Broad Ripple Magazine February 2021

FEBRUARY 2021

MAGAZINE

LESSONS LEARNED Psychotherapist Michelle Gambs Has Unique Perspective on Parenting PANDEMIC-PROOF VALENTINE’S DAY IDEAS

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in love with this child, and the rest of their life you draw upon that. As parents, we have the greatest impact up to age 12 because after that, peers get promoted and parents get demoted.”

Yikes…

P SY C H OT H E R A P I ST M I C H E L L E GAMBS HAS UNIQUE PERSPECTIVE ON PARENTING Writer / Kara Kavensky Photography Provided

on parents with children ages 2 to 12.

Experts say parenting does not actually begin until a child begins to talk, around age 2. Don’t shoot the messenger, as this detail is accepted by psychologists like Michelle Gambs, an author and psychotherapist who focuses her practice

“Real parenting starts when [children] can speak, for once they begin to talk, parents need to up their game and the real parenting begins,” states Gambs, a mother of two children who are now ages 22 and 24. “God designed it this way - the first two years are designed to totally fall

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Before we all freak out, Gambs has been in private practice for more than 20 years.

She’s an experienced public speaker who has taught a course on parenting three times per year for 20 years (the course is available online via her website). She has done countless corporate lunch-andlearn events, and has a calming presence.

Gambs is well-regarded as a top parentchild psychotherapists, and yet she strongly encourages parents to take the course to avoid becoming a client.

“If I teach parents how to handle their role to the best of their ability now, I won’t see their kids later in therapy, which

is essentially working myself out of a job,” says Gambs, who is originally from Lafayette, Indiana, and graduated from the University of Notre Dame.

what she prescribes for her clients. Her main message is that we do not have to be perfect - as parents, we need to offer ourselves grace. She also touts quality over quantity when it comes to time Gambs lived in Houston for a decade while spent with our children. Gambs advises raising two young children. Her family made quality connections and quality time by the decision to move closer to other family being fully present with our children for members, so they relocated to Indianapolis. sincere connection, instead of focusing on Within a couple years after moving back to quantity.

Indiana, Gambs had her license to practice (there is no license reciprocity with Texas) Children will get their needs met, and opened her private practice in Broad either positively or negatively. Being Ripple Village, not far from her home. separated during a pandemic creates its own challenges with this. Gambs “Parenting is hard and it was not natural for shares the five key needs of children me,” Gambs says. “The course that I teach, that need to be met - belonging, love, I had originally taken as I became a new power, feeling special and important, and mom, and it totally changed my life.” experimentation and exploration.

What Gambs learned about herself, and what makes people appreciate about her, is that she makes them feel safe. Her clients come to her to get educated because they don’t have all the answers. She makes them feel safe, heard and entertained, by sharing stories that illuminate tough situations.

Gambs has a practical approach and shares actionable items to help her clients.

“It’s a myth that love is enough - it’s not enough,” Gambs says.

Since she is able to walk her talk, Gambs felt she had the credibility to counsel

Her first point is that it’s important to be both firm and kind.

“Your kids don’t need you as a friend,” states Gambs, who recently released her book “Stay Away From Option D.” “Grandparents have the luxury of being only kind. Parents do not.”

In her book, Gambs advises staying within the space of what she designates as A, B, and C parenting zones. A is the ideal option - being happy, kind and firm. It is the one most of us need to learn. B is the “good enough” option. C is the “do no harm” option, and involves walking away from frustrating situations with your child to offer space to cool off. D involves yelling, spanking or shaming a child. She stresses that it is crucial for parents to avoid option D. Like many books, “Stay Away From Option D” was a labor of love. It was a decade in the making and it is exactly 6 / BROAD RIPPLE MAGAZINE / FEBRUARY 2021 / atBRip.com

parents of teenagers and teens after she had experienced that phase with her own children. Gambs states that parenting teens is a whole different beast.

“You become the wallet and the ride, and you are supposed to like it,” she says.

“Parents are heartbroken about it. I was.”

