Discover SP5 & Test Valley Nov/Dec 2015

SP5 & Test Valley NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015

S TO C K

Edition

N TO N BRIDGE | B R O U G H T O N | W H I T E PA R I S H | D O W

Discover Exclusive Interview

Life in the music industry with Queen’s keyboard player Spike Edney p8

Pippa Greenwood’s Garden Growing Fruit Trees

Winter Activities

What’s on and local clubs inside p18

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Hello and Welcome ADVERTISING SALES ENQUIRIES Tel: Melanie Tinson 023 8027 6396 Email: melanie@discovermagazines.co.uk Web: www.discoveradvertising.co.uk

ARTWORK ENQUIRIES Tel: Izzy Ewen 02380 266388 option 3 Email: design@discovermagazines.co.uk

ACCOUNTS ENQUIRIES Tel: Tania Houston 02380 266388 option 2 Email: tania@discovermagazines.co.uk

EDITORIAL/COMMUNITY NEWS Please visit www.discovercommunity.co.uk and use the Editorial Form under Contact Us Email: editorial@discovermagazines.co.uk Tel: 02380 266388 option 4 This edition of your Discover magazine is delivery by Royal Mail to the SP5 1, SP5 2 & SP5 3 postcodes, plus SO20.

This includes Downton, Whiteparish, West Dean, East Winterslow, Middle Wallop, Broughton, Stockbridge, Longstock and Kings Somborne. This is a total of 11,300 homes and businesses.

SP5 & Test Valley’s No 1 Community Magazine 11 local editions 142,000 circulation

Melanie Tinson & Tania Houston

The changing of the clocks often seems like a message to the weather to turn significantly colder, and for the sun to continue to provide light but to turn off the heat. So the shorts and sandals are reluctantly tucked away for a few months and the winter layers unpacked until spring arrives again.

I was confident this year that I wouldn’t need to buy anything new – trends can’t have changed that much in six months surely? And the more I waste buying new clothes, the less money there is available to waste on wine.

Reviewing the clothes I was wearing last season however, shows some to be looking, well, rather ‘last season’. I’m no slave to fashion, but having bought on impulse because that coat was in the sale, now proves to be a costly error. It was in the sale because by winter 2015 it looks slightly ridiculous rather than cutting edge trendy. So that’s a new coat then.

Trousers then, I can’t go wrong there. Well, how I gloated when by the end of the summer I had actually managed to shift a few surplus pounds.

Pride comes before a fall though, and falling is exactly what my trousers are doing now.

A quick check of the basics…gloves: only one matching pair, but gardening gloves don’t really count do they. Hats? The cat didn’t sit on the mat, it sat on the hat. Eugh. Shoes - surely there’s some reuse there? Yes! Not letting in water yet and a little tatty but some polish will fix that. But then my 20 year old daughter says “I don’t mean to be rude, but you’re not wearing those out are you?” (Why does she always say that - rude is exactly what she meant to be).

Hang on – that’s new gloves, hat, coat, trousers and shoes. Think I’ll stay indoors until the January sales...

Until next time.

Tania Editor 5

LOCAL

Advent and Christmas at Salisbury Cathedral www.salisburycathedral.org.uk

CONCERTS Remembrance-tide Concert 12 Nov, 7.30pm (doors open 7pm) Bach’s Komm, Jesu, komm and Lobet den Herrn and Durufle’s Cum Jubilo Tickets £10 online/on the door Christmas Oratorio 12 Dec, 7.30pm (doors open 7pm) Salisbury Cathedral Choir sing Bach’s earlier compositions.

Tickets £15 online/on the door

CHRISTMAS FAIR Friends of Salisbury Cathedral Christmas Fair 21 Nov, 11-3pm High quality traders selling everything from dog treats to cashmere.

Entrance £2 adult, children free.

CHRISTMAS TOWER TOURS Twilight Tower Tours 27 Nov to 23 Dec, 3.15pm every day except Sunday Take a romantic tour up to the Cathedral Tower and view the lights of Salisbury from on high! Includes cream tea. Those staying on are welcome to attend Choral Evensong at 5.30pm.

Twilight Tours can be booked online and cost £16.00 (adults), 6

£11.50 (concessions) or £45 (family ticket, 2+3). Children must be over seven years of age and the maximum number of people on any tour is twelve.

ADVENT From Darkness to Light Procession 27 & 28 Nov at 7pm & 29 Nov at 5pm A shining highlight of Advent at the Cathedral, From Darkness to Light is one of the most moving and atmospheric services in the Cathedral year. Starting with a single candle flickering to life, by the end of this glorious service the Cathedral is ablaze with the light of 13,000 candles shining on the procession of thirty two Cathedral choristers accompanied by adult singers.

To apply for tickets see website for instructions.

CHRISTMAS RECORDING BBC Wiltshire’s 'Carols at the Cathedral' will be recorded on Sunday 13 December and will be transmitted on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day this year. The Carol service features both the Salisbury Cathedral Choir and Cathedral’s Junior Choir.

If you wish to take part in the recording tickets will

be available from Monday 26 October from Salisbury Playhouse. Doors open at 14.30 and everyone must be seated by 15.00 for rehearsal. Late entry is not permitted due to the fact that the service is being recorded. Parking is free in the Culver Street carpark, Salisbury.

CHRISTMAS SERVICES Sunday 20 December 17.00 Festival of Nine Lessons and Carols Monday 21 December 19.00 Festival of Nine Lessons and Carols Thursday 24 December (Christmas Eve) 07.30 Morning worship and Holy Communion 16.00 Family Service Christmas 18.00 Choral Evensong 23.30 Midnight mass Friday 25 December (Christmas Day) 08.00 Holy Communion 10.30 Sung Eucharist 15.00 Festal Evensong Sunday 17 January 17.00 Epiphany Procession, celebrating the journey of the Magi

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INTERVIEW

Spike’s All Star Band, Iconic singers performing their greatest hits Exclusive:

Izzy Ewen of Discover Magazines interviews Queen’s keyboard player and musical director Spike Edney Founded by renowned musician and musical director, Spike Edney, THE SAS BAND is the “Ultimate All-Star Band.” Featuring a world class band, the artists and musicians who appear with The SAS Band (a.k.a. Spike’s All-Stars) are some of the world’s greatest Rock and Pop performers. Since their debut in 1994, The SAS Band have made various television appearances and performed at an array of international high profile public concerts, major corporate events and exclusive private parties around the world.

