The Player 2017 - DU Players

Freshers Week Edition

The Player Volume VIII, Issue II

SHAKESPEARE

EXPOSED!

was the Bard just 3 dogs in a trenchcoat?

Scandal at the top!

Which committee member was caught using the theatre for a black market art auction?

85

Happy Birthday*

du players *We realise that technically we could say happy birthday players every year but why don’t you cut us some slack ok? 85 seems like a fun number to celebrate cos humans love numbers that end in 5s and 0s for no reason. Besides, if we’re doing a celebration thing there’ll probably be a party or something and that will be fun and maybe you’ll finally get up the courage to tell Denise that you fancy her and so what if she doesn’t feel the same way? It’s an achievement in itself just to be able to say you did it. You’ve conquered a fear. Maybe next time it will be easier to tell someone you like them. And suddenly you’re the king of the boardroom, making sales left, right and centre because you’re not afraid of rejection. You’re not afraid to go in for the kill, and you know what? The clients respect that. People can tell you’re a confident person from just a few minutes of conversation so you’re welcome. You’re welcome for the fact that we thought our society being 85 years old was something worth celebrating. So next time you feel like pointing out a flaw in someone, why not take that energy and turn it into a compliment instead. Honestly. Young people these days. You know who else is 85 this year? John Williams. Yeah, the world-famous composer. Bet we wouldn’t get this sort of guff from him. Oh. And you look lovely today. Don’t worry about whatever it was that concerned you when you looked in the mirror this morning. You look great.

A Welcome from the Chairperson...

Hello and welcome to Trinity and…

But wait, what is this strange black t-shirt clad gang that has hassled a magazine into my hand?

As you embark on the exciting adventure that is college life, it is my pleasure to welcome you to the society that is Players. With over 40 shows a year, mystery tours, Players Ball, 24-hour musicals, Fringe Festivals, workshops, famous guests and something going on literally EVERY DAY, you may just have stumbled across your family for the next few years…

Think Players might not be for you? You couldn’t be more wrong! In our very own theatre you can write, direct, act, design, produce, stage manage, sing, dance, DJ, play board games, drink tea, charge your phone, cook your food, sleep between lectures, sleep through lectures, avoid all your responsibilities and quite simply revel to your heart’s content - Whatever your wont there is something here for you, and if there isn’t… do it anyway! The only requirement is grabbing a chum to do it with you.

If you haven’t had a chance to pop into the theatre yet then fear not, we have a jam packed schedule for all your new-term needs, theatrical or otherwise! This week enjoy but a taster of what is to come in one of Players’ biggest, maddest years ever. We can’t wait to meet y’all and to enjoy all the mystery and wonder that our little theatrical wonderland can throw at you. What’s more, you have entered this new world at a most exciting time, as this year Players celebrates it’s 85th anniversary - expect big shows, big celebrations and at least 2 or 3 Colin the Caterpillars.

Your time here will undoubtably fly by in a whirlwind rush of last-minute deadlines, nights out, romantic escapades, dramatic rifts, theatrical blunders, and cocktails on a weekday so do not hesitate! Never in your life will you find yourself surrounded by so many fun, energetic, like-minded people, all looking to make shows with you, go for a drink with you, and quite simply be your friend!

Old hats and new, the door to Players is always open and this wonderful building is yours for as long as you have need of it.

Adventure ho!

Benedict & Co. P.S. My fellow final years, it is with a tear in my eye that I welcome you aboard our last voyage. How time flew! Promise me only that you’ll once more forget the outside world and make this year the biggest and best as only Players can.

And one from the Editor...

If I could say a few words...I’d be a better public speaker. If you love classic one-liners like that, you’ve come to the right place. I can infer several things about you from the fact that you are reading these words. You probably have some interest in the college drama society as these aren’t really available anywhere else despite my best efforts to have them in newsagents country-wide. You’re also probably a first year. I can infer this because no one else reads this bit. Am I wasting my time writing it then? Maybe. But here we are.

If indeed you are a first year then welcome firstly to trinity and hopefully to DU Players. I’m Robbie, let’s be friends. If you’re one of our returning members, it’s me, Robbie, your friend! Wazaaaaaa?!

This magazine is a collection of information about things going on in the society as well as articles and other fun stuff by some of our members. I’m really proud of everyone who sent me stuff for this one, it’s a good issue guys. As always, if you want to write anything for future issues of the Player, please let me know, I’d be happy to publish anything you have so don’t be shy.

