Issue 60

20 Issue 60 - January 2015

TRAVISTY e u s s i r a e y d i m e Th

Th e T op 20 h t 0 6 s ’ y t s i v Tr a

n o i t i d e

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR: It is a truth universally acknowledged that every Travisty editor’s reign Editorship must come to and end. And this, dear readers, is my time.

At the risk of cliché – what an emotional roller coaster it has been. We told you the truth about the New Court renovations (a 1989-style government plot, as it turns out). We delivered rants on a weekly basis (no eye rolling, we print every week, approximately). And fulfilled our role as the prime student contact of a certain Nosy Bedder™.

The Sun might have Page 3, but Travisty has journalistic integrity – and in the end, that’s what the masses want.

Although incidentally our ‘Tabloid’ issue did prove one of our most popular ever.

Hell, maybe tabloid is the future – read our ‘Top Twenty’ people in college and decide for yourself (an accolade commensurate with an oscar? a cruel sign of social selectivity? A list of some of Talia’s friends?)

In the end, tabloid or not, ‘if we spirits have offended’ *references Shakespeare in a desperate attempt to heighten legitimacy of article*, ‘think but this and all is mended’:

The line between satire and sensationalism has not always been clearly drawn in student journalism, but here at this publication we like to straddle both sides.

Or, actually, maybe we don’t… it’s all a bit of a Travisty to be honest.

Talia xxx

TRAVISTY 60 JANUARY 2014 Review

Jamaica Blue P.4

Breaking News

Peter Lloyd-Williams P.4

It’s our

60

th

issue!

Travisty Tries

Wet January P.5

TCSU Year In Review

Wise words from Tom H-M. P.8

Gourmet A La Gyp

With Jessie and Rose P.10

The Top 20

No introduction needed P.11 Editor: Talia Zybutz Features Editor: James Taylor Creative Director: Thomas Hughes-Mclure

Contributors: Contributors: Caitlin de Jode, Peter Lloyd Williams, Rose Lander, Jessie Barnett-Cox, Robin Mackworth-Young, Hesham Masshour, Thomas Hughes-McClure, Jack Harding, Harriet Gordon.

WEEKLY RANT, ROBIN HACKWORTH-YOUNG ON

RETIRING FROM PUBLIC LIFE I KNOW. WHAT?! I AM JUST AS SHOCKED AS YOU, DEAREST READERS. TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY SHOCKED (WITH APOLOGIES TO CASCADE) AND, QUITE SIMPLY, DISTURBED. WHY WASN’T ROBIN MACKWORTH-YOUNG REINSTATED AS A KEY MEMBER OF TRINITY’S TOP 20? IT BLOWS MY MIND. CONSIDER MIND BOGGLED AND BLOWN.

But what can we do about this atrocity?

Sadly, there will be no storming of the Bastille and the guillotining of those responsible – apparently there isn’t enough in the TCSU budget for a scaffold and guillotine (the subject of my next rant). It’s also January so a repeat of the Great October Socialist Revolution of 1917 can’t occur either. Instead, I must turn to those most basic tools of rebellion; words. As I’m a frequent visitor to the Cambridge Disability Resource Centre for my dyslexia, this may seem an odd decision but, as the subject matter is so disgraceful and moves so many of you, I feel it is my duty to persevere.

social disappointment and disgust resting upon my shoulders. I am buoyed only by your kind words of encouragement and support, dear comrades, and I thank you. Sadly, though, the damage is done. I must complete my remaining one and a half years of Cambridge life as a disappointment. I realise that the governing body has spoken and there is nothing more for me to do.

Consider this, therefore, a resignation speech. It has been a true honour, dear compatriots, to serve you as a member of the Top 20. However, it is my time to bow out and leave for a new, youthful team of 20 should have their turn.

They may not do things the way I would have done them but, as a favour to me, dearest supporters, give them time. They ran a good campaign and I know they will serve you to the best of their ability. Thus, before I retire from public Trinity life and settle down in Blue Boar T to a life of vegetable growing and knitting, I leave you with this; ask not what the Top 20 can do for you, but what you can do for the Top 20.

