& welcome back to 'Create with Rebecca' , a page where I will be talking ALL things social media! (yaaaaaaay!). This column will be especially helpful for those in business looking to navigate the world of social media for their business I will be simplifying EVERYTHING as well as giving my top tips
Oh, by the way... I can edit videos, advise you on social media & create a new vibe for your brand! (Aka video editor, social media consultant & graphic designer) - so I know what I'm
talking about!
This week I am talking about comp ter if you use social media for business
'Comparison is the theif of joy' is s t painfully true And, when it comes to social media, it is something we AL ng yourself to anything you see online, whether that is the beauty of someo urite influencer or the business success of your competition All of these things are carefully curated no matter how 'real' someone or something comes across You should ALWAYS assume that something is curated and therefore can not be compared to your current reality
Of course that is a lot easier said than done, but it all comes down to one thing your mindset Why? Because essentially, how you view something or someone will dictate your reaction, what is inspiring to others might cause a feeling of being less than to you... why? Because of your mindset. When you see an image of someone who looks 'perfect' - whatever that means - online, instead of automatically assuming they have somehow been genetically blessed, think realistically do they have access to certain procedures that alter their image? do they photoshop? both of these are completely realistic yet for some reason, it is easier to just compare and think of ourselves as less than
The same applies to a business, just because another business similar to yours is doing well, doesn't mean you can't also have that success. It also does not mean that you are behind in any way shape or form. It simply means that your path isn't identical to theirs, which is normal
The sooner we all start working on our own mindsets and controlling how and what kind of content we take in daily, the less we will be affected negatively by social media.
For more information on what I do or if you are interested in any of my social media service: I offer 1:1 consultation calls, video editing, graphic design and more, you can follow @create.socialmedia on instagram or email me: createtralee@gmail.com to book a call!
WHAT’S HAPPENING IN TRALEE
Photos by John Cleary
ABOVE: Bewleys Annual Coffee Morning for Kerry Hospice. The 2021 launch took place on the grounds of Kerry Hospice to-day Thursday 2nd September. The Coffee Morning will commence on the 23rd September. Anybody who is interested in doing a coffee morning can contact the Kerry Hospice Office on 066/7119070 or by email info@kerryhospice. com to arrange your coffee collection. Traditionally this has been a major fundraising event for Kerry Hospice and once again we hope this year that everybody will support our event. All funds raised in Kerry stays in Kerry.
from left Aine Moriarty CNM 2, Lisa King CNM 1, Jean Browne RGN, Evelyn Doody KHF, Mary Nolan, Health Care Assistant, and Mary Shanahan Secretary Kerry Hospice Foundation.
ABOVE: Joining the Todd O'Donoghue Memorial Walk on Saturday in aid of the Palliative Care Unit, from left Donal Brosnan, Danny Walsh, Ruth Murphy, Mary and Andrea O'Donoghue PRO Kerry Hospice Foundation, Therese Greaney, Niamh Collins and Sarah Greaney, not forgetting Norrie and Bella ignoreing the Camera.
ABOVE: Arriving in Glenbeigh, Richard Cleary, Tralee, competing in The Kerry Way Ultra Marathon in a 200km non stop endurance race which sees the participant's travel the MacGillycuddy's Reeks and Iveragh Peninsula on Ireland's longest trail route. The race began at 06.00am on Friday morning and finished in less than 40 hours in Killarney, Saturday evening for most competitors.
Photo
ABOVE: The Minister of Education Norma Foley TD pictured on a visit to Flemby NS on Wednesday and photographed with teachers and Junior room. Front row left Sarah Leonard, Oisín McKeane, Evan Sheehy, Olivia laide, Robyn Costello and Evan McGovern. Second row left Mary Bradley, Katie Laide, Donnacha Roche, Rosanna McGrath and Grace Leonard. Back row left BettyLynch SNA, Deputy Principal Fiona Ryle teacher, The Minister for Education Norma Foley TD, Principal Paul Roche teacher and Vanessa Foley, teacher.
ABOVE: Supporting the Todd O'Donoghue Memorial Walk in aid of Kerry Hospice Palliative Care Unit that began from Blennerville Windmill on Saturday, from left Mary O'Donoghue, Ita O'Donnell and Mary Hayes.
ABOVE: Emily Lynch, Tonevane, with her children Faye, Olivia, Thev and Jack Lynch, pictured with Andrea O'Donoghue PRO Kerry Hospice, organiser of Todd O'Donoghue Walk in aid of the Palliative Care Unit.
ABOVE: Taking part in the Todd O'Donoghue Memorial Walk on Saturday from Blennerville Windmill, in aid of the Palliative Care Unit. From left Mary O'Donoghue, Shelia Greaney, Mary Bowler and Michael Greaney.
ABOVE: James O'Connor, Lohercannon, supporting the Todd O'Donoghue Memorial Walk in aid of Kerry Hospice Palliative Care Unit that began from Blennerville Windmill on Saturday.
Ryles Remedies by Mike and Gráinne Ryle
Hi Mike,
We are going on a short holiday next week to Spain, what would you recommend we bring with us to treat minor ailments??
Louise Hay Weekend!
Foreign travel has become quite tricky in the current climate, so it's more important than ever to be well organised before you go. I'd advise bringing a little medicines bag, to help you to self-treat in case of any minor illness such as upset stomach, insect bites etc..
If you’re lucky enough to be jetting off, I’d recommend including:
• Mosquito spray: insect bites can be very uncomfortable so prevention is best.
• Antihistamines: ideal for treating all bites, stings or allergies.
• Hydrocortisone cream: a mild topical steroid cream to help reduce the itch and inflammation caused by stings or bites, also great for bad sunburn
• Motilium for stomach upset: not suitable for people on certain heart medicines so check with your friendly pharmacist first (hopefully that's Gráinne or myself!)
• Imodium to help treat diarrhoea.
• Dioralyte sachets. Recommended for rehydration following sickness/diarrhoea. Dehydration from an indulgent night out causes headache and dry mouth, so Dioralyte is the ideal cure for this too.
Antigen Tests: Even for those who are double vaccinated, you may be required to produce a recent antigen test for travel (typically valid for 48-72 hours). At Ryles we can perform this test for you and generate an EU Digital Covid Certificate (DCC) for those who receive a negative result. The test is very quick, and results and certificate given within 15 minutes. We offer this service on a walk-in basis and costs €40. We only perform this test for people intending to travel, who are symptom free and have not been in close contact of Covid-19.
We also have a large stock of home antigen tests for self-testing.
