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TNT

Trinity News Two April 25th 2006

Trinity Ball Special: Interviews with Ocean Colour Scene, Republic of Loose and Humanzi

40 days without sex? Column pg 3

Jack + Condi 4 Ever Politics pg 9

What Buffy taught us TV pg 14

The best kids’ books ever Page 10

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Cover Story

TNT

Setting the Scene Being the second best band in the world. Rocky montages. The fortunes of Birmingham F.C. Steve Clarke catches up with Trinity Ball headline act Ocean Colour Scene to discuss pretty much everything...

TNT: You’re touring to support a live acoustic album you’re releasing in May, which is also titled, “Live Acoustic”.

How’d that come about?

Simon Fowler: Oscar and I, our drummer, we started this ball rolling, ironically, in Dublin about four years ago. We started playing acoustically while Steve [Cradock, Ocean Colour Scene’s guitarist] was playing with Paul Weller.

We’ve always done Ireland and Scotland- we’ve done about two or three tours, Oscar and myself, and we just enjoyed the acoustics of playing at that.

Now everyone else in the band wants to do it, and so we’re doing a tour in line with that. The other thing is, it’s sort of a trail run, as it’s the first record on our own label. So it’ll be a relatively easy record to make and put out, and really guide us along as to what it’s like to run our own label.

TNT: I noticed on your website that you’ve been doing solo tours recently. In my experience that can be slightly ominous for a band. I mean, sure, Beyoncé’s solo stuff is good, but then there’s been the detours through that Pink Panther remake… Destiny’s Child has been put on the back-burner. Should Ocean Colour Scene fans be worried?

SF: No, no, I’ve always played; I’m playing a few gigs early in the week actually. It’s something that I’ve always kinda done; its how I started…there’s nothing for people who like the band to worry about. July 2nd we’re supporting The Who in Hyde Park, so we’ll definitely be getting out the electric guitars for that one. Then we’ll spend the rest of the year making a fully fledged electric studio album.

TNT: Probably, in the public consciousness, your biggest hit has been “The Day We Caught the Train”. Was that based on an actual journey, or was it a metaphor perhaps?

SF: It was actually based on a real journey we took down to London with our then producer Jimmy Miller, the old Rolling stones producer. But I think it was about the idea of going to the seaside: about having a good time, at that time. It was the mid-nineties. It was also a bit of a nod to Jimmy on the 515 in Quadrophenia I think.

TNT: The Who have been an influence

Ocean Colour Scene: ‘Noel Gallagher said we’re the second best band in the world. And he thinks The Beatles are the best band in the world, so I don’t know where that leaves Oasis’ on your music, but the big one has been Paul Weller- you’ve supported him, and he’s guested on your albums. Is he still a mentor to the band?

SF: Yeah, Steve’s with Paul at the minute, in Germany, he’s been playing with him for the best part of the year.

He’s like Uncle Paul! He’s exactly 6 years older than me- we have the same birthday and ironically, his mother’s maiden name was Cradock, so it’s a really eerie link. We’ve been playing with Paul since ’92 or ’93 and he really gave us so much confidence…by the time we were playing the Albert Hall under our own steam we had already supported Paul there about two or three times, playing “The Day We Caught the Train” to a crowd who had never heard it before. He’s been a friend and a mentor towards the bands, particularly Steve. I mean, he’s Steve’s hero. It’s so strange that Steve has ended up his best friend.

TNT: It’s a fairytale story almost. The band’s page on Wikipedia states your

sound is “deliberately retro”. Do you make a conscious effort?

ably why you wanted to be in a band in the first place

‘We shouldn’t have been pop stars, and I certainly shouldn’t be now - I’m forty...’

TNT: You just pick up the instruments, and do what feels right.

SF: No, we’re a traditionalist band, we play guitars and pianos and sing songs with harmonies and choruses, and obviously, the blueprint for that was set years ago. But we just do what we dowe don’t think about anything anywhere near as much as people imagine. Most bands are kinda retro really, aren’t they?

Even the modern bands who people say aren’t retro. When I walk around town now everyone’s dressed like they were in 1979 or 1981. From the Strokes onwards, all of those bands look to me like they could have been around 25 years ago. So without banging your head against saucepans, you’re bound to have elements of the past, because that’s prob-

SF: Well my view is we should pick up really, really medieval instruments and instead of a 1960’s-style band, we’d become a 1660’s style band. That’d be my next port of call.

TNT: It’d definitely be an interesting move; can we expect anything like that at the Trinity Ball?

SF: No, I think we’ll do a rock and roll set there I think. But at the other gigs in Ireland- Carlow the day after and Killarney the day after that, we’ll be doing more of the acoustic stuff. Trinity Ball we’re gonna play loud and fast.

TNT: Balls to the wall, rock and roll. So you’re been through a lot of ups and downs as a band in the past 17 years:

TNT you’ve been through various record labels, had no.1 albums, your manager nearly had his house repossessed…

Cover Story / Sex Column TNT: Do you think you’ll ever turn it around? Birmingham City I mean.

SF: We’re had a right old laugh, yeah.

SF: Yeah, we’re sleeping giants. I’d say within five years time we’ll be the biggest team in Europe.

TNT: It’s been an eventful journey, worthy of a montage, Rocky-style. What would that look like, and would the theme tune for it be?

SF: Come again?

TNT: Why not? Noel Gallagher once described you as the second biggest band in Britain…

TNT: Have you ever seen any of the Rocky films? Each one shows Rocky Balboa’s struggle to be the best through the medium of the montage. His whole life was a million-to-one shot. I think we could apply that to Ocean Colour Scene.

How’d you think that montage would look?

SF: I have absolutely no idea. Are you talking about Rocky, as in the boxer?

I’ve never seen those films.

TNT: {Pause} Seriously?

SF: I haven’t seen them, no. But I think you university lads would probably come up with a better answer than me.

TNT: At Trinity News we believe in integrity. I read that you used to be a journalist yourself?

SF: Yes, for five years- I became a journalist because I wanted to be a football commentator.

TNT: Do you support any of the Birmingham teams? It’s a hard time to be a Brummie.

SF: Yes, but it always is. It’s quite good supporting Birmingham city sometimes as you get kinda hardened and steeled to disappointment. It’s a good grounding for being in a band.

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The Sex Column

SF: No, it was the second best band in the world. And Noel says the Beatles are the best band in the world, so I don’t know where that leaves Oasis.

Sorcha Lyons thought she could last 40 days without sex. She was wrong.

TNT: A little bit further down I’d say.

Do you still strive for that sort of success you had around the Moseley Shoals period?

Sorcha Lyons does sex. Hot wet sexy sex, this is what I am good at.

However, being a good Catholic girl at heart, or should I say suffering from the backlashes of a Catholic upbringing, I occasionally get acute crises of conscience. Is sex before marriage morally right? Should I really be fellating my boyfriend? Am I going to go to hell? As you can imagine, these concerns caught up with me recently and following the dawn of Lent (way back on February the 6th for all you heathens out there), I decided to sacrifice what was nearest and dearest to my heart.... yup, you'’ve guessed it. SEX. So here's my challenge as it stands - no sexual acts or thoughts for 40 days and 40 nights (incidentally, I have never heard of a movie by that name starring Josh Hartnett).

The first obstacle I faced was breaking the news to my boyfriend, who is more than understanding generally. He didn't mind the time that I broke his Damien Rice sex DVD, he didn't mind

SF: We didn’t really strive for it then; it kind of happened. You have to remember, we were the second biggest guitar band in Britain for two, two and a half years, behind Oasis, but I think we became pop stars by default. We shouldn’t have been pop stars, and I certainly shouldn’t be now- I’m forty. That’s the province of the people dressed in their 1981 gear- people with spiky hair and their trousers half-way down their arse.

Those people are pop stars now…we certainly wouldn’t try sounding like this, that or the other to become famous or to become pop stars again.

TNT: That’s cool. Ok then, well, looking forward to seeing you guys at the Ball.

SF: Great, well say hello and we’ll have a drink!

TNT: Slammin’.

In addition to the Trinity Ball, Ocean Colour Scene also play the Music Factory Carlow on the 13th of May and the INEC Killarney on 14th May.

I couldn’t get sex off my mind. It was everywhere.

That middle-aged balding lecturer suddenly took on a new sexual glow...

of that relationship.

So I found myself, a lone woman, scouring the Dublin streets seeking the delicious smugness of celibacy. What now, I wondered to myself. I didn't know what to do, so I got myself some hobbies, I tried: the cinema, theatre, knitting, basket-weaving, horse-riding, baking, opera, Heat magazine, watching Sienna Miller's sex life instead of my own, golf, rifle club, mah jong, solitaire, trombone, potato stencilling, origami... to name but a few.

I felt great- I was musical, fitter than I'd been in years, artistically challenged... but something was missing. I couldn't ignore my giant cavernous vagina.

I couldn't get sex off my mind.

It was everywhere. It existed in every aspect of my life. That middle-aged balding lecturer who talks incessantly about Manheimer's Cataloging suddenly took on a new sexual glow. Men appeared everywhere, licking soft white ice-cream suggestively, sweating on rugby pitches, winking, kissing, holding doors open, flexing their muscles, inviting me to parties, pressing against me in the lift and teaching me how to play twister while pushing suggestively against my back. It was unbearable. It is at this stage that I would like to dispel any myths that exist- women love sex, women think about sex just as much as men, women want it just as much as you... yes, you reading this column.

There I was, alone, sweating, trying to find anything to get my mind off sex... I decided to turn to traditional family entertainment in the form of 'The Lion King'. Good clean family fun. And so there I was happily belting out the tune of 'Hakuna Matata' feeling more wholesome than ever. Suddenly, the unthinkable happens. I began to find teenage Simba unthinkably attractive... with his big mane, chiseled jaw, deep growl and athletic, nimble, virile body. This was the straw that broke the camel's back.

When you find yourself turning to bestiality, you know something is wrong. This celibacy thing had gone too far.