First, a soupçon of context; this time last year, I was given the immense honour of being in the Top 20. It was given to me under the guise my membership to the King’s College Choir, but really we all know it was because of my devilishly good looks. However, this year the system, which took me in a year ago, has now unceremoniously spat me back out to rot in the streets like a plague-infested rat.

That is how I have been made to feel, dear followers.

I walk around Trinity with my head held low in shame, trembling with the weight of

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REVIEW

BREAKING

JAMAICA BLUE

NEWS PETER LLOYD-WILLIAMS BRINGS YOU UP TO DATE Et tu, Junior Steward?

Darkness has descended over Trinity. Fear sweeps the land. Our President is dead by his Treasurer's own hand.

It was a dastardly plot born of the cowardly and measly.

When our President was giving his closing speech in the final TSCU meeting of his tenure, his fellow TCSU committee members encircled him and stabbed him to death.

Onlookers report his heartbreaking final words as being: “Et tu, Junior Steward?”

Considering Jamaica Blue is located in the less-than-glamorous, fluorescently lit Grand Arcade, the atmosphere is surprisingly chic and cool.

The café offers table service, which is a nice touch, but it was pretty slow. I’ve also heard reliable reports that the take-away service is painfully lethargic, so don’t go if you’re in any sort of rush.

Few know why it happened or what will happen next.

We live in uncertain times, but rumours swirl about the role of the Treasurer. Some say he will stop at nothing to improve his CV for Goldman, and that murder was his only way to the presidency.

But Travisty must protest! There are ways to power other, though perhaps less convenient, than murder most foul. TCSU elections will be held soon, and every vote counts.

The flag over Great Gate will be flown at half-mast today to honour our departed president. A memorial service will held in due course.

Having said that, the menu is really quite impressive – a huge range of brunch-esque options, which looked absolutely delicious and are reasonably priced in comparison to similar offers in Cambridge. Their signature coffee is really impressive, much better than the standard fare from high street chains, and the chai latte I had was good if a little too creamy.

Master requests antics removed from Nosy Bedder

The cookies were a bit disappointing, too small and quite dry but maybe if you went earlier in the day they would be better.

Some say he was seen getting off with one of the serving staff in Cindies. Others say he got in a fight with the big, mean porter. More still say that he was deaned for pouring vodka out the window of the his lodge.

The real standout of my visit was the banana bread I had to take away – not only do they give you your food in a Tupperware box (#environment), but the bread was so light and fluffy that it basically melted in your mouth. Overall, a solid performance from this new Cambridge hot spot.

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Leaked documents shown to Travisty suggest that the Master of Trinity College may have requested his indiscretions be removed from Nosy Bedder.

Details remain scarce at this point, but rumours have already begun to circulate amongst the Trinity population about what could have been the cause of the Master's embarrassment.

The Master has not responded to Travisty's approach for comment. His predecessor was, however, known for indiscretions. It was once claimed that he avoided his ceremonial duties by repeatedly claiming the apocalypse was nigh. He now heads the Cambridge Centre for the Study of Existential Risk.

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INTERVIEW

1TQUESTIONS A QUICK CHAT WITH HESHAM MASHHOUR What is 1TQ? 1TQ is Trinity's society for LGBT+ people and allies. It's basically a friendly envoronment where people can have a drink, eat something, hang out or watch a film together.

Who is it open to?

It's open to EVERYONE! And we don't ask any questions about who you like or who you want to have sex with or what gender you identify as!

Best 1TQ night ever?

I think the best 1TQ night was our Christmas party last year.

SO MANY PEOPLE CAME and it was so much fun and then I started giving out condoms and lube to everyone before they went out clubbing.

Worst 1TQ night ever?

The worst 1TQ night I think was when I got really drunk on a swap. Like I had no food and kept on getting pennied and ended up having two bottles of wine that night. Woke up the next morning without a man in my bed and just a lot of vomit.

Can you explain the name?

