.

4. Morning coma. You hear your alarm go off, and it continues to go off for perhaps an hour and a half, but you are physically unable to do

10. When you try to conceptualize the “future,” you find yourself staring into a great wide void of terror and nothingness.

By Helen Patterson Looking for a Valentine’s Day outing? Need to escape from classes and the frigid outdoors? Check out some of these exciting local events! This Week: 1. TITAN (The University of Tulsa Institute of Trauma, Adversity and Injustice) is screening “The Witches of Gambaga” at the Circle Cinema on Feb. 13 and Feb. 17 at 7 p.m. 2. Tulsa Ballet’s “Cinderella” plays at the Tulsa Performing Arts Center (Chapman Music Hall) on Feb. 14 and 15 at 8 p.m., a great way to bring classy romance to your Valentine’s Day plans. 3. Located on Brady Street, Living Arts of Tulsa is featuring “Love and Lust,” an erotic audio-visual poetry, dance and singing production Feb. 15 at 8 p.m. 4. “A Streetcar Named Desire” is also playing at the Tulsa Performing Arts Center (John H. Williams Theatre) on Feb. 14 and 15 and Feb. 20–22 at 7:30 p.m. 5. SMOG City Tour featuring 12th Planet hits Cain’s Ballroom on Feb. 16 at 7 p.m. 6. Ido Aharoni, the

Israeli ambassador and consul general of Israel in New York, will be presenting a lecture, “Israel: Broadening the Conversation” on campus at Tyrrell Hall, Feb. 17 at 2 p.m. Upcoming: 1. Fan of dubstep? Check out Excision featuring Dirtyphonics and ill.Gates at Cain’s Ballroom Feb. 19 at 7:30 p.m. Doors open at 7 p.m. 2. The Annual Bela Rozsa Composition Competition and Concert will be held on campus at the Lorton Performance Center Feb. 20 at 7:30 p.m. 3. If jazz is more your style, TU Jazz Happy Hour is Feb. 20 from 5–8 p.m. at the Zarrow Center. This is a FREE monthly event, held every third Thursday and features TU students. Come down, have a glass of wine and unwind. 4. Rock musician Jonny Lang is performing at River Spirit Casino on Feb. 21 at 7 p.m. Gamble responsibly. 5. If you missed them on campus in Spring 2013, alternative rockers Imagine Dragons return to the BOK Center Feb. 22 at 7 p.m.

the Collegian : 9

10 February 2014

Welcome to The Barricade, a section attempting to provide informed, thoughtful analysis of both large and small-scale political issues: all the information you need to take down a tyrannical government.

Okla. trains face trouble

Okla. is behind the times in terms of passenger rail service. A route between OKC and Tulsa would help.

Kimberly Poff Staff Writer

Traveling by rail is a uniquely relaxing experience. It avoids the traffic of the highways and the hassle of security at the airport. It is more reliable than buses. In the U.S., however, it is still fraught with issues. Traveling by rail is about as expensive as flying but takes significantly longer. If the train is a direct route it takes nearly the same length of time as driving. However, it requires transportation to and from the train station and is significantly more expensive. This is, of course, assuming one has access to train routes. While the coasts of the country have been well linked by rail for quite some time, it is presently impossible to reach Tulsa by passenger rail. The Oklahoma Department of Transportation has a pilot program under the name of the Sooner Sub which partly integrates Tulsa into the rest of the national rail system. The line runs from Del City outside of Oklahoma City to Sapulpa. From Oklahoma City one can connect to Dallas and San Antonio. The Sooner Sub, however, only occasionally operates passenger trips. Otherwise travelers are relegated to the highways via car or Greyhound.

Recently the ODOT opened bidding for the Sooner Sub rail line. Four companies, BNSF Railway Co., Watco Cos., Iowa Pacific Holdings and Fortress Inc. have submitted bids for the 97.5 miles of rail. Many students may be confused about the lack of rail access to Tulsa. What then, are all of the rail tracks for? The trains presently seen in Tulsa, as well as most of those across the country, are freight rail. According to the Bureau of Transportation Statistics in the Research and Innovative Technology Administration 1.9 billion tons of freight were shipped by rail in 2002. For comparison 9.2 billion tons were shipped via trucks and 10 million by air. In point of fact, rail freight is a vastly more efficient way to transport freight. Trucks are still needed at the end of the route for ultimate delivery, but diesel locomotives use only 2.1 gallons per thousand ton-miles (1 ton of goods transported 1000 miles) whereas class eight trucks (the biggest ones) use 6.5, according to the U.S. Department of Energy. The difference in total tonnage transported is a result of fuel and construction subsidies granted by the federal government. When using railways to ship their freight, companies are in part paying for the cost of rail maintenance. Highway shipping is then cheaper because of the large interest governments have in maintaining highways. Freight rail is a booming business, unlike its passenger counterpart. Most passenger rails in the U.S. are run by Amtrak. In Fiscal Year

