Philander (TCDPhil)

PHILANDER THE OFFICIAL MAGAZINE OF THE UNIVERSITY PHILOSOPHICAL SOCIETY

PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS SORCHA RYDER - PRESIDENT

“I’ve learned to always carry two pens. You’ll never run out of ideas, so you don’t want to run out of ink.”

Claire Doyle, PwC Graduate

My name is Claire and this is

#mygraduatelife Join PwC and you’ll get priceless insights. We’ll make sure you get thorough training and gain your professional qualifications. You’ll work with interdisciplinary teams at all levels and deliver critical work for a range of clients. Plus, you’ll enjoy imaginative benefits like a free on-site gym and ‘flexible Fridays’. What makes PwC different, though, is that we’ll also teach you about ‘the real world of work.

For more insights, visit www.pwc.ie/mygraduatelife

Sorcha (pronounced however you like, sweaty) isn’t like other girls her age. She’s like, super quirky and like, totally is the Zooey Deschanel of her generation.

She loves to like, chase diseased pigeons, play her 1-string ukulele, and run the world’s oldest student debating society. Reported to own Ireland’s largest collection of David Hasselhoff paraphernalia, Sorcha was allegedly the first person Neslon Mandela spoke to when he was released from prison in 1990, when she was just a young buck embryo. What did he say to her? Or, more importantly, what did she say back??

Come say hi to Sorcha this Fresher’s Week and find out!

Heya!​ Congratulations on getting into Trinity! Get ready to begin the best 4 years of your young life. How should you spend it? Join the Phil and experience the best craic Trinity has to offer!

We are the oldest student society in the world​and the largest on campus. With over 10,000 members and counting, we’ve recorded the presence of some remarkable members, including Oscar Wilde, Samuel Beckett, Bram Stoker, and now you! For 333 years we’ve been bringing you world-class debates, distinguished guests and unreal social events. The 334th year will be no different!

With weekly debates, paperreadings, competitions and night outs - get ready to clear that calender FAST​.

There’s something for everyone here at the Phil Do you like to discuss interesting issues?​ The Phil is THE place on campus to talk about what’s going on in

the world. You can challenge your existing opinions, speak freely, and open your mind to new ideas. Come along to our famous Thursday night debates, where high profile speakers and controversial topics can always be found.

Chamber debates are followed by a lavish and FREE reception, as well as a class night out every week.

tours and our famous Phil Ball in second term. Make sure to get your tickets for Club Philth this Thursday, the biggest night of Freshers’ Week!

Do you like to debate? ​The Phil runs a Maidens competition for our beginners every year, which is a fantastic way to get involved with the Phil and to make new friends. We run debating workshops and “how tos” all Do you like meeting famous year long. Pop along for some people? ​ As a Phil member practice before heading off to you’re cordially invited to all our national competitions with us! speakers events.

In the past, members have As a Phil Member: ​You have had the opportunity to free entry to every Thursday ask the likes of Kristin night debate and guest speaker Chenoweth, Apple CEO event we run throughout the Tim Cook or Chancellor year. You have access to our Angela Merkel a question! Snooker and Pool rooms, as well as our conversation room Do you like to party? ​S o do to just totally hang out man. For we! It makes sense that the a mere 6 euro, all this can be biggest society on campus yours - as well as fun, wouldrun the biggest nights friendship and maybe more! out too. You can find an Joining the Phil was the best amazing social scene here decision I’ve ever made - it’s throughout the year, ranging given me the experience of a from weekly nights out and lifetime and I can’t wait Christmas parties, to mystery to share it with all of you!

JAMES JOHNSTON

HISTORY OF THE PHIL

REGISTRAR

Don’t be afraid of our resident funny man Jaymes Johnson, unless of course you’re svelte, hairless, under 20 and doe eyed. If that is you then run for your life. James came here to watch queer eye and send thirst-requests to Trinity’s entire student body and Facebook has just banned him from adding any more people online. Also he’s finished queer eye. So he’s gonna try his hand at telling a few jokes he stole off other people for a while instead.If the thirst adds slip out of your DM’s and you don’t get swallowed up in the gaping chasm of his icycold cackling mouth then you MUST beware not to fall for his olde’ “betcha can’t get out of these handcuffs NYEYHEHE” trick! Unless you want to end up lifeless and rotting under the floorboards of the GMB, cause that’s where our favourite Class Clown keeps all his little secrets! He’ll see you on Thursdays and in his moist moist dreams .

HISTORY

The University Philosophical Society was founded in 1683 by William Molyneux and his pals as a kind of ‘Oprah’s book club’, but for wealthy members of the Ascendency who liked to talk about science and philosophy. The society quickly established itself as a glittering bulwark of intellectual discourse for Ireland’s best young minds as well as the nexus of a burgeoning, throbbing party scene for Ireland’s hottest young moths.

They hit a small bump in the road when, in 1731, two members of the Phil may or may not have kinda sorta shot the Junior Dean after a falling-out. (Spoiler: they absolutely did.) After a 112 year “break” to “find herself”, college slid right back into the Phil’s dms with the classic “hey I miss u x” and so in 1843 the Phil sashayed all the way back to its rightful place at the beating heart of society life in Trinity.

