“My barn having burned down, I can now see the moon.”

- Mizuta Masahide (17 th century Japanese poet and samurai)

Something we all share is that we have recently had an opportunity to test our levels of personal resilience, thanks to the global pandemic. In fact, it turns out that our traumas and adversities in previous years were actually great training for the pandemic, for political and social upheaval or for the economic and financial uncertainty we face, and much more. This is because we only really develop resilience when given a chance to work through difficult problems or hardships.

So whether we failed at the challenge or thrived on it, we have all had an opportunity recently to reflect on where we stand when it comes to our personal resilience. Most of us, if we are honest with ourselves, found the experience really hard and it showed us our lack of resilience. The good news is that there is no time like the present to work on those areas of yourself where there is strain or struggle, and resilience is in fact something you can develop.

Our resilience is our bounce-back ability. It’s not just how we recover from setbacks, but how well we recover. Being resilient does not mean you do not feel the distress or avoid the pain, but rather it is about how we deal with the cards we are dealt. What is more, a trait of a balanced and mentally healthy person is resilience.

While there is no simple to-do list to work through adversity, there are factors that contribute to building resilience. We all process trauma and adversity in different ways, but there are certain protective factors that help us build resilience by improving our coping skills and adaptability. These protective factors include our support structure, our sense of self, our coping mechanisms and our emotional regulation. It has been shown that a strong support network is an incredible tool for overcoming difficulty. How strong is your support network? It has also been shown that what we think about ourselves enables us to face adversity. What do you think about yourself?

The list of protective factors in building resilience contains, for the most part, factors over which we have some level of control. We can build up our social support networks or learn to reframe our negative thoughts about ourselves or develop new and better coping mechanisms. Learning to be resilient doesn’t mean figuring out how to “grin and bear it” or simply “get over it.” It is about finding safe and healthy coping mechanisms that assist you in your time of need. It involves a combination of inner strength and outer resources, and there is no universal formula for becoming more resilient.

We can, however, take heart in the fact that we are not alone in adversity. Difficulties are universal, and we all have had to endure this particular one. What is more, many people have taken their adversities and used them as the platform to launch their dreams. As J.K. Rowling (author of the Harry Potter series) has been quoted as saying “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

We also have more ability for resilience than we give ourselves credit for. Jodi Picoult wrote in her book My Sister’s Keeper, “The human capacity for burden is like bamboo – far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first glance.”

So much of what goes into building resilience is how we frame our situations in our own minds. There is an old story of two boys who grew up with an alcoholic father. One of them became a great success and the other a great failure. When asked why their life turned out this way, each boy responded “I watched my father.” How you frame a situation in your own mind has a huge impact on the choices you will make, and the life you will live.

And if you are still unsure about why it is a good idea to work towards building your resilience, research shows us that resilience can reduce the negative effect that stress has on the immune system. Studies have shown that low resilience is associated with worsening of disease, whereas high resilience is associated with a better quality of life.

Kirsty Watermeyer