As far as I'm aware, bestiality is not allowed in the Catholic Church. As a compromise, I decided to fall; if it's good enough for Eve, it's good enough for me.

that I wrote about our sex life in the college magazine and he didn't bat an eyelid when I cheated on him with his Dad. So I figured he would understand this relatively minor aberration.

Unfortunately, I miscalculated his entire personality – it seems we don't know each other at all. When I broke the news, he was distraught... his face dropped.

There was silence for at least a minute.

Then he turned his head slowly toward me and said in his come-to-bed voice, "You don't really mean that, do you?" This was where I faced my first temptation - him and his cock, huge and pulsating, staring at me, throbbing... longing for me. I felt like Eve in the garden... it would be so easy to slip, so easy to fall into his creamy-smooth skin and... "NO!" I cried, "I won't do it. I won't succumb that easily, you snake!" That was the end 40 days and 40

nights - almost

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Cover Story

TNT

Spirit of the Republic Sarah Moriarty talks to Republic of Loose, officially Ireland’s coolest band Right, if you’re not yet overly enthused about the line-up for the Ball then rest assured, there is something to be excited about.

Republic of Loose have arrived with their original blend of funk, soul and rock and roll. The lads are coming on May 12th to rock out at the Trinity Ball.

One o’clock on a Friday afternoon, I give Republic of Loose bassist Benjamin ‘Loose’ a call to ask him about the band, the Irish music industry and the Trinity Ball.

The first thing I notice as he answers the phone is the marked gruffness of his voice… “Hello…”

This guy is cool. “Can I ask you a couple of questions Benjamin?”

“Yeah, rockin’”- he goes on to use the word “rockin’” another six times throughout the interview, but it doesn’t matter because as I said, this guy is cool. Rockstar cool.

He tells me casually, in his sexy Dublin accent, about the roots of the band. Republic of Loose have been

“Who would win in a fight between us and Christy Moore? Us. It’s 6 against 1. Besides, Christy is getting old...” experimenting and playing together as a band for five years now. In 2001, the guitarists, Dave and Brez, hooked up with the rest of the band- Deco on keys, Coz Neolan as their fiery energetic

Republic of Loose, looking cool as always drummer, Micheal Pyro on vocals and of course, the deeply spiritual twangings of Benjamin Loose on Bass. The name of the band ‘literally came out of Mick’s head’, Benjamin revealed. For them, the name contains a symbolic oxymoron. It shows the bands ability to be disciplined and united as a ‘Republic’, yet also relaxed, laidback and ‘Loose’. Benjamin, so convinced by the soulful ideology of the band, has taken on the alter egoBenjamin Loose.

The band signed in 2003 to Big Cat Records. They released their first

album, ‘This is the Tomb of the Juice’ in March of that year. Their new, exciting sound and lively, fiery performances quickly earned them a loyal fan base. In July 2005, they hit the commercial big time with the release of the funk-pop single ‘Comeback Girl’. The song was followed by the release of ‘You Know It’, in October 2005. These catchy, slinky numbers were enough to build the band’s international credibility and ensure commercial success.

The band have humble Dublin roots; they started off playing gigs in

Eamon Doran’s, now they’re rockin' out at Dublin Castle supporting Ian Brown and are one of the headlining acts of the Trinity Ball. When quizzed about the band’s success, Benjamin attributes it to the fact that the band stuck firmly to their musical guns despite what people around them thought. When asked what advice he would give to up and coming Irish acts looking to hit it big, he said, “Don’t listen to advice” (These guys just love their paradoxes). He claims that the best way to develop as a band is to do your own thing- Republic of Loose stayed away from the insular Dublin music circles where bands exist in a protective haven of other bands, where they play together and congratulate each other but ultimately, the band’s development is stunted. He advises people to get away from that scene and do what they feel like doing, “ignore everyone else and stick to what you’re doing”.

The band’s latest album was released on April 6th and flew into the Irish charts at number 2. The band were expecting it to do well, following the success of their singles, however, when they found out they were “in a scrap with Christy Moore for the number one slot”, they were more than a bit surprised So who’d win in an actual scrap between Republic of Loose and Christy Moore?

Benjamin claims they would, “it’s six against one. Besides, Christy is getting old”. Although he could be underestimating Christy- under pressure he could

TNT pull something out of his hat... namely a shovel.

The band is set to play the Trinity Ball this May. Benjamin considers this “a crazy established tradition” as they have played the Ball a few times before, most notably last year when they arrived on the main stage at 4.30am.

"Any scandal from the Ball last year?"

"No, we were really boring." "So you didn't score Kate Moss then?" "No, none of us scored Kate Moss, not even Pete Doherty scored Kate Moss." In fact, Benjamin has not-too-fond memories of being locked in a room, with the rest of

Cover Story/ Fresher Column the band, trying to stay awake and reasonably sober for their performance, which shined as one of the highlights of the night. This year, the lads have moved up in the pecking order and will be performing on the main stage, in a prime spot of the night. They plan to play their current hits as well as some tracks off the new album- we’re expecting a fusion of hip-hop, rock ‘n’ roll, reggae and soul with the usual Loose attitude. Don’t miss them at the Ball, they’re sure to have a set that is fresh, sexy and of course, rockin’.

Republic of Loose Biography Republic of Loose came together from the ashes of a band called Johnny Pyro and the Rock Coma in 2001.Dave and Michael had been working together under that moniker for several years previous,making a kind of grimy sub-gospel noise.

They recorded their debut album “This is the Tomb of the Juice” in March of that year. It was released in 2004 and garnered some excited and disgusted press and radioattention in Ireland and Europe. Emerging as the most exciting live act in the country, they quickly garnered a sizable and loyal fan base. Their live performances led to tour support withthe Neville Brothers, the Thrills, the Zutons, the Scissor Sisters, Alabama 3, Fun Lovin’ Criminals,Snow Patrol, The Roots, Dilated Peoples, as well as festival appearances at Glastonbury, T in the park,the Fleadh, Oxygen and the Transmusicale, Nice Jazz and Furia Sound festivals in France.

The single "Comeback Girl" was released in July 2005 and became a huge radio hit in Ireland. You Know It" was released in October of that year and became an even bigger hit. Their second album “Aaaargh” was released two weeks ago and entered the charts at No. 2

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The Fresher Column It’s Jason Robinson’s final column and there’s a few people he wants to thank...

Am I the only one who finds the idea of a super-fine appealing? Ah come on. A fine that is ‘Super’? Fine (no pun intended), they aren’t appealing then. Spoil sports… Anyway. So the exams are closing in and as a first year college student, I have to say I feel somewhat cheated. Everyone, all you older kids, convinced me that I had at least 2 years of fun and relaxation in front of me. But it seems you all lied.

That was not very nice at all. It now appears that not only are the exams less than a month away, but that they will probably be difficult aswell. If I fail, I’m holding all those who have lied to me culpable. I refuse to shoulder any of the blame…

But, as always, any pessimism I have regarding college life always subsides and we all know that the Trinity Ball is coming up shortly, something

‘infamous’ for dramatic purposes).The CSC ball, however, did not go to plan. I had the honour (we’ll call it that so I sound like a high achiever) of being nominated for ‘Best Fresher in the Society Awards presented at the ball.

However, it seems I was not universally loved. Despite much practising of a cheesy smile and photogenic pose, it seems CSC just doesn’t love me- perhaps they never did. So come the announcement of “Best Fresher”, my essay length acceptance speech and plans of world domination were up in smoke. I was going to thank my parents; was going to thank the Dalai Lama; I was even going to thank Tom Cruise.

But no, CSC had to ruin my fun and give the prize to somebody else (who was no doubt more deserving, but that’s not the point. I want to moan in my last column) However, as you all know, all Am I the only one who good things come to an end, and unfortunately this is the end of the road for finds the idea of a superthis Fresher and his Fresher’s column. fine appealing? Ah come But, it’s been good. Ecumenical deathon, a fine that is ‘Super?’ match never quite took off, but hey- I which will put us all at ease for at least put the idea out there for all of you to one night. And much and all as I would pick up on. I’ve spread multicultural love to complain about the mediocre ideas by telling you all how much I love line-up and the exorbitant price of a tick- the Japanese. I’ve even stretched the et (What’s that I hear you say? It costs hand of friendship out to “Team more than 1 day at Oxegen? Yes, yes it England”. All in all, I’ve tried to spread does), I won’t- because that would just some love. My flatmates and myself be plain negative. The simple fact is it have even opened our doors to the masswill (pardon the abandoning of English es and hosted numerous parties to help department vocabulary) kick ass for the Trinity students reproduce and multiply. vast majority of people and will no And, it is true that I may not have sucdoubt leave many talking points in the ceeded with many of these things. I may subsequent weeks when the reality of have just wasted precious minutes of exams kick in… your lives. And for this, I am truly sorry.

With the end of the academic But, in the end, I can only leave you year comes college societies AGMs and with 2 very important things to rememalso the infamous CSC ball (I’ll call it ber: Number 1) When Chuck Norris steps into water, Chuck doesn’t get wet; the water gets Chuck.

Number 2) My motto“Be safe, be cool…(and for the guys out there)ALWAYS wear a condom”. That, my friends, is all I can leave you with. Other than that, best of luck with the exams and thanks for listening to The Dalai Lama and Tom Cruise - two people me this year!

Jason didn’t get to thank

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Cover Story

TNT

“Yeah Gary threw our Meteor award Liffey after the show...”

Humanzi are not your typical Dublin band. Cillian O’Conchuir catches up with them to talk about supporting the Strokes, breaking out of the Dublin music scene and winning Best New Irish Act at the Meteors

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inners of Best New Irish Act 2006 at the Meteor Awards, by their own admission Humanzi are not another pretty-boy band. They play rock n’ roll the way they believe it should be played and make no apologies for it. They don’t try to be something there not in an industry where falseness is the order of the day.

“It was good that people voted for us and to get the recognition,” exclaims Shaun Mulrooney, in relation to winning the Meteor award. “To be honest Gary threw it into the Liffey after the show, but if we get best album next year it will be going on my mantle piece.”

