Transformation Coaching Magazine March 2022

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COACHING AND BUSINESS TOOLS Rising Star Coach: Stéphane Narcis Digital Ad Update

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INSPIRATION & GROWTH Believe in Yourself Finding True Love in “The Garden” Speaking with Contempt Clean Sensitivity Hope and Balance Love Is Love Who Needs Need? The Seventh Pathway The Ego as a Spiritual Scapegoat

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FEED YOUR SPIRIT The Creation of Evolution

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PUBLISHERS Natalie Rivera Joeel A. Rivera, M.Ed.

EDITOR Lisa Cedrone

CONTRIBUTORS Mary Boutillier, Terez Hartmann, Lisa Hawkins, Arielle Giordano, Linda Commito, Jo Mooy, Owen Waters, Jowanna Daley, Gregg Sanderson, Kandace Hawley

© Copyright 2022 Transformation Services, Inc. All rights reserved. http://www.TransformationMag.com

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We believe that self-employment is the ultimate form of empowerment. Our mission is to bring you guests whose powerful entrepreneurship stories and real-world advice will give you the inspiration and tools to create a business and life that you love.

Listen on our website or your favorite podcast app or watch the video version on our YouTube channel.

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Rising Star Coach: Stéphane Narcis

Here at Transformation Academy we are excited to announce our January’s Transformation Academy Rising Star – Stéphane Narcis!

Our goal with this initiative is to recognize and celebrate group membership who demonstrate the heart and service of a coach. Each monthly recipient of this recognition will be selected for a unique reason. Some will be seasoned coaches who serve as valuable mentors within the group. Others may be just starting their coach-training journey and exude a contagious attitude or passion. Others may be actively supporting other group members, whether by providing resources, answering common questions, or providing moral support. Regardless of each of our wonderful group members’ background or experience, we all benefit from the mutual support and varied perspectives offered within this diverse group!

The Rising Star initiative is a way to give a special THANK YOU to those who go above and beyond to share of themselves within this community.

ABOUT STÉPHANE:

Stéphane Narcis, Réunion Island Founder and CEO of Stéphane NARCIS™ “Why do you speak so loud when I cannot hear what you say?”

Stéphane is an Online Course Creator, Teacher of Modern Foreign Languages, Body Language & Lie Detection Expert from Réunion Island. His mission is to help leaders, teachers,

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and professionals in all industries to achieve their goals. Stéphane has always been a dreamer and an achiever. He understands that purpose exists in everything. He believes you have two choices: to allow any unexpected or negative aspect of life to be a curse, or else to turn it into a blessing.

Stéphane’s philosophy can be summarized in a few words: Be your true self. Be whom you want to be. Never let anyone tell you that you aren’t good enough because, in actual fact, they project all their insecurities on you.

Connect to Stéphane at https://www.facebook.com/narcisstephane or https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephanenarcis/

WHAT IS YOUR NICHE (COACHING FOCUS) AND HOW DID YOU CHOOSE IT?

I genuinely believe that we don’t need to solely focus on one niche. As an online course creator, I’ve created several online courses/books on different topics such as: body language, lie detection, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), personal development for kids, presentation skills and teaching skills.

WHO IS YOUR IDEAL CLIENT?

Motivated individuals who want to get skills that will make a difference in the lives of others.

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO BECOME A LIFE COACH?

I’ve always been an active listener since a young age.

I listened to my friends, colleagues, and family without making any judgments. And then, a couple of years ago, life coaching started to become popular in France. I listened and watched TED Talks and conferences, which blew my mind away, but the people who inspired me to become a coach and an expert in Non-Verbal Communication and Lie Detection were Dr. Paul Ekman, Dr. David Matsumoto, Joe Navarro, my mentors who encouraged me to go that way. I cannot thank them enough because they allowed me to think of the way I interacted with others, and they also made me ask several questions on authenticity and the way we communicate with each other. NonVerbal Communication has been part of my everyday life since that moment. I wanted to go further and started to learn about Lie Detection too. It is said that about 60 percent of people can’t go 10 minutes without lying. But why do we all lie? Do we want to keep a secret from someone else? Did I just say a white lie, or am I deceptive? Lie detection allows me to understand that not everyone can be your friend. In fact, we all have frenemies in our circle of friends or acquaintances. I aimed to discover who they were and stay away from them. It was the same with manipulators or toxic people. Reading someone’s body language opened a new world to me. I’m not saying that I’m constantly doing it, but it is a skill that I possess now.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN COACHING?

I guess I’ve been coaching my entire life. My friends and colleagues have always come up to me. I guess at the time, even though I didn’t have any coaching skills, I was an active listener.

HOW DID YOU GET YOUR FIRST CLIENT?

As an educator, I wasn’t only teaching my students, but I coached them to succeed, get their self-esteem and confidence back, and teach them resilience.

HOW HAS YOUR COACHING JOURNEY CHANGED YOUR LIFE?

I feel more relaxed. I see things differently. I’ve learned to learn how to establish significant and authentic connections.

Being a coach means that you can physically work with someone online, which wasn’t possible decades ago. I learned to be imperfectly imperfect. I’ve been helping others in various ways, but I’ve also worked on myself to be the person I am today. I completely changed the way I interacted with people. I chose my friends more carefully. I stop hanging around toxic people. I’ve got now the POWER to say “NO”: “I’m sorry, but I won’t be doing it.” People get offended because I used to be a people pleaser, but now when my head and my body says no, I just listen to them. By doing this, some people disappeared but, believe me, dear Transformation Coaching reader, it was for the best.

WHAT IS THE MOST CHALLENGING PART OF BEING A LIFE COACH?

I would say trying to help everyone, which might be impossible. I told myself a while ago but thinking about it now, I have a different vision. I wondered for a long time how I could help many people. And to me, this was possible via online learning and making books available online. Thanks to Natalie and Joeel Rivera, the founders of Transformation Academy, I’m in the process of creating an online school. This is why I have been working with a company in Canada that will accredit all of my courses. Lastly, it has been difficult for many people to comprehend what I do. I’m a teacher, an academic writer, an author, a course creator, and a coach, but people don’t get what coaching entails. People around me tell me that I should only focus on my teaching job, but my mind needs to be stimulated. I love thinking, writing, and helping others to succeed. You should only be doing one thing in people’s minds, but it is not valid. We can be focused on one job give 100 percent but still be a coach. People project their fears and insecurities, but it doesn’t affect me or change my thinking. I won’t change it for anyone. I know what I love. I know what my vocations are, so let’s help as many people as we can.

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WHAT IS THE MOST FULFILLING PART OF BEING A LIFE COACH?

I would say, without a doubt, impacting others to thrive and transforming lives. It’s about making a positive difference on our own scale on this planet, no matter big or small. Living life on your own terms is what I appreciate a lot. The ability to work and travel anywhere are also things to be considered.

One of my favorite coaching activities is the wheel of life because it helps me visualize all the critical areas of my life at once.

WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR MOST INSPIRATIONAL COACHING MOMENT, WITH A CLIENT?

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE YOURSELF BACK WHEN YOU FIRST DREAMED OF BECOMING A COACH?