The experimentation and exploration phase can be life-altering and possibly permanent with teens. They are trying to get their needs met, and may explore drinking, drugs and sexuality.

“They will get these needs met appropriately or inappropriately, whatever we train them to do,” Gambs says.

At the bottom of her official website, Gambs writes, “I never said it would be easy. I only said it would be worth it.”

For more info, visit michellegambs.com.

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Douglas Morris, coordinator at the MLK Center for the Tech Center

Molding Minds

The MLK Center Helps Children and Teens Read, Learn and Improve Writer / Christy Heitger-Ewing Photographer / Michael Durr

When Allison Luthe first started working at the Martin Luther King Community Center in June of 2015, the organization was in a transition phase. Faced with some financial troubles, they paused to restructure and get clear on their purpose.

“As a community center, we have a mission to focus on social services, but at the same time, we don’t just want to be providing band-aids and temporary solutions,” says Luthe, executive director.

In a five-year stretch, they grew from a single employee to 22, thereby expanding the capacity of the organization.

“We talked to parents to find out what they wanted, and they said they desperately needed after-school care, so we partnered with local child care providers to get kids connected to quality child care between the ages of 0 and 5,” Luthe says.

They also focused on youth education. Students at James Whitcomb Riley School 43, located one block from the center, were struggling academically. Having had five principals in six years, the students desperately needed help with literacy in particular, so the MLK Center secured a highly competitive four-year grant from the state to partner with the school, which helps them provide literacy, coaching, tutoring and reading support for kids. The goal of the program is to get students reading at grade level by third grade. The program has been a success, and the grant was recently renewed for an additional four years.

“We combine that after-school program with our summer program and provide year-round literacy support,” Luthe says. “We believe in literacy because education is power.

Keeping people connected can be a solution to systemic

racism, empowering others, and building up the neighborhood. We’re really focused on the feeder area of School 43, which is the Butler-Tarkington, Crown Hill, Mapleton-Fall Creek and MeridianKessler neighborhoods.”

Middle school and high school teens have access to the Best Buy Teen Tech Center, a national program in partnership with the Clubhouse Network, an international network of neighborhoodbased technology hubs for kids. The Best Buy Teen Tech Center, which opened in January of 2019, enables students to collaborate in project-based learning to get hands-on training in coding, application development, digital music and film production, digital photography, 3D design, robotics and more.

These teens participate in career pathway programs and can earn credentials, secure internships, and explore future education for career possibilities in technology.

Though there are multiple centers around the country, this is the only location in Indiana.

Douglas Morris, coordinator at the MLK Center for the Tech Center, grew up in this neighborhood in the 1980s and knows firsthand how many of these teens feel.

“Like many of us, I can relate to these youth's coming of age stories,” Morris says. “Whether it's feelings of loneliness, due to absence of a parent(s) or just feeling misunderstood. Add the mental, physical and financial strains these teens are processing and it's socio-economics 101. Technology is the hook for these kids, as they don’t have access to it elsewhere. Once I’ve got them in the door, we dig into who they are and what they want for their life.”

Morris hears personal stories on a daily basis, like when he learns that a teen’s lights have been shut off, or that there’s no food in their refrigerator. However, there are also stories of success and perseverance. One teen told Morris that the MLK Center helps him be the best

version of himself.

The MLK Center is located across the street from Tarkington Park. In February of 2017, two teens were arrested for fighting there. One was put on probation for nearly two years, so the MLK Center partnered with the Indianapolis Metropolitan Police Department and neighborhood associations to create the Tarkington Teen Work Crew, a sevenweek summer employment program that pays teens a $100 stipend per week to clean up the park, alleys and trash in the neighborhood, and also undertake service projects. Teens are required to participate in some professional development, conflict resolution and counseling, in addition to taking care of their neighborhood. When the program began, 30 teens applied. This past summer, that application number more than doubled.

“We do zero marketing,” Luthe says. “It’s all word of mouth.”

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Those teens who triggered the program now work at the MLK Center as junior community builders.

