Issue 56

Issue 56 - October 2014

TRAVISTY

Welcome (back) The fresher’s issue

Letter from the editor Here we go again. Another year, another term, another change to everything you thought you knew about College as we wave goodbye to the third years of Christmas past and world-travelling MMLers, and say hello to a whole new cohort of freshers.

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And freshers, this issue is dedicated to you. Travisty, the benevolent souls that we are, have filled it with New Year’s Resolutions (p.12), a freshers week ‘how to’ (p.8) and a special dose of advise from our very own Georgina Summers (will anyone ever understand this pun?)

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So if your worried about throwing a party without getting portered, your long-distance relationship or just want some recommendations on where to visit in Cambridge, this issue is for you.

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But enough about Trinity, let’s talk Travisty. Some say its a confused acronym of Varsity. Others say it’s a shit version of The Tab. It’s even been rumoured that it’s secretly run by the Chancellor of Cambridge who doubles up as the nosy bedder. All we know for sure, is that to get involved you should come to our first meeting on Sunday October 12th at 2:30 in the JCR. Or email me on travistytrinity@gmail.com. I like getting emails.

Trinity Stereotypes

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Have a good term.

The people you will definitely meet here

Travisty’s Top 3s

Talia

xxx

Where to go in Cam

P.8

P.4

Agony Aunt

Travisty’s How To

Georgina Summers is back

For a day of sporty fun

P.6

P.10

The Nosy Bedder She’s well rested and ready for a comeback

P.7

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Editor: Talia Zybutz Features Editor: James Taylor Creative Director: Thomas Hughes-Mclure

The Weekly Rant Avoid work obsession

P.11

Contributors: James Taylor, Mary Harvey, Kathryn Savage, Jack Harding, Jonny Dillon, Caitlin de Jode, Harriet Gordon, Elissa Foord

LIVE AND LET LIVE?!

TRIN PAYS LIVING WAGE A RECENT TRINITY COLLEGE STUDENT UNION OPEN MEETING HAS CONFIRMED THAT INCREASES OF 1.6% WILL BE MADE TO THE WAGES OF ALL DIRECT STAFF EMPLOYED BY TRINITY. This development comes after questions were raised by our very own TCSU over the use of the Living Wage at Trin. The TCSU’s actions, however, have existed on a much smaller scale than those of colleges such as Kings who’s student union fought in a yearlong campaign including a ‘Wages Not Wine’ rally that was reported in the national press (not just in the college’s own student newspaper…)

By James Taylor The living wage was hot on the agenda of student activism last year, so Travisty thought we’d update the incoming Trinitarians (and the rest of you) with the hard-hitting journalistic facts this paper is known for. Travisty, telling it like it is.

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The scoop is that a recent Trinity College Student Union Open Meeting has confirmed that increases of 1.6% will be made to the wages of all direct staff employed by Trinity.

(We use the term ‘scoop’ loosely, on the assumption none of you have bothered to hunt down the online minutes yourselves).

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The National Living Wage currently stands at £7.65 and is set by the Institute for Social

Policy Research. This stands in stark contrast to the current minimum wage of £6.31.

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When asked about what this will mean for Trinity’s performance in paying the Living

Wage, the Junior Bursar confirmed to the attendants of the Open Meeting that from 1 July all directly employed staff will indeed be paid at a level no lower than the Living Wage.

When the Open Meeting turned to the question of those indirectly employed, it was

confirmed that the survey did not include this category of staff. The Junior Bursar did,

however, highlight that the College makes clear to intermediary employees the College’s pay scales, and it is expected that these will be met.

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The scoop continues; a recent survey of staff by the College confirmed that 8 out of 10 employees were satisfied with their wage, with only 1 out of 10 dissatisfied and the rest falling under the category of “no opinion”.

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Despite this, it seems that currently externally contracted employees are still not consistently paid the Living Wage. It is hard to say what the next step will be, but the situation as stands is outlined above.

Travisty, telling it like it is.

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Students at Trinity have been vocal on the matter. Dan Littlewood, a first-year mathmo, said: “I think it’s encouraging - when you’re dealing with somewhere as rich as Cambridge (and Trinity in particular), I can’t see a good reason not to pay the Living Wage.”

