The Docket - April 2019

THE

DOCKIT tHe OFFficiAl puBlicatioN of the LaKe KoUnty Bar aSSsociatIon • Vol. 26 No. 4 • April 2019

Read this magazine or we’ll make this dog the LCBA Comfort Dog

IN 2018 EVERYONE WAS OFFENDED BY EVERYTHING, SO TO KEEP THINGS ROLLING, WE PRESENT the 2019

DOCKIT APRIL FOOL’S EDITION LAKE COUNTY MILLENIAL LAW

ALL READERS, OF ANY POLITICAL BELIEF, SHOULD PLAN TO BE OFFENDED. GET THEE TO A SAFE SPACE.

CONFERENCE ROOM For meetings only. Seats 16 – 20 comfortably During business hours (8 am – 5 pm) • Member- Free • Non-Member $150/1st hour. $50/hour after • Non-Member, Not-for-Profit: $25/hour

2019 LCBA OFFICE RENTAL PRICING

After Hours (5 pm – 9 pm) • Member - $25 per hour • Non-Member – Not Available • Non-Member, Not-for-Profit: $50 per hour

MEMBER CENTER “The Bar” Accommodates up to 100 people During business hours (8 am – 5 pm) Members (add $25/hour for after hour events) • Meeting only (individual or group, no food or beverages served: Free • Self-Service reception or party (provide own alcoholic beverages): $50 per hour • Hosted beer & wine reception or party (beer & wine provided by Association): $250/ 1st hour, $50/hour after Non-Members: (add $50/hour for after hour events) • Meeting only (individual or group, no food or beverages served): $50 per hour • Self-Service reception or party (provide own alcoholic beverages and food): $300/ 1st hour, $50/hour after • Hosted beer & wine reception or party – Not Available Non-Member, Not-for-Profit: (add $25/hour for after hour events) • Meeting only (individual or group, no food or beverages served): $25 per hour • Self-Service reception or party (provide own alcoholic beverages and food): $150/1st hour, $25/hour after • Hosted beer & wine reception or party – Not Available Association Committee Meetings (Conference Room or Member Center) Without beer & Wine - Free With Hosted Beer & Wine - $150 flat fee (for 5 – 15 people), $200 (over 15 people) Room rentals are based on availability. Rentals include use of A/V already in room (phone, TV, Speaker. WIFI).

All rentals include free parking in our large, well-lit, 45 vehicle parking lot adjacent to the LCBA building.

Contact the LCBA Office at 847-224-3143 or info@lakebar.org

Contents THE DOCKIT • Vol. 26, No. 4 • April 2019 FEATURES

8 Court Announces New Process to Select Next Associate Judge 10 Prairie State Adopts New Name and Fundraisers 12 Millennial Criminal Court Tower

A publication of the

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300 Grand Avenue, Suite A Waukegan, Illinois 60085 (847) 244-3143 • Fax: (847) 244-8259 www.lakebar.org • info@lakebar.org THE DOCKET EDITORIAL COMMITTEE Jeffrey A. Berman,Co-Editor Hon. Charles D. Johnson,Co-Editor Jennifer C. Beeler Hon. Michael J. Fusz Deborah L. Goldberg Hon. Daniel L. Jasica Sarah A. Kahn Kevin K. McCormick Hon. Raymond J. McKoski Tracy M. Poulakidas Stephen J. Rice Neal A. Simon Hon. ­­­James K. Simonian Michael S. Strauss Rebecca J. Whitcombe Alex Zagor STAFF Dale Perrin Executive Director Jose Gonzalez Membership Coordinator

AD SIZE 1/8 Page 1/4 Page 1/2 Page Full Page Inside Front or Inside Back Cover

Back Cover

ONE ISSUE

6 ISSUES

Cliento: Review your Clients!

16

You Need to Know: New Courthouse Policies 20 Emergency Motions for the Millennially Correct Judicial Circuit 22

Heads Up!

26

Le Cuisine de Waukegan

COLUMNS

2 President’s Page South Entrance Reopened!

6 Bar Foundation Foundation Funding Outside the Box

BY JEFFREY A. BERMAN, PRESIDENT

24 The Meeting Minutes February 21, 2019

BY SHYAMA S. PARIKH

LCBA EVENTS

IFC 2019 LCBA Office Rental Pricing 3 Member Reception 5 Millennially Correct Judicial Circuit 7 LCBA Office Space 15 Doctor-Lawyer Dinner 17 Overheard in the Courthouse 19 Law Day 2019 28 Monthly Committee Meetings

BY BRIAN J. LEWIS, PRESIDENT

4 The Chief Judge’s Page Excerpts From The Chief Judge’s February 5, 2019 State of the Courts Address:

BY CHIEF JUDGE JAY W. UKENA

12 ISSUES

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Reproduction in whole or part without permission is prohibited. The opinions and positions stated in signed material are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the Association or its members.

All submitted manuscripts are considered by the Editorial Board. All letters to the editor and articles are subject to editing. Publications of advertisements is not to be considered as an endorsement of any product or service advertised unless otherwise stated.

South Entrance Reopened!

I

am thrilled to announce that effective April 1, the Washington Street entrance to the Lake County Courthouse will reopen.

Now we will have access to the courthouse via three entrances — the north, south and new court tower.

The process of effectuating this change has been

2018-19 OFFICERS & DIRECTORS Brian J. Lewis President Stephen J. Rice First Vice President Patricia L. Cornell Second Vice President Joseph M. Fusz Treasurer Shyama S. Parikh Secretary Jennifer J. Howe Immediate Past President Tara R. Devine Torrie M. Newsome Hon. Christen L. Bishop Katharine S. Hatch David R. Del Re Thomas A. Pasquesi

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arduous. It began the same day of the dedication of the new court tower — within fifteen minutes of the completion of that ceremony, I held a meeting outside the locked doors of the south entrance.

There was a method behind my madness of wrangling Chief Judge Ukena and Deputy Chief Karen Serzynski to stand by the south entrance as the hundreds of attendees at the dedication scrambled to get back into the building. Simply arguing that there were not enough entrances would not do — seeing would be believing. And it worked.

On the spot, I was granted a follow up meeting to explore the issue.

In the months that followed, I hosted hundreds of meetings with the powers that be. Some of those meetings were clandestine (at the Burgundy Room, obviously) at the request of the attendees who did not want to appear to be breaking rank. Below are some of the highlights

The

President’s Page

from my meetings: My friend and past LCBA President Don Morrison opposed the opening of the south entrance (hereinafter referred to as “The Lewis Initiative”), but only because of his close friendship with many judges. Don said, “Brian, you’re nuts. The judges will never agree with your initiative to unlock the doors. They were reasonable before getting on the bench, but that all changed once they got their robes.” I thanked Don for his wisdom, but realized that he was also motivated by wanting to remain one of the best LCBA Presidents ever, and my success with The Lewis Initiative would threaten his legacy. So I moved on.

Next, I arranged a meeting with my friend and immediate Past President, Jennifer Howe.

Jennifer laughed at me.

In fact, she couldn’t stop

BY BRIAN J. LEWIS PRESIDENT laughing. “For nearly half of my term as President I had to deal with the s#@tstorm of executive director theft, and your big “problem” is a locked door?!” I moved on again (and I don’t even think Jennifer noticed that I left her office because she was still laughing uncontrollably).

Finally, I spoke with Chief Judge Ukena. On behalf of the LCBA members and the legal community at large, I begged. I pointed out how opening the south entrance would

allow easier access to the clerk’s office. As an alternative, I even suggested dedicating the south entrance solely to employees and lawyers (with a Bar Association court access pass, of course). This would lighten the load at the other entrances.

Judge Ukena held his ground . . . until I reminded him who was standing over my shoulder ready to take the reigns — “Badger” Stephen Rice. His face went blank, as if he had seen a ghost. Clearly Judge Ukena knows, like the rest

of us, that once President Elect Rice sinks his teeth into an issue, he won’t let go. He will (literally) not work at his real job until he gets what he wants for the LCBA. He has been known to waste entire weekends drawing pie charts. Don’t mess with Badger Steve.

In the end, The Lewis Initiative prevailed. I am proud of this accomplishment and hope you think of me when using the south entrance. Indeed, next year by April Fool’s Day the south entrance will be named after yours truly.