2014 Amtrak asked the federal government for $2.6 billion to shore up its

operating expenses, although rail tickets run about the same cost as airfare. If the state sells the Sooner Sub line it would be privately managed, and fees would be expected to cover the cost of running the line. The state does, however, reserve the right not to sell the line. Either way, there is no guarantee that such a line would be profitable no matter who runs it. Tulsa residents can keep up with Sooner Sub developments via the Tulsa-Oklahoma City Corridor Investment Plan website.

Barricade of the Week: Rio de Janeiro

Photo courtesy of Washington Post

Protests have been occuring in Rio de Janeiro since May of last year over rising transit and commodity prices. That the country is hosting the ensuing World Cup in June of this year and the Olympics in 2016 only complicates matters. These price hikes and the government’s refusal to compromise on the economic hardships of hosting the World Cup and Olympics are seen by many Brazilians as evidence of a corrupt government pushing the people out of politics.

Economic forces drive Rio protests

Protests in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, are tied to economic tensions in the country caused by rising prices. Nikki Hager

Staff Writer

Brazil is receiving a lot of global attention recently as the host for several major sporting events— the 2014 FIFA World Cup and the 2016 Rio Olympics. In addition to the major infrastructural challenges the events present, there is also major pushback and large-scale protests against heavy government spending on the games. On Thursday of last week, hundreds of people protesting high transit prices clashed with police. Police fired tear gas to break up the crowds, and protesters threw petrol bombs. Seven people were injured, and over 20 were arrested. This was not an isolated incident. Protests have been occurring periodically throughout the country since the Brazilian government announced a nine percent increase in bus fares last May. Over 15,000 protesters gathered during the Confederations Cup in June and were met with a similar police response to last week’s incident. While the protesters openly call for free public transportation and more government transparency, there are other economic forces at play. Brazil has a history of inflation problems, beginning in the 1950’s. Inflation, or increasing prices and the decreasing purchasing power of money, reached its peak in the 1990’s when Brazil experienced hyperinflation. A single product’s price could double in a month— something that started out costing $1 could cost as much as $1,000 by the end of the year. At its peak in 1990 prices rose around 1600 percent that year. Brazil tried a slew of unorthodox policies to combat inflation, including price freezes, new cur-

rencies and extreme asset management regulation. In 1994, the government enacted The Plan Real, monetary policy that pegged the value of the Brazilian currency to the value of the dollar, which eventually reduced inflation and led to years of economic growth. Today, it looks like Brazil’s inflation problem might be back. During the recent economic downturn experienced by the United States and other developed nations, world leaders and economists hoped that economic development in emerging markets like Brazil would pull the rest of the world out of recession. Uncertainty in rich countries made investing in emerging markets relatively less risky, leading developing countries to experience significant growth for several years. However, following several years of recovery, that uncertainty has decreased. Investment in rich countries has shifted demand back out of emerging markets, slowing down developing countries’ economies, including Brazil’s, and leading to economic problems. In 2013, inflation was near six percent, right around the government’s goal. However, the government took extreme measures to keep it as low as possible, including reducing electricity prices and cutting taxes, but it is unclear how long the government can continue to do this. The projection for inflation in 2014 is over 10 percent. The recent increase in prices has disproportionately increased the cost of food and other commodities, and is often referred to as “the tomato crisis” because tomatoes have become so expensive that they are no longer affordable to most Brazilians. Increasing inflation, leading to higher commodity prices, like tomatoes and public transportation, disproportionately affect the poor. People are no longer able to buy food or get to where they need to go, which has lead to protests and rioting, especially when the estimates put government spending for World Cup preparations at around $14.5 billion in addition to the $14.5 billion budgeted for the Rio games.

