TIPSS Content Catalogue October 2013

Content Catalogue October 2013

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Content Articles Special 1: October Anniversary Special 2: A Very British Trade: Smuggling Then and Now The Better Life: No Ifs or Buts Beauty: Quick and Easy Beauty Fixes Book Reviews: Nothing To Be Afraid Of Finance: How To Make Your Child a Millionaire Gardening Feature: Climbing Plants Health: It’s Good To Talk Humour: Me Tarzan, You Jane Home & Interiors: Using Pattern to Perfection The Life List: Halloween Habits Life Begins: Why We Love To Name and Shame Recipe: Chilli Chicken Stew Motoring Feature: A Week With A Legend: Driving 911 HUL Trivia: Around Britain - 5 Titanic Connections Short Story: A Stranger Comes Calling Tech Review: Light Up Your LIfe Travel Feature: Paris Off The Beaten Track

Puzzles

Cartoon 1 Cartoon 2 Children’s Page Cryptic Crossword Codeword General Knowledge Crossword Mini Cryptic Crossword Sudoku - Easy & Hard Super Duper Science Facts Hidato Pictogram Quiz 1: Halloween Quiz 2: Movie Killers Simple Crossword Spot the Difference Two Minute Trial Word Ladder Wordsearch: Chess

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Articles Special 1 October Anniversary October 6th 1888: Edison patents the Kinetoscope October 6th 1927: Warner Bros release The Jazz Singer

In the 1880s, inventors almost everywhere were trying to develop a more commercial variety of the magic lantern, which had been popular as a party novelty and fairground sideshow for generations. They mostly seem to have known what their competitors were up to, and if they heard of an idea they thought promising... they just stole it.

Take the Lumière brothers.

Their combined camera and projector, the Cinématographe, was actually invented by Léon Bouly and when he couldn’t afford to renew the patent, the brothers took it for themselves.

Furthermore an invention

by Charles-Emile Reynaud - perforated celluloid film – was also appropriated by the brothers despite a patent being in force. They showed their first film, the 49-second long Workers Leaving the Factory, in December 1895.

By 1895, though, the great American inventor Thomas Edison had already been cheerfully profiting from other people’s ideas for seven years.

In February 1888 he was approached by the English photographer Eadweard (no, really!) Muybridge with the idea of mounting stills on a phonograph cylinder.

Edison told Muybridge it was impractical, and on 6th October filed a pre-emptive patent for

the idea of – guess what – mounting stills on a phonograph cylinder. The Kinetoscope wasn’t that practical, though; the breakthrough came the following year when Eastman Kodak patented celluloid film on reels. Even Edison couldn’t steal from Kodak.

Kinetoscope films had to be watched one viewer at a time on a peep-show device, the Kinetograph – basically a What the Butler Saw machine – developed by Edison technician William Dickson, who wasn’t above a bit of plagiarism himself.

Dickson was approached by an inventor called Woodville Latham for advice on making the Eidoloscope, which projected the pictures on to a proper screen. Dickson took the idea, rechristened it the Mutoscope, and set up his own company. Edison hit back with Projectoscope, which was essentially the same idea, and the movie industry was born.

39 years later, moviegoers at the Warner Theatre in Times Square, New York, were stunned to hear Al Jolson say: “Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

You ain’t heard nothing yet!”

Jolson was a major star of musical theatre, and plenty of the guests at that evening’s premiere were more than familiar with the sound of his voice. But this was a movie

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– The Jazz Singer – and it was the first custom-made talkie in history. It was a sensation.

Warner Brothers had been developing the Vitaphone for some time and on October 7th 1926, released a recording of part of Jolson’s stage act. The Vitaphone was pretty crude: as each scene was filmed the dialogue was simply recorded onto a 16-inch shellac disc, and if the cinema projectionist dropped the needle on to the right place at the right time, then sound and motion were synchronised. But after just 20 plays the disc became impossibly scratched. RCA’s Photophone sound-on-film system was already welladvanced by the time The Jazz Singer came out and was officially launched the following year, making Warner’s Vitaphone obsolete almost overnight. So were silent movies: within two years of The Jazz Singer’s New York premiere, every studio in Hollywood was making only talkies.

Finally, supporting an idea that October could be Movie Month: on 5th October 1962 the world first heard Sean Connery utter the immortal line: “My name ish Bond – Jamesh Bond.”

The movie was Dr No, and if that’s not worth raising a vodka martini to, nothing is.

By Ted Bruning

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Special 2

A Very British Trade: Smuggling Then and Now

By James Smith @jsmithwriter http://jamessmithwriter.wordpress.com

Longer 1.5 and lives were p lost in skirmish age and battles. forasmtea,aspirits, As well t alsilks, so and lace imported to Britain, wool a was exported to France, v a ilable often in a direct exchange

Picture: Gnesener1900, Wikimedia Commons

Flick through the television channels any time of the day or night and you’re bound to come across one of those customs programmes with men in Hi-Vis jackets searching vans and lorries at Dover looking for contraband.

Such activities are part of an age-old trade: smuggling for financial gain and to avoid the arm of the law.

Then

The 18th Century antics of the smugglers and revenue men as characterised in J. Meade Falkner’s Moonfleet is a rather romanticised view of the activities. The book conjures images of rowing boats hauled ashore under the dead of night, with illegal loads of brandy and tea passed manto-man to the beach, and later concealed within the shadiest confines of a Dorset village.

In reality the business was a treacherous one dating back to the 13th Century when it was mainly the export of wool and hides. At that time, Britain’s taxes were at an inflated level to support expensive wars in Europe, so evading duty was a profitable business. By the 18th century smuggling was rife - a natural part of coastal life from which many towns flourished. A game of cat-andmouse ensued between the revenue men and smugglers,

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with no cash involved. The logistics of these operations were impressive, especially considering they were carried out during the era of sail, and off the dangerous seas and rocks of Britain’s notorious coastline.

Now

It’s of little surprise that the antics of today’s ‘Gentlemen of the Night’ bear little resemblance to those of the 18th century. Smuggling of goods and drugs is a major problem for Britain, with a large organised criminal element ready to risk all.

Tobacco and alcohol are still popular, with some daytrippers (often pensioners) saying they had been conned into bringing back carrier bags of contraband with them for a meagre fee of around £30.

The appalling practice of ‘people smuggling’ is another modern blight for the customs officials to confront, with illegal immigrants hidden in cars, caravans, and goods trucks, often for days in terrible conditions.

Then we have the serious

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business of drug trafficking, the ubiquitous modern-day vice. The airports battle to deal with ingenious methods of concealment within luggage, or more eye-watering ways within the human body. Meanwhile, the ferry ports X-Ray and search vehicles and use sniffer dogs - popular with everyday tourists, but not so with the lowly backpacker harbouring a joint tucked into his sock.

Two hundred years on, the sea continues to attract serious smugglers. A criminal gang were recently jailed for a £90 million haul of cocaine. They used an ocean-going yacht to transport it from Venezuela to Britain. All was going well until bad weather forced them to launch a 12-foot inflatable to land the bales of cocaine on a beach on the Isle of Wight.

Unfortunately for them The National Crime Squad and Customs had secretly been on their tail for months. The gang was apprehended and charged, with their leader, Michael Tyrrell, receiving a 26year sentence.

Smuggling is more sinister, more dangerous and more highly punished than ever. But the lure of riches remains and drives those bold or stupid enough to take on the customs men and claim the prize.

The Better Life

The Better Life No Ifs or Butts

There are two things you can say with confidence, where we live. Firstly, that it rains - a lot. Secondly, if you don’t like the weather, just give it half an hour and then there might be something along that’s more to your taste.

