Beating Blindfulness How To Decrease Stress By Managing Your Expectations

By Stacie roSe

Many schools of thought and modalities incorporate what we have come to call mindfulness. You may hear it in yoga, modern culture, in circles of friends and on social media. It’s what we make of mindfulness that matters most. How we internalize, externalize and synthesize the notion makes all the difference.

Perhaps getting comfortable with the term mindfulness has led you to that pleasant offshoot kindfulness. But something you may be missing altogether is a term yet to be popularized in the mainstream, and that’s blindfulness. Sometimes we may believe that we are practicing all the mindfulness we glean from our influencers on Instagram, the books we ingest and the terrifically inspiring TED talks we take to heart. All well and good. But often, we suffer from blindfulness. It’s something like missing the delicate little details by focusing too hard on “everything.” It’s getting too micro with life and missing the macro, and vice versa. We zoom in and out with the precision of a phycological ninja, yet we ignore the whispers in the wind or grumblings of our own intuition. It’s akin to not being able to see the forest through the trees, like forgetting to smell the roses and driving on the freeway to get there faster while missing the

signs along the way. It’s the journey, friends, not the destination! Easy to forget when you’re going a mile a minute.

As we pour our energy into our personal lives, professional lives and everything in between, our expectations in this high-pressure world can be sky high. These include our expectations of others, as well as ourselves. With expectations being the drivers that move us, the goal posts, rewards and bright lights at the end of the tunnels, we often stumble directly into our own blindfulness, missing the meaning in the moments, the magic and the very essence of life as it unfolds before us.

You may have heard that adage; you can only control so much. Often this notion has us spinning and spiraling amid the search for some semblance of control in the pursuit of perfection, or at the very least progress. This is not necessarily a terrible thing! However, if control or some variation of perfection is what we seek, we may fail to appreciate the small moments of splendor, intel, adventures and vibrations we experience en route.

You’ve heard of serendipity, right? It’s a phenomenon that’s not possible in an absolute or controlled situation. There is a certain amount of flexibility needed. We don’t encounter or even leave room for serendipity when our expectations become an exercise in rigidity and ultimate futility.

results in the glass wiggling a bit when you pull the grab handle. And when you lower your windows while driving, the glass tends to bounce around. It reminds

It’s the fluidity of life, open-heartedness and absence me a bit of the days of being in a school bus, rattles of absolute expectations that leave the door open for and all. That’s not the experience I was hoping for. the element of surprise. food-handling guidelines and ServSafe protocols and can tailor meals to meet any dietary restrictions or food Lastly, the suspension in the Black Diamond and Getting directly to the point now, our expectations allergies a recipient may have. Wildtrak variants I piloted were firm. Bumps are felt of ourselves and others keep us tethered to stress, throughout the cabin, especially in the shorter wheelanxiety, sadness and disappointment. base, two-door variant. If you want a more leisurely Holly Ingraham, a Wallington wife and mother, is experience, opt for the four-door that boasts a 16-inch Sometimes we get much more than we hope for. among the local volunteers have been delivering comlonger wheelbase. Pure physics smooths out the ride a Sometimes we don’t get what we want or expect, and passion — one tray at a time. touch but know it won’t work miracles. that’s the biggest blessing and gift from the universe. Often our expectations are not ones that will serve “When we were earlier on in the pandemic (pre-vaccine, So, that’s the rub. The Bronco boasts some truly great us or lead to happiness. Many times, our needless mid-winter surge), I wanted to find a tangible way to attributes but it’s not perfect. It strikes me as a bit of a crusades in the name of expectations lead us further help out,” she explained. “Donating money just wasn’t novelty, honestly. Overall, it reminds me of a roofless from our purpose, our people (the ones that matter) enough.”and less refined F-150 pick-up truck. Of course, this and ourselves. begs the question: Why not just get an F-150? Unless After learning about Lasagna Love from a friend in you plan on doing heavy-duty off-roading, that’s what This is not to say that we should throw our stanVirginia, Ingraham put on an apron and got to work. I’d recommend. dard out with the bathwater or accept less than Since January 2021, she has made and delivered 30 we deserve. It is not to say that accountability and meals; this year she’s already done seven. If you’re comparing the Bronco to a Jeep Wrangler boundaries are not necessary because they absolutely though, that’s a different story. To me, the Jeep doesn’t are. This is not a stab at mindfulness or kindfulness. “I’ve had the honor of cooking for frontline first stand a chance anymore. Provided you can score Both are powerful tools, beautiful practices and responders, families grieving a loved one, people out of a Bronco without the $5,000-$15,000 markup that

NJ-area dealers are charging. philosophies vital to our wellbeing, as is connectivity to appreciation and gratitude. work, recovering from surgery, having just brought Embracing these personal acts of kindness and a newborn home, and so much more. I know that self-nourishment, using the power of positivity and I’m making a difference for these families, even if cultivating a growth mindset are ways we can support it is a small one. I can help ease their burden for ourselves and others. Reevaluating our expectations a meal or two, which is why I continue to cook,” and trying to approach them with more grace and flu Ingraham said. idity are ways we can set ourselves up for abundance and the possibility of being uplifted rather than being The ongoing pandemic — coupled with rising prices let down. due to inflation and supply chain issues — have only exacerbated food insecurity levels, nationally and It’s all perspective and approach. It comes down to locally. choices and intentional living. It’s breathing, nutrition, deep sleep, love, finding joy in simple things. Even prior to COVID, at least one in 14 Bergen It’s taking your health seriously and practicing grat County residents had limited or uncertain access to itude. It’s taking a step back sometimes, practicing an adequate supply of nutritional food. self-care and listening to your body and your heart. It may take time to rejigger things a bit. But most Since Spring 2020, local food pantries have seen a things worthwhile take time and perseverance. Hey, 50 percent increase in clients and some sites have ya never know. You might even eventually defy reported a 200 percent spike in visitors, a recent your own expectations! survey by county officials found.

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