Since then, we’ve gone from strength to strength.

In 1954, the Phil was the first society to allow women to join, and went one step further in 1981 when it merged with the Elizabethan society. The ‘Eliz’ was a women-only debating society set up as a way for women (who weren’t allowed to join existing societies in college) to participate in society life. As a reminder of our ongoing commitment to inclusivity, every year the highest ranking female officer of the Phil is given the title of Honorary President of the Elizabethan Society.

ESTABLISHED 1683

Membership of the Phil is so much more than a card and a weekly email. When you join the Phil you’re joining the country’s largest student debating society. You’re signing up for the opportunity to write the next chapter of the 334 year history of the world’s oldest student society, following in the footsteps of Bram Stoker, Samuel Beckett and Oscar Wilde. You’re making the best decision of your entire time at college, sweetie. Congratulations.

THE GMB

The Graduates Memorial Building is our own little slice of paradise in Front Square. Think of it as the Playboy Mansion but for people who read The Economist and think Noam Chomsky is a celebrity. Since its construction in 1902 we’ve shared this Neo-Gothic den of discourse and debauchery with the Hist.

The GMB is home to the most lavish society rooms on campus, the first of which is our Conversation Room.

Just inside the only door in Dublin large enough to fit our bloated sense of self-importance is a sanctuary reminiscent of an opium den in 19th century London for Phil members to have lively discussions around the pressing philosophical issues of the day, such as “was my TA flirting with me?” and “is this a rash or a physical manifestation of my crippling need for the affirmation and approval I never received as a child?”.

You’ll find the occasional engineering student as well, immediately noticeable from their overwhelming body odour and the orange pasta they’re eating out of a dirty lunchbox. Just ignore them, they’ll go away eventually.

Next is the Chamber, where every week you can see a dramatic re-enactment of the trial of Socrates set to the musical stylings of Stephen Sondheim, with a full off-Broadway cast and backing dancers. This ornate shrine to self-importance has hosted some of the world’s most enlightened thinkers over the years, as well as some of the least enlightened.

Up the first set of steps is the Council room, where the big wheels of the world turn and the decisions that will affect your life and the lives of everyone you love get made.

On the top floor is the Bram Stoker room, where Sorcha spends most days putting on elaborate earrings while looking sombrely into a mirror, pretending she’s the ageing matriarch of a crumbling dynasty. Also on this floor is the pool and snooker rooms, where all the “cool kids” “hang out” and send each other pirated mp3 files of Greenday songs. Drink it all in, kiddo. This is your home now.

P R E V I O U S LY A T T H E P H I L

Maidens

Hey there!

If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve just been roped into the biggest, baddest and best society on campus. Lucky you! If you haven’t, then get yourself a fat grip and a membership card ASAP. The Phil is where it’s at, and by “it” I mean everything that isn’t at the Hist. I’m James, and I’m the vice-president of 334. That means I’m all about all things Fresher here at the Phil. I enjoy being right, expensive juice and social climbing, and if you can identify with any of that then this is the society for you!

Martin Scorsese Angela Merkel

Joe Biden

Sign up for Maidens!

What’s a maiden you ask? That’s you sweetie. Maidens is a competition for anyone who has never debated at university-level before, and all are welcome. There’ll be weekly rounds, with motions ranging from high-brow hypotheticals to the downright debauched. All culminating in a lavish black-tie final, followed by one of THE nights out of the year. It’ll be LOADS. Never heard of a POI? Don’t even know what a motion is? No worries, Maidens is super chill, and we’ll be running workshops throughout the competition to help you get to grips with the ins, outs, ups and downs of taking your place at the podium. Whether you’re a seasoned schools pro or a true maidenly newcomer, Maidens is not to be missed!

Debating not really your scene?

Kristin Chenoweth

Al Pacino

Marina Abramovic

Don’t sweat it, the Phil has plenty more to offer. Each Thursday evening there’s a pre-debate mixer in Phil convo (hosted by yours truly), with a few cheeky snacks and the opportunity to meet your fellow freshers and older Phil hacks. Afterwards why not come and experience the spicy discourse, courtesy of Team Sec, from the safety of the audience? If you’re not worn out by the sheer, unadulterated intensity of tux-clad rhetoric, stick around for our post-debate reception, where you can fill up on free, that’s right, FREE juice boxes, and then bop along to whatever philthy phun Team Stew has in store for us.

Beyond being the highlight of Thursday nights, the Phil is known for doing the MOST at all times, so even if you’re really not into debating, sign up anyway this Freshers’ Week! You won’t regret it (hopefully)!

VICE - PRESIDENT

Helen Mirren

Tim Cook

Amy Poehler

JAMES SPILLANE Our Vice-President James is a proud Laois native, and has all the verve and lust for life you might expect from someone born somewhere so decrepit. A notorious diva, James can usually be found smoking somewhere, poorly dressed, and being outraged about anything from the price of Tesco rosé to how distant and unloving the JCR are.

