Issue 59

Issue 59 - December 2014

TRAVISTY

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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR: Christmas formals, Christmas music and Christmas cheer: the Holy Trinity of the last week of term. Except it’s not Christmas, not even close. It’s BRIDGEMAS – which despite what you may been led to believe, is an entirely different phenomenon.

Bridgemas is so, so much more than just an early bout of festive spirit before we break up for the holidays and are separated from each other and our beloved Trin for five long weeks. Bridgemas is the culmination of a hard-fought term of supervisions and sorrow. It’s a time where students from far (Girton) and wide (Homerton), put down their work, ask for an extension and come together do what people at other universities are rumoured do for the entire year: have some fun.

So while this issue may contain cynics – from a critique of the John Lewis ad to a pseudo-Marxist indictment of the holiday itself – rest assured that they, like you, will be partaking in the winter wonderland that is Cambridge at Christmas (with high street Christmas lights directly adjacent to many of our windows, they might not even have a choice.)

There is little left to say. Throw away your books, put off your work and pick up a mug of mulled wine – the Travisty Bridgemas edition is here.

Talia

TRAVISTY 59 DECEMBER 2014 The John Lewis Ad

Fomo or Frugality

This week’s big debate P.4

How to tackle the eternal question P.10

All I Want For Christmas

Varsity Trip Preview

Is less vacuous capitalism P.8

An interview with our rep P.10

Travisty Tries

Buyer’s Guide

Starbucks’ Christmas Drinks P.9

What to buy for Secret Santa P.11

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Contributors: Éno Agolli, Mary Harvey, Leo Sands, Elissa Foord (back page), Jack Harding, Caitlin de Jode, Rose Lander, Harriet Gordon, Pagemention 3 Hannah Roberts, Christopher Jenkins - with special to Bernard George and illustrations by Pandora Layton

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Editor: Talia Zybutz Features Editor: James Taylor Creative Director: Thomas Hughes-Mclure

CAITLIN DE JODE RE-INTERPRETS THIS CHRISTMAS CLASSIC

BRIDGEMASS

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE

'Twas the night before Bridgemas, when all throughout Trin

It was quiet, except freshers vomming into a bin.

The porters were busy counting missing room keys

While the students sneaked past on their way over to pres.

Mathmos were nestled all snug in their beds,

while equations and formulae danced in their heads.

Rugby blues on drinking ban, prepping for Twickers

Instead of pulling in Life were washing their knickers.

When out on Sidney Street there arose such a clatter,

I fell out of bed to see what was the matter.

I opened the window, knocking over a cup,

And yelled, “Oi mate can you please shut the fuck up?”

Who should I see, making this godawful noise,

But Santa himself, with a sleigh full of toys.

“You’re early!” I shout, “You’ve got to remember

I know that it’s cold but it’s still only November.”

“For God’s sake!” he groaned, “You posh Cambridge twats,

You confused me with all the carols and hats.”

“Why do you need your own Christmas just to yourselves,

It’s a complete fucking nightmare for me and the elves.”

“Bridgemas is great!” I said in reply,

“You’re not even real and reindeer can’t fly!”

The best bits of Christmas are parties, presents and drink

And I can have that all here, with my friends, don’t you think?”

Then shit got weird, like some kind of spoof,

Heard something that sounded like hooves on my roof.

Assumed I was tripping (was a big night in Fez),

Till Santa comes right down my chimney and says:

“You don’t have a clue, and you’ll never know,

It’s too early for turkey, too early for snow.

Christmas is great, but calm the fuck down,

One Christmas is enough for both town and gown.”

And with that he left, up the chimney he went

Not a word of goodbye, our Santa’s no gent.

The next morning I woke up, it was Bridgemas Day

No presents for me, but on my pillow there lay

A handwritten letter from the big man himself

No idea when it got there, he’s the epitome of stealth.

‘Merry Bridgemas to all, and to all a good night,

Cambridge – you’re legends, but you’re all full of shite.’

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Monty is the pet/teddy-bear/friend of a young boy, Sam, who notices that his penguin feels lonely and longs for a companion, despite their profound friendship. He decides to take action and, sure enough, Monty’s Christmas gift is one that nobody could ever refuse: love (Incarnated by an equally adorable and masterfully animated, Ms. Mabel.)

THIS HOUSE BELIEVES IN THE

JOHN LEWIS CHRISTMAS ADVERT

And if the simple yet enthralling story of Monty and Sam’s emotional roller coaster as they jointly journey into the world of companionship failed to make you misty-eyed, here are some facts about the trendy advert that will persuade and prove to you the magic of Christmas hidden behind this coming-of-age tale.