If, like us, you’re keen on becoming more green, having a water butt is a must.

Otherwise, you’re literally tipping a valuable resource down the drain.

Our problem has always been the layout of the garden. Well, that and my feebleness at lugging watering cans around.

But Anne, who uses the Internet for research rather than Twitter, found a solution.

“This water butt,” she declared, pointing at the screen, “will fill other water butts for us - and wherever we want to place them.” I must have made a ‘wow’ face because Anne immediately nodded sagely in my

by Derek Thompson

direction.

Our Rainwater Hub arrived a few days later in the post. (Anne had, of course, ordered it before showing me, to save time.) After I’d prowled around it a couple of times, we agreed to let our neighbour put it up, so that it was done properly. To be fair, the instructions were easypeasy, only I’m known to be drilly-silly.

The neighbour popped over in the week, looked over the paperwork and scratched his head. “Are you sure it goes up on the wall?” “Of course,” I replied with my rehearsed answer, “it’s a gravity fed system.” Now it was his turn to make a ‘wow’ face and he didn’t disappoint.

I left him to it and went off to make some kindling - because every man likes to feel useful.

Half an hour later, the Rainwater Hub was installed and connected by a hose to water butt number two.

The next day it absolutely poured down and, after a little trial and error (the error being that I hadn’t read the butt connection instructions properly - too busy sniggering), I checked the online video and soon everything was in place.

The hub and our three water butts were duly named John, Paul, George and Ringo.

Collectively: The Buttles. The whole system is, in effect, one giant water butt, only

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it’s spaced out around the garden.

Now for the first time, we can also use rainwater, from the hub’s second tap, for the indoor plants in the conservatory; great news for us, the sweet peppers and the chillies, as we’re on a water meter.

The cat was curious about all the garden hoses, but soon went back to stalking the frog that Anne discovered in the damp ground behind the monbretia. Being able to harvest this much rain also means we can wash the car for free, should I ever get round to it. It’s on my list, along with growing kale beside the perpetual chard and trying a small lemon tree in the conservatory.

Our handyman neighbour has already been back to see the hub in action, and to see the storage capacity of the system. He dropped hints about us renaming John in his honour. However, as he’s not named George (as in Martin), Pete (as in Best), or Stuart (as in Sutcliffe), that’s pretty unlikely. Mind you, there’s always the possibility of adding another Buttle to the band!

Derek Thompson is a writer and humourist based in the West Country.

His writing blog can be found at www.alongthewritelines. blogspot.com and he is also a regular at www.strictlywriting. blogspot.com

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Beauty

Beauty Quick and easy beauty fixes We have some top beauty tips that will make you look gorgeous in minutes.

For a Whiter Smile Brighten up your smile by adding a little baking soda to your toothpaste. It’s a really effective way of removing surface stains which are caused by tooth discoloring food and drinks.

Make your teeth appear whiter by choosing a lipstick in a flattering shade: Bold rich reds and berry colours help your teeth appear several shades lighter, and pink or red hues with a blue undertone immediately make your pearly whites stand out because the blue undertones counteract yellow stained enamel.

Orange and yellowy toned reds or coral shades have the opposite effect as they will actually make your teeth appear more stained and enhance their yellow hue.

If reds or pinks aren’t your thing, then try a subtle lip shade in a shimmering, glossy neutral colour which disguise greying enamel.

For a Healthy Glow To instantly enhance your complexion and create a healthy, youthful glow, all you will need is a pink coloured blusher and a shimmering highlighter.

Sculpt and enhance your cheekbones by applying your blusher first. The pink shade

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will add a flush of colour to your skin, making your whole face appear brighter and more youthful.

Next, apply a highlighter - powder and cream versions work well Image courtesy of Estee Lauder - to the top of your For Kissable Lips cheekbones and blend well.

Lips look best when they’re You can also use a little of the relaxed. Many of us clench product under your eyebrows and tense our lips, making to draw attention to your eyes, as well as a dab on your cupids them look smaller, harder and altogether less kissable. Relax bow to make your lips look them by parting them a little, fuller. this makes them look instantly For an Instant Facelift fuller.

Sparse or unruly brows are Get super soft lips by applying equally ageing. If you’ve overa generous amount of lip balm plucked in the past, fill-out all over, then gently exfoliate your brows by using both a using a dry toothbrush or good quality eyebrow pencil facecloth to remove all dead and eyebrow powder, in a skin and reveal kissable soft colour that’s one shade lighter lips. Finish off by applying than your hair, to add subtle some more balm. definition.

Longer 1½ page format a o Bushy brows need tols be avshaped. carefully First, remove a i l a b e any hair that grows lbeyond your upper brow line - do this by brushing your eyebrows up with a brow brush - and snipping off the long ends.

Then, brush the hair downwards in the opposite direction and cut the hairs that extend past the lower brow line.

Gradually tweeze away hairs in a line that tapers when you reach the peak of your arch.

Take a little from each brow at a time and keep them both looking even.

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For a Wide-eyed Look Open up your eyes in an instant by carefully lining along your top lashes with a black liquid eyeliner - brown works well with blonde hair and is a softer alternative to black if you’re more mature.

Position eyelash curlers at the base of your top lashes and gently squeeze. Set with a few coats of either black or brown mascara, depending on which eyeliner shade you select.

Line under your bottom lashes and finish with a slick of white eyeliner on the inner rim of your eye.

By Helen Taylor

Book Reviews

Nothing To Be Afraid Of

The Shining Stephen King For Jack Torrance, taking a new job as caretaker at the remote Overlook Hotel is far from the fresh start he’s hoping for. Off-season at a deserted hotel means a playground for madness, leaving Jack and his unsuspecting family isolated and in danger. Five year old Danny Torrance is the only one who can sense the horrors to come. He’s gifted with ‘the shining’, a sort of sixthsense for the sinister and the threatening. As the snow begins to fall, the curtain of madness descends.

The Day of the Triffids John Wyndham Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the garden…

If you’ve ever hated that ‘morning after the night before’ feeling then Bill Masen is having the day from hell. He misses a major meteorite shower because his eyes have been bandaged, but the next morning is far from a sight for sore eyes.

He wakes to find everyone else has been blinded and the world has become a postapocalyptic nightmare. Written in a time rife with Cold War paranoia, Wyndham’s vision of bio-warfare has made this a science fiction classic.

If you don’t open your door to trick-or-treaters, try opening up a book with a terrifying plotline. There are plenty of great novels and short stories to start your knees knocking and teeth chattering for this time of year…

The Enemy Charlie Higson Your teenagers will either love this book, or it’ll terrify the pants off them. In a postapocalyptic London, all adults have been infected with a sickness, effectively rendering them zombies. They’re hungry and crazed and are running amuck in the capital, leaving everyone under fourteen who have survived the zombie virus to either find a place to hide, or come up with a plan to defeat them. It’s the first in an absolutely cracking series.

Just don’t make it your bedtime reading.

The Best Short Stories of Edgar Allan Poe Edgar Allen Poe The master of gothic horror, Poe doesn’t fail to send a chill down even the most rigid of spines. He has perfected the art of the psychological thriller with his tales of lunatics, ghosts and murderers all riddled with the human characteristics of jealousy, deviousness, lust for revenge and sometimes just pure hatred. Whether it’s the ‘da-dum, da-dum’ of ‘The Tell-Tale Heart’ or the haunting refrain of ‘The Raven’, his tales of terror will crawl inside your head, make a little nest, and stay there…until you’re just about to nod off to sleep.

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1984 George Orwell.

‘Who controls the past controls the future: who controls the present controls the past’.