Their style may not appeal to all but they do break away from mainstream music bands, a point picked up by front man Shaun. “There is a lack of individuality (in the industry), that’s for sure because everything being done has been done.” There is a feeling that there is a lack of talent when it comes to music groups today, something remarked on by Shaun. “I would say that there is 10% good and 90% rubbish, but there are still amazing bands coming through.”

An unmistakeable strong Dublin

accent indicates the origins of the band, the suburbs of the inner city. Humanzi consists of Shaun Mulrooney (guitar, keys and vocals), Colm Rutledge (guitar and vocals), Gary Lonergan (bass) and Brian Gallagher (drums and vocals). All four had been in bands previously, but

‘You don’t really take the Ball too seriously. Everyone is too pissed to really take notice of what’s going on...’ came together under Shaun. “I just started to write songs and asked the guys to play one gig with me and here they are, ended up staying for two years.”

“21st century punk,” is how Shaun describes the sound of the band. “We just try to blend it all in, the different genres.

My biggest inspiration would be Iggy Pop, Lou Reed, or David Bowie, although I can’t sing as well as any of them.”

There rise has been reminiscent of that of Republic of Loose who incidentally also saw Iggy Pop as a major inspiration. Republic Of Loose seem to

have maintained their original sound while increasing their popularity, clearly the power of publicity, and if Humanzi take a similar approach, who knows supporting the Rolling Stones may not be such a wild dream.

“We did one big gig in Whelan’s,” Shaun recalls back when the band was unsigned by a label. “We got a lot of label interest and a lot of them ended up turning up. That’s what got us all the labels wanting to sign us, so that was probably our big break.”

Their debut single, ‘Fix The Cracks,’ came out in November 2005.

Their second single, ‘Long Time Coming’ went on release in early February. That followed a little tour of Ireland in January called Violation. “It sort of went so well that we thought that we would keep it as a club,” reveals Shaun of the bands decision to play a series of unplanned gigs. “We have put on three of them so far and the bands that have played are doing releases with us on our label, SFR. It’s about keeping the momentum going.”

Supporting ‘The Strokes’ and ‘Foo Fighters’ were highlights of recent tours and both bands made a lasting an impression on Shaun. “The Strokes are a hugely successful and professional band and we learnt a lot from how tight they were. There stage set up stood out and the Foo Fighters, obviously another machine of a band, were really good.”

Having finished their UK tour over a month ago, the band is eager to get back on the road. “We have been finishing a record and doing a video, but we are interested to get back out because you get really tight and then you have to stop and you become really loose again.”

“It’s the most enjoyable thing for me, playing your music live because it’s totally different. You don’t know what’s going to happen, that’s what I like.

Sometimes you can be in a really an amazing mood and you can just do what you want and sometimes you just

stand there. It’s a weird physiological thing but it’s great. I love it.”

Before any plans of a tour, they play the Trinity Ball on May 12th next.

Ocean Colour Scene may be headlining this year but Humanzi will be making their second consecutive appearance at the ball. “It’s a great session, began Shaun. “The gig is going to be great and I think we’re on the main stage this year.

You don’t really take the gig too seriously. It’s more for the session. You can drink until seven in the morning. I think everybody is too pissed to really take notice of what’s going on. It’s just good fun.”

Downloading has been the biggest problem facing emerging talent, and Shaun has his own opinion. “It’s only the big corporation bands like U2 and Metallica, who are absolutely loaded, who seem to moan about downloading, but your music is getting out there. Look at the Arctic Monkey’s.”

“If you’re in our shoes and we haven’t released an album yet and people are telling us at gigs that they have our whole album because they got it off the internet, I’m delighted. It’s great to be able to give stuff away rather then rely on corporation’s, but it does seem to hurt the bigger bands. For now it’s just great for us to get around. When people really like your music they’re going to buy your album. Albums aren’t going to sell as much as they did but people will still want something to see, feel and touch.”

TNT

Cover Story/ Our Man Abroad

7

straight into the Our

If downloading has been the most publicised problem to the music industry, the growing drug problem it faces is biggest concealed problem which it must face. The industry and drugs have long gone hand in hand even if it is brushed under the carpet. So are they connected? It’s always been that way. Drugs and music are linked in all ways. Drugs and dance music, drugs and rock n’ roll, people in record labels, they all do drugs, everybody does, but it’s a real hidden thing.”

Drug problems within the industry have come to the fore recently

with the image of Pete Doherty splashed across the front of every tabloid.

Drugs have restricted bands to fulfil their potential in the past and Shaun doesn’t shy away from the question of drugs in the industry.

“Anybody who does hard drugs for a long, long time is going to be affected. I can’t think of one person who has come out of heroin and has a healthy career. I condemn it completely. It completely numbs people and turns them into cartoons of themselves and they start getting this weird physiological thing where they think they are amazing, but their not.

As for the future, Humanzi have a busy summer planned. “The album is coming out in July. We are releasing a new single, that’s going to MTV in a week, called ‘Diet Pills and Magazines.’ We are doing a couple of festivals and after them we’re going to go out and do a big European Tour. So, it’s all go.”

Man Abroad David Traynor is going to miss living the laid-back lifestyle of Spain Sitting down to write this article, I can’t believe that it’s going to be my final one. With only six weeks to go before my exams, I’m nowhere near ready to leave Salamanca. Over the past eight months, it has become my home and I feel part of the furniture here.

When I walk through the streets, I recognise people’s faces. In the local shops, supermarkets and bars, people talk to me as if I were a regular. Unfortunately, the clock is slowly ticking on the Erasmus year. Before I know it, I’m going to be thrust into the harsh reality of fourth year, an inevitable consequence I’ve been blocking out since last September.

So, these past few weeks, I’ve decided to make the most of what little time I have left here. When I wrote my last article, I was about to head off to Cádiz for its traditional Carnaval celebrations. It really was an insight into Spanish fiestas. Spaniards certainly

As regards nightlife, I’m just hoping that I haven’t done any permanent damage to my liver... know how to party. Over the festival, 1 million revellers descended on the average-sized city of 630,000. Throngs of party-goers in fancy dress filled the streets, drinking and partying in the open air as only Spaniards know how. It truly was amazing. Needless to say, I was recovering for a while afterwards.

March was mostly taken up by visitors. First of all, I had my uncle and cousin for a few days, followed by five of my close friends who came for a week. I did a bit of travelling with them, coming back just a few days before my mam and aunt arrived, towards the end of March. By the time they were gone, I was wrecked and in a way, happy, to get back to normal. I don’t think I could face giving someone another tour of Salamanca’s sights.

Since then, I’ve had a quiet two weeks catching up on college work which had piled up in March. It’s been great, though, because the good weather has finally come to Salamanca and as of today, I’m on my Easter holidays.

Everything really winds down here for Easter. Most of the Erasmus crowd are going home as well as the Spanish from

outside of Salamanca. Seeing as I saw so many people in March, I figured I should stay for Easter and do some travelling.

So, a group of five of us went on a road trip down south. We went to Seville for Easter itself, where we stayed with fellow European Studies classmates. The religious processions there were a sight to behold. After that, we toured Andalucía; mainly Córdoba, Granada, Marbella and a night in Cádiz too. It really was an excellent trip.

Looking back over the year, it’s been a hell of an experience. Not only has it been my first time to live abroad, it has also been my first time to live away from home. I’ve really enjoyed the added freedom this brings. In terms of college work, it has been a lot less intense than in Trinity. I’m quite happy with my progression, though. I’ve come on leaps and bounds since my first few weeks here when I used to go to lectures and sit there like a gone been, not having a clue what was going on. I’ve reached a respectable level of Spanish and if I manage to get a job here during the Summer, I might even be able to say I’m fluent when I come back. As regards nightlife, I’m just hoping that I haven’t done any permanent damage to my liver.

Adjusting back to life in Ireland is going to be difficult. I’ve become accustomed to the slower pace of life in Spain and also its cheapness. I like taking my siesta in the afternoon and lazing about the square in the evening, having a beer and an ice cream. I like bringing out €15 on a night out and having change in my pocket the next morning. It doesn’t bother me anymore that shops open when they like and that if you haven’t gone to the supermarket by Saturday morning, you’ll go hungry until Monday.

Altogether, it seems a better way to live than careering around the place as if the world is going to end, clutching a takeaway half-fat decaff mocha latte frappacino in your hand. Living here has just made me think we’ve gone somewhere wrong along the way. What happened to the easy-going, slow-paced Ireland?

Anyway, that’s enough profundity for one article. I hope you’ve enjoyed my column over the year as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it. Enjoy the Summer and see you next year.

8

Politics

In Cold Blood About a year before his death, Slobadon Milosovic started acting strangely. He wasn’t just refusing to fling himself at the mercy of the court; defiance of his accusers had been his approach since his trial at The Hague began. Reports had emerged of Slobbo’s odd behaviour in his cell where, in addition to work on his defence, he developed a nightly habit of pacing up and down his quarters while belting out a spirited version of ‘My Way’.

That the deposed head of a regime that slaughtered thousands was nightly butchering Sinatra, yet escaped comment in the mainstream media shows how a trial that began to a fanfare of sanctimony no longer seemed worthy of interest.

Lost in the time-consuming task of discovering what actually happened as Yugoslavia disintegrated, the case could not produce the daily revelations or drama needed to excite its former cheerleaders until the death of its principal defendant. Only after that did they emerge with the rather less triumphalist cry that “History will judge” Slobadon Milosovic. Implicit in this is the (usually) unspoken reproach: “Because we didn’t.”

Critics of the conduct of Milosovic’s case do in fact have a leg to stand on: It’s fair to question whether the trial of a man with no realistic hope of aquital had any justification beyond Western self-congratulation. The answer to that, though, lies in the reams of data still available online from The Hague’s website, and in the secondary purpose of any criminal trial: The discovery of truth.

Deciphering just what happened during the Kosovan Genocide, the seige or Belgrade, or any other attrocity is a difficult, arguably impossible task. The court authorities struggled valiantly to do so though, all the while giving the alleged villains of the piece every opportunity to disprove their casting. Scrupulous adherence to legal forms may have let Milosovic “off the hook,” but since when did we approach justice as we do fishing? Those that lament the lack of swift, decisive punishment should look to the developing farce in Baghdad for contrast.