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E L P O E Y T P I N I R T F O

RE EA W T IGH S’, BU H IC RE T. HO PLAST MEE S H O E ORT VE ‘TH GER T N F A P O OT HA L BE E A M N L H A MAY OU WI T I E W OU RIN. W TERS Y Y D T IDE E OF RAC V A O H N R C O LS P YOU SOME R I N G GIVE AINS T MEA E TO ON R C E Y H NIT TRI

MATHMOS They swarm all around us, lurking in the dark corners of the library as they scribble their way to top of tripos. Have been known to bring their own teapots to brunch, forget to shower, and fall madly in love with freshers, so keep your eyes peeled ladies.

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HOA (HISTORY OF ART)

Don’t worry yourself, they’re hanging out at Tit Hall pretending to do no work, wearing their grandma’s jumpers.

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RUGBY “LADS”

You’ll find them in hall covered in mud, eating a minimum of six eggs (protein, protein, protein), and drinking a protein shake. Oh, and did I mention about the protein?

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FRESHERS

Found instagramming photos of great court with their new best friends, nursing a week long hangover, and complaining about the broken lift in Wolfson.

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y

e arv H y r n Ma

By Kathry and ge a Sav

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4TH YEARS

Usually seen looking surly, discussing their year abroad, and looking down with undisguised distain at enthusiastic first years.

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GEOGRAPHERS

A pencil case full of Crayola will mark out this lot, who are to be spotted colouring in maps in the library, or blazing through the world cities round of categories.

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BOATIES

You’ll find them at breakfast, discussing crabs, ergs, and bumps. We’re lost too, don’t worry.

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#RKOI

(Rich Kids on Instagram) This subtly un-ironic hashtag is the marker of the red chino society, watch out for this minxy lot. They’ll be found drinking champagne out of a shoe and wiping their arses with vintage manuscripts.

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TCSU

You’ll spot them from a mile off, wearing their garish Fruits of the Loom jumpers, and greeting you at Great Gate with a sportingly over-enthusiastic grin and a handful of condoms.

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NATSCIS

A rare and elusive creature, Natscis are often mistakenly considered to be nocturnal due to their unreasonably high workload and presence at the strange and mysterious event of the “Saturday Lecture”. A phenomenon Travisty can neither confirm nor deny due to us always being asleep.

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Disclaimer: This article is based on the deeply scientific link between your subject or extracurricular hobbies and your personality which has been proven over numerous empirical case studies to be true. So don’t complain.

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DAME GEORGINA SUMMER Dear GS,

Going

UP

I live in Angel Court – I wish I lived in Wolfson, they have en suite bathrooms, are closer to Sainsburys and even have ovens. It’s like a paradise over there, what am I to do?!

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Freshers on the Wolfson Stairs when the lift inevitably breaks down half an hour after people start moving in

Nectar points Now you’re back in cam it’s Sainsbury's not Waitrose anymore, sorry.

Tom’s Presidency MIT may have Jeremy but we couldn’t be happier with our interim-president-cumcreative-director

Hog roast a freshers week classic, and some even say a term-long highlight.

You’ve been craving another one since May Ball, and here it is.

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Dear disgruntled dweller,!

It’s easy to feel dread when first confronted with the hospital wards of the infamous Angel Court. Couple this with the absence of sinks in the loos, the 50s motel decor and the worryingly large collection of asbestos warnings (if you get lung cancer in 60 years, you know who to sue), and you have a veritable dystopia. I’m not going to pretend this is a ‘grass is always greener’ reaction; in this case, there are pretty compelling reasons (especially when you stare glumly at Angel Court’s muddy excuse for a lawn) for believing the grass might actually be greener.! !

The solution is simple, and it occurs when you realise just how close to the college bar you are.

Regular readers of this column will recognise a common theme here, namely that alcohol is the answer, whatever society says. Drink a few Disaronno Sours (or whatever bizarre drink the college is plugging this year) and the fluorescent strip lights of Angel B will be transformed into something of transient beauty.