To cover budget shortfalls, the County

Board Room will be used as a nightclub on Friday and Saturday nights.

MEMBER RECEPTION SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITIES LCBA Member Receptions will generally be held on the 4th Thursday of every month.

Your $500 sponsorship includes: Recognition in advertising before the event and on signage at the event

Contact Dale Perrin at dale@lakebar.org to add your name to a reception.

Reception from 4:30 – 6:30 p.m.

Complimentary beer and wine.

Upgrades available for additional fee.

April 2019

3

Excerpts from the Chief Judge’s February 5, 2019 State of the Courts Address:

T

he state of the Lake County Courts is strong….stronger than it has ever been, in fact. It is no exaggeration to say that I have accomplished more in my first eighteen months as Chief Judge than all of my predecessors in this Office ever accomplished in the history of Lake County. I have done an outstanding job.

Did you know?

Due to dwindling participation, this year’s LCBA golf outing will be held at Par King.

The floor in courtroom T-812 rolls away to uncover a glass covered shark tank.

A secret underground network of pneumatic tubes connect the Waukegan courthouse with the branch courts to safely move judges between the buildings.

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It all began at my swearing-in in January 2017. The largest crowd ever attended this momentous event in the old ceremonial courtroom. An overflow crowd of perhaps millions packed Lincoln Plaza to hail my arrival.

We have the photos of this event…and they do not lie.

Biggest swearing in ever!

I erected and opened the new Ukena Criminal Court Tower. The naysayers claimed it would never get built. But it was. Perhaps somewhat belatedly and considerably over budget but, I’ll tell you, it was worth the wait and every extra penny. It’s spectacular…the nicest building ever to grace the downtown Waukegan skyline beyond doubt. And that is a very high bar, I must say. I encourage you to stop by to pay homage to me at this shrine to my greatness.

Now, some of you may have heard rumors that, in an effort to reduce costs associated with my new tower, the third and fourth floors of the new Ukena Criminal Court Tower were

The

Chief Judge’s Page not completed. I’m here to tell you this is not true.

It is fake news. As I speak, work is continuing around the clock on these floors.

The grand opening of the Ukena Boutique and Gift Shop is now scheduled to open by Summer 2019 on the third and fourth floors of my new building. There you will be able to buy all manner of exclusive Ukena-branded apparel, foodstuff, and judicial-wear, including examples from my latest Scuffed Boat Shoe and Vintage Knit Tie Collections. These will be the finest quality products you will be able to find east of Green Bay Road and north of 14th Street in Lake County. (Follow me on Twitter feed @The RealDealJay and you will receive 10% off your first purchase).

But I have done far more than simply bring architectural greatness and high fashion to the northeast corner of Lake County. I have also single-handedly implemented

BY CHIEF JUDGE JAY W. UKENA electronic filing of court documents here in Lake County. I have authorized the procurement of the first new electronic case management system since the 1980s. This new case management system will finally break our dependency on a DOS-based CRIMS record-keeping system that has held us back for far too long and made us the laughingstock of other first-world Illinois court systems. It’s time to make Lake County great again!

And I am doing just that.

Under my leadership, a wave of newly-elected County officials swept into office. These winning officials wisely chose to ride my coattails and align themselves with me. People said it could not happen here in Lake County.

Those people were proven wrong. And I rightfully claim full credit for leading this draining of the Lake County swamp.

Now, I understand that traditionally the Office of the Chief Judge has rotated

STATE OF ILLINOIS )

) SS MILLENNIALLY CORRECT JUDICIAL CIRCUIT) ADMINISTRATIVE ORDER NO. 18-19 IT IS HEREBY ORDERED that the Courts of the Millennially Correct Judicial Circuit Court of Lake County, will be closed on shall not allow the following holidays in 2019.

every two years between the Circuit County Judges based on seniority. But, folks, I gotta be honest with you. When I look around at the other potential candidates for Chief Judge, I see a bunch of losers, has-beens, and low-energy people. I’m just telling you the way it is…none of those other elitist judges can do what I have done.

That is why, I am declaring by Administrative Order that my term of Chief Judge is being extended indefinitely. It works in Russia, it’s work-

ing in the Philippines and various other sh&*hole countries around the world, and it will work here in Lake County too. Rule of law, schmool of law. I have already marshalled the considerable assets of the Court Security Division of the Lake County Sheriff’s Office and they are all 100% supporting me in declaring Ukena Law. So, I say again, the state of the Lake County Court is strong. Stick with me and together I can accomplish great things.

God bless me, and God bless all I stand for.

Tuesday January 1 Monday January 21

Tuesday February 12 Monday February 18 Friday April 19 Monday May 27 Thursday July 4 Monday September 2 Monday, October 14

Monday November 11

Wednesday November 27 Thursday November 28 Friday November 29 Monday December 1 Tuesday December 24 Wednesday December 25

New Year’s Day1 Martin Luther King, Jr. Day Civil Rights Legends Day2 Lincoln’s Birthday3 President’s Day (Observed)4 Good Friday5 Memorial Day6 Independence Day7 Labor Day8 Columbus Day Indigenous People’s Day9 Veterans Day Veterans of War and Peace (Observed)10 Blackout Wednesday11 Thanksgiving Day12 Day after Thanksgiving Day13 Cyber Monday14 Christmas Eve15 Christmas Day16

1 Most believe that the definition of “Year” discriminates against those who have a different calendar, so we cannot celebrate a “New Year” when it is debatable when the year begins and ends.

2 Since we cannot single out one civil rights figure over another 3 Since the federal government cannot celebrate Lincoln’s Birthday, we cannot also set aside a separate birthday for him. Besides, that plays favorites. Moreover, it represents conflict between us and someone else, and we can’t have that.

4 Most believe that some of the presidents owned slaves and did other things we are against, so we cannot be compelled to celebrate the ones we don’t like.

5 One cannot be compelled to celebrate one religion without offending those who do not celebrate. Besides, why is that Friday any better than the others? Then we’re making other Fridays feel inferior.

6 I don’t know any veterans, so we can’t be forced to celebrate it.

7 We cannot celebrate our independence while others are not independent.

8 Not everybody works, so we can’t leave people with nothing to celebrate.

9 We can no longer honor a man who enslaved others like, you know so many others in American history.

10 The holiday must allow for the celebration of those who sacrificed in both war and peace 11 Finally! Something we can celebrate. High-five me on that.

12 Celebrate a tribe being slaughtered in a genocide? We can do gratitude without it.

13 The day afterward is no better, 14 There’s movement to make the holiday last all week.

15 Celebrate one religion over another? I thought we covered that.

16 Only OK if it’s called “Holiday for All Religions, Including those without Religion”

April 2019

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Foundation Funding Outside the Box

A

s the members of the Lake County bar are painfully aware by now, the Bar Foundation is constantly in search of money needed to fulfill its primary objective to serve the bar and broader community as the philanthropic arm of the Bar Association.

After an extensive analysis of existing conditions and options, the Foundation Board has concluded that we have no choice but to go “all out,” because “this situation absolutely requires a Board of Trustees Jeffrey A. Berman President Carey J. Schiever Vice President Joann M. Fratianni Secretary Perry S. Smith Jr. Treasurer Melanie K. Rummel Immediate Past President Jennifer L. Ashley Nandia P. Black Patricia L. Cornell Douglas S. Dorando Hon. Fred Foreman (Ret.) Scott B. Gibson Kenneth J. Glick David J. Gordon Keith C. Grant Amy L. Lonergan Fredric B. Lesser Steven P. McCollum Michael G. Nerheim Mark B. Peavey Nicholas A. Riewer Hon. Henry C. Tonigan (Ret.) Hon. Joseph R. Waldeck (Ret.) Brian J. Wanca

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really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part.” Fortunately, we are just the folks to do it. I am thus pleased to announce that the Foundation Board has adopted a series of new, outside-the-box fundraising initiatives designed to diversify and contemporize its revenue sources.