What topics would you be interested to read about in Ryles Remedies? Let us know on Instagram, Facebook, by phone on 066-7124701, or on Whatsapp 087-7722966
ONSALENOW
John Cleary’s new book
Picture Tells A Story’
available in the following shops: O’Mahony’s Bookshop, Polymath’s Bookshop, Kerry Bookshop, Rock Street, Paudie Commane’s Bookshop Rock Street, Cleary’s Photography, Russell Street Tralee, Quality Framing, Matt Talbot Road, Tralee.
Bricks n’ Mortar...
Tommy’s current market outlook...
THERE IS HOPE…
Following the release of the government’s “Housing for All” plan there is plenty of reasons for optimism that supply levels of housing will increase in the near future. There are several points in the plan which will help but having looked at all I feel that rental stock levels as opposed to sales stock will increase to a higher degree, particularly in towns such as Tralee. The following are the
points that grab my attention the most and which I feel are most achievable and can be implanted most easily…
The commonly referred to, ‘Unfair Deal’ scheme could finally become what it was intended to be - the ‘Fair Deal’ scheme as it is proposed to allow owners to rent the home without penalty and this will surely result in a considerable increase of homes to the rental market. In most cases those availing of the Fair Deal Scheme own a 3 or 4 bedroom homes which is excellent news for those looking to rent a decent size family home.
Under the Croí Cónaithe (Towns) Fund section planning exemptions for above shop conversion is proposed.
Given Tralee has a staggering number of vacant units above shops the owners of such units will be thrilled to hear that
the timeframe and associated planning costs of converting these units is set to be drastically reduced.
Time is money so by reducing the time, the cost of converting these units will be reduced. Again it is likely this measure will result in rental stock levels increasing as from my experience, in Dublin, where this has been successful, 90% of these units were rented when complete. Owners of such units should now feel that they possess an asset and not a liability and if considering selling properties of this type, with potential accomodation above ground floor, they should feel confident that there will be market demand for the property.
Under the same section of the plan it is envisaged that the Council will make serviced sites available at a reduced cost. This has the potential to
give many young families the chance to build their homes similar to back in the 70’s and 80’s when council sites were sold at affordable rates and it was very successful at the time.
This benefited many throughout Tralee at the time in many areas including Caherslee and Oakpark.
This is a measure which will help those looking to buy.
The main hinderance to the plan is building costs at present, coupled with the timeframes involved
Speak soon, hopefully. Tommy
Housing Minister Opens New Tralee Homes
It was a busy itinerary for the Minster for Housing, Local Government and Heritage, Mr Darragh O’Brien TD on Monday as he visited numerous projects and developments in Tralee, Farranfore, Barraduff, Rathmore and Killarney. Chief among the events on the agenda was the official opening by Minister O’Brien and Minister for Education
Norma Foley TD of the new €3.8m 20-unit social housing development in Rathmore, Láthair na Mánach and the official opening of An Carrigín, a 28-unit social housing development in Tralee which involved an investment of €5m. Minister O’Brien also toured the Island of Geese site in Tralee as well as the Áras Phádraig site in Killarney which are currently being developed by Kerry County Council. Speaking during his visit, Minister O’Brien said: “I was delighted to visit
County Kerry and to see firsthand the number of housing projects which are currently in development. Having just launched ‘Housing for All’, the Government’s new housing plan for Ireland, it’s particularly exciting to see a wide range of projects which will provide much needed homes for people.
It was also important for me to visit Farranfore and to reaffirm Government’s commitment to the investment in water services infrastructure in Kerry. There are numerous water and wastewater projects at various stages of development all across Kerry which I know people are dependent on. The funding provided by my Department under the Urban Regeneration and Development Fund (URDF) is helping to further enhance the offering of both Killarney and Tralee, two fantastic towns with a huge tourism offering.
All in all it was a great trip to the ‘Kingdom’ and I am looking forward to coming back to see even more progress on the projects currently in train.”
“With the announcement by the Minister on Thursday of the government’s new Housing for All Programme, we are confident that the work that Kerry County Council is
carrying out in relation to the provision of social housing will continue to grow. I am also delighted that Minister O’Brien was able to see the progress of the significant URDF projects in Tralee and Killarney and their potential impact and that these will continue to be supported.”
Children and young people from diverse backgrounds get creative for Culture Night this year
Kerry Local Creative Youth Partnership at Kerry ETB has announced a list of online and live events for Culture Night. The events take place locally and nationally on Friday 17th September next.
Now in its fifteenth year, Culture Night provides a wide range of free creative and cultural experiences that are family friendly.
This year, Kerry Local Creative Youth Partnership is working with providers of services to children and young people to ensure Culture Night reaches into the heart of communities across Kerry.
Collaborating with the Arts Office at the County Council who co-ordinate Culture Night locally, Kerry LCYP is delighted to announce seven key events which are guided by the participants themselves and feature children and young people of all ages.
“The Culture Night programme represents all that is positive and unique about creativity and its role in the lives of our children and young people. We are delighted at Kerry ETB to see the LCYP highlight young voices that are highly creative across our county”, stated Seamus Whitty, Youth Development Officer at Kerry ETB.
Working with Deirdre Enright, Co-Ordinator of Kerry LCYP, the following organisations are actively participating in the night: Me + The Moon with children and young people from international communities in Tralee and Killarney, St. John of Gods Kerry Services with young people of diverse abilities, Kenmare Family Resource Centre with young people participating in youth dance and movement; Maine Valley Family Resource Centre with children from Castlemaine and surrounds, St. John’s Theatre & Arts Centre with their young adult Theatrix Project, Inspired Tralee with young people of mixed abilities, Tara Donoghue Photography, working with children and young people and special educational needs. The work features digital time
capsules, dance videos, youth photography, culinary art, food design, visual art, music videos, exhibition display, film screenings and theatre.
All events are featured on @kerrylcyp and on www. kerryetb.ie/creativity as well as on the Culture Night website www.culturenight.ie See social media @kerrylcyp
@culturenight @kerrycoarts @ artscouncilireland. For more information on individual events email denright@kerryetb.ie
| A kerry building conservation project |
FREETOURS
The Kerry Building Conservation Project is an ongoing project to celebrate Kerry’s rich built heritage and to deepen our connection to this heritage As part of Architecture Kerry 2021, Kerry County Council with the support of the Trustees of Muckross House, will host a Traditional Skills and Crafts event at Muckross Traditional Farms on Friday 24th and Saturday 25th September 2021 from 1.00pm to 6.00pm.