Commentary

10 February 2014

the Collegian : 10

TU should have Nerf rather than nothin’ Nerf guns offer a valid form of relaxation, so it is ridiculous that school policy bans them, as if they were actual weapons. Abigail LaBounty Staff Writer

Believe it or not, the University of Tulsa has a written policy specifically prohibiting nerf guns. In listing the types of weapons that are not allowed on campus, TU’s Guide to Campus Living includes “toy guns, BB guns, nerf guns, paintball guns, potato guns and air rifles.” It’s easy to agree with a rule trying to keep guns off of campus, even some forms

As a speech-language pathology major, I am constantly exposed to the science behind everything related to speech and hearing. When I signed up to take a class on language development in children who are deaf and hard of hearing, I thought I was feeding a budding interest in studying how language develops. Instead, it led me to a three-semester independent study on outcomes in deaf education and a soon-to-be-published article on the same topic. Getting involved in the deaf education program at TU changed my life. That may sound cliché, but it’s the truth. My freshman year, I met a deaf education major who constantly told me that the speech-language pathology majors in her class did not understand or respect deaf education as a field. She kept telling me that they took the scientific side of any and every debate in class, and explained how much that frustrated her. At the time, I did not understand what she meant. After joining what she clearly saw as the dark side, I, too, fulfilled that stereotype. I took an American Sign Language class, and had the nerve to give a speech advocating for cochlear implants to a professor who had been deaf since birth. When she was angry instead of impressed, I was confused. Once I took Dr. Baker’s class on language development, I began to understand why my professor had become so heated by that topic. The course opened my eyes to the fact that the deaf community is constantly fighting to gain respect in so many areas, including a topic more specific to my interests— education. I learned how there is a divide between oral deaf education and using ASL. My eyes were opened to a community that strives to be included while maintaining its identity, but constantly faces a society that does consider its culture legitimate. But the biggest thing I took away was that

of play guns. BB guns hurt, paintball guns can cause property damage and air rifles look a bit too much like real guns for comfort. But do Nerf guns really fit here? Nerf guns are fun, don’t hurt, cause no property damage and look nothing like real guns. Higher education is stressful. Most students have homework every night, quizzes at least once a week and tests a couple of times a month. A significant portion of the student population work on the side of classes, leaving them even less time to stay on top of class work. With all this to worry about, having fun is important. Students de-stress in a multitude of different ways; hanging out with friends, watching movies, playing video games, exercising and playing sports are all fun ways that students take their minds off classwork. Last semester around finals time, a large group of TU students organized a game of “assassins,” a contest where students run around poking each other with spoons until only one person remains un-poked. With

we were doing a disservice to children who are deaf and hard of hearing by not having systems in place to support them and their individual needs throughout their education. The deaf education department at TU showed me I had passion for something I’d never even thought about before. I went from wanting to be an audiologist who would help kids get cochlear implants and hearing aids to wanting to be a speech-language pathologist who helps to bridge the gap between pathology, audiology and the deaf community. I was fortunate enough to discover this passion and to be able to pursue research in this field. I am currently working to make my research useful to the National Association of the Deaf, and I hope that helps to open the door to a future relationship with that organization. An article based on my research titled “The Downfalls of Accountability and the Importance of Outcome Data” is scheduled to be published in the winter issue of The Endeavor, the American Society for Deaf Children’s quarterly magazine. This may sound big-headed, but TU’s deaf education department showed me that an individual can make a positive impact in the world, and that I could be one such difference-maker. I couldn’t have asked for a better place to nurture my budding interests and to learn so much about a community to which I previously had no connection. Sincerely, Elizabeth Cohen Elizabeth Cohen is the business manager for The Collegian. This piece originally appeared in another form on the TU Deaf Education department blog.

Graphic by Nikki Hager

Does this image look bizarre to you? It should. Not only is the soldier not using his gun strap, his gun is Nerf.

this broad assortment of extra-curricular activities, why not let students shoot each other with foam darts? It seems that all of the arguments against allowing Nerf guns on campus center around their resemblance to real guns. If there’s a huge Nerf gun battle in an open space or building on campus, and security sees someone skulking around a building with a Nerf gun, how are they to know that the student in question doesn’t have a real gun? Or what if a student hears about a Nerf battle on campus and decides to bring a real gun to the event? For one, Nerf guns look nothing like real guns. They’re brightly painted, bulky and made of shiny plastic. Of course, someone could always paint a Nerf gun black, but even then they’re fairly easy to distinguish from real guns and there could be rules in place to prevent this.