First, since no one has yet been induced to lease Unit C of the headquarters building, the Foundation has taken control of that space and has submitted its Video Gaming Location License Application pursuant to 230 ILCS 40/1 et seq. to the Illinois Gaming Board to establish a video gaming parlor. After extensively wining and dining City authorities, the Foundation has secured all necessary licenses and permits to install a dozen “video gaming terminals” (aka video slots and video poker machines) in the facility. Clearly, in the Board’s view, the amount of money that can siphoned from the membership, as they soporifically while away their hours in the thrall of these recreational “gaming” machines, far eclipses any rental income that could have been derived from the space. If even conservative

BY JEFFREY A. BERMAN PRESIDENT estimates of average net terminal income (after the State grabs its 30%) come to fruition, moreover, the Board has committed that our first philanthropic gesture would be to return the past year’s “check off” funds to the LCBA, because we know just how much those folks are in desperate need of money themselves.

Second, motivated by the soon to be enacted Supreme Court Rule 420 (see In Brief on page 22), the Foundation has obtained an exclusive area license to serve as the official cannabis concessionaire for the Lake County trial bar.

Under a modified lease agreement with the Association, the current member lounge and bar will be converted to an official Bar Weed Bar and Hookah Lounge. All profits from marijuana product sales will be shared equally be-

tween the Foundation and Association (assuming that anyone on either Board, or the staff, can still do the math at that point).

Third, in an effort to engage in a bit of “horizontal marketing” related to the new Weed Bar operations, the Foundation also will be using a portion of Unit C as a “Bar Munchies Bar” where Association members will be able to purchase on demand a wide array of snack foods, such as Doritos,

Cheetos, Twinkies, Oreos, Cheez Whiz, Rice Krispie Treats, Pop Tarts, Totino’s Pizza rolls, and Ben & Jerry’s Half-Baked Ice Cream.

Res ipsa loquitor. All profits from the Bar Munchies Bar will go to the Foundation’s philanthropy fund and be used to make grants to the Betty Ford Clinic’s planned new Lake Bluff / Lake Forest facility.

Fourth, as the federal government’s financial travails continue with no end in sight, the Foundation has decided to administer a new form of a GoFundMe initiative called “Waukegan-To-Congress.” Motivated by the inane rantings of certain notorious neophyte members of our national legislature, and other infamous denizens of the nation’s capital, the purpose of the fund is to raise money to help restart the federal government, directly or indirectly. Any money raised will be used to pay directly for key government operations when practicable or, more ideally, to identify local youth who are better qualified to operate the government than the “adults” in charge at the moment and paying to send them to Congress.

Any direct governmental use of the funds will be

Did you know?

Citing his ninja skills, LCBA President Brian Lewis declined a security detail while in office.

restricted so that they cannot be spent on “infrastructure” located in Texas, Arizona, New Mexico or California. To facilitate the effort, the Foundation has formed a subsidiary Section 501(c)(4) non-profit Corporation named “Waukegan-To-Congress” to receive the GoFundMe contributions. In keeping with the Congress’ (and Illinois Legislature’s) view of other-people’s money, moreover, the Foundation will retain 70% of the funds raised through this initiative as an “administrative fee.”

Lastly, the Foundation Board has tabled consideration of an additional proposal to establish, using federal grant funding, a dormitory-style, seasonal homeless shelter in the basement of the LCBA headquarters. The shelter proposal conceptually would allow for multi-faceted, productive use of the largely-unused space below grade and would be projected to generate a significant net income stream. During critical cold weather months, the shelter would be open at night to house the local homeless population. At other times of the year, or when it is not full, the bunks would be made available to Association members who are too “baked” to drive, and too broke to hire an Uber, after visiting the newly-enhanced Association headquarters facility. Consensus could not be achieved, however, on whether operating the shelter actually would be within the core competencies of our staff.

In the end, the choice was made to defer a decision on the shelter proposal because dealing with the four hundred pages of onerous conditions included on the federal grant application simply struck some as in-

volving too many “negative waves.” In the meantime, instead, a dozen sleeping bags have been purchased and will be used for an informal “member buzz tank.”

Happy April Fools! Or, is it?

Your New Office Could be in the LCBA Building

• • • • • • • • •

Furnished Approximately 2,000 square feet Two blocks from the courthouse Two private offices Conference room Large reception area Men’s and women’s bathrooms Small kitchen Free parking for staff and clients

Available Now Contact Dale Perrin at dale@lakebar.org to view the property and get more details.

April 2019

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C

hief Judge Jay Ukena shocked the Nineteenth Judicial Circuit when he announced the Supreme Court has approved a new, experimental process to select the next Associate Judge for our court. “In a nutshell,” said the Chief Judge, “the next Associate will be chosen ‘Hunger Games Style’.”

The concept has evolved from the popular literary and film series that starred Jennifer Lawrence as the lead protagonist, Katniss Everdeen, who voluntarily takes her younger sister’s place in the Hunger Games: a televised competition in which two teenagers from each of twelve Districts of a post-apocalyptic country, Panem, are chosen at random to fight to the death, with only one participant expected to survive as the “winner.”

In the Nineteen Judicial Circuit adaptation of the Hunger Games-style contest, each applicant who applies for Associate Judge and agrees to participate will be dumped in a New Jersey wilderness area, where all contemporary societal rules and mores have been suspended.

The final contestant to remain standing will become the next Associate Judge.

Asked why New Jersey was chosen as the proper venue, the Chief Judge replied: “haven’t you heard,

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everything is legal in New Jersey.” He also warned: “You should keep in mind that this will be a real forest, with dangerous wildlife and harmful insects.” Among others, the particular wilderness area chosen for the contest reportedly is teeming with bears, wolves, hawks, and recent immigrants.

Contestants will be issued knives and will be expected to hunt and fish to eat. The rules state bluntly: “Everything is allowed. Fighting, alcohol, murder, smoking, mayhem, chance medley, over-long briefing, anything.”

The rules may appear shocking, but the Chief Judge added, “when you think about it, the contest really isn’t terribly far removed from the experience of the first year of law school, or for many, the sixth year of partner track practice at a large firm.” He also pointed out that the Supreme Court will issue an order immunizing all of the contest organizers and the current members of the Judiciary, stating: “We will be protected from any claim by any of the participants, even if they are killed.” He continued, “the rules and conditions, including the new immunity, will be spelled out in a document to be signed by each participant before the start of the contest.” Finally, he added, the Supreme Court will also suspend the

rules of contra proferentem for this purpose, “so we don’t want to hear later that the document was ambiguous; that won’t work.”

There will be no film crew. However, the whole “games” area will be dotted with 2,000 fixed cameras, and each participant will be carrying a portable camera with a 7-hour life rechargeable battery, or at least that is what Apple claims the battery life to be. Footage from the judicial survival contest will be available online 24/7 on Lake County’s website, and edited compilations will be broadcast on cable on LCTV. The Supreme Court believes this format will attract a more robust group to the bench, particularly Judges who will be willing to make forceful decisions and rule decisively. “It will be necessary to act intuitively, rather than following rules or instructions, so that may or may not be a challenge for most members of the Lake County bar,” said one anonymous Circuit Judge when reached for comment. That Judge added, “for the local judiciary, who are suffering from ‘acute appointment fatigue’ after filling a veritable spate of recent openings on the Court, this will be a welcome respite and diversion.”

Of course, there will be some safety precautions in

place. Each participant will have a panic button linked to a satellite. But, the Chief Judge cautioned, “while contestants who use the panic button, if reached in time, will be evacuated from the contest, they will not be allowed to return and will be barred from ever again applying for appointment as Judge in Lake County.”

The stakes in this judicial survival contest will be high and the reward equally so. The one contestant who emerges will receive the next appointment as Associate Judge. He or she will still be in Tier 2 for pension purposes, and will still be assigned to branch court, however.

Did you know?

To avoid allergies, Lake County Support Dogs Mitch and Hitch are being substituted with robot dogs.

The Small Claims division has been renamed the United Airlines Small Claims division after its naming rights were sold.

New Local Rule: Baristas can be barristers but barristers cannot be baristas.

April 2019

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PRAIRIE STATE

adopts new name and fundraisers FACED WITH INCREASING NEED AND ECONOMIC PRESSURE, PRAIRIE STATE LEGAL SERVICES HAS ANNOUNCED A NEW NAME AND FUNDRAISING EFFORTS FOR ITS WAUKEGAN OFFICE.

H

enceforth, the organization will be known as Prairie State Legal Services and Day Spa (PSLSDS), dedicated to providing legal and personal services of multiple natures.