The name is actually the s e c o n d p a r t o f Tr i n i t y ' s postcode but you might as well see it as standing for 1 Trinity Queers

Is 1TQ linked to get real?

1TQ and Get Real. are not linked. I just happen to be coPresident of 1TQ and Chief Editor of Get Real. which is the University's LGBT+ magazine (woo woo).

TRAVISTY TRIES

WET JANUARY SPONSORSHIP FORMS FOR CAITLIN DE JODE’S BRAVE ENDEAVOUR ARE AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST Just before starting Michaelmas term, I decided that this was the year for me to excel academically. Or so I thought. I threw myself into my work, eager to impress my new supervisors with my knowledge, ideas and breadth of reading. I did almost double the work per essay that I had done in first year, yet my supervision reports predicted me the same grade. So, I thought, I guess I’ll just have to excel at something else. I pondered my strengths over the Christmas break, often with a jaegerbomb, or glass of wine in hand. And then it hit me.

It was the 5th of January, and I had managed to consume an alcoholic beverage every single day since New Year’s Eve. Having an Irish extended family who were fond of the hard stuff, combined with a group of home friends who make the Wyverns look pretty tame, much of my socialising revolved around drinking.

The more socially responsible of you will probably see this as a fairly hefty problem on my part. In fact, anyone with a brain not riddled by wine and pickled in Sainsbury’s Basics Vodka would have thought that maybe taking some time off the partying would have been the best option for my health, and my bank account. LOL. Not me. I’ve had an alcoholic drink every single day of January, to the astonishment of pretty much everyone else I know. Although I’ve been pretty roundly criticised for this apparent loss of brain function, it’s actually been surprisingly useful, and pretty good fun. Sure the hangovers are a bitch, especially with a 10am netball match, or a 9am lecture to deal with the next day. And my skin is getting pretty spotty. But drinking in a pub, or at a party with your friends is a lot more enjoyable than sitting in your room, alone. I don’t stay in – I go out, a lot. I’ve said yes to everything. Yes to the Maypole on a Saturday evening. Yes to *every* night out anyone wants to go on.

Yes to random bops at other colleges (and yes, they’re shit too). I’m not doing this to jeopardise my health, or to make light of the thousands of pounds raised by those doing Dry January every year for fantastic causes, and I’m definitely not recommending you try this at home.

I myself will be majorly cutting back in February, even going on drinking ban. But I think there’s a valuable lesson to be learned from my admittedly extreme experience. Lots of people go home from Cambridge in the holidays, frustrated that they haven’t had as much ‘fun’ as people at other universities. I do not define ‘fun’ as getting drunk. But ‘fun’ is seeing your friends, laughing, dancing, chatting with them, rather than locking yourself in the library to get ahead on your next essay. It’s important to work hard here, but I think it’s also important to enjoy yourself. We are students, young people who have a reputation for playing hard too, and I’ve had a great term so far. So remember, even in Cambridge, where deadlines loom large, and fun can seem far away, there are plenty of opportunities to have a good time.

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DAME GEORGINA SUMMER Going

UP

Half Way Hall

Your rent If you didn’t change your exeat dates 5 working days in advance

A Women’s Officer and BME Officer TCSU have passed its changes to the constitution, institutionalising both these positions.

Weeks of term Nine week terms are on the cards as CUSU backs plans for a reading week

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Dear Gs, My boyfriend and I are thinking of splitting up because we just DON'T BOTH FIT IN THOSE TINY SINGLE BEDS. They were not designed for two people. And I need my sleep. Help?

Dear comfortless cuddler, You’ve been the victim of a scam unique to Cam. Hidden in some nook or cranny of the university, there exists a realm so shrouded in mystery that it is rarely spoken of. To its inhabitants, known only as ‘Senior Managers’, the student population constitute fuel to power league tables. Think the way the computers milk the humans in ‘The Matrix’, except with some connection to the Times Education Supplement. Many years ago, a decision was made in this most terrible of places. A decision whose consequences have proved innumerable and unmeasurable. These men and women, in whose hands we are merely conscious marionettes, decided that the most efficient university was a spoonless university. They proclaimed that relationships were the kryptonite of grades. Students would simply be too content to work. There’s nothing like the warm embrace of a loved one for stymying productivity. “It’s lonely at the top,” they reasoned, “They might as well find out young”. They couldn’t enforce their no-relationship policy directly (after all, student satisfaction continues to affect rankings), and so they came up with a cunning strategy. By painstakingly shrinking mattresses in the Cavendish lab, they would drive couples apart. They would make it impossible to spend the night together.

