5 March 2018

Student newspaper of the University of Tulsa

March 5, 2018 Issue 20 - Volume 103

Let’s talk. TU men’s basketball clinches top four seed

p. 3

TU anticipates visit to maintain accreditation

p. 4

SA’s Woman Up event draws criticism

p. 6

Library computers frustrate students

p. 7

Food insecurity in need of attention

p. 8

graphic by Madeline Woods

The Collegian: 2

Sports

5 March 2018

Men’s basketball honored at Senior Night

Jaleel Wheeler, Corey Henderson and Junior Etou were honored during Senior Night at Sunday’s game against Temple.

photo by Dalton Stewart

Sports curses may be a blessing in disguise Breaking curses might result in a brief moment of joy for fans, but after that instant of catharsis is over, then what? Thomas von Borstel Student Writer

graphic by Madeline Woods

Embrace an Exciting Career! The University of Tulsa

Certificate in Paralegal Studies

prepares students for a career as a paralegal in as little as eight months. TU’s program is approved by the American Bar Association. Questions? Contact Pam Mitchell, manager of legal programs, at 918-631-2524 or pam-mitchell@utulsa.edu. the university of Continuing Education Division of Lifelong Learning

utulsa.edu/paralegal Paralegals may not provide legal service directly to the public, except as permitted by law. TU is an EEO/AA institution. TU18083

Picture: it’s the seventies. The weather is in the seventies as well, balmy. A cluster of people, raving, surround a piece of turf. All of their eyes are focused on one spectacle. A clock stands as the monumental authority, and it is minutes to midnight. Faith, hope and love mingle with rage, anguish and malice. One of the faces in the crowd turns to a grouping of many others and says, “Some curse, huh?!” The others cry out in unison. A religious rite would be an apt description for this event. In many ways, the ritual, practice and language revolving around sport is devout. With all of the religious imagery, the mystic superstition also happened to sneak in there somewhere. Curses of all kinds are given credit for the failures of many sports teams. The Arizona Cardinals have not won a championship since 1947, a drought attributed to the 1925 NFL championship in which the Pottsville Maroon was stripped of its title before seeing it awarded to Arizona. They now have the longest championship drought in NFL history, and according to those living in Pottsville, it won’t be going away. Then there is the whole city of Cleveland, which bore a curse until 2016 when the Cavaliers won the NBA championship. In the same year was the breaking of the Billy-Goat curse in Chicago with the Cubs winning the World Series. How incredible is that? The elation after decades of sports failure must have been immense! And then the days after: what happens then? The precipice had been reached. The mountain conquered. The anxiety, anguish and rage of paucity has passed and the hunger for a championship sated. The very thing that had brought all of those fans together, to rejoice, to examine, to strategize and to sob, was gone. There is no deflection to “the curse.” Afterward, there is only mediocrity. None of the fans will get to celebrate another such feat in their lifetime as breaking a nearly 100-year-old curse. In many ways, a sports curse is in fact a blessing. Not only are the players, coaches and fans fighting against the physical forces of opponents, but they are battling supernatural forces — forces beyond all of our understanding. The immensity of such a cause creates a drive beyond that which one playing for a paycheck could possibly conjure. This leaves us with an interesting conundrum: these curses bring unity and passion, and the brevity of ending a curse, along with the infrequency of such an act, makes breaking curses in many ways a detrimental event. Teams often carry curses so long that it becomes a part of the identity of the city and the team. This may not be a good trait to have a part of one’s identity, but many teams, after winning a championship, drop off again. They’ve done it. There is no further drive, and they lose an essential sense of themselves. No longer do teams that break curses garner the hype of having a huge losing streak. They lose publicity and excitement that accompanies. The whole country often will gather around a team with a curse, such as when the Cubs went to the World Series in 2016. Afterward, no one seems to care. That’s why next time you pray for a curse to be broken, think about the consequences of the suggestion. A broken curse might actually be the true curse.

Sports

5 March 2018

Bearcats survive Hurricane, break streak The Tulsa men’s basketball team had its winning streak halted at six games by Cincinnati, but clinched the fourth seed with a win at ECU. Justin Guglielmetti Sports Editor

Riding their second-longest winning streak of the Frank Haith era, TU stormed into Cincinnati prepared for its toughest game of the season. A win would mean clinching the fourth seed and earning a first-round bye in the American Conference tournament. It would also mean having to beat the 11th-ranked ranked Bearcats on the road without the help of starting point guard Sterling Taplin, who sat out with a sprained ankle. The Golden Hurricane hung tough for a while, battling the second-best defense in the country and even carrying a lead into the second half. But in the end, Cincinnati held on for the 82-74 victory. Junior Etou shouldered the offensive burden without Taplin, netting a gamehigh 21 points. Only Corey Henderson joined him in double figures with 11, but in a balanced attack, six other players scored at least five points. Curran Scott and DaQuan Jeffries led the team off the bench with nine and eight points respectively, the latter adding a steal and three blocks. Elijah Joiner, earning the start in place of Taplin for the first time all season, had arguably the best game of his young career with six points and six assists. The Golden Hurricane’s 18 assists as a team matched their season-high. Contrary to what was expected, the game looked like it would be a shootout in the opening minutes. Each team blitzed the other from behind the arc — at one point there were five consecutive possessions with a three pointer — and after five minutes, Tulsa held a 17-15 advantage. Cincinnati struggled against TU’s undersized lineup; their motion offense looked as fluid as it had all season and time and again forced the Bearcats to switch into unfavorable matchups. A Martins Igbanu jumper with just over a minute to go tied the game, and two free throws from Curran Scott a possession lat-

er gave the Golden Hurricane an improbable lead going into the second half. The magic would not continue for very long. Scores from Etou and Igbanu extended TU’s lead to eight points and had Hurricane fans beginning to smell an upset, but a dunk from forward Gary Clark energized his team and the fans at BB&T Arena. The bucket started a dominant 24-4 run to put Cincinnati back in control. Clark, who had dealt with foul trouble and was held to just two points in the first half, contributed eight points over the stretch. He would finish with 17 points, which tied point guard Jarron Cumberland for the team lead. As a team, Cincinnati shot 55 percent from the floor and a scorching 68 percent from three, with a season-high 15 makes. Next up for TU was a much easier matchup against the 10-17 East Carolina Pirates, one of the punching bags of the AAC. ECU played well for its home fans in the first half, but they simply didn’t have the personnel to deal with the Golden Hurricane, which had six players score in double digits for the first time this season. After a closely contested first half, Tulsa would pull away in the second and earn the 72-58 win. Igbanu led the way with 16 points and eight boards in just 25 minutes, while Etou added a double-double with 10 points and 10 rebounds. DaQuan Jeffries, the Long Arm of the Law, blocked another three shots, Curran Scott continued his sterling play with 12 points on 4-6 shooting and Elijah Joiner recorded a season-high seven assists off the bench. With Sterling Taplin back in the starting lineup, the ball zipped around the perimeter like a pinball in the first half, finding open shooters and cutters in tight spaces as TU racked up an impressive 13 assists on 15 buckets. Even so, heroic shooting performances from Shawn Williams and B.J. Tyson kept the Pirates afloat, as they

scored 24 of ECU’s 39 points in the half between them. At the break, TU held just a two-point advantage. Neither team was able to get much going in the second, but as the Golden Hurricane worked the ball into Igbanu on the block, they were steadily able to increase their lead. ECU found TU’s zone nighimpregnable and turned ice cold from the field; with 11 minutes left in the game, they had scored just two points since halftime. They couldn’t cut the deficit to single digits the rest of the way as Tulsa coasted to the victory. TU shot just 40 percent from the floor and an abysmal 13-22 from the foul line, but they were able to completely stymie ECU, who connected on just 35.5 percent of field goals. Tulsa also outrebounded the Pirates 44-36 and set a new season high in assists with 19. Additional Thoughts I don’t want to take all the credit for Elijah Joiner stepping up in a big way after I shouted him out in last week’s issue, but I think something like 75 percent is warranted. You hate to see it come at the expense of Sterling Taplin (and one has to wonder how the Cincinnati game would have turned out if the team had had Taplin’s steadying presence), but it’s great for him to get these high-leverage minutes heading into the conference tournament. Speaking of Taplin, I was glad to see the Golden Hurricane’s impressive team ball movement continue into the ECU game. Teams often discover new things about themselves when players are forced to take on additional ball-handling duties after their point guard sits out, and sometimes (see the Washington Wizards this year) people misinterpret that as the team being better in his absence. Taplin’s seamless reentry into the starting lineup quickly removed any possibility of that being the case.

Hurricane Scoreboard Men’s Basketball Feb. 25: Cincinnati 82 - Tulsa 74 Mar. 1: Tulsa 72 - ECU 58 Women’s Basketball Feb. 26: Wichita State 70 - Tulsa 59 Mar. 3: Tulsa 98 - Housten 72 Men’s Tennis Feb. 28: Tulsa 4 - UT Arlington 3 Feb. 28: TCU 4 - Tulsa 0 Women’s Tennis Feb. 25: Tulsa 6 - USF 1 Mar. 3: Tulsa 6 - Oklahoma 1

Monday

Tuesday 5

Softball Feb. 25: Tulsa 1 - Florida Atlantic Mar. 2: Tulsa 11 - Nicholls State 3 Mar. 2: Tulsa 4 - North Texas 3 Mar. 3: Tulsa 11 - UT Arlington 3 Mar. 3: Tulsa 9 - Nicholls State 6 Men’s Soccer Mar. 3: Central Arkansas 3 - Tulsa 2 Women’s Golf Feb. 26-27: #17 Tulsa 321 T57. Nicole Marquardt 77 T76. Johanna Samuelsson 80 T81. Olivia Jackson 81 89. Anneke Strobach 83

Wednesday 6

7

No No No Events Events Events

The Collegian: 3

Justin Guglielmetti is…

the

bleacher creature?