Generally speaking, people don’t like when we tell them the truth. As coaches, we need to use specific phrases or words to make clients aware of the progress they need to make. A few months ago, I coached a friend of mine. I asked her this simple question: Me: “Are you aware that you keep showing me contempt after all these years?”

My friend: “Contempt?”

Me: “Absolutely. Do you know what it is?”

My friend: “I’m not too sure.”

Me: “Contempt is the only emotion with a unilateral facial expression, meaning that the expression is not symmetrical.

The expression of contempt can occur with or without a hint of a smile or angry expression. It is characterized by a feeling of superiority over another.”

My friend: “So, what are you trying to tell me?”

Me: “It’s pretty simple. You told me that you had issues with your husband for many years, but you didn’t quite understand why it kept happening.”

My friend: “That’s true.”

Me: “Well, when you will fully become aware that you are doing it, it’s the moment when everything will change positively in your relationship.”

My friend: “Why?” Me: “People who show contempt feel, once again, superior to the person they are interacting with. This is what you’ve been doing for years. You sent your husband [non-verbal messages] saying that you’re superior to him, which is why you’ve had issues in your couple for so long.”

I talked to my friend and then told her that she should be aware of the unspoken words. Our body speaks so as our faces. Be aware of it, try to change it, and then you’ll see a difference. I gave her many practical tips that allowed her to make those changes and improve her relationship with her husband.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COACHING ACTIVITY OR EXERCISE TO DO WITH CLIENTS?

One of my favorite coaching activities is the Wheel of Life because it helps me and my clients visualize all the critical areas of their life at once.

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WHAT HAS BEEN THE MOST EFFECTIVE STRATEGY FOR FINDING CLIENTS AND/OR GROWING YOUR BUSINESS?

I haven’t started my business per se. I’m still in the process of doing it, but I would say that one piece of advice that I could give to anyone is to find a niche first. What are you good at? What life experiences do you have? Do some research. Think from pain points and how much support a person needs. It seems easier said than done, but it is achievable.

WHAT IS THE IMPACT YOU WANT TO MAKE IN THIS WORLD?

First of all, when I was a child, I didn’t know what communication was and how to communicate. I was often misunderstood, judged, hated, and bullied by many of my classmates to the point that I had bruises on my body. I’ve learned with time that it is ok not to be ok. Why can’t we cry when we need to? Why can’t we show happiness around us? I’ve learned that being emotional and being me was hard all of these years. People, your institution, even your colleagues have told me that I should behave in a certain way and not show my true feelings. “But why?” did I ask myself. Being yourself and your true self means being able to show your feelings and be you. I’m now me, and I can tell you that it feels incredible. Stop hiding and start living! Learning people skills, as well as body language, opened a new world to me. We need to be AUTHENTIC. Authenticity, in fact, is the key to success.

When you are flamboyant and use non-verbal communication to express yourself, you will see that a new world will come to you.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH TRANSFORMATION COACHING MAGAZINE READERS? Never let any limiting beliefs or all those voices in your head tell you that you aren’t good enough. Believe that you’re on Earth to accomplish great work and help people heal differently. Never lose hope because life lessons are the best. You might have touched rock bottom, but when you’ll be on your feet. Never let anyone tell you that you are not good enough.

You are talented, and you are beautiful. You are excellent at what you do. Be an authentic version of yourself. Live life to the fullest and Be exceptional.

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Believe in Yourself

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Eve Maier

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We are beautifully and imperfectly ourselves and, yes, we dance to our own rhythm.

By Mary Boutieller Sometimes all it takes is a change of scenery to help you notice things in a different way. Sometimes, that means traveling to a new place, sometimes it’s a change in your home’s decor or in the yard, and sometimes it’s all in your head, as in a change in perspective!

Recently, my husband, John, embarked on a “crazy” project for the yard. He and his brother had recently trimmed some of bamboo that had gotten a bit out of hand. His brother took some of it home with him, but left quite a bundle here. As John contemplated what to do with it, he remembered a small bamboo screen he had seen in the neighborhood, so he decided to do his version of that screen, only much, much bigger. He told me his idea, and I thought of all the reasons why it might not work.

It was big, it could fall on something, how would he anchor it, how would it look, etc. You see, I’ve always been the “practical one” in my family, seemingly weighing the pros and cons of any idea,

no matter how good it sounded on the surface. And although I’ve loosened up a bit in my old age, I still tend to envision the problems before I see the potential.

And because John is wise, he said, “Just let me try it, and if it doesn’t work, we’ll take it down.”

Over the course of the week, he played with these 10-foot-long poles of bamboo, laying them out on a grid, fastening them together with electrical ties, trying to find stability in the structure, and changing course as his imagination took his project to different places.

I watched from the sidelines wondering how in the world this would work, but admiring his determination. And although John is also a practical kind of guy, he is creative and playful in a way that I try to emulate in my own way. Once he got the structure put together and with the help of a neighbor, the three of us pressed it up to the sky and into place in a dug-out trench. While my neighbor and I held it steady, John placed blocks and dirt into the hole to firm it up. Finally, with some guide wires and metal braces, this

a­ mazing grid of bamboo stood up on end with a backdrop of greenery. The final touch of some colored plastic films hung at various intervals created our very own amazing yard art. And I love it. And I love him for pursuing his vision, despite the naysayers in his world.

Miguel de Cervantes said, “In order to attain the impossible, one must attempt the absurd.”

It’s this way with so many ideas, right!? We think of them, we tell ourselves all the reasons why we can’t do it (or we listen to others) and then we don’t...until, that is, we do. Once we believe in ourselves enough and we believe in our vision or our version of life enough, we can say, “To heck with it! It will either work or it won’t and I won’t know until I try.” I often tell my yoga students that

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Photo Credit: Unsplash/Johnny Mcclung

whether or not they can do a particular pose has no bearing on who they are as students or as people. We are not better or less than because we can or can’t do something that someone else can do. We are beautifully and imperfectly ourselves and, yes, we dance to our own rhythm. It’s what I do as a teacher. It’s what John does as he creates; it’s what we all do when we stay true to ourselves and pursue our ideas and our goals and our fancy.

I came across a quote by Holly Shortall who said, “Do caterpillars know

they’re going to turn into butterflies or do they just wake up one day like whoa...

I am stunning!”

I smiled when I read this quote.

To imagine that one day, we will wake up and realize that yes, we are stunning and amazing and worthy. One day, we will silence the small voice of criticism and doubt, and do the impossible. And, one day, we will embrace our quirkiness, our silly, serious, doubtful ever-evolving selves and smile.

Maybe that day is today.

I’ll leave you with this quote by Henry David Thoreau, “Pursue some path, however narrow and crooked, in which you can walk with love and reverence.”

I think we can only do this if we are being authentically ourselves. So please, be you, and then share that gift with the world!

Love and Namaste’, Mary Mary I. Boutieller

The Yoga of Life with Mary Boutieller Mary Boutieller is a Registered Yoga Teacher through Yoga Alliance. She has been teaching yoga since 2005. Her work experience includes 22 years as a firefighter/paramedic and 10 years as a Licensed Massage Therapist. Mary’s knowledge and experience give her a well-rounded understanding of anatomy, alignment, health and movement in the body. She is passionate about the benefits of yoga and the ability to heal at all levels through awareness, compassion, and a willingness to explore. She can be reached at: SimplyogaOm@gmail.com.

