Hope and a Future Magazine Edition 3

No longer hiding

How Tierney conquered her worries and found the confidence to smile again.

Keeping children in mind

Will van der Hart, of Holy Trinity Brompton, on the Church’s crucial role at the frontline of mental health care.

Finally breathing

Millie-Rae: released from a life defined by anger and anxiety.

IN THIS ISSUE:

Finally Breathing: Millie-Rae's Story

Children’s Mental Health: The Bigger Picture

No Longer Hiding: Tierney’s Story

Finding the Words: Brandon’s Story

It’s not just once or twice that I’ve seen a young person scrunch and screw up something they’ve been working on. The stress of ‘getting it right’ reaches its climax and for some young people, if it’s not right it’s better in the bin.

But if you unfold that paper and trace the creases with your finger, you begin to understand that each line is an indication of that young person’s anxiety.

Our brains are complex. They can be our best friend or our worst enemy. But what I’m convinced of, more than ever, is that children and young people need vital support in coping with stress, anxiety and their emotional wellbeing.

This edition I’m thrilled to welcome Will van der Hart as our guest contributor on page 10. Will is Pastoral Chaplain at Holy Trinity Brompton and leader of the Mind & Soul Foundation, enabling churches to understand mental health and respond appropriately. His expert insight into this topic has an important message for us all.

You’ll also love Tierney’s story on page 8. Before TLG, Tierney struggled with life-controlling anxiety. But thanks to the support of TLG and a local church, she’s now happier, more confident and walking without fear. Just look at that beaming face on our front cover!

This year is set to be bigger than ever before for TLG. Thank you for standing with us and saying a big “yes!” to joining us in bringing hope and a future to struggling children and their families. Maybe you give, pray or volunteer; whatever part you play, we really couldn’t do this without you.

Tim Morfin TLG Chief Executive

Photography by Becky Joy Gorman

Finally breathing

When Millie-Rae first arrived at one of our TLG education centres, her life was defined by anger and anxiety to the point that she even struggled to breathe. But her time at TLG offered her the release that she so desperately needed.

“B

efore TLG, I just kept getting excluded. I found it hard to fit in with other people, particularly the other girls. I felt different and I didn’t feel like I could be around other people.

I struggle with anxiety. When I’m around a lot of people it makes me really anxious. Before, at mainstream school, it made me so nervous I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I’d be worried about everyday things but mainly I was focused on other people and I felt like nobody liked me. It really knocked my confidence.

I never asked for help either. I’d just argue in class and then I’d get kicked out. Out of class, I’d get into fights too. Conflict after conflict resulted in me being kicked out of my school completely. I was out of school for about five months. I was just at home sitting around doing nothing. At first I thought it was a free ticket and then I realised how bad it actually was. I think at the time I thought to myself, ‘oh, it’s fine. I’ll be alright in the future. I don’t need school.’ But then, as time dragged on, I started to realise how important school was.

More than anything, I needed someone to talk to.

When I arrived at TLG, at first I was really nervous. I didn’t know what to expect. But quickly I realised that the other students knew what I was going through. Everyone was really nice to me.

At TLG, the staff made the time to sit down and talk to me. I didn’t have the pressure of being surrounded by hundreds of people like in mainstream school. Instead, it was small and everyone was always happy, picking me up when I was angry. I learnt so much about being nice to other people.

I think Rosa was the main member of staff that I connected with. Whenever I did anything good she always used to point it out and it made me feel a lot better. Whenever I did something wrong, she’d always push me to be the best version of me. Whenever I was angry she’d give me the space I needed but also she’d talk to me about it. The whole team were just really, really helpful.

When I got back into mainstream school, I decided it was a fresh start for me. I used to always think I wasn’t smart enough and that I didn’t fit in. But TLG helped me to be a new person. I was able to connect with people, to open up, to make friends.

Now, I’m always listening in lessons, my grades have gone up and I’ve really planned out my future. I want to be a lawyer because I feel very

strongly about defending innocent people. I’ve even been in touch with a law firm in Manchester. They said that when I leave school they’d take me on as an apprentice and see how I go from there. I’ve proven that I’m very good at arguing but instead of just arguing with other people, I’d like to put it into a job instead!

I was invited to meet the Queen too. We went down to London to meet her and only certain people were allowed to go. She’s very small and she’s not really a talkative sort of person but she asked how I was and how I am at school. There’s no way the Millie-Rae before TLG would have been invited to meet the Queen. Back then I was just immature. I didn’t care about anything. But being at TLG helped me find the real me.