James is also notoriously self-conscious about looking older than he is, so if he asks, don’t admit he looks like a 30 year old father of 2.

FRESHERS WEEK MONDAY

61 Dawson St / 66 South William St

‘‘

Life is just one cup of coffee after another...

’’

Bertrand Russell

South William St 61 Dawson St / 66

for — A free crepe Facebook offer Co Crepe & Coffee friends of Lemon

Hold on to your Lemon Crepe & Coffee Co gold card, like us on Facebook and watch out for the chance to redeem A FREE CREPE ON US and many other great offers for Phil Soc members throughout the year!

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

9am - Free breakfast 9am - Free Breakfast 9am - Free breakfast GMB Phil Convo Room GMB Phil Convo Room GMB Phil Convo Room 11am - XXXtreme Speed 1pm - Roddy Doyle 2pm - Versatile Speaks to Dating - GMB Chamber speaks to the Phil - GMB the Phil - GMB Chamber 2pm - Dizzie Rascal Chamber 4pm - UCD Colours speaks to the Phil 2.30pm - Life Drawing Debate - GMB Chamber GMB Chamber and Speed Friending with 7pm- Play Philthy with DU 4pm - Echo Chamber VIS Arts - GMB Convo Players - Player’s Theatre - Open Mic Menagerie Room 9pm - PAV Crawl - GMB 4.30pm-6pm - GMB 8pm - Official Ents Gallery Art Workshop with Reception in the GMB TAF - GMB 10.30pm- Freshtival 8pm - Worldwide Cities Ents night with the Pre-Drinks: Havanna Phil/TAF/Music Nights - GMB Mercantile 10.30pm - Tramline

THURSDAY

9am - Free Breakfast - GMB Phil Convo Room 11am - Comedy Bram Paper Reading with tea and coffee - Phil Convo Room 1pm - GMB Brunch with DU Food & Drink - GMB 6pm - Dying Waltz - String Quartet Debate Reception - GMB 7pm - Fresher’s Week Comedy Debate - GMB Chamber 10.30pm - Club Philth - Button Factory

FRIDAY

9am - Free Breakfast - GMB Phil Convo Room 11am - Recovery Yoga with DU Yoga Phil Convo Room 4pm - GMB Gallery Set up: Volunteer and Contribute!

7pm - GMB Gallery Grand Opening with TAF

WITH THE PHIL

T H U R S D AY N I G H T D E B AT E S Hi, I’m Kate! I’m Secretary of the Phil, and I’m responsible for organizing the debates we host in the chamber of the GMB each Thursday night. Chamber debates are crucial to the Phil’s mission of promoting discourse and challenging ideas, but they’re also a central tenet of our weekly social calendar. To that end, we try our hardest to strike a balance between entertainment and intellect, debating serious motions one week and hosting comedy debates the next. Often, we invite activists, politicians, and other high-profile speakers from around the country to offer their input and debate against students- keep an eye on our Facebook page to see who’ll be speaking each week! Whether you’re interested in the guests, passionate about debate, or just excited for the post-debate reception, each Thursday night chamber debate is definitely an event to look forward to. If you have any questions about chamber debating, or if you’re interested in speaking in one of our debates, feel free to email me at secretary@tcdphil.com!

THE TERMCARD FRESHERS WEEK COMEDY DEBATE: THW STAGE A COUP ON THE PROVOST 6 SEPTEMBER 2018

Remember your old school principal? The one who would prowl up and down the halls, telling you to fix your uniform this, do your homework that? Well, a provost’s pretty much the same thing, except this time he’s telling you ‘I’m increasing your fees this, there’s no affordable housing that’. Back in the day you’d probably just take it on the chin like the good student you were, but now that you’re in college you’re edgy, have opinions on stuff, and are ready to declare it to the world! So what do you do – keep your head down and wish for the best, or kick down the door and make your demands? Head over to the GMB on Thursday to find out!

WEEK 1: THW IREXIT 13 SEPTEMBER 2018

In the last two years alone, the world’s political landscape has seen massive upset. A series of shocking outcomes saw Trump elected and the U.K deciding to leave the EU, something practically nobody could have foreseen. With a hard border looming and the economy hanging in the balance, some are beginning to wonder if Ireland should follow in its closest neighbour’s footsteps, pack its bags, and face the future alone. Is sovereignty and independence from the behemoth of the EU worth losing the backing of that same giant? Come and see skeptics and believers alike battle it out!

WEEK 2: THB THAT MIDDLE EASTERN WOMEN NEED WESTERN FEMINISM 20 SEPTEMBER 2018

As Iranian women protest headscarves and Saudi women join Harley-Davidson motorcycle clubs, women across the Middle East appear to be embracing feminism like never before. It is no longer a question of if they will demand rights, but when- and as the world watches, some can’t help but wonder if tactics used by Western feminists might help. Does the Middle East need a Western-style womens’ rights movement? Could secular feminism change the Islamic world? Would importing Western values even be a good thing? Come find out!