Barring an intervention of biblical proportions, they will get their swift justice there.

Two things are all but certain in the trial of Saddam Hussein. One, Saddam will hang. Two, he will not have received anything approaching a fair trial.

It’s probably true that it would be impossible to create an

After the Laughter It would be absolutely fascinating to see what history will made of the recent controversy over the recent Danish cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammed. One can but wonder what time, perspective and the flow of events will do to the perception of this whole furore.

It seems to me that for all the energy and thought expended on the subject, the central point has largely been missed by everyone, especially the Western press. The ensuing debate has centred on some perceived threat to the right to freedom of speech and expression.

Of course we should defend to our last breath this fundamental right upon which so much of

TNT Derek Owens passes judgement on political show-trials

impartial tribunal to try a creature as vilified as Iraq’s former dictator. By insisting that the trial take place in Iraq itself, though, Hussein’s captors utterly abandoned the pretence of trying to meet this obligation (Their reason for doing so, that only in Baghdad could the death penalty be administered, is just as contemptible, but the rights and wrongs of judicial murder are a whole other can of worms). True, international tribunals have in the past been irrevocably biased – just look at the Nuremburg trials of leading Nazis. The US chief prosecutor there, Robert Jackson, though recognised t h a t “ t h e world yields n o

respect to courts that are merely organised to convict,” and even defendants at Nuremburg were allowed a right to adequate defence. Hussein and his co-defendants are not just on his third defence team - the first bunch were killed or chased out of Iraq, while the second boycotted the court in protest at the bias of proceedings - they’re a court-appointed bunch the defendants do not even recognise. They are also, through

“Discovery of the truth is far more valuable than the death of a deposed and captured dictator” screaming matches, expulsions, and the muting of microphones, being judicially silenced. The zenith of all this is, of course, the expulsion of reporters from the courtroom, and the effective transition of all proceedings to ‘in camera’ mode. Now the former dictator is being tried under a veil of silence, and will be murdered with hardly a soul fully comprehending why. It’s how he would have wanted it.

For Saddam cannot have been naïve enough to think that he could escape this fiasco alive. Rather, it has been his objective to disrupt, derail, and expose the inconsistencies at the heart of the whole trial since it began in October, destroying any potential sense of justice being done.

Obvious bias and incompetence has helped him do just that.

This final victory for Saddam may be a phyric one, but hardly insignificant – discovering the truth is far more valauble than the death of a deposed and captured dictator, and it has been sacrificed. A decision to liquidate Saddam Hussein using an Iraqi court was taken by his captors, and they will get their pound of flesh. Their bloodlust means, though, that we will not get the truth of what happened with the gassing of the Kurds, the invasion of Iran, or even the massacre at Ramallah for which he is on trial.

By comparison, Milosic may not have been legally linked to the genocidal crimes he is accused of, but we understand far better what caused the horrors of Yugoslavia’s breakup, and historians will in fact be able to judge him fairly. The same cannot be said of Hussein, when the story of his reign varies so wildly in the telling by both unashamed apologists and zealous condemners.

Without a fair open trial to sift fact from fiction, History will be unable to properly judge Saddam Hussein.

It will rightly, however, have nothing but contempt for those who orchestrated his judicial murder in cold blood.

Carl Fox pleads for common sense to accompony free speech

our expansive conception of a free society is based.

Of course we should make no apologies about preserving it. That's fine, that's been said again, and again, and then several times more.

However, I have yet to read a detailed examination of the responsibilities that must accompany rights and privileges, and the relevance of this to the current debate.

To have a right is not the same thing as to exercise it. It would be ludicrous to suggest that there's any threat to the right to education and shelter in Blackrock because of the large houses and private schools. Similarly, that we don't say or print something for genuine reasons

doesn't mean that our fundamental right to say or print this particular thing is in any way lessened or diminished.

There were and are spectacularly good reasons for not publishing those cartoons. Few, if any, in the mainstream press would argue that we can judge the legitimately held religious beliefs of Muslims to be anything other than legitimately held. They are perfectly entitled to believe that it is an egregious offence to depict the prophet, and those who rail against the perceived threat to our rights would rail against any attack on this. Yet, nowhere near enough attention is devoted to the crass insensitivity with which this Danish newspaper, for want of

a better word, actually held a competition to produce the best visual insult to Islam. They were, of course, well within their rights to do so, but that's not the same thing as to be right it's clearly not to say that they should. And the reprinting of the cartoons smacks of a combination of insensitive arrogance and stupidity that is quite simply breathtaking. Possibly our most treasured right, and we defend it by showing a significant proportion of the world, which seems to be growing more hostile by the day, that we can offend them anytime and anyway that we wish and there's nothing they can do.

That's not worthy of us, or at least, it shouldn't be. Furthermore, there is something that some

TNT

Politics

9

Jack Luvs Condi 4Ever (possibly...)

Hugh Roche Kelly’s sensitive take on Jack Straw’s attempted wooing of Condoleeza Rice Nostalgia for a first date only prolongs heartbreak. You can’t move rice with a hayfork. Poor Jack Straw (60, from Lancashire) found this out when, buoyed by the success and generally warm positive glow he got from their first date, he took a Ms. Condoleeza Rice (54, from Birmingham, Alabama) on a little tour of his home town.

“Our first date was really ‘her’ date, you know?

She showed me around Birmingham, Alabama, which is where she’s from. That felt really nice, it was so sweet of her; I wanted to return the favour this time around.

Without my wife and two children noticing anything, that is.”

Unfortunately, things didn’t go to plan. Looking back on it now, Straw thinks his young piece of totty (Rice is six years his junior) may have ‘googled’ his name, and read an unfortunate profile that lists “cooking puddings” among his hobbies. That, says Straw, lent a definite “tone” to the events.

Rice was reportedly seen sniffing Mr. Straw and making subtle examinations of his fingern a i l s throughout their t i m e together. This was, unfortunately, noticed by Straw who immediately became paranoid about his body odour, making constant attempts to sniff his own underarms, which, he said, “only [added to] the problem.”

The details of Straw’s plans to impress Rice reveal an awful, awful lot about how it all went wrong. He was far too obvious in copying- almost to the level of plagiarism- Rice’s own plans for their first date. The pair- who share a love of children- visited schools in Alabama, and Straw repeated this trick in Lancashire, where he even engaged in witty and interpersonal chats with the children.

Straw is, however a man who lives by his personal motto, feel compelled to do about it and real lives are lost as a result.

Consider the things that we can say, and we don't, purely because they're too offensive to justify. A man has gone to prison in Austria for making a career of Holocaust denial. He has no right to say that? He has no right to publish that, to print t-shirts? Perhaps he'd be free if he'd made the strategic decision to use the medium of cartoon. It's absolutely ridiculous.

Where are the rights protesters, publicising the evil of jailing a man for what appears to be a genuinely-held, if grossly stupid and offensive, viewpoint. Nobody cares. I've used maybe too many rhetorical questions in this paragraph, so I'll have to say it out straight. We're all being

“nothing exceeds like excess,” and fluffed it. Once you’ve seen one multiracial non-denominational school in sleepy north-west England, you’ve seen them all - Rice became more and more tired and eventually looked like a bored child in a museum. Instead of dealing with this like a responsible adult, he found himself irritated at her apparent ingratitude, and began to sulk.

“I was really annoyed, the next school we were going to was my big plan. A rose garden, just like I’d promised her, had been

planted two months ago by a committee of non-denominational schoolchildren in the pattern of a world without borders. It was my grand gesture, but I never got to show it to her.”

Instead, Rice discreetly asked one of her secret service men to ‘hurry things up,’ and the last school was skipped in favour of Straw’s next disaster; the tour of his favourite soccer team’s

“Once you’ve seen one multiracial nondenominational school in sleepy northwest England, you’ve seen them all”

unconscionably selective in our defence of the right to freedom of speech. All across Europe we're seeing the spread of American-style hate-crime law, and incitement to hatred legislation being enacted. Even in Trinity last year, the BNP were effectively banned from speaking because our delicate sensibilities were offended by what they had to say. What hypocrites we are to stand up now and say; this far and no further. By Jove we'll show those fundamentalists what freedom is all about. What fools they are for being so easily risen. Please.

What serious paper would deny the holocaust, or call for the reintroduction of slavery? None, they'd be crucified as anti-Semitic, or racist.

And, they'd be crucified by a goodly number

(empty) stadium. By that stage, Straw had planned to have made such an impact that the two would be walking slowly around the stadium, hands brushing against each other and just enjoying each other’s breathing as they contemplated the sunset. Instead, Straw was characteristically awkward, tense and, still hyperaware of his bodily scent, at pains not to stand close to his belle femme. They parted their separate ways for a few hours- during which time Straw returned to the rose garden and trampled them all in a fit of self-hatred- and met again for dinner.

Straw had, however one final card up his sleeve.

He surprised her with the one thing he knew couldn’t fail- a short city break in a nice hot climate.

This worked wonders. Not only was Rice stunned into saying yes, but she had the opportunity to travel in a private jet, no less, that Straw has the use of. He seemed to have salvaged the whole enterprise back to a level of intimacy the pair had never reached in Alabama, but on t h e plane over disaster struck again.

Having been plied with vintage claret, Rice made an astonishing offer to Straw: her bed.

Unfortunately, Straw reacted with panic, and ended up sleeping in Rice’s bed while she curled up on a seat. This may have been an irreparable blow to the blossoming relationship, yet still the saga continues.

of those harping on about our right to freedom of speech, a right that we have willingly placed tangible constrictions on ourselves.