NFL drops, erm, catches the ball You know what I’ve heard from every Cowboys fan I know over the past three years? “Man, if the NFL would just admit they were wrong about the overturned Dez Bryant catch against the Packers, I wouldn’t even be mad about it anymore.” And of course by every Cowboys fan, I mean literally not a single Cowboys fan. The point here is the NFL can take its recent apology and shove it. It’s not that I personally care all that much, though as a general rule, I prefer an unapologetic Roger Goodell (his tears made the 2017 Lombardi trophy all that much sweeter). It’s just that it feels like such a hollow gesture after the fact, albeit a move in the right direction as the No Fun League attempts to salvage one tiny aspect of its reputation and fix the definition of a catch. Ah well, looks like next year we’ll all have to find some other vague rule to get red-faced about. MOMMA, there goes that man Did you catch that James Harden stepback, staredown three-pointer last week? I usually don’t like to focus on individual plays because there’s only so much you can really say about them, but this one right here … Lordy, I had to sit down after. In case you missed it (and please please please don’t let this inevitably poor description stop you from looking it up so you can revel in all its glory), the Bearded One found himself matched up with one of the game’s alltime great scrubs in Wesley “I was halfway decent in 2K11” Johnson on the left arc. He next politely asked if he could have this dance, a proposition which was quickly accepted, then hit Johnson with a nasty stepback crossover. As he watched his defender tumble to the floor, Harden paused for a moment before hoisting up the shot, then decided to wait just a little longer, then got out of shooting position, then made himself some tea, read “War and Peace” and envisioned the alternate universe that saw him still on the Thunder playing third fiddle to Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook. And then, after all that, as Johnson finally managed to pick himself off the floor and contest the shot, Harden absolutely buried it. Just give this man the MVP already. I lost my marbles Welp, I’ve got a new favorite sport. And it’s going to sound real stupid when I explain it to you. But look, you absolutely need to give it a shot, because it’s going to change not only the way you view athletics but the meaning of life itself. Imagine the Olympics, but with marbles. Okay, you’re confused, let me try to be more clear. Instead of the high jump, it’s marbles bouncing over a toothpick bar. Instead of the 100-meter dash, it’s marbles rolling down a five meter track. Instead of swimming, it’s marbles tumbling down a little stream. At this point you’re probably saying to yourself, “Justin, I think somebody slipped something in your drink this weekend,” but I’m being completely serious. Since college and “work” is a thing, I’ve only managed to get through the 2016 Marblelympics and part of the 2017 games so far, but I’m not lying when I say that I may be more invested in the random performance of these little glass balls than I’ve ever been in the real Olympics. I’m a Thunderbolts fan myself (the marbles are organized into teams of similar colors and designs rather than countries), and I maintain that they must have had some serious coaching issues going into 2017. How else could you explain these electric blue fan favorites going from a third-place overall finish one year to an absolute laughing stock the next? Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. If nothing else the flawless deadpan commentary should have you rolling. Log onto YouTube, search “Jelle’s Marble Runs” and prepare to fall in love. One last thing: the Savage Speeders are on steroids. Don’t at me.

Mar. 5 - Mar. 11

Thursday

Saturday

Friday 8

Softball vs Drake 2 p.m.

AAC Men’s Basketball Tournament

Softball vs. Green Bay 2 p.m.

10

9

Women’s Tennis vs. KU 3:30 p.m. Softball vs. UMKC 7 p.m. Men’s Tennis vs. OSU 9 p.m. Track and Field NCAA Indoor Championships

Sunday

Softball vs Nebraska 11:30 a.m. Men’s Soccer vs Roger State TBA Women’s Soccer vs Oklahoma 4:00 p.m.

11

Softball vs. Northern Iowa 9 a.m.

Woman’s Tennis vs Texas A&M Corpus Christi 9 a.m. Men’s Tennis vs Drake 10 a.m. Men’s Tennis vs Omaha 2 p.m. Softball at Kansas 2 p.m.

The Collegian: 4

News

5 March 2018

Oklahoma’s water quality among lowest in nation

A recent study revealed Oklahoma and Texas as hotbeds for violations of federal clean drinking water regulations. Justin Guglielmetti Sports Editor As if Oklahoma didn’t have enough problems on its plate, it will now have to add potentially unsafe water to the menu. A study published last month from the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences tracked violations of the federal Safe Drinking Water Act over the past 35 years and identified two states in particular that have struggled to maintain standards for clean drinking water: Texas and Oklahoma. The study revealed that between 2004 and 2015, more than a dozen Oklahoma counties, all of them rural, recorded between 25 and 50 violations. As a point of reference, Genesee, the county containing Flint, Michigan, had just five violations over the same span. Several of the most egregiously offending Oklahoma water systems belong to counties directly adjacent to Tulsa, including Osage, Pawnee and Wagoner. Maura Allaire, one of the lead authors of the study, spoke about trends connecting the offending communities, calling them “smaller communities flying under the radar.” She added that addressing the problem could be a matter of money and resources: “They’re struggling to maintain their aging infrastructure, and they’re struggling to keep up with the latest water treatment techniques.” It seems evident, at least with regard to the extensive issues in Oklahoma and Texas specifically, that there is more to the story than a simple lack of funds. There must be something to explain the disparity between the trouble spots in the two states and other similarly impoverished, rural counties across the nation. TU professor Marsha Howard, who researches deadly amoebas in lakes and rivers throughout the southern states, believes that the scorching heat of Oklahoma’s summers could have something to do with it.

At the state-level, bureaucracy and incompetency can act as obstacles to achieving a higher water quality.

“It has a lot to do with temperatures,” she said. “One of the issues that I noted was what they call DBPs, disinfection byproducts. As a result of the increase of organic matter [in the water] in the summer, with rising levels of protozoa, E. coli and other bacteria, they have to increase disinfection, and then there are more byproducts as a result of that in the water. And that apparently is one of the things that is listed as a violation.” She insisted, however, that this sort of violation is far from the worst that a community could deal with when it comes to its drinking water. In the past several years, she studied cases of amoebas found in New Orleans’s tap water, a result of employees falsifying chlorination reports and failing to properly sanitize the water supply. “If the worst thing we’re primarily seeing in the state of Oklahoma is the disinfection byproducts,” she said, “I’m okay with that.

HLC re-accreditation team to hold open forums on campus The team will evaluate TU on five criteria for accreditation. Hannah Kloppenburg Web Manager This semester, TU has been preparing for the arrival of a Comprehensive Re-accreditation site visit team from the Higher Learning Commission (HLC). The team will be on campus on Monday, March 5, from 8 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., and Tuesday, March 6, from 8 a.m. to noon. In an all-school email, Student Association President Andrew Hansen said that the site visit team will hold open forums March 5 on each of the five criteria for accreditation. All students, faculty and staff are invited to attend these forums. Hansen wrote, “Open forums will be an opportunity for the HLC site visit team to ask questions to better understand our uni-

versity, to verify the evidence that TU has provided in the assurance argument and, in some cases, to find new evidence. “If you choose to participate, please be prepared, be thoughtful, and use candor in your responses to questions,” he said. Hansen also referred to the FISCH t-shirts and cups that were given out in order to promote TU’s new mission statement leading up to the HLC site visit. The five principles of the new mission statement are Free Inquiry, Scholarship, Character and Humanity. The team’s visit will play into the HLC’s decision whether to maintain the University of Tulsa’s accreditation. The HLC accredits higher learning institutions in a 19-state region of the United States. There are currently more than 1,000 HLC-accredited institutions. An HLC accreditation is reflective of an institution’s quality and continuous improvement. Anyone wishing to familiarize themselves with the HLC Criteria for Accreditation can visit their website. Please see the accompanying box for a schedule of the open forums.

9:45 – 10:30 a.m., Open Forum on Criterion 1 – Mission The institution’s mission is clear and articulated publicly; it guides the institution’s operations. 11 – 11:45 a.m., Open Forum on Criterion 3 – Teaching and Learning: Quality, Resources and Support The institution provides high-quality education, wherever and however its offerings are delivered. 1:30 – 3 p.m., Open Forum on Criterion 5 – Resources, Planning and Institutional Effectiveness The institution’s resources, structures and processes are sufficient to fulfill its mission, improve the quality of its educational offerings and respond to future challenges and opportunities. The institution plans for the future. 3:30 – 4:30 p.m., Open Forum on Criterion 2 - Integrity: Ethical and Responsible Conduct The institution acts with integrity; its conduct is ethical and responsible. 4:30 – 5:15 p.m., Open Forum on Criterion 4 - Teaching and Learning: Evaluation and Improvement The institution demonstrates responsibility for the quality of its educational programs, learning environments and support services, and it evaluates their effectiveness for student learning through processes designed to promote continuous improvement.

That means they are disinfecting the water, and I’d rather see that than the high coliform [a type of bacteria] counts. So our high levels of disinfection are a good thing. We might have funny-tasting water sometimes, but that’s what we pay for having safe water.” Still, the full extent of the problems facing the water supply, both in Oklahoma and around the country, remains uncertain. Since state governments are usually in charge of maintaining federal water quality standards, bureaucracy and incompetency can affect their implementation. In other cases, budgetary cutbacks can force local municipalities to focus on only certain types of contaminants, which in turn results in underreporting of other factors of safety and cleanliness. Dr. Kristi Pullen Fedinick of the Natural Resources Defense Council has said that a “huge amount” of such underreport-

courtesy flickr

ing is known to the scientific community to exist on a national scale. To combat this, Howard believes that some degree of involvement from D.C. may be necessary. “I know people are concerned with big government and not having them involved in our lives,” she said, “but I don’t see any other way around having regulations for things of this nature.” Oklahoma’s own Scott Pruitt, the head of the Environmental Protection Agency, has expressed public concern for the quality of America’s drinking water and has recently announced his desire to begin a war on lead. It remains to be seen whether the EPA will be able to make any visible impact, especially given the Trump administration’s insistence on making across-the-board budget cuts to environmental programs.

5 March 2018

Feb. 19 2:00 p.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers took a report from a student who had received unwanted contact from another student. The student was advised to inform Security of any future incidents. 3:15 p.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers responded to the Newman Center on a complaint of an individual using the facilities that is not affiliated with the university. Officers detained the individual and contacted the Tulsa Police Department after discovering a previous trespass warning from campus. The individual was arrested by TPD for trespassing and an active warrant issued in Tulsa County. 6:45 p.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers responded to a fire alarm at John Mabee Hall. Officers found the source of the alarm and determined that alarm was caused by a vaping device. The Tulsa Fire Department was cancelled. 8:05 p.m. While on routine patrol, University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were flagged

News down by an individual who had been part of a domestic violence incident with their roommate in the Brown Village Apartments. Officers made contact with the other party. Tulsa Police Department was contacted. Neither party wanted to file charges. Feb. 20 1:00 p.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were dispatched to Mabee Gym for a found TU student ID. Officers made contact with the owner and they came to the Security Office to retrieve their ID. 2:30 p.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were dispatched to the University Square Apartments West for a welfare check on a student. Officers made contact with the student and determined an illness had prevented the student from attending a meeting. 11:15 p.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers responded to a noise complaint in the University Square Apartments West. A University of Tulsa student was listening to loud music. The student agreed to turn down the volume of the music. A Campus Housing Contact Card was completed. Feb. 21 6:10 p.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were dispatched to Hardesty Hall on a report of an injured person. Officers arrived and found that the injured party was not a University of Tulsa affiliate. The person had slipped on some ice and refused any medical attention from officers.