What inspired you to put the SAS band together?

Back in the 70's, I jammed with a bunch of like minded players at a regular Sunday pub session in Southampton. I daydreamed about having a larger band with horns, percussion and backing singers. I spoke to several musicians about the idea and was met with a luke warm reaction "too much work and not enough

8

money" they all said, so I shelved the plans, but held the thought.

Then in 1994, I'd just finished a world tour for Brian May and his "Back To The Light" solo album, when I got the call from Peter Chegwyn at The Gosport Festival asking me to put together a "Jam session" for the Friday Party Night. I decided to have a go at something more organised and called on Brian May's Band - Cozy Powell (drums), Neil Murray (Bass) and Jamie Moses (gtr). From the very start of Chris Thompson (Manfred Mann's Earth Band) singing "Davy's on The Road" I knew it was the start of something!

accepted. I then went along to see an old drumming mate of mine, Larry Tolfree play with Kiki Dee and he introduced us. By the end of the evening she was on board as well. That became the template for all the artists that joined us rapidly; either an introduction, or recommendation from a friend, or me just walking up and asking outright if they wanted " a night of fun". That sounds too saucy to turn down, right? Word soon spread how The SAS band was a great night for artists and audience alike and we have gone from strength to strength.

The rest is a continuing history of The SAS Band featuring some of the best singers in the world, singing the best songs.

Is there a running theme with the songs chosen?

Our Motto is "Maximum Fun, Minimum Grief". The songs chosen are either the biggest hits, or the songs the performers most want to play. I often ask the artists if there are any songs they've loved forever, or that have been major influences on them. Just recently we worked with Mel C (of the Spice Girls) and she wanted to sing "River Deep, Mountain High" (Ike & Tina Turner), as it was her Mum's favourite and she had also loved it as a child. She had a blast performing that song.

How did you go about choosing artists to perform with you?

The line up of the first gig in 1994 was completely dictated by the artists that I could approach directly. I didn't want to go through management, as I knew they would refuse me. Chris Thompson had worked with us on some of Brian's tour dates, so he was my first call. I knew Tony Hadley vaguely from Queen days and I bumped into him at The Jazz Café in London. He said he wasn't doing a lot since Spandau Ballet had split and I knew he was generally up for a laugh, so I asked if he wanted to join us and he

Who are the biggest All Stars in your line up?

Too many fab ones to list, but it's always nice to work with Jeff

Beck, Roger Taylor and Roger Daltrey. Our regular favourites also are Madeline Bell, Chris Thompson, Patti Russo, Kiki Dee, Tony Hadley,Tom Robinson and Midge Ure. A while back we were the houseband for "The Meltdown Festival" at The South Bank and in one evening got to work with Ray Davies (The Kinks), Paloma Faith, Sandie Shaw, Carl BarĂŁt ( The Libertines) and the legendary Ronnie Spector (The Ronettes). It doesn't come any more fun than that. Well... except maybe playing along with Stevie Wonder on his version of "Happy Birthday" for Nelson Mandela at Radio City in New York!!

What do you think of mainstream music today?

I occasionally watch the top 40 videos on a Saturday morning and I notice that a lot of DJ's are making records these days and that's probably why the production values seem the same on so many tracks. When a production team write and produce artists, they tend to stick to the proven formula, when in reality it's diversity that has always propelled music to expand the boundaries.

It is the artists, more often than not, who should be driving the music forward. Look at The Beatles, or Jimi Hendrix - talent, songs and music always came first.

Who do you think are the Rock Stars of today’s chart music?

Dunno - not many stay around long enough for me to form an opinion. In recent years, I have had time for Vintage Trouble, James Morrison, Paulo Nuttini and Bruno Mars is definitely an exciting talent, who I think will be around for a very long time. More recently, Royal Blood have caught my ear and let's not forget the magnificent Adam Lambert- a true star in my opinion. I think he has the vocal chops and musicality to stand astride the whole range

of music today. It was interesting to see how easily Queen took his dance track "Ghost Town" and gave it their own unmistakeable twist and how the new version thrilled both Queen fans and Glamberts alike. See it live on youtube from the recent South American Tour.

Do you play other instruments than the keyboard?

I still play guitar and I used to play trombone, which I took up after seeing the band "Chicago" play at the last Isle of Wight festival.

Their trombonist, James Pankow became an instant hero of mine and when I eventually met him I became a quivering teenybopper, just like a "One D" fan in front of Harry Stiles!! As I age, I think I might have a go at push button chromatic Harmonica like Stevie Wonder. It's very tricky though and will probably need a few years on a porch, practising!

What are your plans beyond the current tour of SAS Band?

I am currently cataloguing my collection of personal photos, stage clothes, instruments and tour memorabilia for an exhibition due to open in November at The Portsmouth Guildhall called "Spike Edney - from Landport to Live Aid". This exhibition will chart my musical career from my first band in the 1960's, through the tours with iconic soul Legends of the 1970's then on to the world tours of The Boomtown Rats, Dexy's Midnight Runners and Duran

Duran, plus my longstanding association with Queen and the launch of The SAS Band a.k.a.

Spike's All Stars. I've also been threatening to write a book telling the whole gruesome story in gory detail, so I'd better get that rolling before I start to forget the best bits!!

Is there a band today that you consider as talented as Queen?

Queen are unique and I'm not sure if anyone else can rival them.

Bands these days don't really get the chance to develop and grow as artists, as they used to.

Careers seem to last a couple of CD's at most before the artists are discarded by an ever more fickle music business. Having said that I do have a lot of time for "Muse".

Who would be your dream line-up for the SAS Band?