I hope you all get really involved in the society, it can be such a fun place to be! And pay no heed to the self proclaimed “Players celebrities” or whatever. We’re all here to have fun, don’t let people tell you they’re more important than you are, no matter who they are or what they do for the society. This behavior is certainly less common now than in the past but unfortunately it’s human nature to want to be superior and some people let this desire take hold of them. I urge you to fight it, this will make life more fun for everyone.

Stop taking everything so seriously. Let’s go shoot some pool.

When I was in first year I was too scared to come in the door to Players until one of my friends arrived. This is natural, it’s a big spooky door. But no one on the other side of that door doesn’t want you to come through it. Quite the opposite in fact. So take a deep breath, come on in and say hi. You guys are the future of this place after all! Spoooooookyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!

So I hope you enjoy this issue of The Player (it’s issue 2 cos of how the Players terms work, don’t worry too much about that).

There’s a lot of cool stuff in here so take it home and have a read. And I just want to wish you good luck. We’re all counting on you.

Robbie.

Editor: Robbie Doyle Contributors: Benedict Esdale, Martha Knight, Julie Duffy, Conor Gill, Paraic McClean, Simona Girtan, Caoimhe Coburn Gray, Austin Hughes, Rua Barron, Clíodhna Kelly, Jade Silke-Fetherston, Iseult Deane, Aoife Curtis, Cathal Thornton, Jimmy Kavanagh, Tim Houston, Sam Killian & The Directors of the Freshers’ Fest Shows.

come join the fun in

MICHAELMAS ONE Here you will find a brief synopsis of each of the shows we’re putting on this half-term!

These shows are perfect for anyone who has never been involved in Players before to get a feel for what the society is like and to join in the fun! Audition timetables can be found at the back of this magazine.

Cinderella Week 3, 1pm Once upon a time, in a land far, far away there ruled a vain and selfish Emperor. On his right hand sat a scheming advisor, surrounding him were a cabinet of incompetent ministers, and opposing him were an ineffectual collection of disconnected intelligentsia. Sound familiar? DU Players presents a topical reboot of Charles Perrault’s classic fairytale about a young girl given the chance to change her life and, just maybe, to change the lives of everyone else too. In a riotous new version by William Dunleavy Sch, The 2017 Freshers’ Festival production of Cinderella promises to give you all your favourite characters (with a contemporary twist) as well as love, laughs and most importantly: life. Join us from Monday to Friday of Week 3 at 1pm for an hour that is sure to be magical.

The 39 Steps Week 3, 6pm

The 39 Steps features Richard Hannay, the everyman (see; bit boring) along with a bunch of other much cooler characters. If you want fun, friendship and definitely more, the 39 Steps is the show for you. Hannay is faced with the impossible task of trying to stop a spy ring after being wrongly accused of murder. If that wasn’t bad enough, he has to do all of this with a really pretty girl by his side. We know, our hearts bleed for him too. The 39 Steps is loosely based on the play by Patrick Barlow which is based on the film by Alfred Hitchcock which is based on the novel by John Bunchan. But really really loosely based, because copyright is expensive.

Power Rangers: The Stage Musical (Not A Musical) Week 4, 1pm Thousands of years ago the evil Rita Repulsa was trapped in a dumpster and flung into the furthest reaches of space by the intergalactic wizard Zordon. Now, in the 21st century, Rita has escaped, and it is up to five freshers with attitude to save the planet! There will be action, there will be heroics, and there WILL be giant robots; so buckle up and get ready for Power Rangers: The Stage Musical! (Not a musical). It’s Morphin’ Time!

The Play That Goes Wrong Week 4, 6pm

Do you know that feeling when everything in a play goes exactly to plan? Us neither!! Want to be part of a play where everything goes wrong on purpose (hopefully)? Well, come join the acclaimed directors of “Shitefall” and “Hey Jade, Your Play Was Bad” for a fun, messy and ultimately underwhelming production of the West End and Broadway hit that’s very different because we couldn’t get the rights. A murder mystery by a *very* amateur drama society called PU Dayers can’t get better when the set isn’t ready, the actors can’t act and the director is the star.

Things may not go right - but at least we’re not another production of Cinderella.

Cinderfella Week 5, 1pm

A long time ago, in an era of old A peculiar story began to unfold.

The princess we know to be Cinderella, In fact, was a big, fat, butch, hairy fella.

Don’t let this alarm you, the truth sometimes hurts.

“Cinderella was a princess, who ran around in frilly skirts.”

I know what you’re thinking, “ah sure this one’s off her rocker.”

But just let us explain because you’re in for a shocker.

We shall set off from the start, from where it began.

To prove this story has been altered and cinder’s truly a man.