Winston Smith works in the Record Department at the Ministry of Truth and is beavering away rewriting history to manipulate the present and future. Under the watchful eye of Big Brother, Winston secretly plots to overthrow the totalitarian regime. He’s going to need an ally and he thinks he’s found it in the form of new love, fellow-worker Julia. One of the most influential books ever written, Orwell’s dystopian vision has spawned many an imitator and many a reality TV show. Oh, the irony.

American Psycho Bret Easton Ellis If this book teaches you one lesson, it’s to screen people thoroughly because even the handsome ones can be absolute nutters. Enter Patrick Bateman: Wall Street yuppie by day and psychopathic serial killer of young ladies by night.

Let’s just say, he has a lot of nasty habits he wouldn’t want to list on his dating profile…and they’re all described in graphic detail for us. Proof that the devil takes many pleasing guises.

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Finance

Finance How to make your child a millionaire Raising children costs a small fortune (it’s currently estimated at around £200,000), but if you’re clever, you could help them to become millionaires.

Pensions for babies Stakeholders

Probably the easiest type of pension to take out for your child is the Stakeholder pension. Anyone is allowed to set one up which means that a child’s legal guardian(s) can start a pension for newborns.

You can pay in up to £2,880 each tax year, which is then topped up by a government tax-back incentive to £3,600.

You can stop and start contributions as you wish without being penalised and the minimum amount you can pay in at any time is £20.

Anyone can add to it and if the full amount is paid each year, by the time the child is 55 they will have well over £700,000 and if they access the account at 70 they will have over £1.8 million.

The money invested won’t be accessible until the child reaches 55 meaning they can’t blow it all when they hit 18. Once they start working, they can also contribute. They will receive tax benefits if their income is less than £130,000.

You can find out more at Moneymagpie.com. There’s also a list of registered

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stakeholder pension scheme providers at www. thepensionsregulator.gov.uk.

SiPPs

Longer 1½ page format also further information is www. available familyinvestments.co.uk.

Teaching your child

You can also set up a Selfinvested Personal Pension (SiPP) for your little one. Like a Stakeholder, they are open to anyone but the difference here is that you manage the money in it. So instead of leaving it to a pension fund to decide what to invest in, you choose the products yourself, whether it be shares, bonds, commercial property or other things.

Junior ISAs

ISAs are savings accounts which allow you to deposit a maximum of £3,600 a year completely tax-free, attracting interest as well. Your child has access to the money when they turn 18.

Should you contribute the maximum amount each year, the fund could grow to a whopping £64,800 plus interest by the time they reach adulthood.

You can choose either a cash ISA or a stocks and shares one. As your child has a good few years for the fund to grow, you could start with a stocks and shares ISA and then gradually change into cash for the last 5 to hold onto gains.

The only snag with a Junior ISA is that if you were eligible for a Child Trust Fund you can’t open a Junior ISA. A good place for

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about money

A sure-fire of making your child a millionaire, or at least comfortably off, is to teach her how to manage her money early on.

Start as soon as they can toddle round the supermarket with you. Ask them to tell you the numbers on the price labels and then, later, run around finding the cheapest version of what you want to buy. Give them pocket money and set up a savings account, showing them how their money can grow over time. Go to pfeg.org for downloadable financial education guides that will help.

Remember, it doesn’t matter how much money your child has later on, if she knows how to live below her means and save for her future she will never be poor.

Fun fact: On average, parents are putting savings of £42.45 aside a month for each child.

By Jasmine Birtles, Moneymagpie.com

Gardening

Climbing Plants Climbing plants, especially those with flamboyant flowers or fantastic foliage can transform a garden and offer a whole new planting opportunity, as your garden literally goes upwards and takes a vertical climb.

Supporting Cast A few climbers are self-clingers and don’t need a special support system when grown against a fence or wall; Virginia creeper and Hydrangea petiolaris for instance. But most need to have a proper support, and it pays to put this in place before you plant. For lighter weight climbers some trellis, perhaps prettily painted will do the trick, but for heavier climbers such as a vigorous clematis, or wisteria, you will need galvanised straining wires.

Easy Access If you use trellis as a support on a wall, it can be attached to wooden battens which are fixed to the wall using rawl plugs. Use a series of hinges to attach one edge of the trellis to the batten, and a few hooks to allow you to raise or lower the trellis for when you need to maintain the wall.

Planting Distance Climbers won’t thrive if they don’t receive enough water at the base. The ‘rain shadow’ created by the house roof and the drying effect of the wall’s foundations can make the soil close-by extremely dry so plant a minimum of 45cm (18in) away from the base of the wall and fork in plenty of well-rotted bulky organic matter before planting too.

Train it well If the climber is quite small, it may need to be trained in the right direction. A short bamboo

longer cane or several for a multistemmed 1plant, ½ pcanabeplant gangled eto the from the base of the vertical surface, allowing you to f o r m aand t aedgelsothem tie in the stems towards the support. Once the avareached ilabthelewall, climber has the enlarging network of stems may become congested if left to its own devices, so actively train the stems to grow in the direction you need them to.

Ten Top Climbers Climbing roses Honeysuckle Clematis Hydrangea petiolaris Vitis coignetiae Solanum crispum Tropaeolum speciosum Akebia quinata Actinidia kolomikta Parthenocissus henryana Extra Care Climbers planted against a wall will need extra TLC if they’re to look their best. Make watering them top-priority, especially for the first 18 months whilst they’re becoming established. Apply a good, bulky organic mulch to a depth of about 8cm (3in) or so all around the rooting area, but take care to avoid the mulch coming in to direct contact with the stems.

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by Pippa Greenwood

Arches, Arbours and Pergolas Climbers don’t just look good on house, garden and garage walls and fences, they can also be used to great effect over arches and pergolas or to clothe an arbour. You may need to install some supporting wires here too, so go for galvanised wires and sturdy vine-eyes as fixings.

Choosing a scented climber or two will add to the charm of a cosy arbour or archway.

Clever Combinations If the surface that you want to plant up is big enough, try to use climbers that flower in different seasons as, chosen carefully, the plants you use will increase the period for which the arch, pergola, arbour, wall or fence, looks its best.

Bare Ankles Many climbers do have a habit of becoming a bit bare at the base, especially after they’ve been in place for a few years.

Try some seasonal bedding plants around the base, or plant a small and attractive shrub a little further away to hide the bare stems.

Visit Pippa’s website www. pippagreenwood.com where you can sign up for her free newsletter, and buy a great range of gardening products including Nemaslug, caterpillar, ant, vineweevil and other Nemasys controls, snail and slug barriers, Enviromesh and Envirofleece.

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Health

It’s Good To Talk More of us are open to the idea of seeking counselling to help us cope when life becomes complicated.

We go to the gym to feel good physically; we have massages to feel good holistically; so counselling can be thought of as a sort of ‘mind massage’, giving you the opportunity to let your words and emotions out without being judged.

The number of people accessing mental health services has risen steadily in recent years, yet not everyone will use NHS services. You might decide to go private for a number of reasons - there may be a waiting list or a lack of availability in your area, for example.

“I started off by having counselling under the NHS, but this meant I couldn’t choose my counsellor. I didn’t really get on with her, and I wasn’t able to select what type of counselling therapy she followed,” said Samantha, 28 years’ old. “I decided that it was better to go down the private route.”

Taking control of your life Counselling can help you when you’re struggling to cope, whether it’s for depression, stress and anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, borderline personality disorder, eating disorders, drug or alcohol misuse, bereavement, sexuality issues, or post-traumatic disorder and there are many different types of counselling therapies.