My mind boggles at the thought, but I regret not ever managing to get Steve Marriot (Small Faces) before he passed and some day I would really like to get Joe Walsh, Robert Plant, Steve Winwood, Peter Frampton, Alison Moyet, Lisa Stansfield and Terry Reid onstage with us - at different times!

www.sasband.com SAS Band will be playing at City Hall Salisbury, on Friday 4th December 2015 at 7.30pm

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RECIPE

Stollen This spiced and fruity Continental sweet bread is perfect for serving over the festive season with a glass of warm mulled wine.

Ingredients:

1.

Put the butter, milk and caster sugar in a small pan and heat gently until the sugar has dissolved and the butter has melted. Leave to cool for 10 minutes.

2.

Sift the flour, salt and mixed spice into a large bowl and stir in the dried yeast. Make a well in the centre and stir in the milk mixture, lemon zest and egg. Mix together with a round-bladed knife to form a soft and sticky dough.

3.

Turn the dough onto a well floured surface and knead for 5-8 minutes until smooth and elastic. At first the dough will be quite sticky so add more flour as necessary.

4.

Flatten out the dough and knead in the raisins, cherries and peel until just combined. Place the dough in a lightly oiled bowl, cover with cling film and leave in a warm place for about 1� hours, or until doubled in size.

5.

Turn the dough onto a floured surface and knead for 1-2 minutes, then roll out to a 25cm square. Shape the marzipan into a sausage shape and place down the centre of the dough. Fold one side over to cover the marzipan then repeat with the other side, overlapping in the centre.

Seal the ends. Place seam-side down on a greased baking sheet. Cover with oiled cling film and leave in a warm place until doubled in size. Preheat the oven to 190°C, fan 170°C, gas 5.

6.

Bake the stollen for 35-45 minutes until golden and sounds hollow when tapped underneath. Brush the hot stollen all over with melted butter and roll in the icing sugar to coat. Leave to cool.

• 50g butter • 175ml milk • 3 tbsp caster sugar • 375g strong plain white flour, plus extra for kneading • � tsp salt • 1 tsp ground mixed spice • 2 tsp fast-action dried yeast • Zest of 1 lemon • 1 large egg, beaten • 125g raisins • 25g chopped mixed peel • 50g glace cherries, rinsed, dried and quartered • 175g marzipan • Melted butter, for brushing • Icing sugar, for dusting

Makes 10-12 slices Ready in about 3 hours 12

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GARDENING

Growing Fruit Trees

by Pippa Greenwood www.pippagreenwood.com Who doesn’t enjoy sinking their teeth into a delicious, flavour-packed, superbly juicy apple or pear? Mmm! But if you want the ultimate in gorgeous apples, pears, plums or more, then the fruit needs to be freshly picked and sun-warmed - so grow your own and you can also save yourself a few bob, have fun and make some good looking additions to your garden, even when space is limited. There’s no need to have a massive plot or an orchard to grow fruit trees…

Horizontal Espalier Apple Tree 18

Pair Tree Trained Over Arch

You can grow fruit trees in surprisingly small spaces, especially if you don’t grow them in a classic tree shape, but train them. Training them into espaliers (so that they have several sets of horizontal ‘arms’), cordons (as single main stems grown at an angle) or fans (with branches trained into a fan shape) means that you can grow many varieties of apples and pears up against a suitable vertical surface such as a wall, fence or set of sturdy wires.

You could also train fruits like apples as ‘step-overs’ - this just means trained so they make a neat edging for a bed or border, about 45cm or so above ground level. A step-over apple basically goes up to a height of about 30cm and is then trained so that it forms two horizontal ‘arms’.

They look great when in flower and will even bear a smallish crop of fruit along the arms. Try stepovers around the edge of your vegetable plot or flower bed.

Alternatively, why not make a real feature of fruit and use a tree to create a decorative and, later on, a productive arch? Buy an inexpensive bare-root cordon (straight stem) or a ‘whip’ fruit

tree of your favourite variety, pair it with another variety that is a suitable pollinator (check with the nursery) and plant one on each side of the arch, training them in as they grow. It will look great, phenomenally pretty when covered in blossom in spring, and after a few years will bear tasty fruit too.

But what if you don’t have any open ground, beds or borders in your backyard style garden?

Provided you get the right rootstock (see below) it is quite possible to grow fruit trees in large containers. The container needs to be as big as possible - a half-barrel at least - and must have drainage holes kept clear using a few inches of broken china or ‘crocks’ at its bottom.

Good quality loam-based compost such as John Innes No.3 will work well, but help to keep it well aerated and free-draining by adding 25-50% multi-purpose loam-free compost.

Whatever the size of your garden, but especially if space is short, when you are choosing fruit trees it is essential to get them on the right ‘rootstock’, as this determines the ultimate size and vigour of the tree. The rootstock

is the type of roots onto which the chosen variety of apple has been grafted. Apples are particularly complicated and a good nursery will advise you, but as a rule, for step-overs, cordons, dwarf bushes and trees in containers try the extremely dwarfing but somewhat tricky M27 - but do beware weak varieties or any tree grown on this rootstock in poor soil or not well pampered may well fail. For bush, cordon, espaliers and halfstandard try the easier to look after dwarfing rootstock M26, while for a cordon, an espalier on poor soil, arches and bush trees

try the semi-dwarfing MM106.

You can either buy one year old ‘maidens’ or ‘whips’ which are small, fairly straight stems and train them yourself, or if you want to save time you can often buy trained or part-trained fruit trees.

Obviously you’ll pay more for a trained tree, but it can save you several years work!

Make sure you choose the varieties you grow so that they are in flower at the same time and thus can pollinate each other - if there is no suitable pollinator in the vicinity you will not get

fruit. Check with your supplier who will be able to tell you which ‘pollination group’ each variety is in.

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These are not only inexpensive, but also establish particularly well. Bare root fruit trees are generally available from about November until early March, depending on the weather - so don’t delay, get ordering or planting today!

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21

HIDATO

Puzzle Page PICTOGRAMS

Starting at 1 and finishing at 34, track your way from one square to another, either horizontally, vertically or diagonally, placing consecutive numbers into the empty squares as you go. Some numbers are already given.