You’ll leave the place grinning and feel warm inside after, There’ll be fun, there’ll be games, there’ll be magic and laughter.

So come one and come all, free your imagination.

Meet Cinder and the gang, it will be a sensation!

Punk Rock Week 5, 6pm

Punk Rock tells the story of nine angsty teenagers as they flirt, bully and vociferate their way through their mock exams. The arrival of a new girl, Lily, acts as a catalyst in unleashing the bubbling unrest in this already unstable group. As the clock ticks for their final exams, we wait to see how soon it is until one of them cracks.

Continued over the page...

The Freshers CO-OP Week 6, 7pm

A cast of 50, a production team of 40, The Freshers’ Co-Op returns as one of the oldest and longest standing traditions in DU Players. The Freshers’ Co-Op journey begins with a light hearted group audition with the 4 directors where you can express yourself and show them what you’ve got through some dancing, singing, a bit of improv or whatever you’re into really. Whether acting is your passion or you’ve never stepped foot into a theatre, Co-Op has something for everyone and prides itself on teamwork and the great atmosphere that is created through the numerous team building nights-out organised by the 5 fantastic producers. This crazy 6 week odyssey culminates in the performance of a collection of bright, shiny Players virgins popping their performance cherries in an outlandish show based around the cast and penned by the four directors. Co-Op is a great way to immerse yourself into college life, become a part of Players and make 49 new best mates who you will treasure for the rest of college life! So sign up, strap in and enjoy the ride!

PIPS

“But what if acting isn’t my jam?” I hear you cry. Fear not! Acting in shows is only a small part of what you can do here in Players. The shows that get put on here don’t just magically come into being. A play is only as good as its crew. “Sounds like a hoot, but I got no training!” says you? Enter the Players Introductary ProgrammeS, henceforth known as PIPS. PIPS is how you can learn about all your favourite aspects of theatre. Have a theatrical interest? There’s a PIPS for that. Wanna learn about directing? PIPS. Lighting? PIPS. Set design? PIPS. Costume design? You better believe there’s a PIPS. Stage Management? You guessed it, PIPS. What about writing? What about...PIPS. There’s even an acting PIPS for people who want to improve their acting technique. Every PIPS course is taught by an experienced member of Players, who will meet with their group once a week and go through all the ins and outs of their field of expertise. This all culminates in the legendary PIPS SHOWCASE which will be on in Michaelmas 2. This is where all the people in all the PIPS classes come together and put on a series of short plays to show off their newly learned skills. And once you’ve learned how to perform a certain duty, people will be begging to have you on their submissions for the following term and beyond. So if there’s an area of theatre that you wish you knew more about, there’s probably a PIPS for it. Sign up at our stand in front square or in Front of House.

Alight? Alright alright alright alright alright alright alright...

A festival report by Martha Knight

My name is Martha Knight, better known for my role as ‘the first year who screamed really loud during the Summer Festival’. I was a cast member of one of the headliners of the Aurora Festival, pool (no water), and I also volunteered to accost people with flyers for the four days it was running. This was my first time acting in a Players play, and I’m not quite sure how it happened either but I’m very glad it did.

Volunteering for the festival is a really good idea, because it means you get to spend all your time running from venue to venue watching plays and guest speakers for free for four whole days, with the feeling of being in Players without the feeling of only being in Players because you’re avoiding four essays and a presentation. And who knows, the much-sought-after title of “Joint Volunteer of the Festival” might even be bestowed upon you as it was bestowed upon me, for no reason other than that I literally would not leave.

I auditioned for pool (no water) on a whim with no expectations, after hearing about it as a 20-minute piece. A few weeks of rehearsals, some dance-related leg injuries and a lot of crimping later I was on the Beckett Stage for the first time with three amazing new pals and my newfound granny, Allie Whelan. It was probably the highlight of my first year in college. It was also exhausting and terrifying, but I’m so glad I auditioned and I would encourage anyone with any interest in acting to pursue it in Players. Audition for everything!

I had also done PIPS Lighting in Hilary Term, which was a really great decision (DO PIPS!!! IF YOU DO NOTHING ELSE IN FIRST YEAR DO PIPS), and one of my favourite things about the Summer Festival was seeing people I recognised from PIPS, as well as a load of first years, getting really involved: it’s easy to dismiss Players as a little self-contained group that you’d never fit into if you tried, but if the festival taught me anything it’s that there are always experiences to be had in Players no matter who you are or who you know, whether you’re on the market for a good scream on stage, you want to wear some fishnets in the Beckett, you want to light your own show, you want to dance on a Wednesday night, or you just want a functioning microwave and a good nap.