MARY HARVEY DOESN’T BELIEVE… This year’s John Lewis Christmas ad is disappointing at best. Put simply, I don’t believe in it: I don’t believe its penguin lies, I don’t believe in its vastly tenuous connection between a department store and being followed around be a creature of the artic, and I don’t believe it is even interesting enough to warrant any more full sentences. So here are 10 reasons why you shouldn’t be a believer either:

The subtle soundtrack that accompanies our tender acquaintance with Sam and Monty is a cover by Tom Odell, bringing into the spotlight John Lennon’s lesser known track ‘Real Love’.

Sung in his intimate, soft voice, with a sonic quality perfectly attuned to the melancholy atmosphere of the John Lewis Christmas, ‘Real Love’ will both introduce you to a talented new artist and leave you with an enchanting bittersweet aftertaste.

1. John Lewis’s abominably unsubtle message – IF YOU’RE ALONE THIS CHRISTMAS IT’S ALL OVER – is a slap in the face for all those single ladies and gents wishing they had a penguin to spoon on Christmas day

2. Real love, unfortunately, won’t just pop out of a box which has been precariously gift wrapped by an overly manicured woman at John Lewis

3. If John Lewis are suggesting you can purchase real love in their store, either capitalism has gone mad or there’s a retail section that I don’t know about

4. No one batted an eyelid to see a penguin in the middle of London

5. WHAT IF THE PENGUIN WAS GAY!

6. Every spoilt brat in the UK is now going to want a penguin best friend

7. Penguin sex trafficking is not a laughing matter

8. Who the fuck would actually want a penguin for Christmas

9. It’s so boring I can’t even think of a tenth reason

The mere number of parodies that this humble epic of human-and-animal friendship has inspired also speaks volumes about its powerful impact.

The first one, entitled ‘The Stupid Penguin Version’, is a loud (and hilarious) manifesto against penguin slavery and the cruelty they face in the hands of “spoiled, white rich kids”. Soon afterwards, ‘The Horror Film Version’ made a difference with its eerie (and equally hilarious) perspective of the otherwise heart-warming clip by portraying poor Sam as a schizophrenic, while my personal favourite, told from the perspective of Monty, offers a cynical and highly sassy parody of ‘Monty’s Christmas’ as Monty voices his thoughts on his and Sam’s adventures – thoughts that are somewhat removed from the PG romance one would expect from Britain’s favourite penguin.

However, don’t just take my word for it – if your bent is with numbers, take a look at these two pieces of data: within just four and a half hours of its release, the advert gathered an astounding 73,871 of shares, while according to a recent poll in Huffington Post, Monty comes second in a popular vote, with 23.81%, as the best John Lewis Christmas advert of all time, slightly behind >

ÉNO AGOLLI DEFENDS THIS CHRISTMAS MASTERPIECE Since their advent in 2007, John Lewis Christmas ads have become a celebrated institution. This year, ‘Monty’s Christmas’ stars an animated penguin who made the whole country a precious gift in the form of two-minutes of pure, un-bridled emotion.

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lake, ski, and finally meet one another have little to envy of real Adelie penguins. Kudos to John Lewis’s animation team.

> last year’s undeniable hit, ‘The Bear and the Hare’, ahead only by about 7%. And who could have failed to be tickled by the allusion to BBC’s legendary ‘Pingu’, which can be seen on Sam’s TV in one of the opening scenes? A show which made history with it stop-motion technique – which brings me to another feature of the clip, its deft use of CGI technology and the uncannily lifelike Monty and Mabel who, as they dive into the

For more reasons to love Monty follow his hashtag #montythepenguin on twitter, where his fandom has evolved into nothing less than a cult.

And why not? “Monty’s Christmas” is perfect all around and the reply button in Monty’s case deserves no mercy whatsoever.

TRINITY CHRISTMAS

CRACKERS CUT THEM OUT AND PUT THEM IN A CHRISTMAS CRAKCER Why didn’t Santa get the presents down the Trinity chimney?

What does Santa shout when he lands his sleigh by Trinity?

He got the grate caught.

Mind your backs.

What did Kim Philby, Guy Burgess and Anthony Blunt eat at Christmas?

What do you call a dolphin in the Wren Library?

Mince spies

Lost.

What do Santa and the Nosy Bedder have in common?

What sweets do Trinity dons like?

They’re all about the ho ho ho’s

Smarties

Why are the ducks on the Cam so noisy on December 25th?