Emma Palmer Student Writer

Twenty four killed in Azerbaijan fire Twenty four people have died from a fire at a drug rehabilitation center in Baku, Azerbaijan. According to government officials, the fire was caused by a short circuit within the wiring of the old wooden building and was then fanned by strong winds, burning for three hours before being extinguished. The Health Ministry of Azerbaijan has said that two hundred personnel and patients were evacuated, with thirty-six people being rescued from the flames, and four needing hospitalization. The rehabilitation center was just one of the many in the country, which has an estimated thirty-thousand registered drug addicts.

Ukraine closes schools to save gas Following the Ukraine’s main natural gas supplier, Gazprom, severing ties unilaterally with the Ukraine, the energy ministration has requested that all educational institutes close at least until the beginning of the next school week. Additionally, in an effort to conserve remaining gas, the government has requested power stations that can be switched to fuel rather than natural gas do so. This crisis comes during the middle of a freeze in all of Europe that has largely affected the Ukraine, with most of the country buried under several feet of snow. The Russian-owned Gazprom decided to sever ties with the Ukraine following their loss in a long-running legal battle with Naftogaz, the Ukraine’s national gas company.

Four killed in avalanche in France An avalanche has killed four people near Entraunes, a resort in the French Alps bordering Italy. In addition to the four deaths, one person is reported to be missing and another person injured and hospitalized. According to local media, the avalanche struck where people were “off-piste” skiing: skiing in an area unmarked and unmaintained for skiers. The one unharmed survivor of the accident, the group’s guide, has been taken into police custody and is being investigated for unintentional harm and possible manslaughter. This avalanche follows a slew of deadly avalanches in the French Alps, with twenty deaths being reported since November.

Venezuelan election vote postponed The Venezuelan government has announced that they will be moving the nation’s presidential election from May 20 instead of the original date of April 22. Venezuela’s National Electoral Council announced in February that the election, which would typically be held in the month of December, would be moved to an earlier date. It is widely assumed that this was an attempt to stomp out opposition coalitions’ chances to nominate candidates for the presidential bid. The election comes at a time of increasing economic turmoil, with many Venezuelans being left malnourished and many more being forced to flee the country. The decision of an early vote was met with massive blowback in Venezuela, as well as by countries internationally.

The Collegian: 5

10:20 p.m. While on routine patrol, University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers witnessed two individuals fall on some steps at Tyrrell Hall. The individuals were identified as two students and they refused any medical attention from officers. Officers escorted the students back to their residence. Feb. 22 9:50 a.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were dispatched to Lorton Hall for an ill staff member. Emergency Medical Services Authority(EMSA) was contacted and transported the staff member to a local hospital for treatment. 2:00 p.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were dispatched to the Mabee East Lot for a vehicle that was parked in the shuttle bus parking area. Officers cited the vehicle and called Storey Wrecker. Storey Wrecker arrived on campus and towed the vehicle off campus without further incident. 4:45 p.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were dispatched to Mabee Gym for a report of a TU student being harassed online by another TU student. Officers spoke with the student and collected information about the online posts. Officers also met with the student suspected of the harassment. Written statements were completed. Feb. 23 6:30 p.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were dispatched to Hardesty Hall for a report of a found credit card. Officers were

able to identify the owner, but they could not retrieve the property at that time. The credit card was placed in the property room for safekeeping. Feb 24 1:25 a.m. While on routine patrol, University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers conducted a pedestrian check on an individual loitering near the Case Athletic Complex. Officers determined that the individual was not affiliated with TU, but was visiting campus. Officers assisted the individual with finding transportation off campus. No trespass warning was issued. 4:00 a.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were dispatched to Fisher South Hall for a report of a student who had consumed alcohol underage. The reporting party claimed that the student had returned to their dorm room under the influence of alcohol and urinated in a closet. Officers met with the reporting party and student in question. The student admitted to having consumed alcohol underage. 1:25 p.m. Officers met with a TU student and a non TU affiliated individual who had collided on Harvard Avenue while traveling south. Officers documented the accident scene and took photos of the damage. Officers also facilitated in the exchange of insurance information. The Collegian does not produce or edit the Campus Crime Watch except for content and brevity.

Wednesday, March 7 at 12:10 p.m. to 12:50 p.m. Zink Hall, Room 226 CSAS Overcoming Procrastination Workshop If you’ve found yourself putting off important tasks over and over again, you’re not alone. Most people procrastinate to some degree. Learn why you are procrastinating and how to take active steps to manage your time and outcomes.

Wednesday, March 7 at 5:30 p.m. Lorton Hall Diversity and Inclusion in Sport TU’s Collins College of Business will host Professor George B. Cunningham as part of the Distinguished Lecture Series. Cunningham will speak on diversity and inclusion in sport, including recent incidents involving diversity issues and athletics on college campuses. Thursday, March 8 at 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Reynolds Center

Senior Salute Graduation event preparing seniors for the commencement ceremony. Graduates may order class rings, announcements and pick up their cap and gown. Departments from across campus will be on hand to help graduates.

Thursday, March 8 at 3:30 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. Sharp Chapel Campus-Wide Prayer Join Terpsichore and learn ballroom dance. Taught by Co-President Annette Baird, this master class will be a great experience for dancers of any level. Thursday, March 8 at 7:30 p.m. Lorton Performance Center, Meinig Recital Hall Concerts with Commentary: A Musical Legacy, Vintage Wildflowers The University of Tulsa School of Music continues its Concerts with Commentary series with a program by Vintage Wildflowers featuring special guests Scott Schmidt and Quinn Maher. Acclaimed for their instrumental prowess, onstage charm and soulful vocals, Vintage Wildflowers has developed an enthusiastic legion of fans with their vibrant Celtic, folk and bluegrass blend featuring three-part vocal harmonies, fiddle, Celtic harp, guitar, flute, Irish whistle and accordion. Thursday, March 8 at 7:30 p.m. Lorton Performance Center, Gussman Concert Hall TU Opera Theatre Performance The University of Tulsa Opera Theatre presents Thoroughly Modern Martha, an English-language adaptation of von Flotow’s German operetta, Marta. The plot is about how a couple of well-bred ladies from the 1920s English “upper crust” get involved in — and extricated from — working in an English seaside resort, and how they deal with the sudden (and unexpected) love interest from their workingclass employers. Two performances with two different casts. Friday, March 10 at 4 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. Student Union, Great Hall C TU Leadership Experience Join SA and The Univesrity of Tulsa for its annual Leadership Experience, or TULE! This is a fun way to hone in your leadership skills while also getting to know people around campus. Any student in attendance has an opportunity to apply for and get a $500 scholarship! There will be multiple scholarships awarded, but you have to be present to receive it. Get excited for this year’s INCREDIBLE TULE! The Collegian does not produce all event descriptions in the Community Calendar. Contact us at news@tucollegian.org with events.

The Collegian: 6

Commentary

5 March 2018 The Legislative Digest is your weekly look at the happenings of Oklahoma’s state legislature, and the bills and politics you need to know. Raven Fawcett Commentary Editor Kayleigh Thesenvitz Editor-in-Chief

SB1016: This bill had the title stricken this week in committee (which means that the bill has to be reworked by the chamber, effectively giving the bill more time in the state legislature, as all bills need a summary statement at the beginning, called the title). It requires public schools that have enough money and pay their teachers enough of a salary to also have a poster displayed. The poster would include the national motto “In God We Trust,” the American flag and the Oklahoma flag. There are important bills in Congress right now, bills that will decide the future of this state, its budget and our quality of life. This bill is so far removed from those struggles and so unimportant as to loop back around to important. Why devote time to putting posters in schools that will alienate children who do not believe in God when there are better things to argue about? It’s nonsense. SB1105: Legislation that would increase awareness about the facts of HIV/AIDS and educate young people on the matter are not new. They’ve also got a pretty terrible track record of getting any traction in the state legislature. This bill would require schools to teach about HIV/AIDS every few grades. HIV/AIDS is a huge part of our nation’s history and an ongoing problem in today’s society. Talking about it destigmatizes it. People should feel comfortable discussing it, because people will contract HIV, or they’ll know people with HIV/AIDS, and the problem doesn’t go away just because we pretend that it doesn’t exist or — worse — that it only happens to people in the LGBT+ community and is thus shameful or less worthy of attention. While the bill isn’t likely to pass, it’s still a worthwhile fight. HB3471: Authored by Rep. John Paul Jordan, this bill requires the U.S. history component of Oklahoma’s social studies curriculum to include information about Juneteenth, which commemorates the emancipation of enslaved African Americans. Rep. George Young, the leader of the Oklahoma Black Caucus, added a friendly amendment to the legislation that would make June 19 an official state holiday in recognition of Juneteenth. The bill not only celebrates Oklahoma’s diversity, but it provides an important service to our youth by teaching them a crucial and often neglected part of our history. Juneteenth is considered by many to be America’s true Independence Day. Committee Time: Over the last week, the House and Senate both voted bills out of committee so that they could be voted on and amended by the entire chamber. Due to ice closures two days last week and partisan politics, many bills weren’t even heard in committee, let alone given the chance to be heard and voted on by the whole assembly. To quote the March 2 House of Representatives press release, “Republican-controlled committees have once again put party over state by only passing 30 measures authored by House Democrats through the committee process.” As a punitive measure, the minority caucus was notified that members who voted against the Step Up Oklahoma budget package would need to transfer their bills to other caucus members who were in favor of Step Up. One such measure, House Bill 2615, authored by Rep. Will Fourkiller D-Stilwell, was transferred to another Democrat due to Rep. Fourkiller’s ‘no’ vote on Step Up – a vote requested by a majority of the constituents that contacted him. The measure commemorated soldiers buried at the Fort Gibson National Cemetery. “I have spent seven years at the Capitol representing the people of Norman, and I have never before seen this level of partisan denigration, especially based on a measure that was widely rejected by both parties,” said Rep. Emily Virgin, D-Norman. I wholeheartedly agree. Of the measures denied a hearing, four measures would have provided teacher pay raises of $5,000 or more, and five measures would have restored the gross production tax to a rate more equitable for all of Oklahoma. Overall, 38 of the 140 measures introduced by Democratic members and not granted a hearing would have benefitted public education and helped to dramatically improve the state’s fiscal situation. Retired educator Rep. Donnie Condit, D-McAlester, filed HB2617, which sought to make a tax credit available for teachers that have paid for classroom supplies like reams of paper and pencils. The bill was assigned to a budgetary subcommittee and not granted a hearing. Rep. Monroe Nichols, D-Tulsa (the representative for TU), filed HB2929 to help place a timeline for dealing with the backlog of nearly 7,000 untested rape kits in the state, an essential step in stopping serial rapists. “The victims of sexual assault and rape continue to be ignored in our state,” Nichols said in the press release. “Many law enforcement agencies across the state failed to comply with the Governor’s audit request on untested rape kits and now because of politics we are once again showing them justice doesn’t matter. Untested kits leave us with the threat of rapist walking free. This is an urgent and dangerous problem, it should be bigger than politics but thanks to a few committee chairs, it is not.” Other measures presented by House Democrats that failed to receive a committee hearing: HB2531: Authored by Rep. Collin Walke, D-Oklahoma City, would have restored of the historic gross production tax rate, boosting state revenue by over $300 million. HB1368: Authored by Rep. Johnny Tadlock, D-Idabel, approval of dedicated, per-pupil funds for books and supplies. HB2611: Authored by Rep. Johnny Tadlock, D-Idabel, created a tiered gross production tax. HB2741: Authored by Rep. David Perryman, D-Chickasha, would restore the state standard deduction. HB2746: Authored by Rep. David Perryman, D-Chickasha, would increase transparency of the legislature by subjecting it to the same rules of other public bodies. HB1876: Authored by Rep. Eric Proctor, D-Tulsa, would allow a spouse or family member paid leave to care for veterans returning home with disabilities. “It’s stunning that we have people elected to serve the citizens of Oklahoma that would refuse to hear good legislation from a member based on a previous vote,” said Rep. Forrest Bennett, D-Oklahoma City. “That kind of petty behavior from House leadership effectively silenced the voices of the thousands of Oklahomans who put their faith in their legislators.”