Committee Benedict Esdale

Benedict, 4th Earl of Esdale, first rose to prominence during the Napoleonic wars where he caught the attention of William Pitt the Younger, and became one of his chief advisors. After a few decades, Benedict found himself weary of politics and came to be the Venue Technician for one of the East India Company’s larger trains. This newfound love of teching venues brought him to Dublin, Ireland where he established DU Players, a drama society built on a hierarchy in which the Venue Tech reigned supreme. But with Ireland in the height of a great famine, there were no technicians to rig lights or build sets. After finishing his soup, Benedict froze himself in a block of ice in the basement. Now, over a century and a half later, a freshly thawed Benedict Esdale has returned to preside over the society he set up all those years ago. Can the 19th Century statesman adapt to the changes of modern life? Only time will tell.

Chairperson

Julie Moses Duffy arrived into Front of House 22 years ago, carried in her denim Julie Moses Basket down a river of Sweet Rosie’s Dew. From a young age, she found herself drawn to loose sheets of admin left around the building, and taught herself to read from a particularly hefty co op get in schedule. At the age of 21, she was elected secretary, to deliver us to a promised land free of drab hair colours and fake bisexuals. Find her most nights in the gantries, shouting the words Patrick Stump once delivered to her from a burning bush.

Conor Gill

Treasurer

Secretary

“Hiya! Is mise Cono r agus I’m the Treasurer of DU Pla yers for the year 20 17/2018! You may titles, including; “P know me by some of itbull/ Mr. Worldwi my other de” “Moneybags” “D “Funniest Man Alive ollarman” “Doughba ,” to name but a few lls Gill” . I may be an extre fooled by the seaside mely friendly face village that I’m fro but don’t be m, I don’t mess arou Unless it is of extre nd when it comes to me value to us at DU squids.

Players I’m refusing for it. Another thing to let this gentle so about me - I melt he ciety pay arts. For example, woman within the I have personally se society’s heart liter en one ally melt upon seein doors. What can I sa g me walk through y? Everyone wants those brown my little moneymen excited to be contro . Anyway, I’m very lling the accounts th is players season an specimen around. Do d I hope to see you n’t be afraid to appr sexy oach me - I may giv you treat me right. e you a ride in my ma lol. Slán! nbag if

Let me start at the Top. On line 3 minutes ago. 1.2 km away.

18 years old. 5’4”. 65 lbs . Tipp SOUTH #hontheM Currently: Just back fro el m NYC. Finally got some power. #Imherefortheco If you want to learn about nnections Lights or Graphic Design , make an appointment.

Anything else? Not my pro blem. Too busy for you rig Looking for: Ego-feeder, ht now. gel-cutter, road-frontage , MUA, bottom, 3 pairs of glasses, personal shopper, dignit y, soft drink.

Web: paraicmclean.strik ingly.com Insta: www.instagram.co m/starsandbowties Link: www.linkedin.com /in/paraic-mclean Top.

Simona Girtan

Venue Tech

Julie Moses Duffy

Paraic McClean

Tech Manager

Originally descended from chipmunks, Simona Dirtcan is DU Players’ Ven-You-betta-werk Tech, where she exists happily in the shadows of Paraic McLean. Whether Kimona Dragan is lighting a stage or a rollie, you can be sure it’ll take a number of frustrating tries. The only thing that takes more tries is writing this dragging bio for such an exceptionally neutral human. In her spare time, Simoaning About-the-Black-and-Tans volunteers as the front wheel on the Kayla-Cathy tricycle and enjoys hiking up both mountains and Paraic McLean’s ego.

Caoimhe Coburn Gray, soon to be known as the sole champion of three consecutive Rose of Tralee, is the current Front of House Manager of DU Players. Much like Elvis or an evil twin, Caoimhe Coburn Slays most of her time hidden away in our attic. When this design loving son of a gun isn’t suspending the contents of her purse from the gantries, she enjoys such pastimes as baking, rereading the Twilight series, and keeping people in their Caoimhe Coburn Lane. That’s right kiddos - our Deaf Studies superstar may be well versed in all things sign language, but make a mess of her kitchenette and there’s only one finger you’ll be getting.

Caoimhe Coburn Gray

Front Of House Manager

2017/18

Austin Hughes I’m that Production Officer that will probably send you an abundance of emails if you ever decide to direct a show in this place, Austin Hughes, and welcome to my show, FRESHerz Week, where I tell you all about my position, because it’s my position and not yours! Now that my husband is away studying in California for the year I am the free bird that I deserve to be. So prepare yourself boyz for some cheeky shifts that will swoon you, and prepare yourself for the rejection texts for a further coffee/drink/movie because Mama’s likes to eat from the huge buffet that Trinity College Dublin offers.