Movie Pictograms MOVIES 2 words

22 Fe

14 23

26

4 words HAIRRY GRAINGE DAMION

18

9

30

8 31

5

40

3 words

3

39

GOLF E KILDARE

38

45 37

13

34

44

1

49

47 ©Puzzlepress.co.uk

General Knowledge Crossword mixed with sparkling water (8) 23. Fruit also called the Chinese gooseberry (4) 24. Heavenly being of the highest rank (9) Down 1. Dock worker (9) 2. Any letter not a vowel (9) 4. Picture puzzle (5) 5. Evergreen tree or shrub (7) 6. Brewery cart (4) 7. Period of 40 weekdays from Ash Wednesday to Holy Saturday (4) 11. Citadel in ancient Greek towns (9) 12. Television, newspapers, radio, etc (4,5)

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8 9 10 11 13

12

14 15

16

17 18 19

20

21

©Puzzlepress.co.uk

Across 3. Large predatory semiaquatic reptile with long jaws (9) 8. Archaic form of the word ‘you’ (4) 9. Brightly coloured handkerchief often worn about the neck (8) 10. Hindu divinity worshipped as the preserver of worlds (6) 13. Wild dog of Australia (5) 14. Daphne du Maurier novel (7) 16. Former capital of Burma (7) 17. One dozen dozen (5) 21. Small recess opening off a larger room (6) 22. Drink made of wine

22 23 24

15. Line at which the on a horse rider’s sky and Earth heel (4) appear to meet (7) 20. White substance 18. Canal boat (5) beneath the peel of fruit (4) 19. Goading instrument Answers: Page 34

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On July 4th Aubrey Scott handed over the presidency of our Club to Andrew Scott who began his second term in office having previously been president for 2003-4.

Bulletin B

Rotary Club mob: 07855 680422 of Wilton News From The Rotary Club of Wilton : Sep 2015 Wilton Upcoming Wilton New Presidential Handover: Andrew Scott Takes Office Events Nicola Stacey Presidential H

Call Nicola on: 01722 711620

Andrew joined the Club in 1998 after previously working in the electronics industry at Woven Electronics Ltd based in Burcombe Lane in Wilton.

One of Andrew’s key aims in his presidential year is to increase membership numbers. “We need to get over the perception in parts of the community that we don’t connect with Wilton, so those people need to know we exist. We want them to come along and help us. You don't have to own your own business to join - just offer your time and experiences. We are also hoping to recruit female members." said Andrew.

From left to right: Presiden President Aubrey Steele, Pre

Bulletin On July 4th Aubrey Scott handed over the presidency Podiatrist of our Club to Andrew Scott who began his second

July 4th Aubrey Scott han EVENTS Rotary SpireworksUPCOMINGOn of our Club to Andrew Scot in office havingWilton previo Rotary Spireworks Coombe Bissett term & Homington & Fireworks Andrew joined the Club in 1998 afterBonfire previously Bonfirework& Fireworks Drama Club 2003-4.

Pantomime Ligh Home ing in the electronics industry at Woven Electronics Ltd 7th Andrew November December 1st joined the Club in 19 D November 7th based in Burcombe Lane in Wilton. ing in the electronics industry

term HPC in office having previously been president for Registered 2003-4.

BSc (Hons) MChS

For Professional, Friendly Visits based in Burcombe Lane in W One of Andrew’s key aims in his presidential year is to Rotary Spireworks has been treatment & advice increase membership numbers. “We need to get over One of Andrew’s key aims in the premier Guy Fawkes News the From The Rotary Club of Wilton : Sep 2015 increase membership number perception call: For all in parts of the community that we don’t the perception connect with Wilton, so those people need to know we Night commemoration forin parts of the 01722 711620 connect with Wilton, so those aspects of them to come along and help us. You exist.

We want many years. All profits will exist. We want them to com don't have to own your own business to join - just ofFrom left to right: President Andrew Scott, Outgoing Or Your again bePresident-Elect donated to local don't have toCory own your own Presidential Handover: Andrew Takes fer your time and experiences.Scott We are also hoping Office to President Aubrey Steele, Richard fer your time and experience recruit female members." said Andrew.

07855 680422 Foot Care charities.

Wilton

recruit female members." said

On July 4th Aubrey Scott handed over the presidency too his young of our Club to Andrew ScottYou’re whonever began second to havebeen problems with term in office having previously president for your feet 2003-4.

Rotary Spireworks has been the

Rotary Spireworks

e-mail: joined the Club in 1998 after previously workAndrew Bonfire & Fireworks nicstacey12@btinternet.com ing in the electronics industry at Woven Electronics Ltd November 7th based in Burcombe Lane in Wilton.

One of Andrew’s key aims in his presidential year is to increase membership numbers. “We need to get over the perception in parts of the community that we don’t connect with Wilton, so those people need to know we exist. We want them to come along and help us. You don't have to own your own business to join - just offer your time and experiences. We are also hoping to recruit female members." said Andrew.

We shall ag

www.wiltonrotary.co.uk For more than fifteen years we have been sponsoring a special performance of the Christmas Pantomime before From left to right: President Andrew Scott, Outgoing President Aubrey Steele, President-Elect Richard Coryan invited audience of senior citizens.

Rotary Spireworks has been the

UPCOMING EVENTS premier Guy Fawkes Night com‐

Rotary Spireworks Bonfire & Fireworks November 7th

For more than �een years we

UPCOMING EVENTS wine to the been sponsoring a special premier Guy Fawkes Night com‐ Coombe Bissett &have Homington ceremony t performance of the Christmas memora�on for many years. All Coombe Bissett & Homington Wilton Christmas Tree that the C Pantomime before an invited prots will again be donated to Rotary Spireworks Drama Club Pantomime Town's Chri audience of senior ci�zens. local chari�es Drama Club Pantomime Lights Switch-On Bonfire & Firework December 1st December 7th November 7th December 1st

memora�on for many years. All Coombe Bissett prots will again & be Homington donated to Drama Club Pantomime local chari�es

December 1st

For more than �een years we

Rotary Spireworks has been We shall again be serving mulled

premier Guy Fawkes Night c wine to the congrega�on at the have been sponsoring a special Wilton Christmas Tree memora�on for many years. ceremony to switch on the lights performance of the Christmas Wilton Christmas prots will again be donated that the Club bought for the Pantomime before an Tree invited Lights Lights Switch-On Switch-On Town's Christmas Tree. local chari�es audience of senior ci�zens.