There’s no shame in seeking further help; instead of seeing it as a weakness, it can be

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longer 1½ page format also available

the first step towards taking control of your life and finding new strength, especially if you feel you have nobody close to confide in.

A counsellor won’t tell you what choices to make or offer you specific advice, but they will guide you and help you understand why you may be feeling a certain way. Your first visit will give you and your therapist the opportunity to decide if you feel comfortable with each other and to talk about what you want to achieve from the sessions. Some sessions can even take place online, for example using Skype for video calls.

What makes a good counsellor?

A good counsellor should not judge or criticise you, but instead will focus on what you are saying in order to help you deal with your problems.

If you feel that things aren’t going the way you want them to, then you should discuss this with your counsellor first to see if anything can be improved before going to a new one.

Regular sessions are also a good idea so that you can start to see a difference.

All counsellors are required to have supervision and counselling themselves as part of their training.

Payments and accreditation Fees can differ depending on the experience of the

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By Julia Faulks counsellor and the number of sessions you commit to.

Ensure that any health professional you go with is registered and approved. You can find out more about this by getting in touch with one of the following bodies or visiting the relevant websites: • British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) • UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP): psychotherapists • The British Association for Behavioural & Cognitive Psychotherapies (BABCP) • British Psychological Society: psychologists • Association for Family Therapy (AFT): family therapists • British Psychoanalytic Council (BPC): psychoanalytic psychotherapists • College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (COSRT, formerly BASRT): couples counselling and sex therapists If you can’t afford private therapy, then it’s important not to try and deal with things on your own. Your GP can talk to you about other options available as well as letting you know about free talking therapies from charities or voluntary organisations.

Humour

Me Tarzan, You Jane I just got back from a Stag Do. Many parts of me hurt, quite a lot.

by Chris Russell

I have consumed punishing amounts of lager and junk food, exchanged forty-eight hours’ worth of good-natured (but unrepeatable) insults and made an enormous twit out of my big brother. All of which is exactly how it should be. We had an amazing time.

Breaking down the events of the weekend, I find myself reflecting on the wondrous phenomenon that is male bonding, which is nowhere more potent than on a Stag Do. We drink, we sing, we make playful remarks about each other’s sexuality and then we kick a football around. No one falls out, and nobody cries. Easy.

Now my mum - who has raised five (mostly quite metrosexual) boys - maintains that it’s much harder to be a man now than it was for, say, the wartime generation. Back then, a man was a man and a woman was a woman. He wasn’t expected to exfoliate and she wasn’t expected to complain if he never brought her flowers. Strangely, the evolution of Modern Man has led him to a place where he is required to groom fastidiously and appreciate Downton Abbey but, at the same time, still be able to grate cheese on his abs. And this can be confusing for simpleminded folk like ourselves.

Despite this, I can’t help but feel that it’s still far harder to be a woman than it is to be a man, although not because of the obvious things like unequal pay, or the pain of childbirth.

No, there’s one single thing that makes being a woman ten times harder than being a man, and I’ll tell you what it is.

It’s other women.

I’ve learned this from my girlfriend, who makes no bones about the fact that most of her daily insecurities relate to a not uncommon terror of what other girls will think about her hair, make-up, clothes and relative level of fatness. I used to think

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this was just rhetoric, and that she didn’t really diet and moisturise and buy new clothes just to impress girls, but it turns out I WAS WRONG. How do you people function under these conditions?

As a result, of course, Hen Dos are a veeeery different affair from Stags. Girls apparently do things like play The Compliment Game, where everyone sits in a circle and opines about how wonderful the bride is. Involvement is mandatory. All of which is somewhat undermined by the amount of catty gossiping that tends to take place before and after the event. You see, social studies have indicated that men generally take the mickey out of each other in person, but as soon as one bloke leaves the room, everyone enthuses about what a fantastic chap he is. Women, it would appear, often work the other way round.

I hope it doesn’t seem like I’m generalising here, or stereotyping the sexes, because as a slight, floppy-haired artist with a penchant for dressing flamboyantly I’m probably already about 34% female myself. Mainly my message is simply to appeal to you ladies to just be a little bit nicer to each other. Stop giving yourselves such a hard time; you are all wonderful people.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off for a soothing papaya facial because I’m a modern man, and by golly I’m worth it.

Chris is a freelance writer and musician with internationallyrenowned rock band The Lightyears. The Lightyears, voted the UK’s BEST POP/ROCK ACT at the Indy Awards, have played Wembley Stadium, toured across four continents and released a record with Sting’s producer.

Chris has recently completed his first book, “Mockstars”, based on The Lightyears’ tour diaries. Find out more at www.

MockstarsTheNovel.com.

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Home & Interiors Using Pattern to Perfection From the subtlest of stripes to the boldest of modern floral prints, pattern offers infinite choices to suit any space.

Pattern, like colour, can be a wonderful addition to a home, providing character and vitality, whether in the form of an entire, complex scheme, or simple touches such as a wallpapered wall or a set of cushions. Pattern can create a focal point: take a tatty old armchair, re-cover it in an oversized print and think of the impact, for example. Pattern can provide subtle interest through a few simple pieces featuring charming, understated designs. Or it can be the raison d’être of an entire room, a complex combination of patterned walls, rugs, fabrics and accessories.

Using pattern can seem tricky, but it’s not actually as complex as it may seem.

It’s best to start by working out where you stand in terms of pattern predilection.

Simple, graphic motifs in muted colours or naturalistic designs in vivid shades?

Large scale or small?

Historical prints or modern?

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Shorter 1youplike And would agjust ea dash of pattern to enliven formaplain an otherwise t aroom, ls or a striking combinationoof avforaanilaall-over patterns blelook?

You may own the perfect

inspiration already: an antique quilt, a painted vase, a print from an old book or a favourite shirt, perhaps.

Look through magazines and books for further ideas, and borrow ideas from other people’s homes, or even from fashionable bars, restaurants or shops.

Combining designs can be as simple as choosing a floral and a stripe in one colourway, or it may involve more time and effort spent on putting together just the right elements from a variety of sources. Wherever you find your patterned fabric, however, try to obtain large samples and, before spending a great deal of money, hang them in place to gain a really good idea of their final effect.

There’s no denying that it’s easier to go down the simple Copyright TIPSS 2013

By Katherine Sorrell route with pattern, and limit it to appearing in just one or two places. But combining a variety of patterns, though harder to get right, can be tremendously exciting and full of impact. Whatever items you’re putting together, there are some guidelines that will help make the best of them.

First, when mixing pattern with pattern or, indeed, pattern with plain, a really good colour match is important. This will hang the whole effect together. Stand back and assess which colours are most visible in your patterns, then aim to combine one main colour with two or three highlights.

After working out a comfortable colour balance, think about scale. In bigger rooms, you can afford to use very large-scale patterns for impact, while smaller rooms are generally better suited to medium- or smallscale patterns – unless you want to make a particular feature out of a tiny room

by blasting it with a giant pattern.

Second: When combining patterns, aim to vary their scales – to avoid monotony – without going to extremes.

Dramatic changes of scale tend to look strange. Don’t forget that very small patterns are only really noticeable close up; from a distance they look like a plain colour. Though sometimes this can be a disappointment, it may also be an advantage, as a tiny pattern can be used as a lovely addition to a scheme that calls for a decorative but subtle element.

Third: density. Loose, open patterns give a visual ‘breather’, while intricate patterns with closely placed

designs have more drama.

As with scale, when using several types of pattern together, a variety of densities gives balance and interest.

