Usher Faux Pas An elderly woman walked into the local country church. A friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. “Where would you like to sit?” he asked. “The front row, please,” she answered. “You really don’t want to do that,” the usher said. “The pastor is really boring.” “Do you happen to know who I am?” asked the woman. “No,” said the usher. “I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly. “Do you know who I am?” the usher asked. “No,” she said. “Good.”
Repentance in Process The story is told of a shoplifter who writes to a department store and says, “I’ve just become a Christian, and I can’t sleep at night because I feel guilty. So here’s $100 that I owe you.” Then he signs his name, and in a little postscript at the bottom he adds, “If I still can’t sleep, I’ll send you the rest.”
—Bill White Pa r a m o u n t, C a l i f o r n i a
The Purpose of Coffee Hour Coffee was always served at our church after the service. One Sunday our minister asked one of the smaller members of the congregation if he knew why we had coffee hour. Without hesitating, the youngster replied, “To wake people up before they have to drive home.”
—Richard Blake San Luis Obispo, California
All Souped Up When a friend asked her four-year-old daughter to fetch a can of soup from the pantry, she replied, “But it’s dark and scary in there!” “You don’t have to be afraid,” came her mother’s calm reply. “Jesus is always with you, even in the pantry.” The girl thought for a moment, walked over to the pantry, stuck her head in the door, and called, “Jesus, if You’re in there, can You hand me a can of soup?”
—Andrea Miller Greenville, South Carolina
Collection of the best quips and comics surrounding Church life from the Christianity Today's Leadership site!