Secondly, the dangers of a student bringing a real gun to a Nerf battle are no higher than those of a student bringing a gun to any other event on campus. The implications of such an action are scary but no scarier than if the same thing were to occur at a sport event. Nerf guns are just fun. There’s something particularly satisfying about running around shooting your friends with foam darts while they shoot you back until everyone runs out of ammo and scrambles around to pick up fallen pieces and start the whole thing over again. Even if a random bystander were to get hit with a wayward dart, they’re more likely to want to join in than be upset. There are ways to misuse Nerf guns, but that could also be said of baseballs, skateboards and staplers. There is no strong reason not to allow Nerf guns on campus.

justify your major: english We’ve all been in that conversation. An engineering major complains that liberal arts majors are not putting in “real work,” or a liberal arts major assumes that a business or engineering student must be in it for the money. By no means do these views represent all or even the majority of the University of Tulsa’s student body, but they are present and painfully visible. It is for this reason that I am introducing the Justify Your Major column, a chance to show the student body why you love your major. If you want to justify your major, e-mail me at patrick-creedon@utulsa.edu. - Patrick Creedon, Editor of the Barricade and Commentary Editor

Alex White Web Editor

Why am I studying English literature? I honestly never felt like I had any choice in the matter. I was a wide-eyed elementary student gawking at the larger-than-life trailers for Lord of the Rings when the decision to major in literature was made. I was determined to see those movies, even if it meant plowing through the thousand-plus pages of Tolkien’s magnum opus­—the task stipulated by my mother as a condition I had to fulfill before feasting my eyes on Jackson’s films. After finishing “The Fellowship,” I was hooked on the written word for life. There were other distractions along the way; I dabbled in guitar one year, tennis for another, and even became fascinated by cinematography for a phase, but throughout all these endeavors one thing remained consistent— literature and writing. There were, of course, all sorts of mental gymnastics that had to be performed before reaching the conclusion that this was the path for me. Along the way, there were those who barked in my ear about dentistry and money and “You’re gonna work for minimum wage all your life!” These kinds of concerns weighed on me for a time, and

The Collegian is the independent student newspaper of the University of Tulsa. It is distributed Mondays during the fall and spring semesters except during holidays and final exam weeks. The University of Tulsa does not discriminate on the basis of personal status or group characteristics including but not limited to the classes protected under federal and state law in its programs, services, aids, or benefits. Inquiries regarding implementation of this policy may be addressed to the Office of Human Resources, 800 South Tucker Drive, Tulsa, Oklahoma 74104-9700, 918-631-2616. Requests for accommodation of disabilities may be addressed to the University’s 504 Coordinator, Dr. Tawny Taylor, 918-631-3814. To ensure availability of an interpreter, five to seven days notice is needed; 48 hours is recommended for all other accommodations. Advertising Policy: Advertising appearing in this publication does not imply approval or endorsement by the University of Tulsa or The Collegian for the products or services advertised. For advertising information, email The Collegian at collegian@utulsa.edu or elizabeth-cohen@utulsa.edu. The deadline for advertising is 12 p.m. on the Friday prior to the publication. Editing Policy: The Collegian reserves the right to edit all copy submitted by all writers. This editing may take place in many forms, including grammar corrections, changes in paragraph structure or even the addition or removal of sections of content. Editorial Policy: Columnists are solely responsible for the content of their columns. Opinions expressed in columns may not represent the opinions of the entire Collegian staff, the administrative policies of the University of Tulsa, the views of the student body or our advertisers. Letter Policy: Letters to the editor must be less than 500 words. While we do not require it, letters sent via e-mail to the Collegian are encouraged. Under no circumstances will anonymous letters be published. The name of the person submitting the letter must be published with the letter. We reserve the right to edit or reject all letters. The deadline for letters is 5 p.m. on the Saturday prior to publication.

