Carry On

by Dick Wolfsie Humorist

Here’s why. I have a few sleep issues. Most notably, I snore; I move around constantly, tossing and turning, flipping and flopping. Sometimes even screaming. People tell my wife she looks incredible for a woman in her early 70s. I then tell them she’s only 40, but this is what happens when you’ve been sleep deprived your entire marriage.

That night after a lovely dinner, we headed back to the B&B and prepared to turn in.

“Which side of the bed should I take?” I asked my wife.

“Underneath would probably be the best option,” she said.

We pulled down the covers and that’s when the excitement began, but not the excitement you might think. At about 2 a.m., I was having a very scary dream and next thing I knew I had fallen out of bed. This woke Mary Ellen, who saw me all sprawled out and in a bit of pain.

“That’s so sweet of you to sleep there. Now you won’t be kicking me.”

“I am not sleeping here. I fell out of bed.”

“That’s terrible, maybe you should sleep in the middle.”

“It’s a double bed. There is no middle when there are two people. Let’s go back to sleep.”

At 4 a.m., I fell out again. This time I had pulled the pillow off with me. Seeing me on the floor, Mary Ellen got out of bed and lovingly placed a blanket over me. And there I slept: tossing, turning, snoring.

In the morning, the lady at the desk was curious. “ Some of the folks staying at the inn heard loud noises at 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. Are you okay? I hope you guys didn’t have a falling out. “

“I’m fine,” said Mary Ellen. “It was only my husband who was falling out.”

We shared our adventure at the B&B with one of our friends. We told Cathy we enjoyed our stay and that next year we would return, but we would make different arrangements.

“Are you going to ask for two separate beds?” asked Cathy.

“No,” said Mary Ellen. “Two separate rooms.”

Old World Italian Cooking