Muckross Traditional Farms preserves in real life the farming traditions of rural Ireland in the past, where you can learn about traditional crafts and skills from practitioners in an inviting, comfortable setting.
Please come along if you would like to learn about:
• Thatching
• Dry Stone Walling
• Lime Plastering
• Blacksmithing and Furniture Making from local Kerry crafts people
This event will be of particular interest to owners, custodians of traditional buildings in Kerry, conservation practitioners and building professionals who work with traditional buildings in Kerry
Author Claudia Kinmoth (Irish Country Furniture and Furnishings) will attend on Friday 24th September.
This event is funded by the Heritage Council and supported by Kerry County Council and the Trustees of Muckross House
Employing Young People
This summer a lot of young people will be taking up summer jobs for the first time, particularly in the hospitality and retail sectors. This can lead to parents or the young people themselves having a range of questions in relation to their employment rights and entitlements.
Speaking about the employment of young people, Frances Clifford, Kerry Citizens Information Manager, said that some young people may be starting work for the first time and while it can be exciting, it can also be a daunting prospect if they are unsure of their rights and entitlements. She added that sometimes employers are unclear about their responsibilities in relation to employing young people also. It is important that people are aware that staff at the local Citizens Information Service are there to provide support and to answer any questions that may arise for either employers, young people or their parents.
Q. My daughter wants to take on a summer job. As she is only 14 years old, I would like to know if there are limits to the number of hours that she can work?
A. Children aged 14 or over may do light work during the school holidays where the hours do not exceed 7 in any day or 35 in any week. Children aged 15 may do 8 hours a week light work in school term time. The maximum working week for children aged 15 outside school term time is 35 hours, or up to 40 hours if they are on approved work experience.
Q. Is the situation different for my son who is aged 16?
A. The maximum working week for young people aged 16 and 17 is 40 hours, with a maximum of 8 hours a day. If a young person under 18 works for more than one employer, the combined daily or weekly hours of work cannot exceed the maximum number of hours allowed. Young persons are only permitted to work between 6am and 10pm.
Q. Can young people be asked to work late in the evening?
A. In general, young people aged 16 and 17 are not allowed to work before 6am in the morning or after 10pm at night. Employers may not require children aged 14 and 15 to work before 8am in the morning or after 8pm at night.
Q. Do parents have to give their permission for their child to take up a summer job?
A. If the young person is under 16, the employer must get the written permission of the child's parent or guardian. In general, employers must see a copy of the young person's birth certificate, or other evidence of their age, before employing them.
Q. What rates of pay are there for young people?
A. Since 1 January 2021, the national minimum wage is €10.20 per hour. This does not mean that everyone is automatically entitled to receive this. Young people aged under 18 are only guaranteed up to 70% of the national minimum wage, which is €7.14 per hour. Your employer can pay you more than the minimum wage if they want, but you should be aware that they are not required to do so by law.
Q. How do I avoid paying emergency tax?
A. When you start your first job, you should tell Revenue as soon as possible, or you may have to pay emergency tax. They will send a Revenue
Bumblebee 1000 charity run which finished in Killarney on Sunday evening. Pics
by: Raymond Corkery
payroll notification (RPN) to your new employer. The RPN will tell your employer how much Income Tax and Universal Social Charge (USC) to deduct from your pay.
Q. What is the situation in relation to tips?
A. If you are working in a workplace where staff are given tips and gratuities by customers (such as a restaurant, bar, etc.) there is nothing in law to state you are automatically entitled to these tips. However, the law does not require you to hand these tips to your employer either. Instead, it all depends on the custom and practice in your workplace. If all tips are collected by management and paid to staff through the payroll, then these tips are subject to tax in the normal way.
If you need further information contact Citizens Information Service in Tralee on 0761 07 7860. The offices are staffed from 10am - 4pm from Monday to Friday. Alternatively you can email on tralee@citinfo.ie or log on to www.citizensinformation.ie
AND NOW FOR THE GOOD NEWS...
from The Tralee Advertiser Team and Tralee Chamber Alliance
Great news!
Siamsa Tíre is finally reopening its doors for live events and has just announced a glittering autumn/winter programme, jam packed with a host of unmissable theatre, dance, music, art, and storytelling events.
Throughout September, Turas – the theatre’s inhouse production– will take centre stage. So will the Folk Homecoming Exhibition, telling the story of how Siamsa Tíre came to be and the role it’s played in preserving and promoting folk culture here in Kerry.
Things heat up from midSeptember with a special series of performances planned for the ever popular Culture Night on September 17.
Youngsters are in for a treat on October 23 when Siamsa Tíre launches A Way Home/Slí
Abhaile, a major art exhibition for children featuring works by 20 renowned children’s book illustrators. It tells the tale of two young siblings’ adventures on Halloween night and was specially written by Kerry children’s author, Olivia Hope.
In October, it’s time to take your seats ladies and gentlemen, with two acclaimed plays to look forward to. The first, A Wilde Fan (Fri Oct 1) presented by Bottom Dog Theatre Company, features award-winning actor Myles Breen, one of Oscar Wilde’s biggest fans. This one-man show is his personal and theatrical take on the infamous artist.
The second play (Fri Oct 9) is Eugene O’Brien’s awardwinning drama Eden (O’Brien wrote Pure Mule) and is staged by Decadent Theatre Company. Expect humour, honesty and a touch of heartache.
For lovers of modern dance, there’s Dances For Inside and Outside (Sat Oct 16), preformed by The Irish Modern Dance Theatre and featuring dancers from Ireland, Angola, Poland, France, and Ethiopia. The show reflects our tentative hold on life, our need to be together, and the importance of sharing joy (extra important
these days.)
Monday, October 25, marks the official beginning of Siamsa Tíre’s Samhain Festival, which includes all sorts of exciting events for children. I am Baba will bring the tiniest visitors on a magical journey of song, lights, and textures, while children aged nine and upwards will enjoy Alice and the Wolf, scheduled for October 26 and 27. This Barnstorm Theatre Company production is a darkly funny re-telling of Little Red Riding Hood and follows a little girl as the people she plays games with online come searching for her in real life. One of them may just be the Big Bad Wolf!
Spooky Halloween stories, anyone? Absolutely! On Saturday October 30, storyteller Eddie Lenihan will
enthral audiences with some tales of ghosts and gore. Children from the National Folk Theatre Training Academy and Choir will also perform and there’ll be a series of arts workshops for old and young alike.
And that’s just the next two months! The rest of the year promises circus performances, operatic masterpieces, and even an ABBA tribute show. But that’s a story for another day.