“Woman Up” fails to raise anything but questions

By focusing on appearances to celebrate International Women’s Day, SA misses the point of the holiday and disrespects women. Nick Langston Student Writer Any forward-thinking member of TU’s campus would be excited to see Student Association’s Facebook announcement of a special event in celebration of International Women’s Day, a global holiday commemorating the movement for women’s rights. The event, entitled “Woman Up,” seemed to be the perfect time for the TU community to celebrate the strength and success of the women’s rights movement, to recognize the achievements of women in business, science, politics and art, or perhaps to discuss the devastating sexual assault epidemic on our campus. The entirety of the one-sentence SA event description read: “Celebrate International Women’s Day with us in Great Room Hall C with free hairdos, manicures, and sweet treats on us!” What better way to celebrate a holiday intended to honor the accomplishments of the Women’s Rights Movement than to reinforce archaic gender norms? SA’s decision to host such an event is a blatant dismissal of the actual struggles faced by women in our campus community. There is no excuse for the insulting and downright repulsive move by SA to assume that women are interested in hair and makeup simply because they are women. The event not only ignores more important issues but also implicitly asserts that a woman’s value is derived from her physical appearance rather than her character or intelligence. For centuries, women have broken bounds in every field imaginable while receiving little to no credit. Meanwhile, SA’s idea for “Woman Up” entails sitting back for a manicure, implying that the serious matters are best left up to men. According to the 2016-17 Campus Cli-

mate Survey, “66.5 percent of students felt college administrators should do more to protect students from harm.” The survey results also state that “overall, 8.8 percent of students reported the experience of forced or drug facilitated sexual assault while a student at TU,” and that only reflects the portion of the small surveyed sample of the TU community who felt comfortable reporting such a traumatic event. It is no secret that this violence is particularly problematic for women in our community as opposed to men. In light of the monstrous threat of violence faced daily by women at TU, SA found that chipped fingernails and a messy hair day were the most pressing challenges worth tackling with the “Woman Up” event. Women in STEM are often met with looks of surprise upon stating their academic program, a minor reflection of the major career-long struggle faced by most women in technical fields. Couldn’t we have an event aimed at dismantling damaging stereotypes about women instead of one that mocks them by strengthening the all-too-prevalent myths that a woman can’t do every single thing a man can do? It is shocking that no SA official involved in the organization of “Woman Up” thought that perhaps an event tackling the wage gap between men and women, the unreasonable expectation that every woman become a mother or any of the other challenges faced by 21st-century women would make a more suitable event. The SA event also makes an absurd assumption regarding femininity. The mani-

cure and hair styling services offered seem to equate womanhood with frivolous attention to physical appearance. Not only that, but the services offered show a complete lack of recognition for the wide spectrum of identities held by women. Not every woman wants polished fingernails and a snazzy hairstyle. The antiquated assumption that all women on our campus will be honored by the opportunity to have their nails done is sexist and dismissive of the wide array of ways women choose to express themselves. Students and alumni were quick to respond to SA’s announcement with well-deserved criticism of the event. How did SA respond? SA first responded by amending the event’s description by stating the event’s purpose as a celebration of “women for all their strength, individuality, and commitment from across the world,” adding an advertisement for an upcoming panel on “women’s issues, discrimination, and social justice,” and completely deleting any mention of beauty services. No apology or acknowledgement of the initial description was given. SA then decided that their second attempt at describing their event wasn’t quite right and added that they would be “offering activities traditionally associated with women (i.e. hairdos, manicures, & makeovers).” This iteration of the event description remains online at the time of this writing. SA then made a comment on the event’s discussion page with grammar that matched the level of professionalism of the event itself,

courtesy Student Association’s Facebook SA is aware of and responding to the criticism that students have leveled at the event.

stating that “after taking into consider [sic] your feedback … we did change the event to fit more accurately.” SA deleted this comment and added a properly edited comment stating that they “decided to change the description of the event to fit more accurately.” SA’s last comment of the night mentioned for the first time that they “sincerely apologize for the misunderstanding and the choice of wording in our description of the event.” Some commenters suggested that their posts on the event discussion page containing screenshots of the original event description were deleted by SA. The apology and edits to the event description do nothing to right the wrongs of the SA members involved with this event. First, to proudly proclaim that hairdos, manicures and makeovers are “traditionally associated with women” is again antithetical to any women’s rights activism. The mention of a vague panel on “women’s issues” appears at best to be a half-hearted effort at remembering why we are having activism events in the first place. Let’s not forget that the poorly attempted apology from SA does not express any regret over the content of the event itself but only for the wording of the description, again implying that a manicure and makeover event is a perfectly appropriate way to celebrate International Women’s Day. Student Association not only lacked any foresight with their “Woman Up” event, but their lackluster effort at damage control only demonstrated an even deeper lack of understanding as to where they went wrong. On a campus where women face the daily threat of sexual violence only to look forward to a career full of discrimination after graduation, SA completely missed the mark on what really matters to women in our community. How can we hold SA accountable such that this failure is never repeated? SA President Andrew Hansen has since apologized for the event’s lack of consideration. In a Facebook statement he wrote, “SA has always welcomed constructive feedback on our operations and events and will continue to do so in the future. We’ll also be making the necessary changes to ensure that SA continues to positively serve the university community, upholds the mission of TU and promote a culture that is informed, educated and inclusive.”

Commentary

5 March 2018

LETTER

to the editor

I agree with the author that the “new Springfest” idea could have used some more transparent student input with additional events throughout the week to include more students who cannot attend the concert. I’d also like to add that I don’t like the way SA is marketing the pre-concert “art crawl.” Call me a grump, but the fact that the only announced event is one which specifically caters to high school students and local teens does not appeal to me at all. I’m old enough to remember the Panic! At the Disco concert when high school kids flooded Reynolds Center and essentially ruined

the experience for everyone by acting like savage beasts (viz., groping strangers, attempting to crowd surf, and screaming constantly) so much so that Brendon Urie had to tell the crowd to chill out. It was a nightmare, and made the university look like it didn’t have any control over its student body. I could not imagine a Springfest event less attractive than one which encourages younger schoolchildren to attend. Springfest is supposed to be for TU students. I wish SA would keep it that way. Zane Cawthon

To the Student Leaders of Our Community, Before I begin, please believe that as I critique your actions, I have always previously trusted that each member of your body has only the best intentions when representing the students of the University of Tulsa. That said, I am personally shocked and appalled by the way the Student Association leaders have decided to celebrate International Women’s Day, and cannot stay silent about the way this situation has been handled.

I am ashamed that the representatives of our incredibly diverse student body found it acceptable to even entertain the idea of an event such as this one. How could an event like this not seem wrong or inappropriate to any of the event planners involved? There are in fact many events and activities you could have sponsored instead. In the few minutes after I told my sister about the event, we came up with several alternative ideas: 1. Utilize the intelligent and passionate professors who teach at TU by inviting them to speak about literally any aspect of women’s history, women in the workplace, and/or women’s global issues. 2. Educate students by making posters about the incredible women who have strived to improve their fellow’s lives throughout history as well as women who are doing so today. 3. Lead a group (or a few groups) of volunteers to assist at a local women’s health clinic or shelter. 4. Sponsor an open student discussion panel, made up of leaders from various applicable student organizations, about women’s issues. 5. Promote and gather donations (anything from baby formula to women’s razors) for DVIS, the Domestic Violence Intervention Services, in addition to many other worthy organizations located right here in Tulsa. All of these are more in line with the spirit of International Women’s Day than Women Up! and took less than ten minutes to brainstorm. Although the Student Association changed the description later tonight to: “Celebrate International Women’s Day with us in Great Hall C! We will celebrate women for all their strength, individuality, and commitment from across the world! *Snacks/beverages provided* We also hope you will join us March 9th at 12 in Choteau for a lunch panel. Where we will have a discussion over women’s issues, discrimination, and social justice”, The fact remains that this event even came to fruition, to begin with. In addition, will the hair and nail treatments still be offered, or will they be replaced with something else? In the new description, there is no hint as to how the Student Association plans to celebrate women. Even as I finish writing this, the description has been altered to include, “We are offering activities traditionally associated with women (i.e. hairdos, manicures, & makeovers).” Rebranding your activities in an effort to counter the public outcry your event has garnered or to not have to change your event activities only adds insult to injury. You are not listening, and your lack of understanding only showcases how harmful this event really is. Slapping some concealer on this truly shoddy event is not going to distract us. Yours, A disappointed woman. Elise McGouran

Tonight, I received a Facebook notification concerning a new event called “Woman Up”, an event sponsored by the Student Association. Intrigued, I clicked the on the event for further information. There, clearly stated, were the details. “Celebrate International Women’s Day with us in Great Hall C with free hairdo’s, manicures, and sweet treats on us!” “What?” and “Really?” were my first thoughts. Second, “This has to be a joke”. It wasn’t. I checked. This event, supposedly a celebration of all the world’s women, chooses to celebrate them by… what? Offering up the incredible opportunity to primp? What does it say to the women of our university when you imply that the best way to appreciate them is to hand them irons for their hair and paint for their hands? On a day when women are supposed to come together to cast off the yoke of archaic stereotypes and discrimination, you propel the message that as women they should, and are, consumed by the cosmetic. This event completely disregards and even opposes the inherent purpose of International Women’s Day; A day set to empower and educate men and women by bringing awareness to women’s continued oppression, and celebrate the diversity of womanhood worldwide. The structure of this event seems ignorant to the global theme of this year. The United Nations states that The Time is Now, the theme of 2018, is centered around highlighting the rural and urban activists who are focused on transforming women’s lives. Where, in this event, is the respect for the great accomplishments women have achieved, acknowledgment of the struggles women have overcome, and recognition for the challenges they still face, which range from unequal pay to genital mutilation? In addition, how does this event acknowledge the diversity of our campus and the women who study here? While the event does not specifically exclude international students from participating, what use is a free, public hairdo to the student who wears a hijab? This is just one example. This event is steeped in the commercialist messages women are bombarded with by our culture; that what we want and need the most is to be primped and pampered, unconcerned with the multitude of wrongs being done against us. Assuming that this is the best way to show appreciation to all women is insulting, ignorant, and demeaning.