With the reality of diminishing governmental grants and private donations, the legal services provider is seeking to become more financially self sufficient, and to provide services to a wider range of client. In addition to saving clients’ homes, utilities, children, jobs, and other benefits, PSLSDS will now save clients’ complexions, nails, hair, and overall youth. The new services should fit in well with the gentrification of the neighborhood, characterized by the opening of the Fred Foreman Criminal Court Tower and Palace.

“When you think about it,” said Sam “Ginger” DiGrino, Managing Director of PSLSDS, “we’ve been doing this all along. We massage the cases until they’re ready; we polish the facts until they’re ready for presentation; we comb through the evidence; we wax rhapsodic when we can help poor people. This isn’t all that different.” Services will be provided on a sliding scale, with many clients at or below poverty level receiving the services without cost, and private clients charged appropriately. Unhappily, transportation and parking will remain problematic issues.

The organization is looking into valet parking.

The change will come as a surprise to the public, but no more so than to the legal staff. One younger attorney, under promise of confidentiality, confessed to being ambivalent. “I don’t really like to touch other people,” he confessed, “but, the tips will pay off at least one year of my 15 year student loan schedule.” He did profess a dislike of

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the Spa music and feng shui furniture moves which are anticipated. Since all of the desks have been moved to face east, some of the offices are difficult to enter or exit.

A private attorney, who regularly donates to PSLSDS, was surprised, but not displeased by the announcement.

“Wow,” she said. “You mean I can now take a tax deduction for my full head foils? It’s a win/win!”

While the hours and schedules have yet to be set, it is anticipated that the standard Court schedule will be duplicated. Appointments can be specially set, and certain Court holidays will be observed.

Other offices of Prairie State are following Waukegan’s lead, but with their own flavor. The Ottawa and Peoria offices, for example, will now be known as Prairie State Legal and Large Animal Veterinary Services, in tribute to their client base. McHenry’s office will be known as Prairie State Legal Services and Peewee Golf.

In a second burst of fundraising creativity, PSLSDS also announces the publication of its new cookbook, Nancy Waites Watchers’ Recipes for Wellness and Philanthropy.

The book, which sought recipes from some of PSLS’ biggest boosters, includes such gems as “Gretchen Fishersticks,” “Robbin Vanderwoude Miniskirt Steaks,” “Bob Monahamburgers,” and “Steve Rice Pilaf.” In a last minute change, “Sheriff Idleburgers” were substituted for “Sheriff Currany Chicken.” The book is available for purchase in the lobby, on Amazon, or from any PSLSDS employee.

PRAIRIE STATE LEGAL

Services and Day Spa

Did you know?

Oral objections will no longer be permitted during trials, they must be tweeted; #objection.

The windows in the pedway between the courthouses are removable, but only for throwing Mardi Gras beads.

Lindsay, Pickett & Postel is growing and we are looking for a full and/or part-time attorney for our Waukegan office with 0-5 years of experience to support our insurance defense practice. Insurance coverage experience a plus. Candidates should email their resume to William Lindsay at wlindsay@lpplawfirm.com ADVOCATES OF OUR CLIENTS’ INTERESTS STEWARDS OF THEIR RESOURCES

www.lpplawfirm.com

April 2019

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Millennial Criminal Court Tower

F

or those who haven’t had the opportunity, the new Criminal Court Tower is an architectural wonder and a great workplace. But many probably don’t realize how many 21st-century perks are built into the facility, in recognition of all the millennial State’s Attorneys and Public Defenders who work there. Here is a brief architectural tour of the building, featuring the millennial-focused aspects.

I. Debt detector technology. In the front lobby area are discretely-positioned detectors that can keep the millennial ASA or APD fully informed of how much is left on their student loans from law school. The detectors monitor individual debt amounts and transmit the information to the millennial’s iPhone. The millennial can adjust the setting on the App to allow automatic loan-payment withdrawals of predetermined amounts from bank every time the person passes the detector. However, the detectors also can monitor if the user has more than $2000 in an account at any one time, and the lender can seek debt acceleration if such amounts are detected. This particular feature may be the cause of a reported increase in barrier jumping by ASA’s and APD’s in the lobby.

II. FaceTime-equipped video monitors in the courtrooms. Let’s face it, actually being in the courtroom on a daily basis is a drag, particularly if there’s something good on Netflix. For those days when showing up on time, or at all, may be inconvenient, the courtroom video monitors are equipped with FaceTime technology to allow the ASAs and APDs to “appear to appear” in court for their cases. Similar to “Court Call” for civil cases, this is particularly helpful if the Assistant has only one or two cases up on a particular call, but it is not particularly effective if the Assistant is at a Cubs game, due to the lack of bleacher-sound-muting technology. Also, Judge Booras

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hasn’t been able to figure out how this works, so any young Assistant seeking to utilize this feature in his courtroom is screwed. But then you would have been anyway, so…

III. Volunteer Time-Off Concierge. Studies have shown that millennials seek to give back to society. In the room at the end of the hallway west of the second-floor escalator, there is a concierge desk to allow millennials to investigate and schedule volunteer time-off opportunities.

These can range from volunteer hours at a local soup kitchen to 6-month sabbaticals for mission trips to the Andes.

The concierge desk has a direct connection to the personnel files in the State’s Attorney’s and Public Defender’s offices, to ease coordination with a young assistant’s vacation time.

The concierge also offers a centralized connection to Uber, just in case an evening at Green Town lasts perhaps a little too long. Reports that Greg Ticsay has been submitting sabbatical requests for several of his newest assistants without their knowledge are being investigated.

IV. The Awards Lounge. Since millennials love recognition for their accomplishments, no matter how small, the currently-vacant 3rd floor will soon be completed as a full-floor trophy case for awards given to the young assistants who pass through the court tower. Special areas will be set aside for the following awards: Nolle, Nolle Oxen Free (most cases dismissed by an ASA in a season); I’m Still Breathing Award (longest continuance of a trial by an ASA or APD); Thumb Body Loves Me Award (best use of a smart phone while court is still in session); I’m on a Special Assignment Award (greatest number of court dates on a case specially assigned to an ASA without the Assistant actually being available to appear in court.) Special stations will be set up in the elevator lobby for the service dogs from each office to give their assistants a wag and a lick, just for being special.

LAWYER REFERRAL SERVICE

Why should YOU join the LCBA Lawyer Referral Service?

The LCBA Lawyer Referral Service (LRS) is a valuable member benefit as well as a public service. LRS provides member attorneys with an opportunity to build business through client referrals. The service benefits the public by helping callers quickly find an attorney in the area of law in which they need help. The LRS is widely publicized and all LCBA members in good standing who carry the required malpractice insurance are eligible to join.

The LRS program is designed to assist persons who are able to pay normal attorney fees but whose ability to locate legal representation is frustrated by a lack of experience with the legal system, a lack of information about the type of services needed, or a fear of the potential costs of seeing a lawyer.

The Lawyer Referral Service is an intuitive win/win/win. We’re helping the public, by providing them with legal resources with some degree of reliability; we’re helping our members, by playing matchmaker with clients whom they can help for a minimal referral cost; and we’re helping the Bar Association and our public image by offering our services. Although not all of the matches will work out, the risks and costs are minimal and the rewards are great.

Deborah Goldberg, Goldberg & Kane

“I have been a member of the referral service for many years, particularly in the fields of Trusts & Estates. The service has generated a stream of potential clients, some of which are not viable but many of which have ripened into clients for litigation or estate planning. Frankly, I don’t mind answering people’s questions about our field of law, which most people find confusing. The referral service has been a great way for potential clients to speak with me and discuss the issues before having to spend money and before I have to commit to the clients. I whole-heartedly recommend the LCBA’s Client Referral Service as a way to grow your practice.”

Fredric Bryan Lesser, Lesser Lutrey McGlynn & Howe LLP As a long-time member of the LCBA Lawyer Referral Service I know how useful it is to be a member of the service. I have obtained several cases through the service and would strongly recommend that attorneys seeking cases join.

Compared to the many online services that claim to provide cases, the LCBA’s referral service actually delivers at a much lower cost.

Steve McCollum, Law Offices of Steven P. McCollum, P.C.