Fourth: design. Abstract, figurative, retro, traditional, modern – you name it, there’s something for everyone. Avoid an incongruous mix by limiting your pattern combinations to designs that originate from the same era or stylistic aesthetic. A delicate Georgian floral is unlikely to sit well next to a Seventies abstract geometric, for example, but will look great when combined with another pretty, spriggy floral of whatever origin.

Remember that plains and stripes are brilliant at

co-ordinating with more intricate patterns.

And finally: cheat! If you love the idea of pattern but are really stuck, check out manufacturers’ wallpaper and fabric pattern books, which show you how to mix and match with ease.

Keep experimenting and persevere. Success with pattern is simply a case of trial and error, putting different things together and changing them around until you’re totally happy with the results – a coherent, confident look that has great pattern panache.

Image: In this warm and cosy scheme, a large peony pattern is mixed with checks and stripes in matching and co-ordinating colours.

All furniture and fabrics from Laura Ashley (0871 983 5999; lauraashley. com).

The Life List

The Life List Halloween Habits Childhood, as I recall, was marked by annual traditions - there was Christmas, New Year, Easter, the long, glorious summer break from school, and finally Halloween. When you’re an adult, it can seem like it’s only for the kids now, but those Halloween habits are still just as relevant when viewed from another angle.

1. Trick or Treat - strictly speaking, for grown-ups, this now comes with the Chancellor’s Autumn Statement in November.

And sadly, if you are a saver, there are usually few treats.

2. Bobbing for apples - a great way to test your teeth and gums. The winner is the person who finds an apple that has not been grown in a poly tunnel and which actually tastes of apple.

3. Bonfires - this ancient ritual involves sacrificing pallets and old furniture in order to undercook or cremate baked potatoes. No one really knows why.

4. Shops selling Christmas cards (to be fair they’ve probably been doing this since September and the Valentine cards are already in storage).

5. Carving pumpkins into lanterns - a great way to scare away your neighbour’s children.

Often combined with sitting in the back room in the dark - a great way to save on electricity.

6. Telling scary stories - these often involve hospital visits, the car’s annual service, that last holiday where one of you was nearly caught short or the perils of online dating.

7. Watching scary films - anything 3D without the glasses (although it’s often more blurry than scary).

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© Derek Thompson www.alongthewritelines.blogspot.com

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Life Begins

Life Begins Why we love to name and shame

I recently called on an elderly relative at her residential care home. Once a stately Georgian mansion, the place now exuded an air of faded gentility.

A neatly-uniformed member of staff ushered me into the TV lounge, where several old ladies sat in front of a large screen, clearly absorbed by the programme they were watching.

As I approached a burst of screams, yells and bleeps erupted from the television and I suddenly realised what they were watching. It was “The Jeremy Kyle Show”.

If you have - so far - managed to avoid the show, it can only be described as a no-holds-barred, real-life confessional drama played out between two warring factions and refereed by its titular host.

So why would a group of genteel octogenarians choose to watch this televised slanging match? Love it or hate it, with viewing figures in excess of 1.5 million, the show’s popularity can’t be denied. However, the underlying reasons for this popularity may not be quite so

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Longer 1½ page format asome lso apparent. In order to shed light on oura enthusiasm for v a lablewe public naming and ishaming need to delve deep into Britain’s social history.

The culture of public blame and retribution was widely encouraged in medieval times.

Argumentative women in particular often fell victim to the scold’s bridle (a piece of iron headgear with spikes to suppress the movement of the tongue) or the ducking stool.

There was also the ‘Shrew’s Fiddle’, a violin-shaped piece of wood which clamped the head and hands together. Held in this device, a woman could be pulled along the street where she would meet with catcalls from her neighbours. Individuals who had fought one another were sometimes attached together by the ‘necks’ of the fiddles and forced to confront each other until they had argued out their differences.

The stocks – a kind of wooden wall exposing the head and hands - was another popular form of rough justice. Trapped in this way, miscreants could be

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By Kate McLelland publicly insulted and pelted with rotten fruit - or worse.

Throughout the medieval period, victims were generally drawn from the peasant class, but during the Elizabethan era people of much higher status were also punished for breaking religious and social conventions.

The Church Courts (or ‘Bawdy Courts’) meted out fines or penances for petty crimes such as non-attendance at church, drunkenness, blasphemy, verbal abuse and adultery. Penitents had to sit or stand on a stool in church during the Sunday service, dressed from head to toe in a white sheet, and they were often forced to confess their crimes in intimate detail.

Even high profile individuals were not exempt. William Shakespeare’s son-in-law Thomas Quiney was hauled up before the magistrates for making a young woman pregnant prior to his marriage to the playwright’s younger daughter, Judith. Some historians believe that the resulting family scandal – combined with the shameful threat of public penance – served to hasten Shakespeare’s death.

The Jeremy Kyle Show has been variously described in the press as a “freak show” or “gutter garbage”, but it clearly appeals to its audience at a very deep level. Whatever our reasons for enjoying this public airing of other people’s dirty laundry, it’s fascinating to note that our ancestors relished exactly the same public displays of confession, penitence and punishment.

Recipe

Chilli Chicken Stew Serves 6 - 8

Ready in 1 hour 45 minutes

With Halloween at the end of the month, why not plan a ghostly gathering and serve up this hot and spicy chicken stew? Perfect for filling up hungry trick or treaters.

Ingredients: • 1-2 tbsp sunflower oil sunflower • 1 large onion, peeled and cut onion, peeled into chunks chunks • 2 • 2 garlic cloves, peeled and 2 cloves, peeled and crushed • 1 • 1 small red chilli pepper, 1 pepper, deseeded and finely chopped deseeded finely chopped (optional) • 6 • 6 large skinless chicken 6 large skinless fillets, cut into pieces fillets, cut into • 2 x 400g can chopped 400g can chopped tomatoes • 2 tbsp sun-dried tomato puree sun-dried tomato puree • 2 tsp dried oregano oregano • 1 x 400g can kidney beans in chilli sauce • 1 red, 1 green and 1 yellow pepper, deseeded and diced • Salt and freshly ground black pepper • Warm crusty bread, to serve

Heat 1 tbsp of the oil in a large, deep flameproof casserole and fry the onion and garlic for 5 minutes until softened and and golden. Add the chilli pepper (if using) and and chicken pieces and cook over a medium medium chicken heat, stirring all the time, until the chicken adding pieces are lightly browned all over, adding a little extra oil if needed. tomatoes, puree, Stir in the tomatoes, tomato puree, oregano and 200ml water and bring to oregano and 200ml bring to the boil. Season well with salt and freshly the boil. Season well and freshly ground black pepper then reduce the heat, ground black reduce the heat, partially cover and simmer for 40 minutes, partially simmer for 40 minutes, stirring occasionally. beans and diced Add the kidney beans and diced peppers to the casserole and simmer, uncovered, casserole and simmer, for a further 20-25 mins until the peppers a further 20-25 mins until are tender and some of the liquid has are tender and some of reduced. Serve in mugs or bowls with reduced.

Serve in chunks of warm crusty bread. chunks of

Tip For a hot non-alcoholic punch to serve with the stew, pour a large carton of apple juice into a saucepan. Core and slice 2 small apples and add to the pan with one thinly sliced lemon and a couple of cinnamon sticks. Heat gently for about 10 minutes, then pour in 1 litre of ginger ale. Heat through for a further minute then serve in heatproof glasses or tumblers.

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Motoring

A Week With A Legend: Driving 911 HUL I’d been looking forward to this moment for years. For some in the office too young to remember, it meant nothing – but for me it was a coming of age. Finally I’d be driving a Porsche with the famous 911 HUL number plate.

I’ve been a motoring nut for years, spending money I often didn’t have on car magazines, long before I could even drive.