My family and I have started going to church and that’s really helped too. I believe that through God anything can be overcome. I’ve come so far and I think it was part of God’s plan for my life that I went to TLG.

- MILLIE-RAE

I still struggle with my anxiety sometimes. But now I’ve learned ways to cope and to help myself remain calm. If you’re distant with people and don’t open up about your feelings, the anxiety can really build. When I started meeting new people and being more adventurous things really changed.

My family and I have started going to church and that’s really helped too. I believe that through God anything can be overcome. I’ve come so far and I think it was part of God’s plan for my life that I went to TLG.

They changed my life around.”

Join us to transform more lives like Millie-Rae’s today, visit tlg.org.uk/donate

Photography by Hannah Beatrice Owens

Behind every child’s story is a bigger picture...

At the heart of TLG is a steadfast aim to support struggling children and families. With more and more children struggling with their mental health in particular, we’re really conscious that this growing problem needs highlighting. Our vision is that every child in need of support receives the help of a listening and caring adult through the local church.

One in ten children will experience a mental health problem, yet as a society we still seem to struggle to understand this. Mental health issues touch the lives of every family, and every congregation in England, the UK and across the globe and we must build more empathy and support for recovery.

- Dr Rowan Williams, former Archibishop of Canterbury

Research has found a particularly high incidence of deliberate self-harm among excluded young people.

3

Half of all mental health problems have been established by the age of 14. 1

One

in

fifty children

in the general population in 2015/16 was recognised as having a social, emotional and mental health need (SEMH) 2

The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation.

-

Bruce D. Perry (M.D., PhD), Senior Fellow of the Child Trauma Academy

A child’s mental health is just as important as their physical health and deserves the same quality of support. No one would feel embarrassed about seeking help for a child if they broke their arm - and we really should be equally ready to support a child coping with emotional difficulties.

- Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, advocate for children’s mental health care.

One in ten children

in the UK feel unable to cope with the school day. 4

Almost two-thirds of children say they worry

‘all the time’.

Children who are bullied at 13 are

70% of children

and adolescents who experience mental health problems have not had appropriate interventions at a sufficiently early age. 7

“As individuals we can’t force rises in mental health research and treatment budgets - but we can keep talking, keep campaigning and keep offering our young people the hope we hold.”

- Rachel Newham, Founding Director of ThinkTwice, a mental health awareness charity

At the end of last year, we reached an amazing milestone. Over 1000 of you have trained as Early Intervention coaches! That’s 1000 volunteers able to provide a listening ear for struggling children.

It all begins with local churches. To explore how your church could join a growing movement, visit www.tlg.org.uk/your-church

No longer hiding

I ended up with a place at a TLG Education Centre. When I first started attending, liked it but I was just so scared all the time and I would avoid going in. What did the other students think of me? Will I be able to catch up with my education? The questions kept going round in my head.

TLG helped me to be myself. They helped me to be who I really want to be.

- TIERNEY, 14

Throughout her childhood, Tierney’s struggles with anxiety robbed her of happiness. She feared everything and no one could come near her. But her time at TLG returned to her the joy she had lost and allowed her to be the person she was meant to be.

or me, mainstream school was really bad. I didn’t enjoy the teachers at all. They didn’t understand me. They didn’t understand that I struggle with anxiety. They would mostly just give up on me. Instead of trying to help me with the problem, they would just avoid it.

If you asked me what it was that made me anxious about school, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. It was just everything really. I’d had so many bad experiences at school that it really affected my anxiety and eventually I just stopped going altogether.

But even when I gave up on myself, the staff never gave up on me. When I didn’t come in for two weeks in a row, they still kept my place for me. They didn’t just kick me out. They gave me another chance and it made me want to keep trying. The difference was they took the time to understand me. They weren’t pushy or anything.

That’s how much I’ve changed.” “F

The teachers just threw me out of lessons. But it wasn’t like they had anything else planned for me. I’d just walk around the school because I didn’t have anything to do.

I’d say my anxiety was worst in primary school. I would miss even more days there than at secondary school. I would not go in for three weeks in a row. I got so behind at school. I was making no progress at all.

TLG has definitely helped me to be more confident – both in school and out of school. You see, before I went to TLG I wore this hat. It was like my comfort thing. I didn’t go anywhere without it. It would cover my face and I could hide behind it.