AVA I L A B L E R E F E R R A L PA N E L S • Administrative • Appellate • Commercial

• Consumer • Criminal • Employment

• Environmental • Family • Real Estate

• Estate Planning, Wills, Trusts and Probate • Personal Injury / Property Damage

C O N TA C T T H E L C B A AT 8 4 7 . 2 4 4 . 3 1 4 3 O R AT I N F O @ L A K E B A R . O R G

L A K E C O U N T Y L A W Y E R . I NAprilF2019O 13

CLIENTO

CLIENTO: Review your Clients!

B

y now it should be obvious just how important and ubiquitous online reviews have become for all sorts of businesses and products. When was the last time you visited a new restaurant or other service-based business without a quick scroll through its Google or Yelp reviews first? Have you ever ordered anything from Amazon without reading through some user ratings and reviews first?

As lawyers, we are also acutely aware of how this prevailing model impacts our own businesses as well - current and former clients are free to leave ratings and reviews for us on platforms such as Avvo, Google, Yelp, etc. Just as a negative rating and review might dissuade you making a reservation at a new restaurant or ordering that expensive new coffee grinder, these ratings and reviews can have very real impacts on our business. Why, however, should we be the only ones in this equation to be subject to the whims of internet reviews? Shouldn’t turnabout be fair play?

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The Dockit

That is why I’m excited to announce Cliento - a new online platform which allows attorneys to rate and review our clients. Now you’ll know what you’re getting into before that new client walks through your door for the first time. You can now rate your clients using several parameters reflecting common complaints that attorneys often have about their clients: Diligence, Demeanor, Neediness, Litigiousness, and Compliance. Did your client do their homework in a timely manner, or was it like pulling teeth to get them to complete a financial affidavit or comply with a discovery request? Rate their Diligence accordingly. Was your client the kind of person to get heated, talk over you in court, and subject you to profanity-laced tirades when their unrealistic expectations weren’t met, or were they calm, easygoing, and they rolled with the punches? These traits will be reflected in a client’s Demeanor score. Was your client calling you constantly,

often at unseemly hours or on weekends for every little thing, unable to tie their shoes without running it by you first, or were they able to sort things out on their own?

The Neediness scores of clients can vary widely. Did your client go-with-the-flow, or were they champing at the bit to file an emergency motion at every imagined or imperceptible slight, no matter how frivolous? You can rate a client’s level of Litigiousness. Did your client follow your legal advice, or did they make a pastime of doings those things which you specifically recommended they not do, to the detriment of their case? You can record these tendencies in a client’s Compliance score. Giving your clients ratings in all of these categories will give them a composite score on a ten-point scale which will hopefully help future attorneys know what, and who, they’re dealing with.

Outside of the numbered rating system, there is of

course also a field in which to leave written comments when reviewing clients. Some early feedback for clients on Cliento includes: “10/10 great client, would represent again.” “Very good client, but beware - the opposing party is in it for the spite and will paper you to death!” “He’s a close-talker.” “She’s nice and knitted me a scarf as thanks, but I’m pretty sure her pin cushion is a voodoo doll of her now ex-husband. Tread carefully.” “Millennial client - communicated almost entirely in memes.” “Really nice guy and good client, but has an unusual accent and way of speaking which is sometimes difficult to understand.

Also wears an eyepatch and paid retainer and bills exclusively in gold $1 coins.”

Be sure to check Cliento before your next consultation with a potential client, and help other attorneys know what they’re getting into by rating and reviewing your clients!

? w o n k u o y d Di Lake County JUDGES

Edition

New Associate JUDGE FIX Judge Cornell hopes SUCCESSFULLY her gavel from RESISTED ROBERT Ollivander the PALMER FOR YEARS. gavelmaker has a dragon heartstring core.

Judge Winter once

fought the law, and

the law settled out of court as most

cases do. Pursuant to the settlement agreement,

whether it won

cannot be discussed.

JUDGE STRICKLAND IS OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE PARENTS ARE SAYING ON CHARLIE BROWN.

April 2019

15

YOU NEED TO KNOW:

New Courthouse Policies number of new policies have been adopted in and around the Lake County Courthouse in recent weeks. In an effort to ensure that our legal community stays well informed, below is a summary of these policies: 1. A recent incident report indicates that one of the courthouse service canines (whose name shall remain unknown, but it rhymes with “Wowser”) had an unfortunate fecal incident in the courthouse near the north entrance. As such, the county has hired three new full-time employees who will be collectively referred to as the “Poo Patrol.” It shall be the responsibility of the Poo Patrol to follow the courthouse service dogs and their handlers, and to clean up any canine mishaps in the courthouse and other county facilities.

2. Judge Charles Smith, presiding judge of the Family Law Division, has announced the creation of the new “F-TIM” Program (Family-Therapeutic Intensive Monitoring). The purpose of this program is to provide emergency psychiatric assistance to divorce court litigants.

Services will include on-the-spot diagnosis and treatment for psychological breakdowns or other incidents of concern, including the emergency administration of anti-anxiety and/or anti-psychotic medication to litigants who may be experiencing heightened mental or emotional difficulties resulting from their pending case. Negotiations are in progress to allow such emergency services to also extend to the attorneys representing those litigants.

3. Chief Judge Jay Ukena has issued Administrative Order No. 18-999-HA regarding keeping order in the courtrooms. Specifically, this order grants authority to the courtroom security personnel to taze any attorney who disrespects any judge within a courtroom. Judge Ukena indicated that this is an extension of the court’s powers of contempt, and their right to keep order and respect in their courtrooms. As used in this Administrative Order, the word “disrespect” is defined to include, but not be limited to: interrupting the judge; shaking one’s head at the judge; raising one’s voice at the judge; hurling insults at opposing counsel while at the bench; or in any way verbalizing or otherwise evidencing any disagreement with the judge.

4. In light of recent weather-related courthouse closings, Court Administration has issued new rules regarding when and whether the Lake County Courts can be closed due to weather. These new rules state that the courts will remain open regardless of weather except for the following: snow fall in excess of 24 inches within a 24-hour period,

A

16

The Dockit

and temperatures below -50 F. On days of inclement weather, each courtroom will begin proceedings promptly when the assigned judge arrives, and it shall be the responsibility of each individual judge’s clerk to communicate such start times with the public. The clerk’s office shall never be closed due to inclement weather.

5. Circuit Court Clerk Erin Cartwright Weinstein has recently published new e-filing procedures that become effective as of April 1, 2019. These new procedures require that a “Certificate of Electronic Filing” be electronically filed with each electronic filing. This certificate must include the case caption, full name of the document being filed, date and time of the filing, and the right thumb print of the person filing the item. In addition, for security purposes, users of each of the e-filing service providers will be required to re-set their usernames and passwords on a weekly basis, and to utilize a five-tiered authentication process each time they log in.

6. Judge Diane Winter has announced her intent to re-assign courtrooms once she takes the position of Chief Judge. She is contemplating two options. The first option is to use a lottery system in which each judge is randomly assigned a number. All judges will meet at the beginning of the calendar year and will choose their courtroom assignments when their number is drawn from a purple velvet Crown Royal bag. The second option is that courthouse floors will be assigned alphabetically, and judges within each division will then also be assigned alphabetically. Under this option, the Chancery division will be assigned to the first floor of the “old” courthouse, with other divisions assigned up from there. Judges will have the option to challenge each other to an American Gladiator duel in order to procure a more desired courtroom.

7. Finally, Chief Judge Jay Ukena has recently announced his intent to assign the D and F divisions to the third and fourth floor of the new Courthouse Tower building. While these plans have not yet been formalized, it is expected that the members of the LCBA Family Law Committee shall be responsible to establish the boundaries for the spaces they wish to use as courtrooms on these floors, and shall also be responsible to furnish such “courtrooms.”

The Judges, Clerk, and Court Administration are confident that our membership will be able to adjust to these new regulations and procedures without issue or complaint. Anyone with questions about any of the above can contact Chief Judge Jay Ukena at gopoundsalt@lakecountyil.gov.

April 2019

17

? w o n k u Did yo S Edition

Lake County JUDGE

Each year, Judge Berrones parties like it’s 1999. Meaning, he watches the Matrix and discusses the impact of the newly introduced Euro.

The chief judg e’s office condu cted research and c oncluded that the term “backup” judge is offens ive; to whom it is o ffensive was no t decided so bac kup judges wil l remain backup s.

s once Judge Shane of Connect won a game . His 4 in 3 moves hen winning: comment w “Suck it, ley!”