You’ll laugh in delight at the cramped kitchen, the dingy stairwell. Most importantly, you’ll feel asbestosproof. The advantage of Angel Court lies in learning to survive it.!

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Dear GS,

I didn’t like Cindie’s. Its crowded, sweaty and the music is awful. Help?!

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Dear claustrophobic clubber,!

I think everyone panics after their first night at Cindie’s. If you’ve ever

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been to a better club (which you will have if you have ever: a) lived in a city, b) lived near a city, c) been to a school disco), your experience of Cambridge nightlife will provoke some sort of existential crisis.

Stacey’s mum may have it going on, but she will grind you down and break you. Worst of all, you’ll realise that others don’t share your disgust (and dare I say it… fear?) of Ballare.

You’ll see that, for many, a trip to Cindie’s is a religious experience.

Like some Mecca of mediocrity, it attracts visitors from all over Cam any attempt to criticise it will be treated as a blasphemous affront.! !

At first you’ll regard these worshippers of banality in the way an anthropologist does a remote tribe.

You’ll be confused, wanting to see what makes them tick. So you’ll accompany them on their Wednesday night pilgrimages, and keep 3am vigil with them. You’ll take their chicken-quesadilla-shaped communion wafer, and pretend not to enjoy it, consuming it purely ‘ironicly’.

Over time, though, you inexplicably will start to have fun. Maybe it’s Stockholm syndrome, or maybe there is some metaphysical value in Cindie’s, but (if you’re like most) you’ll eventually become a convert.

Your trips to the smoking area will become less frequent, your orders at Gardie’s will multiply and (most importantly) every time a Busted song comes on, your chest will fill with joy. You will come to love Cindie’s.!

Or you could take loads of MD and go to Thursday Fez. It’s up to you.!

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THE NOSY BEDDER WELCOME BACK. IT’S BEEN A LONG SUMMER AND TRIN’S BEEN QUIET. STILL, SOME OF YOU JUST COULDN’T KEEP AWAY.

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It seems that the emerald isle had a lot to offer one group of rowdy Trinitarians, and while what happens on the isle stays on the isle, nosy bedder can assure you that some of it will come back to haunt them. One self-confessed tinder addict found true love, but if you refuse to do it casually perhaps you just won’t do it all.

It seems that monogamy is a lost art after one a certain holiday-maker wasn't satisfied with just the one conquest on the kitchen floor. Three in a week is to be applauded but if you dip your toe outside the Cambridge pond does it really even count?

To the freshers, harbouring dreams of arriving in Cambridge with a fresh start, hard luck. Your college parents have Facebook stalked you back to the days when you were 14 at capital VIP. And while you may be charmed by their attempts to create a fatherly bond in those oh so intimate facebook inboxes, be warned. While a certain set of dads seem charming, flirty, even good looking from their carefully filtered profile pictures, stay wary. Although one certain big daddy claims to have been joking when he attached a questionnaire to his inbox, nosy bedder can confirm that he still wants to find a way to screen his kiddiewinkles. All I’m saying is, don’t let things get too intimate at family drinks.

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In other news, a certain home-staying Trinitarian has finally flown the nest. Despite all expectations it seems that Trin pales in comparison when the big city calls - all nosy bedder knows is things will be ragged with out them.

Magic in the Moonlight Woody Allen disappoints. But maybe we were just expecting Emma Stone as her happy Easy A self.

Work during freshers week

The haters.

…it freshhaaaahh

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DOWN Going

A final word of warning to our darling freshers, although you may believe that you will do no wrong in freshers week (how could you possibly when it lasts only three nights), every year above you has made the same mistakes. Last year there were threesomes, girl on girl action, a little boy on boy, trincest and of course, the classic one night stands that you think no one will hear about. But whether in a fine or this column, it will all come out eventually

Freshers’ week faux pas are inevitable, but at least try and be creative about it. Because Michaelmas has begun, and nosy bedder is always watching.

Nosy bedder and marmite - you either love it or you hate it. Whatever your view, we (Travisty) love YOU and want our readers to be the happiest in the world. If you’d like to opt-out of nosy bedder (i.e. not be included in next issue’s column) just email your name to travistytrinity@gmail.com.

