Stuck in Neutral or Energized Anew?

Can you comfortably and decisively pick one? Or do you sometimes feel a bit “at sea” in the middle of stuck and energized? As I talk to colleagues, clients, and friends, I find people are trending toward a return to energy. Regardless, many are still experiencing the past two to almost three years as a significant blow dealt to their level of energy, activity, and motivation. It looks like the majority have returned to full-force activity – sports events, concerts, and family and neighborhood gatherings. While there’s no right/wrong or good/ bad, there’s a big difference. The historic introvert-extrovert differences, the loners versus crowd seekers – have been in full view these past few years. But a basic question typically becomes, “What’s my best choice?” When unclear it’s simply up to us individually to do/behave/make decisions on choices best for us. And maybe just as significant, trust and accept the choices of others regardless of agreeing, unless it impinges on you. Then it’s up for discussion, for exploring versus blaming or withdrawing support.

What’s then essential? We need to show up for the conversation as a first step.

To dig into self-examination and reflection, check how easily you are triggered – meaning do you respond just a little too quickly? Feel easily angered? Feel you are more easily provoked? Further, are you more likely to cling to your ideas, thoughts, and opinions? Are you withdrawing from activities and interactions? Both extremes need focus … with efforts to perhaps occupy a more neutral position and gather information and facts first.

And equally important? Some of us were struggling with healthy behavior before the pandemic. That makes the bottom line – examining your thoughts and feelings in as much detail as you can – and maybe try journal writing and check if you have one or two people in your life with whom you could discuss what you think and feel.

If self-exploration has historically not been easy for you, then these suggestions might feel unrealistic, not even helpful and, for some, perhaps annoying. But my experience suggests that regardless of our history with self-exploration, it’s always okay to make an effort to start now.

The challenge is getting thoughts and feelings out of our heads… either on paper or in an open conversation with someone you trust or with whom you have a reasonably comfortable relationship with. And even if you’ve never considered therapy, it’s a process I’ve found almost everyone finds beneficial. Really! I’m nudging a lot more than I typically do simply because I’ve discovered that regardless of how much we’ve returned to a sense of “normal,” the past few years have been a significant stress and strain on almost every one of us, and taking time to pace ourselves, assess feelings, and examine next steps, decisions, and directions are all still pretty important – even if some of us can say we are “back to normal and energized anew.”

I can quite honestly report I personally feel/experience and define a “different sense of normal.”

Bottom line: Examine what and how you feel and the choices

“Everyone has insecurities or something small they don’t like about the way they look. It’s the greatest gift of my profession to see those same people bursting with confidence after correcting their insecurities. They just seem brighter, happier. It’s something that could be unnoticeable to anyone else. It’s about the way they feel personally about themselves and the way the project themselves. That’s the part of it I love the most –changing their self-confidence, changing their attitude through great work.”

DR. JOSEPH V. CANNOVA

PLASTIC AND RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY and decisions you are making. Pay attention to the changes you’ve made either automatically or with careful consideration. The many people I work and interact with daily report changes both big and small. The key is paying attention and making sure you are comfortable and feel “centered” with the space you find yourself occupying.

A BOARD-CERTIFIED PLASTIC SURGEON, PROVIDING A FULL SPECTRUM OF PLASTIC SURGERY SERVICES, FOCUSING LARGELY ON COSMETIC PROCEDURES—BODY, BREAST AND FACELIFTS.

Imagine time away where reflection is the primary objective – with a journal and pen close by for recording thoughts and feelings. Writing with pen on paper creates a valuable connection to the brain. However, if you feel better with a laptop, go for it.

For a simple start, a first step if you’ve never tried meditation, is simple breathing exercises. The most simple, and you might try it now, just as an experiment, is the following exercise: Breathe in to the count of four, hold your breath to the count of seven and release very slowly to the count of eight … release through pursed lips, like preparing to whistle. Repeat this four times. Then do it again. And take a minute to pay attention to how you feel.

You may confirm doing exactly what you are doing is great; and you may reflect on new things, options for going forward, or something right in between. It’s simply finding your own renewed sense of direction. And if you discover all you need is to stare at the water, mountains, or woods and rest somewhere other than the comfort of your home, own it. Meditation can simply affirm we are on the right path. Or, it can open hearts, minds, eyes, to something new, slightly new, or dramatically different. Meditation, retreating, allows whatever to surface.

Meditation techniques range from simple breathing exercises like this to silent repetition of a mantra (a word or phrase) to listening to guided instructions for deep relaxation and resting the mind.

And if you have that stuck feeling, it’s often our thoughts and feelings demanding more time to think, reflect, and sort things out before taking action. So stuck is not a negative thing; it’s a signal that paying attention is necessary, even sometimes essential.

Meditation also helps with healing. Far too many have experienced tragic loss during this difficult time and both emotional and physical healing is needed. Understanding what you think, feel, want, and need is important to determine what changes are both desirable and possible. The more you reflect, meditate, and write about what you think and feel, the more clarity you’ll achieve. The challenge is to make these two difficult years have a positive outcome when and where possible.

Always make the effort to write things down. The ability to return to what you’ve written will help build perspective and provide an opportunity to rethink, reevaluate, change direction, or focus anew on the direction you’ve charted in your reflections.

To what end? When the mind is allowed to truly quiet down … especially when applied after long term, persistent stress … feelings and thoughts emerge that are truly helpful to each of us as we contemplate where we’ve been, where we are now, and where we want to venture forward today and in the future.

Our thoughts can be our best resources/friends or, when left unexamined, can hold onto distortions and exaggerations that head us in the wrong direction. We are capable of making things far worse, more stressful, than they actually are by “awful-izing and catastrophic-izing.” That means that “I’ve had a hard couple of years” can have the added thought of “It’s awful, terrible, and I can’t stand it and it’s never going to get better!” Analyze the distortions that head us in the wrong direction. Mostly what’s needed is reflection and good healthy decisions, starting with the healthy reflection on where we’ve been, how we’ve handled the past two years, and our efforts to head into the coming months with some clear assessment about where we are and what we need to move forward embracing life. Primarily, trust yourself. If you are still a bit “in neutral,” honor the space and learn what you need to do to head in the best direction for yourself. If “energized,” again, simply make your choices wise ones. And, finally, talk to friends and family and colleagues whenever you believe just thinking out loud might truly help. We still face challenging times, so doing so reflectively is the best plan.

My personal easy getaway is Timber Creek, a quite elegant retreat center an hour drive from Kansas City. The website, timbercreekretreat.org, has information for options across the country. My wish is for you to take good care of yourself, recognizing the past two years have been a challenge that we are still trying to accurately evaluate.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dr. Linda Moore has been in practice in the Kansas City area for over 25 years and is a published author on personal and family issues.