Robbie Doyle

Productions Officer

The Publicity Officer is in charge of a lot of things such as design, recording events, keeping social media up to date, etc. Therefore the huge role has been divided up among the committee members this year as follows: .....lool I’m kiddin guys..relax! The Pub Officer this year is actually a character and a half. Trust me it won’t be difficult to spot this tall, awkward, rugged-looking guy loitering about the building in a flamingo printed jumper getting up to questionable mischief. If you still don’t know who I’m talking about, you’d be sure to recognise Robbie’s roaring laughter at inappropriate times or bad jokes during a play or event.

Btw, don’t fret if you miss any of these because you’ll see all the pictures on the DU Players Facebook page, right? Right?? Umm, okay maybe come to the events just to be safe.

Publicity Officer

Rua Barron, a fiery woman not just because she is a red head. Rua Barron our House Manager, I like to think of her as the committee’s Mammy, always there for you when you need her, offers great advice and if you wreck her gaff, SHE WILL KILL YOU! Not only is Rua a great house manager but Mummy can act too!

Yes, some days she can be a Yummy Mummy and others an inner city Ma as we have seen from her epic performances in Terminus and Schoolgate Catwalk. But kids, Mummy can make mistakes also, for this one it was the belief that she would get a degree in Occupational Therapy ha! But just like OT lost Rua, We here at Players experienced similar fears that the beloved red head would leave us when she auditioned for Trinity’s musical society’s first performance of West Side Story. Times were tough for us here at players watching these god damn musically talented freaks drag our Rua to the dark side, but fortunately for us, she came crawling back so that she could take the crown of the DU Player’s building and make it her own and thank god for that...Or else we would still have termites in the rehearsal room.

Jade Silke Fetherston

Ents Officer

Rua Barron

House Manager

Introducing our very own Lady of the Lake and DU Players’ Ents Officer, Jade Silke Fetherston. If in need of consultation on headbands or failed vegetarianism she can most frequently be found among the seagulls in the Marks and Spencers rooftop cafe or alternatively ordering a spice bag from the nearest Charlie’s. Take caution in approaching, however, as beneath the pink faux-fur and probable gold lamé of her yummy mummy exterior lies a fiery and entirely fake Spanish alter ego. Hailing from the Blessington area, whose lakes provide 70% of Dublin’s water supply, on any given Wednesday this senorita is similarly responsible for 70% of the good vibes in the theatre and is best approached with an offering of glitter and Mark McCabe’s rave classic, ‘Maniac 2000.’

What’s worse lookin Jealous or crazy? Jealous or crazy?

Clí Kelly AKA Michelle Williams AKA THE Aurora.

Introducing our very own dazzling kooky country mucker – our Festival and Workshops co-ordinator. Clí joined us up in the big Shmoke 3 years ago when she took the train from the back arse of Galway to pursue a career as a Playwright. She has since settled into Dublin life quite well - she’s now a vegetarian, eats sushi in Kokoro, lives on the North Side of the city with a south Dublin accent and is thoroughly enjoying her time as Professor, Director and Monitor of the illustrious and renowned PIPS. This lovely lass brought us our summer festival this year, FESTIVALÉ, A festival of culture and identity where we celebrated the many cultures around the world focusing mainly on the Mardi Gras Festival of Brazil. BTW this festival may have been advertised around the city as Aurora, this was just for copyright purposes. Well let me tell you this much, we all had a bloody splendid time - Thanks for the €10 BoBo’s burgers student meal Clí, I didn’t think you had it in you. Clí hopes to implement many new programmes this year including Beyoncé bootylicious workshops, Beyoncé appreciation workshops and Beyoncé Vocal Workshops. Sign up at the Freshers’ Stand in Front Square with Michelle (Clí), she’ll be standing behind Bey (Jade) and Kelly (Rua).

Iseult Deane

Basement Manager

Clíodhna Kelly

Festivals Co-ordinator

Deane ... Daene ... Daere ... Daerie ... Faerie.

Suspicious - is it not? While we’re not sure the true origins of Iseult Deane, we do know that she’s this year’s Basement Manager. “Where is this ‘basement’?”, I hear you ask. “Why can’t we go there whenever we want?”, I hear you cry. “Don’t you mean Basement WOMAN-ager!?”, Iseult shouts above you all. The simple answer is, no one knows. It is believed that Iseult changes the location of the entrance to the basement every second day, unless there is a new moon, which is her day of rest.