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GETTING TO KNOW CAMBRIDGE!

TRAVISTY’S TOP 3S PEARLS OF WISDOM ON TRAVISTY’S FAVOURITE PLACES TO GET A HANGOVER, RECOVER FROM IT, AND STRUGGLE TO MEET THAT ESSAY DEADLINE THE NEXT DAY.

By Jonny Dillon

Having spent all night in the pub you’ll likely find yourself in need of some good hangover food:

Cambridge has over 300 pubs for you to choose from when you fancy a tipple, but here are my top 3:

1.Nana Mexico

1.The Maypole

– The five pound Monday student deal is the best thing to have ever happened my post Sunday night Life hangovers.

– Great for a quick pre-night out drink or for dedicating your whole evening to.

Ever popular, I defy you to pop in for a quick pint and not run into at least three people you know.

2.The Urban Shed

– I haven’t even been here yet and it’s made the list. Having opened over the summer, this new sandwich shop’s menu sounds so good that it’s probably the number one thing I’m looking forward to about the start of term.

2.The Pickerel – Feels like home from the first visit. A real pub with charm, great outside space and scampi fries; need I say more.

3.The Anchor

– Sat right on the bank of the Cam, it’s the perfect location for a pint or three on a summer’s evening and not too shabby the rest of the year either.

3.McDonalds – Classic.

Cafés - whether to sit and write that week’s essay in or just to grab a quick coffee, these are three of my favourites:

1.Afternoon Tease – The carrot cake is incredible, and for every delicious slice you buy earns you a stamp on your loyalty card moving you one sixth closer to getting a slice for free. Free cake, people, free cake.

2.Indigo – A tiny independent café with really good coffee and a great atmosphere, if you can manage to find a seat.

3.Michaelhouse Café – Right across the road, this beautiful converted church makes a coffee that’s both better and cheaper than Starbucks. What more can you ask for?

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Sometimes you just can’t face confit of duck leg with bean mush and you need somewhere to grab a spot of lunch that serves good food at a reasonable price:

1.Aromi – Authentic Italian pizza, strombloi and panini so good that every day the queue runs out of the door and round the corner, wetting the pavement with the slobber of the hungry hordes.

2.Market Square Dumpling Truck – Yes, it may look like a trailer full of food poisoning, but by God is that food poisoning delicious.

3.Trockel, Ullman & Freunde

– Almost as kitsch as it is great value.

Cheap, tasty soups and sandwiches that change daily put this cute little café firmly on the list.

When mummy and daddy come to town you can go out for dinner and it won’t cost you a penny. Magic:

1.Midsummer House

– Make your parents show you how proud they are of their little Cantab with a 2 Michelin starred meal that costs more than your left leg.

2.Bill’s – If your parents aren’t oligarchs this is

perhaps a tad more realistic. Just down the road, great atmosphere and a brunch game that’s on point.

3.St John’s Chophouse – Such meat.

Much yum. Yes.

So you’ve eaten and drank your way around Cambridge, probably time to find yourself a library and actually do some work:

1.The Wren – It’s really, really, really beautiful and it’s ours. The perfect place t o c o n fi n e e x a m t e r m cramming and tourist photo-bombing.

2.The Law Faculty

– The chairs are stupidly uncomfortable, but for essay crises and getting through impossibly long reading lists in impossibly short time frames there’s nowhere better.

3.Divinty – Probably what

heaven would be like if heaven were a library. It has librarians that actually give out tea and biscuits during exam term rather than telling you off for smuggling snacks in.

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TRAVISTY’S HOW TO!

BY CAITLIN DE JODE Ahhh freshers. Welcome to Trin. You are standing, wide-eyed and innocent on the precipice of your first year at Cambridge, imagining that over the next several months you will shine, simultaneously excelling academically while maintaining a banging social life, and generally being a BNOC. I’m afraid you are sadly mistaken. You will spend most of the next year in the library, feeling hungover after a sweaty night of VKs and Disney, and panicking about the essay(s) that you haven’t started yet. Or the above state, except in your room, which is worse. But have no fear, Travisty is here! We’ve made all the mistakes you could possibly make, so listen to our easy-step guides and you won’t make them too. Maybe.