“They are ambassadors to their communities and are carrying that voice back into the center,” says Luthe, noting that the center is also developing a youth committee that will have two seats on the board of directors. “We’re making sure that we’re putting our money where our mouth is. If we’re going to challenge things like gun violence, dropout rates or anything related to young people, they must be at the center of that decision-making.”

Luthe says a number of community members have expressed an interest in volunteer opportunities, but those are not currently available due to COVID-19.

However, she encourages folks to visit their official website to learn how they can participate in the 16-hour nonviolent training, which will focus on values espoused by Martin Luther King, Jr.“We will tackle those things that keep us

divided,” she says.

The plan is to train all of their teenagers, partners, volunteers and board members, thanks to grants from the Butler Giving Circle and the Meridian Street United Methodist Church.

“When people ask what they can do about injustice or inequality, this is something - learn how to build community,” says Luthe, who participated in training at The King Center in Atlanta as well the Institute for Nonviolence Chicago.

“We are developing a local version and

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The MLK Center is located at 40 West 40th Street in Indianapolis. For more information, call 317-923-4581 or visit MLKCenterIndy.org.

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PANDEMIC-PROOF VALENTINE’S DAY IDEAS

Writer / Abigail Hake Photography Provided

It’s not every year that you have to get really creative for Valentine’s Day. Usually a gift or flowers, followed by a nice meal with no kids (if you have them) and a glass of wine, is just fine and thoroughly

enjoyed. This year, however, it’s a little more complicated - but just because things are a bit more complicated doesn’t mean you can’t have a great Valentine’s Day. Here are six pandemic-proof date night ideas for you and yours.

TACKLE A PROJECT

While this isn’t the most romantic thing to do, it does bring you together with your partner to tackle something you’ve been wanting to start (or finish). Maybe it’s something you needed for your home, or something to give to someone else. Either way, you’ll feel good working together and accomplishing something at the end of the night.

COOK TOGETHER

While there are a few cooking stores that are still having classes in person, lots are offering online options. If you feel good enough to head out and want to enjoy a private lesson at a shop, do it. If not, sign up for an online class and give it a go in your own kitchen. Otherwise, order an oven-ready meal kit that you can make together, with included step-bystep instructions as well as all required ingredients.

BINGE A SERIES

A trusty go-to if you can’t figure out what to do. We suggest something completely new that’s getting rave reviews, or something with lots of nostalgia. You can easily get sucked into the old “Supermarket Sweep,” or something a bit

newer like “The Office.” Perhaps check out “Cobra Kai,” which can be binged in one evening, and has both a new and old feeling to it.

LEARN SOMETHING NEW Yelp has been great during these crazy times for offering info on events with

local restaurants and crafters. If you can’t find anything local, YouTube is always a good place to go to learn a new trade.

Maybe try DJ spinning lessons or brewing your own beer. Pick something you both want to learn more about, and dive right in.

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GO FOR A WALK OR RUN

Another simple yet perfect way to spend time together is a walk, or if you are feeling up to it, a run. Use the time to talk about how you hope the new year will go, or just catch up a bit.

BOOK A PRIVATE LESSON

Pastries would be a perfect go-to for this one, but you can probably find a class for just about anything. Macarons or chocolate sound delish, and would be fun to make and take. Art lessons are another great option too. If you aren’t feeling that great about going out because of COVID, private lessons provide a great way to get out with minimal contact.

are still open but generally at a much lower capacity, so make sure to book early. Wherever you decide, pick somewhere you can enjoy and treat yourselves a bit.

While times are still a little off, that doesn’t mean you can’t still make time for each other. Everyone needs a little pick-me-up, and Valentine’s Day might just be the perfect time for that. Whether you end up ordering sushi and just watching a movie with the family, or you actually get to partake in a night away, remember - love is all you need.

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CHECK INTO A HOTEL

Lastly, you can always book a room at a local hotel. Maybe try that new boutique hotel you’ve had your eye on, and order room service. Hotels

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