Please note: Because restrictions still apply, all events (even free ones) are ticketed. To avoid disappointment, book your tickets in advance at www. siamsatire.com or by calling the box office on 066 7123055.
Bit of a refurb happening in Stork furniture?
Happiest of Birthdays Eileen from Marry & Joe Tarbert and your co worker Helena, Maura and Carole
Dates: Thursday 9th & Friday 10th September
Time: 10am to 4pm each day
Location: Garvey's Supervalu, Tralee
Not able to join us on those days?
Register for regular updates at NBI ie Or get the latest details on 0818 624 624
"Fantastic takeaway, great to see something new in Town"....... Felix
"The flavours are amazing"..........................................................Aisling
"The Doner Kebab with Rice... I highly recommend"...............Monica
"Very very good Coffee... I'll be back" .......................................Marcin
"Dont miss their fresh Turkish baklava dessert " .....................Carita
A few Cycling Tips before the Kerry Samaritans and Kerry Hospice Foundations Charity ride(Oct 9th)
Here are a few cycling tips from seasoned cyclist Michael Mannix as you prepare for the Kerry Samaritans and Hospice Charity Ride on Oct 9TH. The cycle commences from John Mitchels GAA Complex Tralee at 9am on Saturday Oct 9th ...Places are still available as bookings are coming both from Cycling clubs all over Munster as well and individuals and small groups just looking forward to joining in, on what
must be one of the first Social cycles back on the Calendar . To register simply go to https://www.eventbrite.ie/e/ kerry-samaritans-and-kerryhospice-foundation-chartickets-155658702369 or for more information contact me Michael Mannix 0870512454
Group Riding tips
Fear of riding in a group is a worry for some new cyclists
who took up riding during the height of the pandemic. Cycling in a group is one of the greatest joys in cycling. If you are fearful or anxious about cycling in a group, here are a few steps you can take to reduce or eliminate those fears.The first step is to have confidence in your own handling skills. If you struggle with cornering, braking, descending, riding a straight line, and reaching for a water bottle or into your jersey pockets when you are on your own, those situations can be even more intimidating in a group
If you are terrified of touching another cyclist the best way to learn better handling skills is to cycle with a more experienced rider or a group of cyclists and practice riding side by side. This is also a good time to cycle behind and close to, and in front of comfortably.When you are at the front ensure to call out potholes ,cars coming.
'10 Years in Croker ?'... Yes Please!
St Senans GAA Club recently announced their ambitious new development plan for their playing facilities in Mountcoal, Listowel, Co Kerry. But not nearly as ambitious as their plan to pay for it. all €200,000 of it!
They want to build a Full Size Juvenile, all weather sandcarpet pitch, upgrade their floodlights to LED, New Perimeter Fencing and Dug Outs, Goal Posts and Ball Stop Nets.
Their main fundraiser is a new and innovative idea , the like of which hasn't been seen before ! Launched last Monday on Kerry Radio by the great Micheal O’Muircheartaigh, it is called ’10 Years in Croker’. A unique online draw for 2 x 10 Year Croke Park Premium Tickets.This is a 27 grand prize , yes €27000 ! Tickets are limited to 7499 and cost €25 euro each.So that's every game , every event at Croke Park for 10 years , you can be there ! There is also an early bird draw for all tickets bought before 31st October. There are 2 prizes, 2 x 2022 Football All
Ireland Tickets and overnight accommodation and 2 x 2022 Hurling All Ireland Tickets and overnight accommodation. Chairperson of the ‘10 Years in Croker’ Fundraising Committee, Alan Doran said ‘so far the feedback has been extremely positive.
We are a small rural football club in North Kerry. Our juvenile numbers are going from strength to strength. We have a hard working and committed group of Officers and Coaches. All their hard work is coming to fruition now as we are successful at all age groups. Our ladies club Finuge/St Senans also are producing great numbers and results. This fundraiser will help us to provide the facilities that all these underage players deserve.
We are getting phone calls and emails from GAA fans around the globe looking to buy our tickets and they are only delighted to promote and support our unique initiative. We have signs going out to all corners of Ireland. Our social media is being shared all across the globe. We are
Any potential problem
Many cyclists get scared away from groups because their first experience is with a large group of strangers. In our upcoming event, Kerry Samaritans and Hospice Charity Ride on Oct 9TH you can practice your new skills in a safe environment and enjoy one of our excellent routes .To get more comfortable and confident
cycling in groups you need to challenge yourself and get out of your comfort zone. But on your own terms. Accidents can happen when one is working too hard.. Backing off the wheel ahead of you might annoy the person behind you, but it is better than having an incident.
confident that we can bring this very valuable project to completion, of which it will be a tremendous benefit to all who use it.’Club Chairperson, Aidan Behan would like to acknowledge and thank all the people who signed up to the St Senan’s lifetime membership and 10 year membership schemes, corporate signs and especially those who support
the main income for the club, the Senans weekly lotto.
To purchase a ticket, scan the QR Code on our posters or log on to https://pallaslotteries.ie/ product/10-years-in-croker/
You can also find 10 Years In Croker on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Michael Mannix
For all bookings contact Clea 087 1545251
Clea holds a BSc (Hons) Degree in Her alth and Leisure with Massage and is fully vaccinated 2 Maine Street, Tralee, Co. Kerry. V92 A489 gdssbeauty@outlook.com GDSS Beauty GDSS Beauty_x
Rock Street (above Tuxedo) Call me Madalina 087-4384116
SHOP ONLINE... LOCALLY!!!
Kingdom swimmers selected for Regional Squad
Two local swimmers from Kingdom Swimming Club, based at Tralee Sports & Leisure Complex, have been selected for the prestigious Swim Ireland Regional Pathway Programme 2021/2022. Joe Reidy (18) and Harry Boyd (18) were informed this week of their places on the squad leading to great celebration within the club. This high performance programme is limited to just 30 athletes nationwide and is designed to further develop those in high performance swimming post secondary school and into third level. Through this bespoke programme, athletes are supported over the next 2-3 years as they transition into a post secondary school performance environment. Athletes are carefully selected for the programme by the National Performance Pathway Manager in association with Regional Pathway Development Coaches. Kingdom Head Coach Ger McDonnell says ‘This is an incredible achievement for the boys and a reflection of all their hard work and commitment over the last few years. Both Harry and Joe have competed at national level representing Kingdom SC since their early teens. Everyone is delighted to see their efforts rewarded with a place on a programme of such high calibre but also because it supports their continued commitment to swimming once they go on to third level’. This is not the first time the high standards of excellence in swimming have been recognised within the Kingdom Swimming Club. Most recently Grace Reidy, sister of Joe, was selected for the national F4-24 Olympic programme. The past 18 months have been especially difficult for all swimmers with pool closures, restrictions and the loss of two competitive seasons. Kingdom SC have just recommenced training last week after 8 months out of the pool but to have this fabulous news is definitely a great boost for everybody in the club and gets the 2021/2022 season off to a great start. Photo ; Head Coach Ger Mc Donnell with Harry and Joe
Ministers Foley congratulates over 61,000 students receiving their Leaving Certificate results
Minister for Education and Kerry TD Norma Foley has congratulated the Leaving Certificate class of 2021 who received their results last weekend .