“Assuming that this is the best way to show appreciation to all women is insulting, ignorant and demeaning.”

The Collegian: 7

Library computers take more time than they are worth

It can take more than 16 minutes to find a computer and print documents from the library, leaving students pressed for time. Kayleigh Thesenvitz Editor-in-Chief IT updated the library computer lab in September, with mixed results. On the plus side, the new study lounge is almost always in use by half a dozen students at a time. And with some limited exceptions, students aren’t blocking a computer from use while sitting on their laptops. However, after taking some time to experience and consider the library changes, the system is somehow worse than it was before. To begin, on almost all the computers in the east lab, the login process grew from a slightly-irritating 30 seconds to a minute to an infuriatingly slow two to three minutes. Once logged in, you have to wait approximately 30 seconds for the computer to become fully functional so you can open the software or Internet service of your choice. To print an assignment, you then take the time required to open the assignment and press the print key; let’s say that takes a minute of your time. If your assignment was 30 pages front and back, which would be a conservative average for my major, it will take about two minutes to print. However, based on my admittedly lessthan-scientific testing of the library computers over the last five months, only about half of the library computers connect to the

library printers. I once spent 10 minutes in the settings on one of the unconnected computers trying to manually reconnect it to no avail. So once you’ve realized that you aren’t going to be able to print from the computer you’ve logged in on, you then have to log, hop onto another computer, and hope for the best. Not long ago, another young lady and I played musical chair around the library until she found a computer connected to the printer, and I waited directly behind her as we formed a line for what seemed to be the only connected computer not already in use that day. So let’s do the math. Before: One minute to log on + 30 seconds for functionality + One minute to locate your assignment + Two minutes to print = in and out in four and a half minutes so you can run to class and act like you’ve done the reading. Now: Three minutes to log on + 30 seconds for functionality + One minute to locate your assignment + 10 seconds realizing that the printer doesn’t work and logging out of the computer +10 seconds of gathering your things and moving to another computer (180+30+60+10+10)X3, because you’ll inevitably try three computers before you find one that works + Two minutes to print = 16-and-a-half minutes to do the same thing we did in less than five just last semester. So IT, if you are reading this, please, please, please go through and speed up the login time on the computers and connect them all to the library printers! I’m actually begging you. Just like my professors are begging me not to come to class five minutes late with the day’s reading assignment still in my hand, fresh off the printer.

photo by Michaela Flonard Students face a long wait when trying to print in the newly-updated computer lab at McFarlin Library.

tucollegian@tucollegian.org editor-in-chief

Kayleigh Thesenvitz managing editor

Michaela Flonard news editor

Trenton Gibbons sports editor

Justin Guglielmetti variety editor

Ethan Veenker commentary editor

Raven Fawcett satire editor

Adam Lux photo & graphics editor

Madeline Woods

business & advertising manager

Brian Kwiecinski

social media & web manager

Hannah Kloppenburg distribution managers

Amber Bunnag-Stoner Katelyn Baker and Nathan Gibbons copy editor

Bryant Loney

@TUCollegian

The Collegian is the student newspaper of the University of Tulsa. It is distributed Mondays during the fall and spring semesters, except during holidays and final exam weeks. The University of Tulsa does not discriminate on the basis of personal status or group characteristics including but not limited to the classes protected under federal and state law. Inquiries regarding implementation of this policy may be addressed to the Office of Human Resources, 800 South Tucker Drive, Tulsa, Oklahoma 74104-9700, (918)631-2616. Requests for accomodation of disabilities may be addressed to the university’s 504 Coordinator, Dr. Tawny Rigsby, (918)631-3814. To ensure availability of an interpeter, five to seven days notice is needed; 48 hours is recommended for all other accomodations. Advertising Policy: Advertising appearing in this publication does not imply approval or endorsement by the University of Tulsa or the Collegian for the products or services advertised. For advertising information, email the Collegian at advertising@tucollegian.org. The deadline for advertising is noon on the Friday proir to publication. Letter Policy: Letters to the editor must be less than 500 words and can be sent to tucollegian@tucollegian.org. Under no circumstances will anonymous letters be published. The name of the person submitting the letter must be published with the letter. We reserve the right to edit or reject all letters. The deadline for letters is 5 p.m. on the Friday prior to publication. Editing Policy: The Collegian reserves the right to edit all copy submitted by all writers. This editing may take place in many forms, including grammar corrections, changes in paragraph structure or even the addition or removal of sections of content. Editorial Policy: Columnists are solely responsible for the content of their columns. Opinions expressed in columns may not represent the opions of the Collegian staff, the administrative policies of the University of Tulsa, the views of the student body or our advertisers.

The Collegian: 8

Commentary

5 March 2018

TU should address student hunger issues

While the exact rate of food insecurity among TU students is unknown, TU should consider instituting a meal swipe share program and a food pantry. Michaela Flonard Managing Editor Going to class is sometimes tough enough, but going to class on an empty stomach, and not knowing where your next meal will be from or if that meal will be substantial, is ridiculous. But this happens to many college students. That’s why I support TU’s effort to look into programs that allow students to share their meal swipes with others in need, which many other universities have implemented to great success. Although we don’t have numbers for the University of Tulsa, various studies across different universities in the U.S. have confirmed that more college students face food insecurity than we might first guess. What is food insecurity? According to the USDA, there are two levels of food insecurity: low food security, where an individual has “reduced quality, variety, or desirability of diet,” or very low food security, where an individual has “reports of multiple indications of disrupted eating patterns and reduced food intake.”

over half saying it had affected their ability to attend class. Food insecurity, closely tied with housing issues, also affected the ability to buy textbooks, attend classes or join activities. Another study found that college students who had trouble getting food were 22 percent less likely to earn a 3.5 – 4.0 GPA than a 2.0 – 2.49 GPA, after controlling for other factors. And doing poorly in class can perpetuate this cycle, as poor grades threaten scholarships and increase stress, forcing students to spend more time recovering in classes instead of being able to work. And that’s why TU should do more to help students with food insecurity. Based on what has been done on other campuses, there are two major avenues to take: meal swipe donation programs and on-campus food pantries. The first solution comes in many different forms but boils down this: students with extra meal swipes or dining dollars can choose to allocate a certain amount of these swipes or dollars to a pool, which students in need can then use when necessary. Because while some students have too little, others have too much. This solution relies on willing dining services, but many programs out there exist to make the transition easier. One such program is “Swipe Out Hunger,” a nonprofit group that allows students to donate meal points to a central fund, which is then turned into money based on an agreed-upon conversion rate. This money is then used to purchase food that can go to those in need. 36 different schools participate in this program. Other schools have chosen to not go through this non-profit but instead create their own system. With this solution, working with dining services is essential. Dining companies have built into their meal plans a profit margin; they predict how much students will actu-

volunteers and stocked with donations. Norwalk Community College obtains donations from various stores in Norwalk, Connecticut, of food they’re about to throw away. If that’s too much work for students to run, student donations could also supplement the pantry. The University of Colorado Denver even runs an incentive program to encourage donations: during one week, students who donate more than five items can win a free daily parking pass. A program like that could stock TU’s pantry initially and then rely off student donations from outside companies after. And TU should be able to stock the pantry; at the end of every year, some students, usually Presidential Scholars, complain about having too many dining dollars left. These students could buy non-perishable food items and household items to stock up the pantry in preparation for next year. Students could easily form a club to run the food pantry. It might not have the same air of officialness, but it would do the same work. It could meet, weekly, biweekly or monthly, opening its doors for anyone to come in and grab some food or supplies they desperately need. If it’s student-run, it could be no-questions-asked, and students could work on an honor system to ensure those who visit the pantry don’t feel like they’ll

be outed or shamed for it. These solutions are dependent on university cooperation. And while I’m sure our university officials want to help students whenever and however possible, I also understand that negotiations and bureaucracy can slow even the most well-meaning. So until then, I’d like to ask TU students to step up to the plate. Very soon TU dining will be running a trial of a meal swipe sharing program like I mentioned; if you’re able to, donate and show the university this is a program they need to continue. Advocate for a food pantry on campus and donate when it becomes available. I know students can do all these things because we already do. TU students already donate items to pantries in the Tulsa area during donation drives, but we should also help our fellow students in need. TU is a wildly expensive school, and financial aid and work sometimes won’t cover all of it. No one should worry about going hungry at college; we’ve got enough tests and projects and homework to generate anxiety. This is a real problem that I believe TU students can step up and fix.