How to do three supervisions in one day.

Te r r i b l e s c h e d u l i n g a n d b l i n d / s t u p i d overestimation of your own abilities might result in a horrendous clash of supervisions which, if left unchecked, can cause nausea, headaches, fever, paralysis, coma and, in serious cases, death. So let’s not let it get to that point.

1) Read the bare minimum. If you have lots of essays bunched together, there is no point overloading yourself with work. Remember, this is just a supervision essay. It doesn’t count. Not even a little bit. So if it’s dire, you’ll survive.

2) Suck up to second years (hi guys). We’ve actually already done these essays, admittedly with varying degrees of success, and we are open to bribery. Especially when bribes come in the form of chocolate, Topshop vouchers, or Jaeger.

Just saying.

How to make the most out of fresher’s week.

1) Go to everything. The TCSU and the Entz committee work hard to make sure there is a varied programme of cool stuff, from big nights out, fancy formals and hog roasts to quiz nights and stand-up comedy, there’s something for everyone. My advice is do all of it.

2) Chat to everyone. This is vital. Say hello to your neighbours when you’re unpacking, it’s always good to have someone help carry boxes. Start off on the right foot with your bedders. There will also be lots of people in bright red hoodies wandering around saying “HI I’M IN TCSU LET’S BE FRIENDS!” So be friends with them. They’re great.

3) Keep healthy. Don’t worry, I’m never going to tell people to stay in. As if. Pfffff, I’m Irish. But in order to keep you healthy enough to be able to continue going out for the rest of term, try and get a decent night’s sleep when you can, drink water (it’s free), take advantage of the fruit and healthy stuff in Hall, drink Berocca with your vodka. Just remember, it’s a marathon, not a sprint.

3) Cry. Feign two broken wrists. Drop out.

Alternatively, get your head down, pull an allnighter or two, and then wing your way through the supervisions. You are at Cambridge, which means you are smart and you can think on your feet. You’ll be fiiiiiiine.

How to have a party and not get portered.

Welcome to Cambridge, where fun is BANNED. Well… kinda. College have strict rules about making sure you don’t distract yourself and those around you from the important business of getting a first/having no life. Luckily we don’t pay much attention. Here’s how to stop your room party getting broken up by one of those jolly fellows in bowler hats.

1) Don’t live on the ground floor.

2) Make best friends with your neighbours. Like super best friends. Invite them. Unless they’re weird, in which case, you’re fucked. Sorry.

How to get back to Trin after a night out.

3) Keep the windows shut. This is unpleasant, especially if you are soooooo popular that you have loads of guests, but necessary for two reasons. Firstly, it makes it harder for any porter having a midnight stroll to hear you. Secondly a closed window means that if a party guest is fed up with the dregs of their drink, they’ll have to down it like a sensible fresher rather than lob it out of the open window onto unsuspecting passers-by. You’d be surprised.

Congrats! You already know how to do this, because you are at Trinity, rather than some rural backwater “college” which is miles away, like Girton, or Jesus. There is only one step:

1) Stagger drunkenly out of the club. Any club, doesn’t matter which. Turn left and keep walking, in a straight line, if possible. You will eventually stumble upon the back gate of Whewells. Well done.

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*Advanced version*

Follow smell of burnt cheese to Gardies. Queue.

Repeat as necessary.

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M y personal favourites are the ‘When in Cambridge’ tumblr and the ‘Overheard at Cambridge’ Facebook page (you’re welcome).

THE WEEKLY RANT

HARRIET GORDON IS UNHAPPY ABOUT WORK OBSESSION… It’s only Freshers Week and already everyone is thinking about work, talking about work and even doing work and I am really not okay with it. Yes, you have to work hard at Cambridge (duh) but all work and no play does not a happy student make. There is so much amazing stuff going on in Cambridge, but it seems that a worryingly large portion of people forget to live alongside their degree. Taking a day off really isn’t the grave sin it’s made out to be, so stop staring out the library window and actually go and experience Cambridge.