In a civilised society, rights should be provided for us. They are the conditions for our civil existence and presuppose a viable public sphere of debate and participation. It is up to each one of us, however, to bring some private reason and personal responsibility to this sphere. Is a right worth the offence of millions and the deaths of innocents? Subjectively, I say yes, it probably is. Is a little self-restraint worth saving all that? There were so many other ways to make the point that Islam can be twisted towards dangerous, fanatical ends, so many different ways to say that religion in general

can become an awesome tool for hate. There was no need to compromise the basic point supposedly contained in the cartoons, and it's not an unimportant point, but now it's been lost in the very pointless and unnecessary confrontation that has arisen. I'm not arguing for censorship, but rather self-censorship, borne of consideration and thought. Civil rights confer upon us not inconsiderable power, and it is implicit that we use it with integrity and understanding, else we waste and jeopardise that which ought to sustain us.

Cartoons by Michael Church

10

Books

TNT

A Brief Tale of Two Genders As a recent survey showed Jane Eyre and Pride and Prejudice to be the ultimate female novels, Niamh Fleming-Farrell looks at the sexual politics of our literary favourites “The novel that means most to men is about indifference, alienation and lack of emotional responses.”

This is the finding made by the University of London recently and reported in The Guardian. The conclusion is the product of a survey of men to ascertain the books which they prefer and identify with the most.

Conducting a little research of my own it seems that Trinity’s ladies may have a similar penchant for indifference and alienation in their literary diet.

Reading the list of the top twenty books preferred by men something struck me - the majority of these books are ones I’d class amongst my own favourites. Of course from there I sprung straight to the obvious conclusion: I have a male mentality. I glimpsed at the list of favourite women’s books from a previous study only to have my first assumptions confirmed. Most of the women’s list I’d shy away from almost instantaneously for fear my face would almost crack with sarcasm at the happy or overly sentimental ending.

But before I began booking a sex change operation I

pondered the notion that most of my girlfriends’ favourite book lists would probably also contain more similarity with the men’s list. Conversations with the girls have often revolved around The Catcher in the Rye, The Great Gatsby, Lord of the Rings, and Lolita, all of which feature in the men’s top twenty and not the women’s. Looking at the ladies’ list my gut feeling was that most of my female peers would rather read items from the men’s list.

To verify this claim I took a little trip to the social experiment better known as Facebook. I typed in the top twenty men’s titles and searched each one, counting how many females and how many males had listed each book as a favourite. Unsurprisingly the results showed that for 9 out of the top 20 books more females had listed it as a favourite than males. Two books, Ullysees and Slaughterhouse 5 had equal numbers of male and female fans. Nobody on TCD Facebook cared for Fitzgerald’s Brighton Rock or Sawyer’s The Adventure’s of Huckleberry Finn, which leaves us with a total of 7 out of the original male list

Most of my girlfriends’ favourite book lists would probably also contain more similarity with the men’s list being favourites of a greater number of males than females. This demonstrates a significant female interest in and liking for supposedly male literature, although I must concede that the top four men’s books (The

Outsider by Albert Camus, Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad, Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald) had bigger male fan groups than female fan groups.

However, all four books were also listed by multiple women. This is very much unlike the results that come up when the UL study’s favourite women’s book is searched. Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice appears on Facebook as a favourite of thirty-two females and just one male.

In the University of London survey there was only one book that appeared in both the men’s and women’s top twenty. At Trinity, this book, Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird’s fan club is 88% female.

Does this mean that Trinity women have a male mentality when it comes to literature?

It is also noteworthy that Harper Lee was the only female writer in the male top twenty. Does this mean that Trinity women have a male mentality when it comes to literature? Or do they simply have wider taste in literature. The results when searching the Women’s list titles do indicate that Trinity’s female population are less gender specific when it comes to fiction than their male counterparts. This suggests that, in line with the UL study, women do have a greater capacity for passionate fiction but not to the exclusion of the perceived damp and dull fiction which men consider important.

...And they all lived happily ever after Anna Ni Chaoimh indulges in some old skool nostalgia as she attempts to recapture her youth through the books that shaped it Many children’s books are ingrained in our subconscious. Rereading these stories can be an enlightening and comforting experience. Their beauty, simplicity and pure fun could help you get through this traumatising exam period. The following is a short list of some of the forgotten literary treasures of childhood.

Winnie-the-Pooh by A.A. Milne

underlying theology. If you haven’t yet experienced the magic of Narnia then now is the time.

Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll The complex language, nonsense and riddles, teamed with the memorable Tenniel pictures, make this book utterly magnificent. The crazed subterranean civilisation contains a wealth of perfect satire, not just

The characters have penetrated the general consciousness of the western world, and are infinitely loveable.

Each adventure inflates the importance of the mundane and is conveniently over by tea-time. These innocent, reassuringly safe tales, and the enormously witty elements they contain, make the stories an absolutely necessary read.

The Little Prince by Antoine de SaintExupéry The text, which flows with a poetic, graceful simplicity, is interspersed with forty watercolour pictures drawn with a childlike gravity and yet meticulously detailed. It expresses the author’s yearning for a freer, more sincere and introspective world. The book is about understanding life and love. In the words of the author, ‘there are a few stories which in some way, in some degree, change the world forever for their readers.

This is one.’

The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis A classic in every sense. The well-developed world, characters and the narrative action counterbalance the

stories feature silliness and a surprising element of violence. These witty and charming rhymes hold all of the greatest aspects of Dahl’s work and if missed out on them as a child (my cousin was denied these stories due to their cultural subversions) it isn’t too late.

The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss A hard-hitting novel of prose and poetry, re-examining the dynamic rhyming schemes and bold imagery of his earlier work. Dr. Seuss pays homage to the theories of Freud in this lurid fantasy of a renegade feline helping two children understand their sexuality. If that’s all a bit much, it can be read as a very innocent and imaginative story about the adventures children can have when their parents are out.

The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams Accompanied by classic illustrations by William Nicholson, this story offers the ultimate answer to the question: what is real? As the skin horse says, ‘Real isn’t how you are made. It’s a thing that happens to you’.

Victorian England but of modern society and it’s bizarre formalities.

Revolting Rhymes by Roald Dahl The ‘true’ stories behind fairy tales are revealed. Dahl offers very different morals to stories such as Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, The Three Little Pigs, Little Red Riding Hood and Cinderella. All the

The Neverending Story by Michael Ende If you were a fan of the seamless (or comical) 80’s film version, it’s time to read the book. This tale, predicated on a Great Quest and splashed with literary colour, holds a moral vision of a Manichaean simplicity and was adopted as a symbol by peace marchers worldwide. It can be taken as seriously or as light-heartedly as one wishes.

TNT

Theatre

11

Happy Birthday Mr. Beckett As one of Dublin’s favourite sons reaches his centenary, David Lydon takes a look at the festival, and previewssome of the events put on in Samuel Beckett’s honour Samuel Beckett is a name familiar to many but well known by few. For a man who won the Nobel Prize for Literature, is credited with perfecting the Theatre of the Absurd, and who has his own theatre within Trinity, he remains a figure shrouded in mystery and secrecy. Hs theatrical calling card, Waiting for Godot, is universally acknowledged as being one of the great pieces of drama, despite being labelled by one critic as a play where “Nothing happens. Twice.” Indeed, for a man who has made such an important impact upon the world of theatre, as well as writing several novels and poems, his reluctance to live in the public eye has ensured that his enigmatic life will always be as famous as his work. It is a well known fact that Beckett never gave a public interview, instead only speaking to trusted biographers and friends about his life and work.

It is with great anticipation that the Beckett Centenary festival takes place this Spring onwards. The last festival, organised by the Gate theatre in 1991, was a great success, with Beckett’s works finding a new, younger audience and interest was regenerated in the playwright’s work. More recently, the Beckett on Film series gave fans the chance to witness his plays on the screen, the first time that this had been achieved.

Therefore, the current celebration has its work cut out to reach new levels of Beckett-inspired festivities, from performances in the Gate to exhibitions of photographs within Trinity’s own walls.

Beckett, who died in 1989, would no doubt find the celebration unnecessary and instead rather celebrate his big day in his own company. The bleak presentation of humanity within his work does not bode well for a birthday party, but as Gate director Mchael Colgan is quick to point out, Beckett’s work also contains moments of blatant optimism, from the humour in Waiting for Godot, to the simple humanity in Rockaby.

Subsequently, thefestival events that have already occurred have been an overwhelming success, with more to follow.

The festival is taking place mainly in the Gate Theatre, with links around Dublin and even across the sea in London. Highlights of Beckett’s dramatic works include Krapp’s Last Tape (starring John Hurt in a role he played five years ago in Dublin), Eh Joe starring Michael Gambon, and of course the widely acclaimed production of Waiting for Godot.

Outside of the Gate, the Royal Hibernian Acadamy is perfoming I Not I outdoors as part of their own exhibition, and the National Photographic Archive is showcasing Beckett’s life in pictures. As well as this, the Irish Film Institute is showing the Beckett on Film series, providing fans with the rare chance to see Beckett’s lesser known works that were adapted for the series. Numerous other events ranging from lectures to street theatre have been orgainised to commemeorate the man whose work mastered many genres.

Beckett’s work has often proved difficult viewing, and to see how the Gate attempts to broaden his appeal will be interesting. One thing is for sure though – there has never been a better time to be a fan, and the truly international standing that the Centenary Festival has earned should be enough to convert even the most traditional theatre goer to the Samuel’s charms.

The Samuel Beckett Centenary Festival runs throughout April and May, with some events lasting through the Summer. For full details, the Festival website can be found at http://www.beckettcentenaryfestival.ie

Absurdity hits Players...

Dancin’ in the Streets

Continuing with the Beckettian theme, Tara Robinson rounds up the recent Festival of the Absurd in our very own Players Theatre

As the Irish International Dance Festival hits Dublin, David Lydon caught up with the festival’s Artistic Director Catherine Nunes

As the nation and O’Connell Street’s lampposts commemorate the face of Samuel Beckett (and his contribution to theatre), DU Players held their own tribute.

Although unable to perform his works, Players held a series of innovative rehearsed readings for his 100th Birthday on the 13th to mark a finale of their ‘Festival of the Absurd’.