December 7th December 7th

www.wiltonrotary.co.uk We shall again be serving mulled wine to the congregation at the ceremony to switch on the lights that the Club bought for the Town’s Christmas Tree.

Rotary Spireworks has been the premier Guy Fawkes Night com‐ memora�on for many years. All prots will again be donated to local chari�es

For more than �een years we have been sponsoring a special performance of the Christmas Pantomime before an invited audience of senior ci�zens.

We shall again be serving mulled Contact us: David S. Huckfield Secretary, wine to the congrega�on at the ceremony to switch on the lights Rotary Club of Wilton, Richardsons Farm, that the Club bought for the Goggs Lane, Redlynch SP5 2NY Town's Christmas Tree.

Tel: 01725 5106799 Email: david.huckfield@vigornia.ltd.uk

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And Another Thing...

Data Protection

by Tom Hughes My question is this: how do you get your number removed from the phone book when the phone book no longer exists? For us it’s too late, our number must now be on every data base in the world judging by the frequency of the nuisance calls that ring our line every night.

You can always tell it’s a sales call because of the opening line: “Don’t worry Sir, this isn’t a sales call.” I usually put the receiver next to the radio and return to scooping out my butternut squash.

But I don’t want to dwell on the things I don’t want, rather I’d like to relay the story of how I went to get something I actually needed – a loan from the bank.

My beloved Mondeo (half leather heated seats, 6 CD changer) was on her last legs so a new chariot was required.

Clive, my loan adviser at my local branch was more than helpful.

Fresh faced and eager to please, he guided me to a booth designed in such a way as to guarantee the queue behind could eavesdrop on me disclosing all my personal information.

Clive began tapping away on his keyboard. I decided to put him at 30

his ease.

“Oh you use a computer to do this now do you?”

“Oh yes, we use computers for everything.”

“Well, who’d have thought it?”

Clive gave me a funny look then started the inquisition. Questions about my income I expected.

Questions about my haircuts and gambling habits I did not. Then, fatally for loan applicants and indeed bank robbers, I got the giggles.

I wanted to share with him my concerns about barber costs rising if ever the Kevin Keegan perm came back into vogue, but I couldn’t form the words because of the accursed sniggers. Somehow I remained calm enough to complete the application. At the end of the process Clive was prompted to ask me if I had any questions.

“Clive, are you sure you don’t want to know what I had for breakfast?”

“It’s OK Mr Hughes, that question was not on my form.”

“It’s just that I had maple syrup on my bacon, and maple syrup is very expensive, so –“

“You had maple syrup on your bacon for breakfast?”

“Yes. And pancakes.”

“Pancakes, bacon and syrup?”

“It’s called a Canadian breakfast.”

Clive gave me a look that suggested I had placed my application in jeopardy. His countenance seemed to stiffen.

Curtly he announced, “I’m a porridge man myself.”

An image of Clive lumbering down his street covered in oats flicked into my mind. Clive brought me back in the room with the words every bank customer dreads.

“Ok Mr Hughes, before I put this application through I have to read to you this declaration. Is that OK?” Clive produced an A4 sheet of paper with text so minuscule only The Borrowers could read it. He took a deep breath and commenced. The meaningless phrases came zinging towards me like tracer fire from across no man’s land. I leaned forward wincing, trying to catch his drift.

Eventually I gave up and resorted to a half smile and my “I’m not listening” nod.

After he’d finished neither of

us were any the wiser but the reading of the declaration signalled an imminent decision.

In my head I heard a drum roll of expectation as the little hourglass on the screen nervously flipped over and over. The tension was unbearable. Clive made a polite request.

“Mr Hughes, can you stop banging on my desk please?”

“I’m not banging, I’m drumming.”

Clive glanced at me from over his specs. I desisted. Eventually, the computer came up with an answer. Clive stared at the screen and then gave me a smile so insincere that for a moment I thought I was talking to Dale Winton.

“You mean I’ve been refused?”

“You failed on your credit score.”

confidential and we are fully committed to protecting it.”

My giggling ceased. I leaned forward to see what injustice was now displayed on his screen.

Clive swung the monitor out of view, as though I was trying to pry into his personal browsing history.

“From who?”

“Why? What’s wrong with my credit score?”

“I’m sorry?”

“I’m sorry I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“Data protection. Your data is

“Unfortunately, on this occasion, the bank has decided not to proceed with your application.”

“Well, you.”

“You are protecting me from my own data?”

“Yes.” “Have you read 1984?”

I left the bank as impecunious as when I entered. On the way out my phone rang.

“Hello?

“Mr Hughes? Don’t worry this isn’t a sales call. Tell me, have you ever been mis-sold a personal loan?”

And so the big joke we call life staggers on….

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LOCAL CLUBS & GROUPS COMMUNITY & SOCIAL Social Group Meetings Cathedral Hotel, Salisbury Monday Nights, 8pm – 10pm Social evening drinks and a friendly chat! For single people over 50 years.

We also arrange outings, theatre trips, meals out etc. Come and join us you will be most welcome. 01722 333582 Accord Social Group Every Monday. Venue: The Cathedral Hotel, Salisbury. Time: 8pm. We are a friendly group of single over 50’s who organise meals out, visits to the theatre, City Hall, occasionally dances etc. For more info contact Mike on 01725 512226 or Pennie on 01722 333582.

Odstock, Nunton & Bodenham WI Meetings are held on the second Monday of each month. Venue: Radnor Hall, Bodenham. Time: 10.00am. For further info contact Elizabeth Cutter on 01725 511870.