In total, 61,125 students got their results , across the Leaving Certificate Established, Leaving Certificate Applied and Leaving Certificate Vocational Programme.
Students received their results directly on the Candidate Self Service Portal.
Students received a single set of results. Their results showed the best grades they received from the examinations and the Accredited Grade process on a subject-by-subject basis.
The results of both examinations and Accredited Grades have equal standing.
Minister Foley said last Friday : “I would like to congratulate each and every one of the students who will receive their results . Today is the reward for all your efforts throughout the past number of years.
“It is an exciting time for you and there are enormous
possibilities ahead. Students and their families have displayed great resilience in what has been a difficult experience in the last two school years and I wish all of those receiving their results today every success and happiness as they embark on the next stage in their journey, to work, including apprenticeships, or to further and higher education.
“I would also like to pay tribute to the enormous amount of work put into this year’s Leaving Certificate. Teachers, principals and schools have shown enormous dedication and assistance in supporting both the process of Accredited Grades and the examinations. The State Examinations Commission has also worked tirelessly to ensure that the process ran smoothly.
"I would also like to thank the members of the Advisory Group on Planning for State Examinations 2021 for their work and commitment.
All partners worked collaboratively to ensure that the class of 2021 had real choice and experienced a system to enable their progression that is fair and equitable.”
Students of CBS The Green who got their Leaving Certs on Friday and congratulating them is Norma Foley Minister of Education. Also photographed is Ann O'Callaghan (Principal) and Robert Flaherty (DP) Photo Joe Hanley
Kerry International Film Festival Takes Flight With Kerry Airport
Kerry International Film Festival (KIFF) are delighted to announce their exciting new headline sponsor partnership with Kerry Airport. Running for its 22nd year, the festival will take place October 14 – 17 2021 and this new partnership has provided a significant boost for the festival. A common goal of both Kerry Airport and KIFF is the promotion of Kerry on a global scale, and this has played a significant role in the development of this collaboration.
Speaking at the launch of the partnership, CEO of Kerry Airport, John Mulhern said “The Kerry International Film Festival is a highlight of any calendar. The benevolent and lasting relationship between the arts and County Kerry is one which is acclaimed all over the globe. In particular, the film industry. Remember when Jimmy Stewarts’ Charles Lindbergh finally spots land, Skellig Michael and the Iveragh Peninsula, a historic event in aviation and experienced by us all through the wonders of Film. Thus, how could Kerry Airport resist the opportunity to partner with KIFF and with them celebrate both renowned and emerging talent in their craft. We look forward to October with much anticipation”.
To celebrate Kerry Airports invaluable support, KIFF have introduced The Kerry Airport Take Flight Award. This award will recognise up and coming new talent in the film industry and is a welcome addition to the festivals coveted awards, which also includes The
Maureen O’ Hara Award, The Best of Kerry award, The Best Irish Narrative Feature award, amongst others.
Speaking about the partnership, Board Chairperson, Grace O’ Donnell, said: “The team at KIFF are very excited about the collaboration with Kerry Airport. We see this as a natural progressive partnership. For most of our visitors to the festival, stepping off the plane at Kerry Airport is their first taste of Kerry. Kerry Airport is the gateway to Kerry and we feel KIFF is the gateway to film in the County. We look forward to working with CEO of Kerry Airport John Mulhern along with his team at the airport to make KIFF one of the most important film festivals in the World and to continuously support Kerry as a destination." Script writer and Kerry native, Ailbhe Keogan is also a board member of KIFF. Her latest script Joyride, featuring Oscar winning actress Olivia Coleman was recently filmed in Kerry this summer with some scenes being filmed in Kerry Airport. Speaking about the importance of Kerry Airport from a film makers perspective, Ailbhe said: “Personally, as a film-maker, I've been grateful to Kerry Airport for many years now. I've travelled abroad to make important connections and brought these collaborators home to Kerry. Partnering with Kerry Airport enables KIFF to do likewise; to make meaningful connections with an international film community so that we can offer the richest festival we
can”.
KIFF is going from strength to strength despite the challenges that came with Covid 19. Last year the festival went exclusively online due to Covid restrictions, as a result KIFF gained over 17,000+ live streams throughout the four days of the festival. Additionally, KIFF is included in the top 100 film festivals in the world where it has gained a 5-star rating and they are Ireland’s fourth biggest festival. This year, KIFF 2021 were delighted to receive the highest number of submissions in the festival’s history. Working hard alongside Cinema Killarney and several invaluable local businesses and sponsors, KIFF is hugely appreciative of the support and goodwill they receive from the people of Kerry and strive to deliver a state-of-the-art festival that supports and
Kellihers Toyota host the Hybrid Roadshow!
promotes both industry talent and local engagement. KIFF’s new partnership with Kerry Airport has made a massive difference to the festival and they are looking forward to exciting times ahead. Áine Moriarty, CEO of the Irish Film & Television Academy (IFTA) and KIFF Board member said: “We have a wealth of creative talent here in Kerry and we want to ensure that they have every opportunity to grow and succeed internationally. The filmmaking industry in Ireland has become an important business for the Irish economy, KIFF and Kerry Airport can together showcase the filmmaking talent and stunning scenery our wonderful country has to offer.
All photo credits: John Walsh Photography
Left - Right: Ailbhe Keoghan, Scriptwriter and KIFF boardmember (in all denim), Aine Moriarty, CEO IFTA and KIFF Boardmember (blue top, black pants), John Mulhern, CEO Kerry Airport and Grace O'Donnell, Chairperson of KIFF.