And it was on those glossy pages that I became familiar with the famous plate. Owned

by Porsche GB for decades it was the first private plate the firm acquired and ever since has taken pride of place on the Porsche press fleet Turbo models.

I’d seen it flying through the air in pictures on the pages of Evo, shot by countless talented car snappers over the years, and now it was my time to drive it. Here’s my week behind the wheel of Porsche’s fastest 997 edition – the 911 Turbo S with a very special moniker.

Day One

It’s only you that cares – shouted one pre-pubescent member of the team as I explained, to yet another 911 admirer who clearly didn’t share my enthusiasm for six

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numbers and letters, what the plate meant to car fans.

Most people were more interested in the colour our test car had arrived in. Paint jobs make or break cars and the camouflage green our test car had arrived in was clearly splitting opinion.

Still, it could have been painted pink for all I cared as what was sitting over the rear wheels was far more of interest to me. The 3.8-litre, turbo-charged lump produces a whopping 530bhp and 700Nm of torque thanks to a tweaked turbo output. The drive north to our photoshoot at Rockingham was one of the longest (traffic) but most enjoyable I’ve ever had.

Day Two

Photoshoot day at Rockingham and we’ve got 15 cars lined up for a series of tests. Also here is three times British superbike championship winner John Reynolds on the latest Suzuki GSX-R1000. He’s at our shoot to take on the Nissan Juke R (search for the video on YouTube) but it’s only fair we let him try his luck against the Porsche too…

With a 0-60mph sprint time of 3.1 seconds, the PDK

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automatic gearbox and launch control system mean that’s very achievable every time.

Engage Sport Plus, floor the throttle with your foot on the brake, and the revs settle at a heady rpm. When you lift off the brake the car thunders towards the finish line in a cacophony of air sucking, turbo whooshing and tyres ripping chunks out of the asphalt. All I have to do is steer.

You can see the results of our race in another video on YouTube…

Day Three

Two tanks of fuel into the loan and I’m impressed the Turbo S is returning 26mpg. My old Focus ST never got any better than 23mpg on a long journey and considering this has such an almighty power output that’s very impressive. Today I’m heading into London for a meeting with the Queen. Well, I say meeting, I really mean a concert in her garden for the Coronation Festival.

For what is essentially a rival to a Ferrari 458 or McLaren 12C, the Turbo S is fantastically well behaved in the clogged up capital.

Visibility is excellent and although it’s got a low splitter

at the front, speed humps aren’t really a problem nor tight underground and overpriced car parks.

The drive back south is a magical one. London’s streets are a joy in the small hours of the morning and each traffic light gives me a chance to test the wife’s neck muscles.

Day Four-Six

It’s the Goodwood Festival of Speed, Porsche is headlining the event, celebrating 50 years of the 911, and I can’t quite believe I’ve got the honour of driving 911 HUL to the south coast celebration of combustion.

It’s clear on the way there and back that the plate doesn’t just hold sway with me. I lose count of the number of phones I see trained on the Porsche, capturing pictures for tweets and status

updates.

Day Seven

Another business trip north beckons and my colleague and I decide to leave after the evening’s rush hour. Gosport to Chester – some 250 miles – lay ahead and even at 9pm the digital temperature gauge is reading 25 degrees C. Hot tarmac and sticky tyres make the trip a delight as we collect the cast and extras of Bug’s Life on the bonnet. The seats get a little uncomfortable over long distance – they’re fixed carbon fibre jobs – but apart from that the Turbo S is a competent tourer.

It’s time for 911 HUL to return to Porsche. After a week behind the wheel of the monster I’m smitten. Yes, the ride is firm and the tyre noise a little intrusive. Granted the seats aren’t the most

cosseting and the 997 interior is showing its age now the 991 has arrived.

However, never have I driven a car quite so intoxicating, quite so full of character and quite so mind-alteringly fast as the Turbo S. The fact it was wearing one of the most iconic plates in motoring folklore simply made the whole experience all the more special.

The Knowledge Porsche 911 Turbo S Price: £130,791 Engine: 3.8-litre, turbo Power: 530bhp, 700Nm 0-60mph: 3.1s Max: 196mph

By James Baggott, managing director of BlackballMedia.co.uk, an automotive services specialist

Trivia

Around Britain 5 Titanic Connections 1. Liverpool - Born in Liverpool in 1887, Frederick Fleet was one of two Born in Liverpool 1887, Frederick Fleet was one two lookouts in the crow’s-nest of the Titanic when she hit the iceberg. Like the crow’s-nest Titanic when she hit the iceberg. all six lookouts, Fleet survived the disaster but tragically took his own life lookouts, Fleet the disaster tragically took following the death of his wife in 1965. He was buried in an unmarked grave the death wife in 1965. grave in Southampton.

Southampton.

2. Broughty Ferry, Dundee - A last minute change to the Titanic’s crew meant A last meant Dundee-born 2nd Officer David Blair lost his place on board at Southampton. As he left, Blair accidentally took the key to the crow’s-nest locker with him, leaving the lookouts’ binoculars locked accidentally took to the crow’s-nest lookouts’ binoculars inside. The key was later sold at auction for £90,000.

The key sold at 3. Chorley, Lancashire - Born in Chorley in 1874, Commander Charles Lightoller was 2nd Officer on the Titanic and the highest-ranking officer to survive the disaster. He helped evacuate passengers on the port side of the ship, until he jumped overboard and climbed to safety on an upturned port side of ship, until he safety on an lifeboat.

4. Colne, Lancashire - Wallace Hartley was a violinist and leader of the orchestra on the Titanic.

Hartley was leader orchestra No member of the ship’s band survived the disaster. Hartley’s body was not found until two weeks of the ship’s survived the disaster. Hartley’s body was not found later; his funeral in his hometown of Colne near Burnley was attended by thousands of mourners. funeral in his Colne near Burnley was attended by thousands 5. Comber, Co Down - Comber-born Thomas Andrews Jr. was in charge of construction of the Comber-born charge of construction Titanic at Belfast’s Harland & Wolff shipyards. He took his place on its maiden voyage intending to Harland & place on its maiden note any problems with the ship future, but after the iceberg hit he was last seen alone in the ship’s with the ship future, iceberg hit he was first class smoking room.

© Taken from The British Isles: A Trivia Gazetteer by Paul Anthony Jones, out now.

The British Isles: A Trivia Gazetteer

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Short Story

Short Story A Stranger Comes Calling It was Halloween, Sue’s favourite night of the year, or ‘Spooky Sue’ as everyone called her. Sue loved all things supernatural and her greatest wish was to see a ghost. She relished opening the door to children doing Trick or Treat with their witch, skeleton and Dracula costumes. But sometimes Spooky Sue wished that Halloween could be a bit more, well, spooky.

This year Halloween had fallen on a bitter wintry day. By 8pm Sue resigned herself to the fact that she had received her last visitor and was about to blow out the pumpkin candles when she heard the click of the garden gate.

Peeping through the curtains she saw only the shadow of a little person brushing past her window. There was a sharp rap on the front door. Sue jumped.

With a nervous laugh she picked up the sweets bowl and opened the door.

On the step stood a boy. He was wearing a filthy threadbare shirt, a brown cap and trousers cut off at the knee.

“What an original costume,” Sue declared. The boy hovered awkwardly, half in shadow.

“Happy Halloween.” She smiled and offered him the bowl.

Without answering he stretched out a grubby hand and picked out a sweet, then frowned at it suspiciously as though he had never seen a jelly baby before. Sue peered down the path to the empty

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lane.