Milton Brad

18

The Docket

LAKE COUNTY JUDGES OF SCOTTISH DESCENT CAN ELECT TO WEAR TARTAN PATTERNED ROBES INSTEAD OF BLACK ROBES.

hop s i B e g d Ju op p n e h w hates ces n e r e f e r culture dlessly are nee ust like j , d e p p o r d r. e b e i B n i Just

JUDGE SMITH ONCE CREATED THE WORLD’S FIRST LIFE-RAFT/ PIN-CUSHION. THE RESULTS WERE PREDICTABLY DISAPPOINTING.

April 2019

19

FOR THE MILLENNIALLY CORRECT JUDICIAL CIRCUIT 1. If emergency relief is requested, application shall be made to the assigned judge, or, if unavailable, to the judge specifically assigned to sit in his/her/their/somebody’s stead. If neither judge is available, application shall be made to the presiding judge of the division if such extra movement doesn’t cause movant to miss an experience movant has waited, like, months to have. Proof of said experience posted on movant’s social media page shall presumptively shift the burden that it didn’t exist. If movant is unavailable to come to the courthouse for such motion, movant shall be able to text the assigned judge who shall drop everything for the emergency because, duh, it’s an emergency. Proper verification shall include movant taking a selfie with the text. a) “Unavailable” for the movant shall include the judge’s not being within 1,000 feet of the movant, the movant’s not knowing the assigned judge’s cell phone for FaceTime, or, come on now, I said it’s an emergency!

2. An Emergency Motion shall be labeled as such and shall be heard only if the Court first determines that an emergency exists and that reasonable attempts at Notice have been made.

“Emergency” shall include but is not limited to: a) the movant’s Uber driver misplaced movant’s current location and is sooo late; b) the Wifi went down in the home movant was crashing at for the night; c) the Starbucks barista (who really, really should remember this order because she’s filled it, like, three times before) forgot you like, for example, “quad long shot grande in a venti cup double cupped no sleeve salted caramel mocha latte with 2 pumps of vanilla and substitute 2 pumps of hazelnut for toffee nut half whole milk and half breve with no whipped cream extra hot extra foam extra caramel drizzle add a scoop of vanilla bean powder with light ice well stirred” “(AND ACCIDENTALLY ADDED THE TOFFEE NUT)” ?though keeping the sleeve is not an emergency; d) that Starbucks order in “c” properly filled but spilled on the favorite ear buds bought for you during your gap year;

20 The Dockit

e) your kids’ teacher blamed them for something that, Grayson and Riley so-wouldn’t- do, and you must Skype the teacher immediately; f) you need to get Grayson and Riley out of school for a day to get over being blamed for anything and do something to feel more unique than the other kids.

Each application for emergency relief shall be accompanied by an affidavit of the movant or movant’s attorney stating the reason for emergency relief. The page limit for such motion is six, (though there shall be no cap on emojis,) and, in cases where the request is without Notice, except as permitted by law, said affidavit shall state what attempts have been made to notify opposing counsel or the opposing party which shall include but not be limited to the opposing party’s social media account. If opposing party does not have a social media account, said off-the-grid behavior shall relieve movant of timely Notice. Notification by three forms of social media shall presumptively be more effective than email. If notification of the other party would force movant to feel insecure or need a safe zone because movant’s feelings were hurt during the last communication, movant may ask that such a safe zone be created. Failure to attach said affidavits to the request for emergency relief may be grounds for denial of the Motion, unless movant can show at the bench that it’s really in The Cloud. Counsel who respond to a Motion propounded as, but found not to be, an emergency may be entitled to reimbursement by the proponent of actual expenses, fees and costs incurred in responding to the said Motion.

If it caused the loss of an experience or VRBO or Airbnb, then a hearing on the damages shall be conducted by a Millenial Judge qualified to assess damages. All emergency hearings shall be conducted with the usual rules of court, but the court must allow avocado or hummus and Rain Forest certified coffee since there was no time to prepare for hearing without said essentials. In addition to any damages and attorneys’ fees, the prayer for relief may include the customary Millenial Rule that “loser buys brunch”. Still, non-prevailing party shall not be called “loser” to avoid hurt feelings and will be given a trophy for trying, which shall be displayed for the next two weeks on the lower level of the

courthouse. All damages shall be paid by mobile app. The word “check” shall not be used in payment discussions, to lessen the discomfort of the movant’s ignorance of the concept. The mention of the word “check” may require said illicit mentioner to reimburse Movant for counseling necessitated by Movant being forced to interact with someone who does not transact monetarily in their own precise way.

3. Every Complaint or Petition requesting an Ex Parte Order for Emergency Relief, shall be filed before application to the Court for the Order. If it lists gender as “he” or “he or she”, the movant shall be allowed time to go to a safe zone for refuge due to the mention of something foreign to their beliefs. The need for such a safe zone mandates that security allow movant to enter the courthouse with a selfie stick, external charger and favorite travel pillow, which, of course, must be allowed in the “safe zone”, too. Acceptable substitutes for gender designation in a pleading include: they,

Did

agender, unsure, transsexual, none of your business, genderless, gender-free, ungendered, nongendered, hey you, and what are we doing? let’s just avoid the question like before.

4. If a Motion is heard without prior Notice under this Rule and any Respondent or other party fails to appear, a copy of the Orders entered at the hearing shall be served personally, or by email, text, US Mail, upon all parties not previously found by the Court to be in default for failure to plead, and proof of service thereof shall be filed within two days of the hearing thereon. If served by US Mail, one must allow 45 days to enforce since nobody can be forced to read their mail within a month.

5. Counsel shall use every reasonable effort to notify opposing parties or counsel of entry of each Order, at the earliest opportunity, assuming you’re not experiencing something your parents paid for and would have to get them to do this again, which would be so-not-worth-it.

you know? ition

Lake County Bar Ed

Incoming President Steve Rice hopes his LCBA gavel from Ollivander the gavelmaker has a Thestral tail-hair co re. ng that Upon learni ymed no word rh e,” Judge with “orang nted the Johnson inve ange.” Its word “spor mystery meaning is a asn’t (but that h from stopped him en people convicting t ing”). of “sporang

Tom Gurewitz will headline an upcoming dog stunt show at the Genesee theater.

A FORMER LCB DIRECTOR R A EXECUTIVE EC SPOTTED … ENTLY WAS NEVER MIN D. TOO SOON .

THERE IS AN ENTIRE SECRET ROOM IN THE LCBA BASEMENT FOR STORING USED GAVELS AND JUDGE’S ROBES.

April 2019

21

A BRIEF SUMMARY OF SIGNIFICANT NEW SUPREME COURT INITIATIVES POTENTIALLY AFFECTING THE PROFESSION IN 2019 COURT ISSUES DRESS CODE FOR ALL ascots and no bolos). Men also must wear plain, solid ATTORNEYS color socks, and are prohibited from donning any The Illinois Supreme Court has issued a new rule, shoes with tassels.” effective April 1, 2020, mandating that all members of The Court clarified that it is acting out of concern the Bar practicing in Illinois thereafter wear uniforms over casual attire in the state’s courtrooms, pointing in court. According to the Court’s press release, the out that “Confusion grew as each law firm established Rules of Professional Conduct for lawyers have been a different dress code, with names such as ‘business amended to include a dress code requiring uniforms. casual,’ ‘corporate casual,’ and ‘downscale but still And not just any old uniforms. “Based on the recomlawyerly casual’.” Since that time, members of the promendations of a secret panel comprised of contestants fession have “carried the casual attire trend much too from the TV show Project Runway, far,” according to the Court, “and have parochial school principals, execturned up in court wearing everything utives of the company that outfits from moccasins and Birkenstocks to flight attendants for Transavia Airjackets bearing “gnarly dude” logos. line, and retired Circuit Court Judge “While some may view the restrictions Margaret Mullen,” with whom the as draconian,” the Court offered, “in Court conferred as amici, “all lawyers order to maintain some semblance of will now be required to wear a blue professionalism, decorum and orderliTransavia Airline attendants blazer with the Illinois State Seal ness, we have sought to employ a direct on the pocket when appearing in a remedy that is still fair and constitutes courtroom,” the Court’s announcement said. the least restrictive means to that end.”