How come people call Prince Charles the cream of Trinity?

They are Christmas quackers

Because he is rich and thick.

Did Santa get wet from falling in the Cam?

Does Trinity have any paintings of Scotland?

No, it was just the rain dear.

No but it does have some Prince of Wales.

Where did Henry VIII sleep when he visited Trinity?

Why do Trinity dons not have bells on their bicycles?

Wherever he liked.

They hope to win no-bell prizes.

How did the Trinity Snowman get around Cambridge

Did the Trinity students riot when the bar ran out of beer?

On his icicle.

No, they just had a little wine.

How did Lord Byron’s bear open his Christmas presents?

What side of Great Court is biggest?

The outside.

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With Santa claws

DAME GEORGINA SUMMER Dear GS,

Going

UP

Christmas Carols There is no shortage of carol concerts around Cambridge, and we’re making the most of it

Snow Balls It's not quite May Week, but it’s close

Bridgemas BOP Say goodbye to the WPR for Trinity’s first ever out of college BOP in hidden rooms – we praise you ents committee

Mulled Wine Finally it is again socially acceptable to make, bring and drink this golden elixir on all occasions

The Christmas formal tickets have sold out and I didn't get one! In an effort to impress the girl I like, I promised her one…

Dear panicked promiser, I get this problem every year. To put it simply, you've been Bethlehemed.

You've promised your Mary a cosy retreat from the cold, and now you've got to break the news that there's no room at the inn. Be thankful she's not pregnant. Trinity Christmas formal tickets are aspirational objects; you've dangled a pair in front of her eyes, and then snatched them away. Letting her down is not going to be easy. I can see one solution, though, which might leave you feeling like less of a turkey.

Learn a lesson from the Bible, and find your stable. I'm aware this sounds as cryptic as it does poignant.

Much hinges on your ability to recognise that 'stable' should not be read literally; a muddy three mile walk to the only barn in Granchester isn't going to impress anybody. What you want to give her is a shelter from the elements, a decadent oasis in the midst of the bitter Cam climate. Basically, turn your room into a Winter Wonderland. Maximise your flouting of fire regulations in the name of love, and slather hordes of candles on every available surface. Stick those vertically challenged Sainsbury's trees in the least flammable gaps. Last but not least, you're going to need to tinsel up, son. Your place should resemble a hall of mirrors when you're done using the shiny stuff. Stick a table in the middle and pile Christmassy treats on it until it groans. She'll either think you're a serial killer or the Jesus of romance. If she doesn't immediately leave upon entry, you're good to go. Ply her with enough charm and mince pies and your Nativity story could have a happy ending.

Dear GS,

I don't want to leave Cambridge at the end of Michaelmas. Home will be so boring. What to do?

Dear miserable migrant, Rejoice! By now most of Cambridge's population is indistinguishable from the

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walking dead, reanimated only by caffeine and Sunday Life.

If you still feel like moving, you're in a privileged minority. If you want home to be more like Cam, make it so. Use every last joule of your remaining energy and effect a mental transformation. What you have is an attitude problem. You can't physically alter the place you're from, but you can determine the filter you see it through. In short, when you return home, pretend you're still living in Cambridge, and you'll come to believe the matrix of your imagination. I've outlined a couple of tips to get you on your way: 1) Vocab - Your letter box is a 'pidge', your dining room a 'great hall'. Sprinkle words like 'rogue', 'niche' and 'nat-sci' into your conversations; your friends from home will love it.

2) Conversation topics - Speak about how much (or little) work you've done that day. Speak about how much (or little) time you've spent in the library.

Speak about how much (or little) you drank the previous night, and how much (or little) that affected your enjoyment of the evening. Speak about what feminism means to you.

3) Don't walk on any grass, ever - This one gets you out of walking the dog.

4) Walk everywhere - If somewhere you want to go is further than a ten minute walk away, complain, laugh about the fact you're complaining, and then don't go there.

5) Pose for the tourists - You have to act like your photo is constantly about to be on a Chinese blog.Be catwalk ready at all times.

6) Carry around as many books as you can - The more complicated the title the better, the bigger the better. Remember that the key is not actually reading them.

7) Introduce yourself to everyone by spouting a list of people you know they won't know, but pretend to them that you don't know they won't know them - Pick names of people that they might know of, but not know, such that your acquaintance with the bearers of those names will increase their estimation of you.

TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY AND JOLLY YOU HAVE BEEN. SANTA MAY NOT HAVE COME YET BUT I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU… If you ever find yourself alone on a Sunday night, try and look on the bright side of life. The dance floor tends to be littered with romantic souls looking for love in a VK bottle. One drunken young man took comfort in the arms of a more mature lass, who took it upon herself to make sure he returned safely to his accommodation. Clearly he gave her the boost she needed to come back to life, and arrangements seem to have been made so that either can return if ever they might be lagging on a night out… or at a formal. Let’s hope that Mummy doesn't disapprove.

Christmas is the time for miracles and presents, so why not add a few naughty or nice names to your list of demands. Santa may not operate in Cindies but on some nights all you need is a good wingman. Possible reunion at the Fitz Christmas Ball could be on the cards, though next time these two kindred souls meet maybe they should wear name tags.

That long train journey back from London was made more exciting for a few commuters last week as some were lucky enough to catch a cheeky glimpse of one of our more sassy Minxes. As Presidential duties go, this was certainly beneficial for the greater good, but always be wary that no cameras are pointed at you. You never know when that will come back to bite you in the arse… And as we’ve seen this week, it’s not just at May Balls when the Daily Mail is interested in Cambridge’s backs Thomas reading Politics at Trinity, whoever you are, we’re looking to you.

Stay merry though Trinity, Bridgemas is here a n d i t ’s t i m e t o g e t yourselves on the good list for Santa. But if you do end up on the naughty list… just remember that your Bedder is watching.

The Trinity Christmas Tree By four feet – no really, they’ve shortened it this year

Queues Waiting in line for an hour for a Trinity Christmas Formal ticket – what has become of the world?

Junior Steward The TCSU’s term in office is coming to a close and this prestigious role still hasn’t been filed #drama

Our Workload Finally

DOWN

THE NOSY BEDDER

Going Nosy bedder and marmite - you either love it or you hate it. Whatever your view, we (Travisty) love YOU and want our readers to be the happiest in the world. If you’d like to optout of nosy bedder (i.e. not be included in next issue’s column) just email your name to travistytrinity@gmail.com.

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ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS

LESS VACUOUS CAPITALISM LEO SANDS TAKES ON THIS WEEK’S WEEKLY RANT e x e c u t i v e b o a rd o f o u r chosen banking society, sacrificing our overdraft in return for the perpetually unattainable fulfilment that we wish to achieve from all things with price tags attached to them.

Its replacement, however, is something even worse. The sacralisation of the spending of money to the extent that we believe that buying things and getting things will actually somehow make us happier/better/prettier/more-popular/ solve-all-of-our-insecurities/etc. It clearly doesn’t work because we seem to go through the same ritual every year.

How ridiculous – I’m clearly exaggerating. But what else is a lonely atheist-Jew to do when he’s grown tired of spinning dreidels under a makeshift Channukah Bush?

Instead, the Christmas season (now also known as the months April-December inclusive) ranges from the sad fact of making people feel guilty because their shrinking wages (boo austerity!) can’t cope with the demand for spending cash on pointless gifts that nobody really wants, to its downright dangerous ability to brainwash kids into thinking that somehow they can’t be happy until they can unwrap either an Xbox 360 or a Barbie Dreamhouse under the Christmas tree, depending on what’s between their legs (wow did I also just mention how Christmas is part of the corporate machination which imposes all those malicious gender norms that we hate so much?).

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W r i t e

Bah Humbug. It’s Bridgemas and there’s one thing on my mind, and it’s not mince pies and mulled wine, but Marxism and the masses. Well, not really. Mince pies and mulled wine are definitely on my mind, but so too is the realisation that we’ve lost the plot on what Christmas is really a celebration of: one woman’s lie about having an affair that got waaay out of hand (I kid?).

In fact, Christmas may as well have been invented as a sick parody of all that is corrupted about post-millennial Western ‘society’. The rhythm of wanting things and buying things then feeling guilty and buying more things to alleviate said guilt – Boxing Day Sales are next – makes it sound as if we’ve fallen into the badlydisguised trap of some sort of neoliberalcorporate conspiracy.

You know, that nightmare that compels us to kneel at the altar of the pin pad to give metaphorical head to the CEO and entire Page 8

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FOR TRINITY COLLEGE’S

PREMIER STUDENT PUBLICATION.

E-MAIL TZ265@CAM.AC. UK

FOR MORE INFORMATION

STARBUCKS CHRISTMAS

FRUGALITY?