“TU is a wildly expensive school, and financial aid and work sometimes won’t cover all of it.” A 2017 study by Katharine Broton and Sara Goldrick-Rab looked at 30,000 students at both two- and four-year colleges and found about half were food insecure. While most of these students received financial aid, they were often not able to receive assistance for food or housing. These results are not unique; the University of California system estimates 42 percent of their students are food insecure, while 19 percent qualified as hungry. In 2009, 21 percent of students at the University of Hawaii, and in 2011, 39 percent of students at City University of New York, admitted to being food insecure. Without a study at TU, of course, we can’t say exactly how many students are food insecure. But given the studies at other universities and considering the cost of TU, even with financial aid, it’s safe to say some percentage of our fellow students are food insecure. And this food insecurity is a problem we should try to address, with whatever means we have available. Many organizations often offer free food at events — most of the church organizations on campus offer free lunch throughout the week, and various student-run clubs often serve food with their meetings. Student with food insecurity may attend these events to get their meal for the day. But students may be busy when the clubs are meeting or don’t have the time, with work and other responsibilities, to stay at a meeting just for the pizza. Plus, what is generally served at these events? Sure, sometimes you get some good food, but pizza and sandwiches come up a little too often. And part of food insecurity is lacking nutritious food, which nourishes the body and mind. Filling up with pizza is better than nothing, but we could do more; we could fill our fellow students up with a varied diet. Food insecurity has serious effects on academic performance. A survey at the University of Massachusetts, Boston, found that 80 percent of respondents said food insecurity affected their performance, with

ally use each plan and price accordingly so they can profit, understandably so. But there are multiple avenues around this. Some campuses set a limit on the number of meals one can donate at a time; others set a period of time to donate; “Swipe Out Hunger” advocates for a conversion rate of meal swipes to money that is both favorable to the company and those in need. As for how to access the donated swipes, there’s also a variety of options. Some schools require students to visit their health center to confirm need, others do not need any proof, offering the opportunity to whoever claims it. Either way, we need to make sure that we respect and honor the dignity of individuals, so they feel comfortable taking advantage of the service without fear of being judged. Most schools give students a card, or load their student IDs, with a certain number of meal swipes, with the potential to request more throughout the semester. With the combination of ways to accomplish this solution to student hunger, the university has a lot to discuss before implementation. But it’s not unknown territory; many colleges have tried and succeed at this before. In 2017, the University of Minnesota attempted a Swipe Out Hunger drive, and on the first day, got 300 donated meal swipes. Yes, their campus is bigger than TU’s, but imagine if we did get 300 meal donations. That’d go a lot further here than there. The second solution is an on-campus food pantry, which is becoming more frequent on campuses. In 2016, more than 300 campuses had food pantries. Again, there are options for this solution. University of Massachusetts Boston, for instance, requires some sort of statement of needs to access their food pantry, but others, like Norwalk Community College, don’t ask questions in hopes of destigmatizing access. These two solutions walk a fine line between giving help to those who truly need it and allowing free-loaders to take advantage. Such a food pantry can be run entirely by

courtesy National Student Campaign Against Hunger and Homelessness courtesy Wikimedia Commons Some schools have food pantries and offer donated food swipes to ensure that their students don’t go hungry.

Graphs and information are from “Hunger on Campus,” a report by James Dubick, Brandon Mathews and Clare Cady in October of 2016. The study sampled 3,765 students in 12 states from 8 community colleges and 26 fouryear colleges and universities.

5 March 2018

Variety

The Collegian: 9

“Twin Fantasy” remaster pleases fans old and new An homage to his growth as an artist and as a person, Will Toledo’s reworking of the 2011 indie cornerstone improves in many places and only falls short in a few. Hannah Kloppenburg Web Manager I have to admit I’m a sucker for music that tackles the topic of teenage disillusionment and self-discovery (think most pop punk bands and everything Lorde has ever written). Those kinds of emotions are universally relatable and easy to translate into music that has a poignant rawness and authenticity to it. Car Seat Headrest’s 2011 album “Twin Fantasy” has gained something of a cult following for being exactly that sort of music. Frontman Will Toledo took the aforementioned emotion a step further by re-releasing a remastered version of the album, which he originally recorded on his laptop in a closet at age 19. Since then, the band has expanded from a teen’s solo project into a four-piece indie punk outlet. The remaster has replaced the 2011 version on Spotify, but it’s still available for purchase on Bandcamp. The original “Twin Fantasy” is heavy on vocal overlays and crunchy guitar, with raw, emotional lyrics that fit solidly into a category I like to refer to as “Angry Sadboy.” In short, it’s exactly the sound you’d expect from a 19-year-old DIY-ing a solo album. And it’s excellent. 2011’s “Twin Fantasy” is witness to interesting guitar riffs and complex, interlocking rhythms. What I love about this album, and about Car Seat Headrest in general, is that the band takes repetitive melodies traditionally found in punk/pop punk music

This complexity makes for an engaging listening experience that still maintains a strong indie punk spirit. This, combined with the DIY vibe of the albums and lyrics that deal with coming out, nights of drunken debauchery and working through young relationships gives the entire work a deeply bittersweet and nostalgic feeling. I’m sure lots of CSH fans are skeptical about the re-release, and this makes sense. There have been too many remastered tracks and albums that have been a complete flop because they lost the rawness or vulnerability that made the original so powerful. Luckily, the remaster of “Twin Fantasy” is wildly successful in that regard. While the remaster features more intricate and professional production, it was done gracefully and showcases Toledo’s personal and musical growth. Don’t get me wrong, I have my qualms about some of the individual changes in sound. First of all, the instrumentation is definitely more produced. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but the album has certainly lost its “I made this LP in a closet during college” vibe. Sometimes this change works really well, sometimes it doesn’t. I felt that many of the tracks were improved by the care put into the remaster’s production. “Stop Smoking,” for example, sounds significantly better — it’s much crisper, and you hear all the intricacies of the acoustic riff that makes up the base of the song, rather than getting a muddy blend of bass-boosted static. “Cute Thing” and “Sober to Death” were similarly improved. However, other tracks like “Beach-Life-in-Death” and “Nervous Inhumans” really lost their punch. Toledo also simplified the structure of some of the tracks. 2018’s “Twin Fantasy” loses some of the experimentation with guitar that was dominant on the first version,

“[The original record] fit solidly into a category I like to refer to as ‘Angry Sadboy.’” and makes them more interesting. Toledo is not afraid to mix up song structures in unconventional ways or break off from a layering of guitar riffs to experiment with melodies, and he handles those changes in tone smoothly. For perspective, Toledo mentioned in a “Rolling Stone” interview that one of the tracks on the remaster had 20 different layered guitar parts in the opening section alone. “Back in July we had a version with about half a dozen, and it just felt empty,” he said. So yeah. That’s what we’re dealing with here.

which is kind of a bummer. However, he seems to have made up for it by experimenting with other instruments. Again, sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t. There were some regrettable drum machinerelated choices made on “Bodys,” but the remake of “Famous Prophets (Stars)” featured a lovely and moving piano outro. Though I wasn’t a fan of every change CSH made to the instrumentation on the remaster, I got the overall sense of a more mature, better-focused project. With all that said, I liked the overall sound of the remaster no more than 30 sec-

courtesy IMDb Will Toledo, Car Seat Headrest’s mastermind, wove his personal growth into his new record.

The remaster replaces the original album on most streaming services.

onds in because of the changes Toledo chose to make to his vocals. Rather than being drowned in crunchy punk-esque sound effects, they’re stripped down. As much as I love a good crunch, I think his voice really shines when it’s allowed to just do its thing. It has a raw vulnerability à la Conor Oberst that I really appreciate. Making the decision to remove a lot of the vocal effects shows maturity and more confidence in his own musical abilities. I could also understand the lyrics a lot better, which allowed me to catch some themes that I didn’t pick up on with the 2011 version. You can also see Toledo’s growth in the changes he makes to the album’s lyrics. He doesn’t change the majority of them, but words are switched up here and there. Most notably, he changes a spoken word bit in “Nervous Young Inhumans” from a reflection on a spurned love, in which he says, “This is the part of the song where I start to regret writing it,” to a self-reflection that begins, “I’m a good person. I’m a powerful person. I don’t believe in evil. I think

courtesy Matador Records

that evil is an idea created by others to avoid dealing with their own nature. I understand my own nature. Good and evil have nothing to do with it.” On the whole, I was impressed by the rerelease of “Twin Fantasy.” It takes a work that was probably significant personally, and certainly significant musically, and pays homage to it by revisiting it and reworking it. This is especially appropriate because of the album’s vulnerable tone,lyrically and musically. The themes of the album are finding yourself, working through the woes of youth, coming out, late nights, drunken mistakes, relationships, etc. These are subjects that change significantly in meaning when faced with personal growth, and Toledo uses the re-release to reflect upon those changes. In the remaster to “Twin Fantasy,” Toledo pays respects to who he was and who he’s become, and he does so with grace, with candor and with a meticulous and loving touch.

Variety

For a nice date night, try Keo

The Collegian: 10

Despite being upscale, the portions served at Keo can serve the hungriest patron, and the options available are nothing short of delicious. Michaela Flonard Managing Editor

Keo bills itself as a Thai restaurant, although a variety of cultures find their way into their dishes. The restaurant, which has two locations in the city, is a moderately upscale restaurant — somewhere you might take a nice date or for a night out on the town with besties, not necessarily just a place for a Thursday night. The menu at Keo is the perfect size, with enough variety without having an overwhelming number of choices. There are several options for fish, both raw and cooked, while also chicken, vegetarian and beef dishes abounding. The food comes from an assortment of areas. There are Malaysian style fried rice, Korean bibimbap and Cambodia stir fry. Two different burgers also find themselves on the menu. Entree prices range from $10, for a burger, to $19, for red curry udon. The dessert list is small but equally good, with a cheesecake and chocolate mousse, and the alcohol list was just as large as the rest of the menu, with a wide variety of sakes and mixed drinks. To start off the night, a friend and I tried the tuna nachos. We expected cooked tuna on top a bed of wonton nachos, but instead

got raw ahi tuna; this twist made them even better, as the smooth raw fish complemented the crunch of the chips nicely. The wonton chips themselves were amazing, with a lighter texture than tortilla chips, and the hoisin sauce gave the dish a touch of sweetness that made it delicious. For the main meal, I got the Vietnamese crepe with chicken, while another got the Korean bibimbap. The crepe was thin, folded over with ground chicken and sauce inside, with a side of salad. The sauce inside the crepe was amazing. It was slightly sweet, but mostly savory, and the chicken was perfectly moist. The crepe itself was a thin, interesting thing, with a hint of spice at the end. The bibimbap had a lot of flavor and a kick of spice but looked beautiful presentation-wise. The sunny-side up egg melded the rest of the ingredients together well. As an end to the night, we had the banana wonton dessert. Caramelized bananas were folded into tiny cigar-shaped wontons, surrounding a pile of homemade vanilla ice cream, covered in caramel sauce. The disappointing part of it all was there was only four wonton pieces; I would’ve preferred mostly wontons and little ice cream, as the latter’s much easier to obtain. The banana pieces were amazing — the wonton went from crunchy to soft and sweet in the middle and, when dipped in the ice cream, softened well. The ice cream was much better than vanilla soft serve; you could see the vanilla bean flecks. Overall, Keo has a lot of options for a nice dinner out on the town. The dishes all

5 March 2018

photo by Michaela Flonard The crepe, while thin, came with ingredients and a sauce that made it delectable.

are reasonably sized, though you may be able to bring some food home and certainly won’t be hungry. It’s a little on the more-

expensive side of Tulsa food, but it offers a different spin on cuisine and doesn’t have the greasy feel of cheap Asian takeout.