And that is not all. According to the Court, “all practitioners identifying as male will wear tan khaki COURT TO CONSIDER RULE ON CANNABIS slacks in summer and gray flannel pants in winter.

USE URGED BY GOVERNOR Those identifying as women must wear plaid skirts New Governor J.B. Pritzker has requested a new year-round. Women are also expected to wear white Supreme Court Rule (i.e., Rule 420) mandating the bobby sox and flat shoes or heels no higher than one regular and systematic use of recreational cannabis inch. Men will be required to accessorize with and a among trial attorneys. According to the Governor’s red and white striped tie (neck tie only, no bows, no Chief of Staff, Oddball Sutherland, “the Gov has wit-

22 The Docket

nessed, first hand, the hostility and reptilian tactics employed by pretty much all members of the trial bar.” He added, “they’re a pretty antisocial lot, those trial lawyers. Why don’t they knock it off with them negative waves? Don’t they dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don’t they say something righteous and hopeful for a change?” The Governor is “convinced that something must be done to simply get them all to ‘chill the heck out’.” His solution – to mandate the use of recreational cannabis by any lawyer who tries a case in Illinois. The Rule would allow the Court to administer in-court “competency” tests, which will require attorneys to recite the words to Jefferson Airplane’s “White Rabbit” before their case can be called. The proposed new Rule, which is now published for comment on the Supreme Court’s website, will take effect, if adopted, on April 20, 2020. The explanatory introduction to the proposed Rule on the Court’s website simply says, “dude, civility is the core of the Judicial system and practice of law. Weeding up the trial bar like this seems to be perfectly consistent with our goal to create a mellower, more civilized profession. Now, please pass the Doritos.”

COURT LIMITS SIZE OF BRIEFCASES ALLOWED IN COURTROOMS In another action expected to cause considerable angst among the bar, the State’s high court also has set a new limit on the size of briefcases allowed in Illinois courtrooms. The Court expressed concern with the apparent “arms race” among members of the profession who seem to be arriving with ever-larger luggage in the courtroom. The Court is advising all attorneys to log on to a Supreme Court sponsored website to check their briefcases against a template. Alternatively, according the Court, for Lake County lawyers, you can visit Papa Marcos Restaurant in Waukegan, to see if a briefcase is larger than the top of a two-seat table. If so, it’s too big.

painstaking research, the Committee released a report last year, concluding that “most lawyers forget everything on the bar exam within a decade of taking it, if not sooner, and that is a key component of the dumbing-down of the profession.” The report also suggested that the current form of CLE “is essentially a waste of time, serving little interest other than filling the coffers of vacuous content providers.” The Committee thus concluded that something more substantial must be done “to ensure that practicing lawyers actually have at least a clue about the law.” The Committee’s recommendation was indeed a radical one – to require every lawyer to prove their proficiency by retaking the bar exam at periodic intervals. Based on those conclusions and the Committee’s related recommendation, the Illinois Supreme Court has now promulgated a new rule that will require that all attorneys to retake, and pass, the bar exam every 10 years in order to keep their licenses in good standing. In related news, Professor Richard Conviser, founder of BARBRI, Inc., was arrested by CPD on suspicion of reckless conduct after being seen in Grant Park burning $100 bills.

Did you know?

A proposed local rule regarding motions challenging personal ent jurisdiction replaces oral argum off. cewith a dan In order to be eco-friendly, the LCBA Brown Bag Lunch series will now be called the Canvas Bag Lunch series.

COURT TO ESTABLISH NEW BAR “PROFICIENCY” REQUIREMENTS After lamenting a seemingly endless decline in professionalism and competence demonstrated by lawyers in Illinois courts, and following the lead of the Colorado Courts, the Illinois Supreme Court, in 2016, established a “Proficiency in the Profession Committee.” The Court noted at the time, “the kind of conduct associated with lawyers sadly does not include the highest level of professionalism.” The Court thus concluded the legal profession “needs to up its professionalism game.”

Toward that end, the Proficiency in the Profession Committee was tasked with the unenviable goal of making recommendations to reverse to tide of declining standards for the bar. Having completed years of

April 2019

23

These are the actual Board minutes from the February meeting.

If you can’t tell the difference between these and a spoof, that’s on you.

Board of Directors’ Meeting February 21, 2019

T

he Lake County Bar Association Board of Directors met at noon on Thursday, February 21, 2019 at its office in Waukegan, Illinois. Present were B. Lewis, S. Rice, P. Cornell, S. Parikh, J. Fusz, J. Howe, T. Devine, T. Newsome, K. Hatch, Honorable C. Bishop, T. Pasquesi, and Executive Director D. Perrin. The meeting was called to order at 12:11 p.m.

CONSENT AGENDA A motion was made to approve the consent agenda, was seconded, discussion ensued, and the motion to approve the consent agenda passed.

TREASURER’S REPORT The Board reviewed the July 2018 through January 2019 Financial Reports. The Association remains ahead of its cash flow projection and continues to work on refining the accuracy of our finances for future budgets.

The TDS (phone) cancellation fee will have to be paid, delaying our savings from the IT audit until the next fiscal year. Upcoming seminar expenses will be incurred for real estate, family, and civil trial and appeals, but with corresponding revenue from those events.

Work continues on incor-

24 The Dockit

porating credit card fees into payments, which is complicated by technical limitations from our payment providers. Due in part to the temporary reduction in employee headcount, the Associations remains in a good financial position.

EDUCATIONAL PROGRAM FOR YOUTH OFFENDERS Brian Lewis updated the Board on the status of the proposed Youth Offender Program. B. Lewis and D. Hodgkinson have met with the group of presenters, have distributed tasks, and will meet in a week to discuss the program’s further development. Work is also being done on how to place the video on our website, how to integrate the quit/ test, and how to produce a completion certificate. This program will possibly be ready by summer.

STAFFING UPDATE D. Perrin provided an update on the status of hiring a part-time Office Manager/Administrative Assistant. A new ad was placed on indeed.com about two weeks ago and we received about seventy inquiries. They were narrowed to the top thirty, then further reduced to

The

Meeting Minutes

BY SHYAMA S. PARIKH SECRETARY

the top twelve. Telephone interviews were conducted with five candidates, and in-house interviews have been scheduled.

SEMINAR REGISTRATION FEES The Board discussed the Association’s policy for fee waivers for seminar presenters and for judges.

The Association’s policy has been to require seminar presenters to pay for seminars (at least if they are otherwise participating in the seminar, as opposed to simply presenting and leaving).

Historically, the Association charged a judges a reduced rate for the seminar, which reflects reimbursing the Association for the expenses of the seminar, but without the CLE cost, because judges do not receive CLE credit (they have their own separate legal education requirements). A Motion was made to reaffirm these policies, was seconded, discussion ensued, and the motion passed.

FOUNDATION DUES CHECK-OFFS ON RENEWAL INVOICES A preliminary discussion took place about dues generally, and about the Foundation dues checkoff in particular. Approximately 50% of our members participate in the checkoff.

It was noted that judges do not see their dues invoices, and therefore may not be reminded to contribute. The Board will discuss dues revenue in greater detail at its March and April meetings.

MEMBER PHOTO PROJECT A discussion took place on proposals for professional headshots for all members. The last time this took place was in 2015.

There are various financial models under which photographers organize such efforts, and the model chosen may affect how many LCBA members participate. Staff will research further about options.

INFORMATIONAL ITEMS Spring Membership Lunches: The Access to Justice Awards will take place at the March 19 luncheon at City Hall, and voting will also take place at that meeting. The Liberty Bell awards will take place at the April 25 luncheon. Locations are being explored for the picnic in May. Ombudsman: Bernard Wysocki and Fred Foreman will jointly serve as Ombudsman.

Access pass: Discussion took place about charging $25 for a new access pass as well as re-

Appellate Justice Reception: J. Fusz continues exploring whether the Appellate Justices would be interested in coming to Waukegan to see both the new courthouse and our new Bar Association building.

Committee Liaison Reports: 1. Civil Trial & Appeals - Currently looking for a location, speakers and sponsorships for the seminar.

2. CLE – Brown bags have been scheduled until June, 2019 3. Employment - A meeting will take place in March.

newals. A meeting will take place with the Sergeant in charge of court security.

2019-2020 Board Nominations: The nominating committee met and has a slate to present to the membership for the March vote.