DRINKS REVIEW

HANNAH ROBERTS TACKLES THE ETERNAL QUESTION

HARRIET GORDON ON WHAT AND WHAT NOT TO ORDER AT STARBUCKS THIS BRIDGEMAS SEASON Honey and Almond Hot Chocolate

No stars

This was absolutely foul. There was way too much almond, it was like eating marzipan (which is gross. If you disagree you’re wrong). I literally could not have more than a few sips. AVOID AT ALL COSTS.

Gingerbread Latte

☆☆☆☆

This was a strange one. It hasn’t got a very strong ginger flavour, which was a bit disappointing, but it does taste like gingerbread cookies/Christmas. It’s probably the most Christmassy tasting one of them all, and dipping actual gingerbread in this made it heavenly.

Toffee Nut Latte

☆☆☆☆☆

This is the true champion. Sweet, a little frothy, but with bitter nutty undertones that meant I could finish a big mug without wanting to throw up (H and A hot chocolate, I’m looking at you).

Eggnog Latte

☆☆☆

This was not really very eggnog-y (a very technical term). It was good though, with a nice rich coffee flavour and it wasn’t too sweet. My only criticism was that the froth dissolved really fast, and so it fell a bit flat. It was very creamy though, so this is still a good choice.

FOMO OR

As the Christmas lights begin to twinkle outside the faraway windows of Angel Court, the perpetual plague that is ‘freshers flu’ is eventually smothered by the cosy blanket of Bridgemas. For many, Bridgemas represents a seemingly endless cycle of mediocre Christmas formals; for others, the opportunity to use up a term’s worth of Cindies and Life money in one week.

However, in amongst all this frivolity, there is an undeniable feeling of anxiety. Call me a Scrooge, but I feel this uneasiness must be articulated before we are swept away in the tide of Bridgemas merriment. It is the so-called “fear of missing out” – that paralysing terror of being somewhere else while others enjoy mince pies, Snowballs and carol concerts – of Bridgemas coming and going before you’ve even settled down to watch Love Actually. This illness, I fear, has become almost as rampant as the very freshers flu Bridgemas supposedly cures, with some last year practically passing out on discovering that there were no more Christmas formal tickets.

Perhaps this is my overdraft talking, but a niggling voice can’t help but point to the expense of it all – with all the balls, Secret Santas, and Skiing, I find myself trapped in a crippling dilemma: do I break the bank or bypass Bridgemas? Fortunately, I want to suggest that neither fate is necessary. Rather, with these tips, we can enjoy the well-earned festivities without the onset of financeinduced guilt:

1. Budget for Bridgemas: Plan ahead – if you know you’ll have to buy real Christmas presents, remember to f a c t o r t h i s i n n o w t o a v o i d f u t u re p a re n t a l disappointment.

2. Be thrifty: Buy cheap Christmas cards from Poundland or, if you’re an arts student and have time, make them. And be festive within reason – one or two Bridgemas dinners will taste better than five.

3. Most importantly, BE FREE OF FOMO: This dictatorship has ruled our lives for too long and we must break free (see this as a form of anarchy to counteract the inevitable feelings of being boring).

Remember, there is more to life than Bridgemas, and hopefully if we enjoy it without letting FOMO creep in we can all be dreaming of a bright, bill-free, Bridgemas.

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VARSITY TRIP

PREVIEW TRAVISTY TALK TO TRINITY SKI REP CHRISTOPHER JENKINS ON WHAT TO EXPECT THIS VARSITY SKI SEASON What can first-timers most look forward to on Varsity?

The excitement of spending a week with friends in a completely different environment, with the cosiness of fire and fondue in the evening, or the nights out in some dubious French discoteques, or even just the amazing hours and hours of skiing. People will have completely different experiences based on what they enjoy in life, but for everyone it’ll be a good one.

What's your best memory from Varsity last year?

CHRISTMAS SONGS

DECONSTRUCTED IF THERE’S ONE THING WE’VE LEARNT IN OUR DEGREES IT IS THAT EVERYTHING IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT, INCLUDING CHRISTMAS SONGS - BY CAITLIN DE JODE All I Want For Christmas Is You – Mariah Carey

I don’t want a lot for Christmas

Nah, just an autonomous, living, breathing person. No biggie.

There is just one (tiny, tiny) thing I need I don’t care about the presents Underneath the Christmas tree

Because people don’t usually fit

I just want you for my own

Bit objectifying…

More than you could ever know

Because what do you know? NOTHING

Teaching friends the basics of skiing and witnessing some of the most hilarious falls imaginable – impromptu front-flips, groin-tearing splits, and most-definitely-accidental backwards skiing. Don’t worry if you’re a beginner though, all is done in great spirit.