“The Road to Ellington” Avett Brothers concert a honors the jazz legend mix of dull and surprising Duke Ellington’s legacy as a jazz master isn’t forgotten in Sheridan Road’s vocal performance, composed to the tune of some of his most famous tracks. Lizzy Young Student Writer Jazz, civil rights and composing were all a big part of the life of jazz juggernaut Duke Ellington. Exploring these themes in “The Road to Ellington,” Sheridan Road put together a tribute to Ellington featuring many of his greatest hits. Sheridan Road is a Tulsa vocal jazz ensemble founded in 2012 by Dr. Barry Epperly. Their group consists of six vocalists, who all sang in the performance. Marla Patterson and Jennifer Wilson are the sopranos, Gwen Alley is the alto, Brian Wilson and Steve Raiford are the tenors and Barry Epperly is the bass. They were accompanied by special guest Donald Ryan on the piano and six other band members. The performance opened with Epperly providing some history about Duke Ellington, including his real name, Edward Kennedy. They called him one of the greatest composers of the 20th century. The first musical number, aptly titled “Duke’s Place,” featured all the vocalists and was upbeat with the frequent invitation to come to Duke’s place, which set the tone for a fun show. The most delightful aspect of the performance was the little tidbits of info about Ellington and his compositions, which the vocalists, Raiford and Epperly, provided

between numbers. The fun facts included motivations behind his compositions. He wrote a composition for the Civil Rights Movement, called “Black, Brown, and Beige.” Epperly informed the crowd one of the songs in that album, titled “Uncle Tom’s Cabin is a Drive-In Now,” actually prompted J. Edgar Hoover to investigate him. They also informed the audience his song, “I’m Beginning to See the Light,” was written by him as an initiation into the Freemasons. Along with providing biographical information about Ellington’s life, the vocalists joked with each other and invited audience participation. This aspect of the show made it feel like a small, intimate gathering of friends and family who enjoyed laughing and listening to jazz together. The rest of Act I was mainly composed of group vocal numbers, along with a couple of compositions just featuring the band. It closed on a high note with the toe-tapping number “It Don’t Mean a Thing.” Act II opened with the “highly philosophical song, ‘Bli-Blip,’” as Raiford jokingly introduced it. Unlike Act I, which featured mainly the vocalists as a group and band numbers, Act II mostly consisted of the vocalists singing solo and acapella numbers. The second act also featured pianist Donald Ryan soloing in the Ellington Interlude. The vocalists closed the show with Ellington’s most popular song, “Take the A Train.” Laughing, Raiford said, “You can’t have an Ellington show without the ‘A Train.’” This performance was the last one for vocalist Jennifer Wilson, who has been with the group from the beginning. It was also their last performance of the season. They will be announcing their schedule for the upcoming 2018-2019 season soon.

The Avett Brothers put on a great show for the end of the Cox Business Center’s run as a music hall. Sara Serrano Apprentice Editor

Friday, the Cox Business Center held its final concert, presenting the Avett Brothers, a folk music band from North Carolina. Going in, this was the extent of what I knew about them, so I really had no idea what to expect from the concert. My friend seemed excited though, and that kept me hyped despite our not-so-stellar view and my very broken seat. (Now I think I know why they’re retiring this place as a concert venue.) We got there pretty early, so I got a good sense of the crowd as they strolled in. The atmosphere among them was nice, like everyone knew each other, and no one was too rowdy — just a general buzz of excitement. There was a good mix of older people, families and hipster couples, but their one unifying characteristic was an intense affinity for buffalo plaid. I must have missed the dress code memo. After about an hour of waiting, the lights died, the music started and the crowd went wild. My immediate impression was that they had a bluegrass sound to them, which wasn’t surprising, considering their instrumentation of a violin, banjo, guitar, cello, piano, harmonica, an upright bass and drum

kit. From the moment they started playing, the band seemed into it, with the cellist jumping around while he played and the banjoist hitting intense lunges as he plucked away. Strangely, their songs all sounded vaguely similar and yet wildly different at the same time. They had their frantic bluegrass and folksie songs with fast-paced plucking and bows sawing across cello and violin strings. Then a soft, romantic song, with a single light illuminating the pianist or guitarist as the vocals rise to a delicate falsetto. But then I was at a hard rock concert, headbanging along with driving guitar solos and intense lyric delivery. To be honest, this wasn’t my kind of music. About halfway through, I’d gotten bored with the cutesy romance songs that had couples slow dancing in the aisles. But to their credit, they kept recapturing my attention with the more fiery pieces. A few moments in particular have stuck with me. At one point, the upright bassist went on a long solo that sounded like he was just tuning his bass in the middle of an otherwise fun song. Later, to the joy of the audience, Seth Avett came off stage and ran into the pit, which I guess justified those tickets being two hundred plus dollars. Two hours and two encores later, I can say the Avett Brothers certainly rocked the place. The connection between the band and the audience was genuine, felt in the promises to never “sell out” and an “I love you too” shouted in response to an excited fan in the nosebleeds.

photos by Sara Serrano The group’s homage to Duke Ellington was rife with humor and good vibes.

courtesy Sheridan Road

The venue, while lacking in acoustics, provided ample space for the Avett Brothers and their theatrics.

5 March 2018

Variety

The Collegian: 11

“Annihilation” is mysterious, gorgeous Alex Garland’s newest film improves upon the novel in most ways, but falls a tad short in that it holds the audience’s hand too much. Ethan Veenker Variety Editor “Nightmarish,” says Benedict Wong’s character, Lomax, in “Annihilation.” “Not always,” responds Natalie Portman’s character, Lena. “Sometimes it was beautiful.” “Annihilation,” Alex Garland’s recent two-hour film adaptation of the novel of the same name, by Jeff VanderMeer, is an enigma. The only thing I was really sure of when coming out of the theater was that I knew why I’d heard nothing good about this film. Everyone with whom I’ve spoken about it in person have all said the same thing: “Oh, I’ve heard awful things about that movie.” No one I know has actually seen the film. Despite its universally positive reception, my small social bubble is somewhat bristled to the film based on hearsay. This isn’t a unique feature of “Annihilation.” Every film has a reputation spread by word of mouth. This film, however, demands some attention and respect from its audience that I feel is not willingly given from everyone. It lies enshrouded beneath many layers of subtleties and easy-to-miss visual cues, but I imagine that even the most attentive filmgoers will be scratching their heads on the walk back to their car. This isn’t bad. I enjoyed this film and its unwillingness to completely let us in on its secret. As we follow Lena and her crew into the film’s twisted setting, we break from the desaturated, monotonous colors that fill the supposed real world in which we begin. As the pacing picks up and the characters all have their moments of introduction, we step alongside them into a world both mysterious and beautiful. Colors fill the screen, the palette taking on a shade from each corner of the rainbow.

suals. That is, a compelling collection of audio, both musical and ambient. I can never absolutely place myself with the characters because it sees as if at all times they travel silently through a silent land. This doesn’t seem to be the intended scenario, as they all respond and act as if they are in a lush, living environment, ripe with the racket of life. The climax, as well as a few other particularly grueling moments, take on a new layer of sound, however, giving the illusion that all the film’s ambience was saved for these scenes. Also disappointing is the film’s timidity. I commented earlier on its being an enigma, but too much of the plot is set in stone. The opening scene takes place chronologically last — or near-last — and this is no big spoiler, because the events of the film are immediately laid out before us, as are the fates of the supporting cast who, granted, we do not yet know. Each time the group of protagonists makes some shocking discovery or comes close to unleashing some chaotic feelings of anxiety, the audience is ripped back to this scene, or to a flashback. We are unable to revel in the feelings of the characters because we are constantly displaced, brought into the familiar, out of their unfamiliar. This is the crucial character-audience bond that the film lacks. This is not to say the film has bad characters. Of the film critics whose opinions I’ve happened to overhear or skim through, a common complaint is a lack of characters. I would say that all the characters (save for Jennifer Jason Leigh’s Dr. Ventress, who is consistently and unendingly grating throughout the film’s duration) are fairly well put together in just the few short sentences of backstory we’re given about each of them. We learn a key component of their past, and these things come back up. Their arcs are inverted, with them not changing as people so much as reverting to who they used to be. Lena is a harder nut to crack. As she is the main character, her arc is most important to the film. In the end we are left uncertain about her and her change. We know

“...[We] step alongside them into a world both mysterious and beautiful.” Indeed, each shot has something rainbowtinted about it. This is a central theme of “Annihilation” — its overall inclusion and cohesiveness, and not just of colors. The film falls unfortunately flat in what should be accompanying these gorgeous vi-

she learns something, but we are unsure as to what. This adds to the film’s shrouded nature and seems to be a hit-or-miss quality. I think it tends to the “hit” side, but there are plenty that disagree with me. I don’t like clarity in stories. I like being left in the dark, though not completely.

courtesy Paramount Pictures The poster, featuring almost solely Natalie Portman, is evidence enough of the issues some critics have with the characters.

I want a candle, or a swinging light bulb somewhere in the distance. I want to know that there is something else and that I am expected to get there on my own. “Annihilation,” for the most part, does this. Perhaps on my path they have placed a few more unnecessary lights, but they do far better than any other film I’ve seen this year. I’d like to end this review by discussing something everyone hates to hear about: the book, how I’ve read it and how it relates to the movie. I’ll cut to the chase: I did not like the book. The characters were cardboard, the emotions hard to grasp, the point-ofview flat, constantly ranging from dull to too much and even the prose, while delightfully ungrounded, lacked an important peppering of structure. The film either improves upon or sidesteps, by its nature, these issues. One thing the novel has over its big screen counterpart, however, is its absolute discon-

The shimmer features the film’s only splashes of color, emphasizing its importance in the film as it sucks the life, and thus color, out of all the characters.

nection from anything the reader could hope to understand. To borrow my earlier metaphor, I venture to suggest that the film leaves the reader with no distant light source, only a dark and beckoning nothing with the faintest hint of which direction in which to walk. The film has too much backstory, too much origin, at times even too much motivation. It’s a good film, a strong start for 2018, but its wannabe mystery is at times trumped by its tendency to over-explain or to underline for the benefit of the audience. Its biggest strength is just barely underutilized, but it shows. Alex Garland weaves a compelling story that leaves us wanting, but he does a little too much for us at times. I say let us drown, or at the most throw some rope a mile away. We’ll make it if we really want to.

courtesy IMDb

ORU’s “She Loves Me” a plain, entertaining production ORU’s production didn’t reinvent the wheel, instead presenting itself solidly and with humorous performances from the cast. Brennen Gray Apprentice Editor Oral Roberts University put on “She Loves Me” March 1 through 4. As musicals go, I found this one enjoyable. The acting did a satisfactory job of telling the story, the singing was strong and the production quality impressed me. Laura Holland Directed the musical. “She Loves Me” is a 1963 Broadway musical adapted from a 1937 play by Miklós László’s called Parfumerie. Another adaptation of the story is the 1998 movie “You’ve Got Mail.”

