last laugh

GBy Brandon Goldstein rowing up my mother, my grandmothers, my aunts and my teachers, as well as every other figure who took on an adult role in my life would repeat the cliche phrase, “actions speak louder than words.”

At a time where you rarely see people’s actions, and thanks to social media, more often than not hear too because they’re too tough. They take the word of many of their words, it’s become much more difficult to literal witch doctors over medical professionals, and spot the hypo(crite). We are here to help. nothing stopped them from going out, traveling and

First, let’s address the elephant, scratch that, hippo living their life free. After all, this is ‘Merica! in the room. Hippos are both famously adorable and Sure, as the rollout of the vaccines began everyone infamously predatory in their environments. They are was (and still is) scrambling to get a shot. Well, not one of the largest causes of animal-related deaths in everyone. These are the non-hypos. True to their word, Africa, as well. Not crocodiles; not lions… the hippo. they hate everything about the virus, but they also hate

Part of that reason might be because of our early bi- everything about the vaccine. They’ll sit this shot in the ology classes. Nobody ever told us hippos were mean. arm out. Did they tell you that? I knew they were hungry; I knew But then, in plain sight, walk in the hypos. They they were chubsters; but mean? No way! argued on social media about how stupid the virus is;

Well, it turns out that hippos and their human coun- how it was less deadly than a meager cold; how the terpart, hypos, are quite similar. Let’s dive in! enemy is the media and there really is no virus. Then,

Surely, this past year you’ve at least once rolled your they get the vaccine. eyes incredibly hard at someone’s social media post. These hypos, hiding in their water, spewing their Whether it was a family member whose political views bullshit on their social pages day in and day out, actyou disagreed with, a family friend whose COVID ing like a tough guy. Then, vaccine roll out. Quiet. No beliefs you disagreed with or just one of those people more posts. No more tough guy. In fact, the second you came across who knows everything thanks to some they became eligible for the vaccine, they were first on obscure news source they hadn’t heard of prior, you’ve line. Shot in arm, protected from the measly virus so run into a hypo. many would do anything to get a vaccine for.

But how do you spot a hypo? Well, it’s easier than That’s the biggest, ugliest, worst kind of human. That you might think. Let’s just take the rollout of the COVID is a HYPO. Our beautiful world deserves better than vaccines as our example. these awful, two-faced creatures.

There are those who disregarded the severity of the Actions do speak louder than words. This isn’t a virus from its earliest days. They won’t wear a mask, safari. This is real life. We can be better. ■