I tried to convince myself I was something I wasn’t. My self-doubt was always centered on the misconception that it was the uncontrollable factors of talent and luck that equated to success in the incredibly competitive fields of writing, publishing and academia. But success is defined much more by drive, hard work and a willingness to give it a shot than anything else. When I adopted this perspective I found the confidence to pursue what I’d always known was the only thing that would bring me satisfaction in my career. So yes, while I’m slaving away at a lowpaying internship for an independent publisher in New York City after I graduate college, you’ll probably be making four times as much as me working for some oil company in Texas. But I don’t care, because I’m just thankful that I live in a society where you can make any living at all doing something as recreational as reading, writing, editing and generally contributing to the production of an art form that is so vital to humanity’s ability to express and relate. Literature is at once an escape from reality and a gateway to understanding the nature of others’ reality. It develops critical thinking skills essential to a myriad of professions, and it provokes the mind to introspection and eventually self-improvement. Writing, in the broader sense, is the medium through which we communicate and absorb information. Millions of people like myself pursue it as an art form and as an avenue for release. It is a beautiful and useful activity that will bring me and untold others enjoyment from the moment they discover that one book. editor-in-chief—J.Christopher Proctor managing editor—Conor Fellin news editor—Morgan Krueger sports editor—Will Bramlett variety editor—Stephanie Hice

editor of the barricade—Patrick Creedon satire editor—Anna Bennett photo & graphics editor—Jill Graves copy editors—Will Boogert, Amy Bunselmeyer, Kalen Petersen business & advertising manager—Liz Cohen distribution manager—Kalen Petersen web manager—Alex White

The Collegian : 11

10 February 2014

u d e . a s l u t u . k n i l e can

Selection Starts Friday

♼

For more information, visit canelink.utulsa.edu or call the housing office at 918-631-2516.

10 February 2014

the

The State-Run Media

State-Run media The facts belong to the readers.

TU freshman with van superior to Tulsa Transit

Tulsa Transit has yet to comment on the success of its new competitor. Conor Fellin

Hopping on the Vanwagon

Graphic by Anna Bennett

The electrical engineering school has found itself beseiged by hardocore PE Captain Cane fans and their feeling of “ownership” over the mascot.

Bitter controversy sparked within Capt. ’Cane fandom Shock, anger fills Captain ’Cane fanbase when the beloved character’s creator second guesses his own decisions. Patrick Creedon Fan Boy

In a candid interview last week, H.A. Chapman, creator of beloved University of Tulsa mascot Captain ’Cane, told the State-Run Media some of his regrets concerning that character. “I think the biggest mistake I ever made as creator of Captain ’Cane was making Colin Cane a student of petroleum engineering. It was baseless pandering to a department that doesn’t need further reminder of its hegemony over the university.” When asked what Colin Cane should have been, Chapman nearly yelled, “He should have been an electrical engineering major because that’s what makes the most damn sense! Electricity, lightning, hurricanes. It’s obvious!” When looking for reactions to the announcement, reporters did not have to look further than Fisher South’s lobby, where some freshmen were screeching about how angry Chapman’s interview had made them. English literature major Connie Plane declared, “Knowing that H.A. wishes he could change Colin Cane’s major is exactly the

same as H.A. actually changing his major, and that completely ruins my ability to enjoy his stormsummoning powers and super cheering.” Famed writer John Green has been seen plastering posters bearing the words, “Mascots belong to their fans!” around campus, but they have been noticeably thicker around Rayzor where they block almost all light from entering the windows on the first floor. Green gave a talk in Zink Hall last week, during which he told this reporter that after he publishes something, “they (the works) feel very finished to me. It’s not my job to talk about my intentions with a piece when that might ruin a consumer’s fetishization of my work.” During that interview, another person outside of Zink, who professed to be something called a “nerdfighter” screamed at this reporter through a window, “Yeah, pieces of art aren’t allowed to change or get better or anything. Sure, Apple or Windows releases new updates to fix mistakes, but you don’t see someone repainting the Sistine Chapel to make it better!” Incidentally, this random bystander was wearing a shirt that bore the phrase “#PetEng4Lyfe!”, which he said were being sold inside Stephenson. The jury is out on whether the campus’s ’Caners will react badly to Chapman’s confession that Huffy the Hurricane should not have adopted Tornado Girl.