WEEK 3: ARTS BLOCK VS. HAMILTON- THE ANNUAL LIFERAFT DEBATE 27 SEPTEMBER 2018

The year is 2050. Climate change has reached a critical point. The ice caps have melted, sea levels have risen, and Ireland is soon to be underwater. The Provost just used College money to purchase his tenth home, and now Trinity is finally bankrupt. With so few disposable funds, the only defence Trinity can afford against the apocalyptic flooding is a single liferaft-- and now it’s time to decide which lecturers get a place on it. Come watch your favourite professors from the Arts Block and the Hamilton debate each other for a spot on the liferaft, and find out which discipline ultimately reigns supreme.

WEEK 4: THR THE DECLINE OF COMMUNISM OCTOBER 4 2018

Sick of reading thinkpieces about how millennials are “eschewing traditional politics” and how young people are “flocking to socialism in droves”? Yeah, me too. But for an increasing number of young voters, even Corbyn’s leftism and Bernie’s democratic socialism aren’t enough. Instead, these leftist trailblazers are advocating for all-out communism. Are they right? Would the world be better off if the Soviets had succeeded? Could communism be the radical change our world so desperately needs? Whether you’re a die-hard capitalist or a red-blooded communist, come along to our Week 5 debate to find out whether it’s time to fight the Marxist revolution.

WEEK 5: THW FORGIVE THE CATHOLIC CHURCH 11 OCTOBER 2018

Tensions are high following the Pope’s recent visit to Ireland. Seemingly endless controversies are being brought to light, be it the sexual abuse scandals, the tragic discoveries in Tuam, or the ever-increasing calls to separate Church and State. The country’s youthful population has unabashedly placed the Church under massive scrutiny for its past actions, yearning for accountability The question remains, is there anything to be said for how deeply ingrained the Catholic Church has been in Irish culture? Is it possible to move on? Is there anything the Church can do to regain public favour? Perhaps it’s simply too late for that.

WEEK 6: THW ABSOLUTE FREE SPEECH 18 OCTOBER 2018

For hundreds of years, free speech has been considered a cornerstone of liberal democracy. Unrestricted media and unsuppressed political opposition have all greatly contributed to society as we know it—but suddenly, the tide is turning. From bakers refusing to serve LGBT couples to corporations pouring millions of dollars into politics, the legal definition of “free speech” has been stretched to a breaking point, and many now argue that certain groups don’t have a right to free speech at all. Clearly, our society has reached a moment of reckoning. Come hear our speakers’ opinions on the issue— exercising their right to free speech right here in the GMB.

WEEK 8: THR RAINBOW CAPITALISM 1 NOVEMBER 2018

Anyone who attended Dublin’s most recent pride parade would have been met with rainbow coloured flags, confident displays of identity, and streets full to the brim with people all there to celebrate one thing – their pride. However, you wouldn’t have had to look far to see some other flags, ones sporting the logos of big corporations who had never before then shown any interest in LGBTQ matters. Many people were left wondering what these businesses were truly there for. Was it to show support for the diverse range of communities present, or was it simply to turn a quick profit? This Thursday we’ll take to the chamber to discuss just how genuine these corporations are, and whether or not that even matters.

WEEK 9: MAIDENS FINAL 8 NOVEMBER 2018

After a long two months of in-rounds, 8 freshers will battle it out in black tie for the final of the Eamon O’Coinne Memorial Debating competition.

WEEK 10: POP CULTURE DEBATE 15 NOVEMBER 2018

WEEK 11: PHIL CHRISTMAS PARTY 22 NOVEMBER 2018

KATE KLEINLE - SECRETARY

Kate is the reason people put stickers on their webcams. Kate “Let me live!” Kleinle is our Socks ‘n Birkenstocks, all-American flat earther who makes Alex Jones look like Trixie Mattel.

Kate wants to work for the CIA when she’s older. Or is it the FBI? Maybe its the YMCA? All I know is she wants to work for a mysterious cult-like organisation that spies on you when you’re unaware. So say hi to Kate, maybe even buy her a juice box. But if she starts asking about your family holiday to Portugal in 2003 or your feelings on the “moon landing”, back away slowly, move to Mongolia and change your identity. I hear herding goats is a super rewarding career!