Landford, Nomansland & Hamptworth WI Meetings are held on the second Wednesday of each month. Venue: Nomansland Reading Room. Time: 2pm to 4pm. Our meetings focus on a variety of subjects and speakers and include social events and activities.

Visitors always welcome. For more information contact Shirley 01794 322681 or email sa.packham@ btinternet.com.

Redlynch & District WI Meetings are held on the second Wednesday of each month. Venue: Morgans Vale & Woodfalls Village Hall.

Time: 2.15pm. Contact Val on 01725 510850.

32

Downton Evening WI Meetings are held on the third Monday of each month. Venue: Sherwood Room, Wick Lane, Downton. Time: 7.30pm. For more information contact Edna Pike on 01725 511332.

Alderbury WI Meetings are held on the second Wednesday of each month. Venue: Alderbury Village Hall. Time: 2.15pm.

Visitors are most welcome. £3 admission for non-members, includes refreshments.

Probus Club of Sarum (Club for retired & semi-retired men).

New members always welcome.

We meet 2nd & 4th Fridays each month for coffee, interesting talks & friendship. 10am-12.00pm at Salvation Army Citadel, 6-10 Salt Lane, Salisbury. Come for a free taster! A. Scarfe on 01722 326501

MUSIC, DANCE & DRAMA

Ebble Valley Short Mat Bowls Club We meet most Mondays at 7pm in Coombe Bissett Village Hall. Suitable for all ages from 10 to about 90! Come and try it, youngsters soon pick up the game and it’s very friendly! Contact David Germain on 01722 718531 or two@davidgermain.plus.com.

Five Rivers Indoor Bowls Five Rivers I.B.C. at Tollgate Road Salisbury SP1 2JJ. Ongoing introduction to Indoor flat green bowls. Contact Anne on 01722 334027 to arrange a visit.

HOBBIES & SPECIAL INTEREST Silver Surfer Computer Classes Fridays, 9:30 to 11.30 The Friday Café, Redlynch Village Hall Learn about emails, internet browsing, online shopping, digital photos. One to one training at your own pace. No charge but donation welcome. More details from Paul Bromage 01725 510753 or just pop in.

Salisbury Folk Dance Club Salisbury Folk Dance Club meets on Tuesday evenings at 7.30pm in St Martin’s Junior School, Shady Bower Sarum Bridge Club SP1 2RG. Friendly club, no partner or experience needed. First evening free. If you want to learn, play social bridge or take part in competitive evenings Tel: 01980 863024. then Sarum Bridge Club at Stratford sub Castle is the place to go. New members are always welcome, HEALTH & EXERCISE no partner is necessary. Further information at www.sarumbridgeclub. org.uk or email sarumbridge@gmail.

Winterslow Short Mat Bowls com. Please register in advance.

Club Coombe Landford, Bissett & We meet on Sunday evenings at Homington Garden Club 7.15pm till 10.00pm at Winterslow We meet on 3rd Monday in the month Village Hall. Why not join us for a in the Coombe Bissett Village Hall game of Bowls, new members are usually at 7.15pm. For further details always welcome. Bowls can be please contact Louise Hartgill 01722 borrowed and full coaching is given.

For more info call David Tidd on 01980 718388 e: ebbledowngoldens@gmail. com. New members/visitors welcome.

863515.

Alderbury Bowls Club The Green opens on 19th April and welcomes new members of all ages.

Tuesday is Club Night, come along from 6pm for a ‘roll-up’ and be given instruction. Bowls provided - just bring a pair of flat soled shoes. Join us in the bar after all that activity for a drink! Call Peter Green on 710832 or alderburybowlingclub@gmail.com.

Alderbury and District Gardening Association Meetings held on the third Wednesday of each month. Venue: Alderbury Bowls Club. Time: 7.30pm.

Speakers, outings, annual show, plant sale, social evening with quiz. Annual membership £5.

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27 27 11 7 7 10 36 23 2 29 31 39 28 25 2

electrician Arbaro Consulting 11 RG Electrix 33 estate agent Bassets Sales & Lettings 13 EVENTS What’s On Listing 37 Winter Wonderland 16 flooring AIM Flooring 11 furniture Custome Creations 15 GARAGE DOORS/REPAIRS Skandoor 23 Garage Services Avon Carriage Company Ltd 40 Garden Design & Services Active Tree Care 20 Mr Fencing 20 New Forest Garden Machinery 21 Ockenden Tree Services 17 R & CF Tree and Landscape Services 19 Roy Bull Home & Garden Improvements 17 Wessex Mole Control 17 hairdressing Downton Hair Design 24 Hair Art 13 Health & Care HomeCare Finder Ltd 10 New Forest Nursing Home 3 Nicola Stacey Podiatrist 28 HEALTH & fitness IAM Fitness 24

Puzzle Answers

34

Hidato

General Knowledge Crossword

Pictograms

Across: 3 Crocodile, 8 Thou, 9 Bandanna, 10 Vishnu, 13 Dingo, 14 Rebecca, 16 Rangoon, 17 Gross, 21 Alcove, 22 Spritzer, 23 Kiwi, 24 Archangel.

1. Iron Man

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Home Help Sara Egford 13 Kitchens MCD Carpentry 10 Space Kitchens & Bathrooms 14 oven cleaning Aardvark Oven Cleaning 13 Ovenclean 31 pest control Wessex Mole Control 17 photographer Simon Ward Photography 26 picture framing Belmont Fine Arts 27 Plumbing Services (including bathroom installation and gas and boiler services) Beautiful Bathrooms 13 Mouland Plumbing & Drainage Services 33 OHJ Bathrooms 16 Space Kitchens & Bathrooms 14 WP Heating 15 Property Maintenance Build It New Forest 7 Direct Roofing Services 23 Roy Bull Home & Garden Improvements 17 schools Hale Pre-School 36 stoves & fires Stoves & Fireplaces 7 tiling CMG TIling 23

2. The Hills Have Eyes 3. Carry On Doctor

l Buy Local . . . emergencies Police, Fire or Ambulance Services Hampshire Constabulary Wiltshire Police Gas – National Grid (If you smell gas, call us immediately) Electricity