Again, suspicious. But don’t ask about it, or else you’ll find out Iseult’s true use for the handcuffs on the lift key.

The Lowdown on auditioning for and taking part in a Freshers’ Show

By Aoife Curtis For me, beginning college was always about more than just the course I chose or the modules I would take. Joining societies, trying new things, and meeting new people, fuelled my excitement for the upcoming year. I have always loved the idea of participating in theatre and was very excited to get involved with Players, but knew very little about it or how to begin. Hearing about the freshers plays, I made a deal with a similarly interested friend and we promised to go along together to one of the auditions.

When the moment came, I nearly let my nerves consume, and considered greatly not bothering, just going home and leaving this little fantasy until next year. But, not wanting to let my friend down, I decided to set aside the nerves and go along. I had little expectation of what the auditions would entail; I felt unprepared, out of depth, and uncertain but, thankfully, these fears were instantly calmed when I arrived. The atmosphere at the auditions was calm and relaxed; freshers getting to know each other and the older students warmly welcoming everyone in. There was an accepted acknowledgement that not everyone had ever been to an audition or was arriving with a default level of high confidence. The focus was on just giving it a shot, rather than blowing the directors away with years of refined talent. Despite my trepidation; it was really enjoyable.

There were people all about, starting conversations and handing out scripts, welcoming you to try out for everything. It was a whirlwind of auditions, some group format, others on your own, but all immensely fun. It wasn’t about competition or being the best; it was about enjoying the experience and seeing your confidence grow the more auditions you partook in.

I felt satisfied having just gone along for the experience and really expected nothing to materialise from it, so when I got the call from my director I was incredibly surprised but utterly thrilled.

The play was ‘Tilda’, a contemporary and quirky take on the beloved classic ‘Matilda’, and I had been given the role of the narrator. This suited me perfectly because while I lacked any real acting experience, I had practice with public speaking. From an unassuming audition came one of the best opportunities I could have been given in first year.

The experience of being in a freshers play was an indescribably enjoyable one. It was lots of group meetings, many hours, but so much laughter and fun. It was making friends and learning lines, getting an insight into the incomprehensible amount of work that goes into putting on a show, being amazed by the talent and dedication of others, and getting a platform to express a creativity that rarely gets an outlet. It was students devoting hours of their precious time to a project for no other reason than a love of theatre, acting, writing, and art. It was incredible and I enjoyed it immensely. It sounds clichéd but it genuinely was one of the best things I did in first year. I met incredible people and learnt so much, I gained insight and confidence and wonderful experiences. I wasn’t someone who started with boundless talent or years of experience; but I found a place. So I encourage the future freshers and anyone who hasn’t tried the theatre to get involved, regardless of skill level or past experience, there’s an opportunity awaiting everyone.

David Attenborough Presents: The Sound Designer Here we are at DU Players, in this, the submission season. Directors scurry to and fro assembling a team. The stage managers agree to manage stages. Lighting designers prepare to have their hopes and dreams dashed, and the sound designers… are nowhere to be found.

Yes the sound designer is an elusive creature, rarely seeking out to work on a production, but being nabbed by directors. In order to avoid this, the sound designer has evolved to develop several defence mechanisms:

1.

Sound designers look just like regular people – that’s right, just like you or I! Look to your left and to your right, anybody in your midst could be a sound designer.

2.

Sound designers have allowed the development of a culture in which sound design is not considered “sexy”. Unlike lighting or costume design, there’s nothing attractive about sitting at a computer cutting and trimming files. And so, the sound designer will hide his or her predisposition to the art.

3.

When put to work, the sound designer takes on a grumpy demeanour. This can be characterised by the signature tutting sound uttered every thirty to thirty five seconds from behind the computer screen, a sure sign that the sound designer is at work, and not happy about it.

Now, we observe the sound designer in its natural habitat. Sitting on a couch on Front of House, the sound designer quietly sips its coffee, hoping not to attract the attention of any budding directors. Now watch, as someone the sound designer kinda-knows-on-a-give-thesup-nod-basis approaches the same couch. This individual is the primary predator of the sound designer: the would-be director. The director sits next to the sound designer and opens a laptop. See how the director gives off the signs of being exasperated before turning to the sound designer. By this point, it is already too late. The sound designer is well ensnared in the trap, and before they’ve realised what’s happened, the sound designer has been added to a Facebook group.