PHIL THIS YEAR DIZZEE RASCAL

PEGGY GOU

ALT-J

EMILY LEVESQUE HOWARD SHORE

RAPPER AND PRODUCER

DJ AND PRODUCER

INDIE ROCK BAND

RODDY DOYLE

KATE MOSS

ADA YONATH

ASTRONOMER

WRITER, DRAMATIST AND SCREENWRITER

MODEL AND BUSINESSWOMAN

CRYSTALLOGRAPHER AND NOBEL PRIZE LAUREATE

ACADEMY AWARD WINNING COMPOSER

SADIQ KHAN

MAYOR OF LONDON

BILLY OCEAN

RECORDING ARTIST

SEBASTIAN BARRY

NORMAN FINKELSTEIN

TERENCE TAO

REPUBLIC OF LOOSE

COLM WILKINSON TENOR AND ACTOR

JOSHUA WONG

ACTIVIST AND POLITICIAN

PETER HIGGS

MICHELLE VISAGE

REJJIE SNOW

CECILE RICHARDS

MATHEMATICIAN THEORETICAL PHYSICIST AND NOBEL PRIZE LAUREATE

ROCKBAND

SINGER AND TELEVISION PERSONALITY

PLAYWRIGHT

HIP-HOP ARTIST AND PRODUCER

POLITICAL SCIENTIST

ACTIVIST AND PRESIDENT OF THE PLANNED PARENTHOOD ACTION FUND

T H E

P H I L

P R E S E N T S

Club Philth T H E

E N D

O F

D AYS

TICKETS ON SALE FRESHERS WEEK €5

What was your debs like? Did you wear rhinestones and eat damp caesar salad? Was your 18th just that little bit more shit than you thought it would be? If you answered yes, yes and “look Mum put in a huge effort so I won’t complain” then let me just say that from the bottom of my heart I am sorry for the ordeals which you have endured. Adolescence ain’t easy, and as we flourish and decline we tend to shun reality and embrace the night. In plain English here at the Phil we get dressed up 2 get messed up! Ha!

Phil phun

There’s a time and a place for discourse, petty logic and insinuations that Mother Teresa may indeed be the true villain of this story (I’ll tell you when you’re older), however when all the big words are spoken and the kids are in bed that’s when the salacious Steward team of the Phil come to play.

To finish, let me say that the Phil is more than a debauched gathering of argumentative twenty year olds. We’re a community and safe space for all ideas, and personalities. Don’t fret if nights out aren’t your spoon of jam. We’re a huge pick n’ mix of all you could hope for in a society. Stop by anytime this Phresher’s cause at the end of the day, the Phil is essentially about what you make of it and the friends you acquire along the way!

It’s our job as “Team Stew” to make sure you enter student life with the greatest of friends and fiercest of enemies. So what have we in store for you?

*THURSDAY NIGHT*

T

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W

A

R

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Suits on, Heels sharpened, contour severe, highlighter blinding, face austere, manners lapsed, teeth clenched, battle ready. It’s a war B*tch.

At the Phil, we don’t do “Debates”, “Clubbing” or “Socialising”, our Thursday nights are a campus institution. Kings don’t carry cash, Huns don’t need a filter, and we don’t need a reason to pretend that after 7pm every Thursday what goes down in the GMB is anything short of an EVENT. Every week we’ll be taking you, Shrek and Donkey on another whirrrrlllwind adventure through the caustic lights of Dublin 2.

Aside from our weekly fixture on the campus scene we’ll also be organising a full calendar of Events over the course of the year that’ll put Paris and Nicole’s 2007 Memorial Day BBQ to S H A M E (no entry if you’re on antibiotics, sorry Micha!). Here’s a teaser;

T H U R S D AY 6 S E P T. AT T H E B U T TO N FAC TO RY 10.30pm

S

S H A N E

K E N N E A L LY

Shane is the most “outrageous to compensate for a lack of personality” guy you’ll ever meet. He’ll strut up to you in Front Square, insult your outfit, smell your hair and launch into a long-winded diatribeabout how Hozier took a dump in his family home Mystery Tour: An all night getaway to a suitably before you’ve had a chance to tell him your name. lush, tropical location, the type of place where Don’t be startled by his overwhelming exuberance Bond Girls are found dead at the close of Act One. and the cloud of cheap aftershave that follows him everywhere - Shane is a soft, mushy mess on the Club Philth: THE event of Phreshers week. You’re inside, which you’ll hear all about in McDonald’s on the guestlist, we’ll meet you in the smoking at 3am. It’s not my place to judge, though. After area at 11:53pm, wearing head to toe plaid, facing all, who needs a well-rounded character when East. Tickets on sale all throughout Freshers week. you have 200 cheaplist wristbands for Everleigh?

C O M P E T I T I V E D E B AT I N G Hi my name is Ryan and I’m the Phil’s Debates Convenor! Debating is a big part of what makes the Phil the Phil, and my team handle the competitive side of the activity. We organise training, send teams to competitions and convene three of Ireland’s biggest debating competitions - the Trinity IV, the Trinity Open and the Women’s Open! Whetḣer you’re the kind of person who’s naturally attracted to shouting at people or you’ve never heard of debating before, competitive debating in the Phil has opportunities for everyone.

Why should you get involved?

Debating is a great way to make friends in college. Whether it’s nervously preparing a speech with somebody you’ve only just met, or wrecking someone you’ve only just met in a Maidens round - debating is a fantastic way to get to know people.

You get to travel! Throughout the year there are opportunities to go to competitions all over Ireland and Europe. The World Championships is even being held in Cape Town this year!

Debating is a skill that you can apply everywhere from your college essays, to public-speaking engagements, to arguments with that one friend who thinks that they can never be wrong The actual debating itself is rarely the best part of a competition. The socials are great for meeting people from your own and other universities.

How can I get involved?

Sign up for Maidens!

Maidens is our competition for first-year debaters and is the best way to get started debating with the Phil.