Cabin fever would strike at every turn. A flailing limb here, a duvet hog there. Bit by bit, any previous affection would be eroded by discomfort. Students would be rudely and literally awakened from their dreams of love. Work would provide the only antidote to heartbreak.

There is a cure, though it does involve prescription medication. Two words: sleeping pills. Ingest a sufficiently large amount and your nocturnal distress will be but a distant memory. It’s difficult to interrupt the sleep of someone who’s legally comatose. This is one time where you’re going to want to take the blue pill. Sweet dreams…

Dear Gs, My bedder keeps walking in on me with one night stands the morning after... advice to

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deal with both the stands and the bedder would be appreciated

Dear hindered hedonist, You’ve got those pesky niggles of bedderbased embarrassment. Their presence is understandable. Your bedder is a surrogate mother; there are some boundaries (Oedipal, etc) which you just don’t cross.

Your bedder is the least of your worries. For advice on this score, consult that most venerable of publications, the TCSU freshers’ guide. A select gem: ‘a present at Christmas goes a long way’. No, your real problem is getting rid of the human you’re competing for bed space with. I’ve listed a few top tips below.

1) Fire alarm - there’s no exit like a healthand-safety-necessitated exit. If they really won’t budge, you’ve got to use every tool at your fingertips, and that includes smoke detectors. A subtle act of arson can go a long way.

2) Irritable Bowel Syndrome - train your stomach to gurgle on demand. Intersperse pillow talk with intestinal murmurs and they’re bound to be out in no time.

3) Marriage - there’s nothing like a morningafter proposal to get the pulse racing and the bed emptying. I like to keep a fake ring in my bedside table, just in case. In the rare event they acquiesce, you’ve found “The One”

4) Speaker’s officer - if there’s one thing that will get them moving, it’s the Union. Tell them about your intentions to run for Speaker’s Officer and the multimedia platform you’ll be employing during your campaign; if you’re really desperate, ask them if they want to become an admin on your election event page. They’ll be out the door before you can say “CV points”.

5) Turf setlist - tell them how much you dropped the night before, and ask them how much they did. Be intensely specific here; if you have to round, do it to the nearest milligram. Start reeling off every song from the last Turf event you went to.

Tell them how much you wish you’d dropped at every possible juncture. If you know someone who knew the DJ, talk about that person. Tell your bed-sharer how much that person dropped, or probably dropped, the last time they were out. You’d be surprised what boredom will do to a person; you’ll have your freedom within minutes.

THE NOSY BEDDER

WELCOME BACK TRINITY AND HOPE YOU’RE NOT FEELING THOSE JANUARY BLUES, KEEP MISBEHAVING AND WE’LL HAVE A STORY OR TWO…

As your bedder, it is my duty to remind you of the consequences of leaving your rooms unlocked. One forgetful pair had a nasty shock when they returned to their room last week, apparently the porters have no shame in confiscating furniture. Although, when attempting to collect their property the head porter seemed a bit baffled as to where the sofa cushions were… Please see the White Book (sect. 15 a.i - 15 a.3) in order to familiarise yourselves with the rules and ensure the same doesn’t happen to you.

Again, a forgotten night for a second year medic who, unsatisfied with the delights of Cindies, wandered off and returned with some arm candy, although perhaps not the type he is used to.

This editorial team’s benign dictatorship at the helm of Travisty

Snow From the sky. Literally.

A trip to Adden Brookes in the early morning is usually not something you’d want to remember but in this case maybe they have gone a little far. You know it’s a big night when you only know you’ve been to the hospital because of the band on your wrist. Oh, and the stitches in your eyebrow. We hope he didn’t wake up feeling too blue (and black).