“Are you on your own little fellow?” she asked. He placed the sweet in his mouth and chewed slowly.

Sue studied him in the light from the hallway. He was the height of a ten year old but his grimy face seemed older. The thing that concerned her was that he had nothing on his feet.

“Have you lost your shoes young man?” she asked gently. The boy looked down sadly at his feet and said nothing.

“Where are your parents?” she said, beginning to feel worried.

He glanced hungrily at the bowl of sweets, and Sue held it out for him to take another.

“Where do you live?” she asked nervously. “Is it nearby?”

The boy looked sorrowful. Who in their right mind would allow a child out on a night like this with no shoes?

“Aren’t you cold?” she asked.

Should she phone her sister and ask if her nephew Adam had some old shoes that might fit him?

He finally swallowed the sweet.

“No, Miss,” he said softly, wiping his nose on his sleeve.

“I don’t feel the cold, not no more.”

The bowl in Sue’s hand trembled. “What do you mean?”

“I used to feel the cold in the old days when I cleaned chimneys, but not now.” He

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sniffed. “Now I don’t feel anything.”

Sue felt her knees buckle, and she grabbed hold of the doorframe.

“Are you a … ghost?” Her voice was a dry whisper.

Slowly, the boy looked up at her with sad pale eyes.

The silence was broken by a chirpy mobile phone ring-tone, which startled both Sue and the boy. Then, embarrassed, he pulled a phone out of his pocket.

“Alright Adam?” He answered, glancing guiltily at Sue. “She’s rumbled us.”

There was the sound of running feet in the lane, and her nephew appeared.

“Did we trick you Aunty Sue?” “Hardly.” She pulled herself together in relief. “Who’s this?”

“It’s Zak, he’s in my drama club. Good actor isn’t he?”

“Got my trainers, Adam?” Zak helped himself to another sweet. “My feet are totally freezing.”

By Jackie Brewster

Technology Review

Light Up Your Life Sensors, smartphones and serious savings

As we come into the winter, we start to need more light in our homes both day and night.

There seemed little new in the lighting market for many years, but this has all changed now and from energy saving and long life to remote control, the technology has come out of the dark ages.

The most obvious change in lighting is the end of incandescent bulbs and the arrival of low energy lighting.

While early CFL (compact fluorescent) bulbs were pretty horrible and couldn’t be dimmed, today’s models are far nicer and can even be bought with remote controls to dim and brighten them.

The big news though, is the rise of LED. Light-emitting diodes aren’t just incredibly cheap to run; because they don’t get as hot as other bulbs, they are much more versatile.

They’re already a common sight in car headlamps, and you can replace most of your house’s incandescent bulbs with LEDs for relatively little cash - including halogen downlighters, which were previously difficult and expensive to replace with LEDs.

When you combine LEDs with sensors, things start getting interesting. For around £12 you can get LED motion detectors, which light up stairs and other potential hazard areas and a LED in an external motion-sensing security light will give you the same peace of mind as before without the enormous energy drain.

As technology gets smaller and cheaper, it also gets smarter. Wouldn’t it be great if your lighting linked in to your wireless network and could be controlled by your phone?

That’s already available: Philips’ Hue lightbulbs do just that, enabling you to change both brightness and colours - so you might use a gently brightening yellow glow to wake you in the morning, or point at a photo to get the lighting to match its colours.

It’ll be a while before such technology is every day affordable though - a starter pack will currently set you back £179 for one controller and three bulbs - but it’s still quite exciting.

Another exciting idea is Wemo, Belkin’s wireless technology for home automation. You can already buy Wemo-enabled

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plugs, and now you can buy Wemo-enabled light switches.

Once again it isn’t cheap - expect to pay around £39.99 for a light switch and the same for a plug socket that you can use to control table lamps - but the technology is interesting: you can combine Wemo with the “If This Then That” web service, so for example you could add a motion detector to switch on the hall light when you open the front door or get the light switch to activate at sunset each evening.

If you like the idea of motion sensors, light sensors or timers for your lighting but would rather not shell out for expensive smartphoneconnected kit, you don’t have to: a simple but effective motion and sound-sensing light switch will set you back less than £10, an electronic timer light switch will cost less than £10 and one with a built-in sensor will only cost a few pounds more.

The smartphone-compatible hardware may have the wow factor, but lower-tech options won’t give your wallet the “ow” factor.

By Gary Marshall

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Travel

Paris off the beaten track

By Solange Hando Beyond the grand boulevards and iconic monuments, the French capital has a few secret places known only to the Parisians. Who wants to join the crowds on the river Seine when Canal St Martin beckons with an air of countryside? Here, fishermen doze on the banks, boats glide through the locks and ancient bridges and traditional inns mingle their reflections.

You can cruise on emerald waters, cycle or walk on the tow path or join the Tai Chi adepts moving in slow motion under the chestnut trees.

Just a stone’s throw away, you reach La Villette, a futuristic park where the great Géode cinema sphere complements a Science Museum and Cité de la Musique. All around is a maze of elevated walkways and bright red follies sprouting like toadstools among immaculate lawns. There are curving stone seats with incorporated lights, fountains and jade-coloured pools, a bamboo grove and a 19th century cattle shed turned into a cultural venue. La Villette is only one of many parks in Paris barely visited by the tourists. On a sunny afternoon, families, young lovers and old folk flock to the

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scenic Buttes de Chaumont, well worth the climb for the views right across the capital to the Sacré-Cœur Basilica.

You couldn’t dream of a more restful place with valleys and lawns and weeping willows tumbling down to the waterfall and man-made lake.

But what can you do with a viaduct when trains no longer run on it? Paris is not just a glamorous face, it’s creative. Imagine scores of pink brick archways glowing in the light, stretching along a plane tree avenue, each one converted into a glassfronted boutique or workshop, plus a pavement café or two, and you have the elegant ‘Viaduc des Arts’, a treasure trove of painted furniture and restored antiques, old maps, wrought iron, brass, paintings, sculptures, picture frames and period costumes hand-sewn for the stage. But the planners went one step further, creating a hanging garden along the track with water features and lavender hedges and, at times, plunging views over the streets, heading all the way to the Bois de Vincennes.

With its boating lake, its wild woodlands and floral gardens, Vincennes is the perfect escape. Here, the Parisians

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play pétanque, sunbathe in lush meadows or ramble through the forest, picking blackberries or looking out for squirrels and birds. The rural atmosphere of Vincennes is no secret but here and there in the capital are other village-like areas. Look out for the tree-lined rue de Mouzaia where bright façades recall the southern sun even on a winter day and villas with tiny rose gardens climb up the cobbled alleyways.

Or make your way to the Belleville market, awash with exotic fruit, spices and herbs, Norwegian salmon, octopus, watches and T-shirts. The hill top reveals a lovely panorama over the city, framed by one of the last Parisian vineyards.

Looking for culture? Try one of the unusual museums, romantic life, textiles, magic, or the house of Victor Hugo, author of Les Misérables, on Place des Vosges, then relax in the Luxembourg Gardens where men play chess in the shade and toddlers sail their boats on the ornamental pond. Flower beds bursting with colours meander along the paths while on the river bank, the Eiffel Tower looks down on the scene and a few Parisian secrets just off the beaten track.