So we fast forward to the night the submission form is due, and the sound designer begins in the first of many rituals involved in a

production. Outlining their “main ideas for the sound.” This is perhaps the most dishonest part of the entire life-cycle of a sound designer. It is highly unlikely that “I’ll figure it out in five weeks’ time,” will be appreciated by the committee, and so the sound designer writes some grade-A bullshit about “working closely with the team,” and “frequent visits to the rehearsal room,” with a healthy sprinkling of buzz words like “ambient,” and “atmospheric.” The sound designer will then retreat back to its domicile, its job done for now.

The sound designer will now, for the most part, remain in their own company until show week.

The exception to this being if a show has the dreaded recorded voice overs. if this is the case, the sound designer can be found in the dressing rooms with a laptop and microphone, grumbling and whining about “interference” and “background noise.” This is typically the last time a sound designer will be seen before show week.

On occasion, a particularly amicable director will insist a sound designer comes to production meetings. This kind gesture is known to spook sound designers. With no budget requirements, all a sound designer can do is sit and nod and confirm that “things are coming along nicely.”

And now we are at the get in. With one hour to go before the tech run the sound designer arrives.

Finding a quiet corner, the sound designer plugs in a pair of headphones and navigates to youtube.com on the World Wide Web. There, they will search “explosion sfx,” “crash sfx,” and “doorbell sfx.” Then, having downloaded sounds that seem “a safe bet,” the sound designer may read the script. At this stage the sound designer engages in a ritual of profanity and tutting.

Downloading sound effects, and compiling a show file, the sound designer will have a cue list ready by the tech run. It is at this point the sound designers, restrained to the dreaded multiplay, swear to invest in a MacBook by this time next year, which would undoubtedly do wonders for their blood pressure.

And so the show goes up, the sound files are played in accordance with the cues, and everyone is happy. Everyone that is, except for our hapless sound designer, who just last week was coerced into another sound design, and thus, the cycle of life begins all over again.

- Cathal Thornton

By Jimmy Kavanagh

Improv, She Wrote - Yes, and...

Trinity’s best and only improv group is on the up - we were up in Edinburgh this summer and managed to blag our way into putting on a show for a week, see the king of improv, Colin Mocherie live on stage and get a photo with Big Clive Anderson (See our facebook page). We’re affiliated with DU Players but operate without a budget, without a venue and, up until Fringe, without team t-shirts. But that didn’t stop us from putting on regular shows last year to crowds of about 100 people in Players’ Theatre - (with thaks to Grace Morgan, last year’s House Manager, for letting us use the space; and a preemptive thanks to Rua Barron for letting this continue...). We’re hoping to continue Improv, She Wrote’s meteoric rise this year, starting with a freshers’ week workshop that we hope to keep up on a weekly basis. We will then hold auditions in a few weeks time so that you can join Robbie, Rob, Jade, Meghan and myself as part of the team. Whether you’ve done it before or never once, Improv, She Wrote welcomes everyone with a “Yes, And” attitude.

- Tim Houston

The Ten People You’ll Date in Players

By Sam Killian

Theatre! There’s acting and directing and sometimes a dance! We all love plays and that’s why we’re here in Players, the drama society for nerds!

Okay, has your MOM stopped reading? Good. Cos there’s only one reason we’re really in Players and that’s to get down and dirty with some hardcore dating. Frankly, plays can go take a jump off a cliff. It’s all just an elaborate ruse to get dates with people as hot or hotter than me, Sam Killian. But I wouldn’t let you go out into this big society date-fest alone. Nah bro, I’m not about that. Right now you’re a little pig in a big city, and if you want a babe to go with that Babe, then that’ll do, pig, that’ll do. Sorry, I mean a babe like a human. Babe is a film about a pig as well.

And that’s why I made this guide to lead you along the sexually frustrating and emotionally devastating journey that is THE TEN PEOPLE YOU’LL DATE IN PLAYERS.

1. An Actor

2. A set designer

Boy howdy, you done landed yourself a big ol’ actor! Can I have your autograph? If John Wilkes Booth is anything to go by, this person is hot, talented, and a real-life assassin, emphasis on the ass (either one). First things first, confirm that you are actually dating this person and it isn’t a play. Be sure to ask twice, because sometimes the first time you ask and they say “no this is an actual relationship”, it can be a play that first time.

Confused yet? Actors are high-energy and very loud. They say things like “stage right” and “motivation” and “to be or not to be”. If you want to date an actor, my hot tip is to write a play and cast them as a person on a date with you. Just be sure you don’t write “Waiting for Godot”.

Samuel Beckett wrote that one, and they’ll know you’re not him, because he’s really hot, way hotter than you.

Set designers are great because you’ll always know where you stand with them, and it’s probably on a set that they designed. That’s not a joke.