But TLG helped me to be myself. They helped me to be who I really want to be.

So one day I decided not to wear my hat anymore. TLG made me comfortable in my own skin. That was about a year ago and I’ve not worn it since. My biggest achievement at TLG is my attendance. Before TLG, I was probably going to school about one or two days a week. But my attitude has totally changed. I actually like school now. I try and get to school every single day of the week and if for any reason I can’t I get so disappointed!

Discover how your church can support struggling young people just like Tierney: tlg.org.uk/your-church

Photography by Lily Bungay

WILL VAN DER HART

keeping children in mind

The statistics speak for themselves. With more and more children struggling with their emotional wellbeing it can be challenging to know how best to provide crucial support. We asked Will van der Hart whether our society is failing these children and what, if anything, can the church do about it?

Tom (not his real name) is 8, his mother has just left three missed calls on my telephone because she, like many parents, does not know how to support him through his mental health struggles. He is part of what has been described as a mental health epidemic in the UK and yet he is also an individual child with specific needs that require attention.

The Mental Health Foundation says that 1 in 10 children are impacted by a mental health issue, but just 30% of these children receive adequate interventions at an early enough stage. This means that 70% of children who have an experience of mental ill heath will struggle to make an optimal recovery and could see their problems become more chronic.

It certainly doesn’t take much experience of pastoral ministry, teaching or social work to encounter children who are presenting mild depression or anxiety. NHS mental health services are generally very strong for children who are more acutely ill, but unfortunately many mild problems can become further entrenched and serious if they are not addressed early enough.

Having been involved in the mental health provision for the Grenfell Tower site over the last 6 months, I am quite defensive of my friends in the NHS. In my experience, they have provided a world-class response and expressed a level of care that is beyond normal professional expectations. It’s true that mental health services are underfunded

and patchy across the UK but we must never undervalue the caregivers themselves.

The pressures that are fuelling this epidemic of mental distress in children and the lack of preventative activity are concerning. The charity ‘Young Minds’ reported that between 20012011 admissions for young people who self-harmed increased by 68%. That is not a small anomaly in the data, that is a tanker driving through your spreadsheet.

The fact is, we can throw our hand up in horror at the failings of clinical provision and yet do nothing to actually improve the mental health of young people. Instead, we must consider how we can reduce our need for clinical services by reducing the demand and improving children’s mental wellbeing. This should be a key concern for our churches given the position we play at the centre of so many communities. We have the core

tools but we need to employ them with intention and wisdom.

It’s sad to see that children from unstable or divorcing families are at greater risk of developing mental health problems than children from secure and stable families. However it’s fantastic that churches who run marriage and parenting courses are providing such a front-line ministry in the work of supporting children’s mental health. Similarly, obesity and poor diet are significant risk factors for children’s wellbeing and again these things are being addressed through church cooking clubs and education groups.

Many children need a safe, nonjudgemental person to talk to, or a group of peers to dialogue with. The church boasts an army of skilled children’s and youth workers who could provide or facilitate this very function – all we need to do is envision and equip them.

We have to see each church community, particularly our own, as a part of the solution and not wait for people to be ‘fixed’ before we get involved.

The church has always been on the frontline of mental health care, but we are in danger of reneging on our responsibilities.

Whether a child needs clinical services or not, the integrative community care of the church is of great benefit. We have to see each church community, particularly our own, as a part of the solution and not wait for people to be ‘fixed’ before we get involved. The professionalisation of mental health provision is a good thing, but it does not mean that the rest of the community can just ‘leave it to the professionals’. Let’s get educated on mental health, get envisioned for the impact we can make, create partnerships with professional services and then get on with the work.

We can make a difference and in Jesus’ name I believe we will.

Reverend Will van der Hart is Pastoral Chaplain at Holy Trinity Brompton and specializes in emotional wellbeing. He has a broad experience of ministry within urban and sub-urban parishes in London.

Finding the words

For Brandon, communicating how he was feeling was harder than for other children. We asked his coach Christine how coaching through TLG has helped him to speak out. “W

hen I started coaching Brandon in year 4, I couldn’t understand a word he said. He’d been to a speech therapist once or twice but his mum had said it wasn’t any use. It had a knockon impact on his confidence and he was very quiet and shy when I first met. He wouldn’t come out of himself.

Before, I used to ask Brandon questions in our time together and all he’d do was nod his head. He didn’t really open up at all.