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Finding True Love in “The Garden”

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Celeste Horrocks

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Beautiful, wild, and free.

By Terez Hartmann

“Wild thing! You make my heart sing!”

Each of us, in some form or fashion, is a wild being; a being who came into this world to follow the sun and seek warmth and light; a being who would go to the places that nourish it and that appeal to its unique sense of beauty; a being who would only continue to connect and interact with other beings who feel warm and inviting and/or beings who are open to the opportunity of creating something new and expansive together.

Wild things do not knowingly or intentionally go to places where there is not (and never would be) nourishment or where they would meet certain death or systematic destruction of their health and life force; yet, rather than continue to follow their natural rhythms and guidance, many humans will indeed throw water on their inner fire and dismantle their vibrant selves, dreams, and lives in the name of “love” and ask others to do the same for them.

When you’ve seen unhelpful, unfulfilling, or even harmful relationship patterns play out time and time again in the lives of others or yourself, what’s a wild thing looking for true love to do?

Many humans choose the path of “domestication,” trading their core desires or authentic selves in favor of being in a relationship of ANY kind. Others look around and surmise that there are no other wild things that will ever “get them” and resolve to live alone rather than give up their freedom and wild nature.

But what if you actually CAN retain the beautiful, wild, free being you AND they are while sharing in magnificent, life-enhancing adventures in your trips around the sun, together?

CONSIDER A TRIP TO “THE GARDEN”

Every wild thing has a sanctuary/reserve/preserve that is “The Garden” of their life.

In The Garden, you have a wonderful variety of trees, flowers and butterflies that enhance the terrain and provide diversity, texture, color, and beauty—each a powerful element of your experience of life and love. And when you understand the roles and appreciate the beauty of each of these three key elements, love can and will find YOU! 1. Trees Trees are the anchors and fixtures in your garden. With each passing year, they reach upward and outward, and, depending on the type of tree, many grow very deep roots that also expand to support their above-ground growth. Even with changing seasons, falling leaves, and coming or going of flowers or fruit, the trees continue to stand steadfast, solidly and happily rooted in your garden for you to enjoy.

Many mature trees are self-sustaining, drawing from sunlight, rain, and the nutrients in the soil and thrive when they are simply allowed to do what they do. Some are already in our garden, waiting for us when we arrive, others are planted by cooperative

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friends, others come to fruition when we feel the spark and homecoming of love. The best news of all? In the garden of your heart, trees are infinite beings that, once planted, continue evermore.

Your job: Allow your trees ample space to grow, hug them as inspired, and appreciate the multitude of gifts they provide (shade, birds, flowers, fruit, beauty, etc.).

Trees represent the unconditional love/true love that is long-standing and eternal in your life.

2. Flowers Flowers are the seasonal stars of your garden, creating wonderful, changing works of art throughout the year. Whether annuals or perennials, each flower blooms at its ideal time, stays for a while, then clears the path for the next flower. Flowers come and go, but are glad to bloom for you and inspire a smile.

Flowers thrive best when grown in their proper zone, in a place that has the amount of light they desire, and where they can receive the proper amount of water.

Your job: Create the space for their success by planting them wisely, water/prune/care for them as needed, and throw in a few “oohs” and “ahs” as they show off for you!

Flowers represent the blossoming of YOU and the dynamic, ever-evolving expression of your wild, beautiful being.

3. Butterflies Butterflies add movement and are glorious bonuses, upgrades, and happy surprises that take your garden to the next level.

Some will waft in for a mere moment, others will linger for a time, visiting many flowers, and some will even gladly visit your garden every day of their lives, but ALL visit as inspired creatures of nature.

Though there is no real way to predict their flight path or when they will enter or depart from your garden, if you nurture and nourish your trees and flowers, you create the space for an ongoing butterfly fiesta and never lack for these amazing creatures!

Butterflies are fully autonomous and self-sustaining, and naturally seek out their favorite food and sources of fresh water.

Their ability to fly is essential for their survival.

Your job: Tend to your garden, fill it with lots of healthy flowers, keep the waters of your life force flowing, then savor, enjoy, and appreciate the butterflies while they are there.

Butterflies represent the humans (wild things just like YOU) who add joy, beauty, and expansion to your life.

CREATING A THRIVING GARDEN

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Joel Valve

Some part of me (and I would dare say, you) has always known that I, too, am a butterfly. I have always thrived and had a natural sense of loyalty to other wild things when I’ve been allowed to be ME. Though I do appreciate the idea of another being wanting me to stay in their garden perpetually because they enjoy something about me, I have never enjoyed feeling trapped or having my flight path limited—and I have to dually acknowledge that every time I (unknowingly or unwittingly) demanded that another butterfly stay only in my garden, those relationships suffered or ultimately broke down.

It has taken much trial and error with many powerful teachers along my path to find my way to The Garden, but I can honestly say that I would not be in a 22-plus year friendship/20year-long happy, fulfilling, magical, (and, yes, monogamous) marriage or have friendships spanning decades had I not loved, respected, and celebrated the wild, butterfly nature of the people who truly matter in my life.

I have, indeed, had to say goodbye to many people who were once a more prominent part of my life garden, but I do know that the love we shared, no matter how brief, caused a tree to grow somewhere, which then dropped seedlings that ultimately germinated into the strong, magnificent trees that have (and are yet to) become long-standing parts of my life.

THE BOTTOM LINE: FINDING TRUE LOVE IN THE GARDEN

While there can be many dimensions and layers to how, why and who we love, or to what truly defines an “ideal” romantic, family, or friend relationship, one thing is certain: When people are allowed to be the authentic butterfly they are and they are given room to be beautiful, wild and free, EVERYONE benefits.

Like many, I have spent far too long trying to be the butterfly that makes everyone else happy, and at times, have lingered far too long in gardens that have ultimately been hazardous to my health, simply because they belonged to people with preassigned roles or that have held personal historic significance for me. But I have come to find that when I visit the gardens of the ones who truly welcome me, I am more than happy to be a regular visitor

and a catalyst for the existence of ever more beautiful flowers and trees in the garden of THEIR lives.

Whatever path you choose, dear butterfly, it is my sincere desire that you, too, allow yourself the joy of finding true love in The Garden; for I believe love will always come, flowers will always bloom, and trees will always grow for the wild things who remember that we ALL have wings.

ALLOWING YOUR SUCCESS with Terez “Firewoman” Hartmann

Terez “Firewoman” Hartmann is a Visionary Creative & top-rated instructor, Law of Attraction & Allowing YOUR Success specialist, published author, speaker, singer-songwriter, recording & performing artist & composer, “Catalyst for Fab-YOU-lous” and true Renaissance Woman who has already helped over 10,000 students in over 130 countries allow success and live life on FIRE. She is deeply passionate about helping other Powerful Creatives and Leading-Edge Thinkers live unique, empowered lives on their terms by cultivating the courage to dream, to express themselves boldly & authentically, and to focus Onward, Upward and Forward into new possibilities. http://www.terezfirewoman.com

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Speaking with Contempt

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SPEAKING WITH CONTEMPT

When we allow ourselves to stop acting and speaking consciously, we put our relationships at risk.