Jordan lee Paralympian launches the new Yaris Cross Hybrid at Kelliher's Toyota Rathass Tralee last Monday
Photo Joe Hanley
Tim Kelliher along with Paralympian High Jumper Jordon Lee and the team at Kellihers Toyota as they launch the All new Toyota Cross SUV last Monday in their showroom at Rathass at the Toyota Hybrid Roadshow
The Lynch family, meet Jordan Lee after he launches the new Toyota Yaris Cross Hybrid at Kellihers Rathass Tralee on Monday.
Photo Joe Hanley
RECIPES
This is a slow roasted' Puerto Rican Pork Dish' Curry & Chile spiced Marinade. Ideal for these Autumn days ahead!
INGREDIENTS
• 8 garlic cloves, smashed and peeled
• 2 tablespoons dried oregano
• 1 tablespoon sweet paprika
• 1 tablespoon pure ancho chile powder
• 3/4 teaspoon curry powder
• 1/2 tablespoon salt
• 2 tablespoons distilled white vinegar
• 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 2 pounds turkey cutlets
METHOD
• Vegetable oil, for brushing DELIGHTED TO BE RE-OPENING FOR
In a mini food processor, combine the garlic, oregano, paprika, chile powder, curry and salt and process until the garlic is chopped. Add the vinegar and olive oil and process to a paste
Rub the marinade onto the turkey cutlets and let stand at room temperature for at least 30 minutes or refrigerate for up to 24 hours.
Light a grill. Scrape the marinade off of the turkey cutlets. Brush the cutlets with vegetable oil and grill over moderately high heat, turning once, until lightly charred and cooked through, about 5 minutes total. Serve hot
TORQUING CARS!
NEW DACIA JOGGER SET FOR A RUN AT THE BUDGET MPV CLASS
The all-new Dacia Jogger MPV has been revealed ahead of it’s official debut at the Munich Motor Show. The new car gets a utilitarian SUV-style design and is the brand’s first ever seven-seat model for the UK and Irish market.Dacia will offer the Jogger with a range of petrol engines at launch but a hybrid model is due to follow in a couple of years time. The new car is a replacement for the Lodgy, a model which was never sold in the UK, and will be a budget rival for van-based MPVs like the Citroen Berlingo and Peugeot Rifter.The latest addition to the Dacia line-up will continue the brand’s value-for-money focus with an expected starting price of around £13,000 in the UK , with pre-orders starting in November, with first UK deliveries expected in early 2022. It’s clear that the Jogger shares design cues with both the Duster SUV and the Sandero supermini. The nose is wider, with upswept ‘Y-Shaped’ headlights, a hexagonal front grille and a large lower air intake.The interior of the new Jogger boasts a similar design to that of the latest Dacia Sandero and Duster models, with a four-spoke steering wheel and hexagonal air vent design. The centre console houses a trio of rotary controls for the ventilation system.Buyers will be able to pick from three infotainment setups, with the Media Control option using a smartphone in place of an infotainment screen. This setup features a smartphone docking station, which runs the ‘Dacia Media Control’ software via the driver’s smartphone to control functions such as sat nav, radio and music streaming.
The Jogger will be available in three trim levels, with the entry-level Essential being the most basic. A mid-range Comfort model will also be available,. Every version will get 16-inch wheels, with lower spec cars sitting on ‘Flex’ steel wheels with hubcaps and higher trim models getting diamond cut alloys. With all seven seats in place, boot space is 213 litres, increasing to 712 litres in five-seat mode. Despite the Jogger’s focus on cost savings, the brand hasn’t skimped on practicality with features such as folding picnic tables on the front seat backs, integrated roof bars that can carry up to 80kg, and ISOFIX child-seat mounts in the second row of seats. The Jogger sits on the Renault-Nissan developed CMF-B platform, which also underpins the latest Dacia Sandero. At launch, buyers will only be able to choose a 1.0-litre three-cylinder turbocharged petrol engine in two power outputs. The TCe 110 version offers 108bhp and comes with a six-speed manual gearbox.The TCe 100 Bi-Fuel unit produces 99bhp and features a 40-litre LPG tank along with a 50-litre petrol tank. Claimed fuel economy stands at 37.1mpg and with both tanks brimmed, the Jogger can officially manage up to 621 miles of range. Dacia also claims the Bi-Fuel model emits around 10% less CO2 than an equivalent petrol engine, with emissions of 121g/km.
These petrol engines will be joined by a hybrid version of the Jogger in 2023, the first electrified model offered by Dacia. It’ll use the same 1.6-litre petrol engine, dual-electric motor and battery as the Renault Clio E-TECH. Dacia claims this powertrain will allow the Jogger Hybrid to run on pure-electric power around 80% of the time in town.Manufacturers of existing van-based MPVs will be looking over their shoulder when the Jogger arrives in showrooms.
ELECTRIC CARS & HYBRIDS NEARLY 1/3 OF ALL NEW CARS BOUGHT
Electric cars and hybrids now account for nearly one-third of all models bought so far this year, new figures reveal.
The latest data from the Society of the Irish Motor Industry shows that diesel now accounts for 34.09pc of new-car registrations, with petrol on 32.5pc. At the same time, hybrid sales are accounting for 16.32pc of all registrations with fully electric cars on 7.33pc and plug-in hybrids on 7.11pc, making a combined total of 30.76pc market share.
And last month’s new-car sales figures reflect the accelerating transition to electric with a total of 831 new fully electric vehicles (EVs) registered (14pc of all types of cars bought), compared with 294 in August 2020. So far this year 7,057 new fully electric cars have been bought – that compares with 2,954 for the corresponding period last year.Overall, the latest figures show, that new-car registrations were up 25pc last month: 6,013 versus 4,808 for August 2020 and 5,088 in 2019 (+18.2pc).So far this year 96,309 new cars have been registered as the market, despite Covid-19 restrictions, has been buoyed by new-reg July and August surges in demand.
The latest figure compares with 78,864 for the corresponding period in 2020 and 110,527 in 2019 (-12.9pc).Used imports hit the 5,088 mark last month –down from 8,141 in August 2020, a fall on the 9,706 imported in August 2019. Year to date used imports are up 16.4pc (46,185) on 2020 (39,668) but down 36.0pc on 2019 (72,214).SIMI director general Brian Cooke said of the new data: “The appetite among consumers for new cars, boosted by pent-up demand and strong consumer savings, that was in evidence in July has continued into August. New-car sales are up 25pc on the same month last year and by 22pc year to date.”Meanwhile, the SIMI statistics also show that the five top selling brands last month were: 1. Toyota 2. Volkswagen 3. Hyundai 4. Skoda 5. Ford. The top selling fully electric cars so far this year were: 1. The Volkswagen ID.4; 2. Volkswagen ID.3; 3. KIA Niro; 4. Nissan Leaf; 5.Tesla Model 3.The top-selling EV for August was the Volkswagen ID.3.