Make my wish come true All I want for Christmas is you, yeah.

What's the best event on Varsity this year?

And really, that’s not a lot.

The Tropical Chalet Opening night party – especially for anyone into their Bondax, Kygo, and more generally their tropical chilled house, it’ll be amazing. Otherwise VarCity apres-ski every day is a must.

Do you have any tips for surviving the coach journey?

Don’t forget to wear warm and snug clothes, get an aisle seat for that extra leg-space and don’t be the cool kid sitting at the back of the bus (unless you want to throw up…). And for the love of God do not down an entire bottle of port half an hour before the journey

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Yeah indeed Santa Baby – Eartha Kitt

Santa baby, I want a yacht

#goCUYC #LightBlues #Sailingteam

Uhhhhhh you might want to check yo privilege there gal…

Been an angel all year

Santa baby,

The sexualisation of Santa is a common theme which pervades the musical genre of Christmas. Everyone wants to get with Santa. Nobody wants to get with me #ForeverAlone

So hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa honey, there’s one thing I really do need, the deed To a platinum mine

Because the mine workers are being exploited and are working in frankly dangerous conditions, and I really feel that if I was in charge there would be a significant improvement in both output quality and the safety of the miners.

Santa honey So hurry down the chimney tonight

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TRAVISTY GUIDE:

FOR THE ONE YOU LOVE TO LOVE

SECRET SANTA PRESENTS

Mrs Claus crotchless fishnet bodystocking – it’s a gift for you, and for them.

Tr a v i s t y r e c o m m e n d s leaving the price tag on this one so they know how much care.

WHAT DO YOU GET THE GAL WHO HAS EVERYTHING? TRAVISTY HAS IT SORTED – WITH THIS EXCLUSIVE LIST OF THE BEST GIFTS AROUND CAMBRIDGE, ALL PRICES AND PEOPLE ARE COVERED.

£25

Ann Summers

FOR A FRIEND IN CONSTANT ESSAY CRISIS Thirst Aid Kit hipflask and shot glass – guaranteed to soothe even the worst of essay crises. Also doubles up as a great gift for medics.

FOR THE PERSON WHO IS ALWAYS LATE TO LECTURES

£4.99

A noble steed for that friend who just can’t seem to arrive on time

TK Maxx

£6

Tiger

FOR BAE Why BAE would need this pretty much speaks for itself. It’s a unicorn. In a tiara. THE UNICORN IS WEARING A TIARA.

FOR SOMEONE YOU WANT TO GET IN TROUBLE WITH THEIR BEDDER This candle may seem like a thoughtful gesture, but it’s really a trick – bring yourself some seasonal joy and watch them get in trouble for lighting it in their room (a violation of the White Book).

Tiara: £1

Unicorn: £4

Tiger

£9.99

FOR SOMEONE YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO BUY A LEGITIMATE PRESENT FOR

TK Maxx

FOR THE SINGLE PRINGLES AMONGST US (OR FOR A SNACK)

From kittens to pandas, this selection of microwavable cuddly toys won’t leave you wanting. And you can write in the card that they are “warm and fuzzy just like you” – a guaranteed win.

Willy lollipops – for a friend with a sweet tooth and a riotous sense of humour.

£2

£12.99 (But can you put a price on happiness??!?)

Ann Summers

TK Maxx

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r’s Lodge. I hear ‘Walking Make a carolling trip to the Maste ourite there. ‘In the bleak in a Winter Wonderland’ is a fav tain coolness. mid-Winter’ may be met with a cer

festive spirit with some Christmas formal. Get into the rt reserves. festive spirits from the College Po

Go to a carol service. God rest ye merry gentlemen. And gentlewomen. And gentle-otherwise identifying #diversity

tradition for you to bedeck Decorate. Freshers, it’s a College you have thus far been the fountain with fairy lights: negligent. Sort it out.

Much merry. Will also fend Mulled wine pres. So Christmas. rs of fun that are the endoff the onset of frostbite in the hou of-term Cindies queue.

Make your work Chris tmas- them ed. Integ rating trig functions? Use yule log-arithms. Essay on shifting normative cultural values? Christmas past and Christmas present.

sup erv iso rs. Gu ara nte ed * Sp rea d the che er to you r for anyone who does some appearance in Travisty’s Top 20 n. *May not be guaranteed festive shots in their last supervisio

t for the faint of heart if Ice-skating on Parker’s Piece. No following (1), (5), or (7).

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