By Lisa Hawkins At the beginning of relationships, we are careful of what we say and how we say it.

We respect our partners and make it a priority. Often, communication is sweet and adoring. After a while, when the honeymoon stage is gone, we get comfortable, and a little bored with our partners. We can slip into talking to them with contempt. It’s usually gradual. Each time we get away with it, we continue on.

I’ve experienced this phenomenon myself, and I’ve realized it is common. No one writes about it. Then I hear renowned sex therapist, Esther Perel, discuss it in an interview. Relationships can hit the rocks for all kinds of reasons. But, she says, a single factor is a major predictor of whether or not a relationship will survive: whether the couple in question treats one another with contempt.

In her latest book, State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, Perel asserts that contempt is the biggest killer of relationships.

What’s behind this common problem with relationships?

I was curious.

Perel says, “Speaking to our partners or loved ones with contempt happens because we can get by with it.” Not a grandiose reason, just because we can get by with it.

The moment I heard this, it made sense. It’s not a major problem necessarily if we catch it and shift it. However, it can be an enormous problem as it chips away and undermines our relationships. Perhaps it’s just being with someone with whom we’ve grown comfortable. We don’t need their approval anymore, so we just stop consciously trying to, as we did in the beginning.

Perhaps it is an underlying frustration that hasn’t been resolved amd is manifesting in our voice tone. We fart, burp, snore, and pee in front of our partners—we do a multitude of things we do not do around others because we get comfortable.

We begin to get by with talking to them with contempt.

We forget the respect, the adoring comments, and the voice we used in the beginning when we found them alluring. We just get into a place of it being like a worn-out pair of shoes. Take it or leave it mentality. If someone else was listening, it might sound like our partners are a nuisance.

This contemptuous way of talking affects our relationships. It does. It can be a marker of whether a relationship will last.

We’ve allowed ourselves to stop acting and speaking consciously and have fallen into the default mode.

Often, we’ve convinced ourselves that we are tired of our partner. We speak to them with contempt because at some level, we are taking them for granted. It’s hard to have passion and desire when spoken to with contempt. In our busy lives, we do not stop to evaluate how this feels when it is done to us.

Do we just continue on with the entitlement of having the right to talk to our partners with disgust because we are with them? It’s as if we are going to discard them.

In our approval-seeking society, we’ve trained ourselves to be kind and speak with caution to those not so close to us, and that very thing could be the reason we speak disrespectfully with our partners; it’s because we are so tired of speaking politely, kindly, and cautiously with others.

I totally have found what Perel says to be true. We let it out with our partners because we can get by with it. Because they have accepted us. It is sad, really, that the very people we love and cherish we speak to in the worst possible way. However, those we don’t know that well and aren’t as comfortable around we speak with respectfully.

It’s really important to check in with ourselves and our partners periodically for this reason. We can notice when we are driving our relationship by default. We begin to see how our unconscious behaviors can erode a relationship.

It’s important to really drive our relationships with conscious effort. Being in a relationship doesn’t give us the right to totally disregard our partner’s feelings and disrespect them. One way to nail this dynamic is to set a voice-activated recorder somewhere in the house. Leave it in a prominent spot where conversations take place for a long while. You’ll most likely forget it is there. Then make a future note to yourself to check it. Then playback the recording.

It can be mind-blowing. For some, it will have the same voice tone and response that has been there, and it is respectful and nonviolent. Others will find that they speak to their partner with utter contempt.

Really, when we look back, it might not even have anything to do with our partner; it might just be overall frustration with life outside of our relationship. Others will find they have pent-up frustrations that need to be voiced.

If we truly care about having a healthy, thriving relationship, we’ll do the extra effort it takes to consciously move through it and grow, treating our partner as if they are important to us.

Sometimes it’s not about what we say, but how we say it.

Lisa Hawkins is a coach with 26 years of experience in personal growth and development, psychology and human behavior with an emphasis on relationships, which includes the most important one, with yourself. She helps those who want to have a more fulfilling relationship and life. When one works on one aspect of life that is holding them back, it trickles down to other areas of life. Love is the one thing we all crave at a deep level: We crave our true nature, our self-love, and to express that love to others. Lisa works with men and women to awaken the conscious part of themselves that knows how to love deeply. Find our more at https://www.ConsciouslyAwakeCounseling.com.

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Clean Sensitivity

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Let go of your stories and allow your

true feelings to rest gently and quietly in your heart.

By Arielle Giordano When you have sensitivity, you feel everything.

And when your sensitivity is clean, you are resting with what you know is in your heart.

There is nothing more sensitive then love, and there is nothing within love that focuses in on itself. A heart of love that is open is always being pierced. There is still hurt, but we don’t take it personally because it’s not all about ourselves. True love is you letting your sensitivity be gentle and quiet. It does not lose its capacity to feel, it just loses its sound, and then you are being sensitive without any noise or distractions.

Clean sensitivity is feeling what you are feeling without turning it into a story. It is about feeling without being emotional. Otherwise, the feelings become all about you even if a situation concerns another.

The more you open, the more your sensitivity opens, and the more you can handle feeling everything.

Let whatever cuts or hurts you touch you without leaving a wound. As a result, you will no longer feel the cuts, stop holding onto issues, or looking for something to fight and complain about. It is feeling without judging or drawing conclusions from your mind that make you vulnerable.

As soon as thinking invades into feeling, sensitivity is no longer clean, and everything that pierces or cuts you turns into a story that will take on a life of its own as you share it with others.

Let go of the dramas created by your mind, and embrace freedom and love through clean sensitivity.

Dancing from the Inside Out with Arielle Giordano Transformational Life Coach Award-Winning Author & Speaker, Professional Dancer. Arielle’s Award-Winning book for Best Self-Help Award: Dancing With Your Story From The Inside is available on http://www.Amazon.com. Her professional career includes the Lead Faculty Area Chairperson and Professor for the College of Humanities, History and the Arts at the University of Phoenix. She is a published co-author of Transform Your Life Books 1 & 2 and author for Tampa Bay Wellness, Conscious Shift & Transformation magazine. She has published her 4th book, an Instructor’s Manual for Barlow Abnormal Psychology 4th ed. and authored Psychology, A Journey 3rd.ed. Study Guide published

by Nelson Education, Toronto, ON. She has also studied philosophy at the College of Integrated Philosophy with John DeRuiter for twenty years. Arielle has been a featured guest on radio and television, in newspapers, and the media across the US and Canada. She is a certified Essentrics Stretch and Dance Instructor. Arielle offers coaching sessions, classes and workshops and a free 30-minute Consultation. Arielle’s new book Dancing with Your Story from the Inside Out is now available on http://www.Amazon.com. Websites: http://www.dancingfromtheinsideout.com, http://www.ariellegiordano.com. Email: agbeautifuldance@gmail.com

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Hope and Balance

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If finding hope in the darkness feels too uncertain, take a moment to practice a kind act for someone else.