This theatrical bonanza lasted 13 days (a very Beckettian number indeed) and aimed to explore and celebrate dramatists associated with the Absurdist movement or subsequently inspired by it. Festival director Ciaran O’Melia explained: ‘In order to differentiate from the events around Dublin we wanted to look at Beckett from another angle and so decided to show his work within the contemporary

and theatrical context from which it emerged’.

The ‘Theatre of the Absurd’ was a term coined

by Martin Esslin to group together the anti-rationalist playwrights from the mid 1900s who subverted logic and relished in the unexpected. The overall effect showed the human situation as fundamentally meaningless and absurd and was well achieved throughout the fortnight of festivities.

The opening night of the festival was a showcase of virtuoso student creativity: an evening of sketches and short written pieces in response to the Absurd. From a man’s one-way conversation with a dead body to a pair of monks eating a McDonald’s meal in lengthy silence, ‘the bizarre’ was exploited in every way and the fun was had. Throughout the fol-

lowing days, performances of Edward Albee, Luigi Pirandello, Harold Pinter and Tom Stoppard were shown, supplemented by a rich assortment of lunchtime readings and talks.

No doubt Beckett would have heartily disapproved of the large birthday cake and Players’ jollity in Front of House on his birthday. But, however nauseous the Beckett aficionados may feel on his behalf, there remains an important function for celebratory festivals of this kind: increasing the accessibility of some of the greatest works produced for theatre. And even Beckett couldn’t have argued that getting the people in and forcing them to think (and laugh) was a bad thing.

The International Dance Festival of Ireland returns from the 21st of April to the 7th May with a programme promising the most diverse rage of events yet. The success of the previous festivals in both 2002 and 2004 has earned the event annual status with increased funding from the Irish Arts Council. Artistic Director Catherine Nunes claims the Festival offers events for both dance newcomers and the most experienced enthusiasts, with performances in both the Abbey and the Project Arts centre. As well as the recitals, there are a series of masterclasses given by the performers, offering world class lectures and opportunities for budding young dancers.

The audience for Dance is still relatively young in Ireland, and Nunes would be the first to point out that the developing nature of the festival means that times are

indeed a-changing. The 2004 festival saw the total audiences comprised of 60% newcomers to the medium. The diversity amongst the performances, ranging from hip hop to ballet, ensures that the even the most obscure Dance fans shall be satisfied. Despite the open intake of audience, the quality is always assured to be high, especially if the performances of Swan Lake and the visiting French and German companies are anything to go by.

Nunes states that the Festival aims to challenge expectations and reinvent the perception of Dance in Irealnd, with the opening performance of Belgian Ballet likely to push the boundaries of the medium.

The brochure for the Festival contains a handy ‘Beginner’s Guide’ to Dance, which highlights the focus on generating the already broad appeal that Dance gains. As all styles of Dance are featured as part of the programme, this year’s occasion looks like being the biggest yet, so be sure to take the opportunity to broaden your theatrical horizons over the next four weeks and take advantage of another high quality and high profile event in Dublin.

Full information on the Dance Festival can be found at : www.dancefestivalireland.ie

12

Fashion

TNT

How to grow old fabulously Emma O’Donoghue On the margins of society they stand – rarely being watched but always watching. Struggling, ambling, poking around on some busy street, heading in the direction of the nearest dispenser of thermal underwear – oh yes, they know what practicality is in this cold, damp climate.

Around midday they can be seen flocking to bus stops in a rambling multitude of ticket waving, stick prodding and reusable shopping bag rustling. I am lost in a sea of old women. Nobody wants to confront the ageing body but this sight is what we have come to expect on a daily basis. Plaid, pastel and floral dresses, hand knitted cardigans, headscarves and very very practical footwear. The result of a lifetime of getting wet and dealing with blisters. More power to their pragmatism.

However there is a separate category of women that dispense with thermal underwear (the naughty rogues) and use headscarves only to polish their silverware. They are the ones that waver between wanting and not wanting to be seen. Though they hover on the peripheral of the world of fashion, they still strive to keep one foot in the door of ‘fabulous darling’. Words like ‘exotic’, ‘eccentric’ and in some cases ‘downright scary’ have all been used to discern some logic in the fascinating world of the ‘glamorous granny’. These women are usually less noticeable on the streets of Dublin but occasionally if you’re very lucky you may catch a flash of a

turquoise scarf or hear the click of a red stiletto cushioned by a pick sock. It is the way of the future for those of us who dare to be different. It is a sign of hope in a world that favours the young and beautiful. Who among us has not fantasised about having a toy boy by the name of Caesar or Fabio handing us Martinis as we waltz to the music of a Mediterranean quartet? Is it utterly ludicrous to desire that kind of attention when our youthful looks have faded? Or is it the ‘glamorous granny’s’ way of saying ‘I’ll wear what I like – I’m out of here soon enough anyway’? Maybe it’s as innocent as the combination of poor eyesight and thrift shop bargains kept at eye level to avoid unnecessary bending down.

What makes a ‘glamorous granny’? Does eccentricity only work when we live embittered and hostile in

The most glam of all the grans, Pat Butcher

ageing mansions and blind, there is something so force young protégés to compelling about her statefall in love with our ment ‘yes, I was beautiful sexually barren nieces? once’. Pat is a result of that Do the frills, the inevitable fear we all have colours and the accesof losing our identity with sories only have an our looks. Its almost as effect when there is an though she wants to freeze uncompromising genius time, to recreate the look to accompany them? she had when she felt she Take Vivienne was at her physical and sexWestwood for example. ual peak. She is a parody This woman is undisand yet a startling reflection putedly an absolute of a woman who is proud of genius when it comes The rather fabulous what she is despite everyto fashion – challeng- Vivienne Westwood thing and she wants to proing conformity at every claim it to the world with or turn and applying that acute eye for the without consulting a mirror first. Who sublimely unique to her own dress. At a needs a mirror when you have four pairs nicely seasoned sixty-four years of age of disco ball earrings anyway? she has more glamour and style than you The ‘glamorous granny’ does can shake a walking stick at. She not necessarily need wealth or eccentricibelieves that ‘eccentricity is such a badge ty to be fabulous – she has lived long of honour to be given in these conformist enough to be proud of who she is. All times’. She thrives in the confrontation she needs is the realisation that style is with humdrum fashion trends and love or an accessory to any age, and like most hate her, she knows what she’s doing, things it can only get better with pracclaiming ‘you have a much better life if tice. Is it so wrong to want poke your you wear impressive clothes’. head out from behind the plaid headWith this sentiment let me now scarf? To want to retain some old beauty turn to another well-seasoned lady on the or create something new? I defy you opposite end of the social spectrum. She beige overcoats and woolly thermals, let has been described as ‘hard as nails’ and me walk in my stilettos and parade a ‘first class survivor’. Pat Butcher – around with my toy boy on my arm!

Eastender’s battle-axe and ex working Whatever we do let us take pride in getgirl is truly a sight to behold! Gracing ting old. Though I must admit most of us our TV screens with a barrage of colours lucky enough to get there should be that will blind you and earrings that will grateful we can walk, let alone in stiletmake you glad her colours made you tos.

Billion Dollar Blow-Out is a wash-out A day of designer shopping at half the price. It’s what fashion-scene-ster dreams about. So why was the ‘Billion Dollar Babes’ showcase such an anticlimax? By Carmen Bryce When I heard about an event premiering in Dublin that was offering over forty designer labels with a discount of up to 80%, I couldn’t believe my ears. ‘Billion Dollar Babes,’ an event being held in the IFSC, Custom House Quay, promised to be a day not to miss, with a landslide of discounts on labels such as Vivienne Westwood, True Religion, Diane Von Furstenberg, and Ghost to name just a few. Although this was its first time to hit the Emerald Isles, the ‘Billion Dollar Babes’ events have proven undeniably popular in fashion capitals such as Los Angeles, New York, Chicago and London amongst celebrities, stylists, publicists and the fashion hungry public.

Hollywood starlets including Naomi Watts, Claire Danes, Kim Cattrall and Juliette Lewis have been spotted scanning the rows upon rows of designer treads.

The ‘New York Times’ called it ‘The greatest fashion story ever told,’ ‘Cosmopolitan’ named it ‘Cream of the Fashion Crop’ So why did my friends and I leave the venue empty-handed, feeling dejected and psychologically scarred

from the landslide of hideous garments that we ventured to try on? I am not a religious person, but to me the whole day was like being in fashion purgatory rather than fashion heaven. It was as if I was being punished for wearing those legwarmers back in the late 90’s or for those streaky highlights when I was 15… alright then, 21.

The day started on our arrival to a queue of women longer than the Great Wall of China. After a bit of chancing my arm with the PR girl (Me -while looking disenchanting at my finger nails and yawning- “Ya, Ya Trinity News, that’s right.” Her- looking very blond and very unimpressed- “Like whatever, go ahead”) we skipped the begrudging crowd, clutching our wallets in earnest anticipation. If shopping is a stimulant, we expected this event to leave us as high as kites. I envisioned an Eden of exclusive offers with, if I dared to venture, muscle bound and scantily clad male models catering to our every whim. Perhaps the oiled up models was a bit of wishful thinking on my part, but in the cold light

of a drizzly Dublin day, the reality of the event was more Paradise Lost than Garden of Eden. The male models disappeared with a poof and what we encountered instead was rows upon rows of last season’s rejected stock, crowds of agitated shoppers, sweaty, communal changing rooms and price tags that would leave us in debt until we were forty-five. The event seemed to me no better than an upmarket TK Maxx, but without the appeal of a two digit price tag. Despite being surrounded by designer gear, there was nothing available that was less than 3 seasons old and the discounts were really not all that impressive. ‘ ‘ ‘Westwood,Westwood everywhere and not a drop to buy.’ Arriving at 1pm perhaps we left it far too late for any decent selection or perhaps that after the VIP event the previous day, all offers had been swiped. Maybe it was geography that put a dampener on the event as Ireland is clearly not LA, lacking perhaps the glamour and sophistication necessary for these events. Whatever the reason, I left bitterly disappointed, more excited

about the free bottled water than the selection of clothes on offer.