Freshman Moe Bial has attracted city-wide attention by using his family’s 1999 kelp-colored Dodge Ram to create a downtown transportation system that is widely considered better than Tulsa public transit. Bial reminisced to reporters about how he first transported people downtown at the end of orientation week, when his roommate, Al Knight, woke him up at 2 a.m. to demand a ride to a gaming store for a Magic run. “I was pretty dazed, but I remember him saying something about how public transit didn’t go near the store and the perfect deck couldn’t wait,” Bial puzzled. “I figured I didn’t want to get our relationship off to a bad start, so I took him.” Bial began charging money

when Kight’s other Magic-playing friends began asking for rides downtown. “I mean, when I discovered how much more accessible and comfortable riding with Moe was than taking the bus, I had to start spreading the word,” Knight explained. Soon the business exploded. Bial was vanning dozens downtown per day, some of whom were going places other than the gaming store, in the fifteen-year-old van he had gotten as a hand-me-down on his sixteenth birthday. “I hadn’t cleaned that thing since I first started driving it, so I thought I’d have to do a deep clean of the van,” Bial fretted, “but all I ever got from people were compliments about how much more sanitary it was than the Tulsa busses.” “The van broke down twice just during the trip there,” said Amy Abel, a junior Spanish major who rode with Bial to visit a T-shirt store in the Brady District, “but I still got there sooner than I would have had I used a bus.” It was at this point that am-

bitious business major Minnie Baggs became a partner in Bial’s van business. Baggs brought Bial’s vanpool service outside of the university to a city-wide audience with an ad campaign that touted, “Baggs-Bial transit—We’re not Tulsa public transit.” “I considered getting extra drivers to deal with the new customers from across town,” Baggs expounded, “but when I looked at the competition, I realized that we could stick to one driver and waitlist anyone we couldn’t deal with.” “I just drove a woman to St. John’s whose headaches had stopped a week ago!” Bial blurted out. Baggs was recently invited to Oklahoma City to receive a public commendation from Governor Mary Fallin. “It pleases me to see that the hard work of the private citizen has yet again succeeded where the government has failed,” Fallin pandered. “It’s people like you that make me proud to be an Oklahoman.”

Graphic by Anna Bennett

The first (and only) van in the Baggs-Bial fleet awaits a group of freshman who signed up to be taken to Tally’s. Though the students signed up last week, they collectively say they “don’t mind the wait” because it’s less confusing than the Tulsa public transit system.

Tulsa officials go on district-naming spree Tulsa City Council puts public policy, infrastructure improvement on hold to name things. Jesse Keipp

Volunteers as Tribute

Graphic by Anna Bennett

The Red Light District is actually a Meta-District, which encompasses the Deco District, the Brady District and the Blue Dome District among more recent additions to the District family.

Tulsa city officials have introduced a vast renaming and reorganization effort throughout the city. Each square mile of land within Tulsa city limits will be assigned to a district. Despite the already superfluous number of arbitrary districts in town, officials believe that creating even more districts is the key to revitalizing Tulsa. For instance, while many students know of the neighboring Pearl and Kendall-Whittier Districts, they will now have to familiarize themselves with the Goldie District, the new official name for the University of Tulsa campus. Would you like to grab a bite downtown? I think you meant to say the “Dewey Bartlett District.” Tulsa Ciy Councilmembers have established a naming formula

for North Tulsa, which reads as follows: District k, where k is an element of [1, ∞), and k is an integer. Officials patted each other on the back for their “clever and efficient naming mechanism” for their “not most-overlooked” constituents, according to an official press release. Longtime North Tulsan Constance Tuant (and resident of District 12) opined, “I understand why some may view the district naming system for North Tulsa to be dehumanizing, but, in the government’s defense, it is the most efficient legislation I’ve ever heard of.” Furthermore, the city is still open to selling the naming rights to certain districts. Joining some friends at Irish Pub Kilkenny’s at the district formerly known as Cherry Street? Then hurry on over to the newly-christened ConocoPhillips® District! Pilgrims from all over the Tulsa metro area are flocking to the Ten Commandments District, after recently passed legislation protected the God-given right of city govern-

ments to espouse a certain religion in the process of district naming. Proponents for religious equality are on fire for a Satan District in the heart of South Tulsa; the debate is heating up quickly. Districts vary in size from the River District, which encompasses the massive sand bars which run through the Arkansas River, to the Dog Poop District, which includes a 10’x10’ foot patch of grass in downtown for canine defecation. The most popular district names read as follows: the District District, the Desixlya Drcisitct, the Typoe Districc, the Government District (opening in 2017), the Red Light District (known for its stoplights), the Bud Light District, the Hipster District (officially a district before it was cool), the District-Naming District, the 2024 Olympics District, the Kim Jongun District, and the Katniss Everdeen District. Despite the resulting 0.5% sales tax increase, Tulsans on both sides of the aisle agree that this was more fun than spending money on infrastructure and education.