L ove

March 2020 ~

Falling for someone is one of the greatest risks you can take. You never know what you’re getting yourself into. There’s an excitement and fear of the unknown. It inspires and terrifies us. Yet, in early 2020, there is something else lurking that’s stirring feelings equally precarious. Other actions of pleasure and peril in modern times include public spaces, meeting your friends or touching your face without washing your hands.

How do you protect yourself from intimate infatuation and a global pandemic? The Corona Virus has driven the world into shut down, and here I am allowing my heart to be open and vulnerable, unaware of the consequences that may come with it. When you start to really like someone, it flips your stomach, causes uncontrollable smiling and takes your breath away. Warning- the emotional rush and furry is not to be confused with a brutal shortness of breath associated with the disease CoVid19 that’s caused by the virus.

Luckily, I met him at the end of January. Back then the reports on the news seemed fictitious. Entire cities overcome with an apocalyptic emptiness and diggers building hospitals on red clay that looked like Mars. As China grappled with the growing crisis, our ignorance allowed us to continue our lives as if nothing would ever change. How wrong we were.

By Lauren

Oblivious, I allowed myself to explore the whirlpool of emotions that he made me feel. Early days, you need to test the water to make sure you can swim. We took our time getting to know each other. It felt so natural. I just wanted to see him again and again. It wasn’t just a shallow desire. He’s smart, deep and thoughtful. I could speak to him for hours and I just wanted to know more and more. Of course, a part of me was aching to know if he was as intrigued as I was.

Soaring parallelly were the heart palpitations and global pandemonium. I flew back to Ireland for a week at the beginning of March. While the daunting yellow and black posters dominated the airport upon my arrival, I paid little attention to them. I was more concerned about what the week away would mean in terms of my personal life.

Would he grow bored? Would he still be thinking of me just as I was of him?

That slight worry that hung over me all week disappeared when I arrived back to Berlin and he asked me to meet up the following evening. I was thrilled. While that put me at ease in my own head for the following week, uncertainty grew as the reality of the virus began to breathe down our necks. It was announced that Germany would go into a shutdown, meaning that only essential business would remain open. Everything else would be closed. He lives here with two friends that he knows from home. The threat of travel restrictions and bans swirled through the air and his two flatmates decided to go ahead with a trip they had planned to Vietnam. While it’s not the decision I would have chosen, a part of me was selfishly delighted. It might mean that he would want to see me more to break the boredom of quarantine. We hung out that weekend, as we began to brace ourselves for what was about to unfold before our eyes. We went to a bar, after it was announced they were closing. We thought let’s squeeze one more in before, what harm could it do? We sat in a candle lit room behind the bar, surrounded by tables. At 10 p.m. the bar man addressed us all, informing us that police were now patrolling the neighbourhood, forcing closures. We both looked at each other. We had finally come face to face with the gravity of the situation.

Since then, we have been respecting the situation more. We speak almost every day, but the casual meetups have been sliced back to an absolute minimum. We are lucky, we are young, we’re probably not in the high-risk category. But still, it is no guarantee that we are except from deteriorating the situation. Prior to the pandemic, STDs were the most daunting thing you could get from someone you’re dating. Now it’s something almost more taboo. The virus. We’ve been meeting for walks in the park and sitting enjoying the turn of season, the Berlin summer. To feel the heat of the sun in the presence of someone so special makes you forget of the atrocities consuming us. Maybe it is incredibly naïve and foolish, maybe just plain ignorant. But those brief meetings and carefree afternoons get me through each week. We are only humans, after all, all we want is affection and hope. A part of me in jealous of those couples who live together. It must be nice to wake up every day and spend time with someone spend time with someone who makes you feel the way sherbet sweets do when they hit your tongue, but all over your body. Then a friend told me ‘there’s only so much sex you can have when you’re living with a partner’ and the fantasy was ruined for me. Thanks. Another part of me is excited to see if anyone has luck in future endeavours with those who they matched with on dating apps during quarantine. There are probably no real expectations but, I mean, why not, weirder things have happened. the early stages of seeing someone. about you, whether you should send the

There’s always an uncertainty in You don’t know how they feel first message or if you’re coming on too strong or not. Of course, this crossed my mind a few times. I am only human. But then I thought to myself; the feelings must be reciprocated if he is going to risk the threat of the virus just to spend some time with me. It was romantic, in an unthinkable kind of way. The situation caused by the virus is far from over. There’s no happy ending to the story. All we are doing now is respecting what we are told to do and hoping for the result we need. Yet, you must wonder about how strange and glorious it is, that a soul can find peace and stability in a time of such chaos. It could just be that I thrive on madness, but I think it’s something else. I think it’s the safety of having someone who inspires and encourages you no matter what’s going on around you.

Dreams come true, and thoughts materialize. Many times I imagined myself working from home happily, and here we go!

The self-isolation mode started almost exactly when I got my new job after five endless months of searching. So when I began working again, everything was new to me - the company, the industry, and the home environment instead of the office.