• Tyres or repairs ONSITE, Your Workplace or Home • We stock all leading Brands • Car Tyres , Truck Tyres, Ag. Machinery Tyres YES , WE DO TYRES!
Rang Kevin at 6am , Job done by 7.15am , Now that's Service - Alan B. Kevins free call out / free puncture repairs for us frontline workers during Covid was invaluable - Mary F.
Action from the Club Championship 1st Round game between the Austin Stack Club and Legion.
The Austin Stack Club had the upperhand in the 1st Round of the Club Championship between the Tralee boys and Killarney’s Legion in Castleisland on Sunday last. The Rock led by 0-5 ag an sos and by 0-9 at the final whistle....1-14 to 0-8. Armin Heinrich was Celsius (Castle Street, Tralee) Man-of-the-Match. Photographer: Adrienne McLoughlin.
All Fun at Dynamos Open Day
Max Gombarczyk, Hannah and Adam Chezminiar showing off their medals they won at the Tralee Dynamos Soccer Club Open Day in aid of Parents & Friends at Cahermoneen, Tralee on Sunday Photo Joe Hanley
Children having fun at the Tralee Dynamos Open Day in aid of Parents and Friends.pic Joe Hanley
The Committee with Sheila Fitzgerald who organised the Tralee Dynamos Open Day in aid of Parents & Friends on Sunday.
Elliott and Luca Twomey and Eoin McMillan having fun at the Tralee Dynamos Soccer Club open day on Sunday Photo Joe Hanley
Logan and Phoenix having a great day at the Tralee Dynamos Open Day at Tralee Dynamos Soccer grounds on Sunday.
OUT IN TRALEE
Photo ; Michael Slattery and Dr Daniel Onyekere, new Rotary member., Sharon Hayes Rotary President and Karen and Rose O Flahery.
TALKING SPORT WITH THE TRALEE ADVERTISER
FAI NATIONAl P.R.O. OF THE YEAR
IS THERE AN OUTSTANDING VOLUNTEER IN YOUR CLUB?
The answer of course is YES. Every club has that person who goes above and beyond what anyone one expects of them and without these people clubs would not be able to provide the programmes they do for their members. Well now is the time to give the person the recognition they deserve but most likely won’t want. The EBS is partnering with the Federation of Irish Sport for the third year to run the Volunteers in Sport Awards. The Awards will be presented virtually in December.
It is reckoned that there are 450,000 volunteers in the country giving over 37 million hours a year to the countries sports clubs and associations. The last 18 months was especially trying for this area and the volunteers contribution was even more invaluable that usual. To nominate the hero in your club and to be in with the chance of winning e1000 for your local sports club visit www. volunteersinsport.ie for all the details. Nominations can be made by a club, individual or sporting body and are open now until October 17th.
MANAGERS IN, STAYING IN OR GOING?
When things go right for a manager in any sport there is no greater feeling for that person and their backroom teams which are the people closest to them. This weekend we saw Meath Ladies manager Eamon Murray and the European Solheim Cup Captain (the manager in all but name) Catriona Matthew bask in the glory of having their team peak at exactly the right time for two great wins and both of them underdogs.
For the Republic of Ireland manager the three games ended with him in a stronger position to at least take the team to the end of this qualification tournament and put himself in pole position for the job going into the next Euros qualifying campaign where he will really be judged.
Back in the county and who will manage the Kerry seniors is still the subject of much speculation. And just in case people think this is disrespectful to Peter Keane it is not. Kerry does not have a senior manager at the moment as Peter’s tenure ended with the Tyrone defeat. Whether he wants and or gets another term will be decided in the coming weeks. However Jack O’Connor leaving Kildare did muddy the waters. Things are more settled on the Kerry minor and hurling front with Stephen Molumphy from Waterford being named as the new hurling manager and James Costello been given a fourth year at minor football level.
TRALEE TOWN BOARD NEWS:
The Tralee and St Brendan’s Under 13 Fooltball League continues this Sunday
with games in the three Divisions.
In Division One (all on Sunday at 6.30pm) Austin Stacks A are at home to John Mitchels and Na Gaeil A go to Churchill.
In Division 2 Ballymac are at home to Ardfert A and St Pat’s play Austin Stacks B while in Division 3 Na Gaeil B play Austin Stacks C and Ardfert B are at home to Kerins O’Rahillys. Last Sunday in Division 1 there were wins for Austin Stacks A and John Mitchel, for Ardfert and Ballymac in Division 2 and for Kerins O’Rahilly in the final Group.
AUSTIN STACKS NEWS:
The younger age groups are working hard towards their games against Kerins O’Rahillys and Firies with Sunday training continuing up to the end of October. The Thursday evening sessions will end at the end of this month. The 8/9’s are putting in great performances in the GoGames which will run until October 5TH. The u10/11’s play a challenge against Laune Rangers and play their GoGames fixtures on Thursdays.
In the 12’s and 13’s the team were in the u13 Tralee and St Brendan’s Board and in Division 1 took on Na Gaeil sponsored by Timberland Kitchens and Flooring sponsored and took on Na Gaeil winning 2-10 to 2-04. They play John Mitchels this Tuesday with a 6.30pm thrown-in. The B team made the trip to Ardfert in what turned out to be a cracking game. Stacks trained at half time 3-0 to 2-08 and the home side held onto win 2-15 to 3-06.
With the numbers training the club entered a C team but they have to play in Division 3 as against Division 9 in the County League. Rahillys ran out easy winners.
The u15B’s continued their Central League campaign with a 4-14 to 4-01 win over Ballymac. They also played Annascaul in their last League game with the West Kerry side taking the points.
PARNELLS NEWS:
Well done to the u7 boys and girls and to Noah O’Dricsoll and Cillian Fitzmaurice who were named team of the week. The u8’s and u10’s enjoyed a great game against Killarney. The u14 Boys lost their opening game in the North Kerry League Division 1 to Crotta but with a number of u13’s involved the team did all the could and did the jersey proud. It ended 1-10 to 0-06 with Parnells missing a number of chances including a penalty. The u15’s finished their County League going down to Crotta . The minor camogie side were away to Cill Ard in Kilmoyley but they put up a great battle but went down in the end. They battled until the end and with some u15’s and 16’s on duty the future is bright.