Come to training! We have weekly training sessions for beginners that serve as a great opportunity to improve and learn from the Phil’s best debaters.

Come to our internal competitions! We have 3 internal debating competitions, aimed at beginners from Trinity, during the reading weeks in Michaelmas Term and Hilary Term, as well as another in Hilary Term itself. They’re a great way to get experience and improve in a relaxed setting.

Sign up for competitions! Going to competitions and debating against other students all over Ireland and beyond is some of the most fun you’ll have with the Phil.

DEB ATES CO N V E N O R

R YA N G R U N W E L L

Word on the riverbank is that Ryan Grunwell is the last remaining descendant of Sid the Sloth, as seen in critically acclaimed 2002 nature documentary, ‘Ice Age’. Grundlewald is a staunch republican and can often be heard extolling the virtues and inevitability of a 32-county socialist republic. In fact, Little Miss Grunshine is so republican he went to a private protestant grammar school! The only thing that Grundilocks loves more than tasteless deformations of his surname or the dream of a united Ireland is the sound of his own voice. Last I heard, someone asked him to explain the Labour Theory of Value. Allegedly, if you listen carefully on moonless nights, you can still hear him shiteing on about “This guy, Marx”.

P H I L S P E A K S

Now that you’re a student of the College of the Holy and Undivided Trinity of Queen Elizabeth near Dublin, you’re probably wondering how to get involved with it’s OLDEST, BIGGEST AND BEST society. Well, let me tell you about PhilSpeaks our nationwide secondary school debating initiative! It gives us old college hacks the chance to leave a legacy and educate the future of tomorrow in all the important matters such as feminism, Taylor Swift, a united Ireland and KUWTK trivia.

We bring debating (of the fun, amusing, non-competitive kind), bouncy castles and popcorn to secondary schools all around Ireland, and make sure that the students have a fantastic team while taking part. This year we’re making it even bigger! We’re working with more schools, more students and more debating!

This all happens in the form of workshops around the country, a competitive weekend, a Pro-Am competition, and an outreach programme with Trinity Access Programme, which allows us to work with schools in areas where students would not generally have easy access to public speaking and debating workshops.

And we need YOUR help! PhilSpeaks, the loveliest way of giving back, getting involved and generally being part of the Phamily. Without as many ready, enthused and fantastic volunteers as possible, we can’t make this a reality. We need your ideas, your laughter, your arguments and your popcorn making abilities to continue the incredible work of PhilSpeaks. Team Schools take pride in our reputation for most fun events ever as well as our never ending stream of food and cheesy music. This is, of course, coupled with some top class debating insights to be passed on along the way.

So be sure to get involved in the fun, share in the loveliness, and play a hand in moulding these innocent tweens into the opinionated college debaters/banter-panthers of tomorrow. You’ll be sure to have a brilliant time so definitely do it! We can’t wait to see you!

SCHOOLS CONVENOR

KATIE O’BRIEN Don’t let her youthful beauty deceive you, Katie is a 37 year-old yummy mummy of 3 from the mimosa-soaked belly of South Dublin.

When she’s not ferrying her 3 obnoxious offspring - Sneachta, Bainne and Brenda - to hockey, rugby, sailing or croquet, you can find her flirting with her hot yoga teacher or trying to relieve her suffocating middle-class ennui with overpriced beauty treatments. Fresh from a 6-month run as Ms Hannigan in the Broadway production of ‘Annie’, Katie is taking her disdain for children to new heights this year as Schools Officer of the Phil.

MEMBERS SEBASTIAN TOZER - SENIOR MEMBER OF COUNCIL

Sebastian Toaster is the human embodiment of Prince Charming from all those lowkey problematic Disney movies you loved as a child. With his lustrous flowing locks of golden hair, dazzling smile and smooth, buttery charm, Sebastian is your mum’s dream (and your dad’s dir ty little fantasy). Just don’t ask him about his Lord of the Ring fan-fiction.

He HATES when people ask him about that!

AOIFE CRONIN - PRO-LIBRARIAN

“Smokers are jokers” says pro-librarian Aoife Cronin. No sir, she would NEVER touch the dried toenail clippings of Satan (Camel Blue to you and me). Known to her friends as ‘The working man’s Bridget Jones’, Aoife always seems on the verge of, or in the midst of, some form of quarter-life crisis. But rather than actually do something about her ongoing breakdown, Aoife just tells everyone in the room how she’s had a ‘mare of a day and how “done” she is. Remember kids, smoking is NEVER thesolution.

NIAMH MCCAY - PRO-LIBRARIAN

Awk well now look at this here wee cutie-pie! This bonnie wee lassie is all the way from Derry and sure isn’t she only lovely!! Don’t be fooled by Niamh’s dainty, singsong voice or her adorable beret, she’d put yer ma’s head through the kitchen window for a few fish fingers and a piece of toast. Niamh’s hobbies include competitive gardening, interpretive dance and securing the return of the 6 counties.