The plot involves two employees of Maraczeck’s Parfumarie: Georg Nowak, played by Timothy Conn and Amalia Balash, played by Amalia Heiser. They, through a lonely-hearts advertisement, became penpal lovers before the action of the play, without either one knowing who the other person is. When they start working together, they immediately despise each other while sending love letters to the other person unwittingly. Nowak discovers this first, which leads to him trying to find the right time to tell Balash. The other characters each have their own secrets that come out during the play. The plot unfolds as the audience learns what each of the minor characters is hiding. For example, Maraczeck, the shop’s owner, struggles with his personal life and keeping the shop open while his employees try to find love.

I’ll leave it unspoiled whether the lovers find out they have been working together. But rest assured, the ending is satisfying. With the acting, the treat was the humor. A few of the lines were not expertly delivered, and no one’s performance was perfect, but the overall acting made for good theater. However, audiences will be talking about the humor. Conn delivered his jokes in both acting and singing with perfect timing, and he rose above the rest of the cast doing so. Heiser came into her character well enough to deliver her lines with a subtle honesty. She was relatable and hilarious. The singing left little to be desired, and the orchestra left nothing. I found no opera singers, unfortunately, but the talent from ORU is there. Caleb Vaughn as the dastardly Steven Kodaly stood out to me the most. He may have erred on the side of too much vi-

brato, but I felt like his ostentatious villain of a character would sing the same way. I hope to hear him sing in the future. I have no commentary on the set and general production. The Maraczek’s store looked just as it should have. The props provided proper utility, and the cast used them well. The choreography with the spinning bar stools was quite fun. The production served its purpose well. Any audience loves a story about two lovers that hate each other. I laughed, I wanted the characters to have their way and the story took me away from life for a while. “She Love Me”It mademakes for a heartwarming story for anyone who did not have their fill from Valentine’s Day. Well done, ORU.

The State-Run Media

5 March 2018

the

State-Run media Sexy Trump will be the death of me.

Former Trump aide indicted for Tupac’s murder

Head of Ukrainian Relations Sasha Popov now faces life in prison for crimes against hip hop. Conner Maggio Ya girl keeps pagin’ me

Sexy ways to die, rated Madison Connell Not a necrophiliac

Let’s face it, death is hot. Our readers submitted their favorite ways of dying, and I, a person who is truly dead on the inside, rated these methods on how hot I feel each method is. • “Death by midterms.” Relatable, but not sexy enough. C-/10 • “He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife 10 times.” Okay, Brenda from Chicago, we get it, you like musicals. 8/10 • “A quiet death in your sleep.” Too anticlimactic. Really, that’s the hottest thing you could think of? 2/10 • “Died of a broken heart.” *Cue my Taylor Swift breakup playlist* 9/10 • “Death by too much Viagra.” Man, this is a hard one. 6/9 • “Death by little kids asking you too many questions.” Why? ?/10 • “Death by having too good of sex.” Greg, no matter how many times you ask me, no, I’m not sleeping with you. 0/10 • “Death by embarrassment.” Honey, if you could be killed by that, I would have lived past nei ther my middle school emo phase nor my Belieber stage. 4/10 • “Death by having your eyeball licked and being too grossed out about it.” Okay, Satan daddy, that’s kinky. 12/10 • “Death by cannibal vegans.” Do you even know the definition of a vegan? Although “Vegans Gone Wild” would be a great

name for a horror movie … On second thought, 11/10 • “Getting pulled up into the vortex of a tornado filled with sharks.” An Oklahoman’s wet dream. 13/10 • “Choking to death on peanut butter.” A sticky situation to be in. 9/10 • “Listening to Justin Bieber.” I’m still a Belieber at heart. 1/10 • “Dying next to your true love.” Didn’t you hear romance is dead? 4/10 • “Death by Tide pods.” The ultimate meme-worthy death. 10/10 • “Running out of gas on train tracks and watching your life flash before your eyes as the train approaches.” A true movie-worthy death. 11/10 • “Death by injecting too many marijuanas.” How high were you while writing this? 4/20 • “Roller coaster car goes off the rails.” Thrill ride of your life. 9/10 • “Getting run over by a reindeer.” 5/10. Bonus points if you are a grandma. • “Death by bra strangulation.” Affects almost 50 percent of the population. 5/10 • “Sunburned to death.” The tale of a redhead outside for longer than five minutes. 10/10 • “Mansplained to death.” Well, actually … 1/10 • “Being launched by a giant slingshot over a thousand-foot chasm filled with venomous elephant sized tarantulas, all while on fire, then getting into a car accident while driving home from the whole slingshot ordeal.” Kinda hot. 10/10

Sunday, March 4th, special counsel Robert Mueller finally indicted former Trump aide, Sasha “Face Shooter” Popov on at least a dozen charges, most notably being the killing of Tupac “Tupac” Shakur. Popov, who was traced to Las Vegas on the night of Tupac’s murder, was placed on the scene of the murder by newfound DNA evidence that came from an Adidas tracksuit that was tossed out of the window of the vehicle that shot Tupac. Popov was also known to be active on various hip hop forums, trying to sow the seeds of distrust in America by having really shitty opinions about music. Known by his American alias, Johnathan Johnny Smith, Popov authored such terrifying comments as “Kanye is the worst performer of our generation”, “Kendrick is overhyped” and “Hopsin is the best rapper alive” showing the true merciless nature of Russian trolls. Mueller was quoted as saying “When we traced him back to Tupac, I knew he had to pay” before putting on stylish sunglasses and riding away on his motorcycle, presumably to find more Russian trolls to nab. He however failed to mention the 90 other crimes that Popov was convicted for. Which include the starting the feud between Drake and Meek Mills, dissing Lil B and popularizing the phrase “I listen to every-

thing except rap and country.” All attempts to further alienate the American people from each other. In addition to the murder of Tupac, Popov is allegedly also responsible for the death of Biggie Smalls. Reportedly Popov had deep connections with Suge Knight over twenty one years ago, but had broken connections with him after Popov had murdered Biggie and Tupac. Popov was quoted as calling Suge “A man somehow more evil than me” shortly after denying Popov health benefits. Popov had also had a hand in several other non-hip hop related crimes that have shaken our country. According to spy intel from the FBI, he had given the detective in the Nicole Brown Simpson and OJ case, Mark Fuhrman, two size small gloves for his birthday. Then he had bought a Yacht for the family of Natalie Woods and oiled all of the surfaces on the boat. Popov also had helped the Zodiac Killer create cyphers with some of Russia’s top spy agencies. And also repeated Jaywalking. The FBI could never track him down however, mostly because he only communicates via carrier pigeon, and changes his alias after each crime. Popov was caught by the investigation when he had reported on his taxes that he only had made twenty thousand dollars last year, but somehow had enough money to donate twenty Lamborghinis to an orphanage in Alaska that mysteriously did not have an address. Sasha Popov faces life in prison for ten charges of crimes against hip hop, six misdemeanors, three war crimes, and four counts of murder.

“...Kanye is the worst performer of our generation...”

After epically surviving all this, you die.

graphic by Conner Maggio

Trump blames deepfakes for all of ‘his’ inflammatory comments

The world feels sympathy for Trump, who says #MeToo when it comes to deepfakes. Sara Serrano Feels bad for The Don

In the wake of the deepfake crisis, Donald Trump is now claiming that every controversial comment that people have quoted him on has in fact been the work of deepfake fabricators. Deepfakes are videos that feature realistic face-swaps, usually celebrities’ faces digitally stitched onto other bodies. More recently, however, this meme material has shifted to have more erotic motivations. “Deepfake” is now a trending search topic on popular porn sites, with fake sex tapes of celebrities, such as Gal Gadot and Emma Watson, garnering tens of thousands of views. Like these women, Trump says that he too is a victim of deepfakes. “The fake news media puts the Trump name on all these terrible things that I’ve never said and then they call me a liar when I deny them!” said President Donald Trump at a special White House Press Briefing last week. “You can’t trust their footage, folks. They’re all deepfakes.” This revelation is stunning, considering

Trump deepfaked onto Ron Jeremy’s luscious body.

how many times Trump has been “caught in a lie” by the press. The President pointed to a few different instances were his words were falsified. “Like during my very successful campaign. People were saying that I made fun of that one disabled reporter. I never did that, and I told everyone that, and then they pull out this video of me mocking him during a speech, and everyone believes them!” Trump continued, “And it’s not just that! The thing about the ‘shithole countries,’

graphic by Conner Maggio

Mexico, even the pee tape!” This has elicited sympathy from his colleagues and peers. “I always thought that the Donald on the television and the one I met in person were vastly different people,” said former Secretary of State and 2016 Democratic Presidential Nominee Hillary Clinton. “Now I know why. I’d really like to apologize to all the awful things I’ve said about him.” “I don’t know why we didn’t catch this earlier,” said Speaker of the House Paul

Ryan. “The facial expressions in those videos never looked very human.” However, some experts in the field feel the need to silence yet another victim of abuse. “It just doesn’t add up,” said Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel. “When I first heard about this, I consulted some of the programmers in charge of our app’s lenses and faceswap tech. They told me that tracking Trump’s face with the precision necessary to make it look realistic would be incredibly difficult, even for professionals. The AI we have right now just isn’t advanced enough.” Despite this, the FBI is now halting the Russia probe to investigate which news networks had a part in creating these deepfakes. “It doesn’t seem right to continue the investigation into the Trump campaign when it now looks like a great deal of it was faked,” said FBI Special Counsel Robert Mueller. “We need to take a comprehensive look into what was real and what wasn’t if we are to proceed, and the only way to do that is to see which organizations or parties are guilty of deepfaking.” With this deepfake issue only going to get worse in the future, President Trump offers this piece of advice: “If you see a video of me saying something outrageous, just don’t believe it. It’s fake news.”