Dear Cathie

DEAR CATHIE—

COVID-19 has been going on a long time and our nuclear family has been home together for many, many months! While there have been some positive things to come out of this experience, we are finding our preschool and kindergarten children to still be quite needy. My husband and I are both working from home, and our children have regular online school experiences as well, but when they are not in front of the computer, they seem to need constant interaction with us that is often demanding and frustrating. How can we encourage their desire for self-sufficiency when we are all home?

—AN EXHAUSTED SET OF PARENTS

I hear you, and I am hearing this sentiment from many parents and caregivers across the world. It is indeed an exhausting time to be a parent of young children.

One of the things we emphasize in Montessori is to “control the environment, not the child.” I would urge you to look at the setup of your home. Consider how much independence the physical layout allows (or even fosters) for your children.

Let’s examine the question of snacks. Are your children able to select and choose their own snacks? Some parents place appropriate snacks in a low container or basket in the cupboard, where a child is able to access them at will. The child need not ask, or even discuss having a snack with the parent; she may simply get a snack whenever she wants one from the special snack basket. Once the snacks run out for a day, snacks are finished for that day. If you have two children you will need a snack basket for each child. It is the work of the parent (or the parent and child together) to fill this basket each evening or morning, so it is ready for the child. This process eliminates all discussion around daily snacks! as if your children were going to school outside the home. Doing this ahead of time eliminates the need for discussion about what food will be eaten for lunch. If the food is to be warmed, and time is of the essence, your child can be taught to use the microwave oven, or you can help if needed.

Try to arrange the basic school supplies so that they are easily accessible to your child. If your child is too young to use them appropriately without direction, limit the materials offered until she has had lessons on how to use them. Try to avoid situations where you need to dole out scissors, tape, markers etc. for each and every activity. This part may require some level of trust.

It is essential that you create a predictable time when your family or parts of your family spend time together. When can the child reasonably expect you to be available to play with them, read with them, do art with them, play sports with them outside, or begin to prepare dinner together? If your child knows that as soon as school is over, they have a snack and quick check in with a parent, then they are expected to engage themselves with books, toys, or activities, either alone or with their sibling until a certain time when Mommy or Daddy are available. This creates some predictable routine.

Perhaps, in the beginning, this independent time can only be 10 minutes. But as your child grows and matures, it can probably increase! If this time is defined, your child will not need to constantly ask about when you are coming to interact, as she has a predictable routine to depend on—at least most days. Some families place an actual schedule on the wall to help define the parts of the day so

It is essential that you create a predictable time when your family or parts of your family spend time together.

the child knows what is coming next. This is an excellent idea so everyone is aware of how the day will proceed. Time is very elusive for young children, so this has been a helpful tool for parents and children alike! (missymontessori. com has downloadable schedules that families can use or you can create your own!)

Child-friendly homes, predictable routines, and shared experiences of playing and cooking together have been the best ways for children to learn to rely on themselves for part of the time. 

Cathie Perolman

is a reading specialist, elementary educator, author, consultant, and creator of educational materials for primary and elementary students. Check out her new downloadable materials on her website cathieperolman.com.

For more than three decades she has dedicated her energies to improving reading for all youngsters.

She is the author of Practical Special Needs for the Montessori Method: A Handbook for 3-6 Teachers and Homeschoolers published by the Montessori Foundation (available through montessori.org.) She is a regular contributor to Tomorrow’s Child and Montessori Leadership magazines.

Cathie Perolman holds a BS in Early Childhood Education and a MEd in Elementary Education with a concentration in reading. She is credentialed as a Montessori teacher. She is married and has two adult children and two adorable granddaughters. Cathie lives in Ellicott City, Maryland with her husband.