NIAMH O’DONOVAN - PRO-LIBRARIAN

“Is that Dwight Schrute from the hit NBC sitcom ‘The Office’?” I hear you ask. No,

silly, that’s pro-librarian Niamh O’Donovan! Niamh has made a name for herself as the kind of girl your mum warns you about before you come to college – seems nice enough, but absolutely has some skeletons under her bed, or even in her bed. Niamh will be providing your tastefully edited, just-the-right-kind-of-spooky instagrams this year, so keep her close, but keep your cleansing crystals closer.

JACK CULLEN - PRO-STEWARD

Jack’s booty may be plastic, but his personality is… also plastic. Having spent an entire year desperately fishing for likes by posting pointless drivel in various facebook groups, Jack somehow found himself in the position of pro- steward. Stay tuned to see if this is the year Jack finds his personality or if I’m going to have to block him… again.

OF COUNCIL HARRY HOGAN - PRO-SECRETARY

Harry is a 57 year-old, thrice-married, twice-divorced father of 7 from Limerick! He’s here in the big shmoke to finally learn how to send an email and to make you uncomfortable. Famously the first person ever to be banned for life from the Lecky Library, Harry is all about having a good time. You can usually find him squirrelled away in the subterranean murk of the Hamilton Computer Labs, languishing in the communal red bull-fuelled sweaty filth of 4 computer science students who haven’t been hosed down since Christmas.

NIALL PRIOR - PRO-SECRETARY

Niall Prior is our diabetes-inducingly sweet Pro-Secretary. Like all great desserts, Niall is best served warmed up with some whipped cream on the side - you can keep the fork. What the mainstream media won’t tell you about is Niall’s dirty little secret - his webbed feet. There are no known pictures in existence of Niall’s bare feet, to keep the green translucent folds of skin between his toes hidden from the world. But remember, you didn’t hear it from me.

LUCIE MCKNIGHT - PRO-DEBATES CONVENOR

Lucie is a sweetheart with a troubled past. Raised by raccoons on the mean streets of Universal ™ Orlando’s ‘Wizarding World of Harry Potter’ © ™ , her grit and determination helped secure her place on Phil council. Of course, the constant threats to our safety and that of our families helped, but we’ll stick with the grit and determination for insurance purposes.

AMELIA MELANSON - PRO-DEBATES CONVENOR

Amelia is one of only three known survivors of the infamous, brutal tranining régime of the USSR figure skating team. She’s moved on with her life by joining a debating society, but don’t take it personally if she bludgeons you to a sticky pulp for being too stiff when you pirouette, throws boiling water in your face because your quadruple axle was all over the place, or screams in irate Russiam at passing tourists. Old habits diehard.

PIERCE O’MEARA - PRO-DEBATES CONVENOR

HANNAH WEIR - PRO-STEWARD

Pierce is our very own edgelord – that is to say he expresses controversial and sometimes problematic opinions to seem cool and edgy and unique. Don’t worry, once you get to know him, you’ll see that Pierce is just another softie leftist liberal CareBear who sleeps with his mysteriously sticky copy of ‘Das Kapital’ tucked into the trousers of his Bernie Sanders pyjamas. Disclaimer: allegations that Pierce refers to Margaret Thatcher as “mummy” are entirely true.

NATHAN O’REGAN - PRO-TREASURER

Kate Maher is a M E M E and she wants you to know about it! Catch her being Extra AF™ or making some deadass VINES to compensate for her underdeveloped personality. She spends most of her time liking her own Facebook comments and telling you about the supposed rivalries between PureLaw© and LawPol™. This isn’t West Side Story, Kate. Get a grip.

Hannah is from Tyrone, but honestly who cares?! It’s all Great Britain to me!

Hannah has been attracted to Trinity ever since she heard about our 400 year history of propagating British colonial rule in Ireland and our gorgeous collection of flaking portraits of anaemic protestant men in tights. Cross her at your own peril, though, I once saw Hannah wrestle a single tattered shoelace from the bleeding gums of a 2 foot long sewer rat and make a choker out of it. She’s here. She’s Weir. Get used to it.

Nathan “Ratboy” O’Regan is a middle aged suburban juice mom trapped in the body of a 10 year old. Nathan’s personality is a loosely bound collection of catchphrases from ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ such as “Yass queen!” and “Tonight we’re serving Katie O’Brien realness!” Most recently he’s appropriated the phrase “The library is open!”, which would be a lot funnier if Nathan could read.

KATE MAHER - PRO-SCHOOLS

DEAL$ AND DISCOUNT$ Available to all with Phil Card and Valid Student ID Captain Americas - Buy one get one free on main meals (Mon-Fri), €4/€3.50 selected beverages (Mon-Weds) Wowburger - €9.95 student meal deal (incl. burger, fries and soft drink) all week Wagamamas - 20% off your bill Bison Bar & BBQ - €9.95 lunch deal incl. pulled pork, brisket or sausage sandwich (& 1 side) + bottle of Heineken for Eat-In. (Weekdays 125pm) Tower Records - 10% off all selected items Muji - 10% off IFI - €5 off IFI Membership (Everyday in Sept & Oct and Mondays all year) and €5 cinema tickets on Mondays up until 7:30pm all year. T&Cs apply.