Set designers come in all shapes and sizes, and they probably know lots of different materials, so be sure to have at least a strong stance on plywood before you even consider dating one. The one thing about dating a set designer is that you’ll never get a surprise present ever again. See this exchange: SET DESIGNER: Merry Christmas! Here’s another set! ME: Thanks Simona etc My advice is to date them between Christmas and Valentine’s Day if you have enough sets already.

Also, above is an example of a script you can give to an actor that’s not “Waiting for Godot”. Or is it?

3. The Funny One

Yikes, this asshole. If jokes aren’t your thing, then don’t give that (wedding) ring. The funny one will make a joke about anything, and will end up making your life their greatest joke of all. Jerry Seinfeld is a real good example of this asshole.

If you’re seriously considering dating this person, get ready to laugh. Christ what an asshole.

4. A Committee Member

Whoa, social climber much? Nah seriously well done, that’s really cool. Dating a committee member is the crème de la resistance. You get all the perks of being on committee (gala balls, late nights in the office, people talking about you behind your back) with none of the responsibility.

Dating the chair is best, as all the other committee members have to kiss your hand when you enter a room and say “milady”. Then again, when dating a committee member it’s really important to remember that you mean absolutely nothing to them. They could have their pick of anyone in this godforsaken date-hole. They probably thought you were that hot person who kind of looks like you but definitely isn’t, because they’re so much hotter. Yeah, that must be it. Look in a mirror and tell me I’m wrong.

5. Party Wolf!

Party Wolf is the best person you’ll date in Players. On the outside he’s a real wolf who somehow and surely by accident is wearing a pair of sunglasses, but inside you’ll find a heart of gold and probably those farm animals that went missing two days ago. Party Wolf comes to Wednesday events sometimes. He’s really cool but don’t let that intimidate you. Let the fact that he’s a real wolf intimidate you.

Make lots of noises so he knows you’re approaching and don’t get between him and his pups. Wait, is Party Wolf a mother?!

DON’T: Intimidate Party Wolf. DO: Date Party Wolf.

6. The One Who Is Better Than You

This person, eh? You write a play, they write a better play. See what I mean? What are they even doing with someone like you? You were so jealous of them from the moment they got into Co-Op and somehow they turned that malice into a devoted relationship. Kissing, dating, everything’s a competition, and you’re always coming up short. Do they pity you? Oh it’s a dare. It must be a dare. That’s so cool they do dares.

They’re way cooler than you. My advice is to accept your shortcomings and try and find that one thing you do better than them, I mean, I’m reading that play you wrote and it’s not so bad – oh hang on, this is ‘Godot’. I told you someone wrote that! Have you been reading this at all?

7. Jimmy KAvanagh

Jimmy Kavanagh is an actor, writer, director, and final-year drama student, and he previously held the position of Publicity Officer of DU Players.

If you think you can handle all that baggage be my absolute guest but I don’t envy you.

8. The One That Got Away

9. Someone Not in Players

How did this person get on the list? No, it’s fine, there’s no story here it’s just – I’m fine I just didn’t expect to see them on this list is all. I’m so over it it’s not even funny. Haha. For real though, this is the one relationship you’ll ruin. If you could turn back time, maybe you could impress them enough with your ability to turn back time that they’d overlook the terrible thing(s) you did but you can’t. You should have kept a diary of that time so you could read over it now and remember what heaven is like. You should have taken more pictures. Or just put down the damn phone and looked at them, actually looked at them, watched them go about their life until you couldn’t see through tears of joy and thought, “This is the truest, purest love I’ll ever feel”. You will spend the rest of your life wondering what went wrong, then remembering that it was all the awful thing(s) you did. And no relationship will ever be the same. But like I said, I’m over it.

What, we’re not good enough? We host over fifty shows a year. What’s your damage? Nah I’m kidding. Look, we all make mistakes. Was it those debaters over in the GMB with their fancy suits? Oh they may look good but remember they’re just like play-doh - fun to play with, not to eat. Was it Snowsports with their holidays and deceptively baggy ski gear? Was it someone from your course?

Yeah – THAT’LL LAST. You’ll be back. Wait and see.

10. Me

Last but not least, everyone in Players eventually dates me, Sam Killian. Admittedly no one has actually gotten around to doing it yet, but I’m confident that, given time, all roads lead to good ol’ Sam Killian. But there’s so much fun to be had before you ultimately settle with me, Sam Killian. And hey, maybe next year you can help me add a few to the list, but I doubt it, because I’ve been really comprehensive. Now get out there and date up a storm!