Doctors 999 01962 841534 01380 735 735 0800 111 999 0845 770 8090

useful contacts Wiltshire County Council Hampshire County Council Test Valley Borough Council Stockbridge Parish Council Stockbridge Town Hall Public Footpaths Southern Water Road Signs Potholes Cycle Paths Street Light Faults

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Whiteparish Services Phone line open 8am-6.30pm Mon-Fri

01794 884269

Stockbridge Surgery

01264 810524

St Pauls Medical Practice

01962 853599

Friarsgate Practice

01962 871730

Downton Surgery

01725 510296

chemists Wellow Pharmacy Lower Common Road, SO51 6BT

01794 322554

Downton Pharmacy 5 High St, Downton, Salisbury, SP5 3PG

01725 510388

The Stockbridge Pharmacy High St, Stockbridge SO20 6EX

01264 810624

libraries Andover Library Winchester Discover Centre Stanmore Library Romsey Library Downton Libraries

01722 327292 01794 301286 07919 130777 01722 712313

0300 555 1387 0300 555 1387 01962 840022 0300 555 187 01725 511003

recycling Scott Close Household Waste Recycling Centre (HWRC) Walworth Industrial Estate, Andover, SP10 5NU 01264 351421

01794 388381 01722 01264 01264 01264 01264

712322 811772 810550 810555 781216

• 9am - 6pm from 1 April to 30 September • 9am - 4pm from 1 October to 28 February • 9am - 5pm from 1 March to 31 March

Bunny Lane Household Waste Recycling Centre (HWRC) Timsbury, near Romsey, SO51 0PG 01794 368548

01794 340338

• 9am - 6pm from 1 April to 30 September • 9am - 4pm from 1 October to 28 February • 9am - 5pm from 1 March to 31 March

01794 884420 01980 862446

HWRCs are open seven days a week all year round, excluding 25 and 26 December and 1 January.

Useful Numbers 35

Wessex Swim School the South's leading Swim School with a MAX of 3 swimmers per class We operate weekly term time lessons and holiday Intensive Swim Courses We have lessons operating in Winchester, Southampton & Salisbury For more information visit our website or call now on

02380 273657

www.wessexswimschool.co.uk

@ Hale Village Hall, Hatchett Green, Hale, SP6 2NE. 07826 295383

o o o o o o

36

halepreschool@hotmail.com

The friendly, warm & relaxed pre-school Idyllic rural village location Run by an experienced and highly qualified team We welcome children from 2 years upwards Children in nappies - no problem!

Providing lunch & afternoon session every week

o o o o o

www.hale-preschool.org.uk

Closely linked with Hale Primary School Weekly visits to Reception for ‘Rhyme Time’!

Regular nature walks exploring the New Forest Large enclosed woodland play garden Child driven with LOTS of Messy Play

Come & see how we play?

discover magazines @discovermags

Discover What’s On FORDINGBRIDGE PLAYERS 6 & 7 Nov, 7.30pm The Victoria Rooms, 26 Bridge Street, Fordingbridge, SP6 1AN Three plays for the price of one!

“Dancers” which dissects the tea dancing world and “Day Trippers” in which characters learn more about themselves & their colleagues than they ought to during a day trip to the seaside, and a new adaption of the classic suspense drama ‘The Monkey’s Paw’. www.fordingbridgeplayers. org.uk ART DESIGN HOME & INTERIORS FAIR 8 Nov, 10-4.30pm Town Hall, Stockbridge, Hampshire SO20 6HE Showcasing the work of emerging and established Art and design-led craft-makers with a vast array of work for home and interiors. Free entry www. artdesignmarket.co.uk UK WOLF CONSERVATION TRUST 11, 18, 25 Nov, 114pm 2, 9, 16, 23, 30 Dec, 11-4pm 6 Jan, 11-4pm Butlers Farm, Beenham, Reading, RG7 5NT Come & see our 10 wolves including Arctic, European/ North Western

wolves. Photography platform area overlooking the wolves’ enclosure & waterfall pond.

Guided tours & talks during the day & watch the wolves being fed at 2pm. Ask the experts about wolves & listen to them howling. Children’s activities during school holidays. Pay on day at gate. Sorry no dogs allowed. Adults -£8, Children 3-12 & Senior Citizens £5, Children under 3 – free. 0118 971 3330 www.ukwolf.org

ROUND THE HOME 50TH ANNIVERSARY TOUR 17-19 Nov Salisbury Playhouse, SP2 7RA Re-live the classic 1960s radio programme ‘Round The Horne’.

From 1965-69 this groundbreaking programme was Britain’s biggest radio show and up to 15 million people would gather round the wireless to hear Kenneth Horne and his merry crew get up to all sorts of mischief. 01722 320333

CHOIR CONCERT FOR REMEMBRANCE-TIDE 12 Nov, 7.30pm Spire Crossing, Salisbury Cathedral Salisbury Cathedral Choir performs a Requiem for unaccompanied choir by Herbert Howells, Parry’s sublime setting of Psalm 39, and the ‘Songs of Farewell’. Tickets £10, available on the night www. salisburycathedral.org.uk

ASTRONOMY NIGHT 20 Nov, 7pm (doors open 6.30pm) The Hawk Conservancy Trust, SP11 8DY In association with Andover Astronomical Society. View the night sky, with no light pollution, in Reg’s meadow. After a break for tea/coffee and cake there will be a presentation on an astronomical subject. Limited ticket availability. Tickets £12.

Fundraising event. 01264 773850

THE EDGE 12-14 Nov, 7.45pm (matinee 2.45pm Sat) Salisbury Playhouse, Malthouse Ln, Salisbury SP2 7RA Set in the future, The Edge takes us on a touching and fantastical journey through weather and time to explore the mythical place where the land meets the sea, posing vital questions about our future in a rapidly changing environment. 01722 320333 THE SENSATIONAL 60s EXPERIENCE 2015 14 Nov, 7.30pm City Hall, Malthouse Lane, Salisbury, SP2 7TU 01722 434434 FOYER JAZZ 16 Nov, 8pm Salisbury Playhouse, Malthouse Ln, Salisbury, SP2 7RA www. salisburyplayhouse. com 01722 320333

BREAKING THE ICE 24 Nov-5 Dec, 10.45am (& 1.30pm on 24-28 Nov & 5 Dec) Salisbury Playhouse, SP2 7RA A wintry pre-Christmas treat for young audiences. Ages 2-5 years. Running time 50 mins.