The last point seemed to be the easiest to get used to, and it was full of advantages. The most longed for was sleep. If your working day starts at 10 AM, instead of bucking along on the metro, you can stay in a warm bed till 9:50 and always be on time. Second, you are now weather-independent. What is the temperature outside? What do people wear? What should I wear? The new permanent answer is pyjamas. Because you don’t go anywhere and your colleagues can’t see and judge you. They probably work in pants too, which is absolutely fine as long as we all feel comfortable and keep our cosy looks private.

The technology made it all possible. You can recreate any office interaction through software. You can hear and see your colleagues whenever you want for free, share screens, and edit documents together. The only thing you can’t do now because of the quarantine is touch them, but that’s not what we should do to our teammates. So I don’t see any problem or any difference between our collaboration capabilities now and then. If my job can be done on an average consumer market computer, I don’t understand why my location matters anymore with the highspeed unlimited internet available.

Speaking of location, by the trial and error method, I discovered that not every corner of my apartment is equally right for my productivity and peace of mind. My first weeks of home office coincided with the stressfulness of hastily educating myself about the new industry. I worked in the living room at that time. The conditions seemed to be adequately planned - a well-lit room, enough space on the table, a comfortable chair. But even when the urgent tasks were done, and the external pressure eased, I still couldn’t focus sitting there and couldn’t understand why. Then one day, I went to the kitchen to take a break and make espresso in my infallible Italian Moka. I took my laptop and spontaneously decided to stay and work from there till the end of the day. Something in the kitchen environment, apart from the fridge, makes me feel easier and complete things faster. During one of those typically long internal group calls where you mostly just have to listen to your leader’s vision and wisdom, I managed to cook lunch, eat it, and wash the dishes unnoticed, only by switching off the mic.

That made me realize how technology empowers us to define the scope of our involvement. It frees time to do things our way and achieve the same and higher results than at the office. Even though the digital tools come with the cost of privacy, I don’t see how we can do without them, especially now in quarantine. As the situation gets better and the restrictions get lifted, most likely, my company will return to the office soon. But will we return the same? Will we switch back as if nothing happened? I’m asking myself what I would prefer now, home or the office, and I’m afraid the first one sounds best to me. Having just found the inner balance after the 180-degree turn of the working conditions, I honestly don’t want to go back to the office anymore. Literally or not, Coronavirus has changed my DNA. The world will never be the same, they say. My inner world won’t. That’s for sure.

Raised as an obedient 9-to-5 office worker, I became curious about remote work around 5 years ago. Then it seemed like something hipster, uncommon but appealing. I never made an effort, or dared to try it, but 2020 gave me a free demo that I liked a lot and I now want to get the unlimited version. Happily, the choice of remote-first companies is broad and diverse nowadays - from software development to e-commerce, design, and marketing. Many of them were founded 8-10 years ago. Currently, each one has hundreds of international employees who can work from anywhere in the world. They can also enjoy a full range of benefits such as unlimited vacation, healthcare, a retirement plan, profit sharing, computer and software setup, and annual company retreats. In my opinion, the pandemics negative social and economic impact is milder, thanks to the fully-remote companies. They have been ahead of their time and managed to stay stable or even unaffected by the virus. The definition of a reliable business does not include an office anymore. That is a shift the world did not expect to happen so soon.

As the boundary between work and home disappeared, and jobs invaded the living spaces of unprepared people like me, we started working much more. I rarely finish at 7 as I should, and my global colleagues say the same. Quarantine tested us for discipline and showed employers that most of their workers do not need to gather in one room every day to deliver and reach goals. I suppose for some company owners and managers, Coronavirus has been a proof of trust to their teams and for others, rather a power crisis. At one Berlin company, the employees have to report all their actions and interactions daily. The management probably feels insecure without seeing their workforce around and having immediate access to it. That story made me think that not only have we got a great chance to test ourselves, but also see clearly who we work for and with.

But working hard is not the problem. I realized that I don’t want to spend my whole life making someone else’s dreams come true. We have all seen the wise quotes repeating, life is a journey. You need to enjoy the process and fill it with the meaning. But these phrases don’t strike you when you are totally comfortable, covered by the thick blanket of routine. Situations like Coronavirus are necessary for many of us. To take a leap forward, we sometimes need to be first thrown off our stride. That was precisely what happened to me during the quarantine.

It has pushed me to the edge psychologically and has woken me up. Most importantly, it made me finally start doing something for myself. A month ago, I decided to exercise at home, which I never wanted to do before because the gym seemed much more effective and fun. The surprising result that I got from this new habit is not only an improved shape but an overall discipline. I became more organized at work, more mentally stable to face stress, and, most importantly, determined to work on my personal project, my YouTube blog. Today I have 19 followers and a huge passion for doing what I love.

I was supposed to write a text about working from home for the first time, so I intended to do it when I first sat down with my laptop. But my remote work experience turned out to be much more profound than I had thought at the beginning of March when it all started. Therefore I couldn’t help but share my transformation story with you.

Sometimes the only way to wake up and start living consciously is by overcoming challenges, the good-old going out of your comfort zone, even without having to go out of your home. My main revelation from the Coronavirus time is that the best things and greatest personal achievements may come from the unrelated changes and the smallest steps you take.