RAG blind date is the easy option for some of you to lock down that special one and there’s no shame in bribing to get that hot rower you’ve been staring at in lectures. Make sure to bring your own fish knife though, just in case you need an excuse to leave…

It seems that one of our eligible bachelors has been enjoying his refreshers week (or two) immensely.

After a quieter term in Michelmas he seems to have given up the game of cat and mouse, and instead enjoying challenging himself to a perfect week. Mothers, lock up your daughters and daughters lock up your mothers, even his own isn't safe. The bull is back and is turning those walks of shame into walks of fame. Ladies, start bribing to ensure you snag him for your blind date.

The TCSU elections Be there, or don’t express your hard fought for democratic right to partake in the electoral process

DOWN

With Valentine’s Day approaching fast, you’re advised to start looking for that special someone soon.

So long for now Trinity. But just remember, as the temperature drops and snow settles in, Nosy Bedder will still be watching…

Going Nosy bedder and marmite - you either love it or you hate it. Whatever your view, we (Travisty) love YOU and want our readers to be the happiest in the world. If you’d like to optout of nosy bedder (i.e. not be included in next issue’s column) just email your name to travistytrinity@gmail.com.

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THE TRINITY COLLEGE STUDENT’S UNION

A YEAR IN REVIEW THOMAS HUGHES-MCLURE LOOKS BACK (AND FORWARD) ON WHAT THE TCSU HAS, AND CAN, ACHIEVE: A FAREWELL ADDRESS The front cover of the November 2009 issue of Travisty read “Not Quite TCSUsless”. The author described the mountains of bureaucracy and resistance to change faced by the TCSU. Obviously, lighting on the walk to Burrell’s field was mentioned (stop trying to make lights happen, they’re never going to happen). In the five years since the article was written, little has changed in the way of bureaucracy, or in the way of lights. Whoever said “nothing is impossible” clearly never tried to get lights on the “STOP TRYING TO MAKE LIGHTS HAPPEN, walk to Burrell’s field.

THEY’RE NEVER GOING However, it would be unfair to dismiss the TO HAPPEN” TCSU on the grounds that dramatic changes do not happen overnight (or ever, but let’s forget about those lights for a moment). Cast your minds back to this time last year, when Jeremy was elected president. The JCR was essentially a waiting room at a run down dentists practice, there was no societies blackboard and nobody came to our bops. That any of this has changed is testament to the hard work of our committee.

Rose (Female Welfare Officer) organised chlamydia screenings at the WPR, which has never been done before in Trinity. Matt (Male Welfare) and Rose continued to deliver the contraceptive supplies students have come to expect, as well as hosting a number of events.

I’m particularly grateful to them both for thinking outside the box to try and attract a diverse group of students to our events. New freshers may not appreciate how challenged ents at Trinity have been. The college usually insist on ending parties around 11:30, the bar charge exorbitant rates and we have to rent flooring to protect the precious floors of the common rooms. Catriona innovated and took bops out of college. I’ve never seen as many people at a (non freshers) bop as at this year’s Christmas event.

While students went home/skiing/exotic holidaying Will (Access) led a group of Trinity students to our link area to talk to students about applying to Trinity. Feedback has been overwhelmingly positive. As well as all this, we’ve continued with the day to day running of college affairs. Kshitij (Computing & Publicity) not only got our bandwidth increased (goodbye throttling, hello netflix) but has also compiled our weekly newsletter without fail. Tom Hampson (Environment) has worked on the student switch off campaign, which we momentarily headed. Leo (Secretary) would be upset if I didn’t mention his invaluable “behind the scenes” work recording our minutes, singlehandedly keeping democracy and transparency alive. It is a well kept secret that I am nothing but a glistening façade for the TCSU, and our hard working Treasurer, Ryan, has been an invaluable aide in getting anything done. Last but not least, the change we all

I don’t want this ‘year in review’ article to be never ending list of our achievements. I do, however, occasionally feel the need to remind people of the kind of work we do. The JCR has finally received some much needed love. We got a new television and comfortable sofas and re-decorated.

