Song lyrics

Song lyrics 1980 ­ 1982

“CROSSWORD DESIGNER BY TRADE” Lyrics: Tony Longland. Music: Charles Owen

If one looked at him On the street (road, lane or avenue) And tried to take a punt (or bet) On the job that he could do One’d never think to look at him That his mind is like a maze For he’s the one who caters to The current crossword craze.

He’s a crossword designer A One Down definer You can meet him every morning at the breakfast table Try to beat him if you’re able He’s a demon of the word page Crossword designer by trade.

On the comic page Of the Courier­Mail Or inside the Telegraph Just near the funeral notices And the bits that make you laugh There’s a tiny grid Try to fill it in If it takes an hour or a half It will keep you amused Or leave you confused That’s the clue decoder’s craft.

You’ll be a crossword competer Obscure word completer It can keep you amused during morning tea And also extend your vocabulary It’s the product of the word ace Crossword designer by name.

“DON’S GARMENTS” Lyrics: Tony Longland. Music: Charles Owen

You’re a lousy dresser, Don How do you get your shirts so wrinkled?

Aren't they wash and wear?

Or is it just that you don't bother taking them off at night?

It's very tacky sleeping in your clothes.

Furthermore, your trousers are creased.

Don’s garments are a mess, He's a real slob But still the girls seem to go for him Maybe it’s just the maternal instinct or something, In which case it's not nice of him to take advantage of their kindness.

Freud would have a field day.

It's generally believed that Don doesn't change his underwear more than once a week But I know this girl who swears he doesn't wear any at all, Which if it was true would upset me greatly, Not because I care whether he gets chafed, But because I am dating this girl, And now I think she is going to leave me for him.

She'll be sorry if she does, Because she’ll just end up having to do his ironing, Whereas I can do all my own.

“MOGADON MOMMA” Lyrics: Tony Longland. Music: Charlie Owen.

Ooo­oo­oo. Woo­oo­oo­oo. Ooo­oo­oo. Ooooo CHORUS: Mogadon Momma, Valium Vixen She’s the one I see when my head needs fixin’ Mogadon Momma, You’re my pusher girl Number One. Her daddy owns the chemist shop Down at the end of our block, And she’s the one who gives us The tiny little pills that we pop, She’s my Mogadon Momma and she gives me the blues The purples, the reds, And amphetamines too.

CHORUS She brings us a bagful Each mornin’ when we come to school So we drop them at lunch time And then we sit around and drool, She can speed me up or slow me down I’m so glad to be My Mogadon Momma’s clown.

CHORUS

“THE TAXIDERMIST’S PICNIC” Lyrics: Tony Longland.

Music: David Pyle and Charlie Owen.

I had a dream that came to me the other day It was a taxidermist asking me to play I almost said yes, But a voice rang in my head ­ An angel stood with harp in hand And this is what she said…

(CHORUS 1) Stay away from the taxidermist’s picnic, Stay away don’t let them stuff you around, Stay away from the taxidermist’s picnic, Make sure when you die you body goes in the ground.

(REGGAE) Although I said I would not go, I disguised myself and went incognito, I watched them playing their taxidermy games, Catching tiny animals and mounting them in frames.

(CHORUS 2) They have fun at the taxidermist’s picnic, Catching animals and putting them down, Watch them run at the taxidermist’s picnic, Your pet could be an ornament if you don’t watch out And then I saw my angel underneath a tree With glassy eyes and frozen smile she looked at me, Her skin was seamed her hair was made of plastic, and Her feet were nailed to a polished wooden stand.

I took her from that place and brought her to my home, She doesn’t say a lot, but at least I’m not alone REPEAT CHORUS ONE AND TWO.

“THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW WEEK” Lyrics: Tony Longland. Music: David Pyle

It’s sad to think you’re leaving me The day after tomorrow week My heart is numb, your love is gone I cannot bear to speak; And so I wrote this song for you A symbol of our love, Don’t read it till you’re on the bus And the reading lamp’s above.

You never said you’d stay forever But that was only yesterday Goodbye sometimes seems like never No don’t say, no don’t say.

Since you moved in, How happy we have been And now you say you’re on your way The day after tomorrow week*.

SPOKEN OVER INSTRUMENTAL: Ah mon amour. Je t’aime cherie, Je t’aime toujours Mais maintenant tu dit que Vous departez.

Et moi je suis berefté, desolé!

Je suis le illegitimate son de Charles Boyer.

Don’t say a word, don’t try to speak I know you feel the same as me But love that’s gone can’t be denied No­one can say we didn’t try.

And now we know it will be over Let’s use the time we have together And show the world we will be lovers Till the day after tomorrow week.

* This line sung as: The day, oh yes the day Oh yes the daaaay After tomorrow… week.

“THIS SONG” Lyrics: Tony Longland. Music: David Pyle.

This song is as deep as a river Just check on your sonar and see, Like trees that stand bare in the winter This song is for you and for me.

As Anzac Day brought us together The Queen’s Birthday tore us apart, Our love might have lasted forever But for the faulty valve in your heart.

When we wandered through the forest In a wild arboreal romp It was too bad that we got lost And strayed off into the swamp.

We spent four days blundering ‘round there Caught pneumonia from the fog Was it my fault the strain proved too much When you pulled me out of the bog?

Now you lie so cold in the quicksand Going deeper every day But your memory still lingers with me You will never fade away.

“THREE YEARS” Lyrics: Tony Longland Music: Charlie Owen and David Pyle

We’ve been living together for three years Now you say it’s time for a change.

It couldn’t have lasted forever Now it’s time to break this cage.

You said that you loved me But the years have shown that love Can fade away; Let’s make the decision, Someone goes and someone has to stay.

And when I see you in the morning light I know for sure it’s all gone wrong that once was right There’s only one end to a one­sided affair I’m leaving soon but won’t you say that you still care?

There was a time when we could sit and talk things out That time is gone now there’s no room for any doubt I have to go But you should know I don’t want to be alone.

Won’t you say that you love me?

I love you I don’t want to be just friends Let’s make a beginning Does this really have to be the end?