In the Intermediate hurling the Seniors have been drawn to play Causeway B in the semi-finals of the County Hurling Championship which will played this Saturday. The other semi-final sees Kilmoyley B take on Kilgarvan.
The Juniors went down to Duagh in the quarter final of their County Hurling Championship trailing 2-08 to 1-05 at the break and Duagh pushed on to take the semi-final spot 3-10 to 1-12.
Tralee Parnells will participate in this year’s Run4Pieta on the 2nd and 3rd of October with details of how to donate available from the club.
KERINS O’RAHILLYS NEWS:
In the Senior Club Championship Round 1 the seniors went down 0-18 to 0-12 away to Dingle. Despite the loss the club is taking encouragement from the performance and it was a marked improvement for their last outing.
In the underage Girls section the Kerins O’Rahillys team went down to Churchill while the Strand Road Blues lost out to John Mitchels.
The 14’s will play Moyvane in the County League while the u16’s are awaiting for a re-fixing of their game with Austin Stacks.
The minor ladies were involved in a cracking semi-final away to Fossa and after a 2-11 to 3-08 win they will have to do it all over again.
The Championships season for the Ladies will begin underway with the club having teams in the u13’s, u15’s and u17’s.
In the u5 Boys Adam Scott and Cian Carroll were named the Players of the Week, in the u6’s Alice Farr took the accolade, Luke Kelly was named at u7’s while at u8’s Mia Leane and Addison Quirke were named as the Players of the Week.
The u9’s played Churchill, the u10’s took on Austin Stacks and the u15’s took on Ballymac in the Central Region. Ballymac took the win in the end. The 15’s take on Castlegregory in their next game.
Lotto – there was no winner from the numbers drawn 21, 22, 29 and 32 with the next jackpot being e9,900.
SWIMMING
TO THE TOP:
The Kingdom Swimming club, based at the Tralee Sports & Leisure Centre, is delighted that two if its swimmers have been slelected for the prestigious Swim Ireland Regional Pathway Programme 2021/2022. Harry Boyd and Joe Reidy, both 18, are 2 of the 30 athletes nationwide that are in the programme.
Kingdom Head Coach Ger McDonnell says ‘This is an incredible achievement for the boys and a reflection of all their hard work and commitment over the last few years. Both Harry and Joe have competed at national level representing Kingdom SC since their early teens. Everyone is delighted to see their efforts rewarded.”
The boys join Grace Reidy, sister of Joe, who is on the national F4-24 Olympic programme. The club is delighted to have resumed training after 8 months out of the pool.
HOME GAMES FOR THE LOI AND KENNEDY CUP TEAMS:
On the local soccer front both the Kerry Schoolboys Girls League and the Kerry District League are up and running for the 2021-2022 season. It’s a testament to all involved that there has been no drop off in team after many months of
inactivity and indeed in the KDL there are a number of new teams.
On the EA Sports League of Ireland all three teams are at home. The 19’s had a great win away at Longford Town and this Sunday welcome Waterford FC to Mounthawk Park on Sunday for a 2pm kick-off.
The 17’s were very unlucky to lose to two late late penalties at home to Cobh Ramblers last weekend, who were managed by Darren Dennehy, and this week are at home again this Saturday when Limerick FC will be the visitors to Mounthawk Park also kicking off at 2pm.
The Kerry 14’s welcome Waterford to Celtic Park, Killarney for their second game in the League Shield Phase. And while normally the 2021 Kennedy Cup would be a distant memory this year it is only just beginning. Kerry welcome Limerick County to Listowel Celtic on Sunday kicking off at 3pm. Kerry will be away to Limerick District and at home to North Tipp before we know which knock-out section we will be in.
MORE GOOD NEWS ON THE RALLYING FRONT:
Following on from the announcement by the Kerry Motor Club that the Banna Beach Resort Kerry Winter Stage Rally will take place on November 7th there was no good news this week.
The Killarney and District Motor Club will be running the Rentokil Initial Killarney Historic Rally on Saturday November 27th.
Both rallies have been absent for a number of years so it is great that they are back and the committees are working very hard in making each even as safe and successful as possible.
TWO WINS FROM THREE FOR KERRY CRICKET:
In the Premier Division the Kerry 1st X1 had a big win over Galway at the Oval winning by 99 runs. Kerry hit 279 for 9 with Monil making 131 that had six 6’s. The Kerry 2nd X1 made the trip to Cork a winning one defeating UCC by 3 wickets in Division 1. The home side were all out for 216 with Kerry hitting 218 for 7. Awais was the big hitter on the day ending with 123 also including six 6’s.
The Kerry 4th X1 went down away to Waterford in Division 3.
ON THE GREENS – PITCH & PUTT: Well done to Deerpark’s John McGrath who was the winner of the Listowel Scratch Cup on 19 under par (6 and 13 under). Tralee’s Alan Hobbert came within a shot of the winner as did Listowel’s Jake Shine. Alan’s 18 under was enough to claim the top prize in the senior section.
Margaret O’Donovan from Bruff won the Ladies section for Derrpark’s Betty O’Brien.
This weekend 21 Kerry players are heading to Meath for the 2021 National Gents Strokeplay Championship finals. In the Senior category Tralee has four players on the team – Jason Cregan, Jason O’Regan, Tony Blake and Alan Hobbert. We wish all 21 players every success and hopefully some of the trophies will be coming back to Kerry.
with “The Voice” Pat Harnett
LAUGHTER ....THE BEST MEDICINE !
A PILOT WAS WELCOMING THE PASSENGERS ON THE PLANE SHORTLY AFTER TAKE-OFF...
"Thank you for flying with us this morning.The weather is....."
Then suddenly he starts screaming while he is still on the mic, "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! IT'S BURNING!!!"
A ghostly silence reigned. He gets back on the microphone and says, "I sincerely apologize for the incident, but I just dropped a very hot cup of coffee on my lap.. you should see my pants!"
One passenger shouts back, "WHY DON'T YOU COME HERE AND SEE OURS!!!"
RECENTLY, A LARGE CORPORATION HIRED
several cannibals to increase their diversity... ... "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees." The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals all shook their heads, "No."
After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But now, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something.”
MY
WIFE SAID SHE'LL LEAVE ME IF I DON'T OVERCOME MY POKER ADDICTION
but I think she's bluffing
MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION IS TO LOSE 10 POUNDS
Only 13 more to go
A STORE THAT SELLS NEW HUSBANDS HAS OPENED IN LONDON.
A store that sells new husbands has opened in London, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Dropdead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Dropdead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
I'M SPEECHLESS
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."