We also had the societies blackboard installed in the servery. Fun fact: this proposal had to be approved by an estimated 73 committees before we could install it. We also campaigned for the living wage. The college eventually raised all directly employed staff to at least the living wage, though did not sign up to the initiative. Freshers week was a huge task for the TCSU, which we worked on all summer. Tim (our Overseas Officer) & his team put on the biggest overseas freshers’ week we’ve seen. Catriona (ents) and Ryan (treasurer) worked incredibly hard to make Freshers’ week

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happen. Pretending to learn 211 names, as well as entertaining 211 people day and night was exhausting, but I hope the freshers had some actual fun while they pretended to have friends.

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noticed: food. Cornelius (Junior Steward) stayed behind all summer and completely re-wrote the menus from scratch based on his (very) extensive survey.

On a day to day basis we also represent students on innumerable committees (health and safety committee anyone?), as well as talking to college about issues as they come up. We also haven’t forgotten about the bar.

We’ve established a working group with the BA society so we can work on the issue without interruption.

I’m thrilled that we managed to alter our constitution. I am very aware that the TCSU tends to be dominated by one friendship group. We have a committee of twelve, but nearly 700 members. There’s a bit of “THE TCSU problem in that people who are not TENDS TO BE being reached by the TCSU end up being disinterested in our activities, and DOMINATED BY therefore don’t run to be on the ONE FRIENDSHIP GROUP” committee or attend open meetings.

There’s a lot of work for the TCSU to do. Trinity is great, but it isn’t perfect. I believe a big problem with the TCSU is that we do not communicate our work well enough.

Students might think “oh rent went up by X% this year, the college must have set it”. In fact, we’re involved in many aspects of life people may not realise. The college must negotiate increases such as rent “WE HAVE ABOUT or the Kitchen Fixed Charge with us AS MUCH annually. Currently, we have about as NEGOTIATION much negotiation power as the college POWER AS THE cat. I exaggerate slightly, but we have COLLEGE CAT” little to bargain with on such issues. We can threaten not to sit our exams, but I would have a hard time convincing finalists to sacrifice their degrees for the TCSU’s latest campaign. There are only 24 hours in a day, so it is understandable that our members only have so much time for us.

However, as well as having to deal with college, we also sometimes struggle to engage with our members. Despite my pleas of “get in touch” or “please come to my open meeting, I will literally give you free pizza” it can be hard for us to know how we can help students. It is all very well for us to ask a senior member of staff to attend an open meeting and make a demand, but if they are faced with an empty room we will have a hard time convincing them that this is what students care about. If I were the new president I would make one pledge: I will work as hard as I can to move issues forward and keep students updated on our progress, but our members must take an interest.

Despite our imperfections, the committees are always keen to help, if students will give them the time.

Finally, I’d like to thank the entire committee, I’ve been so impressed by their hard work and they’ve been a pleasure to work with. I hope the committee have as much fun and success as we have enjoyed.

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THING’S I’VE

LEARNED FUN FACTS FROM DEEP INSIDE THE TCSU There is such a thing as “high table committee”

They discuss crucial issues such as putting pads on chairs so they squeak less. They meet fortnightly. “Refer this to high table committee” is occasionally mentioned at liaison committee meetings.

There is no such thing as a bar crawl

I discovered this when reviewing the freshers’ week timetable. What you might think is a “bar crawl” is in fact “the movement of small, carefully managed, fully supervised, alcohol-level monitored freshers between one institution where alcoholic beverages are available to another”.

The term “tour of the town” can be used if there is a word constraint.

There is no freshers’ week without the TCSU

Unless you consider tutor meetings, a fire safety talk and a photo as “freshers’ week”

There is a health and safety committee

I get sent a copy of all accidents that happen in college for no apparent reason.

Most unfortunate mishap: the person whose polystyrene cup leaked tea onto their hand. The result: scalding.

The pin sentry is the devil

Anyone who banks with Barclays will know that these entirely useless plastic card readers serve no purpose, and take up a ridiculous amount of my time every time the TCSU needs to pay for anything.