Pablo Picante - €4.99 on selected burritos exclusively in Aston Quay. Mon-Fri: 2pm to close Sat-Sun: ALL DAY Grafton Barber - €9.00 haircut until 12:30pm in South Anne Street and Grafton Street stores.

Eason’s - 10% off Midnight Disco - Extended Cheaplist until 1am Camile - 15% off Chapters - 10% discount on stock items.

Mongolian BBQ - €13 All You Can Eat Buffet.

Bobos - €10 Meal Deal = any burger + chubby/ skinny chips + soft drink/water (Mon-Wed All Day).

GBK - Burger and Side - 6.95 - Student Deal The Winding Stairs - 10% off books.

Pieman - Soft Drink meal deal - 7.50

Trinity Pharmacy - 15% off Savoy Cinema - 5 euro tickets Monday - Friday Dicey’s Mondays - Free entry before 10pm KC Peaches - 10% off Zambrero - Burrito/Bowl/Powerbowl + Still/ Sparkling water for 7.50 euro. Americano/Cappuccino/Latte for 2 euro.

Printsave - 10% off Body Shop - 10% off Blazing Salads - 10% off selected items Lolly and Cooks - 10% off Pitt Bros BBQ - 8 euro meal deal Dorian Black - 10% off Zipyard - 10% off Tango’s Dress Hire - 10% off evening wear Tights Department - 15% off Krust Bakery - 15% discount Burritos and Blues - 5.50 for a main and a drink Little Ass Burrito - 6 euro for a burrito, box or salad The Juice Store - 6 euro breakfast/lunch item and juice iSmash - 10% off Suso - 25% off Conn’s Camera’s - Student Discount on all photo lab printing Everleigh Garden - Free before 11:30, Sunday - Wednesday (T’s and C’s) Somewhere? At Workman’s - 4 euro entry on Wednesday

T R E A S U R E R

RUAIRC O’LEARY

According to a popular south Dublin urban legend, Ruairc O’Leary knows the word for “Papi” in 59 different languages. Having successfully completed 23 years of training to become an undercover guard, you can now catch Ruairc in the same olive (?) sweater, blue jeans and generic grey plimsolls that he was wearing when he crawled out of the primordial ooze 78 years ago. Ruairc loves making friends with freshers, but don’t be spooked if you ask him where to get your leapcard and he simply smiles, gives you a knowing wink and says in a high pitched voice… “maybe?”

THE UNIVERSAL SERIES

We are delighted to announce the continuation of the Phils speaker panel series with “The University Series”, a revamped course of panel discussions at The Phil. Our Senior Member of Council, Sebastian, will lead this throughout the year, with support from Team President, Sorcha and James.

This year, the series will be focusing primarily on Irish student issues and interests. In recent years there have been many social, political and economic changes in Irish society which have been led and organised at the grassroots by the young people of Ireland. We hope to celebrate these changes and learn more about the changes to come with our talks. Our discussions will focus on Mental Health, Housing in metropolitan Ireland, Social Media, the Future of Irish Language, Changes in Politics and Religion and the Future of Feminism, with input from both expert figures long associated with their field as well as newer figures bringing in fresh ideas.

We hope to centre these talks around you, the student.

Your issues, your interests, your university.

We hope you enjoy it.

LIBRARIAN- HIBA AWAN

Hiba is the Librarian, which is a funny title considering she doesn’t own any books, and is almost certainly illiterate. Catch her slinking around the GMB taking incredible photos, serving you real faux-fur realness and looking for ways to step out of her older sister’s shadow. She’s the cutest lil’ munchkin, with a thing for toes and a soul that’s snatched from Satan. She’s probably the coolest member of Phil council, just don’t tell your mum that you hang out with her. Plus she made this magazine so she’s unreal!

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BRAM STOKER PAPER READING CLUB Greetings Bramlings! My name is Ciara McLoughlin the Bram Stoker Club. Although the original plan es worshipping the founder of Dracula, we settled ty of tea-drinking, paper-reading and biscuit-eating

and I am stoked (ha!) to be Chair of for Bram was to host weekly séancon providing you with the Holy Trini(Could we be anymore wholesome?!)

The Bram Stoker Club offers a safe haven from the battlefield that is debating. The Bram Stoker Club is the hidden gem of the GMB- safe from endless POI’s, verbal attacks from Kate Maher and debating spooks. Here at Bram we host weekly paper readings during lunch hours. The Bram Stoker Club has heard papers on a broad spectrum of topics; ranging from all things philosophical to the trivial and the academic to the surreal. Whether you want to learn about the history of pirates, the future of artificial intelligence or a critique of RuPaul’s drag race- we’ve got you covered!

The Club wears the name of a renowned Phil president who is celebrated for creating and sharing new ideas. Here at Bram we provide students with a platform to share their ideas, giving you your 15 minute of fame. And guess what? Bram HQ want to hear from you! Yes, you! So get your thinking caps on, pick a topic of your hearts desire and grab a cuppa.

Yours Sincerely, The Bram Fam!

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