HEALTH

Change is Hard!

How Do You Manage it When it's Necessary?

Change is challenging even when we make a conscious choice to do something new or different; however, the last two years have sometimes necessitated that we lean into “required change” at work, at home, in our social world – for personal health, safety, and well being.

In my office, I hear a wide range of responses to the suggestions, sometimes requirements, for health and safety: • simple acceptance and alteration of behavior; • ambivalence and a slow effort to make a change; • protesting and refusal; • stress, depression, anxiety around change – from simple to more serious levels.

Checking on our personal ability to change is a reasonable way to assess and measure our physical and emotional health. Meaning? It’s good to reflect and even “grade” ourselves on how we’re doing in the demanding two-plus years of the pandemic.

Self-assessment aside, altering our behavior is hard! And for approximately two years it’s been both requested and required in practically every aspect of life – from how and where kids learn, how we work, socialize, travel, dine out, and get groceries or take out. In other words, most of us have had some pretty major shifts in our day-to-day lives.

Consequently, reflecting helps. Make a list of things in your life that are different. Write down five to 10 things that you’ve changed or altered in any significant way in the last two years. Review, and by each change you identify, rate the difficulty or the level of “challenge” by each one on a scale of 1 to 10. Number 1 represents “truly easy,” and number 10 represents “extremely challenging.” As you reflect, review what you write, evaluate the difficulty, and check your “emotional temperature” to see how you feel as you review.

Reflection is important because change is not simply about shifting gears. It’s rather a relatively complex psychological process consisting of three stages, both in action and in our psychological response.

Stages indicate that we can alter a behavior and still, for some time, revert/forget/resist the new and yearn for the way we once did things. The pull to do what we prefer or what we want – what’s familiar and comfortable – can be powerful.

1.

THE ENDING OF WHAT YOU DO NOW.

“Letting go” of current behavior and practices.

2.

TRANSITON.

Neutral territory. Making the change and gradually adjusting to the “new.”

3.

THE NEW BEGINNING.

Embracing or settling into the new behavior or the “beginning” of the new.

... talk to someone if and when you feel the need for that. I quite honestly have not encountered anyone in the last two years who has said, “I don’t need to talk.”

As indicated, some protest and defy, while others step into the necessary and comply even if grudgingly so. Others step in and make the change regardless of experienced dissonance, even assisting those struggling.

The review helps assess any internal roadblocks encountered when making efforts to adapt new behavior.

It’s easier to test your ability to head in new directions by reflecting on some behavior you have intentionally wanted to alter – i.e., losing 10 pounds, taking a class, learning to play the guitar, finally learning to meditate regularly. How did it go? And what either made it successful or got in your way or delayed your progress. Answers can help you more accurately assess how you’ve managed change in general these last two years.

And if you are interested in historical perspective, take a momentary glance back into childhood and what you learned about change growing up. Visualize this: you are being asked to stop playing with friends and come inside. Do you respond quickly and comply? Delay as long as possible? Perhaps pretend not to hear the request? Some of those early behaviors indeed follow us into adulthood! So when a client shared resenting being told to stay home from the office, we examined both his adult reaction … and some childhood memories of rules.

Bottom line: It’s essential to pay attention to what has changed and how you are both managing the change and how you are feeling about it. The range of reactions is from extreme stress manifesting in anger and unwanted behavior changes to varying degrees of anxiety and depression. The most commonly reported are alterations in sleep pattern, stress that sometimes stimulates consuming too much food and alcohol, mood swings, and becoming easily irritated with family and friends and coworkers.

The most effective thing most of us can do is just talk about the feelings. Even if this is absolutely not the thing you are inclined to do, give it a try. And if talking is too hard at first, grab a notebook and write down the things that are bothering you. On paper, you can rant and complain and say all the negative things on your mind. Read it out loud to yourself. Then consider what’s actually worthwhile to say out loud to someone you are comfortable with. Then burn the writing over the kitchen sink!

Be kind to yourself and also look for ways you see that you are effectively managing any of the changes you’ve incorporated into your day-to-day life. And if things are gradually returning to some kind of normal for you, relax into that and be grateful for your ability to manage your way through a truly challenging time in all our lives.

And always talk to someone if and when you feel the need for that. I quite honestly have not encountered anyone in the last two years who has said, “I don’t need to talk.” And if looking for resources, you can always be in touch with me. And remember actually doing the talking is often hard.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dr. Linda Moore has been in practice in the Kansas City area for over 25 years and is a published author on personal and family issues.