The college did spend 10 million pounds on the kitchens

But they are VERY fancy, and produce amazing food (… for high table).

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GOURMET

A LA GYP YOU SEE A MICROWAVE, NO HOB AND A TINY, TINY FRIDGE. WE SEE A WORLD OF POTENTIAL. STARTER – CRUDITÉS, WITH SELECTION OF ITALIAN DRY CURED MEATS AND HUMMUS Ingredients: 1 x red pepper, 2 pitta breads, red pepper hummus, parma ham (or whatever is cheapest in Sainsburys)

•Toast pitta bread for approx. 2 mins, then cut into strips

•Cut pepper into strips (NB: for all novice chefs out there, the seeds are NOT edible)

•Place selection of hams, and strips of pepper and pitta artistically on plate.

Rustic.

•Serve romantically to your date of choice.

MAIN – BOLOGNESE RAVIOLI WITH GREEN SALAD Ingredients: Self-explanatory

•Boil kettle of water.

•Pop cold pasta into a bowl, and cover with boiling water. Cover bowl with plate.

•Leave pasta to cook for 3 minutes (trust us, it works)

•Strain pasta, using cute colander (if you lack a cute colander, a normal one will suffice/ or a plate if you’re that basic)

•Serve alongside salad of your choice. NB: Be creative with your salad, unless like us you choose to dress your salad in chili oil not fit for human consumption…

•Accompany pasta with copious amounts of vino, or straight vodka if it’s been a tough day… and also if it’s been a great day.

DESERT – ‘SEX IN A WINE GLASS’ - SELECTION OF FROZEN FOREST FRUITS, DRIZZLED SEDUCTIVELY IN MELTED WHITE CHOCOLATE Ingredients: Sainsbury’s mixed frozen berries + white chocolate

WARNING: If your gyp has insufficient socket supply, you will need to be creative with your extension leads, unless you want to hold a (very heavy) microwave for 3 minutes.

•Pour frozen berries into mug, microwave for 1 minute, remove and caress.

•Break chocolate up into small chunks, exercise self-control and don’t eat it before melting.

•For a lump of over-cooked, re-solidified chocolate: cook for 3 ½ minutes. For velvety smooth melted chocolate: microwave for 2 ½ - 3 mins.

•Place berries into wine glass, and drizzle chocolate on top, for maximum pretentious effect.

Bon appétit!

Price: £10 overall for 3 course meal for 2, plus wine. i.e. the cheapest and easiest fine dining you will ever enjoy.

The

To p

20

(in no particular order) Mark Milligan

Xavier Bisits

The next Hugh Laurie is in our midst ladies and gents, get to know him before he forgets all us little people. Only in his second year, Mark has taken the ADC by storm – catch him starring (yes, starring) in Cambridge Arts Theatre’s Henry V next week (4 Feb-7 Feb). No, not the ADC – a real-life legitimate venue. Watch out Redmayne, your place in the Trinity hall of fame may soon be eclipsed.

What would Cambridge be without Xavier? Well, it wouldn’t have a Pro-Life society for one thing. Cofounder of Cambridge Students Students for Life, he’s no favourite of the Women’s Campaign. A completely apolitical body, Travisty is refraining to comment, but when you bring CUSU protests to Trinity’s front doorstep, you make the Top 20.

Declan Amphlett

Amy Hawkins

Some great costume at the freshers week events and an already solid standing at the ADC makes Declan Amphlett one to watch. And if you didn’t catch him touring Europe with a 5 star production of Macbeth, maybe you saw him throwing up at the freshers’ formal…

Media mogul. The next Rupert Murdoch. In league with the University to control our minds and thoughts through the power of the press. If you’ve heard these terms batted around recently… they’re probably not referring to Amy. But as Editor-in-Chief of Varsity this year, she certainly deserves a place amongst the top Trinitarians.