1. Try out all the afternoon tea spots Cambridge cafes are the best. Thanks to the high proportion of tourists, every other historical building houses some kind of eatery and there is no better way to cure a first week hangover than by stuffing your face with cake and scones.

2. Grab a punt Go punting before it gets too cold and miserable and you have to wait until March (speaking from experience). It’s the perfect way to explore the colleges on the river and come to the conclusion that yes Trinity is definitely the prettiest and obviously much prettier than John’s.

3. Join a club Sports, debating, Travisty (cough, cough) – whatever your poison, joining a society or is a great way to meet new people and experience new things. Whatever your skill level and however much time you want to commit, there genuinely is something for everyone in Cambridge.

5. Go to brunch Trinity brunch is literally unbeatable. It genuinely has everything you could possibly want – waffles, bacon, pancakes and, slightly bizarrely, cold pasta and salad. Still, brunch is a serious commitment and I would schedule at least an hour and a half every week for this holy ceremony.

6. Cindies then Van of Life A weekly ritual for many, Wednesday night Cindies followed by a visit to the Van of Life (not to be confused with the Van of Death) is an absolute must. Yes, Cindies only plays 30 seconds of each song, but you won’t care when you’re belting out the chorus to the Lion King or S Club 7.

7. Go on a swap A Cambridge tradition, the girls from one college and the boys from another awkwardly gather in a sub-par curry house to get really, really drunk and embarrass each other. Might sound awful, but it is a great opportunity for fancy dress and bonding with college pals.

8. Just wander Cambridge is honestly one of the most beautiful places in the whole world in my, albeit biased, opinion. It’s easy to miss the hidden gems if you’re always rushing around between lectures and supervisions, so take the time to explore and appreciate Cambridge’s quirks. (picture of the Wren door)

4. Procrastinate You haven’t truly done a library session until you’ve spent at least an hour studiously ignoring your textbook and browsing every website you know to exist.

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Harriet wants you to chill out Page 11

NEW (ACADEMIC) YEAR’S!

RESOLUTIONS

OBVIOUSLY, THIS IS GOING TO BE THE YEAR THAT WE’RE ALL GOING TO COMPLETE THE HOLY TRINITY OF BECOMING A BLUE, GETTING A FIRST, AND ATTENDING EVERY WEDNESDAY CINDIES. BUT TO HELP US GET OFF TO THE RIGHT START TRAVISTY’S BEEN DOING SOME LONG, HARD REFLECTION, AND WE’VE COME UP WITH A FEW SHORT-TERM GOALS FOR THE NEW YEAR. BY ELISSA FOORD

Under no circumstances will I countenance rowing. No matter what I hear about rowing guys. No matter how banging I look in Lycra.

Nothing – nothing – is worth it.

I will enter the U.L., abandoning my long held catechism that if my reading’s not in the College library, it is certainly not relevant. There might be a reason why all Trinity copies have been checked out. I will also not.. cede my entire student loan to Trinity Library’s draconian fining policy.

I will not shamelessly misrepresent scholars’ views to support my essay’s point, if – and only if – the scholar in question will be supervising me on said essay.

My bank statement will record transactio ns other t h a n payments t o Sainsbury’ s, Cindies, and Life.

I will not, upon being discovered on the grass of any College court, claim to be a visiting Professor and lecture the Porters on my research into quantum computing.

I will exercise self-restraint when dealing with tourists as I cycle over Orgasm Bridge. Yes, it qualified as a ‘mountain stage’ when the Tour de France came to Cambridge. Yes, selfie-sticks are more than inconvenient to duck under at 8:58am. But stiff upper lip.

I will adhere to my commitment to participatory democracy and fill in TCSU surveys, even if the number of pages soliciting my opinion on polenta exceeds the entire current page count of my dissertation.

I will not resort to sleeping with books under my pillows instead of reading them. I’m beginning to suspect it’s disturbing my rest.

I will do something useful with my time and get involved with Travisty by em a i l i n g travistytrinity@gmail. com or coming to our first meeting of term on Sunday

October 12th.