By Jo Mooy The equinoxes, whether it’s spring or autumn, always trigger a sense of anticipation for me.

This seasonal change feels like something unborn is in the air just waiting to appear. I envision it like a high diver, who leaps from the edge of the platform, soars into the air, and pauses for a second. In that pause, during the moment of acceleration, the breath becomes still, the body defies gravity, and the only focus is the hope for a perfect dive before hurtling towards the water.

That dive is a metaphor for the condition humans currently inhabit. For two years, we’ve been in a groundless state. Battered by constant change and uncertainty, most people lost their minds and their balance. Lack of balance is a physiological state brought on by high or low blood pressure, by inner ear inflammation that causes dizziness, or by age. It becomes an emotional and psychic state that’s triggered by outside events that we believe are controlling us.

What happened? Exhaustion and frustration pushed us over the edge. With no control over the pandemic variants, masks, booster vaccines, jobs, rent prices, or anything that used to give a degree of sanity, we tipped over. A significant part of the population went crazy. Their short emotional fuses erupted in bad behavior over simple inconveniences, especially on airplanes.

Deteriorating human behavior relates to an experiment done on rats where a small number of them were placed in a large enclosure. The rats were perfectly fine. They had plenty of space to move around. Food was provided, their nests were clean, and they thrived. But as more rats were brought into the enclosure the space began to fill up, and they crowded in on each other. Soon, the rats were viciously attacking each other, even killing their mates and children.

Psychologists say the rat experiment shows how the pandemic’s constraints and limitations imposed on humans have caused a breakdown in civility and respect for one another. Patience has

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d­ isappeared. The thin veneer of social disciplines that usually monitor human behaviors cracked open and “the rats” went berserk.

So, is there an antidote to this behavior? The great Zen teacher Suzuki Roshi says “Surf the groundlessness and change the story of what you’re experiencing.

Trust in the process. In a disordered room there’s a universe of peace and harmony regardless of your perceptions. Disconnect from the disorder and sense the peaceful harmony residing within it.”

The Earth is in a unique balance point during March’s Vernal Equinox. Like the metaphorical dive, we must determine if our collective grief and disharmony can be stilled during this astronomical event. Can our species dissolve the out-of-balance behaviors and defy gravity?

Can we rise up above the petty limitations that drown our new year’s resolutions—the same resolutions where we promised to be better and live more harmoniously? Or will we continue the mad plunge into the watery abyss?

Rebalancing can be accomplished through hope.

That’s a clear antidote. Is there not hope when entomologists learn that the monarch butterfly population, which was nearing extinction, actually grew 3,500 percent in 2021? Or that a poll done after the New Year asked 5,000 people their views on the upcoming year, and for the first time, 46 percent said they were “hopeful.” This could be a sign of changing beliefs and expectations.

But, if finding hope in the darkness feels too uncertain, there’s one more remedy. In one of her last interviews before she died, Betty White was asked the secret to her long life. She said it was, “Kindness and consideration for somebody besides yourself.” In that space of harmony and peace amid the disorder, breathe in the glow of hope.

Let it govern your perceptions. Take a moment to practice a kind act for someone else. It doesn’t have to be something huge. In hope and kindness you’ll reemerge from the chaos much more grounded and in balance. Because, the snowflakes of hope will never fall in the wrong place.

They always exist in the harmony of expectation and love.

Conscious Living with Jo Mooy

Jo Mooy has studied with many spiritual traditions over the past 40 years. The wide diversity of this ­training allows her to develop spiritual seminars and retreats that explore inspirational concepts, give purpose and guidance to students, and present esoteric teachings in an understandable manner. Along with Patricia ­Cockerill, she has guided the Women’s Meditation Circle since January 2006 where it has been honored for five years in a row as the “Favorite Meditation” group in Sarasota, FL, by Natural Awakenings Magazine. Teaching and using Sound as a retreat healing practice, Jo was certified as a Sound Healer through Jonathan Goldman’s Sound Healing Association. She writes and publishes a monthly internationally distributed e-newsletter called Spiritual Connections and is a staff writer for Spirit of Maat magazine in Sedona. For more information go to http://www.starsoundings.com or email jomooy@gmail.com.

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Love Is Love

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Ehimetalor Akhere Unuabona

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“It doesn’t matter who you love, or how you love . . . but that you love”.

By Linda Commito How can we find a reason to celebrate love in our everyday lives?

How can we ignite a spark of openheartedness? We need more love in this world. Why not use this time as an opportunity to bring love and joy into our interactions with others, whether they are partners, friends, family, neighbors, coworkers, pets or total strangers.

If you believe, as I do, that there is never too much love in the world, then why not take it up a notch and spend a little more time and effort to bring love and happiness to others?

Sometimes, the simplest things can light up someone’s day—a card, a call, a hug (virtual or in person) or simply listening to another and letting them know: “you are appreciated.” The more that we lovingly touch someone else’s life, the more our hearts are opened, softened, filled with joy.

One of the reasons we love holidays like Valentine’s Day is that most of us enjoy being acknowledged

and cherished, and being able to express that to one another. So instead of focusing solely on that “special person” in our life, or being disappointed that we don’t have one, perhaps we could use EVERY DAY to open our hearts wider and let others know in our own unique ways that we care.

A friend CC shared: “At a time when I couldn’t find love, I decided to BE LOVE.” And she does that beautifully in her everyday life.

Love IS Love. To give, to share, to experience love is a gift. Humans have a wonderful capacity to express their open heartedness. So why do we limit who, why and how we can love another being? Why do some find it difficult to accept that we have different ways to open our hearts, to share our affections, to love who we love?

We should be able to do so without other people’s or society’s judgments.

Why should it matter what the color of someone’s skin, what religion, or what sex, when one’s heart is expansive in a way that is pure and simply LOVE. We don’t have enough of it in this world.

Let’s celebrate whoever and whatever can help us to open our hearts wide to love.

It is the best gift of all . . . to ourselves and to humanity.

Let’s love like there is no tomorrow!

Love is the New Currency with Linda Commito Linda Commito, author, speaker, entrepreneur, consultant and teacher, is passionate about her vision to leave this world a kinder, more loving, and interconnected place. Linda’s award-winning book of inspirational stories, Love Is the New Currency, demonstrates how we can each make an extraordinary difference in the lives of others through simple acts of love and kindness. Her latest project, the card game Just Ask 1 2 3, was inspired by a desire to ­connect people of all different ages, beliefs and lifestyles to share our individuality and find commonality. Linda also created “Kindness Starts with Me,” a program, book and website for children. For more information visit http://www.LoveistheNewCurrency.com or visit the Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/Justask123game.

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The Creation of Evolution

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Consciousness is necessary for natural selection and adaptation to occur.

By Owen Waters

Life is hard. Species can die.

In fact, the human race would have died long ago if it weren’t for the fact that our bodies are designed to adapt to a constantly changing environment.

Evolution could be called adaptation because the ability to adapt is the one feature that keeps all life upon Earth alive and functioning.