Cornelius Roemer

Clare Rees Zimmerman

Great Court Run Winner. Good Hall Food Maker. Trinity owes Cornelius a lot. So whenever your tucking into some delicious spaghetti bolognese, or enjoying a polenta free lunch time, spare him a thought…

Famous before she even got here, Clare was in the top 20 predestined. But who wouldn’t be for getting NINE BLOODY A LEVELS. And 8 A*s. If it’s a good enough story for The Guardian, it’s good enough for Travisty.

Harriet Gordon

Hesham Mashhour

Even if Taylor doesn’t come to Trinity, we love you Harriet for trying. This year’s May Ball Ents officer, Harriet is the founder of the national sensation that was the #TaylorAtTrinity campaign. It might have been the travel section, but the Daily Mail is the Daily Mail. If you still haven’t seen it (where have you been?!), youtube Taylor At Trinity now for 3 minutes and 46 seconds of pure joy.

Cambridge’s most, er, controversial journalist, when there’s an issue to be commented on, Hesham is there with a comment. He also produces plays, speaks on Cam FM, edits the CUSU LGBT+ magazine, is TCSU LGBT+ officer and runs Trinity’s very own 1TQ. Oh, and he’s a medic. We’re confused too.

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Thomas Hughes-Mclure Christof Epaminondas The TCSU President himself, he may have got the post because our old president defected to MIT, but we democratically elected him all the same (eventually). If the name doesn’t speak for itself, Tom has plenty of words to make up for that in his TCSU review (pages 8-9).

The Union President of Easter term, Christof is living the high life – and all this as a technical fresher, having switched from History to Economics this year. He can be heard in conversation saying Easter will play host to the ‘best termcard the Union has ever seen’. We’ll hold you to that, Christof.

Marcus Hendricks

Harri Beasley

Did you know Trinity has a drinking society? We didn’t.

But if it did, it would probably be called the Cobblers, and someone like Marcus would probably have something to do with it. Jelly, ice cream, the dean – never a great combination.

We all know him, and we all love him. Some Trinitarians cite seeing Harry at breakfast as the only reason they up in the mornings. Harry can also frequently be found at open mic nights and playing for the Trinity rugby team.

Isabel Adomakoh-Young She wrote the much loved children’s classic Lionboy as a toddler, now being performed on Broadway New York. But Isabel in no way peaked as a child. Catch her these days writing in the student press, starring in student drama productions and directing the Brainchild Festival – like a music festival but ‘dedicated to sharing ideas and developing creativity’. Oh, and last year she performed at Glastonbury.

Lucy Wark Trinity couldn’t be happier that our favourite Australian has stuck around for an extra year. Founder of The Cambridge Globalist, frequenter on Cam FM and always there with a smile, Lucy is the person you want to bump into when walking across Great Court.

Caitlin de Jode On every, literally every, night out, Caitlin will be there.

She’s also the Netball team captain, plays uni volleyball, writes for Travisty, and does loads of access work. In the Top 20 for her sheer keenness about getting involved in college life – more like her, please, Trinity.

Dan Sakfa Trin RAG rep and unofficial Jeremy Paxman of the TCSU hustings process, Dan is always there with a blind date form and a tough question about a TCSU candidate’s history in college.

Saskia Barnard Drinking societies and stuff. A pun about minxes. You get the picture – frequently found in amidst the pages of Nosy Bedder.

Mary Harvey Trinity’s women’s football team haven’t lost a match yet – and this is with our star blues player on a year abroad (although she does come back to visit). As TCWAFC Captain, we owe a lot of this to Mary. Cheers Maz!

Harriet Cartledge Previously in charge of Trinity’s very own stand-up comedy society, Magpie and Stump, Harriet has now outgrown the bird and flown the nest. As one half of this year’s May Ball presidential team, Harriet’s a bit of a power house. She even used to write a column for Travisty – check it out.

Rose Lander Female Welfare Officer for the past year and probably the nicest person in Trinity, what isn’t Top Twenty about Rose Lander? Catch her putting chocolates in pigeon holes while carrying a giant teddy bear – but not for long, as the TCSU year ends we’re one step closer to the rose of college leaving us for her year abroad.

Trinity will be a less smiley place for it.