Deaf friendly production. www. salisburyplayhouse.com 01722 320333 A CHRISTMAS CAROL - THE MUSICAL 24-28 Nov (7.30pm Tue-Sat) (2.30pm Sat) City Hall Salisbury, Malthouse Lane, SP2 7TU Charles Dickens’ classic story about the miser Scrooge and his redemption. This spectacular musical recreates the streets, graveyards, homes and buildings of Dickensian London and is the ideal family musical. www. cityhallsalisbury.co.uk 01722 434 434

...Continued on page 38 37

...Continued from page 37

SALISBURY CHRISTMAS MARKET 26 Nov to Sun 20 Dec England’s most beautiful Christmas Market, set in the historic Guildhall Square, with over 100 exhibitors selling high quality gifts and produce.

Christmas carols, choirs and other musical groups, street entertainment and much more.

The opening night celebrations include our famous lantern procession from the Cathedral Close to the Market Place. Free entry.

CHRISTMAS CONCERT 28 Nov, 7pm Winterslow Village Hall Winterslow Singers Christmas Concert: WINTER WONDERLAND The choir will sing a variety of Christmas music both old and new and The British Legion Wind Quartet will also be performing as will soloist Katy Turner.

Refreshments avail. Proceeds to village defribrillator fund. Tickets £8 or £7 if purchased from Central Stores Winterslow. info@ winterslowsingers.net WRAPPED UP FESTIVE FOOD & GIFT FAIR 28 Nov, 10-4pm The Lights, Andover, SP10 1AH Craft, gift and food stalls at this annual Christmas fair.

A CHRISTMAS CAROL AT MOTTISFONT 28 Nov to 31 Dec, 10-4.30pm Mottisfont, nr Romsey, SO51 0LP Follow this timeless tale of Mr Scrooge in Victorian England around the house and grounds this Christmas. With a fun family trail to keep you in the Christmas spirit as you explore. Booking Not Needed. Suitable for ages 5 and up. General admission prices apply. 01794 340757 38

MOMEPESSON HOUSE – A REGENCY CHRISTMAS 28, 29 Nov, 11am to 3.30pm 5, 6, 12, 13, 19, 20 Dec, 11am to 3.30pm Mompesson House, The Close, Salisbury, SP1 2EL This is the first time that Mompesson House has opened at Christmas! Downstairs rooms open only, decorated to celebrate a traditional Regency Christmas, featuring links to Jane Austen. Carol Singers at advertised times and a trail for children with a sticker prize.

General Admission prices apply.

01722 335659 BEAUTY AND THE BEAST 26-28 Nov, 7.30pm (matinee 2pm Sat) Soberton Village Hall Tickets £7 for adults, £4 children (01489) 878724/866666 Pre-theatre two-course suppers avail at local pub The White Lion, all inc price of £21.95 for adults, £11.95 for children.

CHRISTMAS GIFT FAIR 28 Nov, 10-3pm Arena, The Lights, Andover, SP10 1AH Festive activity table and free face painting. Free entry.

WRAPPED UP FESTIVE FOOD & GIFT FAIR 28 Nov, 10-4PM The Lights, Andover, SP10 1AH Browse the many craft, food and gift stalls at the annual Christmas Fair. Free children’s festive activity table. Free face painting or glitter tattoos. Free Entry. 01264 368368 PAM AYRES 29 Nov, 5pm City Hall, Malthouse Lane, Salisbury, SP2 7TU 01722 434434

XMAS TREE FESTIVAL 1-6 Dec St Thomas’s Church, Salisbury Over 110 decorated trees and nativity scenes. Entry is free but donations gratefully received for local charities. www. stthomassalisbury.co.uk CINDERELLA 2 Dec to 9 Jan Malthouse Ln, Salisbury, SP2 7RA With morning, afternoon and evening performances and fantastic rates for groups and children. 01722 320333 www.salisburyplayhouse.com AMAHL AND THE NIGHT VISITORS 4 & 5 Dec, 7pm All Saints’ Church, Farley Hilary Sharland (mezzosoprano), Farley Chorale – Pitton School Choir, Directed by Simon McEnery, £10 from Salisbury Playhouse 01722 320333 www.farleymusic.co.uk CHRISTMAS QUIZ 5 Dec, 7pm (doors open 6.30m) Hawk Conservancy Trust, SP11 8DY Fun general knowledge quiz.

Teams of up to 6 people or come on your own and help make up a team. £10 per person (includes a hot supper). Bar available. Raffle.

Fundraising event. 01264 773850 CHRISTMAS FAIR AT WOODGREEN VILLAGE HALL 5 & 6 Dec, 10-4pm Hale Road, Woodgreen, SP6 2AJ Work in a variety of media including beaded and glass jewellery, glass, romantic bags, silk paintings and scarves, wood and antler craft.

Refreshments and a tombola. elfordfay@ yahoo.co.uk

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www.itshack.co.uk

e: leanne@itshack.co.uk

Unit 18, Downton Business Centre, Batten Road, Downton, Salisbury, Wilts39

Quality Used Cars • MOT’s Servicing and Repairs Diagnostics and Electrical Courtesy Cars Available

MOT TESTING

Class 4 - Car / Class 5 - Minibus / Class 7 - LCV

• Tyres • Exhausts • Suspension • Batteries

MOT’s for £30 booked at (Both must be

when done with

E

a FULL SERVIC e day)

e, for the sam

the same tim

le b a l i Ava hire for MOT

Please call John or Clare for price & availability

www.avoncarriagecompany.co.uk Tel: 01725 514777 • Mob: 07770 375031 • The Ridge, Woodfalls, Salisbury, Wilts SP5 2LW