In the laboratory, it has been noted that a frog can be heated in a beaker of water to a degree that would normally be fatal, but it remains alive because it has had the time to adapt to the increasing temperature. Had the frog been suddenly exposed to water of such high temperature, it would have been unable to survive.

Charles Darwin, the pioneer of evolution theory, was a trained minister of religion as well as a naturalist. He thought long and hard about releasing his findings about the natural evolution of the species because he was keenly aware of the materialistic element in society that would use this information against religion. He was right, of course.

Others used his work to claim that there was no need for divine selection when natural selection occurs automatically. They have since gone on to claim that all life could have risen from prehistoric sludge completely by accident. What they don’t even begin to explain, however, is the existence of consciousness in all of this.

Consciousness is necessary for natural selection and adaptation to occur. If you move from a hot climate to a cold climate, you will adapt to the new environment, but first you had to have the consciousness to decide upon the move and make the adjustment.

What is consciousness? It is certainly more than a few electrical signals bouncing around inside a brain. Computers can mimic some limited aspects of the brain such as human logic, but they are not self-aware. There isn’t a computer in the world that

can think for itself. Computers just follow sets of preset rules, and they do so as quickly as possible.

Behind all forms of consciousness is awareness. A sense of being is fundamental to all life because all life is constructed from consciousness. Even a solid object like a rock is composed of original thought and original feeling set into motion. All of life is contained within the consciousness of the original Creator, including the prehistoric sludge from which the first biological cells were formed.

Materialistic science today is in a cul-de-sac. There is no way forward for branches of science that fail to include consciousness in their theories. Consciousness is the most fundamental aspect of life. You can’t have a universe without it.

Human beings were originally designed and then evolved within the framework of a conscious universe, one created and developed by the original Creator. It took billions of years for planets to form and biological life to emerge and evolve, but remember this: Time is a creation of the Creator.

The Creator does not have to wait billions of years to see a biological process emerge. Everything happens in the Now—just different parts of the tapestry of time, which the Creator sees as a whole.

The whole design, inception, development and evolution of the universe is happening right now, within that overview, as seen by the original Creator. A little tweak here and there along the timeline can produce a perfect rendition of any form of biological life.

Life is too interesting to create in one Big Bang and then just watch it unfold, as if on autopilot. Life is a work in progress, a true work of art, and the Creator has the ability to make adjustments at any point along the timelines.

Science today searches for answers, but what it really needs is a valid search path.

Life did not begin by accident. It began by design.

Those branches of science that include the presence of consciousness will find the answers that they seek when they include the existence of original consciousness and intelligent design in their search.

Spiritual Dynamics with Owen K. Waters Owen Water is a cofounder of the Spiritual Dynamics Academy and InfiniteBeing.com, where a where a free spiritual growth newsletter awaits you at https://www.InfiniteBeing.com. He is an international spiritual teacher who has helped hundreds of thousands of spiritual seekers to understand better the nature of their spiritual potential.

Owen’s life has been focused upon gaining spiritual insights through extensive research and the development of his inner vision. He has written a spiritual metaphysics newsletter since 2004 which empowers people to discover their own new vistas of inspiration, love and creativity. Spiritual seekers enjoy his writings for their clarity and deep insights. Contact Owen via email News@InfiniteBeing.com.

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Digital Ad Update

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By Jowanna Daley

Taking away the ability to protect sensitive data helps give power back to the consumers and minimizes Laws and guidelines always seem to lag behind exploiting people based on the marketer’s agenda. technology. At some point, though, laws are developed to protect consumers, and companies are also choosing to put guides in place to protect consumers.

For instance, Apple launched the iOS 14.5 updates, which gave iPhone users control of sharing inforThe best thing that happened to me as a conmation with advertisers. It was a win for consumers— sumer on platforms like Facebook was to opt-out of but it caused havoc for Facebook advertisers and left specific ads and choose what information I did not want them scrambling. Micro and solo companies that may to see from friends. That’s because Meta introduced not have understood how to advertise on Facebook features that allowed Facebook users to see fewer ads were also hit hard. For example, Facebook pixels, code on subjects like politics and alcohol. You also can now that you place on your website to collect data to track control more ad types like gambling and weight loss. conversions, from stopped working, and the events you It’s a win for consumers, but it, without a doubt, causes could capture (the actions taken by users on your web- challenges for advertisers. Let’s not kid ourselves, it besite) are now limited. comes more important to know your market and unMeta (the Facebook enterprise is now Meta; derstand marketing concepts. however, the platform is still called Facebook) has been making changes to what information it collects.

Some of these changes were done quietly, while others were announced.

As of February 19, 2022, Meta is removing some Facebook platform is not the only game of its ad targeting options and expanding the users’ abil- in town. Meta’s There are still effective ways to grow organically, ity to control what ads they see. Now let’s focus on the like blogging, networking, new changes, what it means for your advertising—and ing (it never went away). and using traditional marketwhat you can do to market effectively.

But Facebook is still a great place to advertise.

Some of my clients suffered before these rules mainly because they did not understand digital marketing or If you advertise on Facebook, you will find that business. The business startup phase is called startup beyou can refine who you want to see your ads in the “Au- cause you don’t know your business model yet. You are dience” section in ad set creation. For example, you may getting to know the company, and it starts with research want to target people interested in cooking and exclude and expands as you gain clients. The best information is college grads. Detailed targeting is an effective way to what you gather and what you already know. Here are zone in on your audience, especially if you know your effective ways to market on Facebook: customer base well.

• Advertise to people who have engaged with your In November, 2021, the company announced business (e.g., “Liked” your page or watched your it was removing detailed targeting options that users videos) viewed as sensitive. This includes restricting advertisers’ • Build lookalike audiences based on those you’ve ability to target people based on interests in causes, or­already gone through engagement with on your ganizations or public figures that relate to: facebook page or website.

Health (e.g., “World Lupus Day,” “Breast Cancer • Target people in your location ­Awareness,” “Insulin”) • Target existing customers by using an existing Race (“Black Lives Matter,” “Jewish Genealogy opt-in list Portal,” All Things Native American”) The wild cowboy days of digital marketing are bePolitical affiliation (“Republican”) hind us. Expect to see more changes in how advertisers Religion (“Jews with Jesus,” Catholic Church”) use consumer data, and, if you have questions, reach out Sexual orientation (“LGBTQ Community”) and ask: ask@jowanna.com.

WHAT ARE OTHER CONTROLS IN PLACE?

WHAT YOU CAN DO TO CONTINUE TO REACH YOUR AUDIENCE

AD TARGETING OPTIONS

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MARCH CONSIDERATIONS FOR YOUR CONTENT CALENDAR

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The unofficial holiday calendar is filled with days • that life coaches can utilize to share valuable information and increase sales. Look through this list and select a few • to build campaigns that connect with people.

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MARCH 1 Share a Smile Day is a fun holiday to encourage positivity and joy worldwide.

World Compliment Day is a day to let others know you ­appreciate them, which helps the world a happier place to be.

Zero Discrimination Day is a day to promote equality and recognize the progress made in achieving equality.

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MARCH 2 National Old Stuff Day is a day to clean out the house and donate things you are not using to charity.

Read Across America Day promotes literacy by encouraging people to read more often.