But I think it’s that one-to-one ‘me’ time that’s made all the difference for him.

The shyness has gone and now we have lots of conversations. When I go and collect Brandon from his classroom his face just lights up completely because he’s so excited!

Before, Brandon would struggle to form friendships because he struggled to communicate with other children and he was getting picked on a little bit but now he’s so much more confident and he’s forming some great friendships.

He’s a happier boy now. He’ll always tell me if something’s gone wrong. He’ll always tell me what it is and we can chat about it.

He’s an absolute joy and I’ve enjoyed it so much.”

Christine is a volunteer coach from Stoke-on-Trent. She and a team of 10 coaches from her church are transforming lives in their community through TLG Early Intervention. You could make a difference too! Visit tlg.org.uk/early-intervention to see what impact you can make.

What challenge will you choose?

I said, “I won’t make you but if you want to read a little bit together then we can do that”. So we read a couple of pages together each week just to help him. We’re still building his words up but he’s enjoying the opportunity to have a go.

We mostly play games together. I bring a few activities and I let him choose. Because of that, he’s talking more. In fact, he never stops talking!

What’s more, he struggled with his reading and writing and he fell very behind. Senior school was weighing on his mind because he knew his literacy levels were low. Brandon really wanted to improve his reading and writing before going there. He was desperate to learn.

Make 2018 the year you give something a go and fundraise for TLG at the same time!

Whether it’s a run, a swim, a bake-off, or even extreme ironing (trust us, it’s a real thing), are you up for saying a big ‘yes!’ to transforming the lives of struggling children and their families?

Start the ball rolling by visiting

Photography by Hazel Hughes

Pray with us

Thank you for faithfully standing with us in prayer. Your partnership is truly transforming the lives of children, young people and families across this nation.

“The Lord is near to all who call on Him, To all who call on Him in truth.”

Psalm 145 v18

INSPIRING GENEROSITY

Praise God for the incredible generosity of TLG supporters during our recent Christmas Appeal. Thanks to people just like you, we were able to raise more money than ever before and can offer places to struggling children on one of our 2018 residentials. For some young people, this will be the first holiday they have ever been on!

THE YEAR AHEAD

2018 will be TLG’s biggest year yet with more children supported than ever before. Pray that as TLG’s work grows, so too would the number of individuals and churches standing with us on behalf of children and refusing to accept the status quo.

LOOKED AFTER CHILDREN

Did you know that children in the care system are twice as likely to be excluded from school?

In one of our education centres, currently 100% of the students are looked after. Pray that all children would have a place they are pleased to call ‘home’ and an adult in their life that brings a positive influence.

Receive our prayer alerts!

Don’t just wait until the next magazine to pray for TLG. Join our WhatsApp broadcast to receive urgent prayer updates on behalf of struggling children and families across the UK. It just takes two very easy steps:

1. Add +44 (0)7712 705947 to your mobile phone contacts.

2. Text ‘PRAY’ in WhatsApp to the number above.

You’ll begin to receive free prayer updates straight to your phone. Don’t worry – we won’t use your number for any other purposes and if you don’t want to receive any more messages, all you need to do is text STOP to the same number. Also, it’s totally private. Your number will only be displayed to us.

I/we would like to become a Hope Giver and donate a monthly amount of:

Please claim gift aid on my donations to TLG today, in the past 4 years and in the future. confirm have paid or will pay an amount of Income Tax and/or Capital Gains Tax for each tax year (6 April to 5 April) that is at least equal to the amount of tax that all the charities of Community Amateur Sports Clubs (CASCs) that donate to will reclaim on my gifts for that tax year. understand that other taxes such as VAT and Council Tax do not qualify. understand TLG will reclaim 28p of tax on every £1 that gave up to 5 April 2008 and will reclaim 25p of tax on every £1 that give on or after 6 April 2008. Please notify TLG if your name, address or eligibility for Gift Aid change.

understand that this instruction may remain with TLG and,

festival family!

We’re inviting YOU to be part of TLG’s biggest summer ever!

In August 2018, TLG will take on the main arena café at the New Wine United festival and we need your help to make it happen! If you like coffee, cake, chatting and being part of an exciting team then we’d love to hear from you. So for a free ticket to the conference, all your food covered and a fun group of new friends, get in touch today!

Visit tlg.org.uk/new-wine to find out more or call our events team on 01274 900377 to grab a spot on our team before they’re gone!