Puzzles, Quizzes & Cartoons Cartoon 1

Cartoon 2

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Children’s Page

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Copyright TIPSS 2013

Cryptic Crossword Cryptic Crossword 1

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Across 1 Need tax without a change to stretch out (6) 4 Depict spine problem (8) 10 Decent raise entitlement (7) 11 Attack of fury in a pub? (7) 12 Yob left away from home (4) 13 Rock group in Wiltshire (10) 15 Different lair to adapt (6) 16 Sexy top making someone rash! (7) 20 Foam-covered English material (7) 21 Egghead failing to pass (6) 24 Better clothing is makeshift! (10) 26 Creature still before me (4) 28 Girl seen in Cambridge town (7) 29 Study of processed pectins (7) 30 Document wrapping called mad! (8) 31 Toured round; became beaten (6)

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©puzzlepress.co.uk

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Down 1 Key attribute: fairness (8) 2 Blue squire out of sorts (9) 3 Nocturnal cut impending (4) 5 Mr Crusoe born in Sion curiously (8) 6 Value time – it’s useful! (10) 7 Article put on once more (5) 8 Overlook a royal warden (6) 9 Say taste transformed (5) 14 Tongue? (5,5) 17 Pat enters differently now (2,7) 18 Live baby getting put down (8) 19 Broken tee David turned (8) 22 Vice not good for a sailor (6) 23 Sticky stuff from Flores, I note (5) 25 Nosy type heard earlier (5) 27 City found in Czechoslovakia (4)

Solution Copyright TIPSS 2013 23 Across: 1 Extend, 4 Drawback, 10 Upright, 11 Barrage, 12 Lout, 13 Stonehenge, 15 Tailor, 16 Hothead, 20 Leather, 21 Elapse, 24 Improvised, 26 Yeti, 28 Bridget, 29 Inspect, 30 Deranged, 31 Routed.

Codeword CODEWORD

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Each letter in this puzzle is represented by a number between 1 and 26. The codes for three letters are shown. As you find the letters enter them in the box below.

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General Knowledge Crossword

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20. Grow thin and waste away physically (8) 22. Diverse in character or content (13) Down 1. Collection of facts (4) 2. Sacred word or syllable repeated in prayer (6) 3. Wither, especially due to loss of moisture (7) 4. Sediment that has settled at the bottom of a liquid (5) 5. Crescent-shaped yellow fruit (6) 6. Raging and rapidly spreading conflagration (8) 11. Item used to dry

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Only f or sub scriber paying s for tw o or more p ostcod exclus dishes (3,5)es ivitychopper (7) 13. Meat 14

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end of a piece of wood (5) 15. Metal ring for lining 21. Shallow basket a small hole (6) used when 17. Carpenter’s tool (6) gardening (4) 18. Projection at the

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Across 7. Miscellaneous articles needed for a particular operation or sport (13) 8. Pre-decimal coin worth one quarter of a penny (8) 9. Verdi opera with an Egyptian theme (4) 10. Cooking utensil (7) 12. Point directly opposite the zenith (5) 14. Smooth surface (as of a cut gemstone) (5) 16 Piece of cloth sewn under a zip or a pocket (7) 19. Hemispherical roof (4)

Mini Cryptic Mini Cryptic Crossword 1 2 3 4 5 Across 3. Ulster transmutation effect (6) 6 6. Blonde and free from bias (4) 7. Does it keep Rihanna dry? (8) 7 8 9. Brother-killer said to get stick (4) 10. Patterns around a church area (8) 9 13. Real sins rendered very dry (8) 10 11 12 15. Spanish sparkling wine found back in a vacuum (4) 16. Cool road that leads to a place (8) 19. Armed forces position having an 14 13 offensive smell? (4) 15 20. L-plate formed a makeshift bed (6) Down 17 16 18 1. German state via Arab in a state (7) 19 2. Cuter sort of vinegar bottle (5) 20 3. Little man to take property unlawfully (3) Špuzzlepress.co.uk 4. Look at the diocese? (3) 5. Raise a glass to grilled bread! (5) 13. Pacer returning to 17. Low type of bird (3) 8. Circular calls? (5) summarise (5) 18. Pat is somehow 11. Measuring stick for a monarch (5) 14. Sneering disdain with suitable (3) 12. Stop before opening (7) maize after a point (5)

Sudoku - Easy

Sudoku - Hard

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Super Science Facts

Only f or sub scriber paying s for tw o or more p ostcod es exclus ivity

Hidato

Pictograms

HIDATO Starting at 1 and finishing at 34, track your way from one hexagon to another (touching) hexagon, placing consecutive numbers into the empty shapes as you go. Some numbers are already given.

Pictograms 4 words

2 words

O D U L OVER OVER OVER OVER

5 words TEA WATER RESIDENCE ©Puzzlepress.co.uk ©Puzzlepress.co.uk

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Quiz 1 Halloween 1. In Stephen King’s novel It, Pennywise was the name of a monster who disguised himself as what?

2. If your birthday was on Halloween, what would your star sign be?

3. On Sesame Street, what colour is the Cookie Monster’s fur?

4. How does the Wicked Witch of the East die at the start of the 1939 film The Wizard Of Oz? 5. What is the only American state that does not contain any letters from the word “Halloween” in its name?

6. Found on the island of Madagascar, what animal is named after a type of ghost or spirit from Roman mythology due to its reflective eyes, nocturnal habits and a ghostly sound that some species make?

7. What word from the NATO phonetic alphabet is also the first name of Doctor Frankenstein in Mary Shelley’s famous novel?

8. In which 1999 film does Cole Sear say “I see dead people”?

9. True or False... Vampire bats feed on blood?

10. Which 1990s film features the character of Jack Skellington, the Pumpkin King of Halloween Town?

Quiz 2 Movie Killers Choosing from the list on the right, can you work out which films the killers on the left featured in?

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

also available as a quarte r American Psycho page Cape Fear

Jack Torrance Michael Myers Only f or sub John Doe Friday The 13th scriber p s a y i ng for Max Cady Halloween two or more p Jason Voorhees Seven ostcod es Patrick Bateman Texas Chainsaw Massacre exclus ivity Leatherface The Hills Have Eyes Damien Thorn The Omen Buffalo Bill The Shining Papa Jupiter The Silence Of The Lambs

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Simple Crossword QUICK CROSSWORD

1

2

Across

1 Employed (4)

3

4

5

6

7

8 9

10

3 Loyal (8) 9 Whirlwind (7)

11

12 13

10 Big (5) 11 Ceremonial leader (5)

14

15

16 18

12 Save (6) 19

14 Twist together (6) 16 Thick oil (6) 19 Steps (6) 21 Friends (5) 24 Not dead (5)

20

21

22

23 24

26

25

27

25 Beginning (7)

4 On a ship (6)

15 Zero (7)

26 In company (8)

5 Relates (5)

17 Wealthier (6)

27 Small insect (4)

6 List of ingredients (7)

18 On land (6)

7 Vegetable (4)

20 Distinguished (5)

1 Utmost (8)

8 Round container (6)

22 Alliance (5)

2 Not late (5)

13 Communications (8)

Down

Spot the Difference

28

17

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23 Silly (4)

Two Minute Trial

Word Ladder Word Ladder

PAL P S E

Change one letter at a time (but not the position of any letter) to make a new word - and move from the word at the top of the ladder to the word at the bottom, using the exact number of rungs provided.

You have two minutes to find all the words of three or more letters that can be made from the letters above. Plurals are allowed, proper nouns are not. The 6 letter word will always be just a normal everyday word.

W A L K

Here solut exist WAL talk tale tile rile RIDE

3 letters: 12 4 letters: 18 5 letters: 8 6 letters: 1

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R I D E

Wordsearch Chess Attack Bishop Blocked Capture Castling Centre Checkmate Endgame File

Fischer Fork Gambit Jump Kibitzing King Knight Lose Opening

Pawn Piece Promotion Queen Rook Stalemate Win

Find the names associated with the game of chess in the grid and the remaining letters will spell out a related phrase

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