World Teen Mental Wellness Day raises awareness about mental health resources and lets teens know they are not alone.

MARCH 3 I Want You To Be Happy Day encourages people to do something to make them happy.

Simplify-Your-Life Day promotes balance and a ­better quality of life by remembering life’s reasons for existing, such as family, friends, ­happiness, and health.

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MARCH 4 Courageous Follower Day is an excellent day to ­encourage people to follow their dreams.

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MARCH 5 National Play Outside Day was created to ­encourage people to get out of the house and enjoy outdoor activities.

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MARCH 6 National Day of Unplugging encourages people to disconnect from technology and all things digital and reconnect with themselves, family, friends, and their communities.

MARCH 7 Fun Facts About Names Day is a day to celebrate your uniqueness and name. You can put a twist on it by talking about your brand.

National Be Heard Day encourages people to listen more, speak less, and understand the power of words.

MARCH 8 International Women’s Day is where we celebrate the achievements of women while also recognizing the need to fill the gender gap.

MARCH 9 Get Over It Day encourages people to get over their fears and anxieties.

National Panic Day is an annual holiday to bring awareness to life stressors and ways to minimize the impact of stress. Some celebrate by also making it okay to let out steam.

MARCH 10 Harriet Tubman Day celebrates the life of abolitionist and humanitarian Harriet Tubman.

International Day of Awesomeness is best celebrated by encouraging people to be awesome!

MARCH 11 Debunking Day is a fun holiday to poke holes in the myths or untruths that trigger you. You can also use it to educate people about urban myths.

Dream Day promotes a vision for a better world and how to achieve a better world.

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MARCH 12 Plant a Flower Day encourages people to beautify the Earth and their world by planting flowers at home or in public.

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MARCH 13 Good Samaritan Involvement Day shines a light on those who have helped people in need and inspires others to do the same.

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National Open an Umbrella Indoors Day challenges people to open an umbrella in the house and see if they suffer any bad luck. It’s a day to challenge this superstition and your mindset on why “bad” things happen.

MARCH 14 International Ask a Question Day sets out to change people’s views about questions and help encourage them to ask questions.

National Napping Day takes place the Monday after Daylight Savings begins. It encourages people to get extra rest to make up for losing an hour from the time change.

Write Your Story Day encourages people to share their uniqueness through their stories.

MARCH 15 National Everything You Think is Wrong Day is a day every life coach should honor. It’s a day to bring awareness that our opinions and beliefs can be wrong.

True Confession Day encourages people to offload the burden of keeping haunting secrets.

MARCH 16 Kick Butt’s Day was created as a day of a­ ctivism to speak out against “Big Tobacco.” It’s also a day to raise awareness of the benefits of kicking the smoking habit.

National Everything You Do Is Right Day encourages people to feel good about what they do and that things are fixable.

MARCH 17 St. Patrick’s Day is a day of celebration and festivities in Ireland and the United States (wear that green).

MARCH 18 Forgive Mom and Dad Day is to acknowledge the challenges in parenting. It encourages people to let go of the grudges they have against their parents so they can live happier and lighter lives.

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MARCH 19 Let’s Laugh Day is a fun holiday that encourages people to laugh. It’s a great day to remind people why laughter is the best medicine.

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MARCH 20 World Storytelling Day encourages people worldwide to celebrate the art of listening to and telling stories.

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MARCH 21 Act Happy Day encourages people to act as if they are happy. Life coaches can use this holiday to show people how they hold power to ­realize ­happiness (now).

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National Memory Day encourages people to exercise their memory muscles and debunks the myth that you can do nothing to improve your memory.

MARCH 22 National Goof Off Day is a day where people are encouraged to goof off and have fun.

MARCH 23 National Organize Your Home Office is a day of action that encourages people to organize their home office. Encourage people to share ideas on making their home office more organized.

MARCH 24 International Day for Achievers is a day to celebrate the achievements of people who have overcome adversity and achieved success.

MARCH 26 Be Mad Day raises awareness about mental health and encourages people to speak up about their feelings.

Live Long and Prosper Day encourage people to consider the Vulcan blessing and see how they can apply it to their lives. Star Trek fans need no explanations.

Solitude Day is a perfect day to encourage people to reflect on their lives and appreciate the benefits of alone time.

Walk in the Sand Day is a great day to share the benefits of walking in the sand (alone or with friends) and enjoying nature.

MARCH 27 Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day celebrates country music and the unique way of telling stories.

The lyrics and the titles can be heartbreaking and funny simultaneously.

MARCH 28 National Hot Tub Day promotes self-care by encouraging time away from daily stressors by enjoying a fun day alone or with loved ones in the hot tub.

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National Triglycerides Day raises awareness of the importance of a healthy lifestyle to minimize the risk of cardiovascular disease.

Virtual Advocacy Day is a day where various advocacy groups go to Capital Hill to raise awareness and support for their cause. Since the pandemic, this day is now virtual.

MARCH 29 National Mom and Pop Business Owners Day celebrate small business owners by showing appreciation for people who work tireless hours to serve their community.

Smoke and Mirrors Day focuses on celebrating and being aware of things that arent’ as they appear. The term “smoke and mirrors” is a rich [magical] history that leaves how to approach this quirky holiday up to YOUR imagination.

MARCH 30 Grass is Always Browner on the Other Side of the Fence is a day to show appreciation for what you have and do something for someone else.

National I am in Control Day encourages people to evaluate their lives and take control by a­ ssessing what things are within their control. It also is a day where the then Secretary of State, Alexander Haig, famously told the press, “I am in control, “after John Hinckley, Jr. shot President Ronald Regan.

Pencil Day is a day to honor the pencil though it has been replaced other writing and digital writing tools.

Take a Walk in the Park Day encourages people to get out and enjoy nature.

Virtual Vacation Day is a day where you can spend time in the metaverse going on a virtual vacation without leaving your home or office.

MARCH 31 World Backup Day is an international m ­ ovement to make people aware of the importance of ­backing up data.

The Daley Word with Jowanna Daley Jowanna is a business and personal coach, consultant, freelance blogger, and personal brand photographer. ­Jowanna uses her 20-plus years of business, information technology, business analysis, and project management experience to serve solopreneurs, microbusinesses, and professionals through consulting, coaching, training, and workshops. She is also a freelance blogger who serves corporate and non-corporate clients. Visit her website at https://www.jowannadaley.com/about/.

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Who Needs Need? The Seventh Pathway

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By Gregg Sanderson Now just a doggone minute here. Does this mean I go around dumping on my friends and pouring my heart out to strangers? I have enough trouble with my friends when they dump their troubles on me.

No, that is not what it means. Aren’t you relieved? The key words here are “...being willing...” It’s for situations like: “What’s the matter?”—“Nothing” “Are you OK?—“I’m fine.”

Silence.—with or without accusing glare.

Situations like this where silence puts up a wall can be a great love extinguisher. That’s one level of separation the Seventh Pathway talks about, and that wall is usually built on fear.

Are you afraid of hurt feelings—maybe yours?

Are you afraid of an argument?

Are you afraid it might change things?

Are you afraid to be vulnerable?