All things aside however, try not to let me to discourage you from going along to the second ‘Billion Dollar’ event on May 20th. Second time around is bound to be a better organised and more inspired event with any creases firmly ironed out. A good thing about the event was the fact that all proceeds go to Action Breast Cancer which is reason enough for everyone to go along and try it for themselves. My advice is to get there early, preparing to line up from as early as 7am or be willing to folk out a sum for the VIP day which promises a wider selection of gear. If nothing else, go for the pure entertainment you’ll get from seeing your best friend squeeze into an Issey Miyake, disco diva-esque, glittery dress two sizes too smal. One hour was enough for me however and on my flatmate’s suggestion we headed straight to TopShop, where the clothes were in season, laid out in order of size and where we had a cosy little cubicle all to ourselves.

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Fashion

13

The Life and Passion of Jerry Osei-Tutu Kerrie Forde talks to the very young and very talented up-and-coming designer Jerry Osei-Tutu I have a friend who tells me lies on MSN instant messenger. That’s where my story begins with Jerry Osei-Tutu. A story, rather than an interview. The narrative….. Jerry, ‘one of the boys’, used to go home early from when he was like 17, so that he could design clothes. Now, he has his own fashion house and was nominated for Entrepreneur of the year at the Urban Music Awards 2005. It sounded elaborate, it wasn’t from a credible source but it happened and its happening and a week later I sat in front of the young designer after contacting his PA, friend in tow, smoking away at the bar.

My fingers relax on the keyboard for a good seven seconds while I revise my use of the words ‘young’ and ‘designer’.

His youth and his occupation, the two things combined that make him incredible, yet as I was to learn, for Jerry, being

The young and talented Jerry Osei-Tutu young and being in business, doesn’t have solely positive implications and the person whom I met carried himself with a flare and voice very much beyond his years. I left the interview with two distinct feelings, one best described as an acute fear that it really does take an ‘individual’, to achieve something other than a white-collared existence, to follow the dream you always had instead of conveniently learning to repress them, the older you get. The other was recognition of the ‘personal’, in everything that you do, hence the absence of an interview format.

Jerry paid tribute to his surname by labelling the fashion house ‘OseiTutu,’ a royal name, being a distant relation to the current King of Ghana.

Certainly the bold colours and rich fab-

rics frequented in his collections seem emblematic of his heritage, even his polished appearance lends him a some-what regal air. When I bring up his age I give him a subject he can bounce off, he takes it and takes it very seriously. His real age, he reveals, was something he only recently revealed to the public, despite the fact it was a topic that was introduced all the time. He explains that, “if you’re young in business people take advantage of you, if you’re young in fashion people think you’re not ‘there’ yet.”

But what could it possibly feel like to have achieved so much at 20?

Interestingly he points out the fact that when he looks at his competitors, many of whom are twice his age, he thinks about what he might accomplish in another twenty years time. It makes me think, whether in the future I’ll be talking about meeting a person who was very much preparing an assault on the fashion world if not yet defining it. The disadvantage. The fact that when he goes to source his materials people don’t recognise him and just look at him as a student. It seems like pessimism towards his age might just be a reaction to his current, maybe daily struggles to get things done. When I meet him in Covent Garden, on a day when he actually has the evening off and tells me to take my time, he’s carrying his briefcase and looks like maybe he’s had a difficult morning. That’s not something I actually asked him about, but it took a relaxed Jerry, ten minutes in to the interview to half heartedly decide that actually maybe the good overcomes the bad.

Jerry explains how he started when he was seventeen and made his decisions, then, to give up the luxuries that one might associate with a young person. When he left college he worked four jobs, whatever it took to finance the label, with a business plan at the age of 13, he pursued his dream with absolute conviction. I was curious about what Jerry was like as a schoolboy, whether he was the type of kid who teachers would have predicted as a character who, definitely would leave and become a successful entrepreneur. There’s something romantic in that notion, the way teachers like to think they see the future. I wondered whether that was what they saw in him and whether it was voiced at parentevenings. Jerry tells me that this was absolutely not the case, he was the naughty kid, but not naughty in the sense that everyone was scared of him, just the class clown. He would funk up the uniform in an attempt to be different, there was always a desire to stand out but he wasn’t known for being particularly creative. When I ask him about the advice he would give to someone who wanted to go into the fashion business or simply pursue any competitive career, his answer is simply, if you really really

want something you will do it. Again what prevails is the idea of sacrifice.

Jerry lets me know, ‘I’m 20, but I can’t be seen drunk, hanging off the side of a lamppost, people will think that’s how I

I’m 20 but I can’t be seen drunk, hanging off the side of a lamppost, people will think that’s how I run my business run my business.’

Its men’s fashion that really interests Jerry. He wants to see a change in the way men look; he comments that the way men dress, in general, is terrible.

That’s where Jerry comes in; when he used to walk in to a room in people would look twice and that’s what inspired him to become a designer.

Jerry’s collections for men look slightly feminine, indulgent and luxurious, daring even. He will not design something that he wouldn’t wear himself and ninety percent of the time he wears his own label.

When he does wear other brands, he likes brands that ‘actually’ put work into their clothes, rather than just taking what’s on the high street and doing it in another colour. Jerry attended the Urban Music Awards 2005 as a nominee for best entrepreneur, wearing a suit covered in stunning floral patterns, capturing the attention of the press as soon as he hit the red carpet. I actually got really excited when he started talking about the suit, it was the first piece of his I saw on his website and I feel that any real attempt to describe it would do the suit no justice.

Jerry smiles with the acknowledgement that his clothes really do work for him.

It’s his territory.

High-street fashion, Jerry maintains, is somewhat of an oxy-moron.

Everyone looks the same. It’s not what fashion should be about. With designer labels losing sales and impact in the UK’s industry, its refreshing to find someone who agrees that although its cheap its not exactly cheerful to look at an identical, cut, pattern, shape, design on every young person on the street. I ask him whether his natural reaction is to walk into a room and survey what people are wearing and right now I remember his comment ‘my eyes see all.’ Jerry describes an experience whereby he once went to a party wearing jeans and a pink shirt and when he saw others in similar attire, he ordered a glass of wine, drank it and left.

I started the interview by placing a page of famous quotes about fashion and clothes before Jerry and asked him to pick the one he felt he most related to. He chose James Laver’s, ‘clothes are not the clothes of the body, but of the mind’. I expected him to choose this, this is an idea that is indulged on his website, pictures of his latest collections are accompanied with descriptions of the type of people he envisions wearing them. Jerry makes it clear that he channels his feelings through fashion, with a self-confessed tendency to mumble and speak with little clarity; this is his way of expressing himself. Meeting Jerry reconfirmed my beliefs about fashion and in fashion. What we choose to wear, consciously or subconsciously, tells its own story. And if it’s possible that you don’t really have a story to tell, I’d go with Mr Wilde himself, ‘if you can’t be a work of art, wear a work of art’.

14

Staying In

TNT

Why Reality TV might just be the best thing on television (seriously...)

Hannah Scally “Military intelligence is to intelligence what military music is to music”, said Groucho Marx. What reality TV is to reality? Despite my many objections to the 'genre', ethical, intellectual, aesthetic or otherwise, I keep getting hooked.

Having scorned Big Brother for the past two years, I found myself shouting at Pete doing something annoying on the recent Celebrity Big Brother.

I met someone who doesn't watch TV. He announced this one evening in a dramatic kind of way. He said: "I don't watch TV". Then he took a really long swig from his beer, and put on some sunglasses (or clearly wanted to, anyway).

When someone does this you have two options. The first is to act all interested and say "Really? Why?", hoping you're not about to find out that they have some kind of tiresome objection to it. Really, the only kind of answer that I want in that situation is "because it's haunted". Or "because when my great aunt died she left us all her money, on the condition that nobody enters the lefthand side of the house ever again."

Anything else is likely to be a patronising response to your enthusiatic description of the latest something or other. The second option is to say "Mm." They'll probably elaborate anyway whether you like it or not, but try not to give them that moment.

There is, he was right, something fairly unusual about this. Television takes up a surprisingly large proportion of our time. But he is far from the first person to suggest that it is not worth watching at all, or that it is somehow dertrimental to our mental and physical

well-being. That it's basically a pile of that makes it much easier to influence trash. I can sympathise with those who and distract somebody against their will. give out about TV. I have, on occasion, I have a confusing relationship with telebeen them. With Reality TV (cheap to vision. I watch all these rubbishy shows, make, hugely profitable) infecting the and enjoys them schedules, most of which is yawnsome It's not just TV. Or, it is TV. It artifice, it seems like television has taken presents us with one of the most complia turn for the worse. cated, self-aware, multi-layered ways of But the question about whether seeing ourselves that I know. This really TV is essentially good or bad has been hit me one evening watching the end of around since its early days, and has never the second series of the American really gone away. Alistair Cooke in the Apprentice: So far we've been watching 70's argued that it is simply a medium, what is tagged as a 'reality' TV show, like writing, that can be good or bad done in a documentary style with the depending on how you use it. Which is, participants blatantly playing up to the to a cercamera. In the tain last episode, the extent final two go true into the boardexcept room to find out that, who's going to more get the job. than ever, Everyone diswriting cusses it. The and cirtension is buildculation ing. The final of writtwo leave the ing is room again. available They wait. to all, We've been whereas waiting all broadseries for this casting is moment. They in the are called back hands of in. Music builds a select tension. Donald few.

Trump looks at Writing them. Tries to is writdecide. And ing, telethen - this is the vision is brilliant bit - he a rapid says (something succesion like) "I can't of sounds decide." Then, and images Donald Trump from ‘The Apprentice’.Whoever looking straight

at the camera, "CAN YOU?" and then the huge solid-looking wall behind him SLIDES BACK to reveal a big cheering studio audience, the camera swings

“Despite my many ojections to the ‘genre’, I keep getting hooked...” around 180_ and we're suddenly looking from the audience at the boardroom table we thought was in some skyscraper or other, now on stage in a television studio.

Everyone's cheering and advising Trump.

He decides on the apprentice, and then the band who had a hit with the theme tune come on and sing it live.