Lawyer Referral Service: The board reviewed and approved the revised application and a discussion took place about increasing member participation. The next step is creating a letter in order to market to new people to fill empty categories, as well as to further promote the LRS in The Docket.

The long term plan is to have a better LRS portal.

4. Family Law – The committee is working on obtaining sponsorships and working on the mock trial.

5. Golf Outing - There are three locations that are being considered.

6. Judicial Selection & Retention- They will be meeting in early March.

7. Real Estate – Their seminar will take place on 2/22/19 and there are 80 people registered.

8. Young & New Lawyers - They had their first meeting last week.

A motion was made and seconded to adjourn, and on passing, the meeting ended at 1:17 p.m.

? w o n k u Did yo ition

Lake County Bar Ed

d The arbitration an were probate divisions ion awarded visitat Park rights with the , but City branch building her only on every ot weekend and one . evening per month

Oft-advertise d, but never rented , Unit C at the LCBA b uilding will so on be used as a medical mari juana dispensary.

An ice hockey ri n the LCBA park k will be installed on ing lot during w inte months, if that isn’t redundan r t.

Before becoming

LCBA executive director, Dale Perrin operated an

ALL LINCOLN PORTRAITS IN THE COURTHOUSE WILL BE REPLACED

BY PORTRAITS OF RICK LESSER AND SCOTT GIBSON.

organic farm.

April 2019 25

Le Cuisine de Waukegan W

e know you come to the Lake County Courthouse for the scintillating status calls and the purifying rage-release of the occasional contested hearing.

But when was the last time you put on that suit and tie, tucked in that napkin, and came to the 19th Judicial Circuit to dine?

WELCOME TO FLAVOR TOWN! Here we review the best of the best of the best of the only dining options on the Lake County Courthouse campus. So get your legal taste buds ready for a feasting experience like none other.

Courthouse Coffee Shop When you need that extra jolt of caffeine in the morning before you step up to the bench, stop by the Courthouse Coffee Shop for a latte, drip coffee, or Diet Coke from 8:30 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. Your friendly barista will make your drink just the way you want it, so long as it is a latte, drip coffee, or Diet Coke. Do note that she will refuse to honor your Starbucks phone app to pay; this place is the real deal with cash only.

Although the menu lists coffee drinks, don’t be cute and try to stump the barista by ordering anything off the “secret menu”– she will laugh, refuse to let you use the penny jar to pay for your drink, and not give you a coffee lid because of your insolence.

On those lucky mornings when you find you have

26 The Dockit

enough pocket change to pay for both the coffee and the cash parking garage, do splurge – the towering cup of cottage cheese and grapes, or the shiny wrapped NutraGrain cereal bars are exquisite compliments to round out your meal.

Seating in the café is generous and uncomfortable, and frequently removed for voting booths.

Watch for local celebrity attorneys who gather right at the center table to display the latest in courtroom fashion and discuss the hottest trends and juiciest gossip.

Truly, the Courthouse Coffee Shop is the place to see and be seen, especially as it is adjacent to the domestic relations courtrooms, and ripe for caffeine-fueled divorce and parentage drama.

William D. Block Memorial Law Library and Confectionary I don’t know if Judge Block was that much of a sweetheart when he served on the bench back in the in the 70’s and 80’s, but the Lake County Law Library in his memory does serve your sweet tooth right with offering scrumptious candies daily.

Bad coffee breath?

Forgot to brush your teeth?

Forgot breakfast? The amazing crew at the law library serve up a bowl of the tastiest , pre-packaged mints north of the Lake Cook border. Spearmint, wintergreen or peppermint, these delicious “O” s of sugary goodness are sure to make your morning memorable, and your

mouth fresh. And best of all – they are free. You will find these sweet treats at the front desk, next to the free stapler and the instructions on simplified evictions and mortgage foreclosure.

Be sure to thank the law library librarians and staff for their gratuitous candy treats, and their wealth of legal knowledge without offering legal advice. For those few insider attorneys, you can establish a house account to run a tab for printing, faxing and emailing at the law library. Just don’t make the same mistake I did with adding a gratuity to the 10 cents per page charge on the monthly bill. These are government employees, and don’t take bribery lightly.

Rochford’s Pop-up “Chambers” Bakery Those family law attorneys in the know would deliberately schedule their domestic relations pre-trials on Thursdays. It didn’t matter if you really needed a judicial opinion – what mattered was that a certain judge would bake on Wednesday night, and bring those tasty baked goods back into chambers on Thursday morning for a super secret pop-up bakery. The promise of homemade chocolate treats would lure the most amiable attorneys into a fullout war in the courtroom, just so that they would be invited back into chambers for a settlement conference and a cookie.

Maybe this judge ran out of flour, patience, or time, but this courtroom call now handles only

self-represented litigants. The only attorneys present are solitary volunteers who don’t get invited back for those brownies, tea breads or cakes. The true foodies of the Lake County Bar, law enforcement and clerks, however, are clamoring for another pop-up bakery to appear.

Don’t keep us in suspense for long, sugar!

County Street Café When Subway, Andy’s Grill and Fong’s Kitchen just won’t do, treat yourself to gourmet dining at the County Street Café. You will find Paninis, pizza slices and a salad bar unparalleled by any five-star Michelin dining experience. Open from 11:30 to 2:00 p.m., you can preview the daily special from behind the sliding glass case in the hallway; always a sign of a true culinary delight. This establishment is especially great when you thought you would be done after the morning call, the judge unceremoniously tossed you and your screaming opponent out at 12:10 to give his clerk a break, and you have to gulp something down and re-read your case law before the courtroom opens again at 1:30 p.m. and you resume your hearing.

In addition to the hot meal of the day and madeto-order sandwiches, the County Street Café offers some of the finest vendcontinued on page 28

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Le Cuisine de Waukeegan continued from page 26

Monthly

Committee Meetings

DAY

MEETING

LOCATION

TIME

1st Tuesday

Diversity & Community Outreach

LCBA

12:15-1:15

1st Thursday

Real Estate

Primo, Gurnee

5:30-6:30

Editorial 1st Thursday (Odd Mo.) Docket Committee

LCBA

12:15-1:15

2nd Tuesday

Waukegan Courthouse 12:15-1:15

Criminal Law

2nd Tuesday (Odd Mo.) Immigration

LCBA

4:30-5:30

2nd Wednesday

Family Law Advisory Group (FLAG)

LCBA

12:00-1:00

2nd Wednesday

Civil Trial and Appeals

LCBA

4:00-5:00

2 Thursday

Young & New Lawyers

TBD

5:30-6:30

3rd Tuesday

Local Government

LCBA

12:15-1:15

3rd Tuesday

LCBF Board of Trustees

LCBA

4:00

3rd Wednesday

Debtor/Creditor Rights

Varies

5:30-6:30

3rd Wednesday

Family Law

C-105

12:00-1:00

3nd Wednesday

Trusts and Estates

LCBA

12:15-1:15

3rd Wednesday (Odd Mo.) Employment Law

Varies

5:15-6:15

3rd Thursday

LCBA

12:00 noon

nd

LCBA Board of Directors

• RSVP to a meeting at www.lakebar.org.

• Meetings subject to change. Please check your weekly e-news, the on-line calendar at www.lakebar.org or call the LCBA Office @ (847) 244-3143.

• Please feel free to bring your lunch to the LCBA office for any noon meetings. Food and beverages at restaurants are purchased on a individual basis.

28 The Dockit

ing machine options available. Why choose between original Doritos and Brown Sugar Pop-tarts when you can have both? Wash those babies down with an icy cold Pepsi, and perhaps a chaser of Lifesavers. Your palate will writhe with pleasure at the taste options at the ready.

This Café does not take reservations on Open Table, so plan ahead.

It also does not take reviews on Yelp or any social media website. Were you aware that the Richard J. Daley Center and the Lake County Traffic Court both are reviewed on Yelp, yet the diners, drive-in and dives of the Nineteenth Judicial Circuit are not? I strongly encourage you to take photos of yourself, your meal, and your own review, and post it on your favorite social media platform with the hash tag: #lakecountycourthousediningisactuallynottooterrible.

Bon Appetit!

Bar

Bulletin Board

To place an ad or for information on advertising rates, call

(847) 244-3143

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April 2019 29

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