Sometimes silence can be a matter of discretion, as in, “Do these jeans make me look fat?” or “How did you like the casserole?” or “Are you really going to vote for that idiot?”

But when it comes to feelings, discretion is not your friend, and that’s where this Pathway comes in.

“I open myself genuinely...” with a clear intent to share what’s going on with me, without trying to manipulate, dominate, or castigate you. “...by being willing to fully communicate my deepest feelings...” my feelings—not my opinions, judgments, or complaints.

“...since hiding in any degree keeps me stuck...” and I can’t grow fonder, grow larger, or grow up. “...in my illusion of separateness from other people.” We call it closeness, oneness, and love. You’re never actually separate, but can create one heck of an illusion if you bury your feelings.

Many say lack of communication is the main problem in relationships. I contend that lack of communication is a symptom of the main problem. What is the main problem? I’m glad you asked.

The main problem in any relationship is to need the other person to be different from the way he or she is. When you operate from need, you never stop trying and they never change.

When you use the Seventh Pathway, you can communicate your preference and “Yes” or “No” will be an OK answer. Then it’s easy to ask for what you want, because it isn’t backed by fear.

Your deepest feeling is always love, and once you connect with your love, it’s easier to talk about the stuff that gets in the way of it. When you talk from a position of need, though, your fears appear real and communication suffers.

The next question to arise is, “How do I handle it when people share their predicaments, perceptions, or pain with me?”

We have the Eighth Pathway for that, and we’ll talk about that next month.

Author’s Note: The Twelve Pathways are from the Handbook to Higher Consciousness by Ken Keyes, Jr. Whenever you feel any unpleasant emotions, the Pathways will lead you back.

Happiness is BS with Gregg Sanderson

Gregg Sanderson, one of our long-time contributors, passed to spirit in September 2021, and we are continuing the 12 Pathways Series in his honor. He also authored Spirit with a Smile and The World According to BOB. During his life, he was a licensed practitioner in the Centers for Spiritual Living and a Certified Trainer for Infinite Possibilities. His earlier books include What Ever Happened to Happily Ever After? and Split Happens—Easing the Pain of Divorce.

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We believe that self-employment is the ultimate form of empowerment. Our mission is to bring you guests whose powerful entrepreneurship stories and real-world advice will give you the inspiration and tools to create a business and life that you love.

Listen on our website or your favorite podcast app or watch the video version on our YouTube channel.

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The Ego as a Spiritual Scapegoat

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A Jungian perspective on why we need to rethink and honor ego.

By Kandace Hawley Throughout my years of doing yoga, reading Eckhart Tolle, and participating in all sorts of spiritual traditions, I have often heard that the ego is the ultimate villain of my mind, that it’s responsible for every single negative thought or feeling that I have.

I have been told that the ego’s only concern is self-preservation and survival. It’s responsible for maintaining the “I” as the center of my existence. It sits tall and pretty in its delusions, and its agenda is to make me feel small and untrusting—all in an effort to keep me safe and preserve my existence. Therefore, the spiritual goal (as I was told) is to minimize or do away with ego all together.

Now, while I think the ego deserves some of its vilification, I know it doesn’t deserve all of it. Yes, it is true that the ego is concerned with survival and self-preservation and, with that, it’s often overzealous in its efforts to keep us safe. But to blame it as a source of all internal negativity maybe taking it too far. After years of doing Jungian analysis, I have discovered that the roots of many of my negative thoughts, patterns, and feelings is not the malicious ego; rather, the tendrils stem from personal experiences, trauma, and inner archetypal realities. For example, during times when I feel triggered or angry at a particular person, it’s not because my ego is just doing its

villain thing; it’s indicative of an emotional sore spot that’s crying out from my depths for attention.

According to Carl Jung, the founder of analytical psychology, the ego is the center of consciousness.

It straddles between the conscious and unconsciousness, and it dictates what goes where. Think about it this way. The ego is a necessary container so that you can be a you. Without the walls and boundaries of the ego, you’d feel like everything and nothing at the same time. And yes, while this does create separation, where I feel separate from you, it’s also necessary to the human existence. Imagine being consciously aware of every single part of you, all the way down to each individual cell. It’s a maddening thought, isn’t it?

However, one of the reasons why the ego has such a bad reputation is that in its role as the executive, the ego can get too powerful, thinking that it’s the be-all of consciousness, that it’s the one running the show. Yet, we all know this is not true. It’s actually a tiny rider on a much larger and much more powerful elephant. The elephant in this case being our unconscious.* Jungian psychology says that neurosis is a symptom of a misalignment between our ego and the unconscious. In other words, the rider and the elephant are not getting along, and specifically, the rider is either ignorant of the elephant beneath it,

or it is trying to steer the elephant in ways it doesn’t want to go. This sort of ego dominance never bodes well for the individual and part of the spiritual quest for Jungians is to align the ego with the unconscious, or in other words, to align the rider with the elephant so that they work together. And to do that, we have to bring unconscious material to consciousness—and that process involves the healing light of the ego awareness.

The ultimate goal here is not to “reduce” ego. Rather, it is to shift us away from ego dominance and strengthen the ego so that it can contain the forces of the unconscious. In the beginning, as riders, we first realize that we are supported by a much larger force, and it can be painful. But over time, we learn how to understand, listen, and respect that force. We realize that there is no controlling the elephant, only working with it so that over time we can help contain, steer, and harness its sheer power and force for a greater purpose. This process requires both surrender and strength from us.

In other words, it requires that the ego abdicates its tyrannical throne to serve something greater than itself.

However, as mentioned, this process does not happen without pain. Those who have gone through a spiritual awakening know the shattering pain the ego experiences when it realizes that it’s not the totality of consciousness—that it’s just a rider on an 39

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elephant. All of this can be very disorienting and devastating. It can feel something like this: Imagine you’re dancing on stage and the world is your audience.

Then all of a sudden, you look up and you see that your limbs are suspended by strings and it’s not you that’s controlling your movements; rather, it’s a puppet master. Then you realize that you were never a dancer. You were always a puppet. This is often when people lose connection with who they thought they were and what they thought their lives were about. This bruising of the ego is part of the pain many experience when they awaken spiritually.

On the upside, this is all part of the ego’s role in healing. The process brings things out of the darkness into the light of consciousness so that we can become whole. Yet, there is no “coming to consciousness” without ego, for it contains all that we know and all that we are aware of. Therefore, we do not reduce the ego as the end goal. We actually strengthen it so that it can contain more of the self, or more of our soul.

So what do you think? Does the ego deserve its villain status? Or have we used it as our spiritual scapegoat? *Author’s note: The analogy of the rider and the elephant was inspired

by Jonathan Haidt’s work in The Righteous Mind where he unpacks and explains the relationship between two systems of human cognition/psychology.

Kandace Sheri Hawley is an educator and writer who believes that every individual holds the key to their own truth. Her overall aim is to enable people on their own path to self-realization and discovery. She runs a podcast called “En Soma,” where she combines her academic background in education with her studies in Jungian Theory from GAP, along with her years of experience in analysis to share perspectives on spirituality, philosophy, society, and existence in general. You can find her at http://www.ensomapodcast.com.

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