I am watching an 'intensive job interview". Reality TV, yes? Except we all know it's stirred up for the camera, never mind that bit. I, as average punter, am empathising with interviewees - also, supposedly, average punters. My opinion of them changes; I'm on one person's side and then the other. Except in the boardroom, where I suddenly become Donald Trump. "You go Donald. Tell him. That's so true." So now I'm switching between them. Then in the finale, I am the studio audience. And I am at home, watching the audience watching the participants of a Reality TV show taking place on a stage.

I have some serious problems with most of the TV that I watch. I particularly resent the Nickleodeon/MTV blob that tries to suck you in and sell you a warped, commercial image of life from the age of two. I watch and enjoy the shows that do this. I also think that it is important to watch it and work out what is happening. It is possible to select the 'good' programmes from the rubbish.

made that wig should be fired

Everything you could ever possibly need to know about life can be learnt from television Hannah Scally - Learn from the soaps: Never trust anybody. If your friend keeps looking slyly to the left when you ask him a question, he's probably stealing from you.

- Wearing all black still makes you look cool. That guy with the safety-pin coat who wanders around campus has realised this.

- Use witty one-liners. Particularly effective just before you kill somebody. Those who are naturally witty are at an advantage here, but there's no need to give up just because it comes to you on the bus home. To avoid that "wait, wait, I'll think of one in a second, everybody just stay

still" moment, compose a selection in advance to cover a variety of situations.

If you can get away with it, simply steal from an obscure show. Don't steal from Friends or Buffy. You will be exposed.

Don’t steal your one-liners from Buffy

- Keeping up an inner monologue makes you more interesting. Because J.D. is actually kind of a boring, mean guy.

- Things always go back to normal.

Remember when Chandler moved to Texas? When Sally left Kevin in Coronation Street? No matter how crazy things get, normal life will reassert itself, and one morning you will wake up to find the person you thought was dead having a shower, and realise it was all a dream.

- Whenever something remotely upsets you, talk about it. Talk about it for hours and hours, using the longest words possible, and you too could have your own Creek.

Use long words, like Dawson

TNT

Going Out

15

Top 5 things to do in Trinity this week

Get your ass in gear and take part in at least one of the many activitiesbeing run as part of Sports week all week long

Catch the most important of the Champions League semi-finals tonight in the Buttery as Barcelona try to keep their lead over Milan.

Gotten your ticket for the Trinity Ball yet? If you buy your ticket this week then you could win one of 5 weekend passes to the HiFi Festival!

Check out the bottom of your cans of Bavaria in the Pav on Friday night whoever finds the golden ticket on their can wins a ticket to the Ball.

Wish us luck! Trinity News are up for a record fifteen awards at the National Student Media Awards on Wednesday night in Spirit.

The Club Review: Buck Whaley’s Scoreboard

Claire Keaveny and Donal Carey You don’t always intend to go to Bucks but more often than not you find yourself there falling down the steps. You always know your in some state when the enlightenment to go to bucks comes into your head or you might just be following that elusive B€$$ girl’s conversation, that of course you eavesdropped earlier, and are hoping she’s be that bit more inebriated to look at you twice inside. For whatever your reasons, you know the night just got that bit better.

For the Hamilton students, who rarely make it past the Gingerman and Copper’s, Bucks (as we affectionately call it) is a wine bar on Leeson Street that opens to the amazing hour of 4 in the morning. And yes, there is a catch; they only sell piss wine at hugely inflated prices. Clare is great. Rumour of great late-night grub and free admittance always make it seem like the best idea ever. We don’t know when it opens, noone does.

The queue is random. There’s a small time span between 2.15 and 2.20 when the queue is non existent. Any later you’re into the flurries leaving the surrounding nightclubs and you could be waiting in the cold night air for as long as an hour. Some might ask; why would you bother? But the reason for going there is always unsure (unless your in the unstoppable quest for drink) so the question is never asked. Once at the big burly bouncers blocking the stairs, you’re unsure how to get past, rumour is flash a credit card and no matter what state your in, your in the door.

They’ve realise the goldmine in forcing people to put their coats into the cloakroom, or maybe they know that coat thieves are rampant in South County Dublin and are just looking out for you in your drunken state! The décor is cringingly eighties, but you never quite realise

Be careful when handing over your credit card in Buck’s... unless you go there to review a club or are unfortunate enough to be designated driver. You are immediately hit by the centre oval bar and a menu is some-how thrust upon you, although its quite clear your gonna get the cheapest thing going, and we don’t mean the other thing Leeson St is famous for (which rumour has it is cheaper than a bottle of Bucks wine).

On a Manic Monday, it’s a quiet respectable one room intimate wine bar with miniature dancefloor, even though your moves might be massive – examples of these ‘moves’ can be seen courtesy of Rob Quinn, with thanks to our SVP President’s Bebo: [http://storanbj. bebo.com] While a busy weekend brings the masses and it’s suddenly a two roomed establishment with two extra bars, and another miniature dancefloor, this one more suitable for knee-slides and other such shenanigans.

Drinking in Dublin is expensive but drinking is Bucks is extortionate.

People have been known to max their cards at those lethal bars. Wine starts at a measly €33 and no matter how drunk

you are you will notice how nasty it is.

One thing that is savage about this place is their food. It’s not your typical late night eatery, but it serves amazing chips to club sandwiches. Cost is unknown, quality is unbelievable.

The crowd is great, the regular followers are strictly D4 with many a rich yuppie willing to buy any fake tanned girl a nice beautiful Baileys milkshake. Some randomer’s always find their way but are as stoically drunk as the rest so they blend in quite discreetly.

Also people rarely being able to see three feet in front of them, means the crowd isn’t all that important.

Music is standard – hit the dancefloor and dance to radio pop. There are two sets of toilets. Bizarre ones underneath the entry stairs have ridiculously low ceilings and don’t have a lot of room for gossiping/bitching at the mirror. There are more toilets, equally as hidden, behind the smoking area. These are bigger with a lot more room for maneuverability, as some have found out to their pleasure, wink wink. Now for some scores everyone can enjoy…

Entry: 4/5 Free in but usually a long queue, cos who thinks that far ahead on a night out Bouncers: 3/5 Nice, friendly but mean cos they don’t let you in sometimes, but they do have to deal with the drunkest people in town.

Bar Service: 2/5 Never much of a queue, food is slow though Crowd: 4/5 Drunkest, latest partying people in Dublin Scoring ability: 2/5 Unless spadework has been done previously, chances are slim. It’s more for the banter.

Music: 3/5 Nothing spectacular, gets the job done Toilets: 2/5 Not the best in town Bar prices: 1/5 Bad wine should never be this expensive, especially when you can buy it for €2 in Spain.

RANDOM SCORES Smoking area: 4/5 Surprisingly big for the size of the place Lateness of opening: 5/5 Where else worthwhile going to opens that late?

OVERALL SCORE = 30/50 If your drunk enough and have deep enough pockets it’s always going to be a good call going to Bucks.

16

Bits and Pieces

TNT

What’s burning up the TNT Office this issue...

Erasure - A Little Respect So good that Wheatus (remember them?) covered it, as did the cast of l! ecia p s Scrubs in one episode. Cheese-tastic. ic mus p a Cr A-ha - Take on Me Neurobiologists have recently discovered that it is physically impossible to listen to Take on Me without singing along and kidding yourself that you can reach the high notes.

Toto - Africa From that brief spell in the 80s when it was cool to sing about exotic destinations (well there was UltraVox Vienna anyway) this is a classic example of one man and his desire for a whole continent.

Bruce Springsteen - Dancing in the Dark Bruce has a crap job, his girlfriend isn’t very supportive and he ain’t gonna take it no more. Or something.

Separated at Birth

It’s time for...

Utterly Useless Facts of the Week!

1. The four statues on the Campanile represent the original four faculties- Law, Medicine, Divinity and Classics 2. You mostly breathe from only one nostril at a time

Sprightly 70-something Trinity legend Matt the Jap

134-year old lothario and general legend Hans Moleman

One is a wrinkled, stooped, foreign elderly gentleman who communicates through a series of unintelligible mutters and remains a somewhat enigmatic figure... and the other is...

Matt the Jap! (Touché! Hohoho). With their distinctive skincolour that fetching shade of yellow, both gentlemen have attained cult status in their respective areas, Hans as a respected denzien of Springfield and Matt as a much-loved part of the Trinity ‘Experience’. Gentlemen, we salute you both.

Psst...

Ladies, brace yourselves -we have some news that may both shock and awe you. If the rumour mill is to be believed (and we stress if) then the knicker-wettingly fabulous Take That may be popping in to the Trinity Ball to play a set when they finish their gig in the Point that night. Deep breaths everyone.

Now we must stress that this is still a rumour and not to be taken as definite. However our sources are rather Take That: Phwoar! good on this; and so if it turns out to be true, remember where you heard it first...

3. Someone on Earth reports seeing a UFO every three minutes 4. Microsoft made $16,005 in revenue in its first year of operation 5. The first condoms were made on linen (Yowza!)

6. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise 7. Right-handed people live on average nine years longer than left handed people (Ed: Damnit!)

8. Walt Disney was afraid of mice 9. Caligula made his horse a senator 10. ‘Jaws’ is the most common name for a goldfish 11. Neil Armstrong stepped onto the moon left foot first

Hot hot heat Lovely burgers in the Buttery Mmm, tasty Arsenal being knocked out of the Champions League Ok this hasn’t actually happened yet but we’re hopeful Creme egg bars Easter doesn’t have to end with this, possibly the greatest chocolate-based invention ever in the history of the world Society AGMs Keep your eye for these- loads of free alcohol and occasionally even finger food

Ricky Gervais on The Simpsons

Yawn. Would have been funnier if he’d just played himself.

Bebo Meh. There’s only so much you can do before it gets boring. Glad ISS aren’t banning it though...

Exams Witness the inverse rule of weather and studying: as soon as it gets warm again we have to spend hours inside studying Final edition of Trinity News for the year Well folks, it’s